Article I: Wit, Wisdom, and the Daily Dose of Sarcasm
a. Proverbs by the esteemed PL Poet, educator, and author V. Shnodgrate:
(These following proverbs are some of Shnodgrate’s earliest. Many points if you remember any of them. [Shnod is on a holiday—still.])
1. If at any point, the road ahead looks clear, then you must readjust your glasses.
2. Self-doubt is rampant disease of the mind; it creates the perfect haven for pride.
3. Incompetence is defined by a hybrid of laziness and indifference.
Pick a favorite! (Please, of course.)
The first time I bought a hotdog at a hotdog stand, I wasn’t offered any onions or pickles. Last week, while trekking about, I stopped at a hotdog stand and was offered both onions and pickles. The land is either getting better, or that first hotdog stand owner was a beaver’s front tooth! ~ Dr. Purdue Whitacker
I can’t trust people who sell hotdogs. And if I can’t trust people who sell hotdogs, how can I trust myself? ~ Smiles Riot
Article II: Breaking News
a. The New Year’s Even party at Fat Man Island went quite awry. Smiles Riot and Professor VJ Duke started fighting over family relations.
b. Mortimer Butterfield—CEO of the CIO—stated that his chocolate products (all of them) will be 50% off until he sells all the old ones that didn’t sell last year.
T P L News&Such has three towers across the land, which they use to service mostly every PL’er. It is the largest subscribed to newspaper in TPL.
Managing Editor: J. Freedwoppen