Run fast, run true, run for by Charley we need you!
~ Early rhyme from V. Shnodgrate
Here’s the thing: When you leave a place, make sure you leave, and leave.
And that’s exactly what the professor did.
Really, I left.
And left nothing behind.
Then, I made a trip to Massachusetts. To Foxboro, to be precise. It’s on the way to PT News, see. So, I decided to stop for a bit. Take a breather.
I won’t bother you with all the gory details of the journey. This professor accidentally upset a few people along the way. I think I sang twice. Danced but once. And ate three pickles in a row.
That’s about it.
Now, there was a lot of noise coming from Gillette Stadium, so I made my way there.
I tried to get onto the field, but a chap was standing in the way.
“Whoa,” he said, “can’t go in. They’re practicing in there.”
“Who?” I asked.
He looked at me quizzically. “Really? The Patriots, of course.”
“Very good,” I said. “Now, let me in, my man. I’ve got a slice of bone to pick with the troops.”
I wasn’t sure what he was getting at, really.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“What did you mean?”
“Well, I’d like to go in, if you don’t mind.”
He huffed. “But I do! You can’t go in there! GOT IT?!”
And he screamed that last part.
“Not yet.” I answered. “Yell a bit louder, please.”
He was about to do something, but at that very minute, Schwarz Tauptinker came by.
And he looked angry. He was staring intently at the guard. In fact, he didn’t even look at this professor.
“You know what,” he said, “I brought you a soda.” Schwarz held it up for inspection.
It was kiddy size.
“Now will you let me in, chickit?” he asked.
The guard shook his head.
“If you both don’t get out of here, I’ll arrest you.”
“No you won’t!” Schwarz screamed, and he tried to rush past the guard.
But the guard caught him and they went down together.
That’s when this professor made the move.
I leapt like a gazelle, and went right over the guard and Schwarz.
It wasn’t too big of a leap since they were on the ground and all. But I’m figuring a gazelle would be a bit jealous, because I did it with only two hooves, instead of four.
Then, I was on the field.
Just like that.
There was this chap standing in the middle of the field throwing balls to another chap down the field.
I joined the chap throwing balls.
It was Tom Brady.
“Your throw is rather accurate,” I said.
“That’s what I train for,” was his curt response.
“Are you a quarterback or a running back?”
He finished throwing the ball. Then he turned and looked at me.
“Idiot. Get off the field.”
I thought about it twice, then decided not to.
Brady turned to me again. “Really? Get the heck out of here. You’re on my field.”
“Your name is Gillette? I didn’t know…”
Then, I got thrown out, can you believe.