Sir or Madam? (TPL Story)


So, the professor went out to this party.

Well, it wasn’t a party at all.

See, it was a gathering of wealthy bored people, if I’m completely honest.

I snuck in.

Because that’s what wicked, heartless professors do.

Now, the house that I went to is that house where the mean, old woman lives. You know, the one Alice and Joseph frequent. I drove for them once.

Anyways, I took Schwarz Tauptinker with me…

We went over to the side window, which was rather large.

“Why we going in a window?” Schwarz asked. “I don’t know.”

“Well,” this professor replied, “we’re going in a window because we’re not invited. This way, we can’t be stopped, see.”

Schwarz laughed. “Oh, chickit, nice!”

Now, the thing about a window is this: Usually they’re locked.

This one wasn’t.

I swung it open with evil intent, and Schwarz and I crept in.

Rats and a heifer.

We walked right into the room where the party was going on.

The old woman was sitting in a chair facing that very window!

There was some shock from the other guests–there was around 12 of them–but the old woman (I think her name is Shawnette) was quite calm.

“You again,” she said.

I was speechless, but Schwarz wasn’t. He looked from me to her, then back again.

“Why’s she so old?” he asked.

He had a point. I’ve never seen so many wrinkles, not even on an elephant.

And that’s when I noticed that both Mr. Magi and Mr. Ratherquite were present.

Oh dear me and you.

Mr. Magi looked at Schwarz. “None of that, young man, you be polite!”

“Yes,” Mr. Ratherquite agreed. “We all need to be polite. Not rude and crude.”

“But wait a second and then another one,” I put in. “See, if we’re not rude and crude, how can we improve each other?”

And that’s when Shawnette said something:

“All of you are so young and inexperienced, you don’t know anything about mostly anything.”

“Sir!” Mr. Ratherquite began, but Schwarz interrupted.

“What? No! How can she be a sir?”

Mr. Ratherquite turned on Schwarz savagely. “My ladies like to be able to be called ‘sir’ too!”

Mr. Magi was clearly taken aback. “Now, that is quite…well…quite…”

“I like the title, actually,” Shawnette said

“Look here,” this professor finally said, “here it is and that’s it: Shawnette is so old, she’s something like a sir, anyway. And it’s not that bad of a thing to say, since she says it herself.”

We got thrown out promptly.


177 Responses to “Sir or Madam? (TPL Story)”

  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 October 4, 2015 at 02:09

    I don’t see why you were thrown out. You were quite polite under the circumstances.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 4, 2015 at 22:28

      Wasn’t I? *sigh* Erin, I seriously need you around in these situations.

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 October 4, 2015 at 23:53

        I can join you from time to time, if you like. I think I’ve just about got my inter-dimensional portal generator complete, so I can come over whenever I want–provided I also get my schoolwork done! ;-)

  2. 4 walt walker July 15, 2015 at 15:10

    Next time you should try cutting a whole in the ceiling and rapelling down.

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 13:57

      Love this idea. Do you cut holes in ceilings?

      • 6 walt walker July 16, 2015 at 15:37

        I do. If you need one cut, I’m your guy.

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:27

        I need three…!

  3. 8 MissTiffany July 14, 2015 at 17:18

    I don’t think I should like to be called Sir…of course I suppose it would be nice to have the option to called Sir if that was what I wanted…still, sounds like a tricky business.

    I think also perhaps the Professor needs some more practice sneaking into parties.

    • 9 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 21:44

      It’s a very tricky business. I’d like to be called bear. And did you know, Darby likes to be called, his Ladyship?

      I know! You and Chaos have to help me with this. Please!

      • 10 MissTiffany July 14, 2015 at 22:34

        Bear? That is what I call my brother’s best friend (whether he likes it or not). What? I can hardly believe that of Darby. Certainly not. Though I can perfectly comprehend his aunt, Lady Catherine wanting to be called Sir.
        I think that is a perfect endeavor for Chaos….

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke July 15, 2015 at 12:51

        Yes, Chaos could fetch that in an instant. *laughing* Bear is a great nickname, I must admit. He’s lucky. That’s true. I can see Lady C doing something like that, the beast.

      • 12 MissTiffany July 16, 2015 at 12:44

        Quite right. :) It really is. And she would, I am certain of it.

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 14:09

        I would fetch her.

  4. 14 bardictale July 13, 2015 at 09:05

    Oh dear…would you like a newspaper?

    • 15 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 12:52

      Nah…I don’t like newspapers…do you?

      • 16 bardictale July 15, 2015 at 06:33

        They make good projectiles, though I’m not a fan of their content.
        Although…crossword puzzles are rather nice.

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke July 15, 2015 at 12:58

        Oh no! How can you do those things? I’m horrible at them.

      • 18 bardictale July 20, 2015 at 14:01

        Practice makes perfect?

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:27

        Funny you should say that. But nah!

      • 20 bardictale July 21, 2015 at 12:26

        Oh. Is it one of those common sense fallacies? That’s a shame.
        I was hoping that if I practiced enough, I could one day fly.

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 12:25

        Do you practice that? You must teach me how to fly, please.

      • 22 bardictale August 10, 2015 at 16:01

        You need to be willing to fall first, my dear sir.

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2015 at 20:39

        How far?

      • 24 bardictale August 11, 2015 at 08:52

        How high do you want to fly?

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:18

        200 ft?

      • 26 bardictale August 12, 2015 at 07:39

        That’s…not a lot.
        How are you with 3000?

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:24

        3000? I’m terrified.

      • 28 bardictale August 13, 2015 at 09:34

        Great! When do you want to start?

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:33

        When works best for you?

      • 30 bardictale August 15, 2015 at 22:06

        I need to finish a few papers so…about two months from now?

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 00:18

        Ooo…what papers?

      • 32 bardictale August 18, 2015 at 09:15

        Y’know, the scholarly type. One is about a dead language and one is about dead authors.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 17:17

        *laughs* Which are you about?

      • 34 bardictale August 19, 2015 at 20:31

        Sorry, didn’t follow that.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:42

        That is most definitely my fault.

      • 36 bardictale August 19, 2015 at 21:49

        Perhaps so, but what did you mean?

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:14

        What I meant to say, is which one were you working on at that moment? You know, which one were you about.

      • 38 bardictale August 22, 2015 at 21:48

        Ah! I see.
        Working on the one about the dead language. It’s a bit more urgent.

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2015 at 19:46

        *laughs* I imagine it is, Bard.

      • 40 bardictale August 25, 2015 at 17:05

        It may be dead, but the master isn’t

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2015 at 12:16

        Really? Is he still alive?

      • 42 bardictale August 26, 2015 at 17:31

        Yes. Sikandar and I are harboring the belief that he is evil.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2015 at 21:02

        We should take him out, Bard.

      • 44 bardictale August 30, 2015 at 06:22

        Possibly. Have any ideas?

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke August 31, 2015 at 19:57

        Water balloons?

      • 46 bardictale September 1, 2015 at 21:03

        Hmm…wouldn’t that make him angrier, though?

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke September 1, 2015 at 21:41

        Sure! But he deserves it.

      • 48 bardictale September 1, 2015 at 21:42

        He is powerful though…

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke September 1, 2015 at 21:43

        How powerful, though?

      • 50 bardictale September 1, 2015 at 21:45

        Very. An epic level mage, I’d say.

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2015 at 18:39

        The katana will fetch him.

      • 52 bardictale September 3, 2015 at 05:17

        Hmm…I think you’re right

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2015 at 12:51

        Do you have one, Bard?

      • 54 bardictale September 3, 2015 at 18:50

        Not yet, but I have a friend that can loan me one

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2015 at 23:13

        Ah, who’s this friend?

      • 56 bardictale September 5, 2015 at 17:51

        Someone special who likes and collects katanas^^

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke September 7, 2015 at 15:32

        *face brightens* The professor?

      • 58 bardictale September 8, 2015 at 14:18

        Perhaps. Would you?

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2015 at 12:58

        I would for you, Bard.

      • 60 bardictale September 9, 2015 at 16:23

        Thank you, professor. You are rather kind. Tea?

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke September 10, 2015 at 13:04

        Yes, please!

  5. 62 Simply Skeptical July 11, 2015 at 18:27

    Yes Professor you do like playing with fire even attempting the subject of a lady’s age whether sir or madam is a dangerous business. (Laughing) Shawneee must have been chair bound or likely would have thrown you out herself with such wrinkle type comments. How insensitive Madam Sir! :-)

    • 63 Professor VJ Duke July 13, 2015 at 00:08

      Well, I would’ve tackled her to floor, removed her wig, slapped her bald head three or four times (probably four), spit on it, rubbed it around a bit, then jumped out the window myself!

      • 64 Simply Skeptical July 14, 2015 at 11:04

        Well Professor you’re no sir or madam. Crude and rude indeed as Mr. Ratherquite would accuse. :-)

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 13:00

        I’m not a sir?! *bullfrog face*

  6. 66 John W. Howell July 11, 2015 at 01:10

    I think getting thrown out was a statement of your overqualified status to even be in the room with these people. Badge of honor.

    • 67 Professor VJ Duke July 13, 2015 at 00:03

      *laughs* I love the way you think! Do you suppose, I should have a medal made, and wear it proudly?

      • 68 John W. Howell July 13, 2015 at 00:25

        Yes. Dark blue ribbon and gold.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 12:47

        Oooooo…I can see that right now. I’d wear it front and proper.

      • 70 John W. Howell July 14, 2015 at 21:44


      • 71 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 21:53

        It’d be awesome.

  7. 72 Lady Dunamis July 10, 2015 at 23:08

    “Because that’s what wicked, heartless professors do.” That sounds like a line from Sherlock (BBC Version w/ Benedict Cumberbatch).

    My, my, my, to be honest. I am not surprised. I knew you had it in you. It’s always the innocent ones that fool them all….

    • 73 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2015 at 23:55

      Now how shocked would you be if I said I never really watched that show?

      Aren’t I sweet and innocent, Lady?

      • 74 Lady Dunamis July 13, 2015 at 01:20

        Yes you are…. I think 😈

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 12:48

        Now, who’s the purple chap?

      • 76 Lady Dunamis July 14, 2015 at 19:18

        I am testing out my new phone with these emoticons.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 21:50

        You even have a halo one! *bangs head*

  8. 78 Café Miskatonic July 10, 2015 at 20:44

    ” it wasn’t a party at all. See, it was a gathering of wealthy bored people”

    Loved that :)

    There’s an old Indian Movie “The Party” – you might like it, but then you will have to find a copy that is subtitled. It describes a party of the local high society over the course of an evening.

    • 79 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2015 at 23:54

      Many thanks! I think they were bored at least. I mean…they were just staring around, and that means bored.

      I would probably dig that movie lots and lots. Is it in a different language?

      • 80 Café Miskatonic July 13, 2015 at 19:51

        Yes, it’s in “Hindi”. It’s what is described in India as an “Art Movie” – not necessarily commercially successful, but a good one nevertheless.

        You can find a brief description on Wikipedia here:

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 13:00

        Thank you! I greatly appreciate it. I shall take a look.

  9. 82 L. Marie July 10, 2015 at 19:01

    You opened a window with evil intent? So you were trying to get Schwartz in trouble? Or were you planning on stealing from Shawnette?

    It’s weird that Mr. Ratherquite was invited and neither you nor Schwarz had an invitation. And where is Manly-Man in all of this???

    • 83 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 19:19

      No, I wasn’t going to steal! I was just going to…well, going to sneak in, eat a few things, and cause lots of trouble! It can’t be that wicked, can it?

      MM was strangely absent, can you believe. He’s been for some time.

      • 84 L. Marie July 13, 2015 at 22:54

        If you were going to sneak in and eat a few things, wouldn’t that be considered stealing if you planned to help yourself to her food without being invited?

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 13:00

        Umm… *hangs head* Why must you have such good points?

  10. 86 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 10, 2015 at 17:30

    Well, I’m torn on whether or not to pat your back on this one, Duketh. First of all, you shouldn’t crash parties. They’ll make you stay to clean up and I know how much you despise using a broom. You’ve been calling women Sir for as long as I’ve known you. Seems fine. You aren’t looking to impress any of them, especially not the old ones, so go for it. I do love how my Magi handles situations. He’s tops! I missed you!

    • 87 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 19:15

      *laughing lots* Epic comment, Audith! I love the part about me calling women sir for a while now. I didn’t even think about that, but you’re so right! Goodness. I bet it was a mistake.

      Yes, cleaning up is horrible. I bet it’s a secret desire of yours to break into a party! Isn’t it? Come on now, you know it is!

      • 88 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 11, 2015 at 16:29

        *giggles* You just missed me, Duketh!! Tis true, you know. You have, and now I’m rather sweet on it, see.
        Well, yes, I do ponder such tries, but I shan’t go alone. *pushing you up to the door first*

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke July 13, 2015 at 00:05

        *laughs* Of course I have!

        *bangs the door down* This is Audith!

      • 90 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 13, 2015 at 02:54

        *giggles* Aw. Knew it!
        *shocked face* Hey! Now their first impression of me will be that I am a man or have a man’s voice. Or are you announcing my arrival. *shouts* Tis Duketh, people…have a look.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 12:48

        I’m announcing you, the sudden. Just to be wicked. *bows for his announcing*

      • 92 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 14, 2015 at 22:53

        I saw this coming you must know, Sir. Lovely how no one noticed, don’t you think? *rushes to the punch bowl*

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke July 15, 2015 at 12:52

        What? They’re clapping, don’t you see!

      • 94 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 15, 2015 at 21:44

        Oh, they’re clapping for you. *whispers* They see your guitar. Play for them, my dear. Give it a good beating.

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 14:04

        What should I play?

      • 96 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 16, 2015 at 17:22

        Kashmir!!!!! Or Twinkle Twinkle…did we just crash a child’s birthday party?

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:42

        Oh, did you think that the one guitar thingy did a fair representation of Kashmir? Nah, the kids will love it!

      • 98 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 18, 2015 at 16:17

        Yes! I did, you know. I did. I think so, too.

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:13

        Well, thanks muches, then. It was hard to get right. But too much fun, you should know.

      • 100 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 20, 2015 at 17:13

        See? *smiling sweetly* This is why you were born to be you. You had a lot of pages, by the way.

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:34

        Wasn’t that an awful amount for that arrangement? They were actually blank. Just for show.

      • 102 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 21, 2015 at 19:37

        And here I was believing in you again. Liar! What a show.

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 12:36

        *laughs* Hey! It was for the story behind the shoot. Like a movie. None of it is really real. That arrangement is fake. Or mine, I suppose.

      • 104 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 22, 2015 at 16:00

        *giggling* I understand completely. We already have a relationship based off of false pretenses. *laughing so hard* Would be bad to allow that not to continue. I know it was yours, Duke. Has you written all over it. Amazing!

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:18

        *laughing* Oh dear!

  11. 106 Susan P July 10, 2015 at 16:34

    You see, what happens when you crash a party is that you find yourself among odd fellows. Gazooks! And how can you justify bringing Schwarzy into this den of weirdness?

    • 107 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 19:12

      Oh come on, Susan! Don’t you think Schwarz fits perfectly? Why…LadyP does, wouldn’t you know!

      • 108 Susan P July 12, 2015 at 13:04

        Well, I don’t think I would use “fits perfect” because I’m not entirely sure he fits in perfectly anywhere.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke July 13, 2015 at 00:10

        That is an awesomely good point. He might fit perfectly in Candyland.

      • 110 Susan P July 13, 2015 at 13:08

        That is a scary game.

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 12:54

        You know, I don’t even remember much of it. Does Princess like it lots?

      • 112 Susan P July 14, 2015 at 13:07

        Uh-huh. We played several rounds last time I took care of her. I beat her three out of three and then she decided it was time to do something else.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 21:35

        *Laughing* Go you! Wow. I bet she was feisty after that.

      • 114 Susan P July 15, 2015 at 01:21

        She is always feisty. Do. Not. mess. With. Her.

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke July 15, 2015 at 12:57

        I would not mess with the Princess ever. I can tell that she’s feisty.

      • 116 Susan P July 15, 2015 at 17:45

        She’s also a lot of fun.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 13:57

        She looks it! But she would beat me in Candyland.

      • 118 Susan P July 16, 2015 at 17:34

        Well, Candy Land does not require a great deal of skills.

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:43

        You know, I really forget how to play it. I like the king fellow.

      • 120 Susan P July 17, 2015 at 01:11

        You ARE old if you’ve forgotten how to play Candy Land.

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:06

        I told you. Older than any of the snakes we know.

      • 122 Susan P July 18, 2015 at 00:48

        Snakes who venture into our cat-laden yard do not have long live spans.

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 12:59

        *laughs* That’s true, I suppose. But wait till an anaconda comes!

  12. 124 Heartafire July 10, 2015 at 16:22

    Dear Professor, crashing parties is high on my list of things to do. I once crashed the white house state dinner…lies! That was actually the Salahi’s.
    I love old people, wrinkles and all, unless they are mean. I like the window plan.

    • 125 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 19:09

      *laughing* You’re hilarious! Okay, then, Hollie…it’s our new job. We must crash a white house dinner. Are you in?

      • 126 Heartafire July 10, 2015 at 20:51

        We can do this, no problem. I once joined the wedding party of some lovely couple and they were none the wiser.

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2015 at 23:54

        *laughs* Go you! You’re such an adventurer, Hollie.

      • 128 Heartafire July 13, 2015 at 00:24

        actually I’m quite tame. Smiles.

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 12:47

        Hmm, I believe that only a little bit, mind you.

  13. 130 Angeline M July 10, 2015 at 16:14

    Back to the parties, are you? The window seemed to be conveniently waiting for you it seems. I like old ladies with lots of wrinkles. I am one and working on my wisdom…and wrinkles too. I think I shall change my name to Shawnette. I like being old. Gives me license to say what I think and everyone just chalks it up to my being a crazy old lady. To you young whippersnappers, you’ll be there one day sooner than you think.

    • 131 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 19:06

      Ah, phooey! You’re young, Angeline. I know this cause the professor knows everything. Now, I’m older than ever today. See, wrinkles are normal and quite goodly good. But this lady, why, even you would’ve been shocked to see her. It’s more than old age, see. Wasn’t I spicy for breaking in?

  14. 132 Debbie July 10, 2015 at 14:01

    Is this Shawnette the only old lady who likes being called ‘Sir,’ or is this an old lady-thing? I’m just curious. And if she was that old and that wrinkly (an elephant…really?!?), perhaps she really was a he!

    Anyways, I’m glad to see the rats and heifers made it to this dull party. They can only liven things up a bit! Perhaps you’ve learned your lesson, Professor, NOT to sneak into boring gatherings where you weren’t invited? And to double the insult by dragging along a friend! No wonder the two of you got tossed out on your rear ends! *giggles* But I have to say Shawnette did have a point — youth is wasted on the young. (Dear me, that makes me sound as old as Shawnette, doesn’t it??!)

    • 133 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 19:02

      *laughing* Aren’t elephants semi wrinkly? Well…I think it’s just her thing. Or rather, I think she and Mr. R made it up on the spot.

      Now, hold on there, madam! You know the professor is very old, don’t you? I mean, like older than the mountains old? *professorish eye* Still, I bet you always wanted to sneak into a party!

      • 134 Debbie July 10, 2015 at 19:15

        You guessed me out, Professor! But I’d want to sneak into an interesting party, not a dull one! And sneaking in through a window should have been such fun — I guess this house didn’t have screens??!

      • 135 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 19:20

        Well, I busted the screen out; I didn’t want to say, ’cause it makes me sound even more destructive. Well, you and I just must sneak into a party some time. An interesting one! And bring Dallas, too.

      • 136 Debbie July 10, 2015 at 20:01

        Not destructive — warrior-like! And that’s good, you know. Okay, if there are treats to be had, count Dallas in! And let’s bring your two — they look fiercer than poor Dallas!

      • 137 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2015 at 23:52

        I’m sure Dallas can look all vicious–if he chooses! But there’ll definitely be treats and goodies, and all that sort of thing.

  15. 138 AmyRose July 10, 2015 at 13:38

    Well, Professor, long time no see and here I am with no blogging on my schedule today so I decided to pop in. A party! But alas not much of one. I laughed where upon that which was stated, “more wrinkles then an elepant”. Now, Sir, with all due respect, you are young and have NO clue yet what Life and oxygenation/gravity can do. So if I were you I would be wise to keep that kind of banter to yourself. All those wrinkles have been earned you know, and are a true sign of having lived LONG. You shall change your tune as the years go by, I can promise you that! Youth! Bah! You know nothing! And as for the “sir” remark, what is good for the goose is good for the gander! With that I say, “Good day, madame!”

    • 139 AmyRose July 10, 2015 at 17:01

      Pssssssssstttttttt!! Did you perhaps notice LadyP spelled elephant wrong? Dear me! How could she! Yet she did, proving, that even she, be human indeed! :)

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 19:14

        *laughs* I didn’t! Can you believe that?

      • 141 AmyRose July 10, 2015 at 20:09

        Hehehehehehe Ah, now the light is seen! Professor is NOT perfect either, it seems!!! *HEARTY LAUGH*

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2015 at 23:53

        Oh not at all. I’m like a butterfly that way.

      • 143 AmyRose🌹 July 13, 2015 at 12:47

        Somehow I do doubt this!

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 12:52

        You shouldn’t, don’t you know.

    • 145 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 19:00

      *gulps once then twice* You can’t call me madame! I’m too..warriorish! Now, you know the professor is older than the mountain. And that means, why…can you believe it? I’m older than you, too, the sudden!

      Good to see you again, LadyP. How’ve you been?

      • 146 AmyRose July 10, 2015 at 20:08

        LadyP can do anything she pleases, Madame! IF you call women sirs, then LadyP calls you Madame!
        As for being old. Don’t think so!
        As for how I’ve been …. VERY busy! And you?

      • 147 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2015 at 23:53

        I’m about 55 years older than you, sir!

        The professor has been somewhat busy–that’s what my analysts say, anyway.

      • 148 AmyRose🌹 July 13, 2015 at 00:18

        And my analysts say that I have been far busier then the Professor, you see, for I am the Queen of Busy. To be or not to be, that is the question, madame!

      • 149 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 12:47

        Oh, you don’t have any analysts!

  16. 150 desertdweller29 July 10, 2015 at 13:34

    Back to mischief making, I see. A comment on a woman’s age will surely get you thrown out of a place…promptly too. This sounds like a set up. Even the rats and heifers are in on it…

    • 151 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 18:59

      They must’ve been…but who set me up? That’s the question. Now, what do you suppose is a comment that will make a woman like you forever? Especially the woman of the story.

      • 152 FictionFan July 10, 2015 at 19:03

        Try “I own my own chocolate factory”…

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 19:19

        *laughs* But…there could always be that woman who hates chocolate…

      • 154 FictionFan July 10, 2015 at 23:50


      • 155 Professor VJ Duke July 13, 2015 at 00:02

        That’s my middle name!

      • 156 desertdweller29 July 10, 2015 at 20:43

        I brought chocolate.

        (What do you think of that!?)

      • 157 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2015 at 23:53

        Cherry chocolate?

  17. 158 masgautsen July 10, 2015 at 13:28

    I laughed out loud by this one. Great party ;)

    • 159 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 18:58

      Wasn’t it an interest? Imagine coming right through the window where they were! *bangs head on desk*

      • 160 masgautsen July 11, 2015 at 09:45

        Hehe. Don’t bang too hard you might hurt your head.

      • 161 Professor VJ Duke July 13, 2015 at 00:04

        I already have, don’t you know…rats!

  18. 162 FictionFan July 10, 2015 at 13:24

    Well, Professor, you deserved to be thrown out… on your bahooky! Right from the beginning you were clearly just trying to lead poor sweet Schwarzy into trouble! But if Shawnette thinks you’re young at 85, she must be nearly as old as BUS!! And she clearly hasn’t been using her wrinkle cream often enough…

    But despite your rudeness and crudeness, there’s no doubt that you still twinkle, twinkle just like a little star! *pops back to youtube* (On that subject, I love the little bit where you do a kind of wee sitting-down dance… that’s the first step to being able to do standing-up dancing! I’m soooooo excited!!!)

    • 163 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 18:56

      *laughs* Bahooky is such a funny word… Poor BUS! Don’t you pick on her!! Now, Schwarz wanted to come along. He asked nicely, so I said yes. Wasn’t that sweet of me?

      Ahh, you saw it! And did you hear Led Zeppelin? What a wonder that is, you must admit. (I know…I tried to cut that part. What can I say? It was so fun to shoot.)

      • 164 FictionFan July 10, 2015 at 23:36

        Not as funny as Pa! *giggles* Oh, she deserves it! You always take her side! He was probably being paid by Crackjaw to keep an eye on you…

        I did! And enjoyed it muchly much – indeed I did! Though you may be saddened to know I actually enjoyed the Twinkle, Twinkle bit more than the Led Zeppelin bit! Your little bored face is so…. *laughs* But I admit the LZ bit was considerably better than I feared it might be! It occurred to me that if you can master Twinkle then with a bit of practice you should be able to learn the basics of Three Blind Mice – so our duet could be on!! Oh, by the way – *silky smooth voice* – that’s surely not a medallion my C-W-W is hiding under his shirt… is it?!?

      • 165 Professor VJ Duke July 12, 2015 at 23:58

        I think I’m followed everywhere I go. I’m something of a convict. You know the other one is ‘ma’ right?

        You know, I was actually bored. Couldn’t stop yawning. Nick and I got right bored before shooting that. And I agree: I enjoyed playing the Twinkle parts more…though…it was cool condensing Kashmir–a song I’m sure you don’t know!–for just one guitar.

        Our duet is as good as played, madam!

        A medallion? Oh! No, that’s actually a cross. I got it…Christmas Day, and I haven’t taken if off since. Reminds me that no matter what I experience, Jesus experienced it, too. Something like that.

      • 166 FictionFan July 13, 2015 at 14:36

        *nods* I thought so. ‘Ma’ doesn’t sound so funny somehow – in fact, it sounds Glaswegian… with ‘Da’ as the other one.

        I don’t know Kashmir. In the interests of research I attempted to listen to the LZ version – but 40 seconds was my limit, I fear! But your version is growing on me. (Amazing number of views already! *swells with PEPish pride*)

        Oh, well, that’s OK then. Good, in fact, since it means you have no room for a medallion now!

      • 167 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 12:57

        Now, Da sounds funny to me. Imagine calling your father that! You just might get a beating!

        *mouth drops to the dirt and beyond* You never heard Kashmir? I can’t believe it! I must have speaks with WOB immediately. Oh, LZ is epic…but I would’ve guessed you wouldn’t have liked it much. So, did you think the guitar Kashmir (my arrangement) was a bit strange at first? It sure is, I admit. (Isn’t that awesome?)

        What have thou against a medallion? I’m picturing the one from Pirates of the Caribbean.

      • 168 FictionFan July 14, 2015 at 18:08

        Not if he was Glaswegian! Though on second thoughts, yeah! I think my Dad might well have given me a beating for that… a verbal one!

        Well, if I did my subconscious had blocked it. I’m not sure WOB was ever into LZ – I don’t remember them being played around the house much. Must ask him. I did – in truth it took a few listens to really begin to work for me. But then I’m not your ‘demographic’! (Totally awesome! But deserved… *smiles like Woola when John Carter gets back from Earth*)

        You can have any kind of mental image of medallions you like, so long as they don’t turn into the real thing, sir! *stares severely*

      • 169 Professor VJ Duke July 14, 2015 at 21:48

        *laughs* Verbal beatings are the worst! That’s what Liz does to Darby every other hour!!

        How interesting. They’re huge! I bet he likes them. You know, I’m not sure I know my demographic. It’s such a tricky business. (Thanks, FEF! Very tops of you.)

        But…but…why can’t I have one?

      • 170 FictionFan July 15, 2015 at 13:00

        But he’s a man! He probably deserves it…

        I’m frightened to ask because if he does he’ll probably start lending me CDs and asking my opinion… *shudders* I’m not sure either, but I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t be the perpetually-21-year-old Scottish female market!

        Because I say so!

      • 171 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 13:50

        Men don’t deserve such things! Just ask BUS! You need a man-information class, I fear.

        *laughs* Well, just ship his CDs over here, if he does that. Actually, see, I think you’re the exact audience. It seems Americans might not appreciate what I do, sorta. Some of them definitely do! It seems Europeans appreciate that stuff more, and especially someone like you, who has good musical tastes and actually loves to listen. Over here, we’re caught up on a lot of…crappy pop. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Hope that makes some sense.

        You must have a reason!

      • 172 FictionFan July 16, 2015 at 16:35

        Oooh, you should run one! I’d love to hear how a man feels men should be treated… *tries not to laugh*

        Couldn’t I just ship him over? Really? Do you get more views from Europeans then? I’d have thought the movie ones especially would appeal to Americans. *smiles bigly* I do love to listen, you know, you know – and especially to the more classical-y ones, but I love that you make them more modern sounding. The thing about doing real pop stuff is that it might get a big audience while the thing’s popular but it’ll probably stop getting listens quite quickly too. That’s what happens even with book reviews – reviewing the current hyped book gets lots of views for a week or two, but the reviews of classics go on getting views for ever. So I guess it’s a matter of finding a happy medium…

        Because it’s soooo ’70s!

      • 173 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:35

        I think men should be treated…righteously! Isn’t that good? I came up with it on the spot. Remember me, though, to set up such a meeting, please.

        Sure! I’d like to see what he listens to! Depends…it seems, with the more classical stuff, definitely yes. Oh yeah, the movie ones do appeal more here, very true. What an interesting thingy right there! I’ve never thought about that, but now that you said it…it’s very right and true. What’s one of your fav songs?

        Oh! *laughs* That’s it? Lots of good things happened in the ’70s. But it is before Kenny, so…I see what you mean.

      • 174 FictionFan July 17, 2015 at 15:23

        I like to think I always treat them just as they deserve… *gnomish face*

        It surprised me that so many Russians seem to be guitar fans. Hmm… that’s a surprisingly difficult question! I’m so fickle, you see…

        Yes, but style wasn’t one of them! And we may not have had Kenny but we did have plenty of other men with silly hairdos…

      • 175 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:19

        Oh dear. I fear it doesn’t bod well for them, the sudden.

        Lots of Russian guitarists. It’s a strange and good thing. Yes, I’d have trouble myself with that question.

        I agree! I don’t remember much about the style, since I’m so old and forgetful.

  19. 176 PorterGirl July 10, 2015 at 13:18

    *laughing lots* the best parties are always the ones to which one isn’t invited! Cunning plan to go in through the window – how rude of it to be so inconveniently placed. I shouldn’t worry about being ejected, it didn’t seem like such a good party anyway. This is quite a revelation about The Ladies, wanting to be called Sir. I am not sure how I would feel about it, no one had ever called me Sir so I suppose it is difficult to form an opinion.

    • 177 Professor VJ Duke July 10, 2015 at 18:54

      You know, half of me thinks Mr. R just made that up on the spot because he didn’t want to look like a fool. Isn’t that something might do? The bugger.

      They were sitting right there! Imagine. You’re right: the party was so boring it made me cry.

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