In the City

The professor was here:

600x600_1395079331724-banquet-room-

It was a formal event, I’m thinking.

I think they call these wedding receptions.

So, the professor was also spicy-ed up, and I was sitting at a long table with a bunch of well-dressed persons.

Very uncomfortable situation.

(Keep in mind, I got into this event because I knew the friend of the friend who knew who they should’ve known to get in.)

And, of course, I ended up at the important table. That’s not because I’m important. It just happened. I was one of the first to enter the building. Checking for assassins, see.

They were all sipping wine (the people at the table) and I was taking off my bowtie, when the woman across from me said, “So, how do you know Tyler and Ann?”

This was a tough question. I didn’t, really. But why pick on me? I was minding my own business.

“Well…” I began, and here’s a truth: When you don’t know what to say, make it up. “Well, I first met Ann, and then I met Tyler.”

I thought that was convincing.

But they just chuckled. Vexing. Quite vexing.

Now, the sad thing was this: My bow tie was stuck. I must admit, I’m a fake bow tie wearer at times. I just don’t have the patience or knowledge to tie a real one.

The little clip thingy that attaches somewhere on the shirt was stuck.

And they were all staring at me.

The woman was about to say something, when I pulled. Hard.

I think I tore a whole in my shirt. The fellow sitting next to my female attacker spilled a bit of wine on his shirt. The whole table shook, see.

“A tremor,” I announced. “Nothing to be alarmed about.”

A fellow with greedy eyes (and a strand of purple hair) said: “A fake bow tie? How childish.”

“Who has as a fake bow tie?” I asked. “You should tell them to wear a real bow tie to an event they care about. That’s how it’s done, see.

The woman, who first attacked me, gasped.

“Oh, you’re a fiery one, aren’t you? What do you do for a living?”

She was about 70 years old, I’m thinking. And the fellow sitting next to her was maybe 40. They were married; and I think she married into money.

I tried to get out of answering the question. “I don’t—”

“Young man,” she interrupted. “I want to know. And people tell me what I want to know.”

That’s when a wicked thought came into my head. But I wasn’t going to succumb!

“Oh, that’s nice,” I said, instead.

She turned to the man next to her. Her husband. “Fred, tell him I want to know.”

He shrugged. “She’s curious. Please tell her.”

I smiled, and pointed out the window. “Look! A bird.”

The professor was trying everything in his power not to…you know…succumb.

“Now, see here,” she said, “you tell me at once. I want to know what you do. First, why are you even here? I know Tyler and Ann really well, and I’ve never heard of you. Who are you? Second, you’re odd-looking. I can’t decide whether you’re mature or not. How old are you exactly? And why aren’t you drinking?”

And I said: “The more the words, the less the meaning.”

“What do you do for a living? Or…are you in school?”

“Why so curious?”

She huffed. “Because…this is Ann’s wedding and I want to make sure a low-life hasn’t found a way in.”

That was it, gentlemen. Time to attack.

She took a sip of wine. “Now…what do you do?”

“Well,” I began. “I can tell you what I don’t do: I don’t marry people three times my age to subsist.”

She went red.

Moral: Sometimes you have to be mean to quell an attack.

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160 Responses to “In the City”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 March 24, 2015 at 13:47

    That was quite a rebuff!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 20:09

      Wasn’t it, though? *cranky*

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 01:16

        It was indeed. They deserved it!

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 11:58

        They sure did!

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 12:09

        *jumps up and down on the bed* Oh boy, I’m so hyper today,.. side effects of having new ideas to work with!!!

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 20:16

        That’s a good thing!

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 20:58

        I sure hope so!

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2015 at 12:46

        It certainly is!

  2. 9 Nancy Loderick March 17, 2015 at 19:40

    Well Professor,

    You certainly told her! I hope you knew enough to make a dignified exit at that point, or at least duck. The old lady sounds like the type to throw something at someone who gave her an answer she didn’t like. And I’m sure she didn’t like your answer. :)

    Nancy

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:15

      Well, I actually stayed! Can you believe that?

      • 11 Nancy Loderick March 18, 2015 at 15:26

        Yes Professor I can believe that since you are very brave.

        Nancy

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:31

        *smiles very proudly*

  3. 13 Simply Skeptical March 17, 2015 at 10:48

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY PROFESSOR! A St. Patrick’s Doodle Dandy!

    This was hilarious! Giggles and more giggles as I get ready for work. What a wonderfully delicious way to brighten up a day’s beginning.

    You told her! The 70 something, obviously didn’t know who she was dealing with or she would have stopped before she began.

    Question: Did she look when you pointed to the bird out the window? (giggles galore….)

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:04

      Thanks you, SS!

      Thank you again! So…then. I wasn’t too mean at all, was I?

      I agree. The professor had her by the throat.

      Not at all. I fear that never works.

  4. 15 Angeline M March 17, 2015 at 05:28

    You were all “spicey-ed up” you said…does that mean dressed up or snockered up? I would think maybe the latter. You dealt well with that old biddy, though. Proud of you for that.

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:01

      Ooo…what’s snockered mean? Though I was dressed up. Oh yeah! I fetched her straight.

  5. 17 walt walker March 16, 2015 at 23:58

    Well, Old Sport. Here you go again. How do you get yourself into these things?

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:43

      *shakes head* I’m not even sure. Is it something about me that people like to attack?

  6. 19 John W. Howell March 16, 2015 at 18:03

    Whoa, that one hurt I’ll bet.

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:38

      It sure did. She just…sorta stopped. There was a bit of laughing. Do you suppose I shouldn’t done it?

      • 21 John W. Howell March 16, 2015 at 19:35

        Served her right. After all so what if you didn’t know the bride and groom. None of her business.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:36

        Very true! And if I was smart enough to sneak in, then I’m smart enough to sit at the table, dadblameit!

      • 23 John W. Howell March 17, 2015 at 12:47

        True

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:06

        *nods*

  7. 25 desertdweller29 March 16, 2015 at 15:40

    Since it’s too late for charm school, it maybe time to move on to the bow tie that squirts water and spins. I’ve seen them, you know. Do you some good, Professor, with all the pickles you get into. PS Next time wear the right pants.

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:35

      Do you suppose it really had to do with the pants?

      Charm school…too late? Are you saying I’m old?

      • 27 desertdweller29 March 16, 2015 at 19:12

        Never too old, Professor! But you are sitting out every dance. Can an old warrior be taught a new trick? Charm can be cunning, you know.

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:33

        Well, I’d like to learn charm. I have to sit out at the dancing: I’m so horrible at it, see.

  8. 29 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 16, 2015 at 15:29

    Aw. You should have turned on your charm and placated her a bit. For fun’s sake. I mean, it was a lovely evening and what better way to honor Tyler and Ann than to make sure their guests had a good time. Twas your job, Duketh. I mean you were sitting at the long table and everything. Did you take a date? Amelia by chance… I know you must have danced at least once, I bet.

    It was a rather simple question from the 70 year old. Why must you run from such easy questions? The husband…well, I’m not sure how I feel about him. Do you suppose he needed her money or just loved her company? Seems possible to me, actually. The latter that is.

    The room is quite romantic. I bet Ann was thrilled with how it turned out. Does she know you were so rude? Tyler probably cheered you on. Someone should tell her how the two of you behaved when she wasn’t looking. *laughs* Hope you had fun!

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:35

      Do you suppose I’ve got charm? Perhaps, you’re right. Perhaps I should’ve. But she didn’t deserve it! And T&A didn’t pay me to do that! No, I was off alone. I’m something of a secret agent. No, I didn’t dance either. Aren’t you proud?

      The latter is definitely possible; in fact, I hope it’s true. Still, it’s a good rip set-up. ‘Cause the professor doesn’t answer such questions! I don’t know why older women think they’re entitled to something. *laughing* Was I too mean?

      Ann would’ve probably agreed with me. Tyler’s the type that would just look away. Still, a few laughed when I said that…that thing, you know.

      • 31 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 17, 2015 at 04:37

        Of course I think you have charm. Duh. I’m always righter. Right? In the end, Duke, as long as you can handle yourself and any problems you create then treat people however you’d like. Just don’t ask me to acknowledge you until we get back to the car. *laughing* A secret agent to doesn’t dance? How do you get your whereabouts and who done did its.. without dancing? *questioning Audith eye* Proud of you? Always.

        The latter is possible and preferred. An honest to goodness love story, it seems. So you only answer the tough questions? Who are you? Some sort of snarky news anchor guy? Naw. You weren’t too mean. As long as you know how to get yourself out of a situation you can handle youraelf however you see fit. Free country, and all that…just don’t ask me to acknowledge you until we get back to the car. *giggle*
        Old woman have waited a long time to be entitled to something. Make it happen, Sir. Save the bloody day for them…it isn’t too much to ask. Gesh!

        I have no doubt that people laughed. You are one funny guy. *smiles* It was a fun story, Duke. Thanks for sharing it with us.

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:01

        Haha…won’t acknowledge me until we leave! Well, that’s all good and nice of you, madam! Well, do you mean…how do I end up at these parties?

        But…how come they pick on me?

        And now you think I”m charmless.

      • 33 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 18, 2015 at 00:14

        You brought this on yourself, Sir. *has coffee with the accommodating folk*
        No, I know how one ends up at a party. They are nicely asked.

        Because they smell your fear of them, Warrior.

        No. I’m well aware of your charms, Duke. *laughs*

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:22

        Yes, I was asked. I should’ve caused more of a ruckus! If I just had a partner in crime…like Mr. Warrior!

        My fear? Dadblameit!

        *smiles proudly*

      • 35 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 18, 2015 at 21:10

        More ruckus? You think I would allow you to ruin Mr. Warrior? With your shenanigans? Sad thing is he would try.

        Giggle…tis what I thought.

        *sparkles*

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:03

        *laughing* He has a sense of adventure! I bet you would, too.

      • 37 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 20, 2015 at 03:09

        *sparkles* Yes, he does. Right now he’s trying to convince me to drive to New Orleans in the morning, so he can visit their history. *wonders how you two can talk me into anything*

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2015 at 18:19

        *laughing lots* Definitely do it! If you want. Cause you’re an adventurer! Did you go?

      • 39 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 23, 2015 at 00:00

        I would have done it with a little more notice. I hadn’t the time to research a plan or enough time available to make it worth our while. We went to Galveston instead. You won’t believe what we did? Wish you could have joined us. You would have needed your brave hat.

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke March 23, 2015 at 20:22

        What did you do? I must needs know. Galveston is cool. It’s Glen’s favorite place.

      • 41 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 24, 2015 at 03:18

        I will show pictures soon. I flew! High…fast! You should have seen me. Oh you and Glen…

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 12:21

        You flew?

      • 43 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 24, 2015 at 13:55

        Yes. Sorta…no, I did. I really did, Duke.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 20:10

        You must give me more details, please.

      • 45 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 25, 2015 at 01:14

        Nothing too exciting…I’m feeling a bit professorish. ..I took pictures. You’ll see.

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2015 at 11:55

        Professorish is awesome! Oh, can’t wait. I bet it was exciting. So it was a plane?

      • 47 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 25, 2015 at 22:15

        No, not a plane. Nothing as cool as that, I’m afraid.

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 11:48

        Oh, that’s not cool at all. Skydiving?

      • 49 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 26, 2015 at 15:30

        No, but I could have if something had gone horridly wrong.

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 20:34

        *laughs* You’re not going to tell me, dadblameit!

      • 51 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 27, 2015 at 03:27

        You will love it! I am…tis an amusement ride, but I was so high I saw the curve of the ocean, Duke.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2015 at 13:01

        Wow! I’d be too scared to ride it. Sounds really cool.

      • 53 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 27, 2015 at 14:04

        The experience is wearing off…it wasn’t that big a deal.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2015 at 14:02

        Oh, come on: it was cool!

      • 55 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 28, 2015 at 23:06

        It was. Mr. Warrior is a thrill seeker, for sure. I kept my cool quite nicely.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke March 29, 2015 at 18:29

        Oh, I bet you loved it lots!

      • 57 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 29, 2015 at 20:03

        I talked a lot the first time. I was soothing myself, I think. Making sure I was right with God if I plunged to my death.

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke March 30, 2015 at 12:07

        *laughing* I so know the feeling! It would’ve been a cool death, though.

      • 59 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 30, 2015 at 14:14

        Yeah…remembered fondly for minutes!

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke March 30, 2015 at 19:53

        Who was?

      • 61 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 30, 2015 at 21:52

        Me when I drop to my death.

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2015 at 11:48

        *laughs* Well, this professor, personally, would be way more upset than that. Fond remembrance. You need spanked, madam!

      • 63 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 31, 2015 at 14:06

        *sighs* Ten minutes then. Yes, I believe I do. Make that happen. *laughs*

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2015 at 22:07

        I’ll have to tell Mr. Warrior to do it…or Mace Windu–your favorite. 10 minutes?! *Growls*

      • 65 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 1, 2015 at 02:21

        No, he wouldn’t dare. Mace Windu, my favorite? Tis yours! I like Yoda, Duke. Remember. You shouldn’t ask others to do your dirty work. 15 minutes? *looks hopeful*

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2015 at 18:25

        I know you like Yoda! But I’m trying to…convince you to like Mace! I don’t see why not… More like for the rest of my life!

      • 67 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 1, 2015 at 21:34

        But you’ve yet to prove why he’s better than Yoda? Plus, he looks nothing like a turtle and I like trutles with canes and bigly eyes. Aww. The rest of your life… *sparkles*

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2015 at 12:59

        Well, he’s more powerful. A turtle? *laughs* Yeah, with gray hair. Very true, madam.

      • 69 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 2, 2015 at 19:43

        So powerful is better?

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2015 at 12:55

        Only sometimes, mind you.

      • 71 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 3, 2015 at 13:48

        Mace would disagree with you, I bet.

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke April 4, 2015 at 22:26

        And that’s why he died!

  9. 73 FictionFan March 16, 2015 at 15:08

    Yes, yes, yes, that’s all very fine, but you haven’t told us the most important stuff! Was there dancing? Did the Professor dance??? Who with? For how long? Ballroom or disco? Were you wearing your pants? (I don’t mean in general – I think we can assume you would not go semi-clad – I mean your special ones.) Does that “Look, a bird” thing ever really work??? Was the lady’s grey hair not a crown of splendour then? Was there chocolate pudding for dessert?

    • 74 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:32

      There was dancing! And it got quite wild. Dadblameit! You know I don’t dance. (They were maybe making fools of themselves.) I just sat at the table and talked with a chap. And watched them dance. It was hilarious.

      Of course, I was wearing pants! Dadblameit. They were just black ones. Are they the ones?

      That bird thing never really works. It doesn’t even work in person, can you believe.

      *laughing lots* Not for her, no. She had no such wisdom. Did you recognize the other quote in the text? Is that why you said that?

      No. But cake!

      • 75 FictionFan March 16, 2015 at 22:10

        See? Wild dancing is perfectly suitable for a warrior! You should have asked the horrible hag if she wanted to dance the cotillion – that would have silenced her!

        So glad! And a little relieved! Well, how would I know?!? Only Amelia ever gets to see the Professor in his enchanted pants. *tosses hair angrily* But I like to imagine them as tartan…

        No! Really! I am surprised! Look, a yeti!

        Haha! I fear not, but looking over it, it’s gotta be the “more the words” bit, eh? Hopefully not the bit about real bowties…

        Did you steal me a bit?

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:41

        Yes, but I can’t dance with anyone, besides you. A warrior keeps his word, see. Most of the time anyway.

        Tartan…well…that’s…well… Don’t worry: Amelia’s got nothing on you. Besides, of course, she doesn’t keep secrets much.

        *laughs* Well, I’m not that obvious!

        Yes, that’s it! How cool you picked it out. Imagine! *laughs* What a passage that would make.

        Yes. I’m saving so I can buy the answer.

      • 77 FictionFan March 17, 2015 at 17:02

        Awww! But since we’ve danced at your party I’ve graciously decided you can dance with other people now – but NOT Amelia!!! Or anyone I know… or more gorgeous than me… or younger…

        Haha! Will you forgive me now for keeping secrets? *pleading eyes*

        *laughs and says nothing*

        Your training must be taking effect! Is there nothing about bowties then? How disappointing!

        Hmm… have I just diddled myself out of cake?

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:13

        Well, that basically means I can maybe dance with an old man. That wouldn’t be much fun! I think I won’t ever dance now. I’m done and done is done.

        I sure will! It was sweet, the reason why you were keeping the secret. You deserve a hug for it, really.

        No! I fear they didn’t wear them then. The romans would have looked good with some, though.

        You get a big slice!

      • 79 FictionFan March 18, 2015 at 14:23

        Hmm… I think you just implied that all women are either more gorgeous or younger than me… or both. I’ll kindly assume you must have had too much punch… *doesn’t flounce*

        Awww! Lucy and I did feel mean though – we had so much fun and couldn’t let you join in… *chuckles*

        What?!? Goodness, next you’ll be telling me the men didn’t wear pants!!!

        *brushes crumbs off chin*

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:30

        Umm…oh…uhh…of course not! What I meant was… Well, see here, I was just trying not to ever have to dance again. That’s it.

        *laughing* I can just imagine you two.

        They didn’t. They wore… Not going to say it.

      • 81 FictionFan March 18, 2015 at 23:17

        Didn’t you enjoy it then? *sad little face*

        Skirts!! *giggles and runs off*

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:04

        I did! (But we were dancing over poor Amelia’s remains.)

        *holds ears*

      • 83 FictionFan March 20, 2015 at 00:52

        Huh! I think you and Amelia deserve each other! I hope you’ll both be very happy… *flounces off*

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2015 at 18:18

        *flounces after FEF* You can’t escape me like that!

      • 85 FictionFan March 20, 2015 at 22:28

        Awww! See? You’re soooo smooth! *skips back*

        But, you know, you know – now that us girlies have bonded, you’ll need to be more careful… if you make us all flounce it could start up earth tremors…

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke March 22, 2015 at 18:37

        *laughs* I will have to watch that, I suppose. It’s funny that worked. You wanted me to come after you! *jots it down*

      • 87 FictionFan March 23, 2015 at 23:02

        *gulps* Oh dear! I must stop letting you know the best ways to manipulate me – you’re good enough at it already…

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 12:17

        Well, it’s not that…it’s the best ways to make sure you don’t flounce in the future, and what to do if you do flounce. We must keep you happy, you know. *gives FEF a cherry*

      • 89 FictionFan March 24, 2015 at 15:19

        Aww, really? That’s sweet! Well…is it chocolate-covered?

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 20:14

        Really! But I think I’m kinda failing at the moment. It is, yes!

      • 91 FictionFan March 25, 2015 at 00:49

        Do you? Why? Three more chocolates should do it…

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2015 at 11:47

        Because I know when FEF’s cranky! Three more? Okay…

      • 93 FictionFan March 25, 2015 at 15:44

        You do? Then you should make sure you always have chocolate supplies ready…

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2015 at 20:48

        *proud face* I do! Isn’t it something?

      • 95 FictionFan March 26, 2015 at 00:23

        Woo! That is pretty awesome, I admit! I must get cranky more often! *waits for chocolate*

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 11:54

        No, of course you mustn’t! *gives FEF all of his chocolate* When I get it, it usually just sits about. Unless…it’s a kit-kat.

      • 97 FictionFan March 26, 2015 at 15:39

        Well, I won’t then – for a while – if you read Twenty Trillon Leagues… *eats all the Professor’s chocolate and gives him a kit-kat in return*

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 20:38

        Oh, rats and a heifer! Do I have to? *gives FEF a piece of cherry cake*

      • 99 FictionFan March 27, 2015 at 00:35

        Yes. *eats it and belatedy remembers to say thank you*

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2015 at 12:56

        The deal is you must read something professorish. Like…Room, for instance. You’d love it, I think… *laughs*

      • 101 FictionFan March 27, 2015 at 20:07

        Room?!? Isn’t that told in the voice of a HLK?!? Please… please don’t make me read it! I can’t believe it’s Professorial – is it really? Ok, you don’t have to read Twenty Trillion Leagues… *runs off faster than Usain*

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2015 at 14:12

        *laughing lots* It is! Okay…I admit, it’s not too fair. But it’s all your fault!

      • 103 FictionFan March 28, 2015 at 22:16

        How is it my fault?!? I try to get you to read something you’ll enjoy and you try to make me read some kind of horrible torture?! Pah! Bah! And tchah! I’d actually rather read The Count of Monte Cristo!!!!

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke March 29, 2015 at 18:24

        Well…now I’m thinking about the third John Carter book…but I’m not sure, the sudden.

      • 105 FictionFan March 30, 2015 at 01:04

        That sounds much better! Why not sure?

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke March 30, 2015 at 12:21

        Well…that or Dune next?

      • 107 FictionFan March 30, 2015 at 17:14

        *laughs* Poor C-W-W! I shall leave that decision to you! But seriously don’t feel you have to – I promise I won’t pout. You must dread me constantly forcing books on you. (*tries not to chuckle*)

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke March 30, 2015 at 20:05

        No, I really don’t…Dune and John Carter are fine…but…we still have to strike a deal for the Trillion one… *feels completely evil* You won’t like my new deal either. But it’s easy.

      • 109 FictionFan March 31, 2015 at 01:10

        Well, you pick which one then – and let me know when! *trembles in terror* OK… what? Remember that you’re supposed to be nice to me because… well, I can’t think of a reason, but you are!

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2015 at 11:59

        *laughing* Well, this being Easter and all…if you’re still reading your Bible…I’d just give you a few specific verses to read is all…

      • 111 FictionFan March 31, 2015 at 16:57

        *guiltily brushes dust off* Yes, yes, of course I’m still reading it! Slowly… Go on, then, I’m willing… in fact, I’m intrigued and, dare I say it, a bit flattered that you’d want to…

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2015 at 22:10

        *smiles really bigly* Awesome then! Okay…I’ll put it together for you–if you still don’t mind. And I’ll get the Trillion Leagues one…as well as the 3rd John Carter and the next Dune…for our other reading, deal?

      • 113 FictionFan April 1, 2015 at 16:23

        *laughs lots* That makes me feel so bad! You really don’t have to, you know, you know… I’ll read your Bible bits even if you don’t want to read Trillions…

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke April 1, 2015 at 18:42

        *smiles lots* A deal is a deal! Besides, I’m quite looking forward to all three.

      • 115 FictionFan April 1, 2015 at 20:40

        Good then! You’re on… *smiles happily*

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke April 2, 2015 at 12:55

        Sweet! I’ll let you know when I get the books…and I’ll send you the scripture tomorrow!

      • 117 FictionFan April 2, 2015 at 16:17

        Oddly, I’m looking forward to it… *puzzled face*

      • 118 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2015 at 12:53

        *smiles bigly* So am I!

  10. 119 Debbie March 16, 2015 at 14:51

    Golly, a little wine really loosens tongues, doesn’t it, Professor?! I’m thinking I might have changed tables if I’d been you. Such rudeness from virtual strangers — asking all sorts of pointed questions that weren’t any of their concern, then making disparaging remarks about your appearance.

    Still, it looks like a lovely setting, and formal events like wedding receptions are a command-performance every so often. It’s just unfortunate that this woman and her cronies chose you to pick on. I hope the dinner at least was worth your time — they had cake, didn’t they??

    Congrats to the newlyweds — and let’s assume they’re blissfully ignorant of their guests’ shenanigans!!

    • 120 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:30

      I know, right? When the insulted my appearance, I laughed. I know I shouldn’t have, but I did. The rapscallions! But see, I decided to stay for some revenge. I’m so wicked, aren’t I?

      They did have cake! And the dinner was very nice. They quit bothering me after that. She wouldn’t even look at me. Though I did have more of a conversation with the fellow with purple hair.

      I hope they are! Or…I’ll complain!

      • 121 Debbie March 16, 2015 at 19:09

        You really laughed? Ooh, well done! A less confident person would’ve tucked tail and slunk off offended. You showed her a thing or two or three, I’d say!

        I like cake. Dallas likes cake, too, if it’s not chocolate. Purple hair? Was it dyed? (Well, of course it was — no one has naturally purple hair!!) Was there some reason why he chose purple, though? *ponders a while*

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:32

        *smiles proudly* I sure did! I got her good!

        *laughing* I’m not sure. Maybe a fashion statement?

  11. 123 Susan P March 16, 2015 at 14:03

    Oh dear, Professor, I’m afraid she will retaliate. Possibly by making you her next husband. Or, perhaps by giving you a yappy little Chihuahua. Or she might tell Amelia that you are in love with her. Hell hath no fury like an elderly woman.

    • 124 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:27

      Next husband? How many does she keep for herself?

      Yes, the chihuahua would be bad. I might have to shoot it.

      Amelia? I’m not in love with her neither!

      • 125 Susan P March 16, 2015 at 18:39

        Only one husband at a time. She likes to attend to one at a time. The Chihuahua is only one, but it can feel like more. Then nips your ankles until you climb up and swing from the chandleries in despair. As for Amelia, she is one of those determined and focused women like Tom Sawyer’s aunt.

      • 126 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:31

        How many has she…had? I wouldn’t jump, I’d get a knife for that little yappy thingy.

        But wasn’t TS’s aunt nicer?

      • 127 Susan P March 17, 2015 at 14:06

        More like tired and worried.

      • 128 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:08

        Like the professor?

      • 129 Susan P March 17, 2015 at 23:11

        Oh, the Professor is always carefree and unburdened.

      • 130 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:20

        But are you sure about this?

      • 131 Susan P March 18, 2015 at 18:25

        Well, when you are not. In any case, you certainly make a lot of us smile and giggle.

      • 132 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:32

        It definitely works both ways!

      • 133 Susan P March 18, 2015 at 18:37

        Well, if you ever get down in the dumps, remember yesterday.

      • 134 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:01

        I will! That was just…tops.

      • 135 Susan P March 19, 2015 at 23:12

        I think it was quite as much fun being in on the thing as it was to do it.

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2015 at 18:17

        That’s tops, then. It was fun all around!

  12. 137 L. Marie March 16, 2015 at 13:43

    Wow. You were quite peppery at that wedding reception. I see that your warrior spirit was ignited by that couple. The gentleman was quite rude with his comment: “A fake bow tie? How childish.” How churlish of him! And his wife’s comment about how odd-looking you are was beyond the pale. I hope you at least had a good meal at the reception. Hope you were able to patch up that hole in your shirt. ;-D

    • 138 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:27

      Well…the shirt is still messed up. But there’s nothing for it. That was churlish of him! (Love that word, btw.) I mean, I tried not to say it. But I”m thinking deep down in she really wanted to hear it…wouldn’t you suppose? Someone had to tell her.

      • 139 L. Marie March 17, 2015 at 02:31

        Next time, wink and say, “Some things in life must remain a mystery.”

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:44

        Hey! That’s a great line. I’ll give it a go.

  13. 141 Hazy March 16, 2015 at 12:51

    Well, that elderly lady was rather nosy, wasn’t she? Just because she says she knew the couple really well doesn’t automatically mean she knows *everybody* they know now, does it? That’s quite presumptuous of her, or pretentious, or both, maybe.

    The professor’s answer was very bold. If it were me, I would’ve probably changed tables. or left the reception. *laughs*

    • 142 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:24

      It was both, Hazy! Wasn’t she awful? Imagine if Weatherly was there. He would’ve fetched her.

      But you would’ve missed out on the food! Maybe you would’ve slapped her?

      • 143 Hazy March 17, 2015 at 12:32

        Dear heavens, no! I wouldn’t slap her (unless she was an assassin). I think I would’ve just smiled at her until she got annoyed, but really I’ll just leave the table. She’s not worth my time. *laughs* Weatherly, however, would’ve rendered her unconscious for the duration of the party, I think. He has some tranquilizer darts on hand.

        Was the food at least any good? Was there a punch for drinks?

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:05

        He’s just awesome. And you’re very sensible. *sigh* I should’ve done it like you would’ve. There’s always a next time!

        There was some sort of punch…but yucekth!

      • 145 Hazy March 18, 2015 at 12:11

        The hazy mind can sometimes be a sensible mind, which is a relief. But you know, I think you taught that nosy lady a lesson. Perhaps she wouldn’t be so nosy anymore.

        Why is it yucketh? Did you eat some cake?

      • 146 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:26

        That’s a good point. I bet she won’t mess with the vicious mean professor!

        Nah…well, I tried. But the icing…tasted sour!

  14. 147 floridaborne March 16, 2015 at 12:30

    Me thinks the professor should stick to professing in class and leave the social skills to the real world. :-)

    • 148 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:24

      *drops head* Am I really bad at it?

      • 149 floridaborne March 16, 2015 at 19:27

        You’re quite professorish. It’s a common trait. :-)

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:35

        Well…there’s not much I can do on it. But I should learn some manners, you know.

  15. 151 PorterGirl March 16, 2015 at 12:12

    *Gasps in delight and shock* Professor! What a thing to say to an elderly lady! It is both spikey and true. I hope she fell off of her seat and broke a hip. How dreadfully nosey of her, wouldn’t you say?
    That is a rather nice room, aboslutely. It was good of you to go in first to check for assassins. Most disappointing that your good deed was met with only rudeness and nagging. You handled them well, Professor.
    I hope Ann and Tyler had a lovely day.

    • 152 Professor VJ Duke March 16, 2015 at 18:24

      *laughs* And a hip? That’s cruel. *hides a bit* It was rude…but she asked for it! And…what’s one supposed to think? There she sat. Someone had to knock her off her high horse. Pah!

      Imagine The Dean! He would’ve been worse than I was. He would’ve been very angry. And he’d swear and drink!

      I think they did. They never showed up–imagine!

      • 153 PorterGirl March 16, 2015 at 19:27

        A mite cruel, I admit, but the old bat deserved it, I should say. Well played, Professor, say I. You were left with very little choice. The Dean would have been rather magnificent! She would have regretted tackling him, indeed. Swearing and drinking would be the main theme of his behaviour, most definitely.
        Imagine indeed! That’s a bit rude of them. It matters not – all the more cake for the guests!

      • 154 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 03:36

        I should try and be Dean-ish in my dealings, I’m thinking. Imagine her face if I swore a bit! That’d a been spicy!!! She looked like a bat, too. Now that you mention it.

        I thought so, too! Someone said that’s what’s done. But I thought she was lying to me.

      • 155 PorterGirl March 17, 2015 at 06:05

        You should have told her to bugger off – then she would have been both offended and baffled. I think, if in doubt, think – what would The Dean do? A sure fire way to get a good result!
        I am sure that is not the done thing. Manners are important and not to turn up is rather rude. A bugger upon them both!

      • 156 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:03

        A bugger indeed! I do like thinking about what the Dean would do. He’s my new role model. Now.

      • 157 PorterGirl March 18, 2015 at 06:04

        Mine too! You can’t go far wrong by following The Dean’s example.

      • 158 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:25

        Very true. And your swearing will be impressive–which is harder than it seems.

      • 159 PorterGirl March 18, 2015 at 19:20

        You are right, there. He makes it look so easy but it really is an art form. I shall practice now.

      • 160 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:02

        No practicing! That’s just…evil, madam!


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