Wayback (TPL Story)

Big thanks to Susan Price, for the storyline to this TPL story!

~ PVJTPLStoryPic

***

One day, Ruber Salami was quite pleased with himself.

This doesn’t happen often, you must understand. It comes about once every fifteen years, I should think.

“Hey, dad,” he called. “Come and see this new device I built in the backyard.”

Daddy Salami jumped up. He’d been sitting at a table, doing nothing mostly.

“What’d ya do ta me backyard, cur-belly?”

Ruber chuckled. “Just wait until you see it!” And to himself: Dad will be so proud of me, he won’t care about the mess.

Then, they stepped into the backyard.

Daddy Salami had a sudden intake of breath. “Me yard!” he groaned.

And it was true.

See, Salami and Ruber live in a two room hut. The roof is propped up by a thick stick. So, the backyard isn’t overly nice. But it did have one redeeming feature: a hollow in a rotting log where birds bathed.

That feature was quite gone now. And in its place stood…the rotten log. Only, it had been made into a tiny room.

“Don’t worry about it, sheesh,” Ruber said, striding over to the tiny, rotting-log room. “This is a work of art, wouldn’t you know.”

Salami’s mouth dropped. “No, I wouldn’t know, cur.”

“That’s because,” Ruber said, “you don’t know what genius went into this. You don’t know what this is.”

“Surprise me, or die.”

Ruber gulped. It wasn’t going as planned.

“Okay, okay!” he soothed. “Keep your shirt on.”

“It’s on.”

Bad sign: When Salami started to get quiet.

“This is a…Wayback machine!”

And he said it with such excitement and with such enthusiasm, that Salami decided not to kill Ruber, but rather: “And what…is that?”

“This,” Ruber said, still quite excited and not at all aware of how he’d just prolonged his life, “will change your age. Don’t like how old you are? Get in the Wayback machine and become any age you want!”

Salami frowned. “How did a dummy like you come up with this?”

Ruber took a bit of insult there. “Scientist helped me with the chemical aspects of it.”

Now, Scientist is a chap who lives deep in the forest—even deeper than Salami and Ruber. He makes all kinds of things that are just evil and devilish.

Then Ruber ventured: “Do you wanna try it out?”

“Me?!” Salami was shocked. “No, dummy! Yer daddy would never get in there! Bwa-la-la!”

And that’s when Manly-Man showed up.

“Hey, dude,” he said to Salami, “you get your fat body in there, ‘cause Ruby done did a lot of work to build that for you.”

“He did not,” Salami replied. “He’s a cur-noodle.”

“At least try it out, dad!” Ruber pleaded.

Manly-Man smiled. Sorta like this: :}

“You owe it to him, honey-butts,” he said.

And, so, Salami tried it out. The little room quaked and jolted, and even lit up a few odd colors. Then there was a bang.

The door flew open.

And wonder upon wonders…there was a baby in there.

The baby was crying lots, too.

Ruber jumped. “No…no…it’s not supposed to be this way! What happened, eh?”

“I doesn’t trust your machine, Ruby,” Manly-Man said.

Ruber grabbed the baby. “Dad, I’m sorry, really I am!”

And while Ruber was preoccupied, Manly-Man could swear he heard a chuckle, and maybe he even spotted Daddy Salami disappearing into the forest…

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99 Responses to “Wayback (TPL Story)”


  1. 1 Louis from VA July 18, 2015 at 12:20

    DS comes up with the best insults. “Cur noodle” was especially amusing. :D I didn’t expect him to have such incredible sleight of hand though.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:05

      I know! He really was able to mix it up, huh?

  2. 3 Lady Dunamis July 17, 2015 at 18:08

    I am feeling some kind of way about Daddy Salami’s exit. On the one part, if he were converted to a baby, what would happen if Ruber decided to kill him? Would he disappear? On the other hand, if this is some diabolical plot on Salami’s behalf to bamboozle his own son, I dare say he is rude and crude.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:21

      *shocked* You’re quoting…Mr. R! It can’t be. But very good points. I think Salami is up to no good. You should go have speaks with him.

  3. 5 L. Marie July 16, 2015 at 14:11

    Shades of Mr. Peabody and Sherman! Ruber is quite the artist, I see. And how lovely to see Manly-Man once more. He always dresses up a scene.

    Um, whose baby is that?

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 14:12

      MM does add the needed “goodness” to a scene. Must get skits back just for him.

      I’m not sure! Do you suppose DS stole it?

      • 7 L. Marie July 17, 2015 at 14:02

        Probably, unless an announcement will be forthcoming about Daddy Salami’s newest child.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:15

        I hope not. He’s such a horrid father.

  4. 9 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 15, 2015 at 22:05

    A Way back machine?! So brilliant!! Now, how far back can I go? How did DS get that baby there, Duketh? Giggling. This story is awesome. I’ve missed MM and his perfect way of speaking. I love the log. I want one in my backyard. A rotting log turned into a flower pot. I’ve heard of worse. Nature has sneaky beauty. Back to sneaky stuff…how did he get the baby there, Sir?

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 14:08

      I’m not sure! Do you suppose, though, the baby is from his daycare, that he once had? Very possible. Or Sandra was in on it. That’s a possibility too.

      Isn’t MM great? He reminds me of MM, you know.

      I must admit, this professor fell in love with that log, too.

      • 11 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 16, 2015 at 17:17

        Yes, of course, the daycare. Of course. MM is cool, for sure.
        I saw a picture of the log in my mind instantly. I must find a photo of one soon. Poem to follow, of course.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:40

        Ooo, would love to read your poem on that! Is there a bird in the picture, do you suppose?

      • 13 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 18, 2015 at 16:06

        I hope so…smiling. Duke…aww.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:09

        Aww….that’s a dangerous sign. Aww is.

      • 15 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 20, 2015 at 17:07

        I know.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:30

        But I might like it.

      • 17 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 21, 2015 at 19:43

        Aww. Might is better than nothing.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 12:38

        *swings katana for a bit*

      • 19 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 22, 2015 at 16:03

        You’re ignoring me.

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:19

        I wouldn’t do that!

  5. 21 Simply Skeptical July 15, 2015 at 20:33

    Well Daddy sounds to be a bit magician too. Quite a character he is. Hilarious tale laughing lots..

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 14:04

      Now, SS, do you suppose MM was in on it?

  6. 23 Debbie July 15, 2015 at 17:59

    A switcheroo, huh? This one begs the question, Where did D.S. find that poor baby to take his place and pull the wool over Ruber’s eyes?? Something tells me MM and Ruber are going to be at each other’s throats over this deception! What a cool invention, though, for those seeking to turn back the clock. Just one problem — who really wants to be a baby all over again?!? Thanks for making me laugh today, Professor — ’tis considerate of you to lighten the mood!

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 14:04

      *laughs* Well, it’s my pleasure, Debbie! Now…do you suppose the baby came from his daycare? It’s possible, you know. If he still has one, that is. Quite right…I can’t imagine wanting to be a baby again. That’d be horrid.

  7. 25 Heartafire July 15, 2015 at 14:40

    This is delightful! It truly made me smile, it is sweet. ” a hollow in a rotting log where birds bathed.” …brilliant!

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 13:55

      Thanks bunches, Hollie! Now…do you suppose the machine is a farce?

      • 27 Heartafire July 16, 2015 at 17:22

        machine ? O, the ever skeptic, I would say that’s a strong possibility. :-)

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:42

        You wouldn’t want to test it out, would you?

      • 29 Heartafire July 17, 2015 at 13:13

        Actually, I am so excited about it I can scarcely breathe. Here is my chance to go “way-back” and tie up some loose ends!

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:12

        Oh dear…nothing too gory, I fear?

      • 31 Heartafire July 18, 2015 at 13:34

        no, nothing gory. I could cover Mardi Gras or Hemingway Days, the tough stuff.

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:06

        Now, what is Hemingway Days?

      • 33 Heartafire July 20, 2015 at 13:49

        The Hemingway Days Festival is an opportunity to live a ‘short happy life’ in Key West for one week in July, celebrating Ernest Hemingway’s Key West legacy. The writer wrote “For Whom the Bell Tolls” in his home (preserved as an historical site) on Whitehead Street Prof. In reality it’s a week long party.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:25

        I like the sound of this! Can you go and sit in his house? I think I might do this. After all, he wouldn’t mind at all. A week long party…is just…fab!

      • 35 Heartafire July 21, 2015 at 11:44

        He has had little to say about the partying. I have considered setting up housekeeping in the Hemingway House. No one lives there.

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 12:23

        Definitely. Let’s steal it. No one will care. Plus…it’s rather nice for a house.

      • 37 Heartafire July 22, 2015 at 14:56

        it comes equipped with an Olympic size pool and 19 six toed cats, who could ask for more.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:14

        Well, you might sell the cats, and make the pool into a tennis court!

      • 39 Heartafire July 22, 2015 at 19:45

        the cats are direct descendants of Hemingway’s six toed cat. Tennis court sounds good, after I win we could stop in at Papa John’s. Fun!

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2015 at 23:57

        That sounds brilliant! If I swim, though, I’ll probably sink.

  8. 41 Susan P July 15, 2015 at 13:36

    You made a wee skeleton post into a hilarious piece of skulduggery. It even made me laugh.Bravo! I needed that today!

    • 42 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 13:54

      Thank you, Susan, for the great idea! I struggle the most with–would you believe–coming up with a storyline! Now, I think Ruber will need therapy, though.

  9. 43 FictionFan July 15, 2015 at 13:17

    Ooh, maybe you should try it, Prof! This could be the answer to your wobbly knees problem! I’d try it myself except that, as you know, I am eternally youthful anyway…

    *laughs* It really worries me, you know, you know, that I can always hear the Old Sausage’s voice in my head when I read his dialogue. Nice to hear from MM again too – it’s been a while!

    • 44 Susan P July 15, 2015 at 13:39

      You know, you are eternally youthful. One only begins to age when he or she forgets how to laugh.

    • 45 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 13:54

      I don’t need it, the sudden! Haven’t you heard? My knees have recovered beautifully! It’s from all the exercise, too.

      That’s a great thing! Must get skits back up. Must. Must. I’ll just keep repeating this over and over.

      • 46 FictionFan July 16, 2015 at 16:36

        Oh good! That must mean you’re fit for dancing at last! When shall we start?

        Must. Must. I’ll keep repeating it too, chickit!

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:36

        Well…can we dance in that castle on top of the water?

        I know. I’m just trying to find a new way to do things.

      • 48 FictionFan July 17, 2015 at 15:24

        Oooh, yes!! *puts on dancing shoes quick before he changes his mind*

        This may be a stupid question, but… what was wrong with the old way?

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:20

        We could also have a snipers nest up there…might be cooler!

        Well…it wasn’t…it wasn’t…woogie enough, if that makes sense.

      • 50 FictionFan July 18, 2015 at 15:05

        Good idea! Suddenly I don’t feel like dancing.

        I’m sure it does, in the Punchy Lands.

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:07

        Oh, you’re safest when moving. Snipers can’t get a zone on that, promise.

        Yes, I think my mind is making a decline.

  10. 52 PorterGirl July 15, 2015 at 13:16

    This… is… FABULOUS! Great team work by you and Susan, Professor! The Wayback Machine is a wonder, certainly. And what a curious smile MM has (great to see him back, by the way! I really must thank him for introducing us). But – if that baby isn’t really DS, where did the baby come from?! I hope it wasn’t wandering the woods alone. This has brought great cheer to my Wednesday, many thanks to all.

    • 53 Susan P July 15, 2015 at 13:38

      I believe that whole thing will have Ruber scratching his whiskers for a long time.

      • 54 PorterGirl July 15, 2015 at 15:21

        Well, what else is one to do with whiskers? Poor Ruber, I do feel for him sometimes. I think he needs a nice big hug.

      • 55 Susan P July 15, 2015 at 17:40

        I trust him as much as a rattle snake in the house

      • 56 PorterGirl July 15, 2015 at 17:50

        The poor fellow!

      • 57 Susan P July 15, 2015 at 17:53

        He’s sneaky.

      • 58 PorterGirl July 15, 2015 at 18:32

        It’s probably down to a chronic lack of self-belief. Or maybe I am just being kind.

      • 59 Susan P July 15, 2015 at 18:42

        Golly! Ruber pushed DS over the cliff.

      • 60 PorterGirl July 16, 2015 at 04:15

        DS was sort of asking for it at the time, as I recall.

      • 61 Susan P July 16, 2015 at 11:17

        Ah, well. They are a pair of rascals in any case . ;)

      • 62 PorterGirl July 16, 2015 at 11:21

        They are! I do love a good rascal ;)

      • 63 Susan P July 16, 2015 at 11:24

        Because it takes on to know one…;)

      • 64 PorterGirl July 16, 2015 at 11:26

        That must be exactly it ;)

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 14:09

        I’m the worst rascal, because I have a beetle collection.

      • 66 PorterGirl July 16, 2015 at 14:19

        I am more rascally, for sure! My middle name is rascal.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:24

        Rats and a Heifer! Mine…is…is monster!

      • 68 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 04:19

        *laughing lots*

      • 69 Susan P July 16, 2015 at 17:24

        The two of us together in the UK might be interest,

      • 70 PorterGirl July 16, 2015 at 17:53

        Wouldn’t that be marvellous?! I think we would have quite a time and many laughs.

      • 71 Susan P July 16, 2015 at 20:09

        And we would need to visit a fair amount of statues.

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:45

        *laughs* And pose!

      • 73 Susan P July 17, 2015 at 01:17

        But of course.

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:07

        *nods decidedly*

      • 75 Susan P July 18, 2015 at 00:53

        For how long”?

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:01

        About a day!

      • 77 Susan P July 20, 2015 at 13:40

        That sounds about right.

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:24

        Then dinner with lots of things to eat, I say.

      • 79 Susan P July 21, 2015 at 20:34

        Lobster and squid?

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 12:40

        I’d be scared of those two.

      • 81 Susan P July 22, 2015 at 14:20

        Why is that ?

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:12

        Well, because I’ve never had them.

      • 83 Susan P July 22, 2015 at 21:00

        Wow. But how?

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2015 at 00:06

        Well…just because, I suppose. Neglect!

      • 85 Susan P July 24, 2015 at 01:01

        You need a baby sitter to keep them entertained.

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2015 at 17:42

        Or someone to eat them right up.

      • 87 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 04:14

        And take photos of ourselves pretending to be them!

      • 88 Susan P July 17, 2015 at 12:00

        That’s right! :D

    • 89 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 13:52

      Thanks bunches, Lucy!! Yes, MM did show up. And you must thank him some time. He’s a great chap overall. *laughing* Imagine if the baby was wandering in the woods alone! Now, that is something I’d love The Dean to stumble upon. I think he’d take to it well.

      • 90 PorterGirl July 16, 2015 at 13:55

        A fabulous chap, our dear MM. Now, if The Dean found a baby wandering in the woods I imagine his first thought would be “What the bugger am I doing in the woods?” And then he might think about the baby. Hmm, The Dean and a lost baby… that gives me an idea, of sorts.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke July 16, 2015 at 14:10

        *laughing* I can see that! Imagine if he had to care for the thing. I don’t think he’d just leave it there. That’d be hilarious.

      • 92 PorterGirl July 16, 2015 at 14:20

        You have just given me the greatest idea ever. I shall expand further when we next have speaks. I feel a Christmas special coming on.

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:25

        Oh goody! *rubs hands together like a grinch* That sounds so exciting. Do I get a hint?

      • 94 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 04:20

        There will be an abandoned baby in it. Is that enough of a hint? *giggles*

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:08

        Yes! I’m loving on it already.

      • 96 PorterGirl July 18, 2015 at 08:57

        Fabulous!

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:02

        *bows for no apparent reason*

      • 98 PorterGirl July 20, 2015 at 13:13

        *loves it*

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:20

        *laughs* Thank you!


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