Political Function, Part 2

DSCN1014So, the Commissioner stood to speak.

And this professor yawned.

You know how it is: Speakers are usually dadblame boring. It’s like a curse of sorts.

As a result of that, this professor began to look about a bit. Now, that’s when I saw name tags. The annoying young lady’s name was Mrs. Kohl, and the fellows name was Mr. Kohl.

I felt bad for them immediately.

Now the interest is, this professor was not wearing a name tag. At first, I was glad. I prefer not to be announced. At second, I was insulted. Why wasn’t I good enough to get a name tag? At third, I decided to cause some mischief.

Now, the Commissioner was still speaking. And about nothing in particular. He was dribbling on and on.

The professor took another sip from that drink–you know, the one Mr. Triangle gave me, the one with an olive and a cherry in it–then I moved forward to the podium.

I ascended the stage, walked over to the Commissioner, wrapped my arm around him, and then gently shoved him out of the way.

It wasn’t at all my fault he couldn’t keep his balance, and that he landed in the midst of the Kohls.

A bit of an exclamation went up, you know.

One thing we can conclude: The Commissioner’s security was horrid and a few.

“Good evening to most of you,” I said, through the mic attached to the podium. “I would wish you all a good evening, but I fear you might get the wrong idea and think I like you all very well. I probably don’t. In fact, I probably like only a handful of you because we never met. If we met, I probably wouldn’t like you either.”

There were more exclamations at this, but I was thirsty. That drink, see, was becoming tasty. I maybe took another sip.

And that’s when Mrs. Kohl spoke up: “Is someone going to stop him?”

“Where’s security?” another lady cried out.

“I don’t know!” a beefy fellow said. “But let’s get ‘im down from there!”

The Commissioner had sorta recovered. I say, he had a bump on his head.

But I wasn’t finished.

“Now, then,” I said. “We should have speaks about something that is close to all of our hearts. But it might hurt. That’s the way of it. Things that are close to your heart sometimes hurt the worst. And that’s just because ‘heart’ and ‘hurt’ are so close. Think about it. The only difference betwixt them is an ‘e’ and ‘u.’ And should we let those little differences bother us? I say not, gentlemen!”

And I think that was it.

A few of the fellows had grouped together and were coming up.

Parting words: “A good evening and a good thanks to you!”

And the professor threw the contents of my drink into the air. Everyone should get to enjoy it. Then, I fled through the doors.

I ran into a few police officers, I fear.

“He’s in there,” I said, pointing to the room I’d just vacated.

They rushed in, and I continued to rush out.

Eventually, I came to Mr. Triangle.

“Good evening,” I said as I passed. “And if you ever make me a drink like that again: I’ll cut your eyes out.”

What an evening.

Moral: Don’t ever drink something with an olive and a cherry in it. It’s bad for one’s health.

Advertisements

121 Responses to “Political Function, Part 2”


  1. 1 John W. Howell April 17, 2015 at 00:59

    I would agree the green and red somehow caused a warp in which you were innocently taken advantage.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:36

      I know. Imagine. But doesn’t red and green go together. See, Christmas proves that. So I thought I was safe.

      • 3 John W. Howell April 17, 2015 at 11:42

        You would think. Right?

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2015 at 20:42

        John, someone is messing with something.

      • 5 John W. Howell April 19, 2015 at 23:13

        I would say an understatement that looks like an overstatement, but may just be an aside.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2015 at 22:47

        *laughs* That’s good right there. Very good, you know.

  2. 7 Simply Skeptical April 16, 2015 at 22:59

    Whew! The olive and the cherry really brought out the beef in you Sir! Wise decision stay away from this lethal combo for sure.

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:35

      *laughs* The beef! Yes. Yes, quite right.

  3. 9 desertdweller29 April 16, 2015 at 20:05

    That’s definitely my kind of speech. I love when you decide to cause some mischief. Dare I say, that is when the Professor is at his finest.

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:35

      *smiles bigly and proudly* Why thank you, DD. I was strutting about after, I tell you. Was I dreadfully wicked?

      • 11 desertdweller29 April 17, 2015 at 03:25

        You were! But it suit you fabulously. :)

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2015 at 20:38

        You’re quite right. And I do think it’s because I’m a rat of sorts.

  4. 13 Nancy Loderick April 16, 2015 at 19:44

    Well Professor,

    That should teach them to not give you a name tag!

    Nancy

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:34

      *mouth drops* But…I want one! Talk to them for me, please.

  5. 15 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 16, 2015 at 19:27

    Duketh, you told me she didn’t know the man she was talking to and come to find out that they’re married? Sounds suspect, you know. And that was no way to behave in public. You have a reputation to watch out for, oh wait…no you don’t. My bad. Someone should have come with you, I think. I’m shocked at your behavior! Was this your first alcoholic beverage?? Contain yourself, Sir. (And be careful not to upset the commissioner. You’ll end up swimming with the fishes permanently. Yikes! )

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:32

      That’s true. You got me. *laughs* How does you always do that? Wait! Hold on for a few. Maybe they’re brother and sister? Maybe? Possibly?

      Now wait a minute! I don’t have a reputation? Of course I do! I’m the professor–of sorts. *laughs* Well…it was my first drink like that. Was I rottenly bad, Audith? (I’m going to take the C’s eyes!)

      • 17 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 20, 2015 at 03:43

        How do I always remember what you tell me? I’m brilliant, I guess. Brother and sister? Could be, huh?

        I think you do have a reputation, Duketh. And now tis tarnished! *laughs too* You were the highlight of the night, I’m sure.
        (Wowzers…you scare me.)

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2015 at 22:58

        Hmm… *stamps foot a bit* Unless…unless they’re married.

        But…but…it was your fault! (Isn’t that horrid? *proud*)

      • 19 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 21, 2015 at 03:48

        You don’t much care for my choice to placate you, do you? *folds her arms*
        I figured they were and I find it a fine wonder that she doesn’t know her husband.

        Not my fault!! No way possible. (Yes. You beast.)

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke April 22, 2015 at 14:44

        Well…maybe just a bit. Maybe her dad made her marry, and she just met him?

        You should’ve sent Mr. Warrior with me!

      • 21 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 22, 2015 at 21:56

        Maybe. Tis your story.

        Riiiight! Not! Sure I would…he’s proving to be more mature than both of us.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2015 at 16:14

        It’s a good one!

        Well…huff-hum. Who wants to be mature anyway?!

      • 23 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 24, 2015 at 21:28

        And a bit confusing! But you like me spinning so here I go…

        *laughs* Not us, I suppose?!

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2015 at 20:18

        Don’t get sick in the belly!

        Not me or you, quite right!

      • 25 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 27, 2015 at 02:26

        Huh?! *shouts as the wind picks up*

        If you say so!

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2015 at 20:39

        Is that a twister coming?

      • 27 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 29, 2015 at 01:51

        *searches for her dog* Get on your bike, Duke. Hurry quick!

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:27

        Let’s take the plane.

      • 29 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 29, 2015 at 21:55

        Who’s plane? And to where?

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 12:57

        Mine! To…mexico!

      • 31 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 30, 2015 at 19:41

        What? Why?

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2015 at 18:05

        To play a show?

      • 33 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 1, 2015 at 20:37

        Oh. Sounds encouraging.

  6. 34 Lisa April 16, 2015 at 18:30

    I hate it when I get drunk, shove the police commissioner and then have to evade the cops. Stupid hearts and I think Mr. Triangle got you drunk on purpose just so he could make a bunch of money.

    • 35 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:31

      You know, I bet that Mr. Triangle was up to something, the beast! I’ll take his eyes, I will. Have you ever had a cherry and olive in a drink?

      • 36 Lisa April 17, 2015 at 01:53

        Well he wanted your tie of course!!!!

        Yes, actually I had one tonight. I danced on the stage.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2015 at 20:37

        Aha! Well, if he would’ve asked nicer, I would’ve given it, you know.

        Did you? Very nice. I do hope you weren’t shoved anywhere.

      • 38 Lisa April 19, 2015 at 21:04

        I think he was just jealous. Why in the world would anyone shove me? Do you think I’m should be shoved?

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2015 at 22:47

        Well, on the humdingers in life should be shoved. And I doubt you’re a humdinger. But that chap I shoved…oh, he was one, you should now.

      • 40 Lisa April 20, 2015 at 22:49

        I believe you. :)

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2015 at 23:09

        *bows* Not many people do!

      • 42 Lisa April 20, 2015 at 23:10

        I’m aware. Lol. ;)

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke April 22, 2015 at 14:40

        Hey and a few!

      • 44 Lisa April 22, 2015 at 14:56

        Happy Earth Day. Rest your legs, smart one. :p

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2015 at 16:03

        My legs just fell off, I think. How come earth has a day and this professor doesn’t?!

      • 46 Lisa April 24, 2015 at 16:05

        OMG. Why not, indeed?! This must be Amelia’s fault. It’s cause you broke her gate. You better fix it!!! Wanna ride the dragon with me today?

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2015 at 16:20

        Sure! Where we going?

      • 48 Lisa April 24, 2015 at 16:22

        I don’t know yet. I thought we could just go! Maybe across the desert to the mountain stream. We’ll have a gypsy party. :)

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2015 at 20:13

        A gypsy party? Now that sounds dangerous, madam!

      • 50 Lisa April 26, 2015 at 20:16

        Don’t worry. They will let me take anything I can carry and I’m pretty sure I can you out. Just bring the spartan.

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2015 at 20:23

        The gun?

      • 52 Lisa April 26, 2015 at 20:24

        You lost it didn’t you?

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2015 at 20:33

        Umm…maybe just a bit?

      • 54 Lisa April 28, 2015 at 21:23

        I forgot what we were doing now. I think you distracted me. It must have been an otter plan.

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:23

        An otter plan? I think you should tell me our plans before we do them, madam!

      • 56 Lisa April 29, 2015 at 21:27

        I definitely should. Yes. I am actually agreeing with you. Go ahead. Freak out.

      • 57 Lisa April 29, 2015 at 21:28

        Oh. An otter plan – no thinking about the consequences ahead of time.

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 12:55

        *laughs* I like theses sort of plans. Okay, then. I’ll freak out by rampaging!

      • 59 Lisa April 30, 2015 at 14:38

        See. And here I thought “the Professor will be the voice of reason”! Hahaha. I forgot you’re wicked.

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2015 at 17:53

        *laughs* HOrribly wicked. And heartless, you know.

      • 61 Lisa May 1, 2015 at 18:49

        Did you just call me a HO? :p
        Yeah, well I know where you buried it! Mwahahahaha!

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2015 at 18:32

        You followed me! (What’s a HO?)

      • 63 Lisa May 3, 2015 at 19:18

        Wrong!!!! We were in the same place doing the same thing. As I recall, you surprised me! (Hahaha! )

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke May 4, 2015 at 19:51

        Well, dadblameit! (Ohhhhhhh…)

  7. 65 Princess Kick-ass April 16, 2015 at 18:00

    That was actually brilliant. Heart and hurt ARE indeed really close!

    • 66 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:30

      *bows* Thank you so much, PKa! Can I call you that?

      • 67 Princess Kick-ass April 17, 2015 at 04:59

        Yes you can, sir. Hey dont forget to join my blogging coachella ^_^

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2015 at 20:40

        Oh no! Did I miss it?

      • 69 Princess Kick-ass April 19, 2015 at 20:43

        Yeah : ( But you can still leave your link there!
        I’ll make another one at some point though ^_^

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2015 at 20:43

        Okay! I’m coming right now…

  8. 71 Heartafire April 16, 2015 at 14:28

    Hi Professor, I think the speech was more Bukowski than Mark T. I think it a fine speech. I will have to try the olive/cherry thing, where can I find this Mr. Triangle? :-)

    • 72 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:30

      Wow! Well…thank you so much, Hollie! *laughs* But are you sure you want to try the drink? It does strange things to one, you know.

      • 73 Heartafire April 17, 2015 at 13:01

        Laughing as well!

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2015 at 20:42

        *bows a bit*

  9. 75 Debbie April 16, 2015 at 14:21

    All this because you didn’t get a name tag?? Gee, Professor, you should be glad you didn’t, you know, for this way, no one knew who you were — and the police were too gardoobled to nab you on your way out!!

    Sounds as if the Commissioner had been sipping a bit of the same drink you were! Toppling off the stage?? And how generous of you to share the dadblame thing with the others, even if all they got was wet!

    You realize you might be jeopardizing any future invitations you get to functions like this, don’t you?? No matter. You had your say, and Mr. Triangle is probably still shaking in his boots from your parting threat!!

    • 76 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:29

      That is such a good point! Rats. Now I feel like I was being a spoiled brat. But, still, I mean…everyone gets a name tag! Even lowly guests! What’s that mean for me?! *rampages all over again*

      I know, right? I shared that magnificent drink with them. I think they were quite happy, too. The C is just a beast of a brute. Dallas would fetch him!

      *laughing* I know…don’t you suppose, though, I could pull a Mr. R and…just come uninvited?

  10. 77 L. Marie April 16, 2015 at 13:06

    Two and five gurgles, I’ve never been prouder of you in all my life. Now, if only Amelia had been one of those people into whom you shoved the commissioner. Then my pride would have reached its highest peak. Now, go find something to take for the hangover you’re sure to have. And you might want to hide out for a while. In fact, you might have to go on the lam with Manly-Man. I’m sure he’d go with you.

    • 78 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:25

      (Lovely PA!) *smiles bigly big* Gee, thanks! Well, if Amelia was there…why…why this professor would’ve done the same thing! So…you should be proud all the way up to the peak! Yes, quite right. I was thinking cherry juice might help the hangover, but I’m not sure.

      MM would most definitely. I’ll go get him.

      • 79 L. Marie April 17, 2015 at 14:51

        Great! Be sure to take sandwiches for your road trip!

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2015 at 20:42

        Will do! Everyone needs a sandwich or two.

  11. 81 Julie Harris April 16, 2015 at 12:53

    Leave it to the Professor to make a boring evening extraordinary!

    • 82 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:23

      *bows* Thank you so much! Though, you know, thinking back, I shouldn’t have spilled the drink, you know. That was where I went wrong a bit.

  12. 83 walt walker April 16, 2015 at 12:49

    More drinks like that, I say, not less! They really spice things up a bit and a few.

    Your speech reminded me of Bilbo’s party speech.

    • 84 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:22

      Very true! That’s a drink to get thirsty for. Do you suppose it was the juice of the cherry or the olive that made it a “bad” drink? I’m not sure.

      *laughs* No! Do you suppose Bilbo was drunk, too?

      • 85 walt walker April 17, 2015 at 01:31

        Trick question. You are assuming it was a bad drink, which clearly it was not. Now, it might have tasted bad, but it got the job done.

        Oh yes, quite certain. Plus he’d been corrupted by the ring thingy, and such. So, a double dose, if you will.

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:37

        *laughing* You always see right through me. But…did we want it go get the job done? I mean, it did make me spicy. So, maybe it was a good thing.

        *laughing even more* I always knew it. Then when we saw him at the way end of the movies…an addict!

  13. 87 Susan P April 16, 2015 at 12:33

    It seems to me that a lot of people prefer a boring speech to a lively one. Carry on, Professor. Next year they may invite you on purpose.

    • 88 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:22

      *laughing lots* Hey! I did have an invitation of sorts, you know, you know! I hope they enjoyed the drink as well.

      • 89 Susan P April 17, 2015 at 01:37

        I’m sure they enjoyed watching you sway and stumble.

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2015 at 20:36

        They did not, madam!

      • 91 Susan P April 20, 2015 at 01:35

        That is not what Amelia said…

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2015 at 22:47

        What did she say?

      • 93 Susan P April 21, 2015 at 00:56

        I don’t know but she looked like she was up to no good.

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke April 22, 2015 at 14:42

        Did you have speaks with her?

      • 95 Susan P April 22, 2015 at 14:52

        No, I was hiding behind a rock.

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke April 22, 2015 at 14:54

        Well…why?!

      • 97 Susan P April 22, 2015 at 15:00

        Because I’m nosey. It’s no fun if someone sees me. Sometimes they set the dogs on me, so I carry dog treats along. I make a lot of friends of the dogs that way.

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke April 24, 2015 at 16:05

        No! Have you been attacked by dogs before? A wonder. Or you could take George. Bet he’d fight off every dog.

      • 99 Susan P April 24, 2015 at 21:40

        I have been attacked by a dog, but the dog came off worse. Eventually.

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2015 at 20:21

        *laughs* Did you punch it twice? I still remember your Wonderowoman post. I laughed so hard.

      • 101 Susan P April 26, 2015 at 22:06

        No, I pretended to be a cat.

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2015 at 20:36

        With claws.

      • 103 Susan P April 28, 2015 at 22:57

        Yep. Only way to go!

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:24

        Of course. *sharpens his*

      • 105 Susan P April 29, 2015 at 22:13

        It makes it easier to climb the tree that way.

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 13:02

        And kill the beetles.

      • 107 Susan P April 30, 2015 at 13:26

        Maybe you can broil the beetles for tea.

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2015 at 17:51

        Ew! I wouldn’t drink it, I say.

      • 109 Susan P May 1, 2015 at 23:09

        Well, if you eat things out of your home, you have no idea what you are ingesting. Right?

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2015 at 18:37

        I think that’s kinda true…

      • 111 Susan P May 3, 2015 at 19:00

        So, live dangerously and eat them.

  14. 112 Jackie April 16, 2015 at 12:16

    Manothunder! After reading all of this I will NEVER EVER mix cherries and olives! It’s worse than mixing apples and oranges. They are just too different and not compatible.

    • 113 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:21

      *laughing* Very true! It was a conspiracy, Jackie. Do you suppose I should take Mr. Triangles eyes out?

  15. 114 PorterGirl April 16, 2015 at 11:35

    Goodness gracious! Whatever was in that drink, I wonder? It clearly was something mischievious. I liked your speech very much, people were churlish to complain. I bet they especially wanted a boring speech so they could have a little sleep. How kind of you to share the devillish drink – no doubt a good time was had by all, eventually!

    • 115 Professor VJ Duke April 16, 2015 at 11:57

      *Laughing lots* I’m glad you approve! It was all Mr. Triangles fault, you know. I should beat him about the head, is what. With a bat or something. But I think my threat fetched him a bit. Do you suppose the speech was something Mark Twain might say? I was going for it.

      • 116 PorterGirl April 16, 2015 at 13:12

        I very much approve, you know. Mr Triangle has a lot to answer for – it was a deliberate act of dadblamery, say I! The threat was good but a good threat should always be followed with a quick whack of some kind. A bad should do nicely. or a wet fish.
        I say that Mr Twain would have been in awe of your speech. It was performed with gusto.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke April 17, 2015 at 01:26

        It sure was! I’ll take both his eyes…and his ears!

        A wet fish! *laughs* I should carry one around just for the occasion. Slap them with it, see.

        *bows* I’m pleased the sudden.

      • 118 PorterGirl April 17, 2015 at 05:11

        Leave him one ear so he can hear the insults I fling at him! The Dean has been teaching me new ones, you see.
        if you are pleased, I am pleased and then the world is a more cheerful place. Hurrah!

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2015 at 20:41

        *laughing* Ooo! What sort of insults?

      • 120 PorterGirl April 20, 2015 at 05:57

        Oh, but they are far, far too coarse for me to repeat here. I shall have to whisper them.

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2015 at 23:00

        That’s fine. I love whisperings.


Say something...anything...O Punchy Family!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




TPL Schedule

Sunday: OFF — Day of Shalt Nots

Monday: TPL Story

Tuesday: OFF — Because I'm Gone

Wednesday: Professor Speaks

Thursday: OFF — Because Yes

Friday: OFF — All Day Sleep Does

Saturday: OFF — Blue-Footed Boobies Need Fed

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email!

Join 1,876 other followers

Follow The Punchy Lands! on WordPress.com

Blog Stats

  • 114,724 hits

Join the Professor on Twitter!

Professorish Smiley:

==[:-{)=

or

==[:-{)+

Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


%d bloggers like this: