Political Function

There is a principle similarity between the veiled insult, the humorous insult, the direct insult, and the complimentary insult: Each is an insult. ~ V. Shnodgrate



The Commissioner was a blunt fellow.

He had a blunt nose.

Blunt forehead.

And blunt mouth.

He was indeed a blunt fellow.

Now, I don’t tell you this to scare you; rather, I mention it just because the other day this professor was attending a political function that he was throwing.

It was a dressy occasion, so I thought I’d put on a tie. And there is a main problem with ties: They get tight about the neck.

So, this professor had it loosened. It wagged about happily, too.

Anyways and a few, when I arrived, I was lost.

You see, this political function was being held in a hotel, and hotels are larger than one assumes. That is the exact reason I made my way to a triangular fellow who was behind a short desk. (Triangular: His cheekbones and chin made a perfect obtuse triangle.)

“Hello, sir,” I said, engaging contact,. “Now see here, where is the political function taking place, if you don’t mind?”

And I fear he cast a supercilious eye on me. “This is a dressy event.”

“That’s why I’m wearing this tie here.” I waved it broadly so he could see it.

The sad part is I don’t think he did. His eyes stayed locked on mine.

Then he said: “I sell drinks.”

“My apologies,” I said. “I took you for a fellow that new the way. I see that you do not. Weren’t you invited?”

“Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“I doubt it, since you haven’t helped me yet. You know…strike that and reverse it. I’d like a drink.”

Mr. Triangle sighed. “What would you like?”

“Umm…” I began.

It wasn’t the best of beginnings, agreed, but I might’ve been at a loss.

“Give me the usual.” And I was confident in this answer—at first.

“There is no usual.”

“Okay…” I said. “I’ll have some of this”—I indicated a bottle—“a bit of that, some of this bottle here, a bit of that, and…oh, that cherry and olive right there.”

He stared for the longest time. Then he made it, and handed it to me.

I sipped it—it was awful.

“$56,” he said.

“Put it on my bill,” I said.

And I left, turning the corner quickly.

I did move quickly, since I could hear him calling after me. I don’t think he was happy. Imagine a $56 drink! A toggogin.

Anyway, I made it to where the convention was taking place. It was in a ballroom.

The first thing I noticed was that everyone was drinking something. I took another sip of the concoction that dull fellow had forced on me. It was probably a mistake.

I ventured further into the room.

There was a young lady standing with a fellow who was wearing a castle on his bow tie. (It’s the new thing: Imprinting things on bow ties.)

“I just don’t know!” the young lady was saying. Very melodramatically, too. “It takes me so long to get ready for such events. I really can’t believe I ever get ready. Do you know—”she was having speaks with the fellow, but I think she wanted everyone to pay an ear or two to what she was saying—“do you know it took me a full five hours to get ready?”

The fellow just shook his head and smiled.

I had to say something, you know, you know.

The professor moved closer.

The fellow cast a strange glass towards my drink. “That’s an interesting drink. A cherry and an olive.”

“Look here for a second,” I began, “it takes everyone just as long to get ready. Going over a certain time period is referred to in the jungle as ‘self-inflicted torture.’ And ladies, I fear, generally do that, and then blame the consequences on the fellows. Case closed. And—look!—there’s a period.”

That caught the lady and made her cranky. “Really?” she said.

I nodded. “I wouldn’t lie so blatantly. Look! I had to get ready.”

She cast an eye at my loosened tie—which I waved (I’m always waving ties, I fear)—and said: “Pleeeeeeeeease.” That was accompanied by a roll of the eyes.

The fellow chuckled a bit.

“You may not,” I said.

“What?!” the lady asked.

“I don’t know you well enough first off,” I replied, “and besides Mr. Triangle made it specially for me.”

“What are you talking about?” the fellow said.

And I did my best to looked shocked. “Well, I though the lady was asking if she could please have a sip of my fantastic drink. And I must say I have to refuse.”

The conversation ended there, thankfully, as the Commissioner stood to speak.


125 Responses to “Political Function”

  1. 1 Michelle April 21, 2015 at 17:39

    Hello good sir… may I ask why you stare at my lips. :P

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke April 22, 2015 at 14:50

      *laughs* Who, this professor? Or…are you being attacked! There’s always scamps about, you know.

      • 3 Michelle April 23, 2015 at 06:29

        Hehe, oh I know! :P

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2015 at 16:18

        And what do you know?

      • 5 Michelle April 27, 2015 at 15:55

        I know how to make a jello cake :)

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2015 at 20:40

        *laughs* Aha! A cherry one?

      • 7 Michelle April 28, 2015 at 22:54

        Any flavor you want. You can even mix and match. :)

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:24

        Is there blueberry?

      • 9 Michelle April 29, 2015 at 20:09

        Absolutely! Could add vodka and make it blueberry bomb :P

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 12:52

        Vodka! Goodness. That would be harsh dessert, madam.

      • 11 Michelle May 1, 2015 at 18:55

        I like it rough what can I say. :P Haha Kidding, really. I’m happy with just a glass of wine.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2015 at 18:32

        Red, pink, blue or cherry?

      • 13 Michelle May 4, 2015 at 02:15

        I prefer red personally, but pink is nice.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke May 4, 2015 at 19:56

        So picky!

      • 15 Michelle May 9, 2015 at 06:23

        can’t help it ;)

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:14

        Dadblameit, you can!

      • 17 Michelle May 11, 2015 at 07:09

        The force is strong with this one!

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:42

        Ooo! How exciting.

  2. 19 John W. Howell April 14, 2015 at 13:15

    I’m glad you did not fall for the pleeeeeeeeeese ruse and offer a sip. You must be careful of others lips. Loose lips sink professors

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 19:33

      *nods* *and laughs* Very true. Do you suppose the olive and cherry attracted her?

      • 21 John W. Howell April 14, 2015 at 20:52

        Rare combination so I suppose so.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 11:29

        It was a green olive.

      • 23 John W. Howell April 15, 2015 at 12:14

        Ha ha ha. I mean the red cherry and green olive in the same glass.

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 17:06

        *Laughing* Oh! Quite right. He was messing with me.

  3. 25 Simply Skeptical April 14, 2015 at 00:43

    Yes. I agree the drink did get to you. What a crazy party…..

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 11:58

      Wasn’t it, though?

  4. 27 Julie Harris April 13, 2015 at 21:35

    That must be one fancy drink! Ties are no fun! Maybe next time you could wear a bowtie instead?

    • 28 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 11:58

      You have a point…but do bowties constrict as badly?

      • 29 Julie Harris April 14, 2015 at 12:00

        Not if they are the clip-on kind!

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 19:27

        Good point! A red one would be nice.

  5. 31 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 13, 2015 at 19:49

    *waits for more* Why do your stories always end before I’m ready? I laughed so much, Duke. Like this: * giggles with intellectual knowhow* I like a loose tie. Handsome. A blunt commissioner sounds like a man who has nearly no wavering thoughts. I like that. The woman the man was entertaining would have annoyed me. Not everyone cares how she spent her time getting ready. Why do some women feel the need to over share? I’d rather undershare, for sure. Just so I have no idea how to relate to such people. A cherry and a olive? Hmm. Maybe if they’re on opposite sides of the glass.

    • 32 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 11:57

      Well, there will be a sequel, I think! It’s such a strange occurrence. That lady… Yes, you do do that. And it’s much better. Makes one more interested,see. It takes about five minutes to get ready, you know. She didn’t know that–the bloke.

      Loosened ties don’t hurt the neck. More comfortable, I’d say.

      Well, they were snuggling together.

      • 33 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 14, 2015 at 14:00

        I was hoping there would be a bit more to the story. *cheers quietly* Comes with being shy, you see. Well, more than five minutes!! Okay, see how much worse the story is when you add that she didn’t even know him. She and I need to talk…she needs lessons on how to behave.

        Yes, and then the necks are handsome looking.

        Snuggling! Haha. How sweet and salty of them.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 19:38

        More than five? How much more? 15? Yes, you need to have speaks with her. I think you must tell her that she should be nicer.

        Necks?! They are not!!

        *laughs* Sweet and salty. Sounds professorish.

      • 35 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 14, 2015 at 20:46

        30 minutes, tops! No more than 60 minutes if she’s feeling cranky. That is more than enough time, I’d say. Nicer? I didn’t say she had to be nice, Duketh. Just that she shouldn’t bore him to death.

        Sure they are!

        Yes, and like yummy popcorn.

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 11:26

        A half-hour! Well…I still insist it could be done in 15 minutes. (Bet Mr. Warrior agrees!)

        No! No! No!

        *laughs* Now that is a point.

      • 37 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 15, 2015 at 13:59

        I suppose it all depends on the eye of the beholder. Isn’t that the old saying… Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so yeah. 15 minutes for the right person. Women are a little more critical. (He surely does. He is manly after all.)

        *shocked face* Goodness.

        Finally! A point! I’m winning, I think.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 17:10

        I do like that saying lots. You’re right. Unless a fellow has to wear a bow tie. Now that would take forever! (That’s a point for me.)

        It’s a tie!

      • 39 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 15, 2015 at 22:28

        Tis a good saying, you know. He just needs more practice at tying the bow tie or he needs a lady who is a wizard to do so quickly. (How was that a point? Lady Wizard = 2 points)

        I’m way ahead now!

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke April 16, 2015 at 11:52

        *laughs* Okay, you might win 2 points for that, but I get about 5 points for just being the professor. Doesn’t that seem somewhat fair?

      • 41 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 16, 2015 at 19:35

        Not fair at all, actually. What makes you so great, huh?

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:32

        My hat and pipe!

      • 43 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 20, 2015 at 03:44

        You have a point. A good point!

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2015 at 22:58


  6. 45 Debbie April 13, 2015 at 18:11

    Dear Shnoddy has summarized perfectly again! An insult is an insult, and I’ve never heard of a proper drink-seller making nasty comments to invited guests! And what was he thinking anyways? Selling a drink for $56? What did you buy, the entire bar??

    As for the primping lady, five hours to get ready for anything seems a bit extreme to me. Maybe if it had been her wedding day. No, on second thought, she shouldn’t have needed a complete overhaul even for that!!

    And sir, you need to make up your mind. Was that drink “awful,” or was it “fantastic”? Your story, your description, but I find it hard to imagine something that could be BOTH!

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 11:56

      *laughing* He was being a beast! Do you suppose I should have just left the drink there? It was horrible.

      Quite right! All you have to do is “get read”. And I did that. It takes about five minutes, right?

      *laughing lots* You got me! Well…it started tasting better see…

      • 47 Debbie April 14, 2015 at 17:28

        Since you didn’t pay for it, yes, I’d have probably abandoned it, perhaps near a potted plant??

        No. More than five minutes. Takes that long just to win the battle of the closet!

        Aha! Tasting better the more you drank of it? Now you really must share what it was you were drinking!!

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 19:38

        *shocked* But…what if it killed the plant?

        Well…I do it in that time…how about 15?

        *laughs* I can’t! It was…an odd color.

  7. 49 Jackie April 13, 2015 at 16:58

    What were you drinking a Shirley Temple in Manhattan?

    • 50 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 11:55

      Hey now! Well, I’m not too good with drinks. But mine had an olive…if that helps.

      • 51 Jackie April 14, 2015 at 12:01

        It had an olive and a cherry, right?

      • 52 Jackie April 14, 2015 at 12:04

        Oh and I don’t know much about drinks just thought Shirley Temple In Manhattan sounded funny.

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 19:27

        *laughs* It sure does.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 19:27

        It did! Imagine that.

      • 55 Jackie April 14, 2015 at 19:29

        Sounds strange!

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 19:39

        Like the professor, you must admit.

      • 57 Jackie April 14, 2015 at 19:45

        I’d say that it was a perfect pairing. :-D

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 11:24

        You know, I think you’re absolutely correct, madam!

  8. 59 L. Marie April 13, 2015 at 16:07

    Did this drink fizz or was it neat on the rocks? Were you given an umbrella with it also? And perhaps an appetizer?
    Many fancy shindigs offer free beverages. Perhaps you should hand the $56 drink bill to the commissioner, the lady who took five hours to get dressed, or to the gentleman with her. I’m sure any one of them could afford it.

    • 60 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 11:53

      It was…on the rocks. Because that sounds cool, the sudden. No umbrella sadly. But there was a cherry. And no appetizer! Can you believe it?

      I bet you’re right. Plus, I bet the price was knocked up by that triangular bloke. I’ll give it to the commissioner.

  9. 61 walt walker April 13, 2015 at 14:44

    That drink sounds like a heck of a drink. What do you call it? I wouldn’t want a cherry on mine, though. About the olive…black or green? Pitted or no? Come come, let’s have it.

    • 62 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 11:51

      It was pitted with a pit and it was yellowish. Why not a cherry?

      • 63 walt walker April 14, 2015 at 12:46

        Too small, too red, too squirty. Cherries are my enemy.

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 19:29

        And you didn’t mention the tooth-breaker inside.

      • 65 walt walker April 14, 2015 at 20:44

        That’s right. Because I break tooth breakers with my teeth. I destroy them.

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 11:25

        *laughs* You must needs teach me the secret. I’d like to do that sort of thing, please.

  10. 67 Susan P April 13, 2015 at 14:01

    I’m a Libertarian.

    • 68 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 11:50

      In what sense of the word?

      • 69 Susan P April 14, 2015 at 13:55

        “The best government is that which governs least.” (Attributed to Thomas Jefferson)

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 19:36

        *laughing* I’ll drink to that. *gives Susan a glass of professorish wine*

      • 71 Susan P April 14, 2015 at 19:43

        Exactly. I don’t necessarily agree with all of the tenets, but I do appreciate them letting me to disagree. *slurps*

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 11:23

        Isn’t it fun to disagree with everything? Especially the gardeners?

      • 73 Susan P April 15, 2015 at 12:47

        Gardeners are a mess at the best of times.

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 17:07

        That’s what I was thinking. Poison ivy and all that.

      • 75 Susan P April 15, 2015 at 17:18

        But, what will you eat without them?

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke April 16, 2015 at 11:47

        Carrots? Or something like that. How about Eat a Peach?

      • 77 Susan P April 16, 2015 at 12:16

        What is that you said? You are going to eat carrots and call them peaches?

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:20

        *laughs* I’m sorry. It’s a…well…it’s a name of an album.

      • 79 Susan P April 17, 2015 at 01:32

        Well I never. No, I never did. I think that FF has reason to be upset.

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:37

        Well. I do forget the band. Really?

      • 81 Susan P April 17, 2015 at 01:39

        Maybe really. I can’t play my cello in the band, you know.

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2015 at 20:37

        Yes, I know: it broke, right?

      • 83 Susan P April 20, 2015 at 01:40

        Well, actually, it was working undercover with a piccolo and the piccolo strangled her around her neck.

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2015 at 22:48

        I hear that piccolos can do that sort of thing. We should hunt them.

      • 85 Susan P April 21, 2015 at 01:04

        How would you begin?

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke April 22, 2015 at 14:43

        I think I’d steal them from orchestra members.

      • 87 Susan P April 22, 2015 at 14:56

        How will you deal with the kettle drum?

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2015 at 16:03

        I think I’ll bang it a few times!

      • 89 Susan P April 24, 2015 at 21:36

        Gently, gently.

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2015 at 20:20

        Once hard, please.

      • 91 Susan P April 26, 2015 at 22:11

        The tympanum will chase you into a treble clef.

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2015 at 20:37

        *laughs* That’s good! I’m up for a chase.

      • 93 Susan P April 28, 2015 at 23:12

        I’d like to see you dressed as a treble clef. It might be . Then you can be a bass clef.

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:25

        Wouldn’t I look a bit silly?

      • 95 Susan P April 29, 2015 at 22:11

        I would think you could take a “rest” if you get tired.

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 13:00

        *laughs* I would take plenty of those.

      • 97 Susan P April 30, 2015 at 13:38

        I hear that ! Maybe you could find some at American Music.

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2015 at 17:52

        I’d take whole rests; not half rests.

      • 99 Susan P May 1, 2015 at 23:07

        I guess that would definitely be more restful.

  11. 100 FictionFan April 13, 2015 at 12:38

    Welly, well, well! I believe I saw a newspaper article about this meeting…


    Last night, at a meeting the Commissioner had convened to discuss his new plan for world peace and prosperity for all, audience attention was disrupted by the sight of Prof VJ Duke (85), who has claimed in the past to be a heartless warrior, flirting shamelessly with the first girl he bumped into. Some felt this was a sign of his final metamorphosis into a fickle flirt, a rumour founded on the undeniable fact that he was sporting a Darby-esque kisscurl. Others thought his behaviour was no more than a shameless advertising ploy for his new line of ‘Philandering Pants’ – for what other reason, they asked, would he have turned up at a political meeting in orange and yellow tartan breeches?

    When asked to clarify, the Professor replied “Oh, huff-hum, madam!” and accidentally dipped his waggly tie in his cherry and olive gin sling…”

    • 101 Susan P April 13, 2015 at 13:55

      I needed a good laugh, FEF. The Professor must have brought some of that beverage home with him.

    • 102 L. Marie April 13, 2015 at 16:01

      Ha ha ha!!!! I wondered what you would say! I’m picturing the Darby-esque kisscurl. :-)

      • 103 FictionFan April 13, 2015 at 16:29

        If you look very closely at the picture at the beginning of his Guitar Wars vid – the right-hand Professor – you’ll see it… *swoons and offers LM her smelling salts*

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 11:54

        No, no, no, no! It’s all a lie. Don’t believe it, Linda!

      • 105 FictionFan April 14, 2015 at 21:39


      • 106 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 11:37

        A roar for you!

    • 107 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 11:50

      *gulps* Okay…what newspaper published this? I mean, it’s quite…well…imagine! And I don’t have a kisscurl…only Darby does. He took out the patent on that.

      What’s an olive gin sling? That’s an interest.

      Look here, Aravis, I DON’T flirt! I was just having speaks with her and ripping her!

      • 108 FictionFan April 14, 2015 at 21:33

        The Kirkintilloch Times – they have paparazzi following you wherever you go, you know, you know. Oh, but it’s so sweet that you’ve copied him…

        I don’t know, but people used to drink gin slings back before BUS was born – I’m guessing there’s gin in it. *nods wisely*

        Uh-huh! I bet Tash wouldn’t have made for the first girlie he saw…

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 11:32

        Couldn’t you protect me from them? You know…attack them when they try to attack me? I have not copied him! No! Neither! Not!!

        Hmm…I think you’re laughing me to scorn, madam. I’m older than BUS, you know.

        That’s true…would you turn me back into Tash, please?

      • 110 FictionFan April 15, 2015 at 17:06

        Nah, that’s the PEP’s job, like having dessert fights with Amelia. So, clearly not my job any more. *goes off to look for a new job*

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 17:16

        *mouth drops* Who said that wasn’t your job anymore?!

      • 112 FictionFan April 15, 2015 at 17:21

        Some things don’t need to be said. Can’t believe you and the new PEP are actually going to use the Amelia dessert fight scenario though. Have fun!

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke April 16, 2015 at 11:47

        *taps fingers* Hmm…you’re such a funny.

  12. 114 PorterGirl April 13, 2015 at 11:24

    I like the bit about the insults very much, I must say. I am a fan of amusing insults. I hope someone pays me a complimentary insult one day.
    Such a shame that your tie was not shown the correct degree of appreciation that it rightly deserves, you know. I suspect that triangular chap was jealous of it and made the drink nasty on purpose. At least there was a cherry in it to save the day.
    Five hours to get ready seems rather excessive. If I look that long I would expect to look like I was made of gold or something! Now, if she had the Amazing Pants she could be ready in just a jiffy. What a silly lady.

    • 115 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 11:34

      *laughs* You actually want an insult! You would too. I think you’re a warrior.

      The cherry was black! Imagine. Who has black cherries?! Aren’t ties better untucked anyway?

      *laughing lots* She can’t have them! I almost threw my drink on her!

      • 116 PorterGirl April 14, 2015 at 13:06

        I have a hint of warrior about me, certainly. Sometimes an insult is better than being ignored, you know.
        A black cherry! I believe they are sweeter than the red kind. But I am hardly an expert. Ties are best when they flap about, like a little flag.
        *laughing hugely* No she cannot! The swinelett. Perhaps she is a friend of that dastardly Amelia. She seems the type. I would say it would be a waste of a good drink, but if it was horrible anyway it wouldn’t have mattered.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2015 at 19:33

        That’s a good point. Means the person is paying attention.

        Very true! No one wants a tie clip anyway.

        Did you know Amelia is very, very wealthy? An heiress.

      • 118 PorterGirl April 15, 2015 at 05:03

        Is she now? Then she can buy us lunch. A large one, at that.

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 11:38

        Yes, let’s make her. You know what…maybe that’s a future story right there! But you’d have to beat her for me.

      • 120 PorterGirl April 15, 2015 at 11:39

        Brilliant idea – we needs must write that, I am thinking. Amelia takes us to lunch and then I beat her. Possibly in order to steal her dessert… I shall have thinks on it!

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2015 at 17:05

        *laughs* Stealing dessert…I bet that’s a hard pastime. But you’d be good at it!

      • 122 PorterGirl April 15, 2015 at 18:25

        I am not sure whether that is a compliment or not! Maybe it is one of those complimentary insult thingummies! *laughs*

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke April 16, 2015 at 11:49

        *laughing* Well…let’s just say I wish I could steal dessert. I’ve tried, you know.

      • 124 PorterGirl April 16, 2015 at 11:52

        The next time I am out and about dessert stealing, I shall show you how it’s done.

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke April 16, 2015 at 11:58

        Yes, please. I always have opportunities for it.

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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