The Royal Ball

As soon as this professor strolled through the doors at King Arthur’s Royal Ball, one thing became dreadfully apparent: they were dancing.


Yes, this is Versailles. King Arthur uprooted it, and took it back to England.

Not all the guests, but most.

And this professor doesn’t dance, you know.

Most warriors don’t. How can one dance with a katana? Of course, I didn’t have my katana, but warriors don’t partake in girlish activities, see.

Dancing is not girlish, you might argue.

Why kid yourself, I ask?

Anyways and all the ways, they were twirling about, and this professor made his way to the punch table. That’s always the safest place to go. And it’s also a good test for the evening.

Good Punch = Good Party

Bad Punch = Bad Party

Before this professor had a chance to sample things, Mr. Ratherquite and his two ladies appeared.

He was out of breath.

Must’ve been dancing.

“I say, sir!” he said.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Can you please, sir, dance with one of my ladies? See, sir, I can’t dance with both at the same time, sir!!!”

I suppose it was a noble gesture on his part, trying to find a match for his one lady…but shouldn’t that have been taken in to account?

And Mr. Ratherquite was still a bit red in the face (some of us are not in shape, see) when I asked: “Mr. Ratherquite, I don’t mean to be professorish, but…shouldn’t you have thought about that before you purchased two ladies?”

The question hit home.

Mr. Ratherquite’s face puckered up. “How dare you!”

The ladies let out little shocked gasps as well.

“Worm!” the red-haired lady said.

“Dumb vagebond worm!” the blond-haired lady said, with a shake of her curls. (They look like pudding at times, truly.)

I bowed, and Mr. Ratherquite knocked my hat off.

That wasn’t nice.

“You’re so violent,” I said. “How come?”

“You insulted my ladies—” he began, but I cut him off.

“No. You did. The least you could have done was duplicate yourself and dance with both of them.”

I ducked as the blond-haired lady swung.

I think she ended up hitting Mr. Ratherquite. That made him even more cranky.

And that’s when it happened: I made a mistake. I can’t stress enough how costly mistakes are in war…

Oh well. Even the best warriors do commit them at times.

I dropped a purple ring.

You see, it wasn’t my purple ring; it was King Arthur’s.

But when I found it on his floor, it looked very dusty and all that jazz…so I didn’t see his initials on it till later. I think Lionel Howard saw me leave the castle with it. I wasn’t stealing… Once I found out about the ring, I was going to return it. As a matter of fact, that’s why I came to this party.

But now it was dropped.

And Mr. Ratherquite saw it drop.

Then the brute did the meanest thing: he kicked it—into the middle of the dance floor!

And without a second’s hesitation, he and the ladies returned to the dance floor, doing some sort of strange triple dance. I don’t recommend it. Not only is it bad form, it causes nightmares.

Now, of course, this professor wasn’t about to run out into the middle of the floor… (A busy dance floor is worse than a busy intersection–and more dangerous.)

LottieOllie showed up at that exact moment. Mark Malone (I always spot him; the blue suit, see) was lagging back a bit, keeping guard.

Tonight, LottieOllie’s hair style was short. And it was black. She had gray eyes. I never saw someone with gray eyes before. And she looked very cranky, being all dressed in black-spy form-fitting clothes.

I tried to move away, but I couldn’t without causing an incident.

“The ring,” she said. “I know you have it.”

She was too close.

“Don’t do not neither either!” I said, a bit too excited. “It’s out there on the floor!” And I pointed.

Now, don’t you know, at that exact moment, Prince Beef—who was dancing with Princess Gertrude (who is Schwarz Tauptinker’s sister; yes, this is too much history)—well, Prince Beef…he stepped right on the ring.

Even with all the music, I heard the little:


And everyone heard the shriek.

“Malediction!” Prince Beef screamed, bellowed, yelled, burst forth, and screamed.

That stopped the dancing cold.

Immediately, Lottie took off, after the ring, I presume.

And that’s when this professor began his getaway.

But Amelia stopped me at the door.

Now, I know I’ve never described Amelia…and I apologize for that.

I must make amends.

Amelia isn’t tall; she isn’t short. Amelia doesn’t have long hair; she doesn’t have short either. Her eyes are shrouded in black, so it’s difficult to tell the color. She was wearing a fluffy tiger dress that some women seem to wear frequently.

(In fact, you can always spot those women at parties. Don’t you judge me, you know exactly what I mean!)

“VC…” she said. “A pity about the party…I wanted to…dance.”

“All’s well,” I said. “See, Mr. Ratherquite most definitely could not add another lady anyway. He was busy with two, see.”


130 Responses to “The Royal Ball”

  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 March 24, 2015 at 14:09

    Oh dear! What confustication! 0_0 I hope you escaped safely, Professor!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 20:13

      I did! But it was close!

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 01:17

        That’s a good thing. Perhaps I should go as an envoy to explain to King Arthur that it was all a confustication and bizarrement. In a word, a mistake. After all, he has no prisons that can hold me! *grins*

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 11:59

        That’s absolutely true. But he might want to hire you if you do that, see.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 12:10

        I would reply mysteriously, “I already have my own employers”, before disappearing. :-P

  2. 6 Hazy March 15, 2015 at 11:26

    That’s a rather fancy ballroom!

    Did the blond-haired lady try to punch you? Well, she wasn’t acting very ladylike if she did.

    I can’t imagine a fluffy tiger dress… What I seem to be imagining is it sort of looks like Tigger from Pooh, but fluffier. Poor tiger, or Tigger. I think… I think Amelia fancies the professor a bit. Or maybe a lot. I can’t really tell with her eyes shrouded in black.

    • 7 Professor VJ Duke March 15, 2015 at 23:48

      It is! Bet it has worms.

      She did! But I ducked. Imagine!

      Really? And I thought everyone would know what a tiger dress was…are you sure? Do you suppose she does? I feared this.

      • 8 Hazy March 16, 2015 at 15:26

        Worms in the ballroom! They’re squishy and kinda creep me out with their wiggling. I hope there wasn’t any in the punch.

        I’m not a fan of animal-print clothing, maybe that’s why I’m clueless? *laughs* Was that what the tiger dress is?

        Oh, I’m about 94.58% sure that Amelia fancies the professor. Are you going to do anything about this fear?

      • 9 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:32

        Oh, thankfully there wasn’t. *sigh or relief* They’re kinda cool animals. Overall.

        I think it is, yes. I’m not a fan either. It’s all very hideous, I’m thinking.

        She does? Well…I don’t know! What can I do? You must know.

      • 10 Hazy March 17, 2015 at 12:48

        Good to hear that! They’re good for the soil, I hear.

        Indeed! I’ve never worn one.

        Hmm… ho-hum… Avoid her, perhaps? If you don’t fancy her, I mean. But she seems persistent, is she?

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:07

        She is! I think I need a potion from Weatherly.

      • 12 Hazy March 18, 2015 at 12:19

        Oh, but Weatherly only has poisonous concoctions and herbal remedies… Unless you wish to poison this Amelia…

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:28

        Nah…I feel bad for her every so often.

  3. 14 rolerrol March 14, 2015 at 17:05

    Professor!! What a ball you had…..I was laughing to myself thinking how on earth do you get involved in such adventures??? 😁


    • 15 Professor VJ Duke March 14, 2015 at 19:07

      *laughing* Hey, Rolain! I’m not even sure. Can you believe the dadblamery of it? I should have shipped you the ring!

      • 16 rolerrol March 15, 2015 at 19:49

        That could of been a plan….A day with the Professor must be an experience never to forget!!! 😄

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke March 15, 2015 at 23:53

        *laughs* It’s definitely very spicy! I bet you’d love it.

  4. 18 The Lite Rider March 13, 2015 at 20:45

    Oh I laughed. And laughed more. And more. Oops on the ring. At least you could honestly say you didn’t have it. (And hasn’t the Professor secretly tried ballet?)

    • 19 Professor VJ Duke March 14, 2015 at 18:54

      Me? Ballet? Well, of course not! Isn’t that where you have to point your feet in the wrong direction?

  5. 20 Frederick March 13, 2015 at 15:40

    Brilliantly written, Duke. Entertaining as always. But I have to say the comments (for better or worse) seem to always steal the spotlight.

    And I never knew King Arthur had the nerve to uproot and steal an entire Royal Ball! What has become of it now, I wonder?

    • 21 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 20:29

      Hey, Frederick! I really appreciate that. *laughs* We just have too much fun in the comments, I’m thinking.

      Oh, I’m not sure. He sure does have a bunch of nerve. Do you suppose it’s destroyed? Overall, I mean.

      • 22 Frederick March 14, 2015 at 04:15

        It’s amazing how you’ve built such rapport with your readers. Good job well done!
        The royal ball you mean? I’m not sure either, but the ring is certainly destroyed, and isn’t that the main part of the story?

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke March 14, 2015 at 19:02

        Thank you, Mr. Frederick!

        It is, you’re right. But…see, I was thinking it couldn’t possibly be a real ring, if it was crushed…don’t you sorta agree?

      • 24 Frederick March 14, 2015 at 19:15

        No problem, Duke
        As for the ring… I have never tried stepping on a ring before, have you? Either way, I can’t tell from experience but if I would have to guess… I’d say, yes, rings are very much crush-able, real or otherwise.. It also depends on the type of shoe the crusher wears, I suppose..

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke March 15, 2015 at 23:38

        A very good point! The shoe would have a lot to do with it. Hmm…now that’s making me thing. If, for instance, Prince Beef was wearing steel-tipped boots…the ring would definitely crush! And here I was thinking it was just plastic.

  6. 26 walt walker March 12, 2015 at 23:05

    Well now that was quite a tale well told. And someone up there was right about dance moves being like a warrior’s moves. But then I can’t be sure, because I am neither.

    • 27 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 11:44

      Oh, Walt, we both know you’re a warrior. You should challenge more brutes (like Dick) to swordfights.

  7. 28 Debbie March 12, 2015 at 20:34

    Professor, you know what they say — A man who dances will never lack for a partner. That’s, I suppose, because most women love to dance. And sadly, the ones who do nearly always pair up with a man who doesn’t — or so I’m told. I’m really not up on these things!

    Nor can I picture that fluffy tiger dress your Amelia is wearing. ‘Tis a complete puzzle. I think animal prints are still “in,” but frankly, they look better on animals, don’t you think?!

    Now what are you going to do about that purple ring? Was it completely crushed? What kind of story are you going to tell to explain that one? Oh, things are getting interesting in the PL today!!

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 11:35

      Well, that a zinger, then. But it makes sense. Don’t you suppose dancing should be switched out with sword-fighting? Bet Domer would agree!

      I do! Now this is a wonder: I thought that sort of dress was well known. You know, it has spots…is a bit yellow and black. You know?

      Well, the ring was crushed. Imagine that? What sort of ring was it? Plastic? Wasteful.

  8. 30 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 12, 2015 at 19:46

    Not sure what to contribute, Duke. I’m on overload on the happenings of this ball. I’m thinking you should have danced with the redhead. I bet, she’s the easiest to get along with of the lot. *grabs her popcorn* *puts her feet up* I’m just gonna watch to see what happens next, I think. *places a bet*

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 20:29

      Well…what bet did you place? This professor didn’t have to dance. Aren’t you proud of me the sudden? I mean…would you have danced? I bet not! And see…I wasn’t a thief!

      • 32 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 12, 2015 at 21:03

        No dancing..of course. I guess, but I feel bad for the ladies who were waiting. No. I would not have danced, unless my partner asked, then I would have danced. You’re right, you weren’t!

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 11:36

        Would you have danced with Mr. R?

        *waits for Audith to tell him he’s not a liar*

      • 34 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 13, 2015 at 16:16

        If he asked, yes, for sure. I couldn’t possibly turn down his request.
        *sigh* Duketh…

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 20:30

        You would dance with Mr. R? This is a wonder…and a few.

        I’m waiting!

      • 36 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 13, 2015 at 22:08

        Well, what is one dance? Why are you so surprised?

        But!… *pleading eyes*

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke March 14, 2015 at 18:54

        But…but…with Mr. R!

        Hmm… *runs off*

      • 38 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 14, 2015 at 22:09

        Well, he asked! And first, it seems. Can’t wait around for you. You don’t dance, so you’ll never ask.

        Well… *catches up to you*

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke March 15, 2015 at 23:42

        True. My legs would probably fall off if I danced. I’ve never danced, so I’d look silly.


      • 40 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 16, 2015 at 02:31

        Never danced? Ever? You’re such a liar.

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:20

        Nope. Never! Well, I dance like a crazy person. But never…like a formal dance.

      • 42 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 17, 2015 at 04:17

        What do you think of as formal? You mean like proper fancy dancing? Explain yourself, Sir!

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 21:58

        Yes, I’ve never danced in the true meaning of the word.

      • 44 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 18, 2015 at 00:07

        I’m surprised. Not many can say that, Duke. You should fix it.

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:21

        (Only girls dance!)

      • 46 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 18, 2015 at 21:05

        (Not true! My dad is a fantastic dancer.)

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:03

        I’m not!

      • 48 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 20, 2015 at 03:06

        You can’t know that, if you’ve never danced.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2015 at 18:18

        It’s what my analysts say.

      • 50 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 22, 2015 at 23:56

        Should I agree with them then?

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke March 23, 2015 at 20:22

        Yes, they’re usually wrong.

      • 52 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 24, 2015 at 03:16


      • 53 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 12:20


  9. 54 Angeline M March 12, 2015 at 16:35

    Oh what a perfect ball this was. Twirling and triple dances with Mr. R and by his two PURCHASED ladies. No wonder you get in trouble!
    I have a wedding reception I must attend soon; I shall be out shopping for a fluffy tiger dress to dance in.

    • 55 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 20:15

      *ducks* I know! Well…he asked for it! I mean…you don’t think I should have danced with her, do you?

      You must! And make sure to say dadblameit. And stop by the punch table. As a matter of fact, take a picture of the punch for me, please!

  10. 56 Susan P March 12, 2015 at 16:17

    I think the Professor is afraid to dance.

    • 57 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 16:33

      Me? Am not. Does Harry dance? See? I got you there!

      • 58 Susan P March 12, 2015 at 18:46

        Actually, Harry loves to dance. With me.

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 20:27

        Does he? Well…but…he wouldn’t have danced with Mr. R’s lady, now would he have? Doesn’t mean he’s scared, though!

      • 60 Susan P March 12, 2015 at 21:33

        He’s not scared of much except for me.

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 11:43

        Really? Hmm…well, you must be a warrior.

      • 62 Susan P March 13, 2015 at 22:37

        *yells like Tarzan* Yep!

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke March 14, 2015 at 18:57

        The Brendan Fraiser Tarzan?

      • 64 Susan P March 14, 2015 at 19:30

        No, the first one, Elmo Lincoln .

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke March 15, 2015 at 23:39

        Elmo is a good first name.

      • 66 Susan P March 16, 2015 at 00:00

        Hmmm…are you certain?

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:18

        Of course! I’m thinking it is.

      • 68 Susan P March 16, 2015 at 18:32

        Someone might think it prudent to tickle you.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:31

        No one tickles the professor!

      • 70 Susan P March 17, 2015 at 14:04

        Now that sounds like a challenge.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:08

        Of course!

  11. 72 FictionFan March 12, 2015 at 14:45

    You were tempted, weren’t you?!? Yes, you do always seem to spot that kind of woman at parties – in fact, not ‘that kind of’, just THAT woman!!! You are so very, very fortunate that Mr Ratherquite’s gentlemanly behaviour meant that you failed in your nefarious plan to dance with the tiger-skinned minx!! The consequences would have been unpleasant! *brandishes club in a threatening, but rather graceful, manner* You tell her from me, sir, that if she bats those insects in my Professor’s direction just one more time, I’ll… well, I’ll… well, she’ll be sorry!! *prepares to flounce*

    Schwarzy’s sister is a Princess?!? Does that mean he’s… royalty??? *swoons and starts polishing tiara*

    *flounces off*

    • 73 Susan P March 12, 2015 at 16:16

      The Professor is such a tease.

      • 74 FictionFan March 12, 2015 at 16:58

        Yes, well, he won’t be when “someone” stamps hard on his new red shoes!

      • 75 Susan P March 12, 2015 at 18:42

        And serves him right. ;)

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 20:26

        Does not neither!

      • 77 Susan P March 12, 2015 at 21:34

        Well. I declare. Yes it does!!!!

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 11:43

        *holds ears*

      • 79 Susan P March 13, 2015 at 22:38

        Oh, well, I will get the sonic whistle on you.

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke March 14, 2015 at 18:57

        How much are those things?

      • 81 Susan P March 14, 2015 at 19:29

        They start around seven dollars.

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke March 15, 2015 at 23:38

        Oh! I’ll take one, then.

      • 83 Susan P March 16, 2015 at 00:01

        Here *hands him a box* Don’t drop it.

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:19

        Are they fragile?

      • 85 Susan P March 16, 2015 at 18:33

        The box is.

    • 86 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 16:30

      Was not! So…you know about that sort of tiger-wearing dress, then, don’t you? Really, FEF, the professor wasn’t planning on dancing with her…I was…was…was…yes, that’s it! I was looking for you. But you didn’t come. How come?

      You have a club? *super amazed*

      Yes…he is. But something happened in his past. I forget exactly. He was ousted accidentally or something. No, that’s right…she married royalty! I think. Or maybe he was. I do forget…


      • 87 FictionFan March 12, 2015 at 17:39

        I can imagine that… creature… in a slinky tiger dress, yes. Too short and too tight, I expect! *growls* Too much hesitation there, sir! And there’s a very simple reason I wasn’t there – YOU DIDN’T INVITE ME!!!! *swings club around head and roars* I may not invite you to the next party I throw, you know, you know…

        Good noodles! The brain decay seems to be happening rapidly in your case! Eat fish quickly!


      • 88 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 20:24

        It was too tight, now that you mention it. But, of course, I didn’t notice that. *ducks* But…well, the only reason I went was to return the ring! Will you ever maybe forgive me? I wasn’t planning on staying long…or dancing. (Will you tell me about that thingy now?)

        *laughing* Will not!

        Get your kazoo and practice your circular breathing! *being like the marmy thing*

      • 89 FictionFan March 13, 2015 at 00:48

        *snarls like Woola when a thark steps on his foot* You fickle, philandering, flirtatious flirt!!! Fie! *flounces alliteratively* To give the ring to Amelia, I suspect!!! You’re so lucky I’m such a quiet, sweet-natured soul or you would find yourself splattered with peas from the pants on your head to the red shoes on your feet, sir!!! (Oh, are you still wondering about that? I was going to tell you, but now you’ve made me so madly jealous, I won’t… not yet! *chuckles wickedly*)

        And die of snorting?!? That would hardly fit my delicate image, you know, you know…

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 11:45

        Well…you said it! I was just trying to be agreeable. Tell you what…how about we find Amelia a boyfriend? Then you won’t have to worry about it anymore. How about Fats Henry? I could try and set them up. (*snarls too* Yes, of course I am!!! Please, please can’t you tell me the sudden?)

        He doesn’t die from snorting!

      • 91 FictionFan March 13, 2015 at 16:38

        Hah! You think having a boyfriend would stop that little minx flirting with every man she meets? I think not! And poor Fats Henry – a fate worse than death! Couldn’t we just throw her in a vat of custard instead? (Tell you what? I seem to have forgotten… *skips off*)

        Aw, shame!

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 20:33

        Well, I would think that that would probably work. Maybe we should get her married then! That’ll fetch her. Don’t you suppose? Girls are so complicated. You should tell me what should be done, besides the custard thingy. That sounds too good. I’d like to do that, please. (Forgotten?! I’ve been thinking on this too long…probably’ll have nightmares soon!!)

        *mouth drops…all the way to China* I can’t believe this! I’ll have to send you a Kenny song to change your mind…

      • 93 FictionFan March 14, 2015 at 01:44

        Oh, she’d be even worse then! Especially if she married Fats Henry – that would be enough to make any girl consider straying, even if she wasn’t a flirty little minx to start with! I think, all things considered, you should leave Amelia to me… (*laughs* Did you ever stop having nightmares about reading Burns poetry? *laughs some more*)

        Well, that is better than some of the things I’ve listened to, I admit. But, I’m really sorry – it’s not jazz. It’s not. It’s not, it’s not. I wish for your sake it was but… it’s not. It’s quite nice, though…

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke March 14, 2015 at 18:59

        What?! I knew it! You want to go out to dinner with Amelia, don’t you? Don’t girls like minx coats? I could be off there. (You’re just trying to change the subject! I think I did. The professor has only one reoccurring nightmare, thank goodness!)

        It’s smooth jazz! Glad you digged it. Every time you make fun of KG…I’m going to send you a song! That’s your penance, see.

      • 95 FictionFan March 15, 2015 at 15:47

        Good noodles, no!! Well, unless we go to Ruber’s – she deserves his chicken’n’beans. Tut! Fur is so wrong! And I certainly wouldn’t want a coat made out of Amelia!!! (*innocent face* Me? Is that the one where you dream you’re Darby at the ball?)

        It’s easy-listening!! That is cruel and unusual punishment, sir! Hmm… suddenly I feel I may have to become his fan…

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke March 15, 2015 at 23:51

        No one deserves that. (-/_-) Why’s fur wrong? (No, it’s far worse than that. I’ve never dreamed I was Darby, but if I did, I wouldn’t be so rude to Elizabeth…now…that’s got me thinking…)

        Yes, you will. No more Kenny hate, or else!

      • 97 FictionFan March 16, 2015 at 16:12

        It looks better on the animal… (*laughs lots* Indeed not! You would be the perfect gentleman, and invite her to dance staright away with no prompting! Of course, then I’d have to take revenge on you both…)

        Aha! I have lined up a whole range of Scottish ‘talent’ to hurl at you in retaliation…

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:36

        I think I agree. A coon hat always looks ridiculous. (Would not invite her to dance! I’d tell Bing a thing or two, for sure. But I sure wouldn’t call her ugly! That was just mean.)

        Well…I’m defending remember! Don’t insult the smooth-jazz saxophonist. I’ve got something lined up too!

      • 99 FictionFan March 16, 2015 at 22:16

        (But you’d look so good in those dancing trousers! Specially since she’s lovely!)

        So, what exactly is the difference between smooth-jazz and easy listening then…? The hairdo?

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:42

        (She was not! JA said she was plain and ugly. Those trousers would be way too tight. I would refuse to wear them.)


      • 101 FictionFan March 17, 2015 at 17:04

        (*gasps* She did not!! She merely remarked that Jane was more beautiful! I’m sorry, but I must totally refuse to dance with someone with no pants!!)

        I note you failed to answer the question, sir!

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:14

        (True…but that’s like calling her ugly! I would, too. Darby shouldn’t walk around without pants.)

        Umm…did I? A bird!

      • 103 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member March 12, 2015 at 18:01

        I love how you’ve picked up that Kenny snort thing. VJ deserves it.

      • 104 FictionFan March 13, 2015 at 01:19

        He does, doesn’t he? Poor Kenny – it’s probably the weight of his hair that makes him have breathing problems…

      • 105 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member March 13, 2015 at 02:25

        lol You’re probably right!

  12. 106 L. Marie March 12, 2015 at 14:35

    I agree with MissTiffany, Many forms of combat have dance-like movements. But I can’t blame you for refusing to dance with one of Mr. Ratherquite’s ladies.
    I also agree that FF will not be pleased with Amelia’s invitation. At least you refused Amelia. But you happened to notice her tiger dress. . ..

    • 107 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 16:27

      *laughing* Yeah…but…you would have noticed it to! It had the head for a hood. Imagine that! So, it was right not to dance with his other lady?

      • 108 L. Marie March 12, 2015 at 21:18

        Hmm. I don’t think I’ve seen a dress like that. However, I noticed in one of your comments to FF that the dress was tight, but you hadn’t noticed. A bit of a contradiction that might cause others to be suspicious. Was this ball a costume party also? Was anyone else in costume.
        Yes, you were right not to dance with anyone associated with Mr. Ratherquite.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 11:41

        Nah, it wasn’t supposed to be a costume party, but Amelia is always breaking the rules. Well, I had to notice, ’cause…I mean, I noticed without knowing, if you know what I mean.

        Thank you!

  13. 110 MissTiffany March 12, 2015 at 12:16

    You know, Professor, there are those who liken swordplay to dance…I think a warrior could manage…after all, a good swordsman should be light on his feet, right?

    I think I missed Mr. Ratherquite…despite his rudeness and thoughtlessness of his ladies.

    Doesn’t Amelia know she could have danced by herself? Of course it might have seemed a bit odd in those circumstances.

    Quite the story, today, Professor! Great way to start my day.

    • 111 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 16:27

      Well…yes…but does one kill his partner in dance? There’s girly swordplay, mind you. (Darby liked that sort.)

      *laughs* He is something, isn’t he? All he needs is a lady like you to approach him and tell him to be nicer, then slap him. Ladies just never do it to him. Men would, though.

      She could have? Is that sort of thing done? (I wonder if she could dance in that dress! It was ridiculous.)

      *bows* Thanks bunches!

  14. 112 PorterGirl March 12, 2015 at 11:57

    Your theory about the punch and parties is quite correct, Professor. At least, in my humble experience.
    Such an exciting episode today! With much drama and violence, just the way I like it. I often wonder how Mr R can keep two ladies, it must be exhausting. I am only one lady (although that is oft debated) and I wear myself out. I take my hat off to him.
    Now – what is this about fluffy tiger dresses? I like the sound of them – but not if that harlot Amelia is wearing one. Wanted to dance indeed – I know what that’s all about. Ho ho, FF is NOT going to be pleased. Not pleased at all, I tell you…

    • 113 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 16:25

      I thought as much! And I was waiting for you to agree, since you’re a party goer. Yes…blue punch means leave the party right away.

      *laughing* Maybe he just takes them out all the time? Oh, I’m pretty sure you’re a lady–overall. It’s good to be able to become a rogue at times. I’m always a rogue. Do you suppose he’ll get number three?

      You’ve never see one of those tiger things?! Really? Yes, you have! I know you have! *laughs* What was it all about? I’m not sure. FEF will be proud! See how marvelous I was?

      • 114 PorterGirl March 12, 2015 at 16:43

        Blue punch… oh my yes, run a mile. That is a very bad sign. I am more a party-thrower than a party goer – that makes it a bit worse, I think. I actively encourage parties.
        Rogues are super because they are less boring than gentlemen but nicer than baddies. D’you think Mr R would take me as number 3? I might like it for five minutes or so. But no longer than that.
        I really don’t know what a fluffy tiger dress is but now I really want one! We have no such thing over here, I assure you. At least, I don’t think we do. I am going to investigate. And your innocent face does not fool me one bit, Professor – you are a wiley one! You were most marvelous, indeed. If FF was there she would have seen to Amelia and no mistake.

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke March 12, 2015 at 20:20

        That is quite awesome! It’s good you do that sort of thing. See, with a good host, you can throw bad party goers (like Mr. R) out. And I’m sure you would!

        *shocked* You’d want to be his number three? Well… *laughing lots* He might! You could all do a four-part dance or something.

        Let me know if you find anything on them. I”m curious now. I could’ve sworn they existed… I’m not that wiley…I just know what to do! *smiles wiley like*

      • 116 PorterGirl March 12, 2015 at 21:12

        I do remove unsavoury sorts, certainly. I cannot think of anything worse than a four part dance with those buggers. I hereby withdraw that request *shudders*. I have been looking for one – I think they would rather suit me. But with tiger ears and a tail, too. Any excuse for a tail.
        You are wiley! The smile tells it.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 11:40

        I agree, if one is to do it, one must go all the way. Ears, tail, and claws, too! Hey…you should go back to open mic night. I just thought of that now. The sudden.

        *smiles bigly*

      • 118 PorterGirl March 13, 2015 at 12:38

        *spanks repeatedly* I warned you! I rather think I will have to do another song at some point, won’t I? I will trade you a song for the amazing pants!

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke March 13, 2015 at 20:28

        Ouch! I didn’t hear the warning…

        Well, that’s fair enough. Would you like me to ship them to you?

      • 120 PorterGirl March 14, 2015 at 09:01

        Yes indeed at once! At last… they shall be mine! *victorious cackle*

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke March 14, 2015 at 19:04

        You’ll have to wear them. They like company, I’m told.

      • 122 PorterGirl March 15, 2015 at 08:55

        *laughs too loudly* I imagine they do! I shall wear them every day.

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke March 15, 2015 at 23:44

        Yes, definitely do. Now I’m thinking I”ll miss them.

      • 124 PorterGirl March 16, 2015 at 05:44

        They can come back for holidays. If you promise not to burn them.

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:22

        Well, I should’ve burned them before I sent them to you.

      • 126 PorterGirl March 16, 2015 at 19:24

        Certainly glad that you didn’t. They are mine, now, all mine! Mwhahahaha!

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:34

        Wait till they start talking in your head!

      • 128 PorterGirl March 17, 2015 at 06:00

        … oh! I hope they tell jokes.

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:02

        Dirty ones!

      • 130 PorterGirl March 18, 2015 at 06:03

        Aha! I look forward to that.

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
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15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
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