Secret Diary of PorterGirl—AVAILABLE NOW!

PF, there is this very special occasion that I just must announce:

The professor’s good friend, Lucy Brazier, just published a book! (You can find her here on Twitter and here on Facebook.)received_10202985369275459

Now, check out this trailer, if you please:

Lucy dropped by TPL Studios this week for a special interview.



Many thanks and then some for being here, Lucy! Let’s get this vicious show started.

PROFESSOR VJ DUKE: Secret Diary of PorterGirl is just brilliant. I remember the first few times I read those blog stories, and I have to say, it wasn’t long before I’d fallen in love with the characters. The Dean, Head Porter, Head of Catering… Now, here’s the thing, are those characters based on any real persons? I know, for example, that most of TPL’s characters are, in fact, based on real people—living and dead! What about PG characters? 

LUCY BRAZIER: Well, thank you very much, Professor! I am rather fond of my characters
myself. Some of the characters certainly are inspired by real life people, although not all of them from the College where I worked. The Dean, Senior Bursar and Junior Bursar started off as quite close to their real-life counterparts but have evolved quite substantially over time. Not so much Senior Bursar obviously – I had him electrocuted quite early on. Head Porter is a bit different in that he bares no relation to anyone at all, really. He was developed with the help of actor Paul Butterworth who plays him in the Head Porter Chronicles videos. Some of the characters don’t exist at all – like Professor K. I invented him just because I needed someone to be murdered. I feel a bit bad about that.

PVJ: Can you talk a bit about what it was like being a Porter—one of the few female Porters, no less—at a college? Was it nerve-wracking, exciting, devilishly fun?

LUCY: Being a Porter was much less fun than it appears in PorterGirl, but it certainly did SAM_2220have its moments. The May Ball was quite a spectacle and there was always plenty of food available. I did have some good giggles with the students and lots of the Fellows were genuinely very humorous. Day to day, though, my tasks were often focused on keeping track of about a million keys with an almost obsessive tenacity. Head Porter wasn’t happy if any keys went missing and if Head Porter wasn’t happy, no-one was happy. That said, there were occasional opportunities for games of hide and seek with some of the Porters and also sneaking up on the Organ Scholar in the organ loft and making him jump was quite fun.

PVJ: I just have to ask this, just because: The Dean is my favorite PG character. What is his favorite food?

LUCY: Wow, that is an unexpected question! Hmm, I suspect it would be something meaty. I reckon steak and chips (fries) with a nice little salad which he always leaves to one side. The Dean is certainly not a salad man.

PVJ: When you write characters do you say, “I’m going to make this chap here a main character,” or, do the characters almost evolve. In other words, do you have a choice who becomes a main character or not?

DSC_0588LUCY: They sort of decide amongst themselves, I think! Obviously the story is seen through the eyes of Deputy Head Porter but recently in the blog she has taken more of a back seat in the action. Sometimes, Head Porter is very much at the forefront of things and other times we don’t hear much from him at all. The Dean is quite often center stage, he is demanding like that. It very much depends on the story at hand. For example, the next epic tale will see Head Porter falling in love! This was a concious descion to write a story about him and I am keen to include Head Of Catering more as well. No doubt the other characters will all be vying for attention so although I have a plan, I am never quite sure how it will actually work out.

PVJ: Now, we must speak of something rather dark here. There’s been an ugly rumor floating about. This is it: At one point, you wanted to kill off The Dean. Is this true? And why were you thinking of doing that?!

LUCY: It is true! The Dean very nearly met a grisly end. This was at the time I was clearing out characters who were too closely related to the real Fellowship. But he had a last minute reprieve – he was by far the most popular character with the readers and, actually, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Now, I think he shall be indestructible. You can’t have Old College without The Dean!

PVJ: So, Lucy, one of things new-ish writers most often wonder about published authors is how much do they plan? For instance, do you plan a PorterGirl adventure? Is it all planned out before you write the first sentence, or does the story evolve as you write?

LUCY: A bit of both, really. I come up with an overall storyline first, whether it be the stolen painting in The Vanishing Lord or people dying mysteriously in Smoke & Mirrors – even a quest for the Holy Grail! I always know the ending before I know the beginning. Then I do lots and lots of thinking through of all number of ways the story could possibly pan out and pick the best bits. This process can go on for a week or so as I patch together all the elements and ideas I want to include. That said, more often than not things take unexpected turns – sometimes at the demands of the readers!

PVJ: Writers often say they can’t choose between their characters, but…do you have a favorite? Now, be honest, you really can’t hurt their feelings, remember.

LUCY: It is The Dean, of course. He is my absolute favourite. He is the most fun to write as he can do or say practically anything and get away with it. Also, I think he is probably handsome. Especially in his Zorro outfit.

PVJ: Okay, most writers have literary inspirations—be it book or person. Do you have any?

LUCY: I was always a big fan of Terry Pratchett growing up and I loved Douglas Adams but weirdly I think it was reading Oscar Wilde that really inspired me to become a writer.

PVJ: If you had three words—only three words—to describe the book you hated most…whatPGseated would they be? Also, please let me know the title of the book. I always love to know what’s being ripped.

LUCY:The three words are : suicide inducing drivel and I attribute them to the god-awful book I was forced to read for English Literature at school called The Wizard Of Earthsea. I just remember it being the dullest thing I had ever read and my friends felt the same. We used to mime slitting our wrists when the teacher told us to take it out of our bags.

PVJ: It was epic having you here today, but before we’re done…one more question!

PVJ: Do you listen to music while you write? I hear there’s a war on this very topic.

LUCY: A war? Goodness! I quite often listen to music when I am writing, or sometimes I watch TV. I find it difficult to do just one thing at once, which is why I am bad in a cinema. I get twitchy if I haven’t got at least two things to occupy me. I can highly recommend The Penguin Cafe Orchestra and Frank Zappa as great writing music, if it helps.

It has been brilliant, Professor – thank you for having me!


Find out more about PorterGirl and her adventures, here: Secret Diary of PorterGirl.

The book is available here and here.

121 Responses to “Secret Diary of PorterGirl—AVAILABLE NOW!”

  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 July 22, 2015 at 13:36

    This was amazing! :-D Interviews are marvelous. :-) I’m so excited for the book! I think I’ll ask for it for Christmas, or something of the sort ;-)

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:08

      It is an awesome book–even for Sith haters! You’ll love it!

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 July 22, 2015 at 22:11

        I can’t wait to read it! :-D

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2015 at 00:07

        You will dig it all the way to China.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 July 24, 2015 at 12:28

        :-D :-D :-D *dances with excitement*

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2015 at 17:50

        *bows and his hat falls off*

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 July 25, 2015 at 15:55

        *picks up hat, dusts it off and tries it on* There! Do I look professorish now? ;-P

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke July 28, 2015 at 14:06

        You do! How’s it feel?

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 July 28, 2015 at 16:43

        It feels marvelous! But I think I need a vest or waistcoat, maybe. And a cane to complete the look. I could be a Victorian adventurer, you know! ;-D

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke July 28, 2015 at 20:02

        You sure could be! Here’s a mustache as well.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 July 28, 2015 at 21:51

        *sticks it on* Now I can pass as Doctor Watson! :-P
        I know! If I appear in the PL, I will be a Victorian lady who is also a spy! :-D

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke July 29, 2015 at 13:39

        That’s brilliant! Would you have a secret knife?

      • 13 erinkenobi2893 July 29, 2015 at 13:47

        Probably, seeing that criminals love to try and sneak up on us. :-P

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke July 29, 2015 at 19:13

        Criminals are a sneaky lot all around, I think.

      • 15 erinkenobi2893 July 30, 2015 at 16:15

        Yes, they’re a rather nasty lot. :-P
        What should my decoy name be? ;-)

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:27


      • 17 erinkenobi2893 July 31, 2015 at 14:54

        Mmmm… lacks a bit of an artistic flare, I think. I will keep thinking!

  2. 18 L. Marie July 17, 2015 at 14:07

    Lovely interview! Congratulations, Lucy, on the debut of your book. I smiled when I saw that you are a fan of Terry Pratchett. I can’t help thinking of his wizards at Unseen University.

    • 19 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:15

      Many thanks! *bows but his hat stays on* I need to read a Pratchett I’m thinking.

    • 20 PorterGirl July 20, 2015 at 13:36

      Thank you! The real Old College reminded me so much of the Unseen University, you know.

  3. 21 Debbie July 17, 2015 at 13:46

    See what I miss when I don’t turn on my computer ALL DAY?? ‘Tis a brilliant interview, Professor — and I was fascinated to hear Lucy’s take on music while writing. Lucy, best wishes for much success with your book (by the way, that Wizard of Earthsea sounds dreadful!!)

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:14

      Well, you were taking a holiday, Debbie! Nothing wrong with that, I’d say. Thanks bunches. I’m getting so proud of it. Lucy is a perfect on to interview. Makes me look spicy, see.

    • 23 PorterGirl July 20, 2015 at 13:37

      Thanks, Debbie! And yes, it was truely an awful book. Ghastly, in fact!

  4. 24 Chris White July 17, 2015 at 12:39

    Reblogged this on Routine Matters.

  5. 25 drewdog2060drewdog2060 July 17, 2015 at 07:36

    Reblogged this on newauthoronline and commented:
    Secret Diary of Portergirl is one of my favourite blogs so I was pleased to read this interview with it’s author, Lucy Brazier.

    • 26 PorterGirl July 20, 2015 at 13:37

      Thank you, as ever Kevin!

  6. 27 Jack Eason July 17, 2015 at 06:43

    Reblogged this on Have We Had Help? and commented:
    Lucy’s book is out!!!! ;)

    • 28 PorterGirl July 20, 2015 at 13:41

      Thanks, Jack!

      • 29 Jack Eason July 20, 2015 at 15:20

        Your welcome :)

  7. 30 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 06:33

    Reblogged this on Secret Diary Of PorterGirl and commented:
    A fine interview covering such diverse topics as the book I really hate to what The Dean likes to eat… unmissable, surely!

  8. 31 Simply Skeptical July 16, 2015 at 23:34

    Well I must say this whole interview was completely inspiring from interviewer to interviewee ( is that right ) naw probably not. I’ll look forward to reading the book it sounds great! Best of Luck for hitting the top best seller list!!! :-)

    • 32 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:47

      Yes, that’s probably tops….interviewee…I like that lots, actually, SS.

    • 33 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 06:26

      Well thank you very much! Not sure about hitting the best seller list, buy appearing on TPL is certainly a career highlight!

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:09

        It’s definitely worthy of hitting the best seller list!

      • 35 PorterGirl July 18, 2015 at 08:59

        Aw – you are only saying that because you are in it! *blushes*

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:03

        No, it’s really tops. You’re an extremely good writer, but you know this, ’cause I tell you all the time. I’m chuffed I’m in it.

      • 37 PorterGirl July 20, 2015 at 13:18

        I am chuffed to have you in it, I say! I hope you will make appearances in the follow up books, too. And you are very kind to say nice things to me so often.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:21

        You know I’d love to! Whatever you need, the professor is here to do.

      • 39 PorterGirl July 21, 2015 at 11:46

        Super marvellous. You are now in the next two books, at least.

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 12:24

        I know!!! Can’t tell you how excited that makes me.

      • 41 PorterGirl July 22, 2015 at 13:02

        Excited enough to do a little dance? *laughs*

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:07

        Umm…maybe yes! Just a little one.

      • 43 PorterGirl July 22, 2015 at 19:22

        *faints with shock* I shall have to put you in every book, now!

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:25

        But…it was a discreet one!

      • 45 PorterGirl July 22, 2015 at 20:13

        Well, you will be in them anyway!

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke July 23, 2015 at 23:57

        *squeals like Lucy might*

      • 47 PorterGirl July 24, 2015 at 05:03

        *is delighted*

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2015 at 17:46

        *is more so*

  9. 49 walt walker July 16, 2015 at 22:41

    Well done all around. Best of luck with the book, Lucky!

    • 50 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:46

      And that’s because Dick didn’t show up, you know.

    • 51 walt walker July 17, 2015 at 01:16

      I meant to type “Lucy,” of course. I feel quite silly now.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:07

        *laughing* I maybe had a good laugh over that.

    • 53 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 06:27

      Thank you Walt! Have a top weekend.

  10. 54 John W. Howell July 16, 2015 at 22:32

    Excellent interview Professor. The questions were well done and unlike with meat, perfect.

    • 55 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:46

      *laughing lots* Oh, John, that’s a great one right there.

      • 56 John W. Howell July 17, 2015 at 12:39


      • 57 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:10

        *laughs too*

  11. 58 Heartafire July 16, 2015 at 17:40

    I adore Lucy, she is tops and I look forward to adding her to my library, her book. Congrats on an outstanding interview dear Professor, you have touched on all the topics of interest (particularly the Dean’s favorite fare).
    Postscript: You have an amazing blog here! My best for a fabulous day.

    • 59 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:44

      What a great thing to say, Hollie! Quite right, I was so curious as to what The Dean liked to eat, see. Now…you must let me know what you think of the book. So…am I a good interviewer, would you say?

      Thanks bunches, Hollie! That’s very sweet of you.

      • 60 Heartafire July 17, 2015 at 13:05

        You are more than welcome, thank you for providing a bright spot at WP. Of course, we all want to know what the Dean eats and thankfully you were inquisitive enough to go there. You are a fine interviewer, I don’t care what anyone says. Have the loveliest of week-ends Prof. Thank you again for the fantastic and entertaining reads.

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:11

        You’re most welcome! Thanks for dropping by. Now, I’m starting to fancy being an interviewer. They get to wear interesting shoes, don’t they?

      • 62 Heartafire July 18, 2015 at 02:11

        clunky shoes are the best.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:01

        Even better than slippers?

      • 64 Heartafire July 20, 2015 at 13:50

        Slippers are good (especially with the little bunny ears).

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:25

        *laughs* But…but…not for the professor!

      • 66 Heartafire July 21, 2015 at 11:42

        it is a matter of taste, they come in a camophlage pattern, suitable for the professor.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 12:22

        Yes, now those ones…I could wear. For a warrior, see.

      • 68 Heartafire July 22, 2015 at 14:57

        I thought of you immediately when I saw the camophlage bunny slippers.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:14

        *smiles bigly* Definitely my thing right there.

    • 70 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 06:28

      You are very kind, Heartafire – very big hugs to you. And isn’t TPL a fabulous blog? One of my very, very favourites if not my actual favourite. Have a super weekend!

      • 71 Heartafire July 17, 2015 at 13:00

        Hi PorterGirl, congratulations on your book, I think the Professor has done a marvelous job displaying it, I am very excited and eager to read it. I adore the TPL, it is definitely a bright spot! Thank you for visiting House, my very best for a wonderful weekend.

      • 72 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 13:12

        Hi Heartafire, thank you so much! The Professor is a super chap and no mistake – he does a marvellous job of just about everything! I hope you enjoy the book and also have a super duper weekend yourself.

  12. 73 desertdweller29 July 16, 2015 at 17:16

    Awesome interview and book trailer! Good luck with the book, Lucy! I have to find out who this Dean character is…

    • 74 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:39

      *bows and his hat falls off* Thank you, DD. Isn’t the Dean awesome?

    • 75 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 06:29

      Thanks, DD! So pleased you liked the trailer. The Dean is a mysterious and offensive chap, but for some reason we all love him.

  13. 76 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 16, 2015 at 17:09

    Congratulations, Lucy!!! What a great day for an interview and by the professor nonetheless. Awesome. Best of luck to you. I know if the professor loves your stories, then they are worth a read. Good luck!! I can almost see your glow from here. All the hard work really is worth it. Well done interview, Duketh. Of course you’d like the Dean…seems the two of you could swop stories over tea. Smiles.

    • 77 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:39

      The Dean and I are great buddies, you should know. We eat cherries and cashews all the time. So, do you suppose I interviewed okay? I’m sorta new at it. I have done it before. I’m a reporter of such, the sudden, see.

      • 78 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 18, 2015 at 16:03

        Sounds like a perfect fit, actually. The Dean may teach you a few things about life. Yes, your interview was done well, odd, but done well. *giggles* Kidding…so good, Duketh. Oh, you’ve reported a few interviews in your time and they are wonderful. I loved your character interviews. Remember those…?

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:09

        Oh, I do remember those! Wow, they must’ve been ten years ago at least. Goodness, how time passes. Odd…that’s a good thing. Now, would you say I’m odd?

      • 80 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 20, 2015 at 17:05

        Oh, shush! *snarls a little* You beast. Yes, I think odd is a good thing. I always have, Duke. To look at you. No. *shakes head* However, spend a little time with you and yes, you become odd, and I love it so much. *cheers*

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:29

        *laughing lots* What’d I say? You just admitted I’m odd, which is rather spicy, you know. I shall be proud of that for some time.

      • 82 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 21, 2015 at 19:49

        Poking fun at my reminiscing over days of a year or so ago. *giggling* Yes. Tis spicy. And so are you. I’d be proud, as well, if one is self confidant enough to manage such a title. You, my dear, seem to be oozing it. *laughs*

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 12:39

        I ooze odd! *laughs* That’s even better. Now I shall say it about quite plainly.

      • 84 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 22, 2015 at 16:05

        Sounds amazing to me, Duketh. I might be envious. *waits* Let’s hear it…

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:19

        I ooze oddness and oddness!

    • 86 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 06:30

      You are most kind. Having the Professor as a fan is the greatest honour, I assure you. Oh, he and The Dean would never stop talking, you know.

      • 87 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 18, 2015 at 16:05

        Smiles. He has that affect on people, Lucy. You seem suited well and can handle him just fine. I don’t think the professor stops talking, you know.

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:09

        Humph noodles…!

      • 89 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 20, 2015 at 17:07

        *sparkles* You know it’s true!

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:30

        *holds ears* Can’t hear you!

      • 91 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 21, 2015 at 19:45

        A fine way for you to behave, Sir. *stares blankly*

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 12:38

        I’m always behaving just perfectly.

      • 93 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 22, 2015 at 16:03

        Brown noser, you.

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:19

        Whatever is a brown noser?

      • 95 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 23, 2015 at 15:11

        Someone who encourages in order to futher their position with someone in a higher authority… *changes name to Webster* I sound smartish there.

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2015 at 00:16

        *laughing lots* Very wise! But…that means you just insulted me.

      • 97 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister July 24, 2015 at 04:12

        Did not!

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke July 24, 2015 at 17:44

        *holds ears*

  14. 99 FictionFan July 16, 2015 at 15:10

    Great interview! And having read the book I can also say – great book! Good luck with it, Lucy!

    • 100 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:27

      Oh, sweet! I’m glad you dug the book. Don’t I ask the most wickedest questions ever?

      • 101 FictionFan July 17, 2015 at 15:04

        Indeed you do!

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:16

        That’s because I’ve got a filthy mind.

      • 103 FictionFan July 18, 2015 at 15:04

        Not true and anyone who says it is deserves a beating…

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:07

        *laughing* Really? I have permission to beat, then?

      • 105 FictionFan July 20, 2015 at 14:20

        Yes, but remember – it was you who said it! Be careful you don’t hurt yourself too much!

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:28

        I won’t beat myself, dadblameit! I must beat…some fish or something.

    • 107 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 06:31

      This is the greatest compliment I will ever receive in my entire career – thanks, FF! (The finest reviewer in the land)

  15. 108 PorterGirl July 16, 2015 at 14:50

    Thank you for welcoming me to TPL, Professor! This is definitely my best interview yet. And in the future. Nothing tops this! Big hugs to you and all the Punchy Family for stopping by!

    • 109 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 00:26

      And big hugs back! Our pleasure to have you, and that’s the truth. I should’ve given you some cornbread. Isn’t that what’s done during interviews?

      • 110 PorterGirl July 17, 2015 at 04:23

        It was a complete joy, I assure you. Is that the done thing? You know I am happy to receive food in general. I needs must do more interviews as they seem to come with food.

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke July 17, 2015 at 22:09

        Yes, cornbread with peppers in it. Now if that’s not strange I don’t know what is.

      • 112 PorterGirl July 18, 2015 at 08:58

        Sounds very tasty, though, let’s give it a try!

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke July 20, 2015 at 13:03

        You know, when I was in OK…that’s how the cornbread was. Actually, I visited Toby Keith’s restaurant, can you believe.

      • 114 PorterGirl July 20, 2015 at 13:16

        Well, it seems quite a sensible way to have cornbread to me. Any added extras are always a good thing? Was it a good restaurant?

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke July 21, 2015 at 11:21

        It is…even if it’s a bit…odd, since it’s got sugar on it and all that. It was a great restaurant. The thing about being out west…or more west…is that the portions are huge!

      • 116 PorterGirl July 21, 2015 at 11:45

        Hurrah for huge portions, I say! I like nothing more than a large portion.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 12:23

        They’re the best of things! Small portions just make everyone everywhere very cranky. That’s a truth.

      • 118 PorterGirl July 22, 2015 at 13:02

        A truthly truth indeed. No one wants a small portion!

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:06

        Not even a snail!

      • 120 PorterGirl July 22, 2015 at 19:21

        Especially not a bacon-stealing snail!

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke July 22, 2015 at 19:25

        *laughing lots and lots* So right!

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

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