Do you believe it? Be honest now, for it’s about half of a truth plus a quarter of one.
Do you? You must answer below and tell me why.
But anyway, I stayed behind.
This professor did. J. Freedwoppen and Julia Thompson went back home, but I stayed. I wasn’t about to let King Arthur’s bathroom gag fool me.
After all, who uses the bathroom for 10 hours?
It was a lie, I’m thinking.
So, after sending J. and Julia home (they wanted to go), I crept back into the castle.
Daddy Salami caught me in the hall.
Now, there’s something you should know about King Arthur’s castle.
Part of it is medieval, but the other part (the new part) is something from a glorious palace. It doesn’t match at all. It’s like taking a cantaloupe and smashing it onto a pork butt.
But enough of that.
Salami stopped me in the hall right before the castle turned “glorious.”
“Hey, noodle-trout,” he said with a snarl, “what ya sneaking around for?”
When faced with a question one cannot hope to answer, one must tell a lie. It’s a well-known truth.
“I must needs use a bathroom.”
Salami eyed me wearily. “Can’t you go in the weeds?”
I must admit, the professor was caught off guard by that question.
“Cur. This way.”
And he led me into the glorious part of the castle (white tile floors, white tile walls, lots of huge windows, and leafy things about) and to a bathroom.
“I’ll wait here.” And he took up guard right outside the bathroom door.
So, the professor entered and closed the door. It was rather nice, the bathroom was.
Now here’s the thing: There was another door in the bathroom.
I opened it.
I was in another bathroom, and…
…there was King Arthur!
“You creep!” he yelled.
I fear I should tell you a bit about Arthur:
He’s very small, around 4 foot, I should think. He’s got a gold beard and wears a wig. And…he has a squeaky voice. But he’s strong and very cantankerous. In fact, they invented the word just for him.
“Hold now,” this professor said. “The door into your bathroom from my bathroom was quite unlocked. It was like you invited me, don’t you know.”
Now, Art wasn’t using the bathroom, so to speak. He was seated in the corner, reading a book. (The book was called Sweet Home Alabama. It was definitely abridged and pirated.)
“Why didn’t you want to be interviewed?” I asked.
“Why do you think, idiot?” Arthur yelled. “My kingdom is rising up against me, and…and…I hate PT News!”
They say the truth hurts, but it doesn’t really. Doesn’t sting either.
And that’s when it happened.
The other bathroom door–the one Salami was waiting outside of–crashed open.
“Ya cur!” Salami screamed. “Ya betrayed me…now I’ll kill ya both!”
“Run!” Arthur screamed.
We threw open Arthur’s bathroom door and did just that.