Charging with a Katana (TPL Story)

TPLStoryPicSo, when you charge a chap with a katana, you must keep in mind there might be blood–if you’re a good aim.

Charging is an art, I think. If you’re to the left, you’ll miss; if you’re to the right, you’ll miss; and if you’re to the middle, you’ll hit.

662/3%. That’s the chance you’ll miss.

Anyways and a few, that’s the math lesson for today.

Now, this professor was charging King Arthur, because Arthur ran when I needed him.

It turned out, though, that Arthur had a broadsword. He drew it. And we fought brutally.

The professor, see, didn’t have to worry about aiming, or any such things, after all.

We traded blows back and forth; sometimes rejecting the blows; sometimes accepting them.

Then, we got fagged out. And we took a breather.

“You fight well,” Arthur remarked.

“So do you,” I answered.

That’s when Mr. Ratherquite approached.

“Now, sirs,” he said, “enough of this. Why can’t there be peace and hugs all around? Why is there always fighting and meanness?”

The whole party of people (we were at a party, mind you) had formed a circle around us.

Mr. Ratherquite’s ladies both sounded their agreement with their leader.

“Yes,” Mr. Ratherquite continued, “if everyone was sweet and peaceful, the world would be a much better place.”

sh2294

Like the professor’s sword.

I was about to say something caustic, when The Veezler entered.

“You’re wrong,” he said, in that tone of voice which is a bit unnerving. “See, there’s always those people who…”

He stopped there and looked at one of Mr. Ratherquite’s ladies–the one with blond curls.

Then he continued: “…those people who want to see the world burn.”

“That’s ridic–”

Mr. Ratherquite was cut off.

“Oh no,” The Veezler continued. “For instance, I like to destroy things, just to destroy things. If I take out a gun and point it at someone…will you stop me, or hug me?”

There were some gasps and sputterings.

“Let’s see, shall we?”

And quick as a wink, The Veezler pulled out a small gun and pointed it at a party guest.

No one moved.

But the door banged open, and Daddy Salami’s rebellion came charging through.

Now, this professor skipped out the back door and ran as quickly as possible back into the woods…

13

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122 Responses to “Charging with a Katana (TPL Story)”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 03:06

    How did the rebellion end and did the Veezler shoot anybody?! Good grief! *takes a jump back in time and steals the Veezler’s gun and makes sure it’s not actually loaded* *jumps forward* There, fixed.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2015 at 13:37

      Now he’ll just look like a dolt. Good job, Erin!

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 13:46

        *bows* Thank you! :-D

  2. 4 Susan P August 13, 2015 at 20:01

    I am sorry I missed all of the excitement. I was in the Himalayas looking at the mountains and making friends of the natives.

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:40

      *laughs* Did you meet the Yeti?

      • 6 Susan P August 14, 2015 at 22:15

        I saw it running away when I showed him my fist.

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 00:18

        Must’ve been very scared.

      • 8 Susan P August 18, 2015 at 13:35

        Maybe. It might have been my bear that was chasing him.

      • 9 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 17:20

        A Nandi bear?

      • 10 Susan P August 18, 2015 at 18:19

        Oh no. My Florida Black Bear.

      • 11 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:31

        Can I have him?

      • 12 Susan P August 20, 2015 at 13:17

        Only if you get a hunting license in bear season.

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:32

        Nah! I’m a cheater like that. I wouldn’t need one.

      • 14 Susan P August 21, 2015 at 11:00

        Unless you hunt up in the mountains where the wild things are.

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 17:02

        The orcs?

      • 16 Susan P August 22, 2015 at 12:06

        Worse.

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2015 at 17:28

        Goodness.

      • 18 Susan P August 22, 2015 at 18:20

        Beware!

  3. 19 Heartafire August 13, 2015 at 00:07

    We don’t use the term “fagged out” here in the states, but I rather like it and plan to use it excessively until I am beaten severely by a biker gang. I am certain you did not pink out (also a new and delightful expression) , a wise professor knows when to take leave and live to fight again. My best, Carry on.

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:21

      *laughs* Hollie! Don’t get beaten up by a biker gang! Use the katana or something and defend yourself. It is a good phrase. And very descriptive. Pink out…I love that lots, too, don’t you know.

      • 21 Heartafire August 14, 2015 at 13:36

        I will ask them to pink out…the bikers.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:43

        Yes, do that. And if they swing, I’ll block, so to speak.

      • 23 Heartafire August 14, 2015 at 14:09

        I am counting you Professor!

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 00:10

        A lot?

      • 25 Heartafire August 18, 2015 at 02:04

        I know you are up to the challenge, besides you have katana.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 17:15

        Isn’t it beautiful?

      • 27 Heartafire August 18, 2015 at 19:35

        to be proud of for sure.

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:34

        It’s very sharp, you know.

      • 29 Heartafire August 19, 2015 at 21:43

        I’m sure you keep it top notch!

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:13

        I slash unsuspecting flowers everyday!

      • 31 Heartafire August 21, 2015 at 00:19

        no garden is safe from the professor!

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:42

        Not even the queen’s!

      • 33 Heartafire August 21, 2015 at 00:44

        I’m sure the professor would not discriminate :-)

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 16:51

        I try not to, you know.

      • 35 Heartafire August 21, 2015 at 16:52

        you’re good professor! We try , we truly do.

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 17:07

        I’m wicked every other hour!

      • 37 Heartafire August 21, 2015 at 17:19

        How boring it would be if we could not on occasion get wicked…raises brow.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2015 at 17:15

        Oh, that’s true. Do you think I’m wicked often, Hollie?

      • 39 Heartafire August 22, 2015 at 20:20

        I think you are somewhat wicked professor, but in the nicest way.

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2015 at 19:45

        Yes! That sounds about right, I say. Wicked and mean!

      • 41 Heartafire August 24, 2015 at 19:49

        truthfully, I don’t think you are wicked at all, a little mischievous maybe!

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2015 at 20:00

        *laughs* Like a Leprechaun!

      • 43 Heartafire August 24, 2015 at 20:01

        exactly…quite a visual! Smiles.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2015 at 13:16

        Well…a vicious one!

  4. 45 Simply Skeptical August 12, 2015 at 00:59

    It could be a gun that pops out a flower. I’d bet Mr. R. owns one of those.
    HEE, Hee….

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:22

      I wonder if that bugger does!

  5. 47 fauquetmichel August 11, 2015 at 20:16

    The professor was widely prudent ( last line) :)

    • 48 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:17

      Thank you! And weren’t you proud of me?

  6. 49 InfiniteZip August 11, 2015 at 15:29

    Hugs are awesome…kill him with kindness I say.

    • 50 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:27

      You mean hug to death?

      • 51 InfiniteZip August 11, 2015 at 19:36

        Errrr, well, no. Hug to,change the attitude to gratitude 😊

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:16

        But what if it doesn’t work?

      • 53 InfiniteZip August 13, 2015 at 08:38

        Ah, but what if it does?

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:33

        Then I won’t have an excuse to fight with the katana, I fear.

  7. 55 FictionFan August 11, 2015 at 15:16

    Mr Ratherquite talks so much sense! *hugs the Professor and King Arthur and, rather daringly, The Veezler* Is the one with blonde curls Eleanor or… the other one? Just remind me – I’m confused – whose side is the Professor on? Or is he secretly hoping the rebels and the King will destroy each other so he can take over the Kingdom for himself? In which case, will you be throwing a Victory Ball??? Assuming you win…

    • 56 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:27

      I get a hug, too? Goodness. *gives FEF a hug* Okay…let me look it up… They’re names are Eleanor and Isabella! Eleanor is the red head. Isabella…the one with blond curls, I think.

      I’m on…my side! See, when you fight for yourself, you’re lucky enough to be on your side.

      Well, can you take care of scheduling the victory ball and all that? I’m horrible at that sort of thing.

      • 57 FictionFan August 11, 2015 at 23:32

        Aww, that was lovely! But next time please put down your katana first… *hobbles off* I shall try to remember – such pretty names for such…creatures!

        Very true! It would be awful if you suddenly discovered you weren’t on your side!

        It will be a pleasure! But first you must clear the place of all these pesky rebels…

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:22

        I wear it on my back! Unless, you hugged my back. How odd. They’re rather awful names!

        It would be awfully awful. I think I’d retire forthwith.

        Okay! Deal.

      • 59 FictionFan August 13, 2015 at 00:23

        Oh thank goodness! That was your back? I thought your beard had spread over your entire face! Nonsense! They’re both names that appear in Ms Austen’s great works, you know, you know… that’s probably where you got them from.

        Wise move! But you might follow yourself…

        Hurry up then!

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:27

        *laughs* I admit, my back looks like the front at times. That’s an orc thing. Originally, their names were Tabitha and Veronica…can you believe. But I thought I needed better names.

        I’m always following myself!

        Kay!

      • 61 FictionFan August 14, 2015 at 19:46

        Tabitha and Veronica suit them better – sorry to be the one who has to tell you that! Maybe they’re just using Eleanor and Isabella as aliases…

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 00:15

        You know, I think you’re right. Do you think them fat?

      • 63 FictionFan August 18, 2015 at 15:55

        I think of them like the Ugly Sisters in Cinderella – only uglier…

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 17:27

        Oh, they’re rather ugly. Why does Mr. R put up with them? Looks aren’t everything, I suppose.

      • 65 FictionFan August 19, 2015 at 16:08

        How true! But then their personalities are a bit… well, you know. And then there’s the synchronised giggling… *shudders*

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:39

        Maybe they’re robots? The poor things. You must instruct them.

  8. 67 Debbie August 11, 2015 at 15:00

    Nice duel to start out a Tuesday! But I can’t help wondering, What’s the point of charging a chap with a katana if you don’t intend to spill blood??

    Ooh, it’s always interesting to see The Veezler! I rather thought he was going to aim his pistol at Mr. R’s blonde-haired lady. He does make a valid argument, though — who’s going to hug someone who’s flailing a weapon about?

    I’m a little surprised you left when DS and his gang showed up, you know. Perhaps you have your own band of warriors secured in the woods?? ‘Tis dadblamery to think you’re being cowardly!!

    • 68 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:25

      Well…that’s true…well…I was going to spill a bit!

      Yes, that’s the scary thing: He makes sense. Now, do you suppose he’s a good fellow?

      I’m just…retreating. No need to defend the fort, see.

  9. 69 Lady Dunamis August 11, 2015 at 14:51

    And you skipped out the back door? Really PVJ? 😏🏃

    • 70 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:24

      Aren’t you proud of me?

      • 71 Lady Dunamis August 11, 2015 at 19:30

        If this was a matter of life or death, then I will say good job. But if you pinked out and hence there is no more to write about, then I am a tad bit disappointed.

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:15

        Oh, it was certainly a matter of life and death, Lady. You don’t think I’d just pink out, do you?!

      • 73 Lady Dunamis August 12, 2015 at 22:31

        Your ways are most unpredictable and makes for good reading as well!

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:19

        Well, thank you, Lady D. I’m so normal, in reality, you know.

  10. 75 John W. Howell August 11, 2015 at 14:47

    I think the professor was wise to run to the woods. Veezler is going to make some noise.

    • 76 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:24

      He is! What do you make of this Veezler chap?

      • 77 John W. Howell August 11, 2015 at 19:28

        Potential to be loud

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:14

        Yes, like blow party thingies loud.

      • 79 John W. Howell August 12, 2015 at 21:26

        Or just the end of a pistol loud.

  11. 80 walt walker August 11, 2015 at 13:22

    Delighted to see The Veezler again. What’s he been up to? His part in this was rather…chilling. Gave me a bit of the fears.

    • 81 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:24

      I thought you’d love to see him. Causing lots of trouble, I fear. You know him. Always evil. Wouldn’t you like a midnight visit from him?

      • 82 walt walker August 12, 2015 at 05:35

        I might like to observe one. I don’t know that I’d want to be on the receiving end of it.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:23

        I’m sure he’d scare you right out of the bed. *nods*

  12. 84 PorterGirl August 11, 2015 at 12:01

    ‘Fagged out’ is a very English expression. I thought ‘fag’ had a very different meaning on that side of the pond… Perhaps I am wrong!
    Now anyway, I see that there has been a happy amount of violence here and the Professor is still up and skipping so that is a good thing. Nice to see Mr R and The Veezler out and about, too!

    • 85 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member August 11, 2015 at 12:52

      ‘Fag’ does have a very nasty connotation over here… But fagged is sort of kind of allowable. One has to be careful…and dear VJ hasn’t ever been one to follow the rules. ;) I think he’s taken a liking to the real meaning of the word….

      • 86 PorterGirl August 11, 2015 at 13:19

        It has several uses over here, I always when to remind myself not to use it when I am Stateside so I don’t cause offence. ‘Fagged out’ just means tired, which I assume is VJ’s suggestion here. Which is what I assume you to mean as the real meaning. Wow, this is complicated. I wish I had never mentioned it now… ;)

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:23

        I’m supre glad you mentioned it!

      • 88 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member August 11, 2015 at 14:08

        It’s just a little complicated. Fag is bad, fagged means tired… Get them confused, and you’ll probably be killed over here. If someone mishears you…you’ll probably be killed too. hehe

    • 89 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:20

      *laughs* I love using that phrase! See? I really am an honorary Fellow. Fag does mean something different. But still, fagged out is a great expression. I love it. Or even fagged.

      Yes! I skipped away like a warrior. It’s okay to retreat at times, you know.

      • 90 PorterGirl August 11, 2015 at 19:46

        A very versatile word, certainly. Absolutely it is – so you can fight another day! Which is much better thsn getting beaten.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:17

        I hate getting beaten. But I can’t remember a time when it happened.

      • 92 PorterGirl August 13, 2015 at 04:15

        It was probably only in a dream.

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:31

        I lose all the time in my dreams.

      • 94 PorterGirl August 14, 2015 at 13:43

        That almost made me cry, you know.

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke August 14, 2015 at 13:44

        It did? But it’s true! When I go to kick someone, they’re always made of steel or something.

      • 96 PorterGirl August 14, 2015 at 13:46

        I had a dream last night that I was a farmer. I have no idea what that means.

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 00:09

        *laughing* Did you grow carrots?

      • 98 PorterGirl August 18, 2015 at 04:17

        I was more of a livestock farmer. I had a lot of hay, for some reason.

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke August 18, 2015 at 17:16

        Did you sleep in it? I’ve always fancied hay would be itchy–like the wig.

      • 100 PorterGirl August 18, 2015 at 17:43

        Much like the wig, I imagine! No, I was bundling it up and such. Doing farmer-y things with it. I bet rats sleep in it, you know.

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:28

        I’m sure rats sleep in it. If I was a rat, I’d sleep in it.

      • 102 PorterGirl August 20, 2015 at 04:11

        I think I might too.

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:23

        I think I’d quite like to be a rat.

      • 104 PorterGirl August 21, 2015 at 07:22

        Not when Terry is around you wouldn’t!

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 16:57

        Well, I’d be this big, bloated rat, with a huge tail and talons!

      • 106 PorterGirl August 22, 2015 at 07:25

        Terry says that you sound delicious!

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2015 at 17:25

        *laughing* Rats! He’s supposed to be scared.

      • 108 PorterGirl August 23, 2015 at 14:49

        *laughing lots* oh he is so vicious!

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2015 at 19:49

        He is, the little bug eating bugger!

      • 110 PorterGirl August 25, 2015 at 06:03

        But just for snacks, though *laughs*

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2015 at 13:24

        *laughs* Or because they move.

      • 112 PorterGirl August 25, 2015 at 13:36

        That’s probably it – if something moves, he generally likes to put a stop to it.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2015 at 12:06

        Just doing his hunting duty, I’m thinking.

      • 114 PorterGirl August 26, 2015 at 12:31

        That’s right. It’s his job!

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2015 at 20:48

        It is, the bugger!

      • 116 PorterGirl August 27, 2015 at 06:15

        *laughing lots*

  13. 117 totallycaroline August 11, 2015 at 11:53

    “Fagged out”? I never heard that before.

    • 118 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:19

      Isn’t that something? It means “tired or very tried”. What do you make of it?

      • 119 totallycaroline August 11, 2015 at 19:21

        I like it indeed, don’t be surprised if I use it in an upcoming post 😜

      • 120 Professor VJ Duke August 11, 2015 at 19:28

        Please do! I’m sure you’ll use it brilliantly, you know.

      • 121 totallycaroline August 11, 2015 at 20:41

        It’s quite amusing 😜

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke August 12, 2015 at 21:17

        Isn’t it, though? I’m amazed with it.


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