Schwarz Tauptinker and Ice Cream

Why do they always build the ice cream establishments in the sun?

Maybe they don’t.

But I think they do.

Every time this professor goes for ice cream, the sun is shining on my back. Beating down like the rod of discipline, or something.

Once, I went to the ice cream establishment with Schwarz Tauptinker.

It was a mistake.

“Can I help you?” the girl in that cool, sweetly smelling ice cream establishment asked. (See, we had to wait outside. Imagine.)

“Sure can,” this professor said. “I’d like a cherry milkshake, please.”

“Absolutely,” she answered. “For you?” She’d turned to Schwarz.

“I don’t know, chickit!” he said. “What do you have?”

“Flavors are right in front of your face,” she answered. Not very polite.

“But it’s hard to see them,” I said. “Someone built your establishment in the sun. Hard to read in the sun.”

She rolled her eyes. (Her name tag said Megan.)

“Do you have a menu?” I pressed.

“Are you guys for real?” she asked.

The line was building.

“Of course I’m real, you know!” Schwarz answered. “Okay…I got it. Do you have moose ice cream?”

“Moose tracks?” she tried to clarify.

Schwarz shook his head. “Nah! Just moose.”

“I bet you mean moose tracks,” Megan said.

“Me too,” I said.

“Do not!” Schwarz said.

Then I got tapped on the shoulder.

I turned. “Yes?”

There was a fellow there in a pink shirt and a lady in a blue shirt. Mixed up, you see.

“Could you two hurry?” he asked. It was polite, too. So, I was in a good mood almost at once.

“Is it hot in the sun?” I asked.

“Yeah!”

Now he was getting rude.

“Look over there! Look at the strange bird in the tree.”

He looked.

Now, Schwarz had been having speaks with Megan this whole time.

He’d apparently ordered.

His cone—when it came—had something green on the bottom, blue in the middle, and black on the top.

“Chickit!” he said, taking it.

We left.

“That’s a monster,” this professor said. “And look how big the line is!”

“I hate it,” Schwarz said.

And he threw the cone over his head.

I never did get that cherry milkshake.

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113 Responses to “Schwarz Tauptinker and Ice Cream”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 October 6, 2015 at 16:42

    If I ever see you where I work, Professor, I’ll gladly get you a cherry milkshake! ;-)

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2015 at 18:44

      !!! A milkshake? I love those things!

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 October 6, 2015 at 19:58

        I love them too. ;-)

  2. 4 bardictale May 12, 2015 at 12:48

    If it is in the sun, wouldn’t the ice cream melt? Seems strange to me. Here, ice-cream parlors are only in the shade.

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:53

      Now where is here, Bard?

      • 6 bardictale May 14, 2015 at 07:14

        Obviously, not there, silly.

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2015 at 15:53

        How horrid of you.

      • 8 bardictale May 17, 2015 at 07:40

        But silly of you. Were you expecting a different answer, professor?

      • 9 Professor VJ Duke May 18, 2015 at 21:43

        Yes, dadblameit!!!

      • 10 bardictale May 19, 2015 at 07:10

        Then you are very silly, sir.

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2015 at 20:19

        *growls at bard*

      • 12 bardictale May 20, 2015 at 08:54

        *grins unrepentantly* tea?

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke May 20, 2015 at 21:28

        Yes…dadblameit!

      • 14 bardictale May 21, 2015 at 07:23

        You know *hands tea* I live in Silver. So you shouldn’t be so cross.

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2015 at 12:23

        But where’s silver?

      • 16 bardictale May 24, 2015 at 18:15

        Here.

  3. 17 Me, Myself and DIY May 11, 2015 at 23:22

    You know what made me laugh? When you said the “cool, sweetly smelling ice cream establishment…” Ever worked in one of those places? I have. It’s not cool. (the ice cream freezers put off exorbitant amounts of heat.) It’s not sweet smelling once you’ve worked there a whole day. (you can’t get the old milk smell out of your clothes) And yes, I think he meant Moose Tracks too. (Yummy yum yum!)

    • 18 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:53

      *laughing* What a wonder! Now this is an interest. So, it’s not as great as it seems?

      • 19 Me, Myself and DIY May 13, 2015 at 22:59

        I loved scooping ice cream. One of my favorite jobs. But it isn’t as glamorous and “cool” as you made it sound. ;)

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2015 at 15:48

        Well…you must’ve worked in a mean shop! *laughs* But seriously, did you get a free cone or something?

  4. 21 Nancy Loderick May 10, 2015 at 17:41

    Well Professor,

    Two suggestions for you:

    1. Go for ice cream by yourself next time.

    2. Wear a big hat with a brim and sunglasses so the sun doesn’t bother you. Perhaps you may even get better service because people might think you are famous and trying to be incognito!

    Nancy

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:15

      *laughs* I love your suggestions! I shall do it. I shall.

  5. 23 Angeline M May 9, 2015 at 02:05

    I must commend you for your patience, I must. You do need to return for that cherry milkshake. And soon. And I think you need to have speaks with that Megan girl about getting a refund.

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:14

      Do you suppose I should yell a few times at her and demand a free milkshake?

  6. 25 Susan P May 8, 2015 at 23:44

    Ice cream can be difficult at the best of times. Especially in the sun.

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:13

      The sun is always taking licks.

      • 27 Susan P May 13, 2015 at 00:20

        So true – laughing,

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:54

        Dadblame him/her!

      • 29 Susan P May 13, 2015 at 20:46

        You gotta eat fast. Or carry an igloo with you.

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2015 at 15:43

        And how much do they weigh?

      • 31 Susan P May 16, 2015 at 21:23

        You’d have to do the math to find out.

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke May 18, 2015 at 21:42

        *goes and gets a calculator*

      • 33 Susan P May 19, 2015 at 00:51

        Do share your deductions.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2015 at 20:16

        You know, I think I broke the dadblame thing.

      • 35 Susan P May 19, 2015 at 20:32

        That is an expensive experiment.

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke May 20, 2015 at 21:25

        I ruin most things I touch, I fear.

      • 37 Susan P May 20, 2015 at 22:52

        Have you tried to find help for that?

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2015 at 12:18

        Alas, I fear there is none.

      • 39 Susan P May 22, 2015 at 12:36

        Never say that! You should set Ruber to finding a cure. Now that would be an interest.

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2015 at 20:01

        He’d mess it up, you know.

      • 41 Susan P May 22, 2015 at 23:06

        And how would that be different from the usual?

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke May 26, 2015 at 18:55

        *laughs* Good point.

  7. 43 desertdweller29 May 8, 2015 at 16:38

    I tried selling ice cream in the desert once. It didn’t end well.

    • 44 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:10

      Did it all melt everywhere?

  8. 45 Lisa May 8, 2015 at 16:26

    All Mixed up, you see. I wonder why they were wearing each other’s shirts. That’s strange.

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:10

      Do you think they swopped on purpose?

      • 47 Lisa May 10, 2015 at 21:10

        Well one would have to think so!

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:40

        Imagine!

      • 49 Lisa May 13, 2015 at 19:50

        Omg!!! We drew a huge crowd last time I did that!!!

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:57

        But wasn’t it fun?

      • 51 Lisa May 13, 2015 at 20:01

        Well… yes. Yes it was. Lol

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2015 at 15:42

        War is, you know.

      • 53 Lisa May 15, 2015 at 16:01

        I hear you. :)

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2015 at 18:22

        And that is a good thing, madam!

      • 55 Lisa May 16, 2015 at 19:55

        Is it a good thing or a bad thing to be called madam?

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke May 18, 2015 at 21:41

        Well, good, I think. Wouldn’t you say? Isn’t it a bit, bits, and little bits respectful?

      • 57 Lisa May 18, 2015 at 21:44

        I don’t know. That’s why I asked. Lol.

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke May 18, 2015 at 21:49

        *laughs* I don’t know either! I’m dull, remember.

      • 59 Lisa May 18, 2015 at 21:54

        Well. Then we’ll just decide it’s a nice thing to say. Yes. Carry on then. Lol

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke May 19, 2015 at 20:13

        Carry on indeed! I’m going to get an ice cream cone, the sudden.

      • 61 Lisa May 19, 2015 at 21:44

        Well don’t take that fellow you took last time!

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke May 20, 2015 at 21:26

        Didn’t we kill him?

      • 63 Lisa May 20, 2015 at 21:43

        I do remember suggesting it. Umbrella?

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2015 at 12:15

        Oh no, fellows never use them.

      • 65 Lisa May 22, 2015 at 13:19

        Really?! Who knew. I better come along with you then.

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke May 22, 2015 at 20:03

        Absolutely!

  9. 67 FictionFan May 8, 2015 at 16:22

    My Professor, my Schwarzy and ice cream? Add some chocolate sprinkles and this would be the perfect story! I do hope Schwarzy wasn’t flirting with Megan – sometimes I worry that you’re a bad influence on him. And Schwarzy’s so sweet and gorgeous he probably doesn’t even need special pants…

    Explain moose tracks, please. You Americans are very strange sometimes.

    • 68 Susan P May 8, 2015 at 23:45

      http://moosetracks.com/about-moose-tracks/

      • 69 FictionFan May 9, 2015 at 00:19

        Hmm… I’m not sure if that sounds wonderful or horrid! Think I’ll stick to chocolate with choc chips and choc sauce… ;)

      • 70 Susan P May 9, 2015 at 12:18

        :D My current favorite is vanilla with raspberry sauce and chocolate chips. There are all sorts of ways to guild the ice cream lily.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:14

        All choc? Be more creative, FEF, I know you can!!

    • 72 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:10

      You know, no worry of that. I’d say Megan was soooooooo frustrated. Oh well. That’s how Schwarz is, you know. Sprinkles…you mean, jimmies. I sold the pants!

      It’s…it’s…you know, I can’t say I’ve ever had it much. I see Susan explained it a bit, though. You’d probably love it!

  10. 73 Debbie May 8, 2015 at 14:16

    After all that you didn’t get your cherry milkshake?? Gee, I’d have thought Miss Megan would serve you first — I mean, at least she understood your order!

    As for Schwarz’s cone, well, that sounds pretty horrid. Black ice cream? Yuck, makes me think of licorice, which I never developed an affection for.

    And really, Professor, you’re not so old that you still think women should wear pink and men should wear blue, are you?? I happen to LIKE wearing blue (once in a while, you know), and I’ve seen men who look amazing in pink dress shirts. I like your distraction technique, though — bird in tree!!

    • 74 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:08

      I know! Do you suppose it was revenge?

      Imagine licorice ice cream! Does that even exist? It might, but I wouldn’t eat it. I can’t believe it. I should go back for some revenge.

      *laughs* I’m older than even that! You know, women look just fine in blue…but men are not allowed to wear pink or purple…it’s…too…horrid. See what I mean? A worm wouldn’t wear pink or purple either.

  11. 75 walt walker May 8, 2015 at 13:37

    I think it’s a tactic, you see. The Rod of Discipline beating down on your back, giving you sunblisters and such, that puts you in the mood for a cool refreshing ice cream. I like the margarita cone with a bit of salt around the sides.

    • 76 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:07

      Such a thing exists like that? I’ve never heard of it. Are you sure?

      • 77 walt walker May 10, 2015 at 19:35

        Oh I think so, I think. It’s quite popular, I think. You could put a cherry in yours, you know.

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:32

        I think I might have to do three. Now I must hunt for this cone, too.

  12. 79 L. Marie May 8, 2015 at 13:16

    When Schwarz threw the cone over his head, did it hit the guy in the pink shirt? Oh please say it did! Or I can pretend it did. That’s the scenario I’m building in my head.

    I had ice cream yesterday. There is a popular ice cream place in town where the line forms down the block. And yes, the sun shines on one’s back there.

    (When I read the first line of this post, I was thinking of an ice cream shop built directly in the sun out in space. That got me wondering how they keep the ice cream from instantly melting.).

    • 80 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:06

      You know, it actually fell at this feet and splashed on his sandals. He was mad. But he didn’t make a scene or anything–thank goodness! I was sorta embarrassed at the point.

      Did you? Very jealous the sudden, you know. See? What’s with that? They do it on purpose, I say!

      *laughing lots* Now that has me thinking…

  13. 81 InfiniteZip May 8, 2015 at 13:05

    Ice cream sundaes, milkshakes,floats,comes,sprinkles….oh my….chock full of good stuff….and caramel too, don’t forget the caramel. Mmmmm gonna be a hot one today…may need to find the line in the sun.

    • 82 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:05

      But don’t get a sunburn! You should get a cherry milkshake, Zippy.

  14. 83 Jackie May 8, 2015 at 12:36

    Ice cream is yum!

    • 84 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:05

      It is! Milkshakes are better!

      • 85 Jackie May 10, 2015 at 20:58

        I love both!!

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:40

        Need one now!

      • 87 Jackie May 13, 2015 at 19:48

        Dadblamit! Now I do too!

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:56

        Oh rats and a heifer!

  15. 89 Simply Skeptical May 8, 2015 at 11:15

    Wouldn’t want to be behind you two in a line. I do feel I might lose my patients. I wonder what kind of ice cream it was that Schwarz got?

    • 90 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:04

      I’m not even sure! Maybe the black…was chocolatey? I doubt it. We’re not that frustrating!

  16. 91 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 8, 2015 at 11:06

    See here, Duke, the reason ice cream shops are in the sun is so that we can play the ever popular game of… Who Can Lick The Quickest or my favorite game, Did Your Brain Freeze, Too. Sorry you didn’t get your milkshake. I’ve never had black ice cream. Oh, and men look good in pink, so do puppies. Don’t be mad at the sun…just doing its job, you know.

    • 92 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:04

      Men do not look good in pink! Pink is a woman’s color though and through. Brain freeze…that sounds horrid, I must say. Don’t you think they should build them in the shade?

      • 93 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 10, 2015 at 23:21

        Oh yes they do, Duketh. I’m refusing to fight about this topic again. You were too easily persuaded last time. You’ve forgotten, I think. A brain freeze is horrid. You must’ve felt one before. Yes, I do. Or build a canopy around them for everyone to sit or stand under.

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:42

        I don’t know what a brain freeze is!

      • 95 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 14, 2015 at 02:49

        When you eat something cold really fast and your head feels like it’s going to explode.

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2015 at 15:51

        You know…would you believe if I said that never happened to me? *smiles proudly*

      • 97 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 15, 2015 at 22:26

        Hasn’t happened to Middle either. She eats ice cream in record time. Leaves me envious that she shares that quality with you. What is wrong with your reaction times? *wonders*

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2015 at 18:25

        *laughing* Middle and I are so evolved, see?!

      • 99 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 17, 2015 at 15:59

        *giggle* Yes, both argumentative, as well.

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke May 18, 2015 at 21:44

        I never argue!

  17. 101 PorterGirl May 8, 2015 at 10:05

    This is a nice surprise – a trip to the PL on a Friday! And always a delight to see the dear Schwarz. I do like the distraction technique of pointing out a strange bird in a tree. I wonder if it was wanting ice cream too? Now I want ice cream. Pah.

    • 102 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2015 at 19:03

      I need ice cream–the minute. You know, I think that distraction thingy only works if you’re in the sun. This is the first time it was successful, see. What a wonder.

      Yes, I’m thinking about posting Mon, Wed, and Fri! I’m not sure, though.

      • 103 PorterGirl May 10, 2015 at 19:57

        I need ice cream too. Cherry and cashew flavour! You could be right. I will try it out myself, in the sun.
        Good idea, I say. But any day is a great TPL day!

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke May 13, 2015 at 19:39

        They’re my two favorite flavors! How did you know that?!

      • 105 PorterGirl May 13, 2015 at 20:11

        Aha! *winks* Because I am naughty, I suppose.

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2015 at 15:43

        Must be. Someone should make a milkshake out of them, too.

      • 107 PorterGirl May 15, 2015 at 15:48

        Someone should. That does sound rather like a hint, you know… *fetches blender for milkshake*

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke May 15, 2015 at 15:55

        Oh goody! It was a hint of sorts.

      • 109 PorterGirl May 15, 2015 at 15:57

        Pah! I shall get to making milkshakes, then. *Secretly LOVES milkshakes*

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke May 16, 2015 at 18:22

        *laughs* You can’t trick me! I think I’d like four, please.

      • 111 PorterGirl May 16, 2015 at 19:46

        Just four? You surprise me with your restraint, dear Professor. I shall get right to it!

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke May 18, 2015 at 21:40

        *laughs* And here I thought I was taking too many!


  1. 1 Schwarz Tauptinker and Ice Cream | The blog of COOPER APPAREL. Find us at https://www.facebook.com/Coopertees Trackback on May 8, 2015 at 15:07

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