A Visitor & Red Muffins

And this professor was having a muffin—a cherry one, mind you—at Ruber’s Catering.

It was rather tasty, you should know. But it didn’t have any protein. It was puffy, dry and squishy, and not a bit red. Alarming, maybe, but not for this professor.

I wasn’t scared of muffins.

Ruber Salami, the owner of the establishment, sat down across from me.

“Poof,” he said, as he sat. “What a day it’s been, eh?”

Ruber, you must understand, has a bit of an English accent. At least, I think he does. But I could be wrong.

The professor, you see, is accent-less, so I’m not a good judge of accents.

“A very tough day,” he said. Then he sighed.

“What do you do to relax?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I just sit around, read the comics, and snack, I suppose. Look here, P.VJ—eh—there’s no such thing as relaxing on this planet, eh? If you think you’re going to be able to relax, forget about it.” He leaned back into his chair and flopped his boots on the table. “We’ll be able to relax when we’re in the grave.”

And that’s when we were joined by this professor’s very good friend, Lucy.

“Oh, hello!” I said, shaking her hand—maybe a bit too hardly hard.

Ruber was on his feet in an instant as well. He’s a bit of a gentleman.

“Hello, chaps,” she said. “Good to see both of you.”

See, PorterGirl and this professor have had many adventures at Old College. (That’s where she works, see.) It’s always a pleasure to see her show up in TPL as well, you know.

“Lucy,” this professor said, “I should probably introduce you to Ruber. I don’t think you’ve met. But if you have: it’s time to meet again.”

“How do you do,” Ruber said.

They shook hands, and then we all sat.

“Now, Ruber,” I said, “you’re a good cook and all…but, listen here: why is this cherry muffin not red?”

I showed it to Lucy for a bit of inspection. (This professor hadn’t eaten the whole thing.)

“Well, it certainly is muffin-y,” Lucy replied dubiously. “But I’m not convinced on the cherry aspect of it. It isn’t at all red, you know.”

Ruber laughed. “Well, what makes you think cherries are red?”

That was a humdinger. Straight-up humdinger.

“Well…!” Lucy started, but became confused. “Because they just are, are they not? There is even a color called cherry red. There, that proves it.”

Ruber shrugged. “Oh come on, cherries don’t have to be red. Consider this, you puppies: cherries are more black than red. Especially fresh cherries.”

He maybe had a point.

“Do you use fresh cherries in your muffins then?” Lucy asked.

“Great question!” I said.

We had him now. See, he had to admit, that there wasn’t an ounce of real cherries in his cherry muffins. I suspected he was using some sort of colorless flavoring.

“Why would I not?” Ruber said, defensively.

“Why not? To fool the muffin-loving public, that’s why,” said Lucy.

“I’m not sure why either,” this professor said. “But…cherry muffins should be red. Wouldn’t you say so, Lucy?”

“I cannot help but agree, professor. Cherries are red and that is that.”

“That’s like saying bananas,” Ruber said, mounting his defense, “should be yellow!”

“Aren’t they?” I asked.

“They should be,” said Lucy, “if you don’t want a belly ache. Bananas are certainly yellow.”

“No!” Ruber almost yelled. “What a toggogin. They’re white on the inside!”

It was a good defense.

“But that shouldn’t be the way with cherries,” I said. “Look here, cherries should be red because they are more attractive that way. And more attractive food, is food that’s going to get eaten. What humans are attracted to most, they eat.”

“The professor is right, you know, Ruber,” Lucy agreed. “If a cherry isn’t red then I am afraid I am suspicious of it. And I can’t enjoy eating a thing I am suspicious of.”

Ruber sighed. “Did you like the muffin?”

“Uhh…yes…?” I said. “But it wasn’t red.”

Ruber pounded the table, and this professor jumped.

“Goodness!” Ruber startled Lucy and she made a little squeak.

“I’ll fix it for you then…”

Ruber was up and gone.

“Where do you suppose he went?” I asked.

“To write a letter of apology, I should hope. Or to get us some real life cherries.”

He was back moments later. Ruber snatched what was left of my muffin (about half, I’d say) put it on a plate, and squirted ketchup all over it.

“There!” he said, breathing hard. “It’s red!”

This professor looked at Lucy.

“Hmm,” said Lucy. “Perhaps this ketchup is made from cherry tomatoes?”

“Next time,” Ruber said, “don’t ask for red muffins.

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193 Responses to “A Visitor & Red Muffins”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 March 23, 2015 at 14:10

    Oh dear… *rolls on floor laughing*
    I don’t really like things that are flavored like cherries. I like real cherries, but black cherries, not Maraschino ones. Anything with artificial cherry flavoring just tastes like medicine to me.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke March 23, 2015 at 20:32

      That’s a very good point! Medicine… *gags* Oh, I hate medicine. All sorts of medicines. The black ones, the pills, and the sandy ones. But imagine ketchup on a muffin!

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 March 24, 2015 at 12:58

        I can imagine! Ketchup muffins. Ewww… I can understand cheddar-and-sun-dried-tomato muffins, but ketchup muffins?!
        Sometimes medicine is not so bad. Other times it’s horrible.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 20:03

        Now the muffins you mentioned sound really good. But ketchup muffins should be banned.

        I suppose so. The pills aren’t bad.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 01:14

        Thank you! :-D I must needs invent them.
        Yes, they should…
        It depends on what type of pills they are.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 11:56

        Definitely.

        Yeah, the purple ones, I bet, are badly bad.

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 11:58

        Probably. I haven’t tried any purple ones.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 12:06

        Me neither.

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 12:21

        I wonder if there are grape muffins?

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 20:18

        I do wonder, too! I’d try one, for sure.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 March 27, 2015 at 13:42

        Me too.

      • 12 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 02:37

        *chokes* I got lost while traveling with the Doctor and caught a Bug of Immense Immunodeficient Probabilities (BiiP, for short.) And I had to take sandy medicine. It was horrible. But I got to crawl under the Doctor’s trench coat and didn’t have to apologize for blatantly snuggling him. He’s not exactly warm to snuggle with, but he’s still a good snuggle-er, if you know what I mean!

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2015 at 13:33

        I’m astounded, madam! You snuggled the doctor? Was he cranky about it?

      • 14 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 13:56

        No. He didn’t mind, but mostly because I was sick and he wouldn’t catch it. And I was a bit of a rascal about it all. :-P No more chasing Daleks for a few days, though.

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2015 at 20:23

        Daleks have awful colds all the time. At least, they sound like they do.

      • 16 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 20:33

        They only sound like they do, unfortunately. Until I infected one by askident. :-P

  2. 17 Hazy March 7, 2015 at 07:42

    Cherry muffins sound interesting! I like blueberry and apple cinnamon ones. Now I’m kinda craving some. Look what you did, professor! *laughs*

    Ruber made quite valid points! I’m a little surprised. Are black cherries red too? I’ve only seen the juice version, and it’s a bit black.

    Ketchup is yuckers period. But especially on muffins. But that’s prolly just me. *smiles sheepishly*

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2015 at 00:19

      Oh…I take the credit! Now, let’s get some muffins at once, madam!

      I’m not even sure! I always assume cherries are red. Just like violets are pink.

      Really? Do you like French fries? One needs ketchup with ff.

      • 19 Hazy March 9, 2015 at 02:29

        *hands over a cherry muffin*

        Isn’t it violets are blue? But why are they called violets and not blues? Are the flowers afraid to be mistaken for music?

        Really! And I do like FF, but I only eat them salted. No dressing. Odd, I suppose. *laughs*

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 00:49

        Thanks!

        *laughs* You’re right. This professor is always mistaking his colors and flowers. Flowers are so odd, you know. They probably would be.

        Nah, that’s rather normal! I like just a little sauce at times.

  3. 21 Brenda Davis Harsham February 22, 2015 at 17:54

    Ugh, not the ketchup!! What a toggogin! LOL

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 12:23

      *laughs* I know! Didn’t that just ruin things?

  4. 23 Catherine February 20, 2015 at 02:32

    I don’t think I’d have eaten that muffin. What color was it, anyway?

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:34

      It was white! Horrid, huh?

      • 25 Catherine February 20, 2015 at 02:38

        Yucketh! I don’t think I’ll eat at Ruber’s Catering.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:41

        They have Ham there, you know.

  5. 27 Simply Skeptical February 19, 2015 at 23:48

    Ruber is right you know. All cherry baked goods aren’t red; perhaps a pale pink, but definitely not red. If you see a red cherry muffin your eyes are being fooled with red food dye. I for one would prefer the pale pink natural kind to the phony red kind. I do believe you should give Ruber this one. ;-)

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:33

      *grumbles loud* Now…come on! You’d eat a deathly pale cherry muffin?

      • 29 Simply Skeptical February 20, 2015 at 23:05

        Certainly. It’s flavor first. Well, that could be phony too. You have to watch these altered foods nowadays. Valentine’s is past. As St. Pat’s Day approaches everything will be green from beer to pancakes don’t you know?

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:25

        And the river in chicago, I hear!

  6. 31 gridthusto February 19, 2015 at 22:06

    Apparently Ruber does not subscribe to the old adage ‘the customer is always right’. Rightly so, in this case I suppose.

    • 32 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:33

      But don’t you like your cherry muffins to be a bit red? I suppose this professor was rude… *grumbles*

      • 33 gridthusto February 20, 2015 at 02:41

        Perhaps, but Ruber much more so. Enveloping the muffin in Ketchup, what a fiend. Not unlike an egging, I would cover his storefront windows with blood-red cherry muffins.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:42

        *laughing* Very good idea! I should. But what if he tries to shoot me? He might, you know.

  7. 35 Nancy Loderick February 19, 2015 at 20:27

    Hey Professor,

    He certainly showed you, didn’t he? Perhaps you should go to a Farmer’s Market next time – they have lots of colorful food there. And it’s real food too! :)

    Nancy

    • 36 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:32

      I should, you’re right! Wasn’t that rude of him?

      • 37 Nancy Loderick February 21, 2015 at 16:37

        Hey Professor,

        Actually it goes way beyond rude! :)

        Nancy

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:27

        It was a war!

  8. 39 Nimmi February 19, 2015 at 20:04

    Hahahah :D OMG! Can’t control the laughter ;) You and your favourite color ‘RED’. This time you are in trouble, Duke ;)

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:30

      *laughing too* I know! But isn’t red important for a cherry muffin?

      • 41 Nimmi February 20, 2015 at 16:36

        I guess, Cherry’s are much important in a cherry muffin. Not red… ;)

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:14

        They are! Do you like cherries?

      • 43 Nimmi February 21, 2015 at 20:22

        Hmm, not much… I like Berries ;) What about you???

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:32

        I love berries! Blue or purple ones?

      • 45 Nimmi February 21, 2015 at 20:38

        Oh! Great to know that. I like blue, purple and pink :P :D

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 12:14

        Cool! Me too. Berries are just awesome.

      • 47 Nimmi February 23, 2015 at 12:21

        indeed!! :)

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 12:27

        *eats a whole bunch*

      • 49 Nimmi February 23, 2015 at 12:55

        Share it with me too ;)

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 21:13

        Absolutely! *hands Nimmi some*

      • 51 Nimmi February 24, 2015 at 15:56

        Aw! Thank you :)

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2015 at 00:08

        My pleasure! *bows* Wait…I’m not supposed to bow, right?

      • 53 Nimmi February 25, 2015 at 11:19

        Haha :D Exactly dear ;) Don’t bow…

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2015 at 13:18

        Oh, okay. But I’ll probably forget from time to time!

      • 55 Nimmi February 25, 2015 at 15:54

        Don’t worry about that… I’ll remind you from time to time ;)

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2015 at 21:05

        Dadblameit! But…bowing might be professorish!

      • 57 Nimmi February 26, 2015 at 14:44

        Hmm… Okay… If you really want to do then fine :)

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 12:59

        But my hat falls off.

      • 59 Nimmi February 27, 2015 at 15:57

        How can it be possible… forgot.. It’s on my head, Duke ;)

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 19:43

        Well, your hair must keep it in…is that it?

      • 61 Nimmi February 28, 2015 at 16:40

        Don’t you know I have long hairs ;) however, it’s matching ;)

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke March 1, 2015 at 00:01

        Aha! So you have long hair…well…I suppose I thought you did. It does match. Now you need a pipe.

      • 63 Nimmi March 1, 2015 at 08:22

        Hahaha :D That’s a good one…. Now tell me, who am I, According to you??? ;)

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 12:34

        Well, I’m putting things together where you’re concerned. You’re a great friend…your name is Nimmi…is that your name?

      • 65 Nimmi March 2, 2015 at 12:38

        Well… I asked you, why you want me to have a pipe??? ;) Yes, my name is Nimmi… :) Your great friend :)

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 12:51

        *shrugs* I don’t know…I just thought a pipe would look great with you! *laughs* Where are you from?

      • 67 Nimmi March 2, 2015 at 12:53

        Hahaha :D I don’t think so ;) India!! And Where you from??

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 19:00

        Yeah, I don’t have a pipe either. Yucketh! India! Now that’s cool. I’m in the US!

      • 69 Nimmi March 2, 2015 at 19:04

        Wow!! That’s great :)

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 19:22

        Thank you! It’s snowy here right now…but you know that. How’s the weather where you’re at?

      • 71 Nimmi March 2, 2015 at 19:34

        Yes, I know :) Here, It’s night time now, quite humidly soothing weather :)

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2015 at 12:58

        Oh, that sounds nice. It’s dry and cold here. With maybe some snow.

      • 73 Nimmi March 3, 2015 at 13:06

        Hmm, I can understand dear!!

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2015 at 13:25

        Yes, this professor is ready for some warmth!

      • 75 Nimmi March 3, 2015 at 15:55

        Hug you ;)

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2015 at 18:50

        Oh dear…but can professors hug?

      • 77 Nimmi March 3, 2015 at 18:54

        Oh yes!! Hug me back ;)

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2015 at 18:58

        But do boys hug?

      • 79 Nimmi March 3, 2015 at 19:21

        Do it and show the world that, yes, they do :)

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 13:40

        Are you sure they do?

      • 81 Nimmi March 4, 2015 at 13:46

        Don’t do… I will do then ;)

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 14:09

        *waits*

      • 83 Nimmi March 4, 2015 at 14:26

        Hug you, dear <3 :)

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:41

        *hugs*

      • 85 Nimmi March 5, 2015 at 11:20

        Whoooo hooo!! I’m so very glad you did :)

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:51

        Yes! I did… *grumbles about fairness*

      • 87 Nimmi March 5, 2015 at 12:54

        Aw!! So Cute :)

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 18:31

        Huff-Hum!

      • 89 Nimmi March 5, 2015 at 19:58

        Not so really ;)

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2015 at 21:15

        Huff-Hum and a roar!

      • 91 Nimmi March 7, 2015 at 11:45

        *laughing* :D

  9. 92 Debbie February 19, 2015 at 19:18

    Nice of Lucy to visit and back you up, though something tells me y’all’s efforts were futile. You were guests in poor Ruber’s establishment, yet you ganged up on him. Wasn’t that a bit rude?? I mean, if you didn’t like his food, you probably should’ve just tossed it in the can and left for finer dining elsewhere, don’t you agree?

    By the way, did you know February is National Cherry Month?? And all cherries aren’t red, either. http://wonderopolis.org/wonder/are-all-cherries-red/

    As for Ruber, adding ketchup to a muffin doesn’t sound like a wise solution. How’d it taste, though??

    • 93 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:28

      *hangs head* You do have a point, Debbie, but look here: shouldn’t he be told about the importance of red in a muffin?

      I didn’t! Wow…I’m gardoobled. I need to go back to school, huh?

      Horrible! Would you like to try?

  10. 94 sonmi upon the Cloud February 19, 2015 at 19:05

    “I wasn’t scared of muffins.”- Ahhh…..but do you know the Muffin Man?

    – s.u.t.C

    • 95 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:27

      I don’t! Is he scary?

      • 96 sonmi upon the Cloud February 20, 2015 at 09:18

        He lives on Drury Lane!!

        – s.u.t.C

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:07

        Is that in England?

      • 98 sonmi upon the Cloud February 21, 2015 at 21:11

        It very much is. England, where muffins are as they should be – bread buns! Not fat cakes, tsk.

        – Sonmi toasting muffins upon the Cloud

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 12:14

        But, Sonmi, I like the sound of fat cakes.

      • 100 sonmi upon the Cloud February 23, 2015 at 12:22

        There’s really no answer to that ..

        – sonmi laughing upon the Cloud

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 12:27

        Huff-Hum to you, Sonmi!

  11. 102 masgautsen February 19, 2015 at 16:30

    Ketchup muffin sounds awful!

    • 103 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:12

      Doesn’t it? Ugh! I’d rather have a meat cake.

      • 104 masgautsen February 20, 2015 at 04:43

        Me too!

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:05

        *tries to make some*

  12. 106 Susan P February 19, 2015 at 15:42

    First time I’ve seen Ruber talked down and not getting the last word. Of course, it might not be the end all things considering. I mean, he’s a piece of work and no doubt about it.

    • 107 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:12

      Yes…and wasn’t he rude?

      • 108 Susan P February 20, 2015 at 23:08

        He’s always rude. Want’s people to believe he’s a member of King Arthur’s court or something.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:26

        But he’s got red hair.

      • 110 Susan P February 21, 2015 at 21:12

        *puts fingers in her ears*

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 12:14

        Not fair!

      • 112 Susan P February 23, 2015 at 13:14

        What did you say? I can’t hear you.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 21:14

        Oh, Huff-Hum to you, madam!

      • 114 Susan P February 23, 2015 at 21:33

        I need some tapioca pudding. That will help.

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke February 24, 2015 at 13:42

        I’ll take some of that weird-textured stuff, too.

      • 116 Susan P February 24, 2015 at 20:48

        With cherries in it?

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2015 at 00:16

        On it, in it, over it…anyway you like it!

      • 118 Susan P February 26, 2015 at 00:58

        I’m ready!

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 12:56

        Me too! But I’m not sure how to make it.

      • 120 Susan P February 28, 2015 at 01:12

        Do you have a cookbook?

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke February 28, 2015 at 23:59

        A few actually!

      • 122 Susan P March 1, 2015 at 00:24

        then you must use them

  13. 123 Angeline M February 19, 2015 at 15:26

    Now see here my dear P. VJ. There is a type of cherry, Rainier, that is white, so maybe that is what Ruber used in his muffins. I think he was right to squirt ketchup on your muffin. Now the question is…was it tasty, or was it not?

    • 124 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:11

      White! Do they taste the same?

      Well…I”m thinking he ruined it. You wouldn’t eat it with ketchup would you?

      • 125 Angeline M February 20, 2015 at 02:17

        I love ketchup

      • 126 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:39

        Even the green type?

  14. 127 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 19, 2015 at 14:52

    As much as I enjoyed the bantering between you and Ms. Lucy, I have to wholeheartedly agree with Ruber. He’s spot on, actually. The blacker the cherry the better and bananas are white. Their peel is yellow. One should pay closer attention, Duke. Ruber’s ketchup fix was perfect. Always good to see a woman’s perspective in the PL. Good of Lucy to back you up, I think. Well done.

    • 128 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:08

      Oh dear…cherries are black? Really? Now I feel bad. Was I mean to Ruber? But still, you must admit a cherry muffin should be red, shouldn’t it?

      • 129 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 21, 2015 at 19:29

        A version of blacks, yes. All but those nasty fake cherries of yours. *smiles* Ruber couldn’t win this argument with you, you know. Everything has to be red in your world. Why don’t you have a red velvet cherry cupcake. You’ll have the visual you need that way.

      • 130 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:31

        *laughing* I do need most things red! Those cherries aren’t so bad. Bet Mr. Warrior likes them!

      • 131 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 22, 2015 at 04:30

        *rolls her eyes* Probably he does, which proves nothing.

      • 132 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 12:18

        Well, doesn’t mean you should give them another go?

      • 133 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 23, 2015 at 15:52

        I am regularly asked to give it another go and I don’t like them, Duke. Not at all. Far too sweet. Here try my chocolate coffee…it doesn’t even taste like coffee.

      • 134 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 21:24

        Oh no! The professor eateth not coffee. *makes a face* Who asks you?

      • 135 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 23, 2015 at 21:29

        Well…stop asking me to eat those dadblame cherries! Mr. Warrior..he’s been eating mine from my cherry limeade for some time now.

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke February 24, 2015 at 13:41

        Oh, he’s a cherry thief! That’s cool.

      • 137 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 24, 2015 at 21:09

        He is!! And the perfect sort of thief to hang out with me.

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2015 at 00:24

        I wish I was a cherry thief.

      • 139 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 25, 2015 at 03:57

        I bet you are, Duke. I’d let you thievery mine.

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2015 at 13:16

        You would? That’s awesome. Mr. Warrior and I would probably battle for cherries, then.

      • 141 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 26, 2015 at 21:49

        Yes, straw swords, I bet.

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 13:07

        Oh no. Real ones with damascus steel!

      • 143 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 1, 2015 at 18:57

        Umm, no you will not. Someone will lose a finger.

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 12:42

        We’ll glue it back on, then.

      • 145 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 2, 2015 at 22:02

        Will it look the same?

      • 146 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2015 at 13:16

        Maybe a bit more crooked?

      • 147 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 3, 2015 at 21:48

        I like crooked.

      • 148 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 13:51

        And it might not move as well.

      • 149 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 4, 2015 at 14:39

        Do you think I’d have a problem with that, Duketh?

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:47

        Umm…yes!

      • 151 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 5, 2015 at 03:20

        Why??

      • 152 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:44

        Well, imagine. I wouldn’t be able to eat as well.

      • 153 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 5, 2015 at 20:35

        But why not?

      • 154 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2015 at 21:20

        Well…how would one hold a fork?

      • 155 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 6, 2015 at 21:56

        You’re correct. Better to have something to hold a fork with. *giggle* Toes?

      • 156 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2015 at 00:09

        Ew! Banish the idea.

  15. 157 walt walker February 19, 2015 at 14:42

    I’m afraid I don’t much care for cherries. Unless you can make wine out of them. Can you? Make wine out of them, that is?

    • 158 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:07

      Cherry wine…now that is an interest. Do you suppose it would be sweet?

      • 159 walt walker February 20, 2015 at 10:10

        I would think so? Do you suppose it should have whip cream on top, too?

      • 160 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:07

        Absolutely! And a cherry, you must agree.

  16. 161 L. Marie February 19, 2015 at 14:34

    I’m still amazed at the fact that you said Ruber is a good cook. But perhaps you felt coerced. After all, Ruber has access to harp kitchen utensils.

    Still, ketchup is better than blood. At least Ruber didn’t go the blood route.

    • 162 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:06

      Haha! Well…he has gotten a bit better. Even you had to be a bit tempted by that muffin!

      Ew! What a thought. He could have too.

      • 163 L. Marie February 20, 2015 at 15:04

        Glad you understood that by “harp” I meant “sharp.” But seeing as how you’re a musician, perhaps harp is strangely fitting.

      • 164 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:09

        It is, you’re right.

  17. 165 FictionFan February 19, 2015 at 14:33

    Good noodles! It’s a different girl every day with you, isn’t it, Mr Flirty?!? Did Amelia know you were meeting Lucy? Not to mention Sandra, whom you were sighing over only yesterday!! I simply don’t know when you find the time to fit your warrior duties in!! I’m so glad dear Ruber splatted your muffin!!

    Before I flounce, a question for Lucy. So…just how extraordinarily beautiful are his philandering pants anyway?? *flounces off*

    • 166 Susan P February 19, 2015 at 15:44

      laughing out loud here. I’m inclined to tip-toe away quietly until the brouhaha passes.

      • 167 FictionFan February 19, 2015 at 18:18

        The men is incorrigible!! I have had to buy in an extra supply of ketchup so I can give Ruber backup if it all turns nasty…

      • 168 Susan P February 19, 2015 at 19:40

        I know, right? Maybe a pitcher of icy water.

      • 169 FictionFan February 19, 2015 at 20:00

        *nods vigorously*

      • 170 L. Marie February 20, 2015 at 15:06

        Me too, Susan P, though I did enjoy this exchange. :-)

    • 171 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:05

      Don’t you think it’s a possibility that the girls all flirt with me? That kinda makes me sweet and innocent, doesn’t it? *smiles bigly* But…that was my muffin! And he ruined it and you think that’s good!

      Maybe I was wearing shorts.

      • 172 FictionFan February 20, 2015 at 17:07

        Are you calling Lucy a flirt?!? I shall tell her, you know, you know… just before I splat her! You’re sweet and innocent demeanour no longer fools me, you… you… playboy!! I do! I wish he’d given you the fish dish!!

        *ruminates pensively*

      • 173 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:16

        Of course not! We didn’t flirt an ounce! In fact, I felt bad, ’cause I brought her right into the middle of a full-out war! You want me poisoned. Playboy…maybe like Ironman.

        Don’t!

      • 174 FictionFan February 22, 2015 at 16:28

        You clearly had an assignation arranged with her – how else would she have known where you were, huh? Unless… all your other ladies are allowed to wander freely round the Punchy Lands and it’s just FF who’s not allowed to go there… *startled face*

      • 175 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 12:19

        Awww! That’s not fair you make me feel bad for you. You know I’d take you all over the PL if you wanted! But, secretly, I think you’re scared! *nods*

      • 176 FictionFan February 26, 2015 at 16:19

        Huh! I’d never be scared when the Professor was with me!

      • 177 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 13:01

        I get into all sorts of trouble.

      • 178 FictionFan February 27, 2015 at 17:50

        That would be the fun part…

      • 179 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 19:51

        *smiles bigly* Okay, then.

    • 180 PorterGirl February 20, 2015 at 15:12

      I had nothing to do with his philandering pants, I can assure you! But I must say, the Professor does seem to have the ever-present company of women. Maybe he is a rogue of some kind!

      • 181 FictionFan February 20, 2015 at 17:05

        Hah! A likely story! You just want to keep the vision of those pants all to yourself! *aims peashooter*

      • 182 PorterGirl February 20, 2015 at 18:07

        *quickly dons a green jumper*

      • 183 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:15

        Now, FEF, control your killing instincts, I insist. There’s lots of beasts that might jump out of the woods is you start shooting.

      • 184 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:10

        Of course I’m a rogue!

  18. 185 The Lite Rider February 19, 2015 at 14:21

    Laughing…..of *course* he put ketchup on it! :) And cherries *are* red.

    • 186 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:03

      I was wondering what he was going to do! The scamp! Yes, aren’t they?

  19. 187 PorterGirl February 19, 2015 at 14:06

    Bravo, Professor! And thank you so much for having me back to stay at the PL. You must apologise to Ruber for me – I am afraid I sounded rather ungrateful about the muffins. But they certainly were not red! The cheeky scamp that he is.

    (I am going to link to this post from Old College tomorrow, if you wouldn’t mind too much? I feel all of England must know of the Punchy Lands!)

    • 188 Professor VJ Duke February 20, 2015 at 02:02

      He is a cheeky scamp, and you were just fine. I think I made him mad. He was complaining about how tough his day was…but really! I think he likes you just fine. And it was my pleasure having you in TPL!

      (Sure! I’d be honored. Thanks bunches!!!!!!!)

      • 189 PorterGirl February 20, 2015 at 06:10

        *laughs* poor Ruber. It must be testy having DS as a father, although I wouldn’t mind it. Maybe he was cross that there were no real chcherries. That could anger a chap.

        (Yay! My pleasure)

      • 190 Professor VJ Duke February 21, 2015 at 20:07

        I think you’re right. Imagine if DS was the one that had the muffin. Then Ruber would have fetched it!

      • 191 PorterGirl February 22, 2015 at 18:27

        Goodness, it doesn’t bare thinking about. There would have been big trouble, for sure.

      • 192 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2015 at 12:24

        *nods* And fun!


  1. 1 A Visitor And Red Muffins | Secret Diary Of PorterGirl Trackback on February 20, 2015 at 08:01

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