T P L News&Such (1)

News and Such

1/5/15

Article I: Wit, Wisdom, and the Daily Dose of Sarcasm

a. Proverbs by the esteemed PL Poet, educator, and author V. Shnodgrate:

(These following proverbs are some of Shnodgrate’s earliest. Many points if you remember any of them. [Shnod is on a holiday—still.])

1. If at any point, the road ahead looks clear, then you must readjust your glasses.
2. Self-doubt is rampant disease of the mind; it creates the perfect haven for pride.
3. Incompetence is defined by a hybrid of laziness and indifference.

Pick a favorite! (Please, of course.)

b. The following is a bit of social commentary by Dr. Purdue Whitacker (head doctor at Crackjaw Mental Institution) and Smiles Riot—who is Professor VJ Duke’s cousin.

The first time I bought a hotdog at a hotdog stand, I wasn’t offered any onions or pickles. Last week, while trekking about, I stopped at a hotdog stand and was offered both onions and pickles. The land is either getting better, or that first hotdog stand owner was a beaver’s front tooth! ~ Dr. Purdue Whitacker

I can’t trust people who sell hotdogs. And if I can’t trust people who sell hotdogs, how can I trust myself? ~ Smiles Riot

Article II: Breaking News

a. The New Year’s Even party at Fat Man Island went quite awry. Smiles Riot and Professor VJ Duke started fighting over family relations.

b. Mortimer Butterfield—CEO of the CIO—stated that his chocolate products (all of them) will be 50% off until he sells all the old ones that didn’t sell last year.

T P L News&Such has three towers across the land, which they use to service mostly every PL’er. It is the largest subscribed to newspaper in TPL.
Managing Editor: J. Freedwoppen

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159 Responses to “T P L News&Such (1)”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 January 29, 2015 at 02:26

    I love all three of the proverbs, but the first one is especially scintillating.
    Well, there’s a third possibility to the hotdog stand–the first hotdog seller was not experienced at all, or wasn’t even supposed to be there. Perhaps he was a spy!
    And Smiles Riot is obviously insane.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:34

      He is. But he’s my cousin. I hope it doesn’t run in the family.

      True! I bet he was. See, Erin, you’re good at that sort of thing. Finding spies.

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 January 30, 2015 at 02:49

        Maybe not directly, I don’t think.
        *bows* Why thank you. Should I become a fake preacher, do you think? It would be awkward for me to be a real one. You see, it seems right now that my choices are either to be a fake preacher (and let no one know that I’m only a fake), or to be a real naval officer. I’m leaning toward being a real naval officer, only I won’t be serving under Horatio Hornblower, unfortunately.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:20

        Naval officer! That just sounds way cooler. Do you suppose you could be the boss of your own ship?

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 January 31, 2015 at 04:10

        I could, maybe. But I’d rather serve under Horatio first, to get some job experience. :-P

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:43

        You might die under that chap.

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 February 1, 2015 at 19:48

        I might, but I’m way more likely to die under Dreadnought Foster.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:51

        Is he bad?

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 February 1, 2015 at 23:02

        No. Just reckless.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2015 at 22:37

        That’s bad.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 February 3, 2015 at 12:20

        Very much so.

  2. 12 Catherine January 8, 2015 at 04:40

    I like number one!

    Also, Dr. Whitacker made some very deep observations. They made me think.

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 13:14

      Yes, isn’t he something? Though, one must wonder about him being the head of a mental institution.

      • 14 Catherine January 17, 2015 at 21:52

        Is he? Oh my.

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2015 at 02:15

        *nods* That’s Smiles doctor.

      • 16 Catherine January 20, 2015 at 03:49

        I do hope he is…okay.

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke January 20, 2015 at 13:08

        Something mixed up there, huh?

      • 18 Catherine January 22, 2015 at 02:28

        Well, hopefully not. But if there is, his observations probably shouldn’t be published in the PL news! That could lead to some strange things.

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2015 at 02:36

        Right on. Imagine! An insane doctor…goodness.

      • 20 Catherine February 3, 2015 at 03:01

        Perhaps he needs a doctor himself!

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2015 at 19:18

        I think you could be right.

  3. 22 Simply Skeptical January 7, 2015 at 21:18

    Bad chocolate I dunno but I do not like any edible that’s “old” unsold, unwanted, etc. it just doesn’t sound appealing.

    Hey Prof! Have you ever thought how absolutely wonderfully exciting it is to have Punchy Lander’s all over the globe? That’s what this blog consists of! Quite thrilling huh? :-)

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 22:11

      It’d be half off…and the belly ache would only last a minute or two.

      Oh…I’ve never thought about it! Kinda cool! Thanks, SS.

  4. 24 The Lite Rider January 7, 2015 at 20:49

    A bit late to the party here.

    No points for me. I cannot remember any of those proverbs. Of course, I can’t really remember anything, so …

    My favorite is #1. Any “clear” roads are an illusion!

    (Love the new background)

    What is up with that chocolate? Selling new at 50% until the old is gone? Or ?

    Happy New Year, Professor — to you and the entire PL crew! :)

    • 25 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 22:06

      *laughing* My memory is worse, I assure you.

      Very true! Thanks. The background is an old scroll. The pL is wrapped in a scroll.

      I mean…it seems like a deal, doesn’t it?

      Happy New Year to you and yours, LR!

      • 26 The Lite Rider January 8, 2015 at 14:15

        Yes, I liked the scroll. I thought it was very fitting!

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 21:58

        *bows* Many thanks!

  5. 28 Jackie January 7, 2015 at 09:54

    Gotta go with #3. Big box stores are full of employees like that!

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 12:38

      *laughs* What a great point. Happy New Year, Jackie!

      • 30 Jackie January 7, 2015 at 12:39

        Happy New Year, Professor!

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 21:42

        It will be a fun year, I think!

      • 32 Jackie January 7, 2015 at 22:14

        I think so too!

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 13:00

        *fist pump*

  6. 34 Lady Cheetah7 January 6, 2015 at 17:39

    Ouch for #2!

    • 35 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 23:12

      For sure! A stinger, huh?

      • 36 Lady Cheetah7 January 11, 2015 at 02:19

        Yes!

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2015 at 19:45

        *nods*

  7. 38 Hazy January 6, 2015 at 15:35

    I kinda like how #3 sounds… it might make me sound smart.

    Does Smile not eat hotdogs then? Hotdogs in a bun are yum! Lotsa mustard. No ketchup please! (Blech)

    Aww, don’t fight! But what kind of fight? Word fight? Fist fight? Does Smiles have a katana? (it’s prolly best he if doesn’t though)

    • 39 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 23:05

      Yes! Lots of mustard and none of that sweet red stuff! Right on.

      No, he doesn’t. He was hitting me with a newspaper!

      • 40 Hazy January 7, 2015 at 13:43

        *nods nods* And pickle relish! I like it. Do you?

        Aww, poor professor. Lucky it wasn’t a magazine! I think that would have hurt more. Maybe.

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 21:47

        I do! Relish is a must.

        *nods knowingly* Yes, they’re plastic or something.

  8. 42 walt walker January 6, 2015 at 02:45

    Can the towers be used for shooting arrows at things?

    • 43 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 12:06

      I would guess, so, yes. You have a target?

  9. 44 Susan P January 5, 2015 at 18:41

    Well, new look, new year – ‘most anything can happen. I was about to buy some chocolate until I saw it was from last year. *sigh*

    • 45 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:28

      But it should still be good chocolate, don’t you think?

      • 46 Susan P January 6, 2015 at 12:08

        Good chocolate is always acceptable.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 12:10

        You know, I’ve never made chocolate.

      • 48 Susan P January 6, 2015 at 12:33

        I didn’t know that.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 22:56

        I should, shouldn’t I?

      • 50 Susan P January 6, 2015 at 23:29

        It would be helpful…

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 12:19

        I’d probably be rubbish at it.

      • 52 Susan P January 7, 2015 at 14:51

        Only if there are worms crawling around in it.

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 21:50

        What a horrid idea. No idea how you got that idea…

      • 54 Susan P January 7, 2015 at 21:59

        You don’t like cherry flavored gummy worns?

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 22:11

        No, of course I do! I used to get that cup of dirt in Fridays…do you know about that?

      • 56 Susan P January 7, 2015 at 22:55

        Yes, I do!

        Clever it was.

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 13:01

        Aha! Yes, I loved that thing.

  10. 58 John W. Howell January 5, 2015 at 18:24

    #1 has to be the best since most of business uses it as operating principle

    • 59 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:28

      *laughs* Now that is an excellent point. Why do they, do you think?

      • 60 John W. Howell January 5, 2015 at 23:20

        Most business people are really dead but no one knows it.(not sure they do either)

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 11:58

        A very good point. Except for people in the sword business, I think.

      • 62 John W. Howell January 6, 2015 at 13:47

        Also in the atomic bomb business.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 22:57

        *laughs* Are they still in business?

      • 64 John W. Howell January 6, 2015 at 23:21

        Yes, in fact, they are introducing their new green model which is 99% radioactive free. Still a big bang but without the dirt. (their motto)

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 12:19

        *laughing* Now this is something I’d like to hear more of. Do you suppose you could do an investigation? I think it would make quite an article.

      • 66 John W. Howell January 7, 2015 at 13:58

        Well, I do have all the facts since I make them up as I go.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 21:47

        *laughing* You can’t admit that! *looks around nervously*

      • 68 John W. Howell January 8, 2015 at 02:13

        As a fiction writer I can

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 13:02

        That’s a good point. You are full of them, you know.

      • 70 John W. Howell January 8, 2015 at 14:05

        Thank you. The only other time someone told me I was full of points was when I served with George Custer at Little Big Horn. That is another story though.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 21:57

        *mouth drops open* I need to hear that story! I love that time period…was Custer as silly as everyone makes him out to be?

      • 72 John W. Howell January 8, 2015 at 23:44

        Only when he got too much sugar.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke January 9, 2015 at 12:43

        Lots of sugar in his coffee?

      • 74 John W. Howell January 9, 2015 at 14:28

        I mean too may sour gummy worms

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke January 9, 2015 at 23:57

        *gagged* I hate those things.

  11. 76 desertdweller29 January 5, 2015 at 17:53

    Though #3 is good, I’d have to say #1, as it allows one to substitute “road” for “hot dog”. Hot dogs, though delicious, are a troubling mix of meats and/or meat-like products. They must be eaten blindly or not at all.

    Welcome back, Prof! Why the change in avatar typeface? Going for the more casual look? Who put you up to this?

    • 77 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:27

      That’s a very good point. Is it scary what they put inside them?

      Thanks! Good to be back. Umm…I did, I think. Isn’t it more spicy?

  12. 78 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 5, 2015 at 17:12

    Professor, your new design is quite handsome. Just look at it…wow. Welcome to 2015, Duke. *cheers and blows a horn*

    Shnoddy’s early verses are some of his wisest, huh? Well, I think so, anyway. Choosing one proves most difficult. Number 2 speaks to me most, I’d say.

    Missed hearing from Smiles. Yes, he has a good point. I’m glad I don’t sell hot dogs or ever could, you know. Maybe tis how I read his thinking that confused me. The Dr has a point, as well. I think all that nonsense on top makes for needing a fork.

    You got into a fight??!!!! With Smiles!!!! Death wish for Christmas.

    Chocolate? Dark Chocolate, perhaps?

    • 79 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:22

      *takes another horn and blows* Welcome! And thanks, Audith. Do you really kinda like it? I think I do. You see, we’re wrapped in an old scroll.

      He is a wise bloke, for sure. But probably not as wise as your Mr. Magi, though.

      Why couldn’t you sell hotdogs, Audith? You’re exactly right! Though, I must admit, I must have a fork when I eat.

      I know. *looks ashamed*

      Yes! And chocolate cashews! Interested in some?

      • 80 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 6, 2015 at 04:53

        Thanks for joining in on the horn blowing, Duke. It isn’t fun being the only one who’s obnoxious. Not even when it’s someone as sweet as me. I thought it was an old scroll. You’ve also taken some stuff away and added a bit, haven’t you? Yes, I like it. Wrapped in an old scroll reminds me of history and important messages, of which you have, Sir. *sits and waits to be taught something important*

        Not a soul wiser than My Magi, Duketh. Of that one must believe, I think. I’m glad he’s still the wisest in the land. *sparkles*

        For one…I’m a woman. Women don’t sell hotdogs, I think. I’ve never seen one. Two…we’d be far too efficient about it and it would take all the fun out of attending a hotdog stand, probably. Yes, a fork, definitely no onion and no pickle…hows about we have mustard and some of that sour stuff I cannot spell this late at night?

        *laughs* What was the fight about?

        Mostly yesly and only if you have some too. *pulls you in line with me*

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 12:08

        You’re not obnoxious! Yes, I’ve made lots of cool changes, I think. I’m not sure what to do with one specific thing, but I’ll figure it out eventually. That reminds me of a Steely Dan song the sudden. Something important? How about snails…

        Am I wiser?

        *laughs* Na! The professor is the on that couldn’t sell hotdogs. I’d tell them to help themselves and pay extra for my trouble. You know, thinking about it, that seems quite fair.

        A cake, believe it or not!

        I can’t…

      • 82 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 6, 2015 at 15:00

        Yes, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. *tries guessing what that is* Which song?? Snails? Umm, sure okay.

        Mmmhmm. Indeed, it is so, I bet. You must be.

        *laughing so much* I can see you saying that….you’re so mean to everyone. You make me laugh.

        Cake isn’t worthy of a fight. Unless you’re a romantic. Romantics are emotional about everything. Smiles is a romantic, I guess..since you are not.

        But why?

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 23:03

        I actually forget about the song I was thinking of! Maybe Bad Sneakers? Snails. Yes, like Charley.

        Nah. Probably not.

        That wasn’t mean! Was it? Was it really spicy? Maybe it was.

        Yes, it is! I’m not a romantic. I’m steel! How’s that?

        I’m not sure. Cause I’ll get fat?

      • 84 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 7, 2015 at 03:44

        Bad Sneakers…hmm. Sorry to that and tis a wonder that your sneakers make you forgetful, you know. Snails? You mean…slugs? Charely? You mean…Charlie? You just broke my heart. Why do you always bring up the past. Stick a knife through my heart, Duke. Just as well, Sir. *sinks into the ocean and swims away*

        I think so…one must be smarter than their creation, I believe. Seems right to me.

        It probably was. ..you should know.

        Steel? Oh really….

        One or two pieces of good chocolate will not make you fat. I will shove it into your mouth. I will. I will.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 12:34

        *laughs* That’s the name of the song, dadblameit! Sinks into the ocean? What if you drown? What if the sharks get you? What if the beast gets you?

        I didn’t create him, though.

        It was, then. But cloaked.

        Yes! Why would you doubt it, madam?

        That’s true…how about a few cherries instead?

      • 86 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 7, 2015 at 21:12

        Oh. *wink* Of course. What if none of that matters and I sink willingly? *creates extra bubble for effect*

        Oh. Then that man is the smartest. Sorry.

        Cloaked. Never would have guessed it.

        Well, Sir, being made of steel seems like the background of a superhero, probably.

        Tis fine, as long as they aren’t marachino cherries.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 22:09

        *pulls Audith out with a rope or two*

        Rats. Okay…maybe I am the…

        I always cloak insults. *laughs wickedly*

        Aren’t I a superhero? A Professorish one?

        I know you hate those!

      • 88 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 8, 2015 at 05:20

        *rolls her eyes and jumps in the boat* You never want to have any fun.

        *borrows your professorish glance*

        Yes, tis how you get us to follow you blindly, I fear. *laughs*

        To me, you are, yes. But it seems a bit, narcissistic of you to offer up the suggestion, you know. Kidding!!!! You’re the farthest from it, but I had to say it. *smells clover*

        *smiles* Well done.

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 13:18

        Sharks…you know…

        *looks away* It’s scary!

        *laughs too*

        You do have such a point. Now, I must do penance. What shall it be? Clover…where?

        *smiles proudly*

      • 90 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 8, 2015 at 20:04

        Oh. Do they live there, too?

        Yep. I thought you were a warrior. ..

        Umm. Well, seems you should do something routine and boring all day. Or chanting. Do you like chanting? Clover over by the stream. See? Where the frogs are hopping along.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 22:19

        Of course!

        Yes, but no one beats the professor!

        I did. I transposed Chopin. *gloomy face* Dadblame beast. Frogs! Did you catch one?

      • 92 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 9, 2015 at 05:29

        *laughs*

        Not even me. *ashamed* Wears her “no longer a lady* broach on her eye patch.

        You did…why do I find that so facinating? I am so curious. I would like to watch. *eyes lit up* No. I don’t touch them…only enjoy watching them hop about.

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke January 9, 2015 at 12:57

        On your patch? You’re going to poke your eye out!

        It’s such a long process. Have to transpose from piano, then transpose down a half step. I changed the key.

      • 94 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 9, 2015 at 15:55

        It’s a protected eye, Duketh. Has a patch…

        I bet it’s lovely.

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke January 10, 2015 at 00:01

        Thanks, Audith. It’s…going to be. I like it lots. Now just to give it to Martha Masters.

      • 96 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 10, 2015 at 15:37

        And Martha Masters will work her magic, I bet.

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke January 10, 2015 at 21:11

        What do you make of her?

      • 98 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 11, 2015 at 02:33

        I have no idea who she is, Duketh. *embarrassed wandering eyes* Does she make pancakes? I want one.

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2015 at 19:46

        Oh! I thought you knew from the way you replied. She’s just a classical guitarist. I have to get them to play my arrangements, I think.

      • 100 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 12, 2015 at 02:27

        I see, sounds very important. Will they play your arrangements?

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:04

        I’m not sure! But I’ll try.

      • 102 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 13, 2015 at 01:20

        I will be hoping for you. They would be foolish not to, you know.

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:55

        Aw, Audith. You’re very nice to the professor.

      • 104 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 13, 2015 at 16:30

        That’s me…the nice lady in the corner.

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 22:32

        In the corner? I don’t think so!

      • 106 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 14, 2015 at 02:41

        Yes, I think so!

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke January 14, 2015 at 13:00

        *shakes head* No, no!

  13. 108 Debbie January 5, 2015 at 16:34

    Love your redesign — it’s very masculine. Perhaps MM had a hand in it??

    Proverb #1 is my favorite. Things are never as clear as we want them to be.

    I’ve never bought a hotdog at a hotdog stand. That must be an East Coast-thing. The owner of a hotdog stand would go broke in a week here!

    Sounds like a great party. Families can be … complicated.

    • 109 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:19

      *laughs* Nice! Warrior-ish then, too! Nah…he didn’t…all professor!

      True. Not even the TV at times.

      What if he had pizzas? I”m surprised they don’t go broke here.

      Isn’t that the truth? Poison the punch, see.

  14. 110 masgautsen January 5, 2015 at 16:10

    Happy New Year! I quite like this news and such :)

    • 111 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:18

      Hey! And Happy New Year to you as well! Thank you. Do you have snow? It’s my question to everyone. I think I’m cranky that I don’t.

      • 112 masgautsen January 6, 2015 at 18:28

        We don’t have snow at the moment, but we had some for Christmas :)

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 23:12

        That’s awesome! A white Christmas.

  15. 114 InfiniteZip January 5, 2015 at 14:09

    I think my glasses just may need cleaning, or take the sunglasses off when it’s dark😊☀️

    • 115 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:18

      Do you have red sunglasses, Zippy?

      • 116 InfiniteZip January 6, 2015 at 10:18

        Silver and purple….no red ones….red dress yes.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 12:09

        Red dresses? With a yellow hat?

      • 118 InfiniteZip January 6, 2015 at 14:02

        No, black or purple only…

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 22:57

        Purple is girly!

      • 120 InfiniteZip January 7, 2015 at 10:05

        Well tell that to the rockstar formerly known as Prince….💜

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 12:38

        Who’s that?

      • 122 InfiniteZip January 7, 2015 at 14:04

        He’s a symbol….Wikipedia him….

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 21:47

        Like the Pi symbol?

      • 124 InfiniteZip January 8, 2015 at 10:12

        No, that’s a much cooler symbol than his…I like Pi, I like pie too…and birthday cake😛

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 13:20

        Birthday cake is tops!

  16. 126 L. Marie January 5, 2015 at 13:53

    Number 3, just . . . because.
    You can’t have a true Chicago hotdog without onions and relish.
    How nice of Mortimer to sell old chocolate for 50 percent off. But I would wait till they’re 75 or 90 percent off.
    In your fight with Smiles Riot, did you wield your katana?

    • 127 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:17

      Aha! So…it’s expected to have onions and relish in Chicago? Interesting. I should have complained.

      That’s very smart of you. Then we could buy carts of it.

      Nah! Just argued. I wish I did, though.

  17. 128 Julie Harris January 5, 2015 at 13:43

    Happy New Year! All the proverbs are superb this week- I especially like the first one…no pathway is ever free of debris!

    • 129 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:17

      Happy New Year! Very true. Even if it’s just a frog with teeth!

  18. 130 FictionFan January 5, 2015 at 13:32

    50% off chocolate!!!!!!!!!!! If only we didn’t know so much about the manufacturing process… *eats a nice healthy piece of fruit*

    It’s good to see Shnoddy’s standards have remained constant since the beginning. He’s a perfect example of my favourite one really – no. 3!

    Did you know I was once a person who sold hotdogs? Smiles could have trusted me…

    Whenever Smiles and the Professor feel like fighting about relations, they should pause and remember it could be worse. Imagine being related to WOB and BUS… *shivers*

    Happy New Year, Prof and team!

    • 131 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:16

      But does chocolate go bad? What fruit did thou eat?

      *laughs* You’re so mean to him. Did I tell you he had a son?

      No! Really? I thought hotdogs was an American thing. Did you have a stand?

      *laughing* But…look here…WOB seems sweet to me. I’m kinda cranky that BUS didn’t offer me some cake, though.

      Happy New Year, FEF!

      • 132 FictionFan January 6, 2015 at 01:44

        Not in my house, it doesn’t! But I was thinking more of Mr Butterfield’s worms and insects. *crinkles nose disgustedly*. ‘Twas a boring apple. *crinkles nose disgustedly*

        No! When did that happen?!? Poor Mrs S – as if she hadn’t enough problems!

        I had a booth – inside the Crazy Horse pub in Butlin’s Holiday Camp – a concept I don’t think the Americans ever stole from us. Kinda like Disney, but without the fun or the glamour. But the booth was great – right next to the bar. I had a great deal going with the barmen – free hotdogs in exchange for free drinks…

        Yes, I saw you calling him FFF, just as if he’d never been wicked to me! So much for loyalty! I don’t think you deserve cake.

        *smiles bigly*

      • 133 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 12:00

        Well, I knew that! Oh…that’s right. Well, it makes the chocolate creamier. So, it’s worth it! Apples are good for you! Did you do your pushups today?

        I think he’s 10-years-old, or so. What a perfect age, wouldn’t you say?

        Disney isn’t fun neither! *dies of humidity* That sounds cool…I’d like to visit…but look here, you were always wicked, I suppose.

        Last time I defended you, you yelled at me! (Was he mean to you the sudden?)

      • 134 FictionFan January 6, 2015 at 16:15

        Yucketh! Of course, I suppose you eat a lot of worms. *sobs* Not yet – must I, master? Surely you don’t want to dance with someone with biceps like Rafa…

        No, I would not! Well… unless you mean perfect for pie filling… *licks lips gnomishly*

        I fear the camp is now closed – nothing at all to do with my hotdogs, I hasten to add! It was indeed a summer of wickedness… *chuckles reminiscently**

        I’ve changed my mind now though… (No, but I bet that’s only ‘cos he’s scared of you…)

      • 135 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 23:07

        I don’t eat worms at all! How horrid. *laughs* Of course you don’t need to! I’m just picking on you. Sorry.

        Ew! You’re not serious!

        A summer of wickedness? I want some details!

        Okay, then. But he calls himself something different. I think BUS adopted BUS. (Nice!)

      • 136 FictionFan January 7, 2015 at 02:08

        You mean you just hunt them for pleasure?!? Too late! I’ve done 4,623 now and my arms look like Popeye’s after the spinach…

        Of course I’m not! Where would I get a pie crust big enough?!

        Good noodles, no! A girl must retain some mystery… *chuckles wickedly*

        Yes, but FFF is too close to FEF for comfort, especially for someone who types as sloppily as me. I think BUS quite likes being unpredictable…

      • 137 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 12:27

        Well, I throw them in a can and feed the fishes. Wow!!!!! That’s got to be a record. I can’t manage that many!

        *laughing lots* Okay, that was really well done, I must admit.

        Rats. I was so looking forward to it, too.

        That’s a good point. It plays with the eyes too…when I was typing that, I was thinking about how close it was. Then I reminded myself that you both are related–even if you deny it! I’m happy BUS likes her name. (I thought she was going to hate it, too.)

      • 138 FictionFan January 7, 2015 at 17:32

        Bubbles? I hope he appreciates it! *smiles proudly and flexes biceps*

        *curtseys*

        I’ll tell you when you’re 90…

        I’m pretty sure there was a mistake in the maternity hospital and I was accidentally swapped. My true family are probably royalty, I suspect. The fact that I look like my Dad is purely coincidental. (See? Told you she’s unpredictable…

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 22:00

        Okay. The sudden I’ve had a birthday. And…wow, I’m 90! Do tell.

        That’s what you get in a Scottish hospital! *ducks*

      • 140 FictionFan January 8, 2015 at 02:44

        Oh, sorry – typo! I meant 95.

        *gives careful instructions to Tuppence whilst sharpening her claws*

      • 141 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 13:10

        *laughs and shakes head*

        *gulps and gets guard dogs ready*

      • 142 FictionFan January 8, 2015 at 16:08

        *tells Tuppence to be gentle with the sweet little doggies*

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 22:13

        And the professor!

      • 144 FictionFan January 9, 2015 at 02:38

        Hmm…

      • 145 Professor VJ Duke January 9, 2015 at 12:52

        ==]:{)=

  19. 146 PorterGirl January 5, 2015 at 12:31

    Happy New Year PL family! Goodness, I have missed you all. So good to have you back.

    I remember these proverbs – where may I collect my points? My favourite is number three. It seems quite stern, which is just what I need today.

    The hotdog commentary is very resonant. If I am not offered onions and pickles I demand them, loudly. Hotdog sellers not offering these delicious sausage companions should be soundly spanked!

    There seems to be a fight at every party you attend, Professor! Your spicy nature must inspire violence wherever you go. Either that, or jealousy over your haircut. I cannot decide which it might be.

    • 147 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:14

      Hey Lucy!!! Good to see you. Have you had lots of cookies? I fear I’ve had.

      You do not! Really? *smiles bigly* That is more than awesome. Well…I’m not sure. How can I reward you?

      I agree! What’s the difference between a hotdog and a sausage?

      My haircut? I was just about to shave it like Vin Diesel. Should I?

      • 148 PorterGirl January 6, 2015 at 08:22

        It’s good to see you too! I have eaten lots of everything, not just cookies. I am like a little barrel now, I fear.

        Ordinarily I would like to be rewarded with food, but I have had too much of that. You could sing me a little song, perhaps.

        That’s a good question. Maybe when a sausage is in a bun it becomes a hotdog? This puzzle will require some hard thinking about.

        That would be interesting, but your head might get cold. You could always pop on a wig for chilly days!

      • 149 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 12:09

        *laughs* Oh, you are not! But time to whip yourself back into shape! With pushups!

        Sing a song? *gulps* Of what?

        It’s always confused me. I want to say I think sausages taste better…

        *laughs* Or a Pats beanie!

      • 150 PorterGirl January 6, 2015 at 12:24

        I am doing push-ups as we speak!

        Sing me something by Jethro Tull! Or, my favourite song – Incey Wincey Spider.

        I think sausages are more ‘proper’, if you know what I mean. Hotdogs come from scary bits of a pig, I think. But they are great with onions and pickles!

        Or ask Terry the cat to sit on your head. His furry tummy is very warm.

      • 151 Professor VJ Duke January 6, 2015 at 22:56

        No way! Great. I hate pushups. And they hate me.

        Hmm…how about Orion?

        *laughs* The scary bits! I don’t want to even think on that. We should just have steak, I say.

        Is it bald? My dog’s belly was bald when he was young.

      • 152 PorterGirl January 7, 2015 at 08:36

        Sit-ups are a bit better but they make me dizzy, a bit.

        Orion would be perfect! I like the guitar on that one.

        Steak is one of my most favourite things ever. Yes, let’s have steak.

        It is very furry indeed. It smells a bit funny but is warm and soft. Did your dog grow belly hair eventually? What is your dog’s name? (How nosey I am!)

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 12:36

        I’m with you on that! I hate exercising. But it’s a necessary evil. *mad face*

        Yes! I love that whole album. *sings it*

        Let’s do it, then! Steak is so hearty.

        He did! His name is Rommel, believe it or not! I should post a few pics of him. He’s the professor’s guard dog. You know I’m hunted right?

      • 154 PorterGirl January 7, 2015 at 12:53

        Haha I like your mad face.

        It’s a great album – your singing makes it even better!

        It’s a deal – steak it is, Professor!

        Rommel is a super name! And I am so pleased be grew tummy fur. I know you must be hunted by all kinds of terrifying creatures and persons. Having a guard dog is most wise. I would love to see a pic of him!

      • 155 Professor VJ Duke January 7, 2015 at 21:43

        *bows* Many thanks, madam!

        Thank you!

        *nods*

        Yes…it’s a dangerous business, mine. I’m not sure what it is yet, but it’s dangerous. Okay, tomorrow then!

      • 156 PorterGirl January 8, 2015 at 08:49

        Super!

      • 157 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2015 at 13:19

        *nods*

  20. 158 Simply Skeptical January 5, 2015 at 12:11

    Welcome back Prof & Crew! Happy 2015 to you all!!

    #1 is my favorite since clear roads ahead can be quite deceptive.

    A beavers front tooth?? Ha, ha…wherever do you come up with your pharaseology?? Laughing!

    Glad to hear those after holiday sales state some truth where Mortimer is concerned; 50% off old and unsold chocolate isn’t that the truth. Laughing!

    Thanks for the uplift. Now I’m ready to face the week with a grin I think or perhaps more like a shagrin…

    • 159 Professor VJ Duke January 5, 2015 at 22:10

      Happy 2015 to you, SS! Do you feel old? I think I do.

      Well, that’s Dr. Purdue for you. He’s just…well, his comparisons are just odd, I’d say.

      But can chocolate go bad?

      *laughs*


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