The Hunt for Ruber’s Mother: Into the Party

Professorish note: TPL has been a bit off schedule this week. I do apologize. That’s what happens when you eat bad tomatoes. ~ Professor VJ Duke

Parties can be intimidating experiences—it’s when we have to act sociable, though we’d rather not. ~ V. Shnodgrate

***

Screen Shot 2015-04-02 at 1.17.01 PM

You know, it’s very hard to know (for sure) how much time is passing when you’re being tortured.

Especially if it’s self-inflicted torture. I suppose, though, I could blame Sandra Salami. It was her idea, after all, to send Lucy and this professor to Dr. Zauberer’s castle to see if we could find more out about Daddy Salami’s wife.

Now, ‘out about’ is an interest, you must admit.

Oh dear.

Anyways, after the hike of my life, Lucy and this professor made it to the front door of the castle. I’ve never thought on it before, but castles do seem to have front doors. At least, this one did.

And it was a big one, with a gold knocker.

I knocked.

No answer.

“Do you suppose anyone’s home?” I asked Lucy.

“I reckon they must be. Perhaps they can’t hear us over the din of the party?” she replied.

“Dadblameit! It’s very rude, still, not to answer the door.”

And I knocked again. I did try it louder.

Success!

The door opened.

It was Dr. Zauberer himself, too.

He squinted upon seeing us.

We probably didn’t look too good. But that can’t be blamed on us, really. What with that awful hike and all.

“Did I invite you two?” he asked.

“Umm…” I began.

“Maybe you did. Or maybe not,” Lucy said. “But you definitely should have!”

Dr. Zauberer began to rub his goatee vigorously. “Well, see, this is what I’m concerned with: My memory. If I invited you, I surely do forget, which means my memory is going. And if my memory is going, I suspect I shan’t be able to think at all in a few months. Now”—and he gestured widely here, banging his hand onto the stone wall by the door—“if, in fact, I didn’t invite you, my memory is quite sound. Which means, I’m very angry you just gave me that little scare.”

What a speech. It was hard to follow. But it seemed incriminating on the face of it.

I was going to say something—probably something awfully dull—when Lucy broke in:

“We’ve actually come, out of the goodness in our hearts, to act as your security for the night’s party. Lucky you, I should say.”

That fetched him. Dr. Zauberer’s whole face brightened up.

“Come on in, then! How nice it is to have buddies like you two, even if I didn’t know I had you.”

We followed Dr. Zauberer into the castle, passing through a long, ornate hallway. There was a very warm and welcoming glow about the place, and the sounds of a party (things breaking, ladies squealing, men guffawing—all that dadblamery) started to become audible as we made our way down the hallway.

Dr. Zauberer was speaking the whole time.

“I was quite worried,” he was saying, “that security might be a problem. I mean, when you get this many people together bad things are just bound to happen.”

“And that is exactly why we came along,” Lucy said. “We’ll take care of all that.”

I looked at Lucy. “Really?” I mouthed.

She nodded, and mouthed back, “Why not?”

Of course, I had to mouth back at that, “Because! We have a job to do!”

Then she mouthed, “We’ll do it…while we play security. It got us in after all. I mean, how much trouble can there really be at a little party like this?”

I was going to mouth again—since it was a mouthing game—but at that moment, the hallway opened up into the largest room I’ve ever seen. And that room…was packed with people.

And I mean packed.

Dr. Zauberer squeezed through the crowd, still talking, but we lost him.

And that’s when I found myself face to face with Fats Henry.

Story written by Professor VJ Duke & Lucy Brazier

Copyright: For a few

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106 Responses to “The Hunt for Ruber’s Mother: Into the Party”


  1. 1 Hazy May 4, 2015 at 12:11

    It feels like something… interesting might happen at the party. I wonder if Smiles will be there. I do hope the food is good at least.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke May 4, 2015 at 19:57

      I hope the food will be good, too. One never knows, you know.

  2. 3 Simply Skeptical May 1, 2015 at 23:19

    I do believe you’ve begun a new way of non-verbal communication. I think we all should try it. Just think we could talk to the person in the car next to us at the red light,to folks in elevators, waiting rooms, airports, it’s limitless. Very creative indeed! I think I’ve had a long day…

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2015 at 18:38

      *laughing* We should try it! Imagine how fine it would be not to have to hear someone’s voice if you didn’t want to!

  3. 5 Bethy April 30, 2015 at 20:29

    I think rotten tomatoes are an interest. And really that proverb is probably the bestest

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2015 at 18:05

      Isn’t it something? You know what, the sudden, I bet Shnod had a rotten tomato…then wrote that proverb!

      • 7 Bethy May 1, 2015 at 22:41

        That’s a really neat proverb to get out of rotten tomatoes

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2015 at 18:35

        *laughing lots* What can I say? He’s got an interesting mind.

  4. 9 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 29, 2015 at 22:13

    Shnoddy, if I could I would tell you, “Yes, exactly!” Tell him for me, Duke. And bybthe way, you shouldn’t eat rotten tomatoes. Who was handing them out? I’ll kill’em.

    I can’t get past the mouthing conversation. Very funny! Intimate and exactly as it is when with someone you adore spending time with, you know. Best of luck, you guys. Be careful around Fats Henry…he can turn on you in a blink of an eye, I hear.

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 13:02

      Well, I think a worm got to the tomatoes. I’m going to raid the store today. Aren’t you proud? I’ll tell Shnod. I thought it was right on, too. Even though you’re good at it, I know!

      Fats Henry can get cranky quick as a wink, it’s true. You know, mouthing is a good way to be quiet and speak at the same time!

      • 11 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 30, 2015 at 19:39

        A worm? Is it in your tummy now? I’m sorry…did the store survive your raid? I am slightly proud of you standing up for yourself, but did you cause another scene? Yeah, I can work a crowd, I’m not gonna lie. *sparkles* I should hire out my services and quit my day job.

        Seems I remember that about Fats. Made me worrisome. Yes, mouthing works well for that, of course.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2015 at 18:04

        I can see you working a crowd. Would you have yelled at them? I bet you might have! Well, worms are good for you, aren’t they?

        Sometimes I get it wrong though, mouthing.

      • 13 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 1, 2015 at 20:36

        *blush* Nope. Wouldn’t yell at them at all. I’d simply mesmerize them with my charm. Worms? No, Duketh. Not.

        Ooo, Imma not gonna answer that one.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2015 at 18:34

        Worms could be high in protein. Your charm? I bet you would.

        But you already did!

      • 15 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 3, 2015 at 20:09

        They probably are high in protein, but I’ll hunt for something else. Nuts. Yeah, I do, come here so I can use it on you.

        Did not!

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke May 4, 2015 at 19:54

        Oh, the professor is protected against charm. I’m heatless remember.

        Did!!

      • 17 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 4, 2015 at 22:24

        Yes, I remember. I’m not the one with the memory loss problem.

        Pfft!

  5. 18 The Lite Rider April 29, 2015 at 18:19

    Oh my, I see I’ve got to go backwards to catch up. I love Shnodgrate’s little saying. (and sorry about the “bad tomatoes”!)

    • 19 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:35

      Isn’t Shnod handy with that sort of thing? (Yes…imagine!)

  6. 20 Angeline M April 29, 2015 at 16:05

    There you are at a party….again, P.VJ. You seem to be a party animal.
    I don’t know what is worse, bad tomatoes, or bad eggs, having just suffered some such malady as well. Glad you’re back, and I’m glad I’m back, and the Shnod is right on, having just returned from that kind of thing as well. Party on…

    • 21 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:34

      *laughs* Aren’t I wicked? You know what I think it is, Angeline, I think parties come and attack me. I don’t seek them out, see. A wonder, huh?

  7. 22 desertdweller29 April 29, 2015 at 15:48

    I suppose the Professor and Lucy read lips. It’s a handy talent, especially since an arrest might be made. Oh, I do hope so! Anything you shall say could be used against you in the court of law, remember.

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:34

      I shall keep this in mind. Don’t you suppose I”d make a great officer? *laughs* How are you at lip reading?

      • 24 desertdweller29 April 29, 2015 at 20:19

        Terrible. However, I’m great at lip syncing.

        You’d make a terrific officer. However, you already have a title. We can’t call you Professor Officer! Then you’d be a title hog. I’m afraid you would have to give up your professorship, which I wouldn’t recommend. I rather like having a professor around. It’s very dignified. And it slips nicely into every sentence.

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 12:54

        *Laughs*

        I am a sorta dignified chap. That’s why I don’t partake in mud fights. But there is something tempting about being known as a title hog…

  8. 26 Debbie April 29, 2015 at 13:39

    Something tells me you and Lucy are going to have your hands full playing security for a party like that! And I do hope you don’t forget your “mission” while you’re up to your ears in squealing ladies, guffawing men, and breaking things!

    I have to admire Lucy’s hitting on the security angle, though part of me is a bit sad over the “good” doctor’s confusion. Awful to think he might be losing his memory. As for Fats, well, he can only add to the dadblamery at this event, right?!

    Glad to see you back here, Professor — you were missed, you know!!

    • 27 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:31

      *laughs* Very true. Well…you’ll have to keep reminding me. My memory goes at times. Have I ever told you that?

      Absolutely right! Do you like Dr. Z overall? He seems like a nice fellow.

      Thanks bunches, Debbie! I’ve been…practicing!

      • 28 Debbie April 29, 2015 at 20:02

        I was hoping to hear you were practicing! Time must be drawing nigh now, right? I’m still praying, you know!

        Dr. Z sounds like some people I’ve known, kind of addle-brained but harmless overall. At least he let y’all into his party (probably so many folks there that even he didn’t know who was invited, ha!)

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 12:51

        *smiles lots* Thanks so much! I definitely need it. Really appreciate it. Yes…8 weeks!

        *laughs* I think you’re right. He means well, poor chap. He makes good conversation at tea, you know.

  9. 30 walt walker April 29, 2015 at 13:30

    I fear that if the Professor is in charge of security, the situation will rapidly detoriate into astounding … instability?

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:30

      *laughing* But not anymore. That was pre-boomerraing professor. I’ve got the boomerang now. Won’t that fix things?

  10. 32 L. Marie April 29, 2015 at 12:42

    Good save on Lucy’s part. This means you’ll get to hit people over the head or kick them out and say it’s for security reasons. That will mean more cake for you two. Not sure what’s going to happen with Fats Henry, however.

    I do hope Manly-Man shows up!

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:30

      MM! I hope he’s here, too. Do you suppose Henry will cause problems? We’ll just boot the chap!

      • 34 L. Marie April 30, 2015 at 12:52

        Fats Henry usually causes some kind of problem. So you might keep him around. Every good party needs problem people.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 13:03

        Very true. Otherwise the party gets dadblame boring.

  11. 36 Susan P April 29, 2015 at 12:34

    This is a fine kettle of fish. Sneaking into a party and dadblameit, who DOES that and how do they get away with it?

    • 37 PorterGirl April 29, 2015 at 13:18

      I shall tell you excatly who, Susan – the Professor and my good self! Aren’t we such scamps? We will teach you the knack, if you like, then you can sneak into any party you fancy!

      • 38 Susan P April 29, 2015 at 13:23

        I’d love to learn how to do that…and maybe some lessons on how to get out of meetings I’m tired of as well!

        And, if that is your good self, I have to wonder what your bad self might be up to!

      • 39 PorterGirl April 29, 2015 at 13:27

        I will be delighted to teach you all the tricks of the trade! Not that sneaking into parties is really a trade, more of a hobby.
        If only you knew – my friends say that there is definitely a ‘bad Lucy’. They ask “Will Bad Lucy be coming along today?” But mostly I am very good indeed.

      • 40 Susan P April 29, 2015 at 13:47

        :D I am like:
        There was a little girl

        By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
        There was a little girl,
        Who had a little curl,
        right in the middle of her forehead.

        When she was good,
        She was very good indeed,
        But when she was bad she was horrid.

      • 41 PorterGirl April 29, 2015 at 13:48

        My mother used to recite this to me when I was tiny. I think it must have given me ideas, so clearly bad parenting is to blame for my naughtiness ;)

      • 42 Susan P April 29, 2015 at 15:13

        That is small comfort. My mother was a naughty girl so I’m blaming her.

      • 43 PorterGirl April 29, 2015 at 15:42

        Hurrah for naughty girls, I say! We will always find someone to blame for our naughtiness, which is exactly as it should be (but don’t tell my mum I said that :) )

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:33

        And naughty boys. I think boys get naughtier than girls!

      • 45 PorterGirl April 30, 2015 at 05:05

        Is that so? That sounds like a challenge of naughtiness to me! But I certainly agree – hurrah for naughty boys also *laughing lots*

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 13:03

        *laughing* It is a challenge! A professorish one, I think.

      • 47 PorterGirl April 30, 2015 at 13:19

        Then I accept your challenge, Professor! Let the naughtiness commence!

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2015 at 17:50

        I think we should take it to Fats Henry’s castle.

      • 49 PorterGirl May 1, 2015 at 18:26

        You’re on! The challenge is afoot, Sir! Prepare to be out-naughtied..

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2015 at 18:30

        I’ll get Terry to help me, you know!

      • 51 PorterGirl May 3, 2015 at 20:33

        Dadblameit! That could be my downfall. Scoundrels, the pair of you!

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke May 4, 2015 at 19:55

        Usually hungry scoundrel, too, you know.

      • 53 PorterGirl May 4, 2015 at 20:17

        Almost always hungry. He has a sound he makes when he wants feeding, I recognise it now. Ignore it at your peril! *laughs*

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2015 at 19:34

        *laughs* I bet he goes all rampage if you ignore it.

      • 55 PorterGirl May 5, 2015 at 19:54

        Very much so! A rampaging Terry is a fearsome thing. His little face gets all cross.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke May 7, 2015 at 18:41

        *laughs* I think I can picture it. His little whiskers twitch too.

      • 57 PorterGirl May 7, 2015 at 19:59

        A dreadful twitching of the whiskers and, on occasion, the ears too.

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 18:57

        I do wish I could twitch my ears.

      • 59 PorterGirl May 10, 2015 at 19:54

        Me too. It’s so menacing.

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:33

        Horribly frustrating. Grr!

      • 61 PorterGirl May 13, 2015 at 20:08

        Pah!

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2015 at 15:42

        And a dadblameit.

    • 63 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:30

      Well, didn’t you teach me how, Susan?

      • 64 Susan P April 29, 2015 at 22:07

        Teach you what?

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 12:58

        How to break into parties, of course.

      • 66 Susan P April 30, 2015 at 13:41

        Crashing! That is the word. Crashing a party. And that depends on the party and who is footing the bill.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2015 at 17:52

        I’m sure Harry would like to crash a party with me. Wouldn’t you?

      • 68 Susan P May 1, 2015 at 23:06

        Heck! Let’s gather up a crew and crash the next party.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2015 at 18:36

        I’m in doubly! I want to crash something badly right now.

      • 70 Susan P May 3, 2015 at 18:59

        It would be badly worse if you do. Unless, of course, if you send your Sunflower Chaser.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke May 4, 2015 at 19:50

        Now, what’s that?

      • 72 Susan P May 4, 2015 at 20:32

        It’s what they send to keep you from smashing things.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2015 at 19:38

        I don’t believe it the sudden!

      • 74 Susan P May 5, 2015 at 22:58

        Belief is optional.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke May 7, 2015 at 18:46

        Hmm…I don’t know if I believe that!

      • 76 Susan P May 7, 2015 at 19:02

        Believe or not, facts is facts.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke May 7, 2015 at 19:02

        I’ll believe it tomorrow.

      • 78 Susan P May 7, 2015 at 19:07

        Ah, but by tomorrow, a great many realities will have come and gone.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 18:55

        But they’ll always come again!

      • 80 Susan P May 13, 2015 at 00:24

        Hear, hear…and you will overcome…

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:54

        And die by the sword.

      • 82 Susan P May 13, 2015 at 20:50

        Or the refrigerators …

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2015 at 15:45

        They can’t kill!

      • 84 Susan P May 16, 2015 at 21:15

        Apparently you have never had one land on you when the moving men dropped it over the railing.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke May 18, 2015 at 21:41

        Well…I suppose not. But did you?

      • 86 Susan P May 19, 2015 at 00:47

        I plead the fifth.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2015 at 20:15

        Hmm…

      • 88 Susan P May 19, 2015 at 20:30

        What !?

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke May 20, 2015 at 21:24

        Doesn’t count for you!

      • 90 Susan P May 20, 2015 at 22:50

        whyevernot?

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2015 at 12:18

        That word is awesome.

      • 92 Susan P May 22, 2015 at 12:42

        And you diverted from the question.

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2015 at 20:02

        Wasn’t that cool?

      • 94 Susan P May 22, 2015 at 23:05

        *puts on school teacher face and looks at him*

  12. 95 PorterGirl April 29, 2015 at 12:26

    I do like a door with a big golden knocker. Gives the place a bit of class, I say. Which is more than can be said for the squealing ladies. I hope I haven’t put us in a rum position, offering to do the security…

    • 96 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2015 at 19:29

      *laughs* Well…let’s do it for about five minutes, okay? Do you suppose Henry will be our first problem?

      • 97 PorterGirl April 30, 2015 at 05:04

        Five minutes, then. Six at a push. I very much suppose that – Henry has that look about him!

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke April 30, 2015 at 13:02

        He does! We’ll take care of him! (Do you think any of those little dadblameries are at this party?)

      • 99 PorterGirl April 30, 2015 at 13:19

        We certainly shall – he doesn’t scare us, for sure! (Oh those little dadblameries! I shall keep a keen eye out for them, but I suspect they might be evasive in a place such as this!)

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke May 1, 2015 at 17:49

        I think you could be right. Just like one wouldn’t find them at a fair. Fairs have interesting food, though.

      • 101 PorterGirl May 1, 2015 at 18:25

        Oooh yes they do. You know who else might be at a fair? Cattleman!

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2015 at 18:29

        *laughing* Does he have a large cowboy hat?

      • 103 PorterGirl May 3, 2015 at 20:32

        I suppose he does! And a cape made from cow hide. Possibly.

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke May 4, 2015 at 19:54

        *laughs* Imagine the itch!

      • 105 PorterGirl May 4, 2015 at 20:17

        Oooh imagine!

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2015 at 19:33

        Just horrible!


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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
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12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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