So, here it is: The professor went to a bookstore. Or library.
I went to search for a book.
And I ended up getting a different book.
That’s how it works. Libraries are traps: they suck you in, knowing full well they don’t have the book you’re looking for. Then, when desperation sets in ’cause you can’t find the book, you settle for a worse book.
Dadblame the system. Someone must rebel.
But anyways and a few.
This professor took the book to the counter.
“Okay,” I said to the attendant, “this is what I’ve chosen. Wow.”
And I placed it there straightforward like.
“Do you have a library card?” the assistant asked.
Now, the assistant had frizzy hair that stuck out in all directions, sorta like this:
Only it was red or orange or blonde (couldn’t tell) and she was a she.
“A library card…” I mumbled. “Do you suppose I need one, the sudden?”
She looked at me as if to say, Really?!
I was in earnest, in truth.
“Why don’t you look and see if you have it?” she suggested. She was clearly the impatient type.
So, this professor popped out his wallet from the back pocket. You know, that’s how we do it: We pop out, us men. We don’t slip it out or anything like that. It’s not a slow process. It just ‘pops’ out.
Then I began to go through the cards. Now, this professor doesn’t have many cards, mainly, ’cause many won’t fit.
“It’s easy to spot,” she sighed. “Completely green.”
“Oh…” I said, still looking.
“Only an idiot would have trouble finding it.”
Then, I broke out into a cold sweat. I didn’t have it, dadblameit.
This professor did have a paper green card, though. It was a pale green. From an amusement park, I think.
I handed that over. Maybe I’d fool her. As I handed it, I felt spicy and so clever.
She just looked at me. “Nope. I don’t see how someone could mistake our card for any other card!”
Now I was mad. Mad that I had been tricked into caring whether or not I got a book I didn’t really want. Mad that I didn’t have the card. Mad that she wouldn’t give me the book. And mad at the overall story of the library.
So, I was vicious.
“I know how they can mistake your card for another card!” I said. “The same way someone could mistake your hair color for being one exact color!”
And I stormed out.
Moral of the story: Libraries hate you.
Hee, hee, that’s too funny. Big deal “Library Card” indeed! Let them keep the dusty worn things anyway….
Quite right! And all those little bugs inside them…
Well Professor,
I guess you won’t be going back there anytime soon. Or maybe you can sneak back when a different librarian is on duty. Maybe this one will have normal hair and be nice. Heck, she may even let you get a new library card so you can take out books!
Nancy
P.S. Just remember not to insult her hair!
Yes, I shouldn’t have insulted her! But she was mean. I mean, a ticket should work. A cards a card after all. Not too important, see.
Hi Professor,
Well, maybe next time, you can accidentally knock off her glasses so she can’t see exactly what’s on your card. All librarians wear glasses, don’t they? It’s all part of the librarian dress code.
Nancy
You’re right! Bang! Knock it right off.
I laughed so hard at your retort! However, since libraries are full of amusement, that card should have worked!
It was mean, I know, but she deserved it! I think I should bring her a cake. Lighten the mood, see.
Oh yes, a cake! May I have a piece, too?
You may have…two!
Seriously, Professor? Domer has had a library card (and so have I) since we were wee ones! Of course, now we both do some reading online, so it’s probably not as crucial, but still. Ours are FREE, so it’s not like having one costs a lot of money. But that poor librarian! Saddled with hair something like Kenny G’s would be enough to ruin anyone’s day!! She was probably just jealous of yours, you know!
My hair? Really? Don’t you think Kenny has way better hair than mine? I think so. I need to get his do!
Free cards? You cheaters! You could’ve at least given me one. Or she should’ve mentioned that they were free! Rats.
Definitely NOT!! His looks like a rat’s nest! Can you imagine trying to run a brush through those curls? Me, neither!
Well, but I bet he doesn’t have to brush! Which, you must admit, is a plus.
Now that I’m finally back online after almost two weeks, I’m see I have a lot of catching up to do. My my your librarian has the look of Kenny G. Is this person a musician as well?
Good thing you carry green cards around. They come in handy I see.
Hi Linda! So good to see you back. How’ve you been? You know, I bet she couldn’t even toot a toot!
They do. But I doubt I could even get back in the amusement park, you know.
I would think the amusement park card should have been quite enough. It shows humor which is sometimes missing from Librarian’s lives.
*laughs* Quite right! I bet she’s never been on a rollercoaster, John.
Be thankful you didn’t need to use the dewy decimal system. It could have been a lot worse.
I am fully persuaded that this impatient multicolored haired librarian is a bit perturbed that libraries are becoming extinct. An endangered brick and mortar dinosaur ya know.
And as for this “pop out thing,” is this uniquely male? I wonder what do women do, slide it out? Quite an interesting social observation, wouldn’t ya say?
Dewy decimal system! That’s a scary system, isn’t it, Lady?
Are they really? I bet she was just attacking everyone who came through the door. In fact, I bet she’s an evil spy from Russia!
*laughs* Yes…I’d say slide or simply take. We pop it out. Jealous a bit, aren’t you?
Ha! Totally jealous.
I’m sure you could learn it…
“We pop out, us men”? Hahaha! An amusement card is close enough to a library card. Maybe she got her hair dye mixed up and was cranky?
But we do! You know it’s true, too, don’t you?
Ooo, good point! Bet she did. Now wonder she was cranky. She just shouldn’t dye her hair, I say.
Is that Kenny G, Professor? You know I can’t resist his smooth jazz. …Also, I’m quite sure the librarian may be related to Trump. No one can define his hair color either… She really should have taken your amusement card. Nothing says how serious one is about books than an amusement card. In truth, that’s the truth.
It is! I love his music, too, DS. Favorites?
You’re right on! *laughs* You really like Trump’s hair, don’t you?
I know… I’ll stop being hacky about that.
*laughs* No, DD! It’s funny.
But it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. I must refrain. Even if there is a category 5 windstorm attached to his scalp.
*laughing* I just heard him say it was real…
Yes, but it’s like spinning cotton candy. You only start with a teaspoon of sugar to whip it into a full nest. Ha. It’s amazing what one can do with three hairs…
*laughing lots* You, DD, are hilarious! I think I agree with you, too, the sudden. He’s only got three hairs.
Wow, that was one spicy librarian. That bit about only idiots not being able to find it. Wowawee. Quite a zinger. I’m surprised you didn’t cut her hair in anger, or some such.
I controlled myself, Walt. But it was hard. I bet you would’ve boomeranged her.
Good grief. My problem, though, is that I can lose stuff when I’m handing right in the palm of my hand.
You know, the librarian puts me in mind of a pop singer from the 60’s who played the UKULELE. Weird sort of chap. He sang about tiptoing through the tulips…
http://www.biography.com/people/tiny-tim-251027
You can? Now, what sort of things.
*laughs* I know him! Doesn’t he look like that weird Al fellow?
Didn’t sound like him, though.
You’re exactly right. Sound. Quite right.
Sounds like some fellow who plays guitar by the name of Vince.
I don’t know no fool named Vince, the sudden…
Ah, yes, your magical memory. Now you have it, now you don’t
Mostly I don’t, I fear.
Now then…you just told me you fear when you sing….?
Umm…uh…oh you’re wicked today!
Every day. Mostly you don’t notice.
But I notice all things!!
Except what you don’t.
Blah hoot!
Are you imitating a sick owl?
Come now, there are no sick owls!
I’ve seen a sick eagle. Does that count?
Did it die?
One did, and one did not.
Well, that is a good thing.
Except that in general, eagles mate for life, and if their mate does or is killed, they grieve themselves to death.
They do? You’re pulling my leg.
No, I am serious.
http://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/animals/photos/11-animals-that-mate-for-life/bald-eagles
Now that is incredibly cool, Ms. Susan.
I learned that watching Macgyver. That and lot of other stuff about physics.
I like this chap, the sudden.
He is very cool.
Yes…but he needs to do more pull-ups.
He needs to lose the mullet.
Yes, that will help too. Here’s a shaver.
I’m not going to shave him. That is your job.
He might get violent!
And your point is?
I could get in bodily trouble!
To be or not to be?
To eat or not to eat.
To swim or not to swim.
Not to swim. *nods*
How about a hot air balloon?
I would do that, aye.
Are you going to be the ref?
Yes, aren’t you excited?
Why would I be excited?
Because I cheat lots.
Psh
*recoils in horror* Good noodles, sir! You could at least have put a warning at the top of the page! Nervous people throughout the world will now be cowering behind their sofas, whimpering and checking that their shampoo contains defrizzer! *checks and sighs with relief* The woman was dreadfully rude to you, but one can’t help but feel sorry for her – what a burden to look in the mirror every morning and discover one looks like Kenny! It would be enough to make one snort!
It’s good, though, that Mr G can still smile despite the energy that hairdo must consume. Don’t you think he just needs some nice red lipstick to make him look like Jack?
I’m so surprised the library didn’t have the book you were looking for – most of them have all the works of Ms Austen…
It depends on the library. I expect libraries to become extinct any year now. You’ll be lucky if you find a Kindle in the ether next.
I’ll keep vigilant watch on my library.
Yes. You never know what the PLers will be up to.
Some sort of dadblamery.
Well, that is a given. I hear a rumor that Ruber is taking a holiday.
Oh no…where’s he going?
Well, it’s only a rumor, doncha know? But rumor has it he’s getting read to add another arrow to his bow.
You mean he’s out shopping?
More like another business of some sort.
Stealing?
More like tourism.
*laughs* I know! Isn’t that a shocking picture? I’m almost this sure that was photoshopped. He can’t be that…that…that interesting looking! Yes…but in all fairness, isn’t that her problem? Why take it out on the innocent, dull professor? I should’ve slapped her once then twice!
*laughs* Did Jack have red lipstick?
You know, I heard someone just say Austen was the best sort of romance. *laughs belittlingly*
Terrifying! If I’d had a bit of chocolate in my mouth I could have accidentally choked! Well… I hesitate to be critical.. but it doesn’t seem altogether unreasonable of her to have expected you to produce your library card, sir! Just sayin’…
In Joker mode, I was thinking.
And you probably believed it… *laughs belittlingly*
Glad you didn’t choke! But I never keep any of my cards with me. Isn’t it a dadblame nuisance? You know it is!
You’re quite right. Heath’s better!
*laughing lots* You ripper you!
Ahem – “You know, that’s how we do it: We pop out, us men.” Yes, I have heard that, in fact. It is something us ladies need to keep an eye on.
What a truly dadblame irritating experience this must have been. At least you didn’t have to leave with a book you didn’t really want. Maybe you should have just smuggled it out, after all.
*laughing lots* Now why is that? Are you thinking of stealing wallets? *professorish eye*
I should’ve smuggled a whole bookcase, I’m thinking. As soon as I came in, I saw her watching me with disdain. I should have had a water balloon.
No, no! Not the Professorish eye! *hides*. I would never consider anything quite so naughty as that. Or maybe, in fact, it is not naughty enough!
*laughs* When the professorish eye happens, it sorta bulges out a bit, I think.
Beware the thing that bulges out – it is looking for trouble!
*laughs* You might have a point there. I wonder if they could both bulge at once?
Nooooo! That would be too terrifying! I promise I will be good.
They might even pop! And that would terrify me.
Oh my goodness. That is reason enough to limit the usage of the professorish eye…
Isn’t it, though? I’ve just gone and scared myself.
Do not fear *swish swish* the tail is here!
What a great saying! *swish*
It is my new catchphrase *ruffle*
I will steal it!
Pah! And a good catchphrase is so hard to come by these days… *laughs*
I’ll leave you with half, though!
Thank you very much! But which half? I bet the half with the tail! *laughs*
Yes! Otherwise, I might get a tickle and you know it!
Always trying to escape the tickle! *shakes fist*
Oh yes! My duty, see.
Pah. It will catch up with you one day, my fine fellow. You wait and see!
But until then… *laughs victoriously*
*shakes fist*
Haha!
Haha! Enjoyed reading this :)
Why thanks bunches! Now…what do you think of that library attendant?
Well, I would say she’s great at her job. She should be commended… rewarded even for her dutiful, prompt, and truly strict way of doing her work.
And you… you should be ashamed of yourself for trying to trick her! LOL
*laughing lots* Rats! Maybe you do have a point there, RF. Makes me seem beastly and the bad guy, which isn’t a bad thing, you know.
;)
Not really beastly. You’re like the Resident Naughty Campus Figure who gets away with almost anything… except with Ms. Terror Librarian.
Yes, quite right! She stopped me in my tracks. *shudders*