**Special Edition** The Professor’s Birthday

You guys are amazingly tops!!! This made the professor’s birthday extremely special. Not only did I laugh lots and lots and lots (probably more than is healthy) it maybe–maybe, mind you–was very touching indeed.

Secret Diary Of PorterGirl

Today’s post is in honour of a very special birthday boy – Professor VJ Duke! Many happy returns, dear boy, on behalf of my good self and FictionFan – and all the Punchy Family!

I am nervously adjusting my hat and wrestling with a tie that refuses to sit straight under my collar. Why is it that when one needs to look her very best, the reflection that stares back resembles something of a tramp in fancy dress?

Today is a most important day. It is the birthday of one of our best-loved travelling Fellows, the eminent Professor VJ Duke. Many of his far-flung friends and colleagues will be joining us for an elaborate surprise party at a secret location (organised by the beautiful and brilliant FictionFan) later in the day. The noise in the Porters’ Lodge far exceeds what should be deemed acceptable at such an early hour. Daddy…

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144 Responses to “**Special Edition** The Professor’s Birthday”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 March 23, 2015 at 18:16

    *runs in a week too late with her hair blown around and her shoes only half-tied* Happy Birthday, Professor! I heard you got a model of the Starship Exercise instead of a cake, so I made you a cake. *hands a buttery-pecany-cake to the Professor* Sorry I’m so late. I was trying to keep rogue Atlanteans from invading Middle-Earth. :-S

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke March 23, 2015 at 20:36

      No problem, Erin! And thanks for the wishes. *eats the cake* That’s excellent, of course. You’re such a cook, you know. Or is that baker? Something like that.

      The Atlanteans? Are they the brutal ones?

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 March 24, 2015 at 13:01

        You’re welcome! *beams* I’m so glad you liked it! I love baking. It’s the best. Relaxing. :-)
        Somewhat. They turned all Sith-ly just before their island sank, which is why Plato says it sank, or was it Aristophanes? Anyway, they’ve been trying to invade, so I assembled a task force with the Rangers of both Middle-Earth and Araluen, Obi-Wan, Steve, and Winter, to defend it.
        Oh, and a few fried their brains while trying to invade Valinor, which was as well, since we technically can’t defend Valinor–no mortal is supposed to be able to find it.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 20:04

        That’s awesome! And I hear baking is hard, too.

        Aha…well, I’d say they don’t stand a chance really, which isn’t fair. I think Sid and I should go and see if they have any good candidates for the Sith Operation.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 01:15

        It can be. But it’s not hard otherwise, if you know what I mean.
        Apparently Sidious thinks that a brainwashed Obi-Wan would be a good candidate. -_- Fun times. I think Sidious will change his mind when he comes up against Obi-Wan’s deeply kind and altruistic nature. That’s not something that he can just change, after all.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 11:57

        And I doubt he can even brainwash Obi, to be honest. He’s too intelligent, I must admit.

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 11:58

        Yeah… it’s more subtle twists, and playing with his head, which is going to be very damaging…

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 12:06

        *shudders* It will be an interest.

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 March 26, 2015 at 12:21

        Probably. ;-)

  2. 10 Simply Skeptical March 18, 2015 at 16:41

    Happy Birthday to a swell guy!! Age is but a # ignore it.

    • 11 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:31

      *bows* Thanks, SS. I really appreciate it!

  3. 12 icedmocha34 March 17, 2015 at 23:19

    HAPPY BIRRRRRRTHDAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! Mehyeheh, you’re oooold. :P

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:20

      *laughing lots* Oh, thanks, Em! I feel nicely old the sudden. *grumbles*

      • 14 icedmocha34 March 18, 2015 at 18:28

        Old=wise. It was a sort-of compliment!! :P You’re welcome!! <3

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:32

        *laughs* Perfect, then! Though I think I’m more dull than wise.

      • 16 icedmocha34 March 18, 2015 at 18:34

        Nah, you’re not dull. You have an amazing sense of humor!!!!! <3 Even if you are mean about Mr. Darcy…

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:01

        Aw, thanks! I appreciate it, Em. It’s a professorish sense of humor. Yes, he looks like a noodle, I just found out, you know.

      • 18 icedmocha34 March 20, 2015 at 17:11

        NOOOOOOO! Mr. Darcy is soooo brilliant and beautiful!!! *sigh* Did you get any good bday presents?

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2015 at 18:21

        But he called Liz ugly! I did…a package all the way from Australia. Got a baby devil. Tasmanian Devil, that is. And a book. And bunches of guitar things. Do you play guitar?

      • 20 icedmocha34 March 20, 2015 at 18:23

        And yet…they still got married…. LOL
        A baby Taz?????? That’s so awesome!!!!!!!!! I want one! Will you share? You should at least post pics.

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke March 22, 2015 at 18:35

        I know! Bet Liz murdered Darby later on. I’ll post some pics! I should. I know I should.

  4. 22 Nancy Loderick March 17, 2015 at 19:38

    Happy Birthday dear Professor, Happy Birthday to yoooooo! :)

    Nancy

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:14

      Thanks, Nancy! I’m wearing my Pats hat to celebrate.

      • 24 Nancy Loderick March 18, 2015 at 15:27

        Now that is something I’d like to see! :)

        Nancy

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:31

        My pats hat? It’s amazing. Bet Ken would like it!

      • 26 Nancy Loderick March 19, 2015 at 20:59

        Professor,

        He would like it even more if there was a donut involved too. :)

        Nancy

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:04

        Me too, I’m thinking!

  5. 28 Susan P March 17, 2015 at 16:55

    And just like *snap* you are a year older. Congrats, Prof. You are the bees knees (I worked on an old phrase so that you would know what it was.)

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:11

      *laughing* I am the bees knees! Thanks so much for you contribution. It was awesome. I laughed. And cried.

      • 30 Susan P March 17, 2015 at 23:12

        I’m glad you liked my contribution. And that you laughed. But some of it was awful and you cried?

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:20

        Well, no, it wasn’t awful at all. Didn’t it touch you just a bit when Amelia nearly died?

      • 32 Susan P March 18, 2015 at 18:27

        Well, that artist’s impression of her was kind of creepy.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:32

        It sure was. It had eyelashes!

      • 34 Susan P March 18, 2015 at 18:37

        Creepy, I tell you.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:01

        Poor Amelia.

      • 36 Susan P March 19, 2015 at 23:12

        What? Why? Poor what?

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2015 at 18:17

        Poor…never mind. Maybe I shouldn’t say it.

      • 38 Susan P March 20, 2015 at 18:32

        Maybe you should?

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke March 22, 2015 at 18:36

        It’d get scary, I think.

      • 40 Susan P March 22, 2015 at 19:06

        But…you are the Professor. The Fearless. The “Goes Where No One Has Gone” dude. Why are you afraid?

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke March 23, 2015 at 20:21

        I fear…bad paint colors and the muskrat.

      • 42 Susan P March 23, 2015 at 20:32

        I can understand fearing the muskrat.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke March 23, 2015 at 20:38

        Oh dear. Why is that?

      • 44 Susan P March 23, 2015 at 20:42

        You don’t know? Oh dear. Dadblame it! You need to do some research.

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 12:11

        Do they stink?

      • 46 Susan P March 24, 2015 at 14:46

        Worse than a skunk.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 20:14

        Seriously?! Now that is an interest.

      • 48 Susan P March 24, 2015 at 20:37

        You want a skunk?

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2015 at 11:43

        Well, I would keep one as a pet. Imagine how powerful a weapon it would be against robbers.

      • 50 Susan P March 25, 2015 at 12:03

        Sometimes it can backfire. Just sayin’.

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2015 at 20:37

        Like my car, for example.

      • 52 Susan P March 25, 2015 at 21:00

        Right. My car isn’t doin’ diddly. Just sitting in the shop and saying neener neener boo boo. Mechanic can’t find the problem.

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 11:46

        *laughs* Well, at least it’s saying some cool things. Probably the engine.

      • 54 Susan P March 26, 2015 at 11:54

        No…not the engine. Something to do with the fuel sensor. I’m getting stir crazy. Out in the middle of nowhere and no car.

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 12:06

        *laughing* Well…I don’t know the second thing about cars, I fear. Wish I could help. Maybe I’ll send Schwarz?

      • 56 Susan P March 26, 2015 at 12:09

        I don’t think FF would like that. Just sayin’. And she definitely would not me dance. Yes, I do feel a little bitter about that. ;)

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 20:15

        *laughing* I know…But don’t you suppose it’s good overall? The professor doesn’t dance, see.

      • 58 Susan P March 26, 2015 at 21:32

        Harumph. taties and mince.

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke March 27, 2015 at 12:47

        Mince. That sounds like a spice.

      • 60 Susan P March 27, 2015 at 22:24

        Not in this case. It’s a British meal.

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2015 at 14:15

        Oh…is it good?

      • 62 Susan P March 28, 2015 at 16:01

        It is. The mince is ground beef. Sort of. And vegetables and potatoes…

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke March 29, 2015 at 18:15

        Hey, that sounds a bit tasty.

      • 64 Susan P March 29, 2015 at 20:42

        It is, if you don’t mind your food all mixed up in a stew sort of thing. I don’t mind, so I’m good with it.

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke March 30, 2015 at 12:11

        Oh dear. Stew can be scary at times.

      • 66 Susan P March 30, 2015 at 13:48

        Only if you let Ruber make it.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke March 30, 2015 at 19:47

        Which I won’t!

  6. 68 walt walker March 17, 2015 at 15:57

    I didn’t know you could get any older, Old Sport. But well done! Have a happy day and enjoy your cherry cake and cashews!

    • 69 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:11

      Thank you, Mr. Walker. I’ll be getting to our thing soon. You’re brilliant. And it’ll be great working with you.

    • 70 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:11

      Tell Dick thank you as well.

  7. 71 InfiniteZip March 17, 2015 at 15:42

    Happy birthday wise punchy one!!!! Woo hoo…party on.

    • 72 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:10

      *smiles bigly* Did the unicorns come for the party?

      • 73 InfiniteZip March 18, 2015 at 09:11

        They didn’t come home last night, so they must have.🎂

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:25

        I’ve been feeding them some cake.

      • 75 InfiniteZip March 18, 2015 at 19:58

        You’re not getting them fat, are you?

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:02

        Yes!!!

      • 77 InfiniteZip March 20, 2015 at 08:36

        Oh my, they are insecure you know….they will develop a complex…I,will have to take them to the stable of treadmills….sigh…but send some back with them please.

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2015 at 18:20

        *laughs* I sure will! Can I keep one?

      • 79 InfiniteZip March 21, 2015 at 13:18

        Which one? What color are the hooves?

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke March 22, 2015 at 18:37

        This one has red hooves.

      • 81 InfiniteZip March 23, 2015 at 09:43

        Ah, the trouble maker….Yep, keep her….but she will run away on you…be warned…and she’s a trickster too.

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke March 23, 2015 at 20:23

        Should I put a bullet in her leg?

      • 83 InfiniteZip March 24, 2015 at 13:00

        No, that wouldn’t be necessary…she always comes back for cake and yummy vittles….

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 20:03

        Does she eat grass?

      • 85 InfiniteZip March 24, 2015 at 20:40

        Nah, too beneath her…she likes dark chocolate so beware….and she will drink your wine if give. The chance….bad little Rosie .

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2015 at 11:43

        Rosie! Is that her name? And wine. I better watch her!

      • 87 InfiniteZip March 25, 2015 at 15:47

        Rosie red hooves…likes red wine best….

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke March 25, 2015 at 20:49

        So! that’s her full name, I see.

      • 89 InfiniteZip March 26, 2015 at 13:01

        She doesn’t answer to it though…she’s rather petulant that way.

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke March 26, 2015 at 20:24

        I’ll spank her!

      • 91 InfiniteZip March 29, 2015 at 11:09

        I somehow think she may enjoy that…

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke March 29, 2015 at 18:31

        She’d enjoy a spanking?!

      • 93 InfiniteZip March 29, 2015 at 19:56

        She’s a little strange that way….don’t you like them?

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke March 30, 2015 at 12:06

        Well, yes, but she eats a lot.

      • 95 InfiniteZip March 30, 2015 at 23:12

        Hmmm…is she getting too wide ? Maybe you need to ride her…exercise does a girl good and she canters so very nicely🐴

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke March 31, 2015 at 11:48

        But I can’t ride horses!

  8. 97 Angeline M March 17, 2015 at 15:18

    Happiest of birthdays to you!

    • 98 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:10

      Thank you so much! *gives some cherry brandy*

  9. 99 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 17, 2015 at 15:09

    Happy Birthday, Duketh! And on St. Patrick’s Day…I mean St. Patrick’s Day is on your birthday! What a wonder, for sure. I hope you’re wearing green, little bits only, along with your birthday hat. How old does this make you? 101? I’ve lost count. I hope those sweet ladies all surprised you! They did a fabulous job, I think. You are so very fortunate to have such friends. Enjoy every minute of your day!

    • 100 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:10

      I haven’t worn an ounce of green all day! A wonder, I know. *embarrassed* Well…how old do you really suppose me? Be honest now!

      Aren’t you all the best? It’s touching. Very truly is. I was shocked out of my boots. It was awesome.

      • 101 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 18, 2015 at 00:17

        No green? You wanted pinched! How fun for you. *smiles* No reason to be embarrassed. Does such a coincidence make you a leprechaun? No idea of your age. I’m glad you were surprised. Happy Birthday, Duke!

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:24

        Nah, not an ounce. Rats indeed. A Leprechaun? I’m that evil one from the horror movie.

      • 103 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 18, 2015 at 21:12

        An evil Leprechaun? Not sure how you sleep at night, you know!

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:03

        With my katana!

      • 105 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 20, 2015 at 03:10

        I suppose so…sounds dreadful!

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2015 at 18:19

        Oh no, it’s real shiny.

      • 107 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 23, 2015 at 00:00

        Really?

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke March 23, 2015 at 20:23

        Of course not!

      • 109 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 24, 2015 at 03:19

        You like confusing me.

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 12:21

        I like doing that to everyone, I fear.

      • 111 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 24, 2015 at 13:55

        And you’re good at it.

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 20:10

        *smiles proudly* Aw!

      • 113 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 25, 2015 at 01:13

        *sparkles*

  10. 114 Debbie March 17, 2015 at 14:48

    Happy Birthday, PVJ — I’m wearing GREEN Converse to celebrate the occasion (and St. Paddy’s Day, too, you know you know!!)

    • 115 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:09

      Green converse! That makes me want to celebrate the sudden. Super cool. Thanks so much for yours and Dallas’ contribution. It was awesome.

      • 116 Debbie March 18, 2015 at 20:14

        We’re glad you approved! Wearing green Converse is perfect for St. Paddy’s Day — and for Duke’s birthday (though we realize he’d have preferred red!) Hope it was a GOOD celebration!

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:02

        It certainly was! Yes, red would be cool. Red is tops, I hear.

  11. 118 sonmi upon the Cloud March 17, 2015 at 14:47

    Glad you enjoyed it Professor, the response is without doubt testament to how much your friends think of you. Happy Birthday from sonmi and the Cloud! x

    – sonmi letting off party poppers from upon the Cloud

    • 119 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:08

      You’re all great. I laughed very muchly much at your writing. Thanks, Sonmi. I’m very old the sudden.

      • 120 sonmi upon the Cloud March 18, 2015 at 00:58

        You’re only as old as the wowawee you feel Prof. *winks*

        – sonmi laughing upon the Cloud

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:24

        I feel…like 150 the sudden.

      • 122 sonmi upon the Cloud March 18, 2015 at 18:52

        Hahahaha, oh dear. No, no, no. *sonmi knows that the Professor is a hit with the young laydeez*

        – sonmi winking upon the Cloud

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke March 19, 2015 at 23:02

        Me? Oh no. I’m heartless, remember.

      • 124 sonmi upon the Cloud March 20, 2015 at 07:49

        *gives him his last present – a huge psychedelic patterned box with a bow the size of a Jack Russel, he opens it and finds his heart wrapped in tissue paper and starburst sweets. * – stole it back from the wicked witch who pilfered it in the first place sir. My work here is done – *nods and flies off with a swish of an imaginary cape*.

        – s.u.t.Cloudy

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke March 20, 2015 at 18:19

        I love starburst sweets! Well, thank you very much, Sonmi. Should I put it back in?

      • 126 sonmi upon the Cloud March 20, 2015 at 22:07

        All the best people do, and yes, best had do. Sonmi will keep it safe until you need it in battle or the like. *nods*

        – s.u.t.C

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke March 22, 2015 at 18:36

        You should throw it in the sea.

      • 128 sonmi upon the Cloud March 22, 2015 at 19:03

        *grabs it and throws it high across the clouds, then watches it fall into the Pacific ocean, down The Challenger Deep, and into the depths of The Mariana Trench.*

        – sonmi just following orders guvnor upon the Cloud

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke March 23, 2015 at 20:21

        *mouth drops* Oh, how you hate my heart!

      • 130 sonmi upon the Cloud March 23, 2015 at 20:35

        Gosh you are a fickle one! Luckily one of my dear friends is a siren of the Pacific and I had her catch it just in case.

        – sonmi laughing upon the Cloud

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke March 23, 2015 at 20:38

        *laughs* But…maybe we should just burn it.

      • 132 sonmi upon the Cloud March 23, 2015 at 21:02

        *smacks his face with a giant Haddock (live and up for a smooch)*

        – sonmi taking no nonsense upon the cloud

      • 133 Professor VJ Duke March 24, 2015 at 12:14

        *laughing* Ow! No smooching here!

  12. 134 Jackie March 17, 2015 at 13:57

    Happy Birthday, Professor! :-D

    • 135 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:07

      Thanks, Jackie!!!

  13. 136 L. Marie March 17, 2015 at 13:53

    Happy birthday, Professor!!! I’m wearing a bowtie to commemorate the occasion! :-D Alas, it does not match my formal gown.

    • 137 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:07

      Aw! That looks awesome on you. No need to worry about matching, I generally don’t. Thanks bunches! I’m old now.

      • 138 L. Marie March 18, 2015 at 13:15

        “You’re not getting older. You’re getting better.” I heard that on a commercial once. It might have been a commercial for hair color though . . . which probably doesn’t help.

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2015 at 18:28

        *laughing lots* I have gray hair, the sudden.

    • 140 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:08

      Loved your poem, too.

  14. 141 masgautsen March 17, 2015 at 13:40

    Happy birthday!

    • 142 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:07

      Thank you so much! I appreciate it. And I’m so old, the sudden.

      • 143 masgautsen March 17, 2015 at 22:09

        I think your supposed to be only as old as you feel

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke March 17, 2015 at 22:16

        Well, I feel 100. And it’s a wonder.


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