Debate on the Happiness of a Tree

The professor was in a food court.

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It looked a bit like this, only the signs were more readable. Maybe they had just been redone.

Anyway, I was sitting with Dr. Purdue Whitaker (head doctor at Crackjaw) and Dr. Zauberer.

And they were debating.

“See here,” Dr. Zauberer said, flinging a bit of lettuce into the air with his fork, “trees are much happier in their tall state.”

He meant in their natural state, I’m thinking.

Dr. Purdue shook his head, flopping his floppy gray hair around. “No, no, and many more of that same exclamation! Trees are much happier when they’re guitars, and can make music. You see, trees are happiest when they can bring joy to humans. And guitars bring joy to humans.”

Dr. Zauberer made a face. “Haha! Your premise is wrong, my man! However can you hope to have a good point when your premise is wrong? When I heard your wrong premise, I rejoiced inside.”

Dr. Purdue adjusted his glasses and squinted his eyes. “What premise?”

“That guitars bring joy to humans!” Dr. Zauberer threw another piece of lettuce into the air, but I caught it this time.

It didn’t taste good.

“But they do!” Dr. Purdue insisted.

Dr. Zauberer shook his head. “The last time I heard a guitar, I think it broke my eardrums.”

Now Dr. Purdue laughed in triumph. “But a guitar that breaks your eardrums isn’t made from wood!”

That stopped Dr. Zauberer. “What’s it made from, then?”

Dr. Purdue threw up his hands. “I don’t know…fiberglass?!”

“Ohhhhhhhhh….” And Dr. Zauberer folded his hands and thought.

Dr. Purdue looked at me. “Yes, trees are happier as guitars.”

“Wow…” was all I could manage.

“What’s that mean?” Dr. Purdue wiped his gray bangs from his head, but I’m not sure why he bothered: they just flopped back again.

“Well,” I answered, “I’ve always wondered what a discussion between two doctors would be like. Now I know.”

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181 Responses to “Debate on the Happiness of a Tree”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 March 24, 2015 at 15:32

    I think you may have been at the food court I work in. On a Saturday afternoon, when it’s busiest. (Did I mention I really dislike my job?)
    Anyway, I think trees are happier when they’re trees, and guitars are happier when they’re guitars… and happiest when they’re being played. I play one, you see. From time to time.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 20:17

      *laughing* What place do you work for? Food courts can be nice…

      You need to play more often! How about…5 hours a day?

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 01:21

        A place where everyone is much wealthier than I am, I’m sad to say. It’s a very posh area of town, but for some inexplicable reason I get more people who dress like hippies than people who can afford the ridiculously-expensive smoothies.
        Unfortunately, if I did that, then I would not be doing anything but that… and going to work. And sometimes classes. I still should practice more.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 12:01

        What an interest! You should cause a general ruckus. I think they may appreciate it, overall, that is.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 12:13

        I prefer causing a subtle ruckus… You see, we have this dadblame bell thing that says “Ring for Service.” And one time, I came to the register before the customer could hit it. (I don’t like the bell much, you see.) And he asked if he could ring it anyway. So I said, “Oh, you could, but it might wake up our hamster… he’s sleeping in the back room.” And he believed me! Which was an interest. But it was a fib, you see. And a prank. And funny. I had to tell him that there was really no hamster there, though, because it would not have been sanitary and I’m not supposed to start rumors, you know. Still, it was fun.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 20:17

        *laughing lots* How wicked and ingenious of you! I would’ve rung it only twice–promise.

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 March 27, 2015 at 13:40

        Well, that’s all right then. And we got a bell that doesn’t sound so annoying now.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2015 at 13:53

        *rings it*

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 March 29, 2015 at 23:56

        *rings it right back* :-P

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke March 30, 2015 at 12:14

        Aha! A challenge! *does it twice more*

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 March 30, 2015 at 12:29

        *hides it under the counter* Heehee… >:-D

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke March 30, 2015 at 19:40

        Oh rats and a heifer!

      • 13 erinkenobi2893 March 31, 2015 at 11:36

        *pulls out handbells from choir* Here, these are better. Shall we practice ringing out a toll? :-)

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2015 at 12:04

        Yes! Or Venom. I hear he hates bells, too.

      • 15 erinkenobi2893 March 31, 2015 at 21:17

        But not the door kind! *begins ringing out a chime* I’m a tad out of practice.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2015 at 22:12

        You sound fine!

      • 17 erinkenobi2893 April 1, 2015 at 00:26

        Thank you… *smiles* I was worried I was too out-of-practice.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2015 at 18:21

        You’re good, for sure.

      • 19 erinkenobi2893 April 2, 2015 at 16:26

        Thank you. *slips down the hallways like a shadow, humming the “Mission Impossible” theme* Sometimes, if you act crazy enough, you won’t be noticed. Besides, Hawkeye does this all the time, so people don’t take any notice anyway. :-P

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2015 at 12:54

        *follows* I hope you know what you’re doing.

      • 21 erinkenobi2893 April 3, 2015 at 13:15

        I’m pretty sure I do. (Do you think the Poetry Class draft should go up on my blog now???

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2015 at 22:25

        Sure thing! Whenever you’d like.

      • 23 erinkenobi2893 April 7, 2015 at 16:22

        Okay. :-D I’ll post it when I can. :-)

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2015 at 17:38

        *fist thingy*

      • 25 erinkenobi2893 April 7, 2015 at 17:40

        balalalalalala! :-P

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2015 at 17:41

        *laughs*

      • 27 erinkenobi2893 April 7, 2015 at 18:13

        Have you seen Big Hero Six yet? ;-)

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2015 at 12:15

        *hangs head* I have not…

      • 29 erinkenobi2893 April 8, 2015 at 12:29

        Go watch it! It gets a bit dark in a few places, for a Disney film, but it’s very watchable. It deals with the themes of family in a different way from “The Incredibles”, but it’s definitely a family movie. ;-)

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke April 9, 2015 at 11:54

        *nods* I’ll keep my eyes open for it. It sounds like a goody.

      • 31 erinkenobi2893 April 9, 2015 at 11:55

        It is! :-D

  2. 32 Jackie March 10, 2015 at 11:19

    Shameful! No one wants to talk about the issue that exists amongst birds that visit trees that yield berries. No one wants to talk about how the birds get intoxicated when those berries ferment. Have you ever seen a drunk bird? It’s not a pretty sight. :-/

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 23:22

      Birds get drunk, Jackie?

      • 34 Jackie March 11, 2015 at 09:29

        Yes! If they eat fermented berries.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke March 11, 2015 at 21:51

        Huh. I never knew that at all. What a wonder.

      • 36 Jackie March 11, 2015 at 21:53

        Indeed!

  3. 37 Hazy March 7, 2015 at 09:07

    An interesting conversation about trees turning to guitars! Those doctors need to get out and converse more.

    I wonder, is there a specific kind of tree that tends to be made into guitars more often than the others. If the guitar is played badly, do you think the tree would be a bit sad?

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2015 at 00:22

      They do! They should talk about shots or something!

      I think it could be. Well, ebony is often used for fingerboards. And spruce or cedar for the tops!

      • 39 Hazy March 9, 2015 at 02:35

        Interesting. Makes sense with ebony. But now I’m reminded of a piano *laughs*

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 00:52

        Good point! A grand.

  4. 41 The Lite Rider March 6, 2015 at 21:31

    Yikes. Remind me to avoid witnessing such … debates . Especially in a food court. I might be tempted to buy something goopy, trip, and spill it on one of these doctors. :)

    • 42 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2015 at 21:37

      *laughs* And get it all in Purdue’s hair. That would be hilarious to see. He might very cranky, but he’d deserve it. I think Dr. Z probably makes more sense–usually, but after this conversation, I’m not so sure anymore.

  5. 43 John W. Howell March 4, 2015 at 22:59

    I’m here to speak about poor endangered fiberglass. Do we know if they are happier as guitars, boats of even insulation? I doubt it I suspect they would want to stay in rods, ribbons or sheets forever.

    • 44 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 00:10

      This comment is tops! *laughing lots* Well…but however can they have a say in the matter?

      • 45 John W. Howell March 5, 2015 at 01:20

        They can’t. That’s why they hired me.

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:41

        I hope you get a nice cut of the profits–if there are any.

      • 47 John W. Howell March 5, 2015 at 13:57

        All the fiberglass I can carry.

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 18:42

        Now the question is: what do you do with it?

  6. 49 Susan P March 4, 2015 at 22:39

    I think you should write a post about a ukulele while you sing a song about a paper moon.

    • 50 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 00:09

      Sings: “It’s only a paper moon…”

      • 51 Susan P March 5, 2015 at 00:28

        Cool. That was a fun movie.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:39

        It’s from a movie? I fear I just know the song.

      • 53 Susan P March 5, 2015 at 13:36

        Ryan and Tatum O’Neal.
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paper_Moon_(film)

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 18:41

        Now that is neatio.

      • 55 Susan P March 5, 2015 at 23:56

        Now you have to watch the movie. :D

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2015 at 21:34

        Is it good?

      • 57 Susan P March 7, 2015 at 23:58

        It is good. Keeps you on the run with them.

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2015 at 00:26

        See, I like the sound of it.

      • 59 Susan P March 9, 2015 at 11:50

        Do you have a rear view window so you can stay ahead?

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 01:02

        Alas…I don’t.

      • 61 Susan P March 10, 2015 at 14:47

        Well, it probably would you no help at all.

  7. 62 desertdweller29 March 4, 2015 at 20:56

    Dr. Purdue sounds like he needs a hair cut. His bangs are quite distracting. And Dr. Zauberer sounds like he needs more protein in his diet. What is he? A giraffe? Say….What kind of doctors are these doctors? I think the Professor should have brought out his guitar and jammed right over this rubbish! Show ’em what trees are supposed to sound like. Then treat ’em to steak and beans.

    • 63 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 00:08

      *laughing lots* That’s the spirt, DD! I love the part about their speaks being rubbish. I think Dr. Z might be a giraffe of sorts. Are giraffes clumsy?

      • 64 desertdweller29 March 5, 2015 at 00:42

        Yes, I believe so. Clumsy and loud chewers. Did he have any manners? That would be a dead giveaway!

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:40

        Not much of any. But he did like to use his napkin, I think.

      • 66 desertdweller29 March 5, 2015 at 15:10

        Must have been wearing that puffy shirt with the built in napkin. I still say he’s part giraffe. And maybe part Darcy.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 18:47

        Oh, but he’d dance. Now the question is: would you dance with him, DD?

      • 68 desertdweller29 March 5, 2015 at 21:21

        As a rule, I do not dance with anyone who insists on flinging lettuce. Rules are rules!

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2015 at 21:23

        So you don’t ascribe to the “rules are made to be broken” thingy?

      • 70 desertdweller29 March 6, 2015 at 22:06

        It depends on the rule. Lettuce flinging is a strict rule, you see. I’ve come across many of these offenders. Strangely they’re always in a food court of some sort . . . Moral: Stay away from food courts or be prepared to duck.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2015 at 00:12

        *laughing* It’s a good idea. Food courts are usually so…well…you must admit, they’re neatio at times. I think I’ll have a bd party some time there. For you!

  8. 72 icedmocha34 March 4, 2015 at 19:16

    I’m reading this book called Algebra the Easy Way that reminds me of the Professor…do you write math books also??

    • 73 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 00:08

      No, just music books as of now… Does he say “dadblameit”?

      • 74 icedmocha34 March 5, 2015 at 23:16

        hmm, i dunno, i haven’t gotten that far… it is math, after all…

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2015 at 21:31

        No, I don’t write torture books, promise!

      • 76 icedmocha34 March 9, 2015 at 22:31

        PHEW!!!!!!

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 01:25

        Phew indeed. Imagine! The very thought depresses me like a slug.

      • 78 icedmocha34 March 10, 2015 at 21:08

        XD

  9. 79 Simply Skeptical March 4, 2015 at 19:10

    Well now how would a tree choose if he/she had the option of an oboe vs a guitar? I know if I were a tree and had to be cut down mind you, since I’d most prefer remaining a living tree, I’d want to be musical as opposed to being a chair sat on all day. Unfortunately, I don’t think these poor giants get a say in the matter. How sad is that!?!

    • 80 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 00:06

      Well, I suppose they should evolve some mouths. Don’t you think that’d help them have a bit of say? Here’s the thing: if a thingy wants a voice, he should wait for a billion years or so and develop a mouth. Then–let loose!

      • 81 Simply Skeptical March 5, 2015 at 11:20

        If a tree falls in a forest and there is no one around does it make a sound? (Did I say that right?)

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:52

        Of course it makes a sound. The sound waves still oscillate, see. Even if no one is there.

  10. 83 floridaborne March 4, 2015 at 17:40

    I think trees enjoy being guitars as much as humans enjoy being tree stumps. :-)

    • 84 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:59

      That’s big. Do humans enjoy that sort of thing?

      • 85 floridaborne March 5, 2015 at 07:32

        Ya know….I’m stumped by it all.

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:49

        *laughing* Then there’s no hope for me, is there?

  11. 87 Angeline M March 4, 2015 at 17:09

    I bet if there were tacos being served Dr. Z wouldn’t have thrown lettuce up in the air.

    • 88 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:58

      You do have a point. Aren’t tacos just tasty?

  12. 89 L. Marie March 4, 2015 at 16:12

    I’m wondering why Dr. Zauberer kept flinging lettuce into the air while talking about lettuce. Does he think lettuce comes from trees like double samaras (the helicopter seeds) come from maple trees? If so, did you explain that it doesn’t?

    • 90 L. Marie March 4, 2015 at 16:13

      Sorry. I just realized how nonsensical that first sentence is. What I meant was, “I’m wondering why Dr. Zauberer kept flinging lettuce into the air while talking about TREES.” There. That’s better.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:57

        *laughing*

    • 92 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:57

      Well, I don’t think he meant to do it. Then again, he might have been doing it for show. Double samaras! Is that what they’re called? A wonder, madam! A wonder.

      • 93 L. Marie March 5, 2015 at 15:29

        Yes. That’s what they’re called. Now I’m imagining them with twin blades, whirling through the air like samurai.

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 18:49

        Me too. I love those things. Besides, they usually accompany sneezing, you know.

  13. 95 Debbie March 4, 2015 at 16:02

    While it’s sad that trees have to be sacrificed to make guitars (and books — don’t forget them!), I think they just might be pleased to be chosen for such an important function! I mean, if you were a tree, wouldn’t you like knowing you were providing comfort in the form of music to somebody? Better that, than simply being chopped down because you happened to grow in the wrong spot or something.

    As for these two quacks, I’m a bit surprised you deigned to eat a meal in public with them — here you are, a noble professor, and they’re tossing lettuce around?? Even their patients must question their sanity!!

    Oh, and I’m with ^Audrey^ — what did you find to eat at the mall?

    • 96 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:56

      Very good point! Most trees would appreciate being played by a guitar player. Unless you’re a sappy tree, of course. Would you rather–if you were a tree, mind you–would you rather be a book or guitar?

      *laughing* I know! Well…I’m not that noble of a professor.

      I scraped some stuff off the floor.

  14. 97 lifeconfusions March 4, 2015 at 15:20

    Wow…uhemmm *raises hand* A doctor here! *Awkward silence*

    • 98 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:53

      You’re a doctor?

      • 99 lifeconfusions March 14, 2015 at 11:01

        On my way to be one.. ;)

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke March 14, 2015 at 19:05

        Good for you! What sort of one?

      • 101 lifeconfusions March 21, 2015 at 11:16

        Doctor of Physiotherapy :)

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke March 22, 2015 at 18:37

        Well, that sounds awesome!

  15. 103 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 4, 2015 at 15:08

    This post is full of all of my favorite things, Duketh. Trees, guitars and men arguing about important facts! Wow. I’d never thought of a tree as a guitar, but tis a lively thought and I’d wished I’d have come up with it myself. Are you kidding me?! Guitars are made of trees? *stunned face* I think I only want the sick trees to be made into guitars. Maybe that way they live forever. *sparkles*

    Loud guitars are not worthy of my listening ears. I need them to be awesome and amazing, but not loud. Maybe that is why I’ve never seen a hard rock concert live.

    What did you eat in that busy food court..something nasty, I bet.

    • 104 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:53

      But if you do that…won’t you have sick guitars? Imagine! The neck would droop a bit here. Break off there. And totally run sap over your fingers here. Of course, it’d be nasty to play, too. No, we must take the healthy strong ones!

      Really? Well…what about Slash?

      I just got something to drink and sat down. Looks nasty, doesn’t it?

      • 105 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 5, 2015 at 03:13

        Not necessarily, Duketh. The tree isn’t sick all over, probably. Just in bits and pieces, which is why you should only use those. One shan’t cut down the tree that helps me breathe. *snarl* Plus you like having sticky fingers. You eat sticky cherries all the time. And a droopy neck on a guitar sounds cool. *laughs at your descriptions*

        What about Slash? I’ve not heard him live, but if I did my last remark can be stricken from the record.

        Sorta…those places kinda gag me out. But you should have eaten, I think.

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:43

        Well…in that case. I don’t think we should cut the grass either–without express permission. I mean, trees and grass are cousins. Did you know that? I actually haven’t had a cherry in a long while. *pouts about it*

        But you told me you did see him live…

        No! I didn’t want to it. I mean…just look at it!

      • 107 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 5, 2015 at 20:42

        Humph! But we must cut the grass and it grows much quicker and we use the cuttings for other important things. Food for instance! I didn’t know they were cousins, but is see a family resemblance. However, the trees are fat and the grass quite slim. I wonder why the difference?

        I’m sorry you haven’t had a cherry. Someone should buy you one..I would if I were closer. *pats your head*

        Did I? Or did I say I saw him live? As in stood with and next to him and his friends at the Kentucky Derby a few years ago.. cause I did do that…

        I don’t blame you. I bet the tables were sticky, as well.

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2015 at 21:23

        But don’t you think the grass cries when you cut it? That’s why lawn mowers are so loud–so we can’t hear them crying out. Well…maybe trees are successful grasses?

        *laughs* Hey, now, none of that! *rampages*

        That’s even cooler! Did you shake his hand? Guess you did!

        And plumy.

      • 109 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 6, 2015 at 21:55

        I’m not having this conversation with you…lol. Grass cryin’? Reminds me of my college roomate who insisted the animal crackers I ate were crying out…
        *laughs too much* Is that why lawn mowers are loud?! I love the idea of trees being successful grasses. You’re very imaginative.

        *watches* What is wrong with you?

        No, I didn’t shake his hand. I was too nervous. I did smile at him a lot.

        How nice.

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2015 at 00:08

        *laughing too* I remember about that roomate! He/she must’ve been a bit whacked. Oh, yes, I’ve tried to think on why they’re loud…maybe to scare the bugs. So they don’t get crushed. Bug funerals are a messy ordeal.

        *collects self* Nothing much. I’m feeling plumy.

        -_- I would’ve made you do it!

        Plumy is not nice!

      • 111 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 9, 2015 at 03:45

        She was very limited in her experiences, for sure. I think she read too many books. Do bugs have ears? Can they hear a mower coming? Hmm… How do you know so much about bug funerals?

        Why are you feeling plumy? What happened?

        I would have done it for you.

        Tell me why.

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 00:55

        I’m the opposite of her–I don’t read any books! Well, bugs have to hear somehow. Bet they have ears in their feet. I used to be a bug, you know. That’s how.

        I’m not sure. It’s sticky-like in the brain. That’s what plumy is.

        I think I would’ve worn his hat.

        Well, just ’cause…

      • 113 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 10, 2015 at 20:50

        So you would make a good roomate, is this your argument? Yes, I have heard that rubbing their feet is one way. How does one run and listen at the same time, then?

        Oh…you have a sticky brain?

        Would have been nice.

        No. There’s a reason…I smell it.

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 23:38

        Me? Well…depends. I bet the other person wouldn’t like me much. I’d run the room like an army camp, I’m thinking. *laughs* Good point! Bugs are weird. And crunchy.

        Oh yes. All the time.

        I bet it’s dirty!

        Well, my fingers are so sore, and I’m sick of practicing!

      • 115 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 11, 2015 at 03:20

        Nothing wrong with an army camp, if you’re sweet about it. Bugs are weird and you shouldn’t eat them. Ever.

        Duke…you work too hard.

        I know, but you’d look good wearing it.

        Take a break! There must be something you can do…

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke March 11, 2015 at 21:44

        I hear they’re hight in protein, though.

        But I feel like I can’t take a break. I’m so behind. Need lots of practice.

        Well, I would have put some sort of sauce in his hat. Just to mess with him.

      • 117 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 12, 2015 at 01:24

        Yuck. You eat bugs?

        *hands you an ice pack* There must be an easier way…

        So you’d get us thrown out and possibly miss a chance to say Hello. I don’t think you want me following guitarists.

      • 118 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 16:20

        No, I never have. Yet.

        Yeah…dying, I think. *laughs*

        Yes, we’d get thrown out. Nah, we both know I’m way better than he is!

      • 119 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 12, 2015 at 19:59

        Gross. I won’t watch you neither.

        Won’t do. Won’t do one bit. *snarls*

        Yes, we do. Take that to the bank, Sir. ♡

      • 120 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 20:33

        Yeah, me neither.

        Well…an ideas?

        What will I do with it at the bank?

      • 121 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 12, 2015 at 21:12

        Maybe…

        Put yourself in a special keeping box, maybe.

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 11:39

        Naw…then I’d never get to fight~!

      • 123 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 13, 2015 at 16:19

        And you need to do that, huh. *smiles*

      • 124 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 20:31

        I would probably lose my heart all over again if I didn’t.

      • 125 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 13, 2015 at 22:12

        You mean to tell me you’ve found your heart?

      • 126 Professor VJ Duke March 14, 2015 at 18:56

        Yes…but it’s dead.

      • 127 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 14, 2015 at 22:14

        ….blink….blink….blink…

      • 128 Professor VJ Duke March 15, 2015 at 23:43

        I know: it’s a wonder.

      • 129 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 16, 2015 at 02:36

        Just as you are, huh?

      • 130 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:21

        Neither no! I live.

      • 131 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 17, 2015 at 04:23

        Oh. I’m spinning, aren’t I?? Be honest. I think I’ve seen this picture before. And that doorway. And that chair…

      • 132 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 21:59

        But where? Where have you seen it?

      • 133 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 18, 2015 at 00:10

        Somewhere. ..I think.

  16. 134 FictionFan March 4, 2015 at 14:41

    I’m so pleased that Crackjaw takes its inmates out for day trips!! And that Dr Purdue himself should go along! It’s a pity they didn’t let Smiles come too, but perhaps that would have doubled the security risk… especially with all the… similarities…

    Now Dr Purdue is clearly a man of discriminating wit! Guitars bring great joy to humans and clearly any tree would feel honoured to participate. No doubt this is why trees like to bang the Professor’s head – just trying to draw his attention to them in the hopes he will chop them down and guitarize them. *nods understandingly* Fibreglass guitars serve a purpose too – they’re brilliant for bashing over the heads of lettuce-flinging Doctors! You should have tried it…

    I’m also thrilled that the Professor managed not to flirt with the girls in the picture! *narrows eyes* Unless he’s just not telling the whole story…

    • 135 Susan P March 4, 2015 at 22:37

      My my FF, such a violent response.

      • 136 FictionFan March 4, 2015 at 23:24

        The Professor has corrupted me…

      • 137 Susan P March 4, 2015 at 23:28

        He does go about beating people (and women I heard) frequently.

      • 138 FictionFan March 4, 2015 at 23:30

        *nods sadly* …with femurs…

      • 139 Susan P March 4, 2015 at 23:30

        What do you suppose drove him to it?

      • 140 FictionFan March 4, 2015 at 23:34

        Cherryade, I’d suspect… *shakes head sadly this time just for a bit of variety*

      • 141 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 00:11

        Ooo, I haven’t had that in too long. *goes in search*

      • 142 Susan P March 5, 2015 at 00:12

        Alas poor Professor. I knew him well.

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:35

        What? Aren’t I allowed to have any?

      • 144 Susan P March 5, 2015 at 13:25

        It’s not that. Just sad, really.

      • 145 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 18:37

        I’m going to rampage!

      • 146 Susan P March 5, 2015 at 23:20

        Put it on a disk and use it as a video!

      • 147 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2015 at 21:31

        You want to see that?

      • 148 Susan P March 8, 2015 at 00:06

        I DO want to see that. And also Deliverance.

      • 149 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2015 at 00:28

        I wanna see that, too.

      • 150 Susan P March 9, 2015 at 11:55

        Well, at your age, you should be able to do whatever you want. I mean, you know you could keel over at any moment

      • 151 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 01:05

        How old am I again?

      • 152 Susan P March 10, 2015 at 14:55

        Older than Orpheus and younger than Agamemnon.

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 23:28

        Orpheus…wasn’t that a lizard?

      • 154 Susan P March 11, 2015 at 00:04

        Naw. He was the crazy dude who chased someone into the under world.

    • 155 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:50

      Hey now! This professor isn’t an inmate. I just happened to be philandering about the food court, see.

      *laughing lots and lots* We’re approaching the 1st anniversary of that tree banging my head incident. I haven’t done anything else since…that I can recall. Have you ever flung lettuce across the room? It’s something I’d like to try at a fancy party. I wouldn’t hit Dr. Z!

      I wouldn’t flirt! And then tell!!!

      • 156 FictionFan March 5, 2015 at 16:11

        Aha! Philandering about hoping to meet Amelia *spits*, I assume! Or perhaps your fickle heart doesn’t need a specific woman – any will do, huh? In an emergency.

        *laughs lots* We should throw an anniversary party! We’d need to invite the tree though! And you should probably wear a hard hat…

        I haven’t, but it sounds like fun! Only, lettuce is so… flimsy, it might not go very far. Carrots! We should throw carrots! *nods decisively* True, it might affect your release date…

        *gasps* Oh, you’ve become so, so wicked! That’s what happens when you mingle with man-eating minxes, you know, you know…

      • 157 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 18:53

        Now wait a minute, young lady! This professor is an honorable chap. I didn’t even know the p word until you said it, you should know. And when I’m unlucky enough to see Amelia, it’s the farthest thing from my mind to flirt with her. There? How’s that?

        I think I should plop a knife into him for the party!

        I’d try to catch the carrots. I love those things. Don’t you? You should say yes. What release date?

        Man-eating minx…sounds very dreadful. But I’m more powerful, promise.

      • 158 FictionFan March 5, 2015 at 21:57

        Oh, how I wish I could believe you. Though I grant you that she’s the real villain, the manstealing little cabbagehead! We just have to work on your resistance…

        Revenge! *nods understandingly*

        I adore carrots so much that occasionally I wonder if I’m a rabbit. From Crackjaw…

        She is dreadful! And don’t forget it just ‘cos she flutters at you!

      • 159 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2015 at 21:26

        My resistance is about A+! Warriors can’t fall in love, don’t worry. We’re heartless, remember.

        *laughing* I love carrots, too. I bet you’re orange!

        Well, she can’t harm me!

      • 160 FictionFan March 7, 2015 at 17:32

        That makes you sound like a battery! Huh! She’s probably working on a way to undermine your warriorness…

        *gasps and throws out her entire carrot collection*

      • 161 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2015 at 00:24

        Everyone has tried. Menalaus once spent 10 years trying to do so; he failed.

        Don’t do that! They’re good for you, I’m thinking.

  17. 162 PorterGirl March 4, 2015 at 14:25

    Now, this is exactly why two doctors should not be allowed to converse unchecked. If more doctors try to join in, some must be shot. The relationship between trees and guitars is interesting – I think if a tree is home to many birds who sing sweetly, the guitars made from them will retain some of that audio joy. If a tree has no birds, or birds that make nasty noises, then the guitars will not sound so good. That’s my theory.

    • 163 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2015 at 23:41

      *laughing* I like the part about some of them being shot. It made my head swim, to be honest with you, Lucy.

      What a great theory! I say, you’re right. Ugly guitars–ugly sounding, that is–probably have owls in the trees! Owls are nasty, I hear.

      • 164 Debbie March 5, 2015 at 00:36

        Aargh, I love owls!! They’re very cute, in a stern sort of way. And very wise-looking, too. Nasty? Nah! They help balance the food chain by getting rid of rodents.

      • 165 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:40

        But have you seen their talons? I think they try to regularly scalp people, you know.

      • 166 PorterGirl March 5, 2015 at 06:11

        Owls can spin their heads right around and if that isn’t a sign of evil I don’t know what is. Owls should be doctors, or the other way round.
        If the tree had monkeys living in it – imagine the sound from that! I think if it has sloths then it would make a good blues guitar.

      • 167 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 12:47

        Quite right! That must be a sign of evil. (I must admit, though, I wish I could do that!)

        *laughs* Sloths! That would be hilarious. And monkeys. That would be a loud guitar, for sure.

      • 168 PorterGirl March 5, 2015 at 13:08

        Head-swivelling would be handy, especially whilst sneaking around places.
        I really want a monkey-wood guitar, now!

      • 169 Professor VJ Duke March 5, 2015 at 18:33

        It would be! And imagine how effective that would if one was caught!

        Me too! The sounds would be fabulous. Press it here to get that, and there to get this.

      • 170 PorterGirl March 5, 2015 at 20:06

        Imagine! This is a skill I need to master, I think.
        Someone should invent one very quickly! I need it, now.

      • 171 Professor VJ Duke March 6, 2015 at 21:15

        What you play it for Head Porter? I think he might adopt it.

      • 172 PorterGirl March 8, 2015 at 21:09

        I think I might, you know. I could teach him a few chords or something. He seems to fancy himself as a rock star.

      • 173 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2015 at 00:28

        He does. I bet you could teach him all sorts of cool things…and the bass!

      • 174 PorterGirl March 9, 2015 at 05:58

        I need to teach him to behave himself with the ladies! Naughty Head Porter.

      • 175 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 00:57

        He is. He might not be able to understand them.

      • 176 PorterGirl March 10, 2015 at 06:15

        We are tricksy creatures, certainly!

      • 177 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 10:57

        But the professor is more tricksy!

      • 178 PorterGirl March 10, 2015 at 11:06

        Somehow, I think you may be right. Tricksy… but with beautiful pants! Aha!

      • 179 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2015 at 23:18

        *laughs* Nooooo! I fear I will never outlive that…rats.

      • 180 PorterGirl March 11, 2015 at 06:06

        Never!

      • 181 Professor VJ Duke March 11, 2015 at 21:48

        *bangs head on desk*


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