By Nicholas Warren

Daniel H. liked to play cards.

The only problem was that not many people around liked to play cards.

So it was solitaire for him.

Boring old solitaire.

“I can’t believe this,” he said to himself one day. “Here I am, living in this nice little neighborhood, and I have no one to play cards with. It’s not acceptable.”

So Daniel decided to go for a walk. He left the house and walked down the sidewalk of the rather affluent neighborhood he lived in.

That was when he came upon Manly-Man riding a scooter, with a helmet on—crookedly.

Daniel stopped to watch Manly-Man’s rather pitiful attempt at riding on the scooter.

“You know, you’re not very good at this. Why don’t you come and play cards with me?” Daniel said to him.

“Oh no. Hey dude, I’s think I’s good. At least I ain’t chubby,” Manly-Man replied, as if bashful.

“How about you put that silly thing away, and come with me and play cards?” Daniel asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Oh no…”

“No? Why?”

“Okay, let’s do it, little dude.”

“I’m actually taller than you.”

“Oh, and you’s fatter, too,” Many-Man replied. He was about twice as broad as Daniel…and maybe a few inches smaller.

“Ah! So rude to me!”

“Hey, let’s go play cards, chubby. I’s gonna call my buddy Ruby to do this too…”

“Sounds good to me… The more the better,” Daniel said.

****

They sat around the table with the cards in their hands.

It was Daniel, Manly-Man and Ruber Salami. Playing a game of Polish Poker (Called Golf by some…). It was their third game.

Daniel and Manly-Man were tie for first place.

And Ruber…was losing.

Daniel giggled. “I’m winning. It’s really nice.”

“Oh, shut up, will ya?” Ruber replied, annoyed. “I don’t know why I agreed to do this…eh?”

“Oh no…you’s a poor sport, Ruby,” Manly-Man said.

“Sheesh! Don’t call me that!” Ruber replied, getting angry.

“Okay,” Manly-Man replied, in a calming tone. Or…at least, it was supposed to be.

They played the hand through, Daniel laughing in pleasure through the whole thing. Then they turned their cards over.

Daniel had three of the best cards…and one of the second best. “Can’t beat that,” he said.

Ruber had four of the third best cards. “Sheesh,” he said.

Manly-Man smiled. He had four of the best cards. “Oh no, I’s won.”

“What! That’s not possible!” Daniel squeaked out. “We’re only using one deck! There can only four of those cards.”

“Nah…” Manly-Man replied. “I’s got my own deck, too.” Manly-Man held up a deck of cards.

“You cheated!” Daniel almost screamed.

“Nah…”

Ruber laughed. “Hey, Danny, I think you lost!”

“I did not! I won!” he yelled.

“Hey, Danny,” Manly-Man said, “I’s don’t think you’s very good at this game. I’s think you should go play with my scooter.”

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107 Responses to “”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 12:32

    A second deck of cards? Dadblamery!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 20:20

      Dadblamery in the highest!

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 March 27, 2015 at 13:42

        Very much so!

  2. 4 Susan P March 1, 2015 at 21:06

    How many card sharps are there in the PL?

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 12:48

      A bunch. Maybe you are, too?

      • 6 Susan P March 2, 2015 at 18:46

        No. I prefer to sit and watch and crochet.

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 19:21

        Have you ever crocheted a patriots thingy?

      • 8 Susan P March 2, 2015 at 20:17

        Um…can you be a little more specific?

      • 9 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2015 at 13:08

        *laughs* Yes…uhh…something with the Patriots emblem on it? Or a TPL emblem!

      • 10 Susan P March 3, 2015 at 20:11

        Nope, I never have. Do you think I should?

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 13:43

        Oh, I wouldn’t make you do that! What sorts of things do you put together? I think it’s rather cool.

      • 12 Susan P March 4, 2015 at 13:48

        *Hangs head* Used to make sweaters and blankets and such truck. Currently, I’m a year late on a baby blanket.

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 14:10

        See, that’s just so cool. I think my grandmother used to do that sort of thing.

      • 14 Susan P March 4, 2015 at 17:15

        I’m probably older than your grandmother.

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:59

        Oh no… Oh no no no. My grandmother is sleeping with the fishes. I’m old, remember.

      • 16 Susan P March 5, 2015 at 00:25

        How do you know that I am not a ghost?

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:38

        I can see your shadow right there!

      • 18 Susan P March 5, 2015 at 13:31

        That’s a stand in. Not me.

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 18:40

        You get stand ins? *amazed face*

      • 20 Susan P March 5, 2015 at 23:25

        Yup. Are you amazed?

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2015 at 21:34

        Verily so. Verily so.

      • 22 Susan P March 8, 2015 at 00:00

        curtsies.

  3. 23 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 26, 2015 at 21:10

    I would have played cards with Daniel. I was so sad in the beginning as he sat lonely. I laughed a lot over the sight of MM riding along with his helmet all crazy. Your story cracked me up, Nick. I could read many more of your stories, you know. Keep’em comin’!! By the end I’d lost it, as I knew that MM would be a cheater…I sorta have a soft spot for people who like to cheat during cards for fun. Danny needs to lighten up. I do wonder why the professor wasn’t playing. I suppose he’s and even poorer loser… *smiles* Tis great to see a story from you, Nick.

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 13:03

      Oh, I’m not that bad of a loser. But I would have had to cut of MM’s hands, you know. With my katana. Slice, swing!

      • 25 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 1, 2015 at 18:50

        *shocked face* Duke! *laughs* Cutting off his hands…hahaha! So dramatic. .

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 12:39

        Isn’t that what a warrior would do?

      • 27 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 2, 2015 at 21:55

        I suppose so…fiddlesticks.

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2015 at 13:13

        That is a great word. You know, I should use it.

      • 29 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 3, 2015 at 21:38

        Yes, then everyone will think you’re odd.

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 13:49

        Oh, they think that already.

    • 31 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member February 27, 2015 at 19:35

      Thanks!

  4. 32 lifeconfusions February 26, 2015 at 18:02

    Well someone doesn’t take loosing very well I guess… :P
    I hope there wasn’t much crying afterwards :P

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 13:02

      Hi! Good to see you. Oh, there probably was. Wouldn’t you think so?

      • 34 lifeconfusions February 27, 2015 at 16:41

        Thanks Mr.Professor, How have you been? :)
        I hope you didn’t cry too much while missing me ;) :D

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 19:50

        I’ve been doing good! Getting lots of snow, actually. And I saw that you were in the snow as well! Splendid, madam.

        I did! You left and you didn’t warn me! *sad professorish face*

      • 36 lifeconfusions February 28, 2015 at 13:19

        Yupss, I had a chance to marvel at some snow too! Not as much as you guys though. So Mr professor did you make any snowman or snowball fights while I was away? ;)

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke March 1, 2015 at 00:00

        Nah…but I did film a music video in sub-zero temperatures!

      • 38 lifeconfusions March 1, 2015 at 16:29

        With you starring in it?? :o

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 12:36

        Of course!

      • 40 lifeconfusions March 2, 2015 at 15:12

        Well then I must see it. Where can I find it? ;)

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 19:08

        Oh…but are you sure you want to see it? *nervous*

      • 42 lifeconfusions March 3, 2015 at 14:07

        Yup! *Evil Grin*

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2015 at 18:40

        Okay! https://thepunchylands.wordpress.com/2015/02/27/game-of-thrones-meets-classical-guitar/#comments

  5. 44 weggieboy February 26, 2015 at 15:31

    I believe Manly Man must have pulled out his canasta decks, in which case, he’d have access to eight aces (or whatever), though he’d probably play some tricks (“cheat”) to assure all eight appeared in his hand. Reminds me of why I never play cards with my sister…!

    • 45 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 13:00

      *laughs* Did your sister cheat?

  6. 46 FictionFan February 26, 2015 at 00:21

    Huh, the only way that beastly Manly-Man could have beaten my Daniel is by cheating! Well done for blowing the whistle on his nefarious wickedness, Nick! I hope he doesn’t come after you…

    • 47 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member February 26, 2015 at 20:11

      He’s quite proud of having cheated, I think.

      • 48 FictionFan February 27, 2015 at 00:01

        Why does that not surprise me? He’s a rapscallion – no wonder his helmet doesn’t fit!

    • 49 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 12:54

      I think Daniel was wearing a pink tie. You should hate him for that alone.

      • 50 FictionFan February 27, 2015 at 17:49

        Oh my! I could never hate my Daniel! I bet it looked… cute!

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 19:50

        Probably! But a guy shouldn’t be cute!!!

      • 52 FictionFan February 27, 2015 at 23:28

        Nonsense!! All the best men are cute, especially Professors! Some are even adorable… *nods decisively*

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke February 28, 2015 at 23:56

        Well…I suppose some are…but not this professor! *ugly face*

      • 54 FictionFan March 1, 2015 at 20:21

        Tchah! But I’ve seen you now so I know the truth…

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 12:44

        Isn’t the truth anything I want it to be?

      • 56 FictionFan March 2, 2015 at 18:13

        Shnoddy? Shnoddy?? Is that you…??

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 19:17

        ‘Course not! He’s on vacation again.

  7. 58 Heartafire February 25, 2015 at 21:34

    Wonderful tale, the nit is a manly-man would be on a Harley not a scooter. Is the ending a double-entendre?

    • 59 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 12:52

      But are you sure? I think you’d quite like Jazzy, but you might be surprised.

      Oh dear…what’s one of those, Hollie?

      • 60 Heartafire February 27, 2015 at 14:54

        A Harley…I will post one for you Prof. Thank you for the fine text.

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 19:41

        Yes, a double whatever that is. Yes..

      • 62 Heartafire February 27, 2015 at 19:44

        you are putting me on right…ok, I’ll buy. It’s a comment or word that can have more than one meaning. :-)

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 19:52

        Am not neither! The professor doesn’t know such things. Aha! That’s very cool then. But do you know how to pronounce it? I think I can–about ten different ways.

      • 64 Heartafire February 27, 2015 at 19:59

        we could just say double meaning…are you a polyglot?

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke February 28, 2015 at 23:42

        Who me? Oh no. How about you?

      • 66 Heartafire March 1, 2015 at 01:43

        No, I’m not. I had a friend who was a linquist, a polyglot. I wondered if you might be also.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 12:32

        Nah…I wish I could speak…I think Italian. But I speak professorish, see.

      • 68 Heartafire March 2, 2015 at 15:03

        Ich spreche ein bisschen Deutsch, un poco de español. Not so good at professorish, as you can tell. :-) Have a fine day!

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2015 at 19:07

        *mouth drops* Is that German and Spanish?

      • 70 Heartafire March 2, 2015 at 20:23

        ya

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2015 at 13:08

        You’re a gifted lady, Ms. Hollie.

      • 72 Heartafire March 3, 2015 at 14:31

        thank you Prof. D.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2015 at 18:41

        *bows and his hat falls off*

      • 74 Heartafire February 27, 2015 at 15:53

        a double entendre…?

  8. 75 Simply Skeptical February 25, 2015 at 21:29

    I’ve never heard of Polish Poker called “Golf”. Is this a PL thingy? Lots of giggles at the thought of the Manly one on a scooter. He’s my favorite – glad he won.

    • 76 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 12:51

      He didn’t win fairly, see! He was trying to be like the Colts…who cheated against the Pats. Golf…I never knew that either! Apparently, Nick knows all about it, the rat.

  9. 77 The Lite Rider February 25, 2015 at 21:12

    I’m not sure about this game. Apparently MM knew it included one’s own deck. This is something perhaps Daniel should have known? Ha, ha. Loved how MM’s helmet was crooked. Was this a motor scooter? Just curious. I bet not. Which meant maybe Daniel wouldn’t want to play with it…..

    • 78 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 12:48

      Quite right. It was a self-propelled one. Danny would definitely hate to do that! I know! What’s with MM making up his own rules? He’s so wicked.

  10. 79 Debbie February 25, 2015 at 20:10

    I never heard of Polish Poker before, so I Googled it. Sounds rather complicated. No wonder Manly-Man thought he had to cheat to win!

    But hey, at least now Daniel can take a ride on the scooter, right?! And that should be a lot more fun than playing solitaire!

    • 80 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2015 at 21:07

      Well, I used to play a bit. Of course, I was horrible at it. I think I’m horrible at cards overall. Have you ever heard of the card game Dallas?

      *laughing* Imagine him on a scooter!

      • 81 Debbie February 25, 2015 at 21:28

        I had to Google that one, too, and it sounds like great fun! Stealing is okay? Hmm, not sure if that’s a good lesson or not, ha! Domer, who’s incredibly lucky at most games, would be a formidable foe, I imagine!! I rarely had to “lose on purpose” when he was little (unless it was tennis, and I can’t count how many times he grumbled at playing against me there!!)

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 12:50

        What?! He couldn’t possibly grumble about tennis! Does he still play a bit?

      • 83 Debbie February 27, 2015 at 14:39

        Indeed, only he much prefers golf (where he can ALWAYS beat me, haha!!)

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 19:40

        Oh, I’m horrible at golf! I swing the grass out, see.

  11. 85 PorterGirl February 25, 2015 at 17:00

    Good work there, Nicholas! Always a joy to see MM at his manly best. He seemed so happy on the scooter, though. Lucky he had that extra pack of cards or Daniel would have been unbearable in victory.

    • 86 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member February 25, 2015 at 20:50

      Thanks!

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2015 at 21:08

        Hey, Nick, how come you weren’t playing cards with them?

      • 88 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member February 26, 2015 at 20:10

        I’m telling the story. I wasn’t there. I just heard about it then wrote about it.

    • 89 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2015 at 21:06

      I thought the same thing, Lucy! Imagine Daniel winning. He’s a rogue, btw.

      • 90 PorterGirl February 26, 2015 at 08:35

        Another rogue! Soon there will be a battle of the rogues, in order to establish a hierarchy.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 12:58

        I’ll win, you know.

      • 92 PorterGirl February 27, 2015 at 16:03

        Naturally. You are number one rogue.

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 19:44

        Quite right. I trained long and hard at it.

      • 94 PorterGirl February 27, 2015 at 20:29

        It shows *bows*

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke February 28, 2015 at 23:46

        *does a rouge-ish bow*

      • 96 PorterGirl February 26, 2015 at 10:33

        Another rogue! Soon there will be a battle of the rogues, to establish a hierarchy.

      • 97 PorterGirl February 26, 2015 at 15:20

        Another rogue! Goodness. There will be rogue wars soon, to establish a hierarchy

  12. 98 L. Marie February 25, 2015 at 14:14

    Because Walt mentioned Gino, I’m thinking of that song, “I Just Wanna Stop.”
    As usual, Manly-Man dresses up the occasion. Daniel should have known better than to play cards with Manly-Man, however. Of course he would cheat. Since Nicholas was there, I have to wonder why he didn’t play. Or did he?

    • 99 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2015 at 21:04

      I love that song! And…”Living inside Myself…”

      Now, that’s a very good point. I’m wondering if Nick played. Maybe he was spying? Like that dadblame squirrel!

  13. 100 walt walker February 25, 2015 at 13:38

    Now this was most interesting, but I have only two questions. The scooter – motorized or foot-propelled? I think parts of the story hinge on the answer, don’t you? Also, to what degree does Gino Vanelli influence the game? And were he not referenced, would things have happened differently?

    • 101 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2015 at 21:01

      *laughs* Oh, that’s right…I forgot I put him in the tags. Well…I think Gino is something of a luck charm. If you think about him while you play, you get better cards.

      I’d say it was foot-propelled. Have you ever ridden a scooter like that?

      • 102 walt walker February 26, 2015 at 17:22

        Yes. I have one. My mother got one for each of my girls. And one for me too so I could ride with them. Isn’t that a wonder?

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 13:01

        *laughing lots* I’d ride, if I had one. Now the question is: do you like to ride or do you find it unmanly?

      • 104 walt walker February 27, 2015 at 14:09

        If there is a manly way to do it, it’s lost on me, I think.

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 19:39

        *laughing lots and lots* I know. Time to get yourself a motorcycle–that is, if your wife will allow it.

      • 106 walt walker February 27, 2015 at 14:10

        But it’s black and has flames, so that’s good.

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke February 27, 2015 at 19:39

        Well, that ups the manly part.


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