“Are you sure you’re tying it on right?” Schwarz Tauptinker asked.
“Sure,” was Fats Henry’s gruff reply. “How could I possibly mess something so easy up, huh?”
Schwarz shrugged. “I don’t know. I—”
“Yeah, that’s right,” Henry interrupted. “You’d mess it up—but not ME!”
Henry had pulled just one rope—well, piece of string rather—over the top of his car and across the tree. He secured the ropes by pulling them through the windows, and shutting the windows to keep it tight.
Once that business was taken care of, Schwarz and Fats got into the car, and drove off.
“It’s hot in here,” Schwarz complained.
“Then open the windows,” Henry replied. “That’s what they’re for.”
And Schwarz did.
He opened his window.
The string came loose.
The tree rocked.
“Oh no!” Henry screamed as he slammed on the brakes. “You idiot!”
The tree flew off—and straight into Daddy Salami’s pale blue minivan.
“Ya, cur!” Salami said, jumping for his van. “Ruber and me are on the way to the Christmas Pageant so he can be an angel! And ya ripped his costume!”
“It was his fault!” Henry said, pointing savagely to Schwarz.
“Was not!” Schwarz replied. “He told me to open the window!”
“It’s okay,” Ruber said, emerging from the van. “Now I don’t have to and be an angel in that Christmas Pageant.”
“Oh yes ya do!” Salami returned. “Let’s walk!”
Fats Henry and Schwarz Tauptinker watched as Daddy Salami and his son took off down the road. Ruber was wearing his ripped angel dress, and Salami’s hair was somewhat messed up.
“Imagine doing that for Christmas,” Schwarz remarked.
“Yeah,” Henry agreed. “It would be brutal. I mean, how dumb do you have to be to have your grown son wear an angel dress for a Christmas play?”
“Pretty dumb, chickit. In the same class with the guy who uses one string to tie his tree to the top of his car.”