T P L News&Such (2)

News and Such1/12/15

Article I: Wit, Wisdom, and the Daily Dose of Sarcasm

a. Proverbs by the esteemed PL Poet, educator, and author V. Shnodgrate:

1. The only things that are subjective in life, don’t matter.

2. Who has the right viewpoint, the mountain or the blade of grass? Neither—unless they are not depending on their viewpoint. For the blade of grass can’t see what the mountain can see, and the mountain can’t see what the blade of grass can see.

3. Gravel is small, yet it still corrupts the sandal.

Pick a favorite if you are agreeable. Pict two, if you are unsure. Pick three, if you don’t understand one.

b. The following is a bit of social commentary by Dr. Purdue Whitacker (head doctor at Crackjaw Mental Institution) and Spitz Mulligan.

Have you ever noticed how concrete always cracks? No matter what? The concrete guy said it wouldn’t crack. But it does. Here are the options: One, the concrete guy lied. I like this option, because it sounds true. Two, the concrete wasn’t installed properly, meaning the concrete guy didn’t do a proper job. Three, the concrete surprised us all. Either way you cut it, the concrete guy is no good. ~ Dr. Purdue Whitacker

I noticed that people walk their dogs on chains. Too bad we didn’t institute that practice with politicians. At least, they’d look a little more respectable with chains around their necks. ~ Spitz Mulligan

Article II: Breaking News

a. Prince Beef and Dr. Zauberer had a long debate…about the state of beef in the world.

b. Sandra Salami has opened up a Hospital with Bud Parker.

T P L News&Such has three towers across the land, which they use to service mostly every PL’er. It is the largest subscribed to newspaper in TPL.
Managing Editor: J. Freedwoppen

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252 Responses to “T P L News&Such (2)”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 January 27, 2015 at 23:03

    I like the second proverb! It’s very wise. ;-)
    Is Spitz Mulligan’s primary raison d’eitre to spew acid everywhere? It sure sounds like it. Because there are good politicians, you know,
    Concrete always cracks with time. It’s because they haven’t found a perfect recipe for it, and a perfect way to install it, yet.
    What is Bud Parker doing at the hospital? I think it needs explanation!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2015 at 01:55

      Spitz is always causing trouble. Doesn’t he strike you as the sort? Very crooked.

      Concrete…I must come up with that recipe, then.

      Well, he’s a doctor of sorts, believe it or not.

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 January 28, 2015 at 03:17

        Yes, he is.
        Maybe you should ask Tony Stark, though he’d probably get bored and the formula might explode, or radiate nuclear energy, or something of that sort.
        What?! Bud Parker, a doctor?!

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2015 at 14:33

        I should have a get together with Tony Star… *thinks about it*

        He is! Not a good one. He’s normally an inventor.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 January 29, 2015 at 02:23

        Stark? Maybe…
        Has he ever invented anything that, you know, actually worked?

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:34

        *laughing* Well…not completely, right?

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 January 30, 2015 at 02:47

        My point exactly. :-P Stark gets points for finishing stuff… even some pointless stuff, because other stuff did have a point… and style. Dr. Zauberer has no style. Therefore, Tony wins by default :-P

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:19

        But Dr. Zauberer is adorable.

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 January 31, 2015 at 04:09

        … him?! *passes out*

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:43

        See? You just fainted.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 February 1, 2015 at 19:47

        No, I didn’t. I did it without dramatic flair. That’s not a faint or even a swoon, it’s just a fanfareless loss of consciousness.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:51

        Which means you maybe probably kinda think that he is.

      • 13 erinkenobi2893 February 1, 2015 at 22:57

        No, I don’t. It was shock, pure and simple.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2015 at 22:37

        Oh rats.

      • 15 erinkenobi2893 February 3, 2015 at 12:19

        X-P

  2. 16 Jackie January 14, 2015 at 20:32

    I am unsure – I pick 2 and 3.

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2015 at 01:26

      *Laughing* That’s just fine. I think I like…I’m undecided too!

  3. 18 Hazy January 13, 2015 at 13:43

    I kinda like #3. It’s so annoying when that happens!

    Walking the dog can be quite fun. But tiring too.

    A hospital! Interesting. Has Sandra finished her medical studies already? Wait, Bud isn’t a nurse, is he?

    • 19 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 22:23

      It is! Though, I must say, I’ve never experienced it!

      It sure can. Weatherly goes for walks on his own, I bet.

      No, Bud’s a doctor. Do you suppose he’d make a better nurse? *laughs* She has, yes.

      • 20 Hazy January 18, 2015 at 05:04

        Really? Lucky you! But does the professor ever wear sandals? Small pebbles have found their way in mine a few times.

        Yes, he does! Or he shadows me when I walk my dog. They’re good friends, you know.

        I never thought Bud was a doctor. I must have missed that tidbit! Probably better as a nurse, though I think he wouldn’t like being bossed around by Doc Sandy. *laughs*

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke January 19, 2015 at 03:43

        You know, I don’t often! It’s snowing here.

        That’s perfect.

        (He probably will anyway!!!)

      • 22 Hazy February 15, 2015 at 06:39

        Is it still snowing there now? Stay warm! I wonder how long one could last wearing sandals on snowy ground…

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 13:48

        Not long! *shivers* It’s so cold here, it’s unbelievable!

      • 24 Hazy March 7, 2015 at 06:28

        Do you wear snowshoes? or spiky-soled ones to keep from slipping?

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2015 at 00:15

        *laughs* Nah, I don’t wear any of those thingies…

  4. 26 InfiniteZip January 13, 2015 at 10:36

    #3 and red ants corrupt sneakers too.

    • 27 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:56

      Do they hurt?

      • 28 InfiniteZip January 13, 2015 at 16:41

        Yes sir, vile nasty bitey things…..worse in the trousers…..

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 22:33

        Not in the trousers! How do they get up there?

      • 30 InfiniteZip January 14, 2015 at 10:19

        They march in a line of course, like a parade.

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke January 14, 2015 at 13:02

        You should crush them!

      • 32 InfiniteZip January 14, 2015 at 14:01

        Ant spray too

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2015 at 01:15

        That stuff smells sweet.

  5. 34 Catherine January 13, 2015 at 02:44

    Since I am agreeable (that is an established fact now, by the way), I will pick number three. I like it.

    Also, I like Dr. Purdue Whitacker; he always has something wise to say! Cracked concrete is very annoying.

    • 35 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:56

      That’s a great fact to establish. Was it hard to establish?

      It is! I’m worrying about beetles building a nest in the crack.

      • 36 Catherine January 17, 2015 at 21:45

        Not very…I just said it, and it was established! You should try it sometime.

        Yucketh! (notice how I cleverly slipped a PL saying in there) Especially if they pop up while you’re trying to walk innocently on the sidewalk.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2015 at 02:13

        Wow. Okay…umm…the professor will fly one day! I think I just did one!

        Beautifully done! Awesome. And bite!

      • 38 Catherine January 20, 2015 at 03:42

        *laughing* I certainly hope it works! But I think it only works that way with little things.

        Why, thank you! I’m pretty proud of myself.

        Ooh, nasty. Biting beetles in sidewalk cracks.

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke January 20, 2015 at 13:07

        Well, I’ll jump off a building and let you know. Of course, you should be blamed if something goes wrong. But I doubt it!

      • 40 Catherine January 22, 2015 at 02:24

        Maybe you should try it with a parachute first, just to be sure!

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2015 at 02:35

        How much do they cost?

      • 42 Catherine February 3, 2015 at 03:04

        I’ve never bought one, but I’d imagine they’re at least more than 40 dollars. And anything over $40 is rather a lot of money.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2015 at 19:19

        I agree! Maybe they cost…about $55.

      • 44 Catherine February 6, 2015 at 04:18

        Hopefully, and not any more than that! Though I don’t know where you would buy one…

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:06

        Yes, me neither. Maybe Home Depot?

      • 46 Catherine February 9, 2015 at 03:25

        You could try, although they have more gardening and house stuff. But you never know until you try!

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:35

        *nods* Well, I’ll just call them. *imagines the conversation*

      • 48 Catherine February 12, 2015 at 02:43

        *laughs* not sure you’re going to get very far that way.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2015 at 21:19

        Oh rats and a heifer. That’s a good point, too. *glowers*

      • 50 Catherine February 20, 2015 at 02:44

        I don’t suppose you could actually call them?

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:02

        I didn’t think of that! *does it*

  6. 52 Louis from VA January 12, 2015 at 22:23

    :D Number two is my favorite. Quite true, and something we all could keep in mind.
    XD Politicians on chains… That would be funny. You know, they need to do something to make elections funnier for sure. Make all the candidates live together on a small island for a few weeks and film it or something.

    • 53 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:53

      For sure! It makes me thing every time I read it. It’s a real zinger.

      *laughing* That’s a great idea! Like a show on their everyday lives. Imagine…all the candidates in one hotel together. Like a Top Shot or something.

      • 54 Louis from VA January 20, 2015 at 23:28

        Exactly! Think of the ratings!

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke January 21, 2015 at 14:10

        It would be dreadfully fun!

  7. 56 desertdweller29 January 12, 2015 at 18:49

    #2. For some reason, it was narrated in my head by the little man in The Princess Bride trying to avoid the poisoned wine. Alas, he dies.

    • 57 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:16

      That fellow! He’s kinda depressing. I mean, do you suppose him dull?

      • 58 desertdweller29 January 12, 2015 at 20:30

        Dull? No. Neurotic? Yes!

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:44

        *laughs* And he did–the sudden. I did miss him, you know.

      • 60 desertdweller29 January 12, 2015 at 20:31

        btw, I saw that the Pats won. You must be very happy, Professor!

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:45

        *big smiling face* Wasn’t that awesome? And Julian (he’s like me, you know) threw a touchdown!

      • 62 desertdweller29 January 13, 2015 at 14:15

        I did see it! I believe I heard a guitar riff over the desert when that happened. If I had known it was for you, I would have cheered. I was very happy they won, otherwise my cousin would have been in a foul mood.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 22:25

        *laughs* Is he a Pats fan?

      • 64 desertdweller29 January 14, 2015 at 01:27

        Painfully so… :)

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke January 14, 2015 at 12:58

        I’m sure we’d be buds then!

  8. 66 Susan P January 12, 2015 at 16:50

    Well, golly. Those proverbs left me speechless.
    I can get on board with putting politicians on a chain. A short one. That expires after one term.

    I think that I will wait to see how Sandra’s hospital goes before commenting upon it.

    • 67 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:16

      That’s a good idea. Should it be a choke collar of sorts?

      Would you go there, do you suppose?

      • 68 Susan P January 12, 2015 at 21:21

        Perfect. You are a genius!

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:50

        Nah! I’m dull, remember. And heartless. You do know that, right?

      • 70 Susan P January 13, 2015 at 13:06

        Hah! More like instigator.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 22:17

        *nods* That’s right, too. But I’m also heartless. Like George is.

      • 72 Susan P January 14, 2015 at 00:03

        *starts a snowball fight*

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke January 14, 2015 at 12:54

        *dives behind a tree*

      • 74 Susan P January 14, 2015 at 13:13

        Hey! That’s not fair.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2015 at 01:14

        *makes a bunch of snowballs*

      • 76 Susan P January 15, 2015 at 02:37

        Rolls a really big snow ball and rolls it down hill at the Professor.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2015 at 18:39

        Oh dear. *tries to jump over it*

      • 78 Susan P January 15, 2015 at 19:14

        *watches as VJ tries to find a way out*

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke January 16, 2015 at 02:31

        *screams right before he gets run over*

      • 80 Susan P January 16, 2015 at 21:56

        *looks in horror* Is that blood or did you have catsup for lunch?

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke January 17, 2015 at 02:16

        Well…you crushed me!

      • 82 Susan P January 17, 2015 at 13:26

        Krikies! It was SNOW not a Sherman Tank.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2015 at 01:57

        *laughs* I the sudden love that word! (But I must dissuade you from trying to kill me.)

      • 84 Susan P January 29, 2015 at 14:47

        Snow balls kill you?

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:54

        If they have rocks in them!

      • 86 Susan P January 29, 2015 at 23:48

        Well um. We don’t have to do rocks in them…

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:18

        Well that’s tops! I was getting worried for a minute.

      • 88 Susan P January 31, 2015 at 00:19

        :D What will you do then?

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:40

        If they had rocks? run!

      • 90 Susan P February 1, 2015 at 21:49

        I am greatly relieved.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2015 at 22:37

        I think I am.

      • 92 Susan P February 2, 2015 at 23:50

        You think you are?

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2015 at 19:16

        Mostly, yes.

      • 94 Susan P February 3, 2015 at 22:09

        Is that like being mostly dead?

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2015 at 21:14

        I’m probably that too!

      • 96 Susan P February 4, 2015 at 22:46

        Cross country flights can have that effect.

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:30

        I’m still suffering from it, huh?

      • 98 Susan P February 7, 2015 at 00:10

        It’s a never ending problem.

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:29

        Oh! Don’t say that!

      • 100 Susan P February 7, 2015 at 12:51

        But…I just did!

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 23:43

        *holds ears* I’m sure I didn’t hear it!

      • 102 Susan P February 8, 2015 at 00:15

        *yodels* as loudly as she can

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:17

        *looks out for the Yeti*

      • 104 Susan P February 9, 2015 at 14:45

        *running for my life*

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:53

        *does too*

      • 106 Susan P February 9, 2015 at 23:39

        Watch out for that tree!

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 21:35

        Now I’m like Tarzan.

      • 108 Susan P February 10, 2015 at 21:51

        Or George of the jungle.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 22:08

        True.

      • 110 Susan P February 11, 2015 at 14:24

        Or Spider Man

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2015 at 21:57

        That’s definitely me!!!!!!!!!!

      • 112 Susan P February 11, 2015 at 22:24

        *nods wisely* That was what I thought.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2015 at 23:14

        Yeah! I have this web stuff. It’s cool.

      • 114 Susan P February 12, 2015 at 15:14

        DING BUST IT! Where did you find that?

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2015 at 21:37

        Somewhere in my wrists!

      • 116 Susan P February 14, 2015 at 00:34

        What do you plan to do about it?

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke February 14, 2015 at 18:22

        Shoot it at everyone I run into!

      • 118 Susan P February 14, 2015 at 18:29

        What if someone gets a bigger one?

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 13:39

        *gulps*

      • 120 Susan P February 16, 2015 at 13:56

        It is always a good idea to try to anticipate your opponents strategy.

  9. 121 Heartafire January 12, 2015 at 16:14

    Prof, I adore proverb # 3. If anything will get my attention, it’s a pebble in my sandal. thank you for this fantastic blog.

    • 122 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:17

      *bows* Good to see you hear! You know, I’ve never had a pebble in a sandal. Does it hurt?

      • 123 Heartafire January 12, 2015 at 20:33

        Are we speaking metaphorically? Yes, it is a real attention grabber.

      • 124 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:45

        And physically, too! Though I’ve never experienced it.

  10. 125 Debbie January 12, 2015 at 15:29

    Proverb #2 definitely, though #3 is a close second. Odd how we all bring our own unique perspective to things. As for that gravel, it’s certain that the tiniest things are the things that cause the most problems (ants, mosquitoes, that sort of tiny thing)

    I thought concrete cracked because of weather conditions.The freezing and thawing cycle, you know. Although blaming a person does have its benefits!

    • 126 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:14

      Mosquitoes! I hate them to death. And did you know, they actually hurt sometimes?!

      It does! Do you suppose they’d redo the whole thing for me?

      • 127 Debbie January 12, 2015 at 20:34

        It’s your concrete?? No, I don’t think they’ll redo it, unless you can prove they did it wrong in the first place. It’s time-consuming and expensive to redo concrete. And they’ll probably try to blame you anyway!

      • 128 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:46

        Well, I have a few cracks I could point out. But it was all done years ago. The world isn’t fair, Debbie.

  11. 129 Julie Harris January 12, 2015 at 15:21

    All the proverbs are groovy…# 3 is my preference for today. Gravel is such a tiny thing, but man does it hurt when it gets into those sandals!!

    • 130 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:14

      It sure does! It even cuts!

  12. 131 L. Marie January 12, 2015 at 14:58

    Going with number 2, because I haven’t seen grass in so long, thanks to the snow. Someone has to stand up for the grassy perspective.
    Um, why did the doctor bring up concrete? Are you sure Dr. Whitacker is the head doctor and not an inmate? The fact that he mentioned the cracking of concrete makes me wonder if there are some cracks in his psyche. Or perhaps he gazed out of the window and saw some workpeople doing a crummy job. Or perhaps it’s like John mentioned: a gravel conspiracy.

    • 132 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:13

      *laughing lots* That’s such a good point. Do you suppose, though, a saner type of inmate might–just might–be the best type of person to be the doctor? I’m not sure. Just a thought. I mean, I thought he was sane. But I see your point the sudden.

      The grassy perspective…that’s wonderful. I need some grass here.

  13. 133 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 12, 2015 at 14:52

    Proverb number 3 is very true…I tend to crawl out of my skin over something not feeling right. Proverb number two wins. I’m headed to the top of a mountain again. I shall try making sense.

    Concrete does it on purpose…don’t blame the poor man doing the work, Duke.

    • 134 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:12

      The top of a mountain? Very nice. Which mountain is it?

      But who should I blame?

      • 135 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 13, 2015 at 01:16

        Same one I climbed this summer. *smiles*

        The earth…its always shifting about, Duke.

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:54

        I think that’s a sad smile, the sudden.

        It is! I know. What a bugger it is.

      • 137 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 13, 2015 at 16:26

        Yes, and it still is. *brave smile*

        Fix it!

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 22:31

        Aha. What’s up, Audith? *raises one eyebrow*

        That’s a big no can do, partner.

      • 139 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 14, 2015 at 02:31

        *smiles* I do appreciate you asking, ya brute. Let’s me know you care.

        And then you do make me laugh out loud! That was the best! Do you have a piece of straw hanging from your mouth? I do love that saying.

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke January 14, 2015 at 13:00

        Brute? I suppose I am. *thinks on it* But you’re not going to tell me. Oh well.

        *laughing too* Reminds me of that chap for Night in the Museum.

      • 141 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 14, 2015 at 21:18

        Not in the middle of Times Square, I’m not. Oh well, indeed.

        Yes, he’s funny and sweet. Unlike you today.

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2015 at 01:28

        You’re in Times Square?

        Jed? Sweet?!

      • 143 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 15, 2015 at 03:31

        When I’m about your blog I am..

        Yeah, he’s adorable, right?

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2015 at 18:42

        Hmm…but why?

        It’s his feistiness and meanness which makes you like him.

      • 145 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 15, 2015 at 20:52

        I’m too private about myself and it really bothers you, huh?

        Yes, in truth. Nothing better than feisty and bossy. I really love that, actually.

      • 146 Professor VJ Duke January 16, 2015 at 02:38

        Well…yes. *scared about being honest*

        Me too. Good ole’ Jed.

      • 147 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 16, 2015 at 05:16

        You don’t have to be scared of me. Just because I appear strong and independent doesn’t mean I’m a bully.

        Jed is cool. Cute, too.

      • 148 Professor VJ Duke January 17, 2015 at 02:00

        Actually…well, never mind. But that’s very true.

        Cute? He’s dusty and ugly!

      • 149 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 17, 2015 at 04:01

        Actually, what?

        He does sit in a museum all day. I bet a nice woman comes along and feathers his nose a bit… yes, cute. Ugly can be cute.

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2015 at 01:54

        Not going to say!

        Dusts his nose… *laughs* I bet he wants to shoot her, huh?

      • 151 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 19, 2015 at 04:34

        But why not? That doesn’t seem fair at all.

        Or sneeze…. *giggle*

      • 152 Professor VJ Duke January 19, 2015 at 21:21

        I admit, it isn’t…oh dear.

        *laughs* You do have a point.

      • 153 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 20, 2015 at 01:45

        It’s okay.

      • 154 Professor VJ Duke January 20, 2015 at 13:01

        Thanks, Audith!

  14. 155 John W. Howell January 12, 2015 at 14:09

    I like number three since I am so often assaulted by the gravel world. I think the cracking concrete is the result of a gravel conspiracy. Sandals are only the most obvious of their subversion efforts. The State of Beef has been recognized by the United Nations as a zone needing support and a vegetable relief effort.

    • 156 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:12

      *laughs* The vegetable relief effort really scares me, if I’m entirely honest. I mean…isn’t that dreadful sounding? Just a bit, mind you.

      The gravel world…is it bigger than I had anticipated?

      • 157 John W. Howell January 12, 2015 at 22:39

        Any cause is UN fodder (um excuse the vegetable reference)

      • 158 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:54

        *laughs* Vegetables! I’m depressed the sudden.

      • 159 John W. Howell January 13, 2015 at 14:07

        I personally never met a Turnup I liked.

      • 160 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 22:24

        That’s a very good point. How about a beet?

      • 161 John W. Howell January 13, 2015 at 22:50

        Beets have even poorer manners. besides they always appear angry.

      • 162 Professor VJ Duke January 14, 2015 at 12:53

        *laughs* Aha! Beet red. I see. Plus there’s too much juice, I hear.

      • 163 John W. Howell January 14, 2015 at 14:15

        Yes. Makes the white linen look gruesome.

      • 164 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2015 at 01:17

        For sure! And sticky.

  15. 165 Alastair Savage January 12, 2015 at 13:27

    I love the proverb of the mountain and the blade of grass. That’s clearly the work of an aged sage.

    • 166 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:09

      *nods* How long do you suppose it takes Shnod to come up with these?

  16. 167 FictionFan January 12, 2015 at 13:16

    1, I’m guessing Shnoddy’s subjective then.
    2. Started out nonsensical but almost became sort of a tiny bit maybe profound…ish.
    3. Ah, the winner! In fact, it’s so meaningful I’m pretty sure Shnoddy must have nicked it…

    Why does the link for Spitz go to Smiles? I thought you were Spitz, Fitz?

    No, I’ve never noticed that. But maybe that’s because I’m a girl, and somehow concrete inspection has never been one of my hobbies. But maybe it’s because people dance the flamenco on it…

    Politicians should never be treated as well as dogs!

    Is Bud the doctor or the patient?

    • 168 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:08

      1. He sure is! And since I’m a rock, I’m objective, see.
      2. I thought you said professorish for a moment!
      3. Happen to you sometimes, I see?

      Did I like the wrong page with the wrong PL’ers? *hangs head in shame* It’s my fault, I take none of the blame.

      But, FEF, I haven’t had anyone dance on mine. Unless it happened during the night sometime. *considers* And here I thought you were into concrete!

      *laughs* How cruel! But you might be right.

      He’s a doctor! I think he’s a neurologist.

      • 169 FictionFan January 12, 2015 at 21:46

        Do you find the Professorial sandals get corrupted?

        I’m befuddled now…is Spitz Smiles, or is Smiles the Professor, or is the Professor Spitz? And who’s Fitz? Oh, wait – Fitz must be Mic!

        Perhaps…just perhaps, mind… FF pops over and dances on your concrete while you sleep….

      • 170 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:51

        I don’t think I even have sandals. What do you think of that!

        No, no. Here’s the rundown: The professor’s cousin is Smiles. And Spitz is just..a PL’er. And sometimes I’m called Fitz. Wow, that is confusing.

        *laughing* You’re to blame! Hmm…have to think about this. I should probably catch you in a cage.

      • 171 FictionFan January 13, 2015 at 14:58

        I find it difficult to believe… *suspicious glare*

        Oh, I see! That’s all so clear now, Fitz-Spitz!

        *gasps* Hmm…I’m wondering if perhaps you shouldn’t read too many more serial killer books!

      • 172 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 22:28

        It’s true. Alas. Bet you have thousands!

        Good, then. No Spitz, dadblameit!

        Oh come on! It wasn’t that bad…

      • 173 FictionFan January 14, 2015 at 00:22

        Millions! So does Tuppence. But Tommy wears cowboy boots.

        But what about when I think of Amelia? *spits*

        I suppose it depends on the size and luxury level of the cage…

      • 174 Professor VJ Duke January 14, 2015 at 12:57

        *laughs* Tommy has such class. I need to get a pair of cowboy boots.

        You should befriend her. I think she needs you.

        Umm…well…I won’t tell you what I was thinking then.

      • 175 FictionFan January 14, 2015 at 15:34

        Lucky you! Tommy always needs to get two pairs, and a matching hat – or else he’d just look silly.

        *Spitz* I could befriend her, and then take her on a day trip… to a clifftop… and then…

        ????

      • 176 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2015 at 01:24

        *laughs* But he was born ridiculous! With that pink nose…

        You might as well call me Spits, then. *sighs* But what if you start to like her?

        Umm…a nice cage!

      • 177 FictionFan January 15, 2015 at 17:20

        *shocked and outraged face* How dare you?!? I suspect that the Professor probably also had a cute little pink nose when he was born…

        Nick! NICK!!! Are you around? Could you please tweet a picture of the Professor as a baby? Just to settle an argument…

        OK, Spits. On a scale of 1 to 100, the chances of me starting to like her are about -100,000!! *spits*

        Very wise…with built-in bookshelves please…

      • 178 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2015 at 19:03

        *Laughs* Actually, there’s this baby professor picture, and I’ve got my fists clenched in it. I’m ready for a fight, see. It’s awesome. Warrior since day 1. (Nick won’t help you, madam!)

        Poor Amelia. Even Audith hates her now.

        And the hangy thing that birds sit on. Bet you could do pull-ups on there as well.

      • 179 FictionFan January 16, 2015 at 01:43

        Awwww! *giggles helplessly* That’s soooo sweet! Ooh, I’d give Nick a week’s worth of chocolate to see that. No, a month’s!!

        Don’t you start sympathising with her now! She is not ‘poor’ Amelia – but she will be if you make me toooo jealous!!! *ferocious face*

        *tries not to laugh but fails* Could it have a little mirror for me to peck at my own reflection too, please?

      • 180 Professor VJ Duke January 16, 2015 at 02:51

        It’s not sweet! We just discussed this. It was a warrior photo! It was taken in the days before digital junk. So, I’m not sure he could get it to you, thank heavens. That would be scary, for sure.

        Everyone picks on her. I think it’s because her eye makeup is so heavily applied.

        *laughing even more* Why would you want to peck at your reflection? I think that’s an interest.

      • 181 FictionFan January 16, 2015 at 17:30

        Sweet little warriorkins! Awwww! Utterly adorable! Don’t you try to get out of that way – scanner! Or photograph it!

        Well, yes, that…and the fact that she flirts outrageously with both my C-W-W and my Schwarzy!! *makes an extra large blancmange*

        *laughs* Well – that’s what birds do. I don’t know why – I’ve never asked one!!

      • 182 Professor VJ Duke January 17, 2015 at 02:12

        I lost my camera, FEF! What am I to do?

        She is a flirt. But every girl is.

        Turkeys do it more than regular birds.

      • 183 FictionFan January 17, 2015 at 17:09

        Huh! A likely story! Oh well, I shall just have to use my imagination… *closes eyes and giggles*

        You may have a point. But some of us are better at it than others, don’t you think? *winks flirtily and stamps on Amelia’s toe*

        *laughs lots* Do they? (You’re so knowledgeable about birds!) You’d think if you looked like a turkey, the last thing you’d want is a mirror…

      • 184 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2015 at 02:11

        I’ll have it by Thursday, though. Don’t giggle! It was fierce.

        I do think so, yes. Some are just likable. Like FEF!

        Well, I say that, ’cause a few years back…one was knocking on my door. The brute saw his reflection. But you’re right: they’re cuter on a platter.

      • 185 FictionFan January 18, 2015 at 16:21

        I’m sure it was, o great warriorbabe! *giggles quietly*

        Awww! Thanks! You’re just scared I’ll stomp on your toes next…

        Goodness! Are you sure it wasn’t a scout for the 1st Turkey Battalion coming to seek revenge for all those Thanksgiving dinners? *fears for the Professor*

      • 186 Professor VJ Duke January 19, 2015 at 03:51

        Oh!!! That sounds just horrible.

        Well, I must admit, that was a deciding factor.

        He had the wrong house, since the professor doesn’t eat Turkey. Much.

      • 187 FictionFan January 19, 2015 at 16:32

        OK, I wont say it again… *crosses fingers behind back and giggles*

        So you just roast them for no reason? That seems even crueller…

      • 188 Professor VJ Duke January 19, 2015 at 21:30

        *bangs head on desk*

        I don’t usually roast them at all.

      • 189 FictionFan January 20, 2015 at 02:14

        Of course you don’t! You’ll have womenfolk to do that kind of thing for you, I expect…

      • 190 Professor VJ Duke January 20, 2015 at 13:05

        Now, let’s be honest, don’t you suppose–overall–of course there maybe exceptions–women are more handy in the kitchen than men? It must be a gift.

      • 191 FictionFan January 20, 2015 at 16:38

        All the more reason men should practice more! Poor little souls – it’s our duty as women to try to help them ovecome their… little deficiencies…

      • 192 Professor VJ Duke January 20, 2015 at 21:20

        Deficiencies? What others are there?

      • 193 FictionFan January 21, 2015 at 03:05

        It wouldn’t be fair of me to tell you – it’d take up all the space on your WP account…

      • 194 Professor VJ Duke January 21, 2015 at 14:17

        You hate men! Good thing I’m a professor.

      • 195 FictionFan January 21, 2015 at 17:45

        I do not hate them! I think they’re awfully sweet in their own little way… *smiles indulgently*

        But Professors are better…

      • 196 Professor VJ Duke January 21, 2015 at 21:43

        I’m sorta a cross between a warrior and a horrid little boy. And…maybe a dragon. And rat.

      • 197 FictionFan January 22, 2015 at 00:30

        *laughs lots* That sounds about right! It must be the rat bit that makes you so fluffy…

      • 198 Professor VJ Duke January 23, 2015 at 02:27

        Rats are bald!

      • 199 FictionFan January 23, 2015 at 17:14

        Not as bald as dragons! *wonders if dragons enjoy having their tummies tickled*

      • 200 Professor VJ Duke January 26, 2015 at 18:55

        Nothing enjoys having its tummy tickled!

      • 201 FictionFan January 26, 2015 at 22:41

        Don’t you call my Tommy Nothing!

      • 202 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2015 at 01:45

        *bangs head on…bed*

      • 203 FictionFan January 28, 2015 at 10:54

        Bed? I suppose that hurts less than the desk…

      • 204 Professor VJ Duke January 28, 2015 at 14:40

        It does. But that’s where I was at the moment.

      • 205 FictionFan January 28, 2015 at 23:31

        Jet-lag! *nods sympathetically*

      • 206 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 00:09

        I’m too powerful to suffer from that.

      • 207 FictionFan January 29, 2015 at 13:02

        Ah, it must have been something truly dreadful that felled you then! Man-flu?

      • 208 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:45

        What’s a man-flu? Sounds cool, though.

      • 209 FictionFan January 30, 2015 at 15:25

        It’s what girls call a little cold…

      • 210 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:52

        Girls are so strange.

      • 211 FictionFan January 31, 2015 at 08:18

        *raises quizzical eyebrow*

      • 212 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:46

        So, if that one is quizzical…what’s the other?

      • 213 FictionFan February 2, 2015 at 14:07

        Inconsequential… *raises it inconsequentially*

      • 214 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2015 at 22:42

        That’s far too big for me to pronounce.

      • 215 FictionFan February 3, 2015 at 15:47

        *nods* I know. Americans can’t really cope with more than a couple of syllables…

      • 216 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2015 at 19:40

        You should listen to Toby Keith’s Made in America. That’s a professorish song, you know.

      • 217 FictionFan February 4, 2015 at 15:59

        Goodness! That’s so… American! Do you have WD40 then? (I must admit that’s one of America’s better inventions.) And tattoos?!? Do you have patriotic tattoos?!? *trying to decide whether to swoon or weep* Perhaps I should get a haggis tattoo…

      • 218 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2015 at 21:34

        I do have WD40! Comes in very handy. And I’ve got a craftsman wrench! And lots of weapons. And…and…a tractor! Nah, not tattoos. I don’t like them, to be honest. They mess up the skin! You’re not allowed to get one!!!

      • 219 FictionFan February 5, 2015 at 13:39

        I have WD40 too! And I think I may even have my Dad’s old wrench in a cupboard somewhere. Do you think I’m secretly American?!? You’ll need to teach me the accent. You have a tractor? That’s… cool! (It does explain the tractor book on your bookshelves.) I hate tattoos – they might look OK on beautiful plump youthful skin, but not so much 50 years later when they’re all faded on wrinkly old skin. *grimaces* Plus, needles!

      • 220 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:49

        Ha! That’s so neatio. Though, one must wonder what you do with WD40. I think you might be American! Best way to learn the accent is to pretend there isn’t one. I do! It’s cool how much destruction you can cause with one.

        Exactly right! I don’t even think they’re cool on youthful skin, though. I don’t know…I mean, I don’t mind them…it’s just not for me! Nor earrings. Too girly. Though, Michael Bolton has one. *reflects*

      • 221 FictionFan February 6, 2015 at 15:26

        In truth I don’t do much with it! I think I got it to free up a stuck bolt or screw or something on a lawnmower once – I can be quite handy when forced! I shall start doing Professor impersonations then – though I don’t actually believe it’s humanly possible to speak that fast. I bet! I’d love to drive a tractor!

        NO EARRING!! Good noodles!!! Look, just assume the Professorial personage is perfect as it is!! I shall let you know if I ever feel you require enhancements!!! OK??

      • 222 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:20

        And that’s the perfect use for it, I think. I pretty much do the same thing with it. *laughs* Now wait and hold on for a few! I speak fastly fast? You’d love it. I dig things with it.

        Oh…okay. If you’re sure! Too girly, huh? (Ooo! Off topic, I know, but I’m hearing the coyotes! *looks out window*)

      • 223 FictionFan February 7, 2015 at 17:23

        Aren’t you impressed with my handyman skills? You do! So fast that sometimes I actually hear a sonic boom as you speak! Ah! It’s part of your worm-hunting armoury, is it?

        Quite sure! Too… yucky!! (Oh, were we on a topic? I didn’t know! Very cool! I’ve never heard/seen a coyote! Sounds so… wildernessy!)

      • 224 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2015 at 00:01

        I am! I was very impressed. Though Tommy should have done it for you. Oh dear… I suppose that’s true. I was a public speaker once upon a time. It is! And searching for buried treasure. Everyone does that.

        I agree! Not tattoos and no earrings. Can I have anything? (*laughs* Very good point! It is. They’ve been passing through. Just sounds like a pack of dogs yelping. But the thing is, over here, they’ve bred with wolves, so they’re bigger and meaner. Not safe, see.)

      • 225 FictionFan February 8, 2015 at 19:16

        Tommy can’t risk stains on his lovely whiteness. *pretends he doesn’t already have blobs* At least your speeches were probably short… Did you find any?

        Not without checking with me first! (Very cool though! We don’t have even have smaller and less means ones here – or wolves! Though I think we have introduced a few wolves back into the Highlands.)

      • 226 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:38

        The blobs are so becoming, though. *laughs* They were, kinda. Umm…well, I’ve found trinkets and such. But no “big” treasure, like a guitar or something.

        *huffs a bit* (Ooo! Wolves. But be careful, FEF. Keep the peashooter close. Predators are mean. Mountain Lions scare me most, I think.)

      • 227 FictionFan February 9, 2015 at 17:26

        Tommy thanks you! No secret chocolate hordes? *disappointed face*

        I’d be terrified if I met a wolf or a mountain lion – but it’d still be kinda nice to think that I might. The worst thing I’m likely to bump into here is an angry rabbit…

      • 228 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:59

        No chocolate. Imagine the worms it would have by now.

        Really? But they might…try and eat you!

      • 229 FictionFan February 10, 2015 at 18:00

        Not if it was sealed in a wormproof container *pitying look*

        I’d just stand behind you.

      • 230 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 22:02

        No one pities the mean vile professor! Dadblameit.

        *laughs* And then I’d get eaten.

      • 231 FictionFan February 11, 2015 at 17:36

        You forgot fluffy…

        That would be sad, ’tis true. But look on the brightside! I wouldn’t!

      • 232 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2015 at 23:03

        That’s because it shouldn’t be there!

        I died a warrior. That’s not so bad.

      • 233 FictionFan February 12, 2015 at 17:06

        A heroic warrior who sacrificed himself to save a damsel in distress… *swoons entirely away*

      • 234 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2015 at 21:48

        Into the wind…

  17. 235 walt walker January 12, 2015 at 12:57

    Number 2 wins the day, I think. It makes we weep with it’s profundity.

    Concrete does always crack. But that’s what keeps the concrete business going. No concrete maker in their roght mind would ever create a truly uncraclable concrete. Which means they are all liars.

    No offense to anyone who makes concrete.

    • 236 walt walker January 12, 2015 at 14:23

      My what a mess of typos I made. Silly smart phone keyboard with its silly too small keys.

      • 237 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:12

        You typed that on a smart phone?! I’m proud of you, Mr. Walker.

      • 238 walt walker January 12, 2015 at 22:07

        *beams*

      • 239 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:52

        (I can’t excel at such tests.)

    • 240 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:06

      So! There’s such a thing as “nice” weeping. I’ve always wondered, you know.

      *shocked face* Now, this is an interest. It seems you have them figured out. I suppose we should do something about it, but I am felling very lazy.

      *laughs* Of course not!

  18. 241 PorterGirl January 12, 2015 at 12:40

    Hello there Professor and all in the PL. A start to another amazing week! I love the proverbs today – number three is my certain favourite. When I read it, I did a small laugh and a little bit of tea came out my nose.

    Why is it that concrete always cracks? A very valuable point has been raised, here. And talking of dogs – how are Rommel and Freya? I hope they are splendid.

    Both breaking news articles are most exciting. The state of beef is always and important topic. I just knew Sandra would make something of herself! DS must be so proud.

    • 242 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2015 at 20:05

      You’re drinking tea! How nice. Good to see you as always, Lucy. #3…has it ever happened to you?

      I’m not sure. Do you suppose it’s our fault? Overall, I mean. They’re great! How’s Terry?

      I think DS is. But she’ll have to keep him out of the hospital, I’m thinking.

      • 243 PorterGirl January 12, 2015 at 20:54

        I am nearly always drinking tea, Professor! I had a bit of cake with it as well. A Victoria sponge.

        The faults of concrete should not be laid at the door of men. But then, men invented concrete so maybe we are to blame. Goodness, I have confused myself.

        Good to hear they are well! Terry is in fine fettle, thank you, and he sends his best regards.

        Don’t let DS anywhere near that hospital!

      • 244 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 12:49

        Victoria sponge! I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that. But, boy, does it sound tasty.

        Yes, but I do like your line of reasoning. I think I should just build myself a castle (with a wall) and be done with it.

        Don’t let him run into Master’s Cat!

        I’ll try not to! That’ll be your job, when you get adopted.

      • 245 PorterGirl January 13, 2015 at 13:22

        It’s very nice, it has cream and jam in it! I will bake you one.

        Castles are the best. You are wise, Professor. Make sure it has a big moat.

        Goodness, no! Master’s Cat would eat him alive. Poor Terry. He pulled his cone off this morning, which was supposed to stop him nibbling his wound. He seems fine, though.

        I can do that, no problem. It will be an honour and a pleasure!

      • 246 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2015 at 22:20

        That sounds most excellent! I’d be honored to have one, for sure!!!

        Yes! With alligators and bears in the water. Wait. No bears. Just alligators.

        Until Terry grows up! Who knows? He might become a vicious warrior! I’ll deal with Master’s Cat, too.

        Perfect, then!

      • 247 PorterGirl January 14, 2015 at 08:48

        Brilliant! Mmm cake.

        *laughs* bears can swim, but they might eat the alligators. Or the other way round. Maybe keep the bears in the courtyards, just in case.

        He is an excellent mouse-catcher, I’ll give him that. He could become very ferocious in time, I think. You have a certain way with Master’s Cat. You are the only one who can get through to him without being torn to pieces!

      • 248 Professor VJ Duke January 14, 2015 at 13:01

        Yes, you’re right. Not sure what I was thinking. Just lumping powerful animals together I suppose. It would be nice to find a dinosaur.

        You know, Lucy, I must meet The Master!

      • 249 PorterGirl January 14, 2015 at 13:05

        Yes, one of the ones with the little arms and big teeth.

        I think you should, Professor. He is rather an enigma. Maybe you can win him over with your super haircut.

      • 250 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2015 at 01:12

        Yes! The T-Rex chap.

        *laughs and messes hair* I just let it be usually.

      • 251 PorterGirl January 15, 2015 at 08:54

        Thats the chap!

        The Master would approve, I have no doubt *admires hair*

      • 252 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2015 at 18:43

        He’s not as cool as the one with the spine!

        *laughs and puts on tophat* None of that, madam!


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