Sucker Shopping

This professor, you must understand, is a child of decisions.

I know what a decision is and what a decision is not; I know how to make decisions and I know when I’m just pretending to make decisions; and I only make decisions sometimes.

And that is why this professor was struggling with this decision.

It was a hard one, after all.

I was here:

photo12

For all of us out there who are not sweet (especially Roscoe) this is a subliminal message.

Now, I was having the most dadblamery of a time choosing between two suckers.

The cherry sucker or the lemon sucker.

It’s commonly said, don’t you know, that the true sucker is the sucker who can’t choose between two suckers.

So, this professor was just like the suckers. Only I hope I was cherry, for sure.

With a final roar–it’s always good to roar when you decide things–I chose the cherry sucker.

CherryLimeade.1

 

With that, I went to the register.

“I’ll have this cherry sucker,” I said.

Now, the fellow at the register was a teenager, I’d say. But a tall, lanky one, too.

“What?” he said, sounding a bit surprised. “That’s all you want? Really?”

“For sure,” I answered. “There are enough calories here to keep a pregnant moose on top of things for a few months.”

He made an odd face at me.

“Fine,” he said. “That’ll be $5.”

“$5?” I said.

Now, here’s the thing, I was a bit incredulous at this point.

He nodded. “Yep. We’ve got a store policy: If you only buy an item worth $0.05, we have to multiply that total by 100 to get the new price. It doesn’t make sense for us to do it the other way, see, dude.”

“How dreadfully unwonderful,” I answered. “Then I’ve decided I don’t want your sucker, madam.”

And I left.

With the sucker, of course.

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124 Responses to “Sucker Shopping”


  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 02:50

    He deserved it. (You should have hit him in the face with the lemon sucker! He’s more of a sucker than the sucker who can’t choose between two suckers. Who sucks more, the sucker or the sucker who sucked in the first place? Wait, that’s not even Obi-Wan… *examines my translation circuit* Bugger. And now it has determined that I must talk British. Bugger again.)

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2015 at 13:35

      Bugger! Yes, that word is just fabulous, don’t you know. I love it to many deaths. How is Obi doing?

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 13:49

        He’s doing well. Trying to figure out my strange spontanteous-and-involuntary teleportation condition with the help of the Doctor and MacGyver.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke October 2, 2015 at 20:21

        I think they’ll have a time of it.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 October 2, 2015 at 20:35

        *nods* Probably they will. *steals the last of Jack’s fried rice and sits down to watch*

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke October 3, 2015 at 18:18

        *steals Erin’s stolen fired rice*

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 October 3, 2015 at 18:44

        Who fired it?!
        Oh, wait. It’s a misspelling. I fired Jack and stole his fried rice. And then I ate most of it. *jumps on you, grabbing for the fried rice*

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke October 4, 2015 at 22:18

        *laughs* Ow! You must play nice. It’s mine now! *runs*

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 October 4, 2015 at 23:55

        *chases you* MY fried rice! Give it back! *throws water balloons at you* :-P

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke October 5, 2015 at 21:12

        *ducks* You meanie! *laughing*

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 October 6, 2015 at 03:05

        *hug attacks you* >:-D

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke October 6, 2015 at 18:29

        *falls to the floor*

      • 13 erinkenobi2893 October 6, 2015 at 20:00

        *shares out the fried rice* More fun eating it with a friend! :-D

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke October 7, 2015 at 12:01

        I agree. What was I thinking?

      • 15 erinkenobi2893 October 7, 2015 at 12:37

        I don’t know. The chase was fun, though.

  2. 16 Souldiergirl August 28, 2015 at 16:43

    You are fabulous- you make me laugh and I love it! Reminds me of the $5 shake from pulp fiction. Glad you went with the cherry. Always a wise professor eh. :))

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke August 31, 2015 at 19:54

      *laughs* Hey, SG! And yes, cherry is always the way to go!

      • 18 Souldiergirl September 3, 2015 at 07:26

        Sure is ☺️🍒

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2015 at 12:53

        Look! It’s a little cherry. *steals it*

      • 20 Souldiergirl September 3, 2015 at 17:03

        Ha! Hey there’s two- can we share?! And I won’t charge $5 for mine ;))

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2015 at 23:10

        We can! I’m so chuffed you gave me another! How many more do you have?

      • 22 Souldiergirl September 4, 2015 at 03:31

        Perhaps a basket full as I am on a journey with my basket of cherry lollipops and what better thing to do then to share them with a fabulous professor I met along the way…who also fancies a cherry…or two!

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke September 4, 2015 at 12:14

        Or…100! Hey, do you suppose I might buy your basket?

      • 24 Souldiergirl September 4, 2015 at 16:35

        Well now that I see it is on your Christmas list, it may just be a gift…

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke September 4, 2015 at 20:03

        But…but…but…I can’t wait that long, dadblameit!

      • 26 Souldiergirl September 5, 2015 at 02:30

        Ok, well perhaps I can give half now and the rest for Christmas? Oui oui…

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke September 7, 2015 at 15:26

        That sounds greatly great! You’re pampering me. It’s awesome.

      • 28 Souldiergirl September 8, 2015 at 05:53

        Well even the professor deserves a pamper!

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke September 8, 2015 at 12:47

        And a cherry muffin, the sudden, please.

      • 30 Souldiergirl September 8, 2015 at 13:28

        Oh I see… Coming right up! Perfect for a morning like this too

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2015 at 12:55

        I want one every morning the sudden.

      • 32 Souldiergirl September 10, 2015 at 17:12

        Well good! I do better when I keep busy

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2015 at 12:34

        Oh! That’s just perfect. I might sing, the sudden.

      • 34 Souldiergirl September 4, 2015 at 16:35

        Oh with a candy cane bow!

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke September 4, 2015 at 20:04

        I’m loving the bow, though.

      • 36 Souldiergirl September 5, 2015 at 02:04

        The perfect touch 💗

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke September 7, 2015 at 15:25

        Or a katana shaped bow.

      • 38 Souldiergirl September 8, 2015 at 05:53

        Now that would be quite lovely to see! Perhaps some origami would be involved…

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke September 8, 2015 at 12:47

        Is Origami that paper stuff?

      • 40 Souldiergirl September 8, 2015 at 13:27

        Sure is!

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2015 at 12:54

        I would like to make an origami professor.

      • 42 Souldiergirl September 10, 2015 at 17:11

        Wow! That is brilliant…let me see what I can do about that ;))

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke September 11, 2015 at 12:34

        I imagine it would be difficult!

  3. 44 Susan P August 28, 2015 at 16:15

    Nice, PVJ. Well played. It’s why I always get the bogo at the market. Because I would feel gypped otherwise. And even if it spoils because we are only two, I at least got the better of them. Right?

    • 45 Professor VJ Duke August 31, 2015 at 19:53

      Absolutely right. See, you taught me well. You’re just as wicked as me, the sudden.

      • 46 Susan P August 31, 2015 at 20:44

        Sooner than the sudden.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke September 1, 2015 at 11:45

        Yes, even sooner than the sudden!

      • 48 Susan P September 1, 2015 at 14:38

        Now you see it, now you don’t.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke September 1, 2015 at 21:35

        That’s like my guitar.

      • 50 Susan P September 2, 2015 at 00:14

        YesS

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2015 at 18:44

        Gollum!

      • 52 Susan P September 2, 2015 at 20:31

        Is he here?

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2015 at 12:50

        Yes, would you like to meet him?

      • 54 Susan P September 3, 2015 at 13:26

        I think I already did in a dark cave one night. Shudder.

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2015 at 23:03

        What happened?

      • 56 Susan P September 4, 2015 at 01:03

        I grabbed the boat and paddled.

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke September 4, 2015 at 12:12

        You didn’t exchange riddles or whatnot?

      • 58 Susan P September 5, 2015 at 13:25

        Really? Do you think I am capable of such depredations?

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke September 7, 2015 at 15:31

        Wow…that word has immobilized me.

      • 60 Susan P September 7, 2015 at 21:35

        It’s a great word!

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke September 8, 2015 at 12:44

        It is an awesome word!

      • 62 Susan P September 8, 2015 at 14:58

        Has sort of a ring to it.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2015 at 12:59

        Very true.

  4. 64 Simply Skeptical August 27, 2015 at 23:10

    No sucker warrants such a sticker price; goodness gracious me. I’ve always been of the impression that suckers are flat while lolly pops are sphere shaped. Have you ever heard it?

    • 65 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2015 at 12:54

      Now really? That is an intense interest. I had no idea.

  5. 66 Lady Dunamis August 27, 2015 at 19:04

    Such blatant thievery! What is Daddy Salami teaching you? I am flabbergasted by such bold behavior…and laughing at the same time. 😆

    • 67 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2015 at 20:43

      *laughs* Oh come on! You would’ve taken it too, right?

      • 68 Lady Dunamis August 27, 2015 at 22:07

        I’d have to say that I would have taken the high road and left it BUT I would drive to a Sam’s club or Costco for free food samples. 🍭🍕

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2015 at 12:52

        Do they have free samples there? I must visit.

  6. 70 John W. Howell August 27, 2015 at 18:27

    I think I shopped in that store when I was a kid.

    • 71 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2015 at 20:41

      *laughing lots* Yes, exactly! We should raid it, John.

      • 72 John W. Howell August 27, 2015 at 20:47

        I remember being told to move on so I think you are right.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2015 at 12:51

        Let’s leave nothing intact.

      • 74 John W. Howell August 28, 2015 at 12:55

        After you.

  7. 75 sonmi upon the Cloud August 27, 2015 at 18:11

    I don’t blame you one jot. Also, lemon suckers give people faces like slapped arses, so you did well to go for the cherry I’d say.

    – sonmi not sucking anything officer upon the Cloud

    • 76 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2015 at 20:40

      *laughing lots* Okay, that was hilarious. So, you’d never have a lemon sucker?

  8. 77 FictionFan August 27, 2015 at 16:55

    You should have taken $4.95 worth of chocolate and sent it to me – along with an orange sucker. Of course, they’re not called suckers, silly, they’re lollies! So if “the true sucker is the sucker who can’t choose between two suckers” then I think that means you must be a lolly too, Lolly!

    • 78 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2015 at 20:39

      *laughing lots* Now I’m a lolly! But what would you do with the chocolate? See, that’s the thing. Now, if you’d give some to Tommy…I might send it. An orange one?! Over cherry?!

      • 79 FictionFan August 27, 2015 at 23:34

        Better a lolly than a sucker, surely?! Huh! Why should I give him any? He doesn’t give me any of his cat treats!! Oh yes! Orange is much better – cherry tastes like cough medicine..

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2015 at 12:55

        You do have a point. Lolly is a nicer word, for sure. But..but…would you want a cat treat? *laughs* Orange is the one that tastes like medicine, you silly!

  9. 81 Debbie August 27, 2015 at 15:23

    Professor! I’m speechless! (Well, no, but maybe momentarily). You STOLE that sucker?? Sir, I’m ashamed for you! Yes, the clerk was horrid. Yes, the price was ridiculous. But I’m sure you meant to say you took that sucker AFTER you laid a nickel on the counter, right?? *stink eye glare*

    As for the choice, I’d have probably taken the lemon. Yellow is such a cheery color, you know, and lemon is delightful for easing sore throats and all. Well, maybe you should have bought a handful, one in every color, seeing as how they weren’t exactly expensive!

    • 82 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2015 at 20:38

      Umm…uhh…umm…didn’t he say I could have it for free? I think he did the sudden! Either that…or…or…I’ll return it tomorrow! How’s that?

      I was so low on change, though. Lemon over cherry? How could you!!

      • 83 Debbie August 27, 2015 at 23:54

        If he gave away all his product, he’d get fired! How can a business stay in business by giving away stuff?! Are you going to return the stick (because I’m pretty sure you’ve already eaten it, right?!) Actually, I prefer cherry (or chocolate!), but I was just pointing out the advantages of lemon. If one has a sore throat, you know.

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2015 at 12:56

        Very true. Lemon does have some goody things about it. But imagine how cherry-ade would taste!

        Now, well, I returned it half eaten, ’cause I felt bad, the sudden.

  10. 85 fauquetmichel August 27, 2015 at 14:10

    we always must have a reflection before decision + action , so the cherry sucker helps to pass the time ( for reflection of course ) :)
    In friendship
    Michel

    • 86 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2015 at 20:37

      Yes, that’s it exactly! Right on, my man.

  11. 87 Heartafire August 27, 2015 at 13:38

    I’m stunned and disappointed, my price range being $1.50. Does that mean I can’t have a cherry sucker (tearing up)? I would like to stroll the isles of this delightful little store wearing my oversized coat of many pockets.

    • 88 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2015 at 20:36

      That’s the spirit. We can pilfer the cherry suckers. It’s for a good cause after all, you must agree.

      • 89 Heartafire August 27, 2015 at 20:43

        I like the way you think professor. Cherry suckers are the best. I will wear my oversized coat we can make this work

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2015 at 12:50

        We will be quick and spicy about it, too.

      • 91 Heartafire August 28, 2015 at 13:39

        you’re a saucy one, I like that.

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke August 31, 2015 at 19:44

        *laughs* Definitely! And a beast.

  12. 93 PorterGirl August 27, 2015 at 13:23

    So you stole the sucker?! Or rather smuggled the sucker *laughs*. We don’t call them suckers over here so I am glad you included a picture or I would have been wondering all day long. This shop seems most unfriendly to its customers. Maybe you should have bought both suckers. And then stuck them right in the assistant’s eyes!

    • 94 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2015 at 20:36

      Smuggled is a better word! Less…scary sounding. But yes, I took the sucker! *laughs triumphantly* Do you call them lollies? That’s what FEF calls them. We can call them lollipops as well.

      In the eyes! Yes. That would leave a lasting…thingy.

      • 95 PorterGirl August 28, 2015 at 06:17

        Smuggling is much more civilised, I feel. Yes – lollies! FF has the right name for them. She knows about these things, you see.
        Maybe it would give him a sweet view of the world!

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2015 at 12:59

        She does! Wow now. You’ve made me want lots of lollies. That’s such a funny name for them. Just like ickle is so funny!

      • 97 PorterGirl August 28, 2015 at 13:09

        I think you are so funny! Would an ickle lolly be the funniest thing ever? Hmm!

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke August 31, 2015 at 19:42

        Yes, it would be! And probably frustrating, too. So, whenever this professor sees a lollipop, I just have to take one. I think they’re allowed to be taken as well.

      • 99 PorterGirl September 1, 2015 at 06:20

        I believe so. I think they are almost a human right.

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke September 1, 2015 at 11:46

        Yes, they are! And all the different flavors. It excites me too much, see.

      • 101 PorterGirl September 1, 2015 at 11:48

        I can understand that. It is rather exciting. I like the ones that are several flavours at once!

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke September 1, 2015 at 21:25

        Yes! I love those ones. I’m a sucker king.

      • 103 PorterGirl September 2, 2015 at 06:09

        *laughing lots* What a thing to be king of. Marvellous, I say!

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke September 2, 2015 at 18:46

        *laughs* Doesn’t sound quite good, does it?

      • 105 PorterGirl September 3, 2015 at 06:09

        King Of Lollipops does have a slightly better ring to it *laughs*

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2015 at 12:52

        *laughs* But then…it sounds as if I’m in Candyland!

      • 107 PorterGirl September 3, 2015 at 13:24

        It does rather. Just add Candyland to your ever expanding empire.

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke September 3, 2015 at 23:01

        *laughs* Candyland would be a place I might go and visit.

      • 109 PorterGirl September 4, 2015 at 06:44

        I might move in there.

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke September 4, 2015 at 12:15

        Imagine the sweets you could eat all day!

      • 111 PorterGirl September 4, 2015 at 12:48

        *drools*

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke September 4, 2015 at 19:51

        But…also the amount of pushups one would have to do.

      • 113 PorterGirl September 5, 2015 at 10:05

        Or one could just get fat. And wear a big coat.

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke September 7, 2015 at 15:28

        With big brass buttons. No one would be the wiser.

      • 115 PorterGirl September 8, 2015 at 06:15

        A cunning plan!

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke September 8, 2015 at 12:49

        You are very wise.

      • 117 PorterGirl September 8, 2015 at 13:19

        Only occasionally.

      • 118 Professor VJ Duke September 9, 2015 at 12:52

        Every other day.

  13. 119 The Lite Rider August 27, 2015 at 13:21

    Uh oh. But I can’t say I blamed you regarding the dadblamed pricing snafu……And cherry was absolutely the correct choice, ha ha. :)

    • 120 Professor VJ Duke August 27, 2015 at 20:35

      Yes, wasn’t it? Always cherry! So I walked out with it. Spicy of me, huh?

      • 121 The Lite Rider August 27, 2015 at 22:51

        It was, Professor!

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke August 28, 2015 at 12:53

        I’m a monstrous beast.

      • 123 The Lite Rider August 28, 2015 at 13:17

        A teddy bear of a monstrous beast — who can wield a katana and perhaps even a broadsword.

      • 124 Professor VJ Duke August 31, 2015 at 19:43

        Yes, yes! Quite right, LR. But…if I’m a teddy, it’s a vicious one.


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