The Meeting (TPL Story)

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The whole PT News staff was seated about the table.

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I was in the head chair, just because.

There was: Nick Warren, J. Freedwoppen, V. Shnodgrate, and Julia Thompson.

In truth, this is true: The professor felt like firing them all, but I controlled myself–and ate a peanut.

(There’s always been–and will always be–peanuts at the conference table.)

Now, there was silence for a bit, bits, and little bits, then I said:

“Look here, you brutes, just because this professor is away, it does not mean you can all take a vacation. What sort of company does that sort of thing? I’ll tell you: the horribly wicked and lazy ones. And PT News is not a lazy company. At this point, everyone wants to buy us, ’cause they think we’re falling apart. Dadblameit, even Dick Hercules’ agent wants to buy us!”

The professor paused here, but just for a bit.

I was about to say something when Julia blurted out:

“But you can’t be on vacations either!”

“I really wasn’t, though,” I said. “It was sorta what happened to King Richard the Lionhearted. I went on a mission and got waylaid–in a Turkish prison.”

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Richard’s castle. But it’s probably close to what the Turkish prison looked like. I think this is the bathroom.

“It was my fault,” Shnodgrate said. “I suggested a vacation, because there was no coffee.”

“Glad you admit that,” Nick said.

Freedwoppen shrugged. “I just went along with it all.”

This professor stood. “No excuses please, you rats. I’m going into my office. Let’s get back to work. And, Julia”–the bobbing ponytail lady looked my way–“don’t ever yell at the professor.”

With that, I slammed my door. Shut. All the way.

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87 Responses to “The Meeting (TPL Story)”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 02:58

    Oh, dear!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2015 at 13:36

      I was amazing.

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 13:47

        I can imagine! :-D

  2. 4 Lady Dunamis August 20, 2015 at 14:01

    The most hilarious meeting ever!

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:35

      How do you rate me, Lady, on a scale from 1 to 10?

      • 6 Lady Dunamis August 21, 2015 at 01:38

        10 for dialogue and 20 bonus points that HR let you get away with such abrasive language. Ha!

      • 7 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 16:51

        *laughing* Nice! That’s an A+, I”m thinking!!

  3. 8 Simply Skeptical August 20, 2015 at 01:00

    To the point meetings the best kind!

    • 9 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:22

      Over in five minutes–even better.

  4. 10 Louis from VA August 19, 2015 at 21:25

    Good heavens, I’ve missed a lot… Crunch those peanuts at your worthless underlings!

    • 11 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:43

      *laughing* I shall! Want one?

      • 12 Louis from VA August 21, 2015 at 10:45

        Don’t mind if I do. :D

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 17:00

        You may have three.

  5. 14 John W. Howell August 19, 2015 at 16:47

    Whoa. Everyone was left looking at their shoes. Way to go!

    • 15 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:42

      *smiles proudly* I didn’t slap anyone…but I was brutal, wouldn’t you say?

      • 16 John W. Howell August 19, 2015 at 21:59

        As if you were a lion or some other cat.

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:18

        Yes! I was bellowing. Like the bell thingy from Lord of the Rings. The one that kills Gandalf.

      • 18 John W. Howell August 21, 2015 at 12:27

        I could hear you from here. Almost did me in.

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 17:03

        Very scary? Super.

      • 20 John W. Howell August 21, 2015 at 18:17

        Yes. Shivered me timbers

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2015 at 17:17

        Haha! I’m practicing for a prank in October.

      • 22 John W. Howell August 22, 2015 at 20:15

        Sounds like you’re getting good at it.

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2015 at 19:45

        I’m trying. Usually, my pranks backfire.

      • 24 John W. Howell August 24, 2015 at 21:27

        Let’s hope not.

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2015 at 13:17

        Let’s hope fervently.

      • 26 John W. Howell August 25, 2015 at 14:56

        or fervently hope not a lot.

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2015 at 12:10

        *laughs* Or that, yes.

  6. 28 Debbie August 19, 2015 at 14:53

    I’d say that unruly lot got told, Professor — well done, sir! Good of Shnoddy to admit his part in the unraveling. Sad that the ponytail-bopper felt the need to make blurts. Perhaps she feels too comfy in her position?? *stink eye glare* Have you promised her job security and neglected to inform us of it??

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:37

      No, no! I wouldn’t do that. Now, now, Debbie you’re the one that suggested I get a lady in the office! Maybe she’s reformed?

      • 30 Debbie August 19, 2015 at 22:59

        Did I make that suggestion? I thought I merely confirmed your hiring of her (and you know, when she came in, she seemed so promising — sadly, not all employees work out). Besides, I think the job was between her and Daddy Salami — which one would’ve worked out better?? Hey,wasn’t Nick supposed to do the hiring? Let’s blame him!!

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:19

        Yes! Such a lovely point, Debbie. Nick was supposed to be about it! What do you suppose we should do to him? I’m thinking up something dastardly. Or trying to. Julia may get better yet.

  7. 32 Heartafire August 19, 2015 at 13:59

    You need to designate an “in charge of chaos” person, not to create but diffuse. I would love to renovate Richard’s Castle, it could be spectacular.

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:37

      You would have to give him a few bathrooms…don’t you think?

      • 34 Heartafire August 19, 2015 at 21:42

        the Royals actually need bathrooms?

  8. 35 Susan P August 19, 2015 at 13:42

    I don’t know what to say about that. Maybe you should get a school teacher into the thing. We have eyes on the back of our heads. In any case, you need to tighten security. It could be much much worse if you don’t.

    • 36 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:37

      Would you fetch them out? Smack them on the knuckles a bit?

      • 37 Susan P August 20, 2015 at 13:12

        Sorry. I’m a retired
        teacher.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:31

        Oh dadblameit! *pulls Susan out of retirement*

      • 39 Susan P August 21, 2015 at 10:54

        I’m perfectly fine not teaching anymore. Book editing is more my speed now.

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 17:01

        Yes, how’s that all going, btw?

      • 41 Susan P August 22, 2015 at 12:10

        I likes it. Waiting for the first paycheck.

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2015 at 17:29

        Oh sweet. If it’s not sent, rebel and burn a building down.

  9. 43 FictionFan August 19, 2015 at 13:25

    Oh, I think you should invite Dick’s agent into partnership! The news is so depressing – reporting it in poetry would make it seem a lot cheerier! And there are just so many words that rhyme with Trump! I’m somewhat devastated you didn’t take this golden opportunity to sack Ms Bobber though – I fear that girl is trouble…

    Ooooh, you were soooo masterful at the end, C-J-N-B! *swoons and has to be given medicinal choc-chip ice-cream*

    • 44 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:36

      *laughs* Just take the ‘t’ off for instance. But…did I tell you I look a bit like Trump? Just a bit, mind you. Do you think she hates me?

      *laughs* I sound like a news station now. Why the swooning?

      • 45 FictionFan August 20, 2015 at 14:00

        You do not!! That’s a horrid thought! *shivers* I’d have to knit a great big cover for your entire head if that was true! I fear she’s probably like all the girls – dazzled by your eternal fascination, and pants. One can’t blame her really…but that won’t stop me from tying her ponytail to the back of a truck…

        *laughs* Good point! Well, because masterful men are so swoonworthy! Especially c&a ones…

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:35

        My eternal fascination? With Kenny G? Fascination…with the katana! That dazzles even you, I’ll have you know! Now, why would you do that? Poor thing…

        I never met one. Except…Brock Lesnar!

      • 47 FictionFan August 21, 2015 at 18:20

        Eh? I think our Universal Translator must have broken down again! I just meant that you were… oh. never mind! But I am indeed dazzled by your katana, o great warrior! Oh dear! Are you in love with her again? OK, I think you should ask her out… I can’t fight every woman in the world over you… *sobs, but bravely*

        One of the many things in this life that makes me happy is the thought that you don’t look like him…

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2015 at 17:18

        Were? What? Tell me! Very curious, now. The katana dazzles me, too. It’s…beautiful! But not as beautiful as the guitar. I was never in love with her, though, and I’m certainly not now! Promise lots.

        You can’t be serious! That’s Brock Lesnar! Imagine. He’s so strong, I bet. He’s cool in the ring, too.

      • 49 FictionFan August 23, 2015 at 15:10

        But it would just make you blush, you fascinating person, you! No, I agree – the guitar wins! Though you must never use it in battle! *sighs with relief* I’m so glad! Unless it means you’re still in love with Amelia…

        *tries not to laugh* Sometimes I think ‘cool’ must mean something different over there…

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2015 at 19:54

        I never blush! I’m un-blush-able! True, we can’t take the guitar into orc infested places. Amelia? Nah, I don’t even feel bad for her.

        Humph noodles. He does bodyslams!

      • 51 FictionFan August 24, 2015 at 23:51

        Oh that’s good! I can say anything I like about you then without fear of embarassing you, my gorgeously scrumptious little sweetikins!! Nah, we should throw Amelia into the orc infested places instead… *eyes gleam*

        Yes, well, I can see how some people (I mean men) might find that impressive… *shakes head sadly*

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2015 at 13:20

        *laughs* Sweetikins? I’m not even sure what that is! But still, I un-blush-able, and I stand by that to the death. They’ll probably eat her, if you do that.

        But it is! Imagine doing that. It’d be fun, you must admit.

      • 53 FictionFan August 25, 2015 at 17:05

        Just look in the mirror – then you’ll know, my fluffy cuddly litlle honeybunchikins! *fears he may gag rather than blush at this point* I know!!! *rubs hands gleefully*

        *laughs* Depends who with, I suppose…

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2015 at 12:16

        *laughing lots* Where do you come up with all those names! That’s hilarious. See, no gagging.

        Seth Rollins?

      • 55 FictionFan August 26, 2015 at 15:56

        I practice them on Tommy…

        Don’t know him.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2015 at 20:58

        I bet Tommy likes it lots.

      • 57 FictionFan August 27, 2015 at 00:37

        He does!

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2015 at 12:35

        I would give him a pat or two.

      • 59 FictionFan August 27, 2015 at 17:18

        He thanks you for the virtual patting…

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2015 at 20:40

        Well, you’re supposed to pat him for me, not virtual pat him!! Dadblameit.

      • 61 FictionFan August 27, 2015 at 23:35

        Okay, OKAY!! Shall I give him an extra kiss from you on his pretty pink nose too…?

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2015 at 12:55

        *laughs* Yes, please. I bet he deserves it. And give Tuppence a pet on the ear.

  10. 63 walt walker August 19, 2015 at 13:16

    I take their silence as a sign of support. They didn’t say no, you see.

    • 64 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:36

      Could it mean revenge or plotting, tho?

      • 65 walt walker August 19, 2015 at 21:57

        I suppose so. But that would be nasty. Are they nasty?

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:17

        I think they have the tendency. Like DH does.

  11. 67 PorterGirl August 19, 2015 at 13:11

    I think you exerted your authority rather well there, Professor – particularly with the devilish Julia, you should keep your eye on her. I still think that Nick needs a spanking… just because.

    • 68 Susan P August 19, 2015 at 13:39

      That sounds rather naughty of you, PG.

      • 69 PorterGirl August 19, 2015 at 15:41

        Teehee – I wasn’t naughty until I started to frequent TPL, you know…

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:38

        Same here.

      • 71 PorterGirl August 20, 2015 at 04:15

        *nods* it has that effect.

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:24

        And I’m not the least bit sorry!

      • 73 PorterGirl August 21, 2015 at 07:25

        Me either! In fact, I am proud.

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 16:59

        Quite right! Me too. Proudly proud.

    • 75 Professor VJ Duke August 19, 2015 at 21:35

      We should make sure he gets five spankings–in a row. Didn’t I? I had to yell. I don’t like yelling, but someone had to do it proper. *yells like The Dean*

      • 76 PorterGirl August 20, 2015 at 04:15

        Quite right it is the least he deserves. You were fabulous at it. The Dean would be most proud.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 00:24

        He taught me well in that, don’t you know.

      • 78 PorterGirl August 21, 2015 at 07:24

        He likes to pass on his special skill, but so few people master it with the necessary aplomb. You have a real talent, Professor.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke August 21, 2015 at 16:58

        I’ve trained for…for…months! Like Ronda Rousey.

      • 80 PorterGirl August 22, 2015 at 07:29

        *laughing lots* the training has paid off!

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke August 22, 2015 at 17:27

        Now, it’s break time. And I’ll lose all of it. Just so I can train again. That’s how it works, you know.

      • 82 PorterGirl August 23, 2015 at 14:51

        Sounds like a plan to me.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke August 24, 2015 at 19:50

        It’s a bit of a circular plan, but I love it to many deaths.

      • 84 PorterGirl August 25, 2015 at 06:04

        They are the best kind, I feel.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke August 25, 2015 at 13:25

        They are. The world needs more of them.

      • 86 PorterGirl August 25, 2015 at 13:37

        *breeds circular plans at once*

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke August 26, 2015 at 12:07

        *laughs* Capital!


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