Captured & Stolen (TPL Story)

TPLStoryPicThe professor was stolen.

I hate to admit, but it’s true.

Stolen. Or captured.

Whichever you prefer. It’s a humdinger either way.

Now that I think on it, though, stolen might be worse. Since it sorta makes the professor more like an object than a human.

Oh huff-hum.

Anyway, the rebellion had caught me. I fought bravely with this:

sh2294

But then, I was stolen.

So, this professor woke up tied up but not sitting up–as it were.

I was flat on my back. But that’s a lie, since my hands were behind my back.

The professor was actually flat on his hands.

bonfireI was outside on the grass, too. It was night, and there was a big bonfire.

The rebellion was having a party.

Now, one would think this professor’s head should be hurting after the knocking I had received–but it wasn’t that bad.

After all, I’m assuming doors don’t hurt after the fact either. I could be wrong.

“Chub’s awake,” one fellow said. And he kicked me to make sure it was true.

The kick elicited a “dadblameit.”

This professor was pulled to his feet by a few of the fellows and dragged to the other side of the campfire.

Daddy Salami was sitting in the only chair, and Ruber Salami was lying on some sort of cot next to him, moaning in pain as he was cared for and pampered.

Traitor.

Now, this is what got the professor: My katana was at Salami’s side!

I nearly choked on nothing!

“So,” Salami began, looking at me,”ya helped Arthur escape me rebellion. That’s treason. I should have yer blood, cur!”

I decided I should attack his premise.

“But here’s the thing,” I began, “I didn’t know it was your rebellion, see.”13

“What?!”

“Well, I didn’t. If I’d have known, I might have done the same thing.” That last part was a mistake, and I knew it as soon as I uttered it. Must have been the knocks to the head that did it. I wasn’t at full professorish.

Salami jumped to his feet. “I’ll have yer blood, cur-sauce!”

I looked at Ruber. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Oh no,” Ruber said. “No, no. You betrayed me, eh? Left me to die.”

“I defended you!”

“I don’t remember.”

And he turned away. What a zinger.

Salami laughed. “You also hurt me son. For that, I need all yer blood!”

And at that moment, Mr. Magi marched into the camp.

“That will be enough of this!” he ordered.

Salami’s mouth dropped. “No!” he shouted. “Get ‘im!”

And the two chaps at my side, jumped forward.

Now, this professor had been working on his bonds, and I was quite free of them.

Mr. Magi saw it, too. “Run PVJ!” he shouted, for he was already running himself.

And I did. I rushed forward, jumped over Salami (grabbing my katana in the process) and disappeared into the woods.

I was running like a hare, I think. A fast one. The pursuit was hot on my heels–at least I imagined it to be.

The professor ran for a bit, bits, and little bits…and then…! I was at a castle.

And from the sounds of things, there was a party inside.

23349_1147071624_large

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150 Responses to “Captured & Stolen (TPL Story)”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 12:59

    Oh dear… I missed out on a rebellion?! I should have infiltrated it!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2015 at 13:39

      You would’ve fetched it out!

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 13:41

        I wish I hadn’t vanished like I did. I’ve missed lots.

  2. 4 Heartafire August 6, 2015 at 18:33

    It’s getting wild! ” cur-sauce”, I think I once had that on some goat in Haiti. You might want to list that in Punchy Argot for the less than British. Good luck out there professor, I wait with some kind of breath for the outcome.

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:58

      *laughing lots* You’re funny, Hollie. Cur-sauce…did it taste good?

      • 6 Heartafire August 7, 2015 at 14:06

        I was in Haiti…need I say more?

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2015 at 20:40

        Yes, please.

      • 8 Heartafire August 7, 2015 at 20:50

        I wasn’t in Haiti , I was in Jamaica, or was it Philadelphia, I like to travel. You can find cur-sauce in all the finest restaurants. :-)

      • 9 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:07

        Have you ever been to Mexico?

      • 10 Heartafire August 9, 2015 at 18:30

        I have a winter home in Tijuana, lets not get off topic professor.

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2015 at 20:28

        Now, where’s is Tijuana?

      • 12 Heartafire August 10, 2015 at 20:30

        It’s just across the border. I don’t recommend it. Smiles!

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2015 at 20:40

        Why not! I’m curious to see it now.

      • 14 Heartafire August 10, 2015 at 20:44

        you’re a wild one!

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:12

        So wild it’s unbelievable!

      • 16 Heartafire August 11, 2015 at 19:18

        tell us more!

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:28

        What should I tell?

      • 18 Heartafire August 11, 2015 at 19:34

        You could start explaining how you became fixated on your katana.

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:15

        But do I even know the reason?

      • 20 Heartafire August 12, 2015 at 22:10

        I think it’s very becoming and source of pride.

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:18

        Yes, something like that. I wear it on my back, you know.

      • 22 Heartafire August 14, 2015 at 13:24

        sort of like a quiver?

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:43

        Yes, that’s the picture!

  3. 24 Lady Dunamis August 6, 2015 at 03:21

    Well…shiver me timbers! How could Ruber be so fickle. I used to stick up for him because of his abusive father but now I see the relationship as it is. Such a disappointment. Good thing you never left home without your katana. There’s no way of telling who can you trust.

    • 25 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:56

      I know! Even you were duped, Lady. But maybe he’s just shamming. It is a possibility?

      • 26 Lady Dunamis August 6, 2015 at 22:48

        Dunno. Will have to see in the next installment.

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2015 at 20:30

        I’m not sure myself either. Rats and a Heifer. I need a halo.

      • 28 Lady Dunamis August 7, 2015 at 21:06

        🍔 try a burger

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:08

        *mouth drops* Your little picture things are amazing!

      • 30 Lady Dunamis August 9, 2015 at 18:18

        The power of an iPhone my friend

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:25

        *very jealous* What color is it?

      • 32 Lady Dunamis August 9, 2015 at 18:30

        Don’t be. It too me years to leave the android world and it is an older version but now that I have one I will not go back to android. The color is white.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2015 at 20:29

        White! Sweet. Better than android by lots then?

      • 34 Lady Dunamis August 10, 2015 at 21:53

        Let’s just say to android I shall’nt return

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:13

        Poor android.

  4. 36 Louis from VA August 5, 2015 at 20:14

    Does this happen often?

    • 37 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:54

      Not too often…but at times. Dreadful, isn’t it?

      • 38 Louis from VA August 8, 2015 at 15:12

        Haha! Quite.

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:23

        *growls about it*

  5. 40 Simply Skeptical August 5, 2015 at 10:47

    LOve those photos! You’re are hilarious. Is it a costume party do you think? From the look of the castle I’d say a spooky one… :-)

    • 41 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 13:01

      Nah, probably just a normal one. If you can call any party normal.

  6. 42 InfiniteZip August 5, 2015 at 09:20

    Running like a hare? I thought they hopped…maybe more like a silky leopard perhaps? They are most fast….

    • 43 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 13:01

      *laughing* You have a great point, Zippy. How about a unicorn?

      • 44 InfiniteZip August 5, 2015 at 13:02

        Not the drunken ones….they kind of wobble….just look at Rosie…or has she run off already?

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:41

        You know, I had a long talk with Rosie when she came over. I even had to give her a spanking. She shouldn’t drink again, I’m thinking. AT least, she said she wouldn’t.

      • 46 InfiniteZip August 7, 2015 at 08:30

        Well that would be a good thing. Just green goddess juice. She will be young and vibrant again. I like your katana by the way, where did you get it again? If you had to choose, katana or guitar which would you pick? Hmmmm.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2015 at 20:37

        Guitar! I ordered the katana from somewhere. Now what do you think of that?

      • 48 InfiniteZip August 8, 2015 at 11:35

        I think it is a most excellent choice. I have a knife but it isn’t as large and grand as yours. I have a guitar too. It is forest green. Perhaps we are much alike….although I don’t run fast….I lope along like a tired giraffe.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:18

        *laughs* Do you practice often?

      • 50 InfiniteZip August 10, 2015 at 08:32

        No, too busy chasing rainbows and such…I practice at night against the shadows and often win too😊

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2015 at 20:36

        *fist thingy* Zippy, you should be proud!

      • 52 InfiniteZip August 11, 2015 at 13:01

        I shall take my guitar to the beach when I move though…and the knife for snakes and such…..or sharks….scary creatures💦😎🌊🐬

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:22

        Wow! I love that you play guitar. Do you like it?

      • 54 InfiniteZip August 11, 2015 at 19:34

        I played piano growing up,tried guitar….and failed miserably…still have one though😊

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:16

        But…all you must do is practice a bit!

      • 56 InfiniteZip August 13, 2015 at 08:36

        but….it hurt my fingers and how can I write with hurt digits?

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:32

        Well, Zippy, after a while, it won’t hurt anymore!

      • 58 InfiniteZip August 14, 2015 at 15:46

        But how can I type with achy digits?

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 00:10

        That’s a good point. Maybe boil and freeze them first?

      • 60 InfiniteZip August 18, 2015 at 08:55

        Ouchie…no no no that sounds like torture, surely honey or something sweet may help?

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 17:17

        Maybe a cherry candy?

      • 62 InfiniteZip August 19, 2015 at 08:55

        Ooh, now you’re talking….or grape?

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:35

        Oh no. Cherry!

      • 64 InfiniteZip August 20, 2015 at 08:41

        Hmmmm….could it be because it’s red? I get it now…..but I do so like grape too.

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:25

        I think that’s the reason. I bet you do. Grape seems like something you might like.

      • 66 InfiniteZip August 21, 2015 at 08:48

        Maybe ’cause it’s purple. A king wears purple and maybe a queen to, therefor I shall eat grape. I like grapes on pizza too😊

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 16:59

        On Pizza? Now what an interest. Really?

      • 68 InfiniteZip August 21, 2015 at 17:33

        Yes, with Rosemary, olive oil, Gorgonzola cheese and baked on the wood grill….num num…..

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2015 at 17:16

        Oh wow. You’ve suddenly made me hungry, you know!

      • 70 InfiniteZip August 23, 2015 at 09:50

        It is quite yummy…I like them frozen in wine too, edible ice cubes😊

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2015 at 19:48

        Now, Zippy, that does sound tasty.

      • 72 InfiniteZip August 10, 2015 at 08:33

        Guitar practice? Nope…I suck at it…very much….

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2015 at 20:36

        Oh come on now! I’m sure you’re not that bad!!

      • 74 InfiniteZip August 11, 2015 at 13:02

        I need to practice…just can never seem to find the time…I think someone keeps stealing the time from me….when I catch the culprit…off with the head😊

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:22

        *laughs* Yes…you have to practice! You must. Should I keep you accountable?

      • 76 InfiniteZip August 11, 2015 at 19:35

        Oh my no, I need to,grow old and professorly and live a life of adventure before I could find the time…..

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:16

        Yes, you know, I’m quite old.

      • 78 InfiniteZip August 13, 2015 at 08:37

        As ancient as Arthur’s underwear?

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:32

        *laughs* Does he wear underwear?

      • 80 InfiniteZip August 14, 2015 at 15:47

        U tell me..u were in the bathroom with him after all😃

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 00:10

        I can’t!

  7. 82 Susan P August 4, 2015 at 20:29

    I think you might be safer in the freezer. Gracious me. I don’t know how a man of your stature can get into so many pickles. Where will it ever end?

    • 83 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 13:00

      I fear not. I’m a trouble beast, aren’t I? I might meet Mr. R at the party!

      • 84 Susan P August 5, 2015 at 14:58

        I would say a mixer of the pot.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:45

        Yes! Plus, I add things. Like beets.

      • 86 Susan P August 7, 2015 at 01:08

        And weasles,

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2015 at 20:34

        My cousin is a weasel, don’t you know.

      • 88 Susan P August 7, 2015 at 21:19

        You have to watch out for them.

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:11

        They have sharp teeth.

      • 90 Susan P August 13, 2015 at 20:03

        Have you met up with one?

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:40

        Sadly, not.

      • 92 Susan P August 14, 2015 at 22:14

        Alas! This must be the toothbrush in your ear.

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 00:18

        Get it out–quick!

      • 94 Susan P August 18, 2015 at 13:33

        What about the tooth paste?

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 17:19

        I swallowed that, I fear.

      • 96 Susan P August 18, 2015 at 18:18

        You didn’t swallow a watermelon?

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:31

        I might die if I did that!

  8. 98 Nancy Loderick August 4, 2015 at 20:02

    Oh my goodness Professor,

    You had quite the adventure! You need to rest now to recover. ;)

    Nancy

    • 99 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 13:00

      Never a rest! I keep going until my liver falls out, don’t you know.

      • 100 Nancy Loderick August 12, 2015 at 19:09

        Oh dear Professor,

        That will just not do! I think you can live without your spleen, but you definitely need your liver!

        Nancy

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:30

        *laughing* What for? He never did anything for me!

  9. 102 FictionFan August 4, 2015 at 15:58

    Huh! And you were criticising me for not being more sympathetic to Ruber? Told you you should have thrown his foot away! The man is nothing but trouble! Have a great party – don’t flirt too much… *glowers anticipatorily*

    • 103 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:57

      Well, doesn’t a bit of you think I’ll be followed? What if the battle continues inside? I bet Mr. R will be there.

      • 104 FictionFan August 5, 2015 at 15:23

        Well, that’ll be useful. Mr R is such a great warrior! And I bet his ladies are martial arts experts. I hope there is a battle – keep you away from the dancefloor, Mr Flirt!

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:47

        Look here, Aravis, I don’t flirt. It’s a physical impossibility. It’s just everyone tries to flirt with me. I wonder if Eleanor is an expert. It’s an interest.

      • 106 FictionFan August 6, 2015 at 23:03

        Eleanor? Eleanor?!? Not another one! Is there no end? Is no woman safe? I shall have to start up anti-Professorial-flirting defence classes at this rate! *glares balefully*

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2015 at 20:31

        No, isn’t that the name of one of Mr. R’s ladies? Eleanor and someone else. I do forget, the sudden.

      • 108 FictionFan August 8, 2015 at 14:49

        Oh… maybe! I’d forgotten that they had names. But you should really remember!

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:20

        See? Not that big of deal at all. I’ll have to look in TPL book.

  10. 110 Debbie August 4, 2015 at 15:04

    Professor, I’d say you’ve earned yourself a party at that lovely castle! With plenty of eats and drinks, too! I’m glad you managed to make a hasty getaway, thanks to Mr. Magi. And woo-hoo, you re-captured the stolen katana — all in all, a fascinating glimpse into the life of a brave warrior!

    • 111 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:57

      Thank you, Debbie! But I should’ve stayed and fought a bit. Oh well. Do you suppose I’ll get followed to the castle?

  11. 112 masgautsen August 4, 2015 at 14:26

    Good thing you got away!

    • 113 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:56

      I know! I ran like a gazelle, don’t you see.

  12. 114 L. Marie August 4, 2015 at 14:19

    Rats and a heifer, I’m so glad you escaped, thanks to Mr. Magi. Hope you grabbed your katana.
    What an awful friend Ruber turned out to be. I hope Manly-Man shows up to knock some sense into Ruber.
    I wonder who is throwing the party.

    • 115 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:56

      I know, right? I bet MM would knock some sense into Ruber. What is wrong with Ruber? Maybe he’s been threatened with his life if he doesn’t comply!

  13. 116 walt walker August 4, 2015 at 14:17

    I like the looks of that castle. I think you should capture it.

    • 117 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:55

      *laughs* I would like to, definitely. And become king?

      • 118 walt walker August 5, 2015 at 18:55

        Of course. Don’t you think you’ve earned it by now?

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:54

        I think so. I’ll make you prince or something. And DH can be your guard.

      • 120 walt walker August 6, 2015 at 22:48

        Thanks for including me in your power structure. But I’ve always felt the title of “prince” was a rather, well…a rather prissy one, if you don’t mind my saying. Can I be something better? Like Viceroy maybe? I promise I will do my best.

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2015 at 20:30

        *laughing* You’re so right. Viceroy sounds much more vicious and intimidating. In fact, I want to be Viceroy the sudden.

      • 122 walt walker August 7, 2015 at 21:13

        Perhaps we should battle for the position.

        I wouldn’t want you to hurt me though.

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:09

        And likewise, since you have the boomerang! Maybe you can be Junior Vice.

  14. 124 PorterGirl August 4, 2015 at 13:07

    Gadzooks! High drama and violence today, my dear Professor. I am disappointed in the Salami family, I must say. Where is the sensible Sandra when you need her? She would put a stop to this jiggery pokery. And I definitely do not want to be adopted by DS, now. The rebellion was a cool idea, but his treatment of the Professor is dadblamery.

    • 125 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:54

      *laughing* That’s DS for you. He’s just a violent one, overall. Sorta like a wasp that way. Only he doesn’t have wings, just the stinger. You should’ve been there to slap him. That might have fetched him.

      • 126 PorterGirl August 5, 2015 at 13:16

        A wasp! Yes, I think that is very apt. I would certainly have slapped him good and proper. When I slap someone, they stay slapped.

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:43

        *laughing* You must teach me how to slap. My slaps always seem to bounce off.

      • 128 PorterGirl August 7, 2015 at 04:12

        Picture yourself slapping the object six inches beyond the actual surface – that way the slap goes right through!

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2015 at 20:36

        Wow! That is some really good advice right there. *starts practicing*

      • 130 PorterGirl August 8, 2015 at 06:26

        Glad I could be of help!

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:17

        You always are!

      • 132 PorterGirl August 9, 2015 at 20:09

        Well thank you! Delighted, I’m sure.

      • 133 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2015 at 20:33

        *bows, just because*

  15. 134 John W. Howell August 4, 2015 at 12:42

    Thank heavens. Hope the party is a good one.

    • 135 Professor VJ Duke August 5, 2015 at 12:53

      Well, what if I find Arthur in there?

      • 136 John W. Howell August 5, 2015 at 21:32

        I would ask him to kindly stop running away

      • 137 Professor VJ Duke August 6, 2015 at 20:55

        And maybe run him through?

      • 138 John W. Howell August 6, 2015 at 21:38

        Or worse.

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke August 7, 2015 at 20:29

        Run him threw twice!

      • 140 John W. Howell August 7, 2015 at 22:00

        That’ll do it.

      • 141 Professor VJ Duke August 9, 2015 at 18:12

        I wonder what he tastes like, the sudden.

      • 142 John W. Howell August 9, 2015 at 19:04

        Ew. Like warm uncooked pork.

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2015 at 20:31

        *gags* How awful. But I did ask.

      • 144 John W. Howell August 10, 2015 at 20:41

        Yes and I’m the one who could describe it. *spit*

      • 145 Professor VJ Duke August 10, 2015 at 20:42

        *laughs* Have you had it before?

      • 146 John W. Howell August 10, 2015 at 21:47

        You asked what it tasted like so I tasted him. *erp*

      • 147 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:12

        *laughing lots* Well, twas kind of you.

      • 148 John W. Howell August 11, 2015 at 19:29

        *erp*

      • 149 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:14

        That’s a great word, btw.

      • 150 John W. Howell August 12, 2015 at 21:24

        Onamonopia type.


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Professorish Smiley:

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or

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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