Parties and Ages (Part 2)

The professor left Mr. Ratherquite and his Ladies, and made his way over to a chair.

When you get old, you see, you like to sit for a bit, bits, and little bits. (In fact, this professor can’t remember a time when I didn’t like to sit. In truth, that is true.)

Mr. Magi was sitting across from me with his legs crossed.

“P.VJ,” he said, “how are you doing?”

“Good, I think.”

“You think?” One of his eyebrows went up a bit.

I nodded. “It’s a feeling of well-being overall, I’d say.”

Mr. Magi shrugged. “Young man,” he began, “in life you’ll never be perfectly happy. You just have to learn how to be happy no matter what.”

And that’s when Schwarz Tauptinker passed and somehow spilled the contents of his glass on Mr. Magi’s head.

“Dude no!” Schwarz yelled. “I’m like so chickit sorry!”

Schwarz messed up Mr. Magi’s hair in an attempt to dry it a bit.

“No need, no need,” Mr. Magi said. “Accidents happen.”

“And you must remain happy,” I said.

Mr. Magi shot me a gaze of meanness. Or, at least I thought so.

“Exactly,” he said.

“You know,” Schwarz said, “don’t know how I did it. I mean, wow, baby! Didn’t mean to do it. And I don’t know! I don’t! I don’t! I don’t!”

“Quite all right, really,” Mr. Magi affirmed.

“Look what I’ve got here, curs!”

Daddy Salami had come up.

And his hands were cupped over something.

“Ooo!” Schwarz said excitedly. “Let me see, chickit!”

Salami made a bit of an opening.

“It’s a frog!” Schwarz exclaimed.

Salami nodded. “Yeah, with a tick on its back!”

Mr. Magi looked displeased. “That’s quite enough of that. Take that beast and the tick out of here. This is a party. None of that here.”

“Quite right!” Mr. Ratherquite agreed. He had come over as well. “The Ladies might see it.”

“It’ll be good for them,” Salami argued. “Then they can see what ya do to people: ya leach onto them and suck their blood out!”

Mr. Ratherquite swung fast and swung hard.

Slap!

Salami didn’t do anything. He was too shocked that Mr. Ratherquite had actually hit him, I think.

Then, he did do something.

He ran over to Mr. R (closed the distance between them, that is) and plopped what he was carrying down his shirt.

“Help me! Help me!” Mr. Ratherquite shrieked as he ran back and forth.

Mr. Magi was up in a second. “You must take off your shirt!”

And that’s when this professor slipped out the back door.

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126 Responses to “Parties and Ages (Part 2)”


  1. 1 Hazy December 16, 2014 at 14:24

    Ohoho~ I didn’t quite expect Mr. R to swing like that at DS without first saying “How rude!” blah blah. Do you think it a bit uncharacteristic of him?

    Good thing the professor managed to slip out the backdoor before it all got more out of hand!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke December 16, 2014 at 16:17

      It was. He must have been so angry and cranky…maybe he had a little too much to drink?

      *laughs* I sure did!

      • 3 Hazy December 21, 2014 at 13:27

        *laughs* yeah, that’s probably it. DS might hold a grudge against him now, don’t you think?

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke December 21, 2014 at 23:19

        Definitely. Until he takes revenge, that is.

      • 5 Hazy December 26, 2014 at 01:21

        I think that’s the scary part *laughs* He might be plotting in his house right now!

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke December 26, 2014 at 15:46

        What a brutal beast he is!

  2. 7 Catherine December 13, 2014 at 16:35

    I think slipping out the back door was the wisest thing you could have done.

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke December 13, 2014 at 18:12

      *high-five* I think you’re right. It was getting ghastly, Catherine!

      • 9 Catherine December 16, 2014 at 21:52

        It sure looked like it! I’m glad I wasn’t there.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke December 17, 2014 at 14:54

        Oh, where’s your adventure, Catherine!

      • 11 Catherine December 22, 2014 at 03:48

        I’m afraid I may have none.

  3. 12 erinkenobi2893 December 12, 2014 at 14:26

    Hilarious! Poor Mr. Ratherquite. I don’t feel sorry for him at all.

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke December 13, 2014 at 18:09

      I didn’t either. He needed it, wouldn’t you say?

      • 14 erinkenobi2893 December 15, 2014 at 16:42

        YES! He did ! X-D

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke December 15, 2014 at 21:21

        Would you dance with him?

      • 16 erinkenobi2893 December 16, 2014 at 14:47

        I don’t know…. I’m sort of waiting for the right partner… ;-)

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke December 16, 2014 at 16:20

        Perfect answer! He isn’t worth it, you know.

      • 18 erinkenobi2893 December 17, 2014 at 15:55

        Yes, I’m aware… I feel like Horatio in the middle of a social obligation which is sort of awkward. ( <3 Horatio Hornblower!!!)

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2014 at 03:16

        *laughing lots*

      • 20 erinkenobi2893 December 18, 2014 at 14:00

        Also part of why I will miss the Fezziwig ball… though I do love the acting and Dickens part of it :-(
        I love literature. That should be a TV show. I checked out Sherlock so I can watch it–whoopie!!!

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2014 at 20:19

        And the punch. That’s the best part–if it’s there.

        I know you do! Seriously? Nice!

      • 22 erinkenobi2893 December 19, 2014 at 01:45

        There is punch, but I prefer the acting and Dickens.
        It’s going to be awesome! :-D

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke December 19, 2014 at 15:44

        Sounds like it will be marvelously awesomely great!

      • 24 erinkenobi2893 December 21, 2014 at 14:03

        :-P I’ll bet it was… unfortunately, I didn’t get to see it. :-/

  4. 25 L. Marie December 11, 2014 at 16:13

    What an ending! I wonder if Mr. Ratherquite found himself with an unwanted passenger–the tick. If so, I hope he managed to get rid of it in time. Still, I was surprised that he managed to slap Daddy Salami. I’m sure you’re glad you ran away before weapons were drawn (if indeed they were).

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke December 11, 2014 at 19:21

      Do you suppose Mr. R will be mad for months?

      • 27 L. Marie December 12, 2014 at 13:34

        I think Mr. R will indulge in a subtle form of revenge in the months to come. He’ll think that method is effective, when it really isn’t. With Daddy Salami, you have to be much more overt.

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke December 13, 2014 at 18:08

        That’s a very good point. *laughs* Mr. R is a bit pathetic.

  5. 29 Debbie December 11, 2014 at 16:00

    They don’t call ’em “Party Animals” for nothing, do they, Professor?! Sounds like you made a quick getaway in the nick of time!

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke December 11, 2014 at 19:20

      I sure did! It was about to get even more scary.

  6. 31 John W. Howell December 10, 2014 at 23:06

    Good time to leave.

    • 32 Professor VJ Duke December 11, 2014 at 19:09

      It would have just gotten worse, huh?

  7. 33 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 10, 2014 at 21:11

    Seems I should have been invited to this party, Duke. My Magi, Mr. R & his Ladies, you, and a frog wearing a tick. Sounds pleasent. Only one person to blame for the fight, I think. Kill him.

    • 34 Professor VJ Duke December 11, 2014 at 19:03

      Who is that person? I’ve gone back and forth.

      • 35 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 11, 2014 at 22:36

        I can’t tell you. Not my story, see….

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke December 13, 2014 at 18:03

        You have to!

      • 37 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 13, 2014 at 18:58

        But why? What good will come of my doing so, huh? None. You know I prefer your mind making the decisions. Mine isn’t clear.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke December 15, 2014 at 03:51

        Rats. You know I’m curious about it…and interested. Something good might come of it.

      • 39 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 15, 2014 at 06:02

        But you already know what I’m thinking, don’t you, Sir? Be honest. You do, huh? Tis what I thought, you know. *sparkles* I don’t have to say anything. What good will come, Duke?

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke December 15, 2014 at 21:02

        Now, now. That’s cheating. You still must tell, I think–for fairness’ sake.

      • 41 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 16, 2014 at 20:14

        Who’s fairness? I don’t think I should…

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke December 17, 2014 at 14:50

        *growls*

      • 43 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 17, 2014 at 20:53

        *becomes nervous* I hate telling you no.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2014 at 03:31

        It’s…okay.

      • 45 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 18, 2014 at 05:13

        I can tell it isn’t okay… maybe you shouldn’t kill off any of them. Maybe I was just being a jealous brat.

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2014 at 20:07

        *laughs* Tis okay. We are all at different times.

      • 47 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 18, 2014 at 22:57

        *frowns* You never are.

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke December 19, 2014 at 15:25

        How do you know?

      • 49 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 19, 2014 at 18:22

        I don’t. *hangs her head*

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke December 19, 2014 at 22:01

        See? Do you wanna know?

      • 51 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 20, 2014 at 05:28

        Yes, you know I do, but….

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2014 at 15:30

        Yes?

      • 53 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 20, 2014 at 18:22

        Only if you want me to know.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke December 21, 2014 at 23:04

        Well…I don’t know. I’m not sure I know much about them.

      • 55 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister December 23, 2014 at 00:23

        That’s a new word…pay no mind. I won’t explain what it means… *laughs*
        (I’d say.)

  8. 56 The Lite Rider December 10, 2014 at 20:14

    Remind me not to attend these events! ;-) What a dadblamed turn of events! Good for Mr. R! He has it in him! Ha ha, though. His reaction to the frog and tick was typical! And of course DS knew this would be worse for Mr. R than a returned slap!

    Schwarz seemed genuinely sorry. Oops! Then again, Mr. Magi didn’t seem to mind his wet hair — what with his “choice to be happy”. .

    • 57 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2014 at 20:54

      True. Do you suppose DS wanted to do the worst possible thing he could have done to Mr. R? I bet so.

      He did sorta stick himself there. Schwarz is usually good natured, wouldn’t you say?

      • 58 The Lite Rider December 11, 2014 at 14:50

        I know Daddy Salami was trying for what he thought would be the worst possible for Mr. R. He was right!

        Yes, Schwarz is pretty bubbly and sometimes spicy!

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke December 11, 2014 at 19:19

        He sure was! DS is so wicked. That mind is just a wicked machine.

        You never know what that chap will do.

  9. 60 Simply Skeptical December 10, 2014 at 17:35

    LAUGHING! But will he do it? Take off his shirt that is in front of the ladies? Now is his real “gentleman test” for poor Mr. R. HILARIOUS!!!

    • 61 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2014 at 20:52

      Well, don’t you suppose if the emergency calls for it, taking off his shirt won’t matter too much?

      • 62 Simply Skeptical December 10, 2014 at 23:09

        Oh no! The ladies would be mortified.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke December 11, 2014 at 19:09

        You’re probably right.

  10. 64 Susan P December 10, 2014 at 17:19

    What was the purpose for this party? Did anyone say? The parties in the PL are always explosive – or so it seems.

    • 65 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2014 at 20:52

      I’m not sure what it was for. I think just a Christmas party. There wasn’t a tree. There should have been, right?

      • 66 Susan P December 10, 2014 at 22:56

        Maybe…or not. Definitely need some cheer.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke December 11, 2014 at 19:07

        How is cheer spread, though?

      • 68 Susan P December 11, 2014 at 20:29

        It is contagious.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke December 13, 2014 at 18:03

        I think you could have a point.

      • 70 Susan P December 13, 2014 at 18:48

        Yes. You should see the cheer careening around the Fest Halle at Oktoberfest.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke December 15, 2014 at 03:50

        Snitzel! I love that stuff. But I’m not sure how to spell it.

      • 72 Susan P December 15, 2014 at 12:50

        http://theschnitzelfactory.com/

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke December 15, 2014 at 21:07

        That’s really neatio.

      • 74 Susan P December 15, 2014 at 21:49

        I just discovered it. I kinda think that the food won’t be gluten free. But, when you come to Florida…

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke December 16, 2014 at 12:54

        You mean we can go? That’d be so cool. Is it close to you?

      • 76 Susan P December 16, 2014 at 19:08

        It is reasonably close. I can’t walk there but it’s not a long drive from our house.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke December 17, 2014 at 14:46

        Now that is neatio. You should go!

      • 78 Susan P December 17, 2014 at 15:34

        I think I will.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2014 at 03:14

        With me, of course.

      • 80 Susan P December 18, 2014 at 11:47

        But of course. What would be the point otherwise.

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2014 at 20:14

        True. And George and Harry!

      • 82 Susan P December 18, 2014 at 22:35

        And Teddy

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke December 19, 2014 at 15:23

        Yes, of course! How’d I forget?

      • 84 Susan P December 20, 2014 at 01:42

        Teddy’s crying because you forgot him.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke December 20, 2014 at 15:23

        Would you give him a pat for me?

      • 86 Susan P December 20, 2014 at 20:49

        He said “Woof”.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke December 21, 2014 at 23:09

        What a nice chap.

      • 88 Susan P December 22, 2014 at 13:06

        He is. Most of the time.

  11. 89 PorterGirl December 10, 2014 at 16:39

    I think you left at the right moment there, Professor. No one wants to see Mr R with his shirt off! I must say, PL parties are quite violent. Someone got shot at the other one! I like the sound of them. I am having a party on Saturday and if someone brings a frog I won’t mind.

    I thought Mr M took the drink-on-head incident very well. I like his assertion to try and be happy, it is a good thing to be.

    Also – was the frog alright, in the end?

    • 90 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2014 at 20:47

      *laughing* It’s funny you should point that out. Why not? That’s because you’re a great host, I think. What sort of party is it?

      It is. He never overreacts–which is frustrating. Kinda makes me wish he would.

      I fear he was squished.

      • 91 PorterGirl December 11, 2014 at 08:33

        I imagine Mr R as a man better suited to keeping his clothes on. Besides, The Ladies might be shocked.

        It’s just a regular party, lots of music, some eats and drinkies. I hope to wear my pirate costume, just because I like it.

        Squished! Oh no. That is a shame. For the frog.

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke December 11, 2014 at 19:19

        I’m sure they would be. He’d probably get slapped a few times. But he did have a good excuse.

        Nice! I didn’t know you had one. Does it have a patch?

        Yes…I’m sure he was disappointed.

      • 93 PorterGirl December 11, 2014 at 19:33

        I do indeed, it’s my favourite costume. It has an eye patch in the shape of a heart. I am a girly pirate teehee.

        Disappointed is one way to put it *laughs*

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke December 13, 2014 at 17:59

        That’s good! Sounds like a great costume.

        *laughing*

  12. 95 FictionFan December 10, 2014 at 16:06

    Oh, I’m so proud of my Schwarzy! It’s time somebody poured a glass of wine over that sanctimonious Mr Magi! And I’m glad you took the opportunity to teach him a much-needed life-lesson!!

    And I’m even a bit proud of Mr Ratherheroic! But I’m very glad you left before he removed his shirt – I don’t think my nerves could have stood a description of that particular event…

    Poor frog, though…perhaps Amelia should kiss him…just in case…

    • 96 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2014 at 20:42

      I thought you’d feel at least half bad for Mr. M! And what a big word you used…still trying to wrap my head around. Or my mind.

      *laughs* Yes, quite right. I left; I couldn’t take it either. If only you felt that way about Darby…

      You know, FEF, it’s sorta funny how often you bring her up…wouldn’t you say?

      • 97 FictionFan December 11, 2014 at 00:59

        No, he’s so smug! I think Schwarzy should give him some more directions… It’s good isn’t it? I used it twice today! *nods proudly*

        Soooo jealous! But Darby would have dealt with the matter with poise and sophistication. He would merely have bowed and left the room…

        I’m not jealous of her – I just want to make that clear. Not jealous at all! No! Not at all!!

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke December 11, 2014 at 19:11

        Didn’t see how clumsy he was, though? He shouldn’t be giving directions. Very proud! It’s a great…word. I think.

        *laughs* He’s so underdone and overdone. I’m not sure which it is. I wonder if he boxes.

        I believe you every so often. I might even forget about her–but for you!

      • 99 FictionFan December 12, 2014 at 17:24

        Did you think he was clumsy? I think he did it deliberately *nods appreciatively*

        I think he does! He had to go and work off his frustration when Lizzie refused him, and I think he went to a boxing parlour… See? He’s a true hero… *swoons*

        Huh! It wasn’t me who was passing her notes in poetry class… *narrows eyes suspiciously*

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke December 13, 2014 at 18:10

        Maybe…you could be right. Schwarz can be cunning and mean!

        A boxing parlour? How lady like of him. He should have gone to the shooting range! (He should have dumped Lizio, btw.)

        I’d pass notes with anyone! Except Schwarz!

      • 101 FictionFan December 14, 2014 at 01:12

        I know! *sighs deeply and hums a little lovesong*

        Ha! He’s so manly he could catch bullets in his teeth! (No sane man would dump a lady who dances so well…)

        *gasps* You mean…you’re fickle?!?

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke December 15, 2014 at 03:57

        *laughs* It’s hopeless, I fear.

        I bet he had goat teeth! (True…unless the dude doesn’t like to dance.)

        No! Not one bit. Nor am I a flirt.

      • 103 FictionFan December 15, 2014 at 15:16

        I fear so!

        Soooo jealous! (Yeah, but then that would prove the dude wasn’t wholly, completely sane now, wouldn’t it?)

        *chokes on coffee* Uh-huh!! I think we need a vote on that – and I bet for once Amelia and I will be in agreement!!

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke December 15, 2014 at 21:13

        He might sing for you soon…

        He’d be like Washington. Or something like it. (Yes, it would! I don’t know one dude who does!)

        Have you two had tea or something?

      • 105 FictionFan December 16, 2014 at 01:00

        Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Not might – must!!

        Who’s Washington *fears she’s about to be talked into another fovie* (*haughty face* Fortunately I don’t know any dudes – I’m not familiar with that species…)

        Certainly not! Why would I befriend that…that…person?

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke December 16, 2014 at 13:01

        Yes…well, it’s written into the script…that’s a good sign. Now if only he sings it rightly right. Now to make sure everyone comes in…I haven’t used these guys for months!

        George Washington! I’m not sure of any movies with that fellow…and I bet you wouldn’t watch one that I would recommend anyway. (*laughing* I’m a dude!)

        So you could get closer and…kill her.

      • 107 FictionFan December 16, 2014 at 15:58

        Of course he will – oh! It’s been so long since I heard his adorable little voice – such a cruel Professor to keep him away from me for so long!

        Oh, that Washington! I’d watch a milm about him so long as he promised not to sing any Christmas songs… (Nonsense! You’re a warrior! Dudes can’t be warriors!)

        Hmm…good plan! Thanks! *thinks*

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke December 16, 2014 at 16:24

        *laughs* He’s coming, I think. Along with a bunch of others. I think. I think, for sure.

        That Washington?! He’s like the greatest one ever! (That’s a good point…)

        Then you’ll have to go to the slammer.

      • 109 FictionFan December 16, 2014 at 18:24

        For sure, for sure, for sure!!! Oh my!

        I don’t know – how about Wee Jimmy Washington, the world champion haggis eater? Or Big Bill Washington – inventor of the pea shooter? (*nods*)

        Sometimes I quite fancy the idea of a lttle break – you’d bring me chocolates regularly, wouldn’t you?

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke December 17, 2014 at 14:42

        *laughs a bit*

        You made that all up, didn’t you?

        Well…I suppose. Do you know they say female prisons are more violent than male prisons?

      • 111 FictionFan December 17, 2014 at 20:00

        Did I? Can you really be sure?

        Yes, but that’s only because of the chocolate fights…

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2014 at 03:27

        I definitely can’t be…but you tell me!

        Aha…women are so strange.

      • 113 FictionFan December 18, 2014 at 17:04

        Completely true – every word! *innocent wide-eyed expression*

        I know! Nearly as strange as men!

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2014 at 20:44

        Well! But still, George is the most famous.

        Too bad everyone can’t be a professor.

      • 115 FictionFan December 19, 2014 at 00:25

        It’s a real coincidence that he had the same name as the city isn’t it? *puzzled face*

        Good noodles! What an utterly discombobulating thought!!

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke December 19, 2014 at 15:39

        Nah, you just can’t think about those things.

        True…but something nice to think on.

  13. 117 walt walker December 10, 2014 at 15:52

    Another rip-roaring party in the PL! Accidents, insults, violence…jolly good!

    • 118 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2014 at 20:40

      If everyone was a little nicer, it would be boring. It’s not one of those P&P parties, see.

      • 119 walt walker December 10, 2014 at 20:46

        I was about to ask what P&P is. Then I thought Pride & Prejudice. I used the art of deduction, you see. Like Sherlock Holmes. Unless of course I am mistaken. In which case – just kidding.

      • 120 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2014 at 20:56

        *laughing lots and lots and lots* Oh, you make me laugh–a lot! No, you were right. I would like to say you were wrong, though. Walt, we need to write a story together sometime…

      • 121 walt walker December 10, 2014 at 22:02

        I would be game for that. Pencil me in.

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke December 11, 2014 at 19:07

        Perfect. Some time in the new year? PL Christmas week is next week and that’ll be all till the new year.

      • 123 walt walker December 11, 2014 at 19:47

        Anytime.

      • 124 Professor VJ Duke December 13, 2014 at 18:00

        *bows twice*

  14. 125 Angeline M December 10, 2014 at 15:44

    I love action parties!

    • 126 Professor VJ Duke December 10, 2014 at 20:40

      Yes, don’t they keep one moving?


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