Heartless (Off the Grid)

OfftheGridPic

So, there has been some talk.

Rumors, you know.

Some say the professor is in love.

But this post–I hope–shall prove that’s impossible.

Unknown

Hector was always posing and using silly spears.

See, the professor is a warrior. I have a history of fighting.

Long ago, when I was young, I fought on shores of Troy with Hector against the Greeks.

Let me tell you now, history has it a bit wrong with regards to the Trojan War.

Anyways, something rather interesting happened on that Trojan beech–for this professor, that is.

See, I was fighting about with my katana (this took place on the fourth day, mind you) when a greek chap came up and made me heartless.

He was using this:

Steel_short_sword

Somehow, he got past my defenses.

I was using this:

sh2294

So, it’s not that this professor has a broken heart…

2000px-Broken_heart.svg

Or one struck by lightning.

It’s that I don’t have a heart anymore.

Heartless.

heartless

That is all, gentlemen.

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123 Responses to “Heartless (Off the Grid)”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 13:53

    A shocking tale!

  2. 2 Simply Skeptical August 8, 2015 at 23:53

    The Professor with no heart! I don’t believe it! Not for one sec. Everybody knows the Professor has a heart 10X too large. :-)

    • 3 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:23

      Not true!

  3. 4 Angeline M July 31, 2015 at 00:10

    Balderdash! Now book a ticket to see the wizard of Ox so he may give you a heart.

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:30

      But, Angeline, I don’t want a heart!

      • 6 Angeline M July 31, 2015 at 19:13

        You can be so difficult sometimes!

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2015 at 21:58

        *laughs* I win!

  4. 8 walt walker July 30, 2015 at 22:31

    Did this Greek fellow eat the (your) heart? If so, it might be to late. If not, you could see about trying to find it. It’s a pity to go without.

    • 9 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:30

      Nah, I’ve been without for about 500 years. Do you suppose that bugger ate it?!

      • 10 walt walker July 31, 2015 at 12:43

        He either ate it or fed it to someone, I’m quite sure.

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2015 at 21:49

        The beast! You must help me track him down.

      • 12 walt walker August 1, 2015 at 22:36

        Easy. He’ll be the one burping heart.

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke August 4, 2015 at 12:05

        When we fine him, I do hope you will grind your heel into his heart, please.

  5. 14 The Lite Rider July 30, 2015 at 19:43

    Oh. I see. Being a warrior and in love are not mutually exclusive though.

    • 15 Symphonist Sepperl July 30, 2015 at 20:46

      No, but in order to be in love, one must have a heart. Therefore, if one loses their heart (metaphorical for the capacity of love, of course) it follows that one cannot be in love. This is because having a heart necessary to being in love. By the same token, if someone is in love, it is sufficient to know that they must have (the necessary condition) a heart. The contrapositive of this, of course is: If you have no heart, then you cannot be in love. Which is the very point of this post. :-)

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:30

        SS! What a great…comment. I love how it works itself out towards the end.

      • 17 The Lite Rider July 31, 2015 at 21:26

        Yes, I get it. I was just trying to tweak VJ a bit.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2015 at 21:59

        SS is just being wicked.

      • 19 The Lite Rider August 2, 2015 at 14:04

        I love wicked.

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke August 4, 2015 at 12:08

        *laughing* That’s why you like DS!

      • 21 The Lite Rider August 6, 2015 at 13:13

        It is. And he is VERY wicked!

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:57

        Tops wicked.

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:28

      Well…maybe for the professor it is!

      • 24 The Lite Rider August 1, 2015 at 21:20

        Of course. SS told me off anyway, and rightly so! :)

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2015 at 22:01

        *laughing* Maybe I shall find my heart some day.

      • 26 The Lite Rider August 2, 2015 at 14:05

        You will, Professor!

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke August 4, 2015 at 12:08

        In the oven or under a rock, I bet.

  6. 28 Jackie July 30, 2015 at 18:54

    Such a sad story.

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:28

      It is not, dadblameit! Why?

  7. 30 fauquetmichel July 30, 2015 at 16:35

    Professor ? In what matter ? Martial arts of course, or the vhectorial calculus ! You look reallly glorious and hectorious .:)
    In friendship
    Michel

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:27

      Well, thank you bunches, Michel. I do appreciate it, don’t you know.

  8. 32 John W. Howell July 30, 2015 at 16:09

    Who would believe the professor has changed in any way? You and Hector look like twins except he has not tall hat or walking stick.

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:27

      Yes, we dress a bit differently. But…I wonder if he’s got a heart?

      • 34 John W. Howell July 31, 2015 at 19:43

        Only one wat to tell

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2015 at 21:59

        Cut it open and see!

      • 36 John W. Howell August 2, 2015 at 12:27

        Yup

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke August 4, 2015 at 12:08

        You do it.

      • 38 John W. Howell August 4, 2015 at 12:17

        I don’t want to get my white shirt dirty. You do it.

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:51

        But what about my white pants?

      • 40 John W. Howell August 5, 2015 at 21:32

        We need to find somebody dressed in red.

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:55

        Yes. And in a hurry, I say.

      • 42 John W. Howell August 6, 2015 at 21:37

        Look here comes Little Miss Riding Hood. Want to press her into service.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2015 at 20:28

        Yes, I do. But…she might whine.

      • 44 John W. Howell August 7, 2015 at 22:03

        Good point. See a Santa anywhere?

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:12

        Santas, I’ve decided, are wicked things.

      • 46 John W. Howell August 9, 2015 at 19:05

        All the better to take out the heart.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2015 at 20:31

        Yes, I agree. But still, I’m scared. Who knows what might happen when he comes down my chimney.

      • 48 John W. Howell August 10, 2015 at 20:41

        Dragging a bleeding heart behind him. I see your point. Forget Santa. Find someone with either red clothes or really good gloves and apron.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2015 at 20:41

        But that’d be so hard! We could always make Mrs. Santa give Santa a green suit?

      • 50 John W. Howell August 10, 2015 at 21:47

        It won’t cover the blood from the heart.

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:12

        Oh rats. I’m out of options the sudden.

      • 52 John W. Howell August 11, 2015 at 19:29

        Maybe you should forget taking the heart.

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:14

        Rats. There’s goes my revenge, dadblameit.

      • 54 John W. Howell August 12, 2015 at 21:26

        Not so fast. How about a vacuum cleaner (shop vac type). No muss no fuss

  9. 55 desertdweller29 July 30, 2015 at 15:57

    It’s true what Debbie said. ALL WOMEN posting comments. Face it, the Professor is a ladies man. And my oh my, Hector is quite a show.

    • 56 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:26

      Oh, no I’m not! *holds ears* He is great, isn’t he? Wouldn’t you want to fight alongside of him?

  10. 57 L. Marie July 30, 2015 at 15:20

    First of all, Hector is Swoon City as far as I’m concerned. Hubba hubba. Second, I agree with the other comments. The fact that you vehemently defend your heartlessness makes me think you have one. A truly heartless person would probably murder more and talk less.

    And to answer PorterGirl’s question, I was the fool who suggested that I had surmised a love story was about to take place due to the title of a post. But I had guessed wrong.

    • 58 PorterGirl July 31, 2015 at 12:14

      Oh, thanks for clearing that up – I was puzzling over it. Many apologies for suggesting you might be a fool, I take that back at once.

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:32

        The only fool here is the professor, ’cause I don’t have a heart, see.

      • 60 PorterGirl July 31, 2015 at 12:39

        No no – that would be if you didn’t have a brain, I think.

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2015 at 21:49

        Which we might argue, you know.

      • 62 PorterGirl August 2, 2015 at 07:27

        There is one in there somewhere, I know it! *laughs*

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke August 4, 2015 at 12:07

        Was probably plucked out!

      • 64 PorterGirl August 4, 2015 at 12:13

        And made into soup!

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke August 4, 2015 at 12:15

        Brain soup has weirded me out, I must admit. I wouldn’t try it.

      • 66 PorterGirl August 4, 2015 at 12:19

        It sounds horrific, in fact.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:52

        It does. Something the Nandi bear might like, I’m thinking.

      • 68 PorterGirl August 5, 2015 at 13:15

        Eeek! That thing scares me. It does like eating brains. I don’t think it even waits to turn them into soup. Maybe a chef Nandi bear would make it.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:42

        You know, I’m of the opinion, the sudden, that we should hunt them!

      • 70 PorterGirl August 7, 2015 at 04:11

        Yes! But not in the dark… it might be too scary…

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2015 at 20:36

        *shudders* Right.

      • 72 L. Marie July 31, 2015 at 13:08

        No worries. I’m often foolish. :-D

      • 73 PorterGirl July 31, 2015 at 13:42

        Ah, me too. It is quite the most honest way to be :)

    • 74 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:21

      Hector is awesome. His disposition, that is. I’ll have to write the TPL version of the Trojan War. *mouth drops* You do have a great point there, I must admit. But…but..I’m just…well…but I am heartless!

      You’re not a fool! Don’t worry about it. You could’ve been close, though.

      • 75 L. Marie July 31, 2015 at 13:09

        Looking forward to anything about Hector. :-)

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2015 at 21:49

        He actually survived, but most don’t know this.

  11. 77 Debbie July 30, 2015 at 14:39

    Okay, Professor, I can see the resemblance between you and the mighty Hector — something determined in the jaw and brave in the intense gaze!

    That said, doesn’t it surprise you a bit that your first three (four?) comments are from WOMEN, when you’ve ended your post to “gentlemen”?!?

    Of course, that won’t matter to you if you’re really heartless, but you know, nobody can play music the way you do without having a heart!! So there *flounces off with nose in the air*

    • 78 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:19

      But the hair is all wrong, wouldn’t say? And he looks too sweet. Don’t I look more like an orc?

      Did I do that again? *laughs* I’m so sorry. When you get my age you’ll forget things too, don’t you know!

      *laughing* Flouncing! Oh no. Well, I’m sure a heartless person can play music!!

      • 79 Debbie July 31, 2015 at 14:32

        No they can’t. They’d sound like a robot. Or a computer. No FEELING there at all!!

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2015 at 21:56

        Oh…well…you might have a point!

      • 81 Debbie August 2, 2015 at 18:20

        Of course I do! Isn’t it true that almost anybody can be *taught* to play music, but only those with the most heart and passion can really rise to the top??

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke August 4, 2015 at 12:13

        Well, gee, I don’t know. But I have to say you’re making a lot of sense, the sudden.

  12. 83 Susan P July 30, 2015 at 13:52

    “The Professor doth protest too much, methinks” (with apologies to the Bard.)

    • 84 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:16

      The professor is just being wicked!

      • 85 Susan P August 1, 2015 at 02:01

        Well, yeah. But why?

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2015 at 21:59

        Cause that’s my game!

      • 87 Susan P August 2, 2015 at 00:53

        Flirt!

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke August 4, 2015 at 12:06

        The purpose of this post is to prove the other way, see.

      • 89 Susan P August 4, 2015 at 13:40

        Oh, that makes sense. Sort of.

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:55

        Only sort of?

      • 91 Susan P August 5, 2015 at 14:56

        Kind of.

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:44

        I was never a flirt, see.

      • 93 Susan P August 7, 2015 at 01:06

        So, you are saying that you have always been a flirt?

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2015 at 20:34

        I was when I was one–then I grew up.

      • 95 Susan P August 7, 2015 at 21:19

        Can you prove that?

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:10

        Yes. Okay, I did it.

      • 97 Susan P August 13, 2015 at 20:03

        Now it is time for retribution.

  13. 98 FictionFan July 30, 2015 at 13:26

    (Goodness gracious me! I hadn’t realised how stonkingly gorgeous Hector is! What a pity your picture doesn’t let us see his skirt in all its full glory though… *swoons dramatically*)

    Anyway… Nonsense, sir!! Need I remind you of all – ALL – the women you have developed a passion for? Amelia of the fluttering eyelashes – Chani the Worm Rider – Dejah the battle-song singer (we won’t mention her dress sense) – Phaidor, she who eats Martians – Cassie, the lover of round bahookeys – Ringer the psychotic killer – and last, but by no means least, Julia the ponytail-bobber!!! Heartless?!? Tchah! I think it’s just that your heart’s worn out!!

    • 99 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:15

      Oh, Hector is rather spicy, I must admit. What make you of his spear? It’s rather cool. Now, I bet he wasn’t even wearing a skirt.

      I don’t like Cassie at all! You liked her! Now Ringer was cool. But…but…I didn’t like like her! And Julia works for me, so that can’t count. And you liked Chani, too! Dejah isn’t that great. And I thought she wore furs or something? Now…as far as that other one is concerned…I forget her name.

      • 100 FictionFan July 31, 2015 at 14:20

        No skirt?!? *collapses in a shocked heap* Really, sir! You musn’t put such ideas in FF’s head, you know, you know! Yes, I like spears – bet they’re fun to throw! Lances are good too.

        Oh, too much protesting, Mr Fickle! I notice however that you didn’t deny your feelings for Amelia… *spits, growls, stamps foot and flounces off*

        (It’s so sweet that you imagine Dejah with clothes on – adorable, in fact! *chuckles wickedly*)

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2015 at 21:54

        *laughs* It gets hot on the beach! A chap has to keep cool, and he didn’t have cargo pants. Oh well.

        That’s because you’ll never believe me on the front, so I gave up. I actually sent her to your house. You two should play cards.

        (Yes, I must admit I do…but it’s not sweet or adorable!!)

      • 102 FictionFan August 2, 2015 at 16:53

        Tut-tut! A warrior should never leave home without his cargo pants, I feel! Those pockets would be so useful for storing battle trophies.

        Noooooooo!!!! It’s just as well I’ve had the dungeon recently upgraded then – she should be nice and comfortable. So long as she doesn’t mind beetles.

        (Oh……it soooo is!!! Don’t ever change!)

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke August 4, 2015 at 12:10

        Those pockets are amazing. Sometimes, though, one has to wear dress pants, I fear. Do you have cargo pants?

        What sort of beetles? You’ve got a dungeon? I’m doubly impressed.

        (Humph noodles. I suppose you picture John naked!)

      • 104 FictionFan August 4, 2015 at 16:37

        No. I carry a handbag so I don’t need pockets…

        Scary ones! *nods* And a torture chamber…

        (*laughs* Fortunately, since watching the movie I imagine him dressed like that…)

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:58

        Very good point. Pockets come in handy if you don’t have a handbag, I find.

        A torture chamber? I want to see it!

        (Ah, Taylor did an awesome job. I love that movie.)

  14. 106 net July 30, 2015 at 13:25

    Well Prof, being in love is not a bad thing at all though. Wished it was true! So I could hear more about it. Heartless sounds equally right, just that when the time’s right, hmm Prof, in love you shall be!

    • 107 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:11

      *laughs* But…but…don’t you suppose the professor is like an orc, overall?

  15. 108 PorterGirl July 30, 2015 at 13:14

    Now… who would be enough of a fool to suggest that the Professor might be in love? A curious thing, certainly. This does explain your heartlessness quite well. Those Greek chaps have a lot to answer for.

    • 109 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:11

      Oh, I kinda dropped hints, don’t you know. Tis my fault, really! They do! They took my heart…but it might’ve been a favor, you know.

      • 110 PorterGirl July 31, 2015 at 12:12

        Hints? Pah! Your hints are practically invisible, I should say. Just like… your heart! *laughing lots*

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke July 31, 2015 at 12:31

        *laughing* Yes, my hints are wicked bad, I agree. But…they’re fun to give out still!

      • 112 PorterGirl July 31, 2015 at 12:38

        There wasn’t even a hint. I had to real all the comments to find out. *vicious swish swish*

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke August 1, 2015 at 21:49

        *laughing* Now, now! No vicious swishing!

      • 114 PorterGirl August 2, 2015 at 07:26

        Pah! Very well, friendly swishing only, then.

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke August 4, 2015 at 12:06

        *laughs* Only I can do a vicious swish. *does it*

      • 116 PorterGirl August 4, 2015 at 12:13

        Wow – impressive. I don’t think it is fair that I am not allowed to do one *sulks a bit. Eats a cake.*

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke August 4, 2015 at 12:14

        *laughing* I was wondering if you were going to rebel. A whole cake? *jealous*

      • 118 PorterGirl August 4, 2015 at 12:17

        Of course I shall rebel! But… I will share the cake with you.

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:52

        Aw! In that case, you can do the vicious one.

      • 120 PorterGirl August 5, 2015 at 13:15

        *vicious swish swish* See, it rather suits me!

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:42

        Yes, it does… *vicious ruffling*

      • 122 PorterGirl August 7, 2015 at 04:10

        Oooh! I like it.


  1. 1 A Hair’s Breadth From The Holy Grail | Secret Diary Of PorterGirl Trackback on August 4, 2015 at 07:10

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