Ripping Book Review–Ender’s Game

WARNING: Ripping Book Reviews are solely the judgments of Professor VJ Duke on an unlucky book that has caused him much repulsion—in one way or another. Therefore, blame must be put on the professor and nobody else. With that in mind, read on—if you are brave enough to take it.


Here is a book.

A book badly in need of a ripping.

But, see, that’s the thing: every book needs a ripping.

Even professorish favorites.

Yes, they need a ripping too.

So, here is a ripping.

Ender’s Game is about…abuse.

Yes, I fear that’s right. It’s about child abuse.

You see, it’s about lying to poor Ender Wiggin–the main character.

But even I might lie to a kid who is as scary, smart, and mean as Ender Wiggin. (I might lie to him, too, just because of the name–but that’s a different story for a different time.)

As I was saying, Ender is rather mean.

This is how he beats up a bully:

…Ender kicked out high and hard, catching Stilson square in the breastbone. He dropped. …Stilson (the bully) lay motionless. …Ender knew the unspoken rules of manly warfare, even though he was only six. It was forbidden to strike an opponent who lay helpless…So Ender walked to Stilson’s supine body and kicked him again, viciously, in the ribs. Ender walked around him and kicked him again…

Rather wicked for a six-year-old, you must admit.

Okay, so storyline:

This books is about an alien invasion. Or something like that.

Only the aliens aren’t called aliens; they’re called buggers.

Because they look like ants, I think.

Now all of mankind was attacked by the aliens at some point in the book’s distant past.

But the aliens were defeated. Then they went away.

However, that doesn’t ease the minds of the nervous commanders at the Battle School.

The aliens will return; they’re sure of it.

So, they recruit six-year-olds (after torturing them for some time with some strange gadget attached to their necks that we really never learn about) to come to Battle School.

Which is in space somewhere, but we’re not sure where.

Now, that’s an interest.

Anyway, Ender is recruited.

And he gets abused by the commanders, fellow recruities, and himself. Interestingly enough, though, Ender becomes the best at winning skirmishes at the Battle School.

So, he gets promoted and gets to train with Mazer Rackham, who supposedly beat the aliens once upon a time.

Day after day, Ender goes and controls (from a computer, I think) a representation of earth’s fleet as they battle aliens. Mazer controls the aliens.

It turns out, though, that this is no representation. Ender was, in fact, really commanding earth’s fleet. He learns this after he crushes the aliens completely.

He was impossibly lied to.

Of course, he feels bad about the whole thing. Really bad.

I would, too, if I just killed all the aliens that were threatening earth, wouldn’t you? I hope so. Otherwise, you must not be thinking right.

We should all feel bad when ant-like aliens die.

Anyway, after all that, Ender goes to live on the old alien planet. While there, he finds an alien larvae with a message from the aliens (probably put together before they died). Loosly translated this is what it says:

“Ender, my man, we didn’t know mankind was sentient when we were attacking you. Our mistake. That’s why we left. But tell you what, since we can’t communicate with you guys at all, once you destroy us, would you please help hatch this larvae so we can live again? It would be appreciated. Plus, we’ll be peaceful this time.”

Ender agrees and the book ends with him finding a suitable place for the larvae.

I say, no ant-like alien deserves to live if it was beaten by a kid with anger mangement problems under the age of 12.

But what do I know.

I’m a human not an alien.


165 Responses to “Ripping Book Review–Ender’s Game”

  1. 1 Hazy February 15, 2015 at 07:12

    Hmm. The story sounds a bit… odd? (I was gonna say lame, but that’s just me, and that’d probably be too wicked, maybe). Ant-like aliens… Were they humongous ants? or people-sized ants? I think ant-like is better than cockroach-like (yuckers!)

    Thank you, professor, for reading it so that we would be forewarned not to (or to, depending on one’s taste I suppose). Maybe the movie would have been better?

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 13:51

      Yuckers indeed! *laughs* I think they were around a human’s size. We never get to see them. Alas. It was lame!

      I’m hoping. I’d like to see it…

      • 3 Hazy March 7, 2015 at 07:03

        You should probably try and see it! If you’ve read the book and seen the film… set completed. *laughs* I just hope the film is more entertaining.

  2. 4 Tiefsa February 9, 2015 at 04:05

    I read this book, and then got sucked into some of the sister novels. Either way, I wish I read this review first, and had a different perspective going in. They sure are mean to the kids.

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:42

      *laughing* Great to see you! So, then, you don’t recommend the sequels?

      • 6 Tiefsa February 9, 2015 at 22:55

        NO! They all seem to be about how this smart kid outsmarted this other smart kid.

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 23:04

        Oh dear. A bit of the second one was in the back of my copy. It was about Bean. I’m sick of smart kids!

      • 8 Tiefsa February 10, 2015 at 00:53

        Bean is smarter than Ender. That’s all the book is about, how Bean is Ender’s back up, and then how Bean outsmarts some really smart evil kid. Great summary. I’m an ELA teacher for a reason.

      • 9 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 21:37

        That is a great summary! But I’m quite shocked that he outsmarted Ender… *ponders*

  3. 10 erinkenobi2893 February 8, 2015 at 21:05

    It sounds like a very sad story! (And the poor kid–they used him so viciously!)

    • 11 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:41

      They did! But he was a decorated general in the end, which, you must admit, is rather cool.

      • 12 erinkenobi2893 February 9, 2015 at 02:38

        *cries* Still. Poor kid!

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:32

        But…he has an army!

      • 14 erinkenobi2893 February 10, 2015 at 12:47

        It’s still sad!!!

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 21:47

        But…but…he can retire at 12!

      • 16 erinkenobi2893 February 10, 2015 at 23:10

        STILL SAD. :-(

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2015 at 21:45

        Obi wouldn’t think so.

      • 18 erinkenobi2893 February 12, 2015 at 03:01

        YES HE WOULD!!!

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2015 at 21:22

        Nah! Remember when he went through the Jedi Temple killing kids?! He definitely wouldn’t!

      • 20 erinkenobi2893 February 13, 2015 at 14:37

        Professor, that was Darth Vader. NOT Obi-Wan. And Obi-Wan would care, and he would think it was tragic, because Obi-Wan considers the moral repercussions of things.

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke February 13, 2015 at 19:29

        That’s not what Sid told us…

      • 22 erinkenobi2893 February 16, 2015 at 01:47

        Sidious is a liar. You can’t trust anything he says.

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 13:55

        He never lies about food, you should know.

      • 24 erinkenobi2893 February 16, 2015 at 14:34

        Indeed? I didn’t know that. (He lies about just about everything else, though.)

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 22:06

        But this just proves there’s some good in him, right?

      • 26 erinkenobi2893 February 17, 2015 at 03:47

        … maybe not. Well, he would lie to you if he poisoned your food, right?

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke February 17, 2015 at 21:03

        But why would he do that? He’s loving.

      • 28 erinkenobi2893 February 17, 2015 at 23:49

        Because he might be loving, but he’s loving of all the wrong things.

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke February 18, 2015 at 23:59

        Sounds like a suitable place to be in, I’d say.

      • 30 erinkenobi2893 February 19, 2015 at 01:23

        Serves him right.

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 01:48

        Do you like Durza?

      • 32 erinkenobi2893 February 20, 2015 at 13:21

        Who is Durza? I’m trying to remember but I don’t think I know who he is.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:09

        That’s the shade Eragon killed?

      • 34 erinkenobi2893 February 22, 2015 at 17:11

        Haven’t read it.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 12:22

        Good for you!

      • 36 erinkenobi2893 February 23, 2015 at 13:22

        How so?

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 21:16

        It’s just blah, I fear. You probably would like it in parts–like I did.

      • 38 erinkenobi2893 February 24, 2015 at 13:01


  4. 39 MissTiffany February 8, 2015 at 16:22

    Wonderfully ripping review, my dear Professor. I have watched the movie, but did not read the book. And even though I know what happens now, I still plan on reading this book, eventually. It’s one of my boyfriend’s favorites.

    I think I mostly have a problem with the fact that Harrison Ford was cast as Colonel Graff, one of the ones who knew what Ender was doing, and it bothers me immensely that Indiana Jones would lie to a child like that and make him pretty much commit genocide. Though with a name like “Ender”…maybe he was destined to do so.

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:31

      *bows* Many thanks, MissT! I appreciate it. Here’s the thing: the books is a real interest. You’d probably really enjoy it. Now the question is: should I see the movie? Is it good? I think I’d like to see it.

      *laughing* Kinda makes you doubt him, huh? Saving all those kids in the Temple of Doom, only to do this later. His bullwhip should be taken off him, at least. I think Mr. Walt would agree as well.

  5. 41 BigSister February 8, 2015 at 15:06

    Loved (though I didn’t agree with) your “ripping review”. I haven’t seen the film, but now that I know Harrison Ford is in it….. As Mazer, I presume, since he’s a bit old for Ender. Have you read the rest of the quartet?
    BTW has FF told you that “ripping” is a rather old-fashioned British term of praise, meaning “super” or “great”?

    • 42 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:30

      BUS! Can’t tell you how awesome it is to see you here! *smiles rather bigly* You should see the film. I think Harrison Ford actually plays Colonel Graff, believe it or not. (I still think he should be Ender!) I haven’t read the rest…but I’d like to. Do you recommend doing so?

      *mouth drops open* She hasn’t! Goodnes…I bet she’s been laughing me to scorn this whole time!

  6. 43 masgautsen February 6, 2015 at 04:55

    Great review! Now I don’t fele like I have to waste my time reading the book.

    • 44 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:08

      Many thanks! Very true. Have you heard of it before?

  7. 45 Catherine February 6, 2015 at 04:11

    This is great! I love your Ripping Book Reviews, because now I don’t have to read the book. (Also, I think anyone with a name like Ender Wiggin has to accomplish something great in his life, to make up for his name.)

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:03

      *laughing lots* True! Poor bloke. He should just go by general, I suppose. Smartest thing to do. And thank you bunches!

      • 47 Catherine February 9, 2015 at 03:29

        Someone should have told him that. And you’re welcome! I love reading them!

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:37

        But we can’t now. He’s too vicious.

      • 49 Catherine February 12, 2015 at 02:40

        Poor guy.

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2015 at 21:18

        He’s a general, though. That’s rather cool.

      • 51 Catherine February 20, 2015 at 02:47

        That’s true, he does have that going for him. Not many young kids become generals.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:02

        I might be jealous.

  8. 53 Simply Skeptical February 5, 2015 at 23:40

    Excellently written book review Prof!!! I’ve missed these. None can convey the dadblamery as well and witty and Professorish as you! Not familiar with this book and after the concept of alien ant’s larvae I don’t think I want to be either. Strike this one off…

    • 54 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 01:00

      *bows* I do appreciate it, SS! But…it’s better than the Darby stuff you read!

      • 55 FictionFan February 6, 2015 at 22:08

        *clears throat just to let him know she’s within earshot*

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:28

        *flinches* Oh! Hey, FEF! Sad to report SS loves P&P, too.

      • 57 FictionFan February 7, 2015 at 17:28


      • 58 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2015 at 00:04


      • 59 FictionFan February 8, 2015 at 19:21


  9. 60 The Lite Rider February 5, 2015 at 21:51

    Oh boy. I’ve not read the book, but after seeing the movie I figure it richly deserved this quite good ripping! However, ripping aside, I like the sci fi idea.

    • 61 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 01:00

      I did, too. So…the movie. I’ve been wanting to see it! Was it rubbish?

      • 62 The Lite Rider February 6, 2015 at 21:15

        Many people thought it was rubbish. I liked it. I hate to admit that, but it’s true.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:27

        See, I want to see it now. Looks cool to me!

  10. 64 Debbie February 5, 2015 at 21:41

    Well, gee, now I’m glad I never read this book (nor do I have to, thanks to your astute ripping!) It sounds dreadful. It really was a NYTimes bestseller — and a motion picture, too? Guess there’s no accounting for some people’s taste. Oh, well, this frees me up to do something much more important — and honestly, watching grass grow would be more important than reading this book!

    • 65 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 01:00

      *laughing* And watching the sunflowers grow! You know, it wasn’t too, too bad. There were lots of battles, and stuff. Do you like battles?

      • 66 Debbie February 6, 2015 at 01:41

        Definitely, but the mom in me rebels at a six-year-old being used/abused this way. Childhood should be special — it goes by so fast — and putting a kid into adult’s shoes before his time strikes me as wrong. *hopping off my soapbox now*

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:02

        I agree! The kid should be playing with cars! Or raccoons.

  11. 68 icedmocha34 February 5, 2015 at 20:41

    I really liked the book…but it did freak me out that they were six and totally kicking butt. I played with Little Petshop animals with my friends, and Ender is saving the world or something?? But I did like the writing/style.

    • 69 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:59

      Ripping aside, I enjoyed it too. Couldn’t put it down. *laughs lots* I know, right? He made me think I should be doing something more…the dude was saving the world. And it wasn’t even hard for him!

      • 70 icedmocha34 February 6, 2015 at 01:02

        I know! I think I’d have a slightly harder time saving the world…even so many years older than Ender, poor kid.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:00

        *nods* But then again…bet he got medals–which would have been cool.

  12. 72 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 5, 2015 at 20:22

    I have no opinion on the book, as I’ve not read it, but I don’t intend to read Ender’s Game, so I will agree wholeheartedly with you. Mr. Warrior loved the book. Every page. I’ve missed your rippings, too bad I haven’t the background to understand how terrible it was to read.

    • 73 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:58

      Well, Audith…but….it wasn’t. See, I did quite enjoy it. But it was rippable, so… I could see why Mr. Warrior liked it. There was lots of battles and stuff. Really cool. You should read it instead of the vampire stuff!!!!!!!!

      • 74 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 6, 2015 at 21:15

        I understand, Duke. I’ve often finished a book and felt deceived by it. Picking it to pieces, wondering where it was exactly that I fell in love with it instead of knowing when to drop it and run. I totally understand. Vampire stuff? Well, tis rippable, I know, but no different than what you read about, Sir.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:27

        But of course it is! See, I don’t read books about Giant Japanese Hornets falling in love with ladies.

      • 76 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 7, 2015 at 16:05

        Vampires are Gaint Japanese Hornets falling in love with ladies?! Hmm. So worse than bees, I guess? Maybe reading about children who want to try and save the world is too sad…plus there’s aliens who are worse than vampires.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 23:53

        Aliens can be cruel, it’s true. And humdingers.

      • 78 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 8, 2015 at 02:25

        I think so, Duke.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:24

        Look, for instance, at that chap the scared Ms. Weaver in Alien. I hear he was mean.

      • 80 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 9, 2015 at 04:10

        I’ve never watched that or those movies! Both Ms. Weaver and the alien frighten me. Who would hang out with either one of them?

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:44

        *laughing lots* I’ve never seen it either. But…she’s cool in Holes!

      • 82 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 10, 2015 at 04:45

        Holes? Is she stuck? *laughs* I’ve not seen that either. I have no time for tv. *frowns*

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 21:42

        It was a movie that came out a while back, I think… *counts on his fingers*

      • 84 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 11, 2015 at 02:38

        Hands him some more fingers

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2015 at 21:48

        Thank you. See, I’m old. It was a while back.

      • 86 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 11, 2015 at 22:32

        Not old at all.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2015 at 23:18

        Who me? *laughs* I sure am.

  13. 88 walt walker February 5, 2015 at 17:15

    Ack!! What is going on here? Enders Game is one of the best Sci Fi books ever written!! Double ack!!

    • 89 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:57

      *laughs* I loved it, too, you must know.

      • 90 walt walker February 6, 2015 at 01:02

        *glances sidelong in suspicion* well…okay *mutters and grumbles*

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:00

        But now, Walt, what’s with that Mazor fellow? Even Dick would have smacked him good.

      • 92 walt walker February 7, 2015 at 04:23

        Do you think so? Maybe you are right. But Dick doesn’t really understand many things.

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:33

        Good point. But I’m thinking Dick wouldn’t like space. (Did you see the movie?)

      • 94 walt walker February 7, 2015 at 10:51

        No, space would be to cold and boring for him. He would like the adventure of landing on a new planet though.

        I did not. Was it any good? Like, at all? Good enough for advanced beings such as you and me?

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 23:41

        He’d be a good work horse, I’m thinking the sudden.

        I didn’t either! And here I was hoping you could tell me. I was thinking about seeing it.

      • 96 walt walker February 8, 2015 at 02:17

        I wanted to because I liked the book and I like Harrison Jones.

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:20

        *laughing* We should see it, then. And report back.

      • 98 walt walker February 9, 2015 at 01:46


      • 99 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:29

        *looks it up* Ha! It’s a new movie. 2013.

  14. 100 desertdweller29 February 5, 2015 at 16:15

    What possessed the Professor to read this book? To spare us all? btw, Agreed. I didn’t read past the first chapter.

    • 101 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:57

      Aha! So you tried?

      Well, Nick and I were in a bookstore, and he says: “Get this for me. I want to read it.” I ended up reading it first.

      • 102 desertdweller29 February 6, 2015 at 01:00

        First he refuses a picture of himself, then he uses you as a guinea pig? I demand a duel!

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 01:02

        I know! Write a sentence for him. I’ll make sure he reads it.

  15. 104 PorterGirl February 5, 2015 at 14:16

    Wait… what? A six year old destroyed all the aliens? Okay *gets head around it*. So Ender Wiggins is a bizarre name, it sounds like something a young man might call his gentleman area. If I was named like that I would be violent, too. Very disturbed to see an incorrect use of the word ‘bugger’, which is one of favourites, as you know. But I can overlook that, on this occasion. But they were really ants? And I see a slight hole in the plot – if Earth was supposedly attacked by the buggers in the distant past and were defeated, their message at the end doesn’t make much sense… how could they not know that we were sentient? We already beat them once. Aarrrgghhh! My head is going to pop. This sounds rubbish. I hope that larvae bugger grows up and eats Ender and all of his friends.

    • 105 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:56

      I know! Lucy, do you suppose it was a young Dean??

      *laughing lots* A Wiggins…I’ll never think of that the same. Oh, you’ve ruined it for me! *laughs more*

      Yes! I knew you wouldn’t like that about the buggers. Bothered me too. What was he thinking? Silly American!

      I know! They had to know about we were sentient. And why didn’t they contact Ender sooner? Because it’s silly! But then again, it had something to do with the fact that Ender (since he studied them) he sorta became like them and could communicate with them. They only communicated through the mind, see. Weird, I know.

      And…I won’t say it!

      • 106 PorterGirl February 6, 2015 at 06:17

        A young Dean! That would explain a lot about The Dean. No wonder he doesn’t use his real name.

        Wiggins! I just cannot shake the notion. It is ruined for me too *tries to dislodge the thought*

        Even more need to make the Bugger Instructional Video. But the studio is inhabited by neo-classical opera singers at the moment grrr…

        It’s too weird. Thanks for reading the book so I don’t have to!

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:11

        You know, I’ll have to ask him his name next visit…

        *laughs* You’ve ruined it!!!

        Wow. That sounds cool. Kick ’em out! That video will be awesome.

        My pleasure, I think.

      • 108 PorterGirl February 7, 2015 at 14:33

        You must! Imagine if it was Dean.
        I am so sorry!
        They are pretty good, actually. It’s a cool sound.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 23:46

        That would be awesome. I would laugh so hard.

        It’s okay, I sorta like it.

  16. 110 Susan P February 5, 2015 at 14:10

    Well…erm…ummm… Yes. They definitely…*cough, cough* in the end, I’m glad that I did not read that book.

    • 111 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:54

      But you’d probably like it, Susan. He’s a big fan of Asimov. And I really enjoyed it, I must admit. Though it is hard to believe a 6-year-old could do that. However, I think the Princess could.

      • 112 Susan P February 7, 2015 at 00:14

        Which princess? There are at least two.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:31

        Umm…I think the older one!

      • 114 Susan P February 7, 2015 at 12:54

        She can move pretty fast…

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 23:43

        *nods* I thought so. That’s a good sign.

      • 116 Susan P February 8, 2015 at 00:17

        How so?

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:19

        It means she’s a little riot–like the professor.

      • 118 Susan P February 9, 2015 at 14:48

        She’s all of that and then some.

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:54

        *laughs* Well, that’s a good thing!

      • 120 Susan P February 9, 2015 at 23:41

        That’s what I think.

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 21:36

        *nods* Like a lizard of sorts.

  17. 122 John W. Howell February 5, 2015 at 14:04

    Whew. Saved my eyes from a lot of wasted time. Ants. Really?

    • 123 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:54

      They were, yes! Can thou believe it? Have you seen this one about?

      • 124 John W. Howell February 6, 2015 at 02:02

        No. Not even a a flea market.

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:02

        And here I thought it was famous.

      • 126 John W. Howell February 7, 2015 at 13:55

        Not on my island

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 23:44

        I didn’t know you had an island!

      • 128 John W. Howell February 8, 2015 at 13:50

        It’s not mine I just live here.

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:27

        Have you ever thought about conquering? Alexander the Great would give that thinks.

      • 130 John W. Howell February 9, 2015 at 13:41

        Might not be worth the trouble

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 22:53

        *nods* Better to sit back and relax–I agree.

  18. 132 FictionFan February 5, 2015 at 13:53

    May I just start by saying thank you! Thank you so, so much for not making me read this book!

    I do very much feel that being called Ender Wiggin is an invite for abuse. One wonders why his mother disliked him so much. Perhaps something to do with his vicous, nasty, violent little personality? (Though he sounds not unlike many six-year-olds I’ve known.) Nah, I suspect it was because he grew a pet squirrel…

    Buggers?!? I’m speechless! Tell me, if they were like ants, how did their little handies reach all the way up to the spaceship controls?

    A fabulous rip, Professor! Of a book that really, really sounds as if it was made for ripping! Bet Bleak House doesn’t seem so bad now…

    (Yay! BUS is a tag! BUS is a tag! Wait till I tell her… *laughs and laughs*)

    • 133 Professor VJ Duke February 6, 2015 at 00:52

      *laughing* Funny you should say that, I was going to add a subscript that went something like this: “FEF, I know I made this sound bad, but you should still read it.”

      He couldn’t grow a pet squirrel at that age! You know, his real name was Andrew. Ender was a nickname. And I”m sad to say the last name was his since birth.

      *laughing* I’m not sure! Maybe the ships were different on the inside? Maybe a Zez spaceship!

      How mad would you be if I said I quite liked this book?

      (She was! Tell me what she thinks. I saw Harrison Ford was in the movie, and I thought of BUS.)

      • 134 FictionFan February 6, 2015 at 15:35

        Haha! Even you wouldn’t be that mean… would you?!?

        If he can destroy an entire race of aliens, growing a squirrel shouldn’t be beyond him!! Andrew Wiggin somehow doesn’t have a heroic ring to it, does it? Parents really ought to think these things through.

        Ah! But if Zez was on the aliens’ side, then Ender would have been sent to bed with no supper as he deserved!

        If you liked this book, I don’t think I’d be the one who was mad, do you? *phones Crackjaw*

        (She’s being terribly mysterious at the moment – I left a message asking if she’s read the book, but so far no answer…)

      • 135 Professor VJ Duke February 7, 2015 at 04:21

        I’m normally not mean at all, excuse you!

        They should. Maybe they should have called him Meek Timer. That sounds heroic to me, I think.

        True. No one defeats Zez!

        *laughing lots* BUS liked it!!!

      • 136 FictionFan February 7, 2015 at 17:26

        Ooh, you are when it comes to books!!

        Does it? Well… I’m gardoobled!

        Except Schwarzy…

        *groans despairingly* I know!! But – don’t tell her I said so – but her taste in books is rubbish…

      • 137 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2015 at 00:02

        I am not! I’m reading Dune and…and….and…

        Me too. Looking back, the name stinks. That’s what happens when you’re tired.

        Nah…Schwarz wouldn’t mess with him.

        I think you may end up reading them… *fears for FEF*

      • 138 FictionFan February 8, 2015 at 19:19

        And Bleak House! Don’t forget that – 15 months now… have you reached Chapter 2 yet?

        Maybe his parents were tired when they named him then…

        He doesn’t have to – everyone knows he would win!

        *sobs quietly and hides behind TBR*

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 01:39

        Very funny! I’ll fetch it soon…

        You’re probably right. But we should probably say the same about Paul. What’s Jessica’s relationship to Paul’s father exactly? I can’t work it out.

        Even FEF!

        Oh dear. BUS is really into it. She’s actually making me read the next ones!

      • 140 FictionFan February 9, 2015 at 17:32

        *raises quizzical eyebrow and chuckles meanly*

        Atreides is quite heroic don’t you think? Better than Wiggin! She’s his concubine and mother of his only son. He can’t marry her even though he loves her because she’s not well-born enough…

        *laughs* I actually think your taste is more like BUS’s than mine – you should do what she says. Just remember she reads about 4 times more than FF…

      • 141 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2015 at 23:00

        It is mean!

        I’m not sure. I’m still deciding about Mr. Atreides. We’ll see. Jessica is an interest, too. I hope she’s good. He shouldn’t let that stop him!

        Now that’s just not possible.

      • 142 FictionFan February 10, 2015 at 18:04

        She’s skilled in the wierding ways… I agree!!! But he wasn’t good enough for her anyway…

        Sadly, ’tis! As you will discover, now she’s taking over your TBR… *chuckles gnomishly*

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2015 at 22:03

        Wierding ways…oh dear. Oh yes he was!

        Oh no, mustn’t happen. FEF has to keep control. You know what I like.

      • 144 FictionFan February 11, 2015 at 17:38

        The wierding way are cool! You’ll see! Oh no he wasn’t!

        *nods vigorously* Yes! Austen! Dickens!!!

      • 145 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2015 at 23:04

        Okay, so you’re right. He’s worrying more about appearance than her. This is wrong. Aren’t you glad I know these things?


      • 146 FictionFan February 12, 2015 at 17:08

        I am! See, women are always truer in love. Men are so fickle…

      • 147 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2015 at 21:48

        Nah…there’re good guys out there.

      • 148 FictionFan February 13, 2015 at 16:29

        True! Darby…

      • 149 Professor VJ Duke February 13, 2015 at 19:39

        And Frank Loesser.

      • 150 FictionFan February 13, 2015 at 23:43

        Hmm…wait till I google… talented, but not quite as gorgeous as Darby though – no kiss-curl!

      • 151 Professor VJ Duke February 14, 2015 at 18:20

        He wrote some nice jazz standards!

      • 152 FictionFan February 14, 2015 at 22:55

        Such as?

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 13:48

        If I Were a Bell…and I’ve Never Been in Love Before. And Baby It’s Cold Outside.

      • 154 FictionFan February 16, 2015 at 19:54

        Awwww, sweetie pumpkin pie, you can be a bell if you want! And someday your princess will come, and suddenly you’ll feel all warm and aglow…

      • 155 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2015 at 22:20

        *laughing lots and lots and lots* You set me up! I’m such a dull sort of professor. I don’t want a princess!

      • 156 FictionFan February 17, 2015 at 17:06

        *laughing lots too* No! No! I can’t take the credit – it’s all yours! You are as dull as an irridescent sparkle of water falling over high rocks in the winter sunshine, and no princess will be able to resist you! (Or your pants…)

      • 157 Professor VJ Duke February 17, 2015 at 21:27

        Yeah, but no! I was just giving a few titles, dadblameit!!! *laughs* I like your descriptions. Oh sure they will! Every Princess will just look at my katana–and run! (*holds ears*)

      • 158 FictionFan February 18, 2015 at 16:24

        *gasps* You can’t attack princesses wth your katana, honeybun! Use your peashooter!

      • 159 Professor VJ Duke February 19, 2015 at 00:17

        Now it seems you’re correcting me… *growls* Everyone gets attacked by the katana! Especially the girls. Girls are such trouble. *bangs desk* I should just truck you around with me. You’d fetch them all!

      • 160 FictionFan February 19, 2015 at 18:03

        I’m merely thinking of your own welfare! The King is hardly likely to knight you, is he, if you attack his beautiful daughter with a katana?! Let me do it for you…

        They are!! You should!! Only ‘truck’ doesn’t sound so good – how about ‘limo’?

      • 161 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:26

        That’s a good point…but I don’t need knighted by him! I mean…I’m a samurai, remember.

        Well, only if you drive. I hate driving big cars.

      • 162 FictionFan February 20, 2015 at 18:31

        Of course you are, my dear rat!! You should attack the King then!

        Hmm… have I mentioned my parking difficulties?

      • 163 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:23

        Rats?! *thinks about rampaging*

        No! Tell me. Sounds interesting.

      • 164 FictionFan February 22, 2015 at 16:44

        I’m a rubbish parker. There! Was it interesting?

      • 165 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 12:22

        Very interesting! Rubbish is such a good word. I’m going to start using it. The professor is rubbish at shopping.

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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