So, the professor went out to this party.
Well, it wasn’t a party at all.
See, it was a gathering of wealthy bored people, if I’m completely honest.
I snuck in.
Because that’s what wicked, heartless professors do.
Now, the house that I went to is that house where the mean, old woman lives. You know, the one Alice and Joseph frequent. I drove for them once.
Anyways, I took Schwarz Tauptinker with me…
We went over to the side window, which was rather large.
“Why we going in a window?” Schwarz asked. “I don’t know.”
“Well,” this professor replied, “we’re going in a window because we’re not invited. This way, we can’t be stopped, see.”
Schwarz laughed. “Oh, chickit, nice!”
Now, the thing about a window is this: Usually they’re locked.
This one wasn’t.
I swung it open with evil intent, and Schwarz and I crept in.
Rats and a heifer.
We walked right into the room where the party was going on.
The old woman was sitting in a chair facing that very window!
There was some shock from the other guests–there was around 12 of them–but the old woman (I think her name is Shawnette) was quite calm.
“You again,” she said.
I was speechless, but Schwarz wasn’t. He looked from me to her, then back again.
“Why’s she so old?” he asked.
He had a point. I’ve never seen so many wrinkles, not even on an elephant.
Oh dear me and you.
Mr. Magi looked at Schwarz. “None of that, young man, you be polite!”
“Yes,” Mr. Ratherquite agreed. “We all need to be polite. Not rude and crude.”
“But wait a second and then another one,” I put in. “See, if we’re not rude and crude, how can we improve each other?”
And that’s when Shawnette said something:
“All of you are so young and inexperienced, you don’t know anything about mostly anything.”
“Sir!” Mr. Ratherquite began, but Schwarz interrupted.
“What? No! How can she be a sir?”
Mr. Ratherquite turned on Schwarz savagely. “My ladies like to be able to be called ‘sir’ too!”
Mr. Magi was clearly taken aback. “Now, that is quite…well…quite…”
“I like the title, actually,” Shawnette said
“Look here,” this professor finally said, “here it is and that’s it: Shawnette is so old, she’s something like a sir, anyway. And it’s not that bad of a thing to say, since she says it herself.”
We got thrown out promptly.