Daddy Salami Intervenes

“Why…if it isn’t Daddy Salami,” Mark Malone said.

“What gave me away, cur-face?” Salami returned.

“Exactly.” Mark laughed a bit. “Your face.”

Salami’s mouth fell open. “I never liked you, toad-face.”

The professor put his katana back in place. Salami would probably cause lots of problems for both Amelia and Mark Malone now.

I probably wouldn’t have to worry about anything.

But I did.

“You have to leave, Salami,” Amelia said. “The professor is ours.”

Salami laughed. “No one tells me what to do…especially butchered babes like you!”

Then–faster than greased lightning–Salami plunged a shot (of some sort) into the professor’s neck!

I was stunned. Nay, gardoobled!

My mind went quite hazy, then, I must admit.

Salami was staring at me expectantly, once the deed was done, waiting to see what would happen.

“Are you okay VJ?” It was Amelia. She seemed concerned, but she didn’t approach the professor.

Mark Malone seemed interested, but on guard.

Salami was still waiting.

I felt different, that’s for sure.

And then, this professor suddenly looked at Amelia.

“Why, don’t you look beautiful today.”

They were all stunned. I could tell. Especially Salami. His green eyes glowed.

“Heha…” He let out a small chuckle.

Amelia’s eyes widened.

“No, seriously,” I said, moving from my position and flinging my hands wide for some emphasis, “you’re as beautiful as my pants were yesterday.”

Mark Malone let out a huff of some sort…or maybe it was a chuckle? I really couldn’t tell.

Amelia started to breathe heavier: She didn’t look too happy. But…then again, when does she? Brutes never look happy.

“Yes, for sure,” I continued (I couldn’t stop myself, but then again, I didn’t want to), “as beautiful as my pants.”

“Your pants were beautiful…?” Salami stammered.

“Oh yes,” I said, spinning towards him. “They made my bottom half extraordinarily extraordinary.”

“Gah…!”

“That’s enough!” Amelia almost screamed.

A few of her soldiers charged me, and my katana was out again.

They weren’t expecting it, and they were no match.

Then, right before I jumped out the window, I turned…and winked.

You know, looking back on the whole affair, I swear it was that shot! Wouldn’t you say?

Advertisements

251 Responses to “Daddy Salami Intervenes”


  1. 1 Lisa February 15, 2015 at 17:35

    Amelia sure gets talked about quite a bit. I wonder what she has done to deserve such horrible behavior. She must be an absolutely horrible,dreadful woman to be around. It’s a good thing the professor has so many people who truly understand him.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 13:54

      Isn’t it? I’m not sure what to do with her. I think she’s trying to kill me. What should be done?

      • 3 Lisa February 16, 2015 at 14:28

        If a woman is that angry then YOU have knowingly or unknowingly done something to harm her. I would say the advice you are getting is quite skewed though, seeing as no one really knows Amelia. What has she been through to feel the need to protect herself so tightly? It would seem to me that she is extremely misunderstood. Maybe she feels like she is being pryed open.
        But what do I know?
        I just thought this would be a good place to visit. Who knew I would find such a sad woman here with everyone against her.
        I wonder what her name means. I have to get back to the north wall. It sounds like you are in capable hands. After all, these people know you so much better than Amelia. Would you like me to take her with me? I could use someone of her caliber and she would be appreciated? She just seems to be a pest around here.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 22:05

        Well, Amelia and I go rather far back, I fear. I’m thinking that she hates and likes to torture me, but I’m not sure. She always shows up with Mark Malone as well. What would you do with her?

      • 5 Lisa February 16, 2015 at 23:14

        Wait…. who was trespassing again?

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke February 17, 2015 at 20:54

        *gulp* I was wrong, wasn’t I?

      • 7 Lisa February 17, 2015 at 21:45

        With Amelia?! No way. It was the only option! :)

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke February 18, 2015 at 23:51

        That’s what I was thinking!

      • 9 Lisa February 18, 2015 at 19:36

        Amelia thought you knew you were exempt from the no trespassing sign. She was surprised to find out you included yourself.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke February 19, 2015 at 00:22

        How many secrets does she keep from me?

      • 11 Lisa February 19, 2015 at 00:38

        They aren’t secrets. They are things you haven’t learned yet. You always want to know everything. Well. That takes a long time. Especially with Amelia who is an ever evolving woman. That’s just the way it is.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 01:46

        She’s dangerous! Like a T-rex, I hear.

      • 13 Lisa February 20, 2015 at 01:49

        Oooohhhhh! Are you scared?

      • 14 Lisa February 19, 2015 at 01:19

        In fact, I’m sure if you emailed her she would answer any questions you had.

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 01:48

        You sure she won’t try and kill me?

      • 16 Lisa February 20, 2015 at 01:50

        Are you dead yet?

      • 17 Lisa February 20, 2015 at 01:56

        In fact, who took the lightning bolt last time? Remember during “the accident “

      • 18 Lisa February 17, 2015 at 01:42

        She cries alot you know. Her memories are disjointed still. She hasn’t been the same since “the accident”. It put a pretty nasty scar on her. I believe gentleness and sensitivity would work wonders for you.
        She says, “She appreciates you violating her no trespass sign and that your pants were beautiful.”

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke February 17, 2015 at 20:59

        She does? Does that mean she actually likes me?

      • 20 Lisa February 17, 2015 at 21:47

        Yes, idiot. You always need a translator. *rolls her eyes* Later, Professor. :)

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke February 18, 2015 at 23:53

        Hey! Well…women are so hard to understand, you know!

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:38

        Professor’s don’t get scared!

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:38

        But what do you suppose her game is?

  2. 24 MissTiffany February 2, 2015 at 13:28

    I didn’t realize how much I missed the Punchy Lands until I read this and laughed out loud. Wonderful way to start my Monday.

    • 25 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2015 at 22:39

      Hi Miss Tiffany!!!! So great to see you again. You do think Amelia was insulted, right?

      • 26 MissTiffany February 2, 2015 at 23:46

        Hello to you too, Professor! As always, it’s a pleasure.
        It’s difficult to say…women can be complicated, fickle creatures, I’m afraid. I should know, being one myself.

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2015 at 19:15

        That’s true. It’s all Jane Austen’s fault. She started those type of notions,see.

      • 28 MissTiffany February 4, 2015 at 13:40

        Oh now…I’m not sure we can lay all the blame at Miss Austen’s feet. I think women have always been a little nonsensical.

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2015 at 21:28

        But it’s so fun blaming her!

      • 30 MissTiffany February 5, 2015 at 13:17

        Oh I know you think so!

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:44

        She caused the burning of Chicago and the defeat at Helm’s Deep!

      • 32 MissTiffany February 6, 2015 at 03:05

        Heavy charges for one woman. And what defeat do you speak of, Sir? Helm’s Deep has never fallen!

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:03

        Oh…that’s true! You’re right. Well…oh dear. Well, I meant the Hornberg!

      • 34 MissTiffany February 8, 2015 at 12:23

        Ah, I suppose I’ll get you that…but remember they saved the Hornburg in the end.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:26

        And that’s because the warriors never read JA. Imagine if they did. They would have tried to dance the cotillion with the orcs. Ugh!

  3. 36 erinkenobi2893 January 30, 2015 at 18:07

    That was odd. D.S. really should not mess around with unknown chemicals belonging to his daughter. X-P

    • 37 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:55

      Quite true. I need the captain about this time.

      • 38 erinkenobi2893 January 31, 2015 at 13:19

        I’m no chemist or pharmacist. I’m really more of a puzzle solver… but even I know that it’s unwise to play with untested chemicals.

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:50

        That’s so true. Too bad…you should learn some chemistry for the professor’s sake.

      • 40 erinkenobi2893 February 1, 2015 at 19:52

        I’m okay with it, but the math gets annoying. Also, I get my sines mixed up with the cosines.

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2015 at 22:25

        *laughs* Oh, cosines aren’t so bad. I loved them, really.

      • 42 erinkenobi2893 February 3, 2015 at 12:19

        I mix them up when I don’t remember which is which.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2015 at 19:28

        And you shouldn’t!

      • 44 erinkenobi2893 February 3, 2015 at 23:37

        Why not?

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2015 at 21:22

        ‘Cause you’ll get a few incorrect answers!

      • 46 erinkenobi2893 February 5, 2015 at 16:38

        I can sort through them, I think.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:57

        All Sith can.

      • 48 erinkenobi2893 February 6, 2015 at 00:59

        Are you sure? I thought the qualifications were intelligence, and some Sith are dull.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 01:02

        Are not! Who?!

      • 50 erinkenobi2893 February 6, 2015 at 01:03

        Some Sith who made assumptions.

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:01

        Well we all do that.

      • 52 erinkenobi2893 February 8, 2015 at 19:56

        Yes, but some do it more than others. And those who do it without basis are the most idiotic of all.

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:40

        I think you do have a point.

      • 54 erinkenobi2893 February 9, 2015 at 02:37

        Of course I do. I’m not entirely blunt, you know.

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:32

        Most Jedi are.

      • 56 erinkenobi2893 February 10, 2015 at 12:46

        They’re not supposed to be.

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 21:46

        Oh yes they are!

      • 58 erinkenobi2893 February 10, 2015 at 23:08

        No, actually they’re not.

      • 59 erinkenobi2893 February 6, 2015 at 01:07

        Some Sith who later were killed because they were stupid. Which is a lot of them, frankly. They didn’t realize that their system would make their apprentices turn on them? Idiots.

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:01

        Maul didn’t turn!

      • 61 erinkenobi2893 February 8, 2015 at 19:56

        Yes he did! He was evil!

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:40

        That’s racial profiling!

      • 63 erinkenobi2893 February 9, 2015 at 02:38

        …but I thought Sith were from all races and walks of life? And there are other Zabracks out there who are nice.

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:32

        What’s a Zabrack?

      • 65 erinkenobi2893 February 10, 2015 at 12:47

        A guy with horns sprouting from their skull… There are nice ones out there. Sugi the bounty hunter, for one. She’s awesome. And then there are several Zabracks who are Jedi.

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 21:47

        Oh, they sound like demons of sorts.

      • 67 erinkenobi2893 February 10, 2015 at 23:09

        Not really.

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2015 at 21:45

        So says one!

      • 69 erinkenobi2893 February 12, 2015 at 03:01

        He’s wrong, then.

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2015 at 21:21

        *holds ears*

      • 71 erinkenobi2893 February 13, 2015 at 14:36

        He is!

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke February 13, 2015 at 19:29

        Oh, dadblameit: you’re right.

      • 73 erinkenobi2893 February 13, 2015 at 19:44

        Yes, I am. :-P
        *chases Loki with a newspaper* Come here, you…

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke February 14, 2015 at 18:10

        Loki is so cool.

      • 75 erinkenobi2893 February 16, 2015 at 01:51

        Yeah, and I’m going to whack him with a newspaper! *sticks Silly Putty to Loki’s helmet* *tapes a shopping list to his back* >:-D Hee hee.

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 13:56

        Knock him off the side of Stark’s building, too.

      • 77 erinkenobi2893 February 16, 2015 at 14:35

        Oooh! Goodie! *whacks him out of a window with the newspaper*

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 22:07

        *throws his weird-looking hat after him*

      • 79 erinkenobi2893 February 17, 2015 at 03:48

        *it clonks him on the head* X-D This is the best time ever.

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke February 17, 2015 at 21:04

        I agree! Do we have anything else to throw? A pie perhaps?

      • 81 erinkenobi2893 February 17, 2015 at 23:50

        Yes! I do! *throws pie* *then reaches down with a mop tied to a window pole* >:-D

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke February 18, 2015 at 23:59

        *laughing* Poor bloke. How about some ice now?

      • 83 erinkenobi2893 February 19, 2015 at 02:30

        Maybe. I don’t feel well… *sigh*

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 01:50

        Oh no. What happened?

      • 85 erinkenobi2893 February 20, 2015 at 13:22

        Headache, sore muscles… you know. :-S

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:09

        *nods* That’s just horrid.

      • 87 erinkenobi2893 February 22, 2015 at 17:12

        It is.

      • 88 erinkenobi2893 February 16, 2015 at 14:35

        *mops the floor with him* >:-D

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 22:08

        *laughs* This is good for him.

      • 90 erinkenobi2893 February 17, 2015 at 03:48

        It is indeed. ^_^

  4. 91 Louis from VA January 29, 2015 at 22:59

    Oh my, Professor, the plot just keeps thickening! This may be the craziest PL story ever. You’ve given me a huge grin. :D What in the world is DS up to? Did you recover from the medication?

    • 92 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:16

      Ah, thanks!!! I did recover from the medication, I think. I’m going to see Dr. Purdue over the weekend. I think I should. I don’t know! DS is so slippery. Maybe it’s his daughters invention?

  5. 93 Simply Skeptical January 29, 2015 at 21:13

    WELL! As stunned as you are Professor I’m doublier, no triplier, no…Oh, dadblame – I’m beyond stunned. Beautiful!?! Amelia? What was in that Salami shot to the neck anyway? Sure hope you’re cured soon or are you just blinded by the vision of your lower half. (hysterically laughing)…

    • 94 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 22:06

      *laughs* I was out of my mind. Don’t you think I insulted Amelia?

      • 95 Simply Skeptical January 31, 2015 at 14:41

        Probably not since she is permanently out of her mind and driven mad for you. (giggles)

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:50

        I think she wants me dead, the fact matter.

  6. 97 Angeline M January 29, 2015 at 17:27

    Oh me oh my oh my. You were given some love potion #9. Heha. Or should that be yeehaaaa. You go prof!

    • 98 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 22:04

      Hey! Dadblameit! Couldn’t it have been an insult?

  7. 99 Debbie January 29, 2015 at 15:55

    What?? When did y’all move inside for you to jump out of a window? I thought Amelia and Malone approached you before you got to the city. That would have been outside, right? (Or am I just befuddled by all the flirting going on here?!)

    I suspect Salami gave you a truth serum of some sort, but perhaps it proved to have the opposite effect? You didn’t really compare even Amelia to a pair of pants, did you? I mean, even the skinniest of jeans or the coolest of wool/linen blend dress slacks usually can’t match the beauty of a truly beautiful person, right?

    While I’m glad you’ve escaped, I can’t help worrying over that shot. What kind of side effects might something like that have? I think you should pay Mr. Magi or somebody a visit to have yourself checked over.

    • 100 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 22:04

      I thought we were in a hat store! Rats. It could be my fault. My brain forgets things, you know.

      That’s right! So…it was an insult, then, right? I think I meant it to be. Hey! The professor is not in love with Amelia, dadblameit!

      You probably right. What’s if there is purple bacteria in it?

      • 101 Debbie January 31, 2015 at 01:29

        I just checked. Drat, you’re right. How’d I miss that hat store?? Guess I’m feeling discombobulated right now — too much on my plate (and I’m NOT talking about food!!).

        Purple bacteria? Gee, I never heard of that. Is it serious??

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:40

        You’ll be fine! Take a deep breath, then conquer! You’ll have such fun, you know.

        I’m not sure. Sounds like it, huh?

  8. 103 desertdweller29 January 29, 2015 at 15:50

    Dare I say, you must work on your pick up lines, Professor. You’re a bit rusty. I demand to see these extraordinary pants at once!

    • 104 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 22:02

      Do you think the pants were cargo pants? It was an insult, dadblameit!

  9. 105 InfiniteZip January 29, 2015 at 15:44

    they must have been purple pants….a catana and purple pants. magnificence i would think….and warrior like…were they spandex?

    • 106 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:56

      Purple?! Could they be red, Zippy, or black?

      • 107 InfiniteZip January 30, 2015 at 11:49

        I know you love red but I think for a warrior, if not purple then black will suffice.

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:48

        Let’s get rid of purple!

      • 109 InfiniteZip February 7, 2015 at 18:26

        Never ever…

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2015 at 00:05

        That’s a long time.

      • 111 InfiniteZip February 10, 2015 at 16:43

        do you think so? I thought in the cosmos time was relative…

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 21:57

        That’s a good point. Time gardoobles my mind.

  10. 113 L. Marie January 29, 2015 at 14:52

    Wow. Just in time for Valentine’s Day. Guess we know who’s going to be your Valentine. Or is the shot influencing you? Does the shot bring out your innermost desires?
    Wondering what these pants look like. Sansabelt jeans? Hammer pants? (Hammer time! Do do do do)

    • 114 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:56

      See, I would think most girls would be insulted if they were compared to pants, but I must be wrong. Didn’t Amelia seemed insulted?

      Now what is a hammer pant?

      • 115 L. Marie January 30, 2015 at 15:47

        Here’s a link to an image for Hammer Pants: http://www.amazon.com/Hammer-Black-Parachute-Pants-Only/dp/B004MBNGA4

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:54

        Ew! Those look dreadful.

  11. 117 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 29, 2015 at 14:51

    DS gave you silly serum, I believe. Nobody wears beautiful pants, Duke. I don’t t think you’ll win Amelia over by comparing her beauty to your traveling pants. I like that you jump out of windows and know how to wink.

    • 118 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:54

      But didn’t I do it to insult her? You must tell me, Audith. Since my mind was somewhat muddled. Not that it usually isn’t. But this was different.

      • 119 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 30, 2015 at 06:23

        I think Amelia probably wants to hear that she’s beautiful, so she couldn’t have been insulted by it, Duketh. You, yes, could have meant it as an insult. Of course. And everyone knows that a heartless warrior insults all innocent bystanders who adore them.

      • 120 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:26

        Oh dear. I ruined myself, didn’t I?

      • 121 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister January 31, 2015 at 02:49

        Oh, you’ll fix this mess you’re in, Duketh.

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:40

        Someone will have to die, I suppose.

      • 123 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 1, 2015 at 20:43

        Die! Who? Why do I have the feeling I just asked you to kill someone?

      • 124 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2015 at 22:25

        *laughing lots* Didn’t you?

      • 125 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 3, 2015 at 03:59

        *giggles* ….but, who will you kill?

      • 126 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2015 at 19:21

        You decide!

      • 127 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 3, 2015 at 22:20

        Me! I suppose you did fight in a coffee shop. *smiles* I won’t decide. I shan’t. Tis your job, Sir. I don’t want anyone dead, you know. *twists her ponytail* Simply, reassigned. *considers a job with the mob*

      • 128 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2015 at 21:16

        Oh dear. Now it’s very hard. Maybe a moose? Wait…I fought in a coffee shop?

      • 129 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 5, 2015 at 04:10

        I don’t think killing a moose solves much, you know. Unless you’re hungry.
        Isn’t that where this takes place? Maybe not…what do I know.

      • 130 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:33

        Well, I’m not hungry (stuffed as of now)…oh rats.

      • 131 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 6, 2015 at 21:02

        I guess we wait then…

      • 132 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:24

        I’m hungry!

      • 133 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 7, 2015 at 15:50

        Start a fire, Sir.

      • 134 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 23:46

        Sings: “Set your heart on fire…”

      • 135 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 8, 2015 at 02:13

        *wonders who wrote that* Sing it louder, please.

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:20

        I think it’s Rend Collective?

      • 137 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 9, 2015 at 03:59

        Oh! You mean burn like a star? Or Build your kingdom here…? Either one being fabulous, which reminds me…you have to teach me how to play the frying pan on the stick, Duketh. I soooo wanna play that thingy and bounce around like that while I do…I love that video. (How annoyed are you by my over usage of the word ‘that’? Giggle.) However, I was sorta hoping you were referring to Passenger- Heart’s on Fire….because it is fantastic!

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:38

        Build your Kingdom here! That’s it. You know…not at all…I was actually trying to figure out what you meant by the stick thingy. Not sure I got it, still, actually. *embarrassed* I know Passenger, but not that song.

      • 139 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 10, 2015 at 04:37

        Here’s the video…see that thingy he’s jumping around and beating on?
        Rend Collective – Build Your Kingdom Here OFFICIAL: http://youtu.be/sbdJXKqVgtg

        Oh, too bad….tis a good song. *frowns*

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 21:40

        *laughs* They are so weird. You know, I don’t think there’s much to learn.

      • 141 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 11, 2015 at 02:34

        *laughs* You’re such a snob! So I’d be a natural then…cool.

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2015 at 21:46

        *hangs head* I can be snobbish at times, but I try not to be, really!

      • 143 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 11, 2015 at 22:28

        I think you have a right to be a little snobby with your opinion. I thought he looked like he was having fun! Banging around like he’d had too much moonshine.

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2015 at 23:16

        Yeah…but keep in mind (I bet he was drunk!) the audio isn’t real.

      • 145 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 12, 2015 at 03:59

        See…something only you would catch. Not I. Doesn’t sound like a pot being banged at all now. *frowns*

      • 146 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2015 at 21:23

        *laughs* No! That’s how all movie videos are done.

      • 147 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 13, 2015 at 04:27

        Oh, see I didn’t know, Duke. You just taught me something new.

      • 148 Professor VJ Duke February 13, 2015 at 19:22

        Notice no mics…

      • 149 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 13, 2015 at 23:01

        Ahhh! Of course…so is that worse than what you prefer…less artistic less real? I sorta think so.

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke February 14, 2015 at 18:12

        Well, Audith, see there’s really no other way to do music videos. Same with movies you watch. About 80% of the audio is put back in.

      • 151 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 14, 2015 at 22:06

        Right, I understand that, so I misunderstood your annoyance, I think.

      • 152 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 13:41

        I wasn’t annoyed, truly.

  12. 153 walt walker January 29, 2015 at 14:27

    Well, methinks thou shouldst get thee to a doctor, P.VJ. You don’t know where that shot’s been.

    • 154 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:52

      Do you suppose there is any purple bacteria? I’m allergic to it.

  13. 155 PorterGirl January 29, 2015 at 14:19

    Oh, the drama is simply too much! Amelia must have been secretly delighted – I bet no one has paid her such a compliment before. ‘As beautiful as my pants were yesterday…’ a truly beautiful and poetic notion of love. And then, you were swashbucklingly-dashing in your violent escape. This is the greatest story ever told, to be sure. And FF have already decided to come to the wedding and cause trouble.

    • 156 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:51

      What wedding? *severe professorish eye* What wedding, dadblameit?! Now, wasn’t that an insult? I mean, would you like to be compared to pants?

      • 157 PorterGirl January 30, 2015 at 06:22

        If the pants were beautiful I might. We are teasing you mercilessly Professor – please do put away that severe professorish eye, it is frightening me somewhat. You are quite something when you are all warrior-like, you know

      • 158 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:26

        *smiles proudly and does the eye again* Is it scary? Aha! I’ll have to remember that. You’re laughing the professor to scorn! *tries not to laugh*

      • 159 PorterGirl January 31, 2015 at 08:32

        *fears the eye* good natured banter, Professor. But I will behave now… because of the eye!

      • 160 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:48

        And don’t you think about poking it out!

      • 161 PorterGirl February 1, 2015 at 21:22

        Such a thought would never cross my mind, I assure you!

      • 162 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2015 at 22:35

        *laughing lots* *fist pump*

  14. 163 Julie Harris January 29, 2015 at 14:11

    A tale of true love, indeed!

    • 164 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:50

      *warrior face* Twas not! Wasn’t that an insult?

  15. 165 The Lite Rider January 29, 2015 at 14:03

    You do secretly like (adore?) Amelia, don’t you Professor? The “shot” merely brought out the truth, ha ha.

    • 166 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:50

      Hey! No, no! *holds ears* You don’t believe that, do you, LR? It was an insult, I thought.

      • 167 The Lite Rider January 30, 2015 at 21:34

        laughing lots…….Yes, it was an insult.

      • 168 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:55

        I do hope so!

  16. 169 Susan P January 29, 2015 at 13:51

    Way to go, Professor – or someone – such tangles we weave when at first we begin to deceive. Hope you can stay far away from that young lady.

    • 170 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:49

      Wait a second…what is the professor deceiving?

      • 171 Susan P September 9, 2016 at 16:07

        That is my secret to keep.

  17. 172 FictionFan January 29, 2015 at 13:42

    *screams and stamps* You!! You beast!! You beastly beast!!! I knew you were in love with her! Trying to blame the shot indeed – hah! Well, the truth is out now – the Professor is a soppy romantic, soppier even than Hector – and he wore a skirt! I shall expect an invitation to your engagement party – though I can’t promise to behave…

    PS Could we please have a photo of the Professor in his extraordinarily beautiful pants? I think we should be allowed to judge them for ourselves…

    • 173 PorterGirl January 29, 2015 at 14:17

      Here, here! I am with you, FF. He has fooled us all with this ‘heartless beast’ routine and now his true colours are showing! We should go to the wedding together and cause mischief.

      • 174 FictionFan January 29, 2015 at 14:29

        Huh! I believe he was over flirting with you this morning too, madam! He’s a fickle philanderer, that’s what he is!! You’d think a man as old as him would know better…

      • 175 PorterGirl January 29, 2015 at 14:42

        Me in the morning, Amelia in the afternoon. .. he is becoming a proper Casanova!

      • 176 FictionFan January 29, 2015 at 15:25

        Pah! Tchah! I’m so glad I never flirted with him! *tosses hair and writes a love-poem for Schwarzy*

      • 177 PorterGirl January 29, 2015 at 16:08

        Haha! Is Daddy Salami single? Perhaps he will be more apappreciative of my advances

      • 178 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 22:04

        *thinks about rampaging* I wasn’t flirting earlier! Was I, Lucy?

      • 179 PorterGirl January 30, 2015 at 06:24

        I have never known you so cross! i beg fforgive us for teasing you. You are a perfect gentleman at all times. And brilliant when you are angry – like The Dean!

      • 180 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:27

        I’m likely to rampage the sudden! In which direction should I go?

      • 181 PorterGirl January 31, 2015 at 08:33

        Rampage in the direction of… dark forces! I will follow you to help and admire the rampaging

      • 182 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:48

        I’m much better at it than Hector was, you know.

      • 183 PorterGirl February 1, 2015 at 21:22

        Without doubt. Far better, and with more beautiful pants!

      • 184 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2015 at 22:36

        *laughs* You mean trousers.

      • 185 PorterGirl February 3, 2015 at 07:06

        I do. Just showing off my multi – lingual skills! Pants are another thing over here

      • 186 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2015 at 19:25

        *laughs* Your multi-lingual skills are amazing, I must say!

      • 187 PorterGirl February 3, 2015 at 19:31

        What can I say? It’s a gift. I can do Irish, too.

      • 188 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2015 at 19:47

        I’ve always tried that one! (Is there a big difference between Iris hand Scottish? Don’t tell FEF!)

      • 189 PorterGirl February 3, 2015 at 20:45

        There is quite a big difference, but I usually drift between the two when I try to do either one. Irish is a bit like singing a song, Scottish is a bit like starting a fight.

      • 190 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2015 at 21:11

        *nods* I see. I find it so interesting, you know.

      • 191 PorterGirl February 5, 2015 at 06:19

        It is a wonder. But accents are hard!

      • 192 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:40

        They sure are! American ones aren’t…for me.

      • 193 PorterGirl February 6, 2015 at 06:11

        I can do Southern American quite convincingly but my New York accent always comes out sounding Indian *shakes head*

      • 194 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:10

        Indian is hard, though!

      • 195 PorterGirl February 7, 2015 at 14:30

        I just do it by accident. Pah

      • 196 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 23:45

        Pah is a good word.

      • 197 PorterGirl February 8, 2015 at 07:53

        Isn’t it? I use it a lot. It conveys a lot of emotion without being rude

      • 198 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:26

        You know, I really have to start using that. I’ve already begun to use “bugger.”

      • 199 PorterGirl February 9, 2015 at 08:46

        Ooooh good bugger is such an excellent word. Say it loud and proud! Pah is most versatile. Have a little practice then bellow it from the roof tops!

      • 200 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:44

        I shall! *laughs*

      • 201 FictionFan January 30, 2015 at 14:52

        My understanding is that DS left his wife and ran off with Manly-Man – an odd choice but then he’s an odd creature. It was when I learned about his unsavoury wife desertion practices that I dumped him in favour of my Schwarzy…

      • 202 PorterGirl January 30, 2015 at 15:30

        Didn’t MM tie up his wife and daughter and throw them in a bath or something? Must have been so he could run off with DS. Looks like a lot of Punchy men are rather unreliable spouses! You stick with Schwarz he seems like a decent chap

      • 203 FictionFan January 30, 2015 at 16:00

        I expect it’ll turn out Schwarzy is a serial killer…or married to Amelia!

      • 204 PorterGirl January 30, 2015 at 16:08

        Noooo! Amelia needs to be finished off and quickly. Pah. At this rate I will end becoming one of Mr Ratherquite’s Ladies – the romantic equivalent of joining the foreign legion!

      • 205 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:54

        *Laughs*

      • 206 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:56

        Can I see the poem?

      • 207 FictionFan January 30, 2015 at 15:42

        No! Amelia would be furious!

      • 208 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:54

        Bet she wouldn’t care!

      • 209 FictionFan January 31, 2015 at 08:22

        That’s only because she hasn’t realised how fickle you are yet. You’ll need to send her a Valentine this year… are you good at writing love poetry?

      • 210 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:47

        You know, I’m not sure what a valentine is, you know. FEF, I’d say your jealous, which means…

      • 211 FictionFan February 2, 2015 at 14:14

        Oh, I’m not falling for that – you received a Valentine last year, sir! My turn this year *confidently awaits Professorial love poetry…not to mention Schwarzorial l.p.*

        Me? Jealous?? Of that creature??? *tries not to look jealous* Which means…???

      • 212 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2015 at 22:45

        I remember! But I can’t write poetry…let alone love poetry! *gags* I’d try if you picked up a worm.

        Which means…well you know!

      • 213 FictionFan February 3, 2015 at 15:54

        OK, deal! But you write the poetry first…

        Which means… the Professor should be very careful! Hell hath no fury like a FF scorned, you know, you know… *glowers*

      • 214 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2015 at 19:42

        Oh no! You’re not serious, are you? *very worried*

        *laughs* Well, it means something you’d probably like. Maybe. I don’t know. *runs*

      • 215 FictionFan February 4, 2015 at 16:10

        *cackles* It would almost – almost – be worth picking up a worm for! I bet you could write glorious love poetry if you chose! Amelia might not let you off the hook as easily as me, you know…

        I am intrigued beyond words – you must tell!! Must!!! Or I shall have to throw a tantrum… *warning look*

      • 216 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2015 at 21:36

        Oh goodness. You had no intention of picking up a worm! If we did it, you’d have to take a picture of your hand…with three worms in it. I think that’d be fair.

        *laughs* I like when you’re intrigued, you know, you know.

      • 217 FictionFan February 5, 2015 at 13:57

        Three worms?!? This would have to be a poem of Burns standard! You’ll have to be able to think of a word to rhyme with gorgeous… *simpers modestly*

        Bah! *stamps off, huffily*

      • 218 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:53

        Oh, I can do that! Tis easy. Gorgeous rhymes with Bourgeois. Got ya!

        Oh, okay. You’re jealous=you must like the professor.

      • 219 FictionFan February 6, 2015 at 15:41

        See? The poem’s half-written now! The rest should be easy! *waits expectantly*

        Oh! *blushes* Well! Perhaps! Maybe! But that’s all I’m prepared to say… *kicks dirt shyly* And it’s not my fault! I can’t help it if he wears irresistibly beautiful pants – so unfair!!

      • 220 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:23

        How could it possibly be half written? Must be short, I fear. In fact, let’s just stop right there. *admires the two word poem*

        *laughs* Not he pants…that is going to haunt me forever…

      • 221 FictionFan February 7, 2015 at 17:28

        *admires it too* I admit, it’s pretty good as it stands, but I feel it could be expanded. Just find rhymes for FEF, PEP, adorable and flamenco…

        Yep!!! *chuckles*

      • 222 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2015 at 00:04

        FEF rhymes with…what does FEF rhyme with?

        Ducks!

      • 223 FictionFan February 8, 2015 at 19:21

        Oy! *wonders what rhymes with Chicky-Woot-Woot*

      • 224 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:40

        FEF and Oy…nah, that doesn’t work.

      • 225 FictionFan February 9, 2015 at 17:33

        Chicky-Woot-Woot and big galoot… *giggles and runs off*

      • 226 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 23:01

        I was laughing till I looked up galoot…

      • 227 FictionFan February 10, 2015 at 18:04

        *runs faster*

      • 228 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 22:04

        *gets a water balloon*

      • 229 FictionFan February 11, 2015 at 17:39

        *gets a knitting needle*

      • 230 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2015 at 23:05

        How big are those?

      • 231 FictionFan February 12, 2015 at 17:08

        24 feet long…

      • 232 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2015 at 21:48

        *gulps and runs*

    • 233 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member January 29, 2015 at 14:18

      I’m sure VJ has been acting weird ever since that shot. And I’m also sure no woman would see it as a sign of love to be compared to a man’s pants…

      Just my take on the matter.

      • 234 FictionFan January 29, 2015 at 14:26

        Well…I think that very much depends on the pants! And perhaps on the girl – I don’t expect Amelia can afford to turn down any compliments! *sneers bitterly*

        But you’re so sweet (and maybe adorable!) to defend the Professor! Don’t you feel he was acting weird before the shot too, though?

      • 235 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member January 29, 2015 at 18:57

        I’ll remember that girls like to be called pants, and avoid it… I don’t think A was happy, but whatever…

        Me sweet? Adorable? NEVER. And yes, he always acts weird, but not normally so insulting…

      • 236 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 22:04

        Thanks, Nick!

      • 237 FictionFan January 30, 2015 at 15:35

        Oh I bet you are! Are you sure? I used to think that but he’s changed. He called me a potato, you know… I think it’s ‘cos he spends too much time with Manly-Man…

    • 238 Professor VJ Duke January 29, 2015 at 21:49

      *mouth dropping open more and more as he reads FEF’s comment* Soppier than Hector? Soppy Romantic?! They’re battle words!!! It was obviously DS’s fault. And didn’t Amelia seem a bit insulted by the whole thing? I’d say so! Engagement party… *thinks about sticking his head in the snow*

      *laughs* I wasn’t thinking right. And here I thought I was insulting her…

      • 239 FictionFan January 30, 2015 at 15:40

        *thinks about sticking his head in the snow too* Oh, you’re too soppy to do battle! Amelia wouldn’t like it, I’m sure. DS just gave you the excuse you’ve been looking for for ages – we all know you’ve been taken in by that creature’s charms… which is surprising since she doesn’t have any! Perhaps you used a microscope…

        But I’m glad you think she’s beautiful… that’s so sweet of you. I hope she doesn’t realise how fickle you are though, poor girl.

      • 240 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2015 at 21:54

        I’m wondering if I should take revenge on DS for this. It is a possibility, you know. I should blowup his house!

        Humph noodles. What’s her last name, do you suppose?

      • 241 FictionFan January 31, 2015 at 08:20

        Well, it’s only a suggestion, mind… and I realise your feelings for her might make it impossible… but I’d be happier if you blow up Amelia.

        I fear it may soon be Duke… *bravely refuses to sob*

      • 242 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2015 at 19:47

        Oh, you know I’m not going to marry her! I think she wants me dead as of now. Girls are strange. Maybe that’s her way…bash! *chooses not to think of these things* Ah, that’s better.

        She better not steal my name!

      • 243 FictionFan February 2, 2015 at 14:09

        You’re not?? *dances Brady happy dance* You should kill her first then! *nods encouragingly* Your poor desk…

        Agreed! *scowls fiercely*

      • 244 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2015 at 22:43

        Of course not! *laughs* Brady did have a good one, I admit. And your favorite (Gronk) was there. But then I’d be a murderer! My desk is fine, thank you very much!

        You should send Tommy to her.

      • 245 FictionFan February 3, 2015 at 15:51

        Nah, Vince is my favourite! I love the way he just shoves the opposition – it’s such a sophisticated sport! And he looks like such an athlete. I don’t think killing Amelia counts as murder – more a public service.

        What?!? No way! He’d be just like the Professor – all she’d have to do is tickle his tummy and he’d be purring with pleasure!! *gags*

      • 246 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2015 at 19:41

        *laughs* Hey! Don’t you beat up on him. He’s got a cool name, too. What color hair do you suppose Amelia has?

        No one tickles the professor’s…stomach!

      • 247 FictionFan February 4, 2015 at 16:04

        Yes, Willfork is very cool! *chuckles*

        I think she’s bald! All the hair that should be on her head has slipped to her chin…

        *laughs and laughs* Poor C-W-W! That’s so sad! Some day…

      • 248 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2015 at 21:35

        *disbelieving eyebrow*

        Ew! *hides* Poor thing.

        Never any day neither!!!

      • 249 FictionFan February 5, 2015 at 13:40

        Oh, stop feeling sorry for her! She deserves it!

        *laughs so much* Poor C-W-W!

      • 250 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:50

        Okay! I’ll try…

        Poor nothing knowhow!

      • 251 FictionFan February 6, 2015 at 15:26

        *chuckles*


Say something...anything...O Punchy Family!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email!

Join 1,874 other followers

Follow The Punchy Lands! on WordPress.com

Blog Stats

  • 115,055 hits

Join the Professor on Twitter!

Professorish Smiley:

==[:-{)=

or

==[:-{)+

Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


%d bloggers like this: