To say: “I’m perfect in my imperfection,” is akin to saying: “I’m skinny in this fat body,” or “I love flying on the ground.” It’s better left unsaid. ~ V. Shnodgrate
When the professor shops, he usually doesn’t. After all, shopping is time-consuming and rather wastes time in the extreme.
But sometimes you have to go out searching. For instance, if you wake up some morning and find that you don’t have a pan that is suitable for cooking an omelet, then you probably should go and get one.
So, that’s what I was about as I strolled through one particular outlet mall.
Now, here’s the vexing thing: I’m rather sure outlet malls are built like mazes on purpose. They want to keep you in, see.
That doesn’t work with this professor. I was just about to give up and leave (without the pan; I’d just cook beets or something) when I found a store.
It was called: Every Shape & Size Cookware.
This was the ticket.
I went through the door, and the little bell-noise thingy announced me. That was vexing, I must add.
And then I began searching for an omelet pan.
This professor searched for about an hour before I gave up and went over to the registers.
“See here,” I began, “do you have an omelet pan?”
The girl seemed a bit confused—that’s normal, I hear.
“An omelet pan?” she repeated. “You’re searching for an omelet pan?”
“I know that,” I replied. “Do you suppose they have one in this store?”
She was very uncomfortable the sudden. “I’m so sorry, but I’ve never heard of an omelet pan. I’m sure we have something that might work, though.”
“Oh…” I was stumped.
She disappeared and reappeared with this:
“Would this work?” she asked.
“Umm…I’m a bit unsure…but I suppose it will.”
As I was leaving, I regretted it. Omelets aren’t square are they? How, then, could they be cooked in a square pan? Not much of anything useful was square. Except classical musicians.
I suppose it was worth a try, dadblameit.
And it didn’t work.
Moral of the story: Never get a square object to do a circular object’s job.