“Books come in many different shapes and sizes.”
“So do people, but that doesn’t make them special.”
You have to feel a bit bad for Ms. Higgins–at least, just a bit, bits, and little bits. Being a Librarian is a hard job, I hear.
Not only must you stack and organize books that look the same, you begin to smell like a book after some time.
And you also have to deal with fistfights.
So, as this professor was making his way out of the library, I had this thought: I should probably help Ms. Higgins deal with those two rapscallions.
The professor sighed and turned around, and made my way back to that exciting place in the library. (You know, it’s by the fire that’s never lit. Must be fake.)
“Absolutely no fighting in the library!” Ms. Higgins was saying. “I don’t like it. Plus, it disturbs everyone.”
Now this library is big. I’m sure there were more people around, but I didn’t seem them.
“Now, now,” Shaun Divine soothed, “there’s nothing wrong with a little fistfight, you little lady.” (The stilts don’t really count, see.) “We’re just going to have a show of strength, that’s it.”
“Oh no we’re not!” Ruber Salami said. “I’ve been ordered to bash your head into a bookshelf!”
“That’s enough!” Sandra Salami yelled. “I don’t want a fight. This stops NOW.”
Wow. That really shot down the situation a bit. Everyone was staring at Sandra.
It was time.
“I agree,” I said, stepping forward. “It’s much better to stop things NOW”–I yelled it just like her–“then later. If things are stopped later, then things aren’t stopped sooner in the NOW.”
I thought it was a good argument, really.
“Idiot,” Ruber said.
Shaun Divine looked at Ruber. “I don’t know what they’re talking about, my man, but have a go with you, I will.”
And Divine swung. I think Ruber blocked it. A second later they were rolling about the floor.
“Stop it at once, P.VJ!” Ms. Higgins yelled. She’d gone white, I fear.
I looked at Sandra.
“Just do it,” she said.
And so this professor did.
I jumped onto the pile, and the real battle began.
We fought for hours an hours–it seemed.
At the end, I think I won. I had the least amount of battle scars, and I dished out the most punishment, I’m rather sure.
As Shaun Divine, Ruber Salami, and I were being transported to the Police Station in the back of a cruiser, Divine remarked:
“Nothing like a good fistfight, lads.”