Fighting off Intruders

They were attempting to thieve me.

LottieOllie and the fellow all in black had broken into my house and were attempting to get in my desk drawers.

This had to be stopped.

It was also early morning, mind you, when the professor is at his groggiest.

“Open the drawers now,” Lottie said again to me.

They were locked, see.

“Umm…” I began. “Tell you what, I shall, but the key is upstairs. Let me retrieve it.”

Lottie turned to the chap all in black. “Follow him, Jack.”

So, it turned out the chap in black was Jack. Good to know.

Together we went up the stairs, down the hallway.

“Now, look here,” I said, grabbing my katana from the chair it was leaning up against in the hallway, “the keys are in the bottom of the scabbard.”

IMG_5194

And that’s when he moved. But this professor was quicker. And I knocked him in the neck. He collapsed and I took his cool gun.

After he was nice and vanquished, this professor moved downstairs with the swiftness and silence of a big cat.

But wouldn’t you know it, the stairs creaked half-way down.

Rats!

When I made it to the office, LottieOllie was gone.

Of course, I didn’t call the police, ’cause the professor is too vicious for that. I just threw Jack from a window–trusting that when he awoke he’d leave–and I locked the front door.

And I promised myself: Next time the door rang, I’d run upstairs and look out the window to see who it was. No opening doors without knowing–from now on.

#NewProfessorRule

As soon as the professor made it back to the couch, the doorbell rang yet again.

So, I charged to the door, with my katana on my back, and swung it open.

See, I’d forgotten about my new rule.

There was a police officer standing there.

“Good morning, sir,” he said. “Why is there an unconscious male on your front lawn?”

“I threw him from a window,” I answered. “He tried to thieve me and that’s what happened.”

I was actually arrested, can you believe.

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121 Responses to “Fighting off Intruders”


  1. 1 Nancy Loderick October 13, 2015 at 19:25

    Hi Professor,

    This is really scary! Perhaps you should have your knives or swords on hand for protection.

    Nancy

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2015 at 20:02

      I think you’re right. They just get so uncomfortable to wear, see.

  2. 3 erinkenobi2893 October 11, 2015 at 12:05

    Oh dear. -_- That’s crazy.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:51

      Come on! You know you’re proud of me, the sudden.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 October 11, 2015 at 17:54

        I am. :-P

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2015 at 19:53

        I would believe you but for that face…!

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 October 13, 2015 at 03:35

        What face? What’s wrong with my face? :-P

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2015 at 19:51

        You keep sticking your tongue out at me!

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 October 13, 2015 at 20:01

        This is my silly grin! :-P My silly and encouraging grin. ;-)

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2015 at 20:05

        Aha! I love it lots, then.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 October 13, 2015 at 20:10

        X-D

  3. 12 walt walker October 10, 2015 at 20:03

    Your home invaded, and now you arrested! What a rotten day.

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:50

      Should I just shout “freedom” and kill them all, Walt?

      • 14 walt walker October 11, 2015 at 18:21

        Yes, and make sure the blood gets everywhere.

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2015 at 19:55

        Even in my shoes?

  4. 16 Susan P October 10, 2015 at 16:42

    You need to be wary now. They will never leave you alone until you or they are vanquished. Then they will chain you to the kitchen force you to work at hard labor.

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:49

      What sort of hard labor? I once heard that cutting carrots is the worse labor ever. However, I’m really not sure, the sudden.

      • 18 Susan P October 11, 2015 at 18:05

        The worst hard labor is the one you hate to do it.

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2015 at 19:54

        I hate most hard labor, you know.

      • 20 Susan P October 12, 2015 at 20:37

        A little bird told me otherwise.

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2015 at 19:40

        Hilary Clinton said little birds lie.

      • 22 Susan P October 13, 2015 at 20:29

        *snort*

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2015 at 12:37

        *snorts too*

      • 24 Susan P October 14, 2015 at 15:09

        Teddy said that was a pathetic snort. He said he can teach you if you like.

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2015 at 19:41

        *laughs* Tell him yes please!

      • 26 Susan P October 14, 2015 at 21:25

        He is glad to help you. It’s one of his strong points.

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke October 20, 2015 at 12:23

        And I must needs work on it.

      • 28 Susan P October 20, 2015 at 13:48

        He is tickled to help you and he will only charge a half hour of puppy massage instead of his normal $100.

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2015 at 12:28

        He’s that expensive? Wow. Must be good. Kay. I’ll massage his ears.

      • 30 Susan P October 21, 2015 at 12:53

        Just watch out because one minute he’s purring and happy and the next you call an ambulance to clean up your blood.

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2015 at 19:19

        *shudders* That bad, huh?

      • 32 Susan P October 21, 2015 at 23:52

        Cats are a lot like the ladies.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke October 22, 2015 at 13:55

        I’ve thought on that before.

      • 34 Susan P October 22, 2015 at 17:44

        Remember: they have claws. But a little kindness goes a long way.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke October 23, 2015 at 02:40

        I shall try to keep this in mind.

      • 36 Susan P October 24, 2015 at 00:25

        Unless they go psycho. Then you need to call in the ninjas.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke October 24, 2015 at 20:23

        I am a ninja of course.

      • 38 Susan P October 24, 2015 at 21:26

        That is where it begins…

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke October 26, 2015 at 20:16

        Yes, I think you’re right.

      • 40 Susan P October 27, 2015 at 00:08

        And you should be the one to end it. Start with a blueberry bush.

  5. 41 L. Marie October 10, 2015 at 15:13

    There is no justice in the world!!! Was the police officer one of LottieOllie’s minions? What could that creature (LottieOllie) want from you?
    Good on you to grab that katana!

    • 42 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:49

      Yes, I did grab it! Should I just dispatch the officer? So tempted…

      • 43 L. Marie October 12, 2015 at 13:22

        Well, with the officer, you still have to go through the motions of the law, even if he’s crooked. But my concern is what happened when you were removed from your house. Did LottieOllie head back and ransack your home while you were away?

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2015 at 20:05

        She wouldn’t! She probably would! Why that little…I need to end her once and for all, you must agree. I’m just not sure how to go about that.

  6. 45 Haylee October 9, 2015 at 22:37

    Keeping a key in a scabbard is a much better idea than swallowing it – which is the dilemma I faced today when one little bright spark decided they wanted to keep me away from their spy journal. He wasn’t looking as clever when I told him we’d have to remove his head to retrieve it. Oooh, I could have really freaked him out if I’d had your katana to hand…

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:41

      *laughing lots and lots* Really? The things you must go through! But I love what you told him about his head. Here’s betting he won’t try that sort of thing again. But come on, Haylee…haven’t you ever been tempted to swallow a key? I know I have.

      • 47 Haylee October 11, 2015 at 19:26

        Oh absolutely! Anything to prevent my friends from reading that I had a crush on Elliot in 6TS when I was 10… But then I watched Saw in later years and the idea never seemed so appealing again!

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2015 at 19:56

        Elliot…is that the dragon from Pete’s Dragon? Then again, if you watch Saw, you must be heartless.

      • 49 Haylee October 12, 2015 at 20:57

        If I was IN Saw I think I’d be heartless! I didn’t watch it for years though – I can be a very sensitive soul. And it didn’t help that we had to call ambulances every week when I worked for a cinema – so many people passed out :/ It’s a very clever plot, I’d have thought you’d approve (on the intelligence, not the gruesome-ness). And as for Elliot, it was ET’s boy – major crush from ages 5-11 :)

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2015 at 19:41

        *laughing* No, I do approve! Saw is rather cool. I’m just giving you a hard time, see. But seriously? People passed out from it?

      • 51 Haylee October 13, 2015 at 19:55

        Professor, you are quite mean!

        But yes, so many people taken to hospital or carried out on a stretcher. Funniest part – men were dragging their girlfriends to see it, yet it was the men who passed out. Every time! Happened with Passion of the Christ too.

        It was all a lot of fuss and nonsense. I was rather inclined just to throw popcorn in their face to bring them round!

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2015 at 20:05

        *laughs* Sorry! I am, you know.

        I find that so interesting! Now, why do you suppose it was the chaps who were passing out? Maybe the ladies hid their eyes.

        *laughing* And you call me wicked!

      • 53 Haylee October 13, 2015 at 20:45

        Hmmm, scientifically I’m going to say it’s because we have a higher pain threshold – you know, because of childbirth and erm…waxing… But yes, most likely all peeking out from behind fingers saved them! Funny little creatures, us humans aren’t we?!

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2015 at 12:39

        *laughing* Like waxing hurts! *considers* Maybe it does.

        We sure are! Except the professor, of course. I’m a heartless warrior. Saw wouldn’t bother me…maybe.

      • 55 Haylee October 14, 2015 at 15:02

        Try watching Saw whilst getting your inner nostrils waxed and we’ll see how warrior like you are… ;)

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2015 at 19:40

        Inner nostrils? Who does that? I refuse to believe that’s a practice. *stomps foot*

      • 57 Haylee October 14, 2015 at 20:24

        I think most tweeze them out individually – waxing just shows how hardcore you are ;)

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke October 20, 2015 at 12:21

        *laughing* The things girls do…

  7. 59 Nimmi October 9, 2015 at 19:43

    Hahaha :D Firstly… You are such a naughty fellow.. an Secondly… No doubt, Professor loves weapons :P Cool huh!! ;)

    • 60 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:40

      Very cool! *laughs* I’m so naught you wouldn’t believe it.

      • 61 Nimmi October 11, 2015 at 17:56

        Really?? So, I will love to see that part of yours too ;)

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2015 at 19:54

        I hide it under the rug, though, see.

      • 63 Nimmi October 13, 2015 at 09:35

        But, that wasn’t prove your naughtiness my dear professor!! ;)

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2015 at 19:55

        Hmm. You might have a point. But…but…oh dear.

      • 65 Nimmi October 14, 2015 at 16:11

        See… I won… ;) The professor don’t have an answer… :D

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2015 at 19:46

        I think you may have won. Dadblameit.

      • 67 Nimmi October 15, 2015 at 15:47

        Hohooo…. :D I’m dancing with joy ;P

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke October 20, 2015 at 12:29

        I’m dancing with the…devil.

      • 69 Nimmi October 20, 2015 at 14:48

        Oh, yeah!! You are dancing with me 😉

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2015 at 12:29

        What are we dancing to?

      • 71 Nimmi October 21, 2015 at 15:47

        Well… I guess it must be METALLICA- Devil’s dance ;) What you say???

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke October 21, 2015 at 19:30

        Ohhhhhh…you know, I’ve never really listened to Metallica?

      • 73 Nimmi October 22, 2015 at 17:52

        Then I recommend you to listen this one, dear!! :)

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke October 23, 2015 at 02:40

        Really?

      • 75 Nimmi October 23, 2015 at 13:47

        Yes yes.. 😊 Listen it once.. you will love it 😉

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke October 24, 2015 at 20:08

        Any song in particular?

      • 77 Nimmi October 24, 2015 at 20:12

        Yes… The one on which we are dancing… Devil’s dance ;)

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke October 24, 2015 at 20:25

        I shall listen! But the professor doesn’t dance, see.

      • 79 Nimmi October 24, 2015 at 20:35

        Yes!! But, we did… Don’t you remember?? :(

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke October 26, 2015 at 20:15

        My memory is a bad thing, you know.

      • 81 Nimmi October 27, 2015 at 16:22

        Hmmm… I know.. That’s why I’m here to remind you ;)

  8. 82 Heartafire October 9, 2015 at 19:14

    I just don’t know how you get yourself caught up in these shenanigans professor. What lies beneath those professorish eyes? I really must know what you are keeping in your desk drawers that lottie is so intent on stealing,
    blackmail perhaps? Money, held back a bit from the sale of the newspaper. Oh, my imagination is running wild, but I want to help you , please forward additional information.

    • 83 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:40

      Oh no, Hollie, this professor can’t say, ’cause then, you might want to take it, too! I’m a vicious beast, you should know. Mostly cranky and wicked, too.

      Well…you’d love it. There. I gave you a hint.

      • 84 Heartafire October 11, 2015 at 21:02

        cherry suckers….hmmm.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2015 at 19:57

        Oh no…guess 2?

      • 86 Heartafire October 13, 2015 at 00:34

        Something in your desk drawer so precious you are having to fight off intruders seeking to unburden you of this very fine item that , you say, I would love. Plus you are cranky and wicked, two characteristics that we have in common, well I’m just going to have to assume that you have a diamond crusted katana that you inherited from you Grandmama in Kyoto.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2015 at 19:50

        *mouth drops* Goodness me. That is a fantastic guess, don’t you know. If I had one…would you steal it? *narrows professorish eyes*

      • 88 Heartafire October 13, 2015 at 19:53

        in a heartbeat, need you ask? I am wicked afterall.

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2015 at 20:04

        You are wicked! I won’t show you, then.

      • 90 Heartafire October 13, 2015 at 21:55

        be that way….

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2015 at 12:40

        You’ll steal it anyway, I’m thinking.

      • 92 Heartafire October 14, 2015 at 14:10

        I have such a wicked reputation. With the Pinchy Lands

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2015 at 19:39

        You absolutely do. But that’s a good thing, mind you.

      • 94 Heartafire October 14, 2015 at 19:48

        oh, look, spellcheck got me again! Pinhcy Land sound fun though.

  9. 95 Debbie October 9, 2015 at 17:20

    Thieves!! Yikes, Professor, what were you keeping in your desk to attract the likes of Black-Jack and Lottie?? And why must stairs creak at the most inopportune times?!!

    • 96 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:39

      Stairs must hate me, Debbie! But I can’t tell you what I keep in there. It’s such a good mystery, don’t you know. You’d just love it.

  10. 97 John W. Howell October 9, 2015 at 16:50

    You should have dragged him back inside. Then it would be defending your domain. Of course you would have to keep him unconscious.

    • 98 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:39

      I could maybe tie him in a chair and hit him about the head every so often. But I’d have to put him to work. You know, to make him useful.

      • 99 John W. Howell October 11, 2015 at 20:17

        Put him on a treadmill attached to a generator. Free electricity

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2015 at 19:57

        Nice! I should do that. I’ll send you 30% of the electricity ’cause you had the idea.

      • 101 John W. Howell October 12, 2015 at 21:33

        Thanks

  11. 102 desertdweller29 October 9, 2015 at 15:33

    Dadblameit, Professor! What happened to hiring a butler, I say? You just insist on getting your hands dirty, don’t you!

    • 103 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:36

      But isn’t it the funnest when your hands are the dirtiest?

  12. 104 PorterGirl October 9, 2015 at 15:17

    Good to know you took his cool gun! Well this is an awful lot of excitement for a Friday. I may have to have a sit down, a bit. That Lottie always seems to escape when all the real action is going on, I say she is nothing but a coward. But a wily one, so – watch out, Professor!

    • 105 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:33

      Yes, she’s a horrible coward. Should I go with the police dude? I’m thinking I’ll just get all vicious on them. Kill everything I see. Something like that at least.

      • 106 PorterGirl October 12, 2015 at 06:19

        I think the police chap is highly suspect as well! I mean, what was he doing outside your house at that hour? It’s a fit-up, I tells ya!

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2015 at 20:03

        Aha! Is he in on it, too? The bugger. I’ll fetch his eyes out and send them to you.

      • 108 PorterGirl October 13, 2015 at 06:16

        I wouldn’t mind betting that he is. I know these types, see. Please do – I shall add them to my collection.
        (Incidentally – there is a place not far from me called Eye and when they have their summer show, there are signs up everywhere saying ‘Come to the Eye show!’ and I always imagine there are hundreds of eyes all lined out for people to look at.)

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2015 at 19:52

        *laughing lots* You could sell they eyes there then, I say. They might give you a good price, if I can get them out intact.

      • 110 PorterGirl October 13, 2015 at 20:17

        That’s a great plan! I shall split the profits with you.

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2015 at 12:34

        60% to 40%!

      • 112 PorterGirl October 14, 2015 at 18:14

        In my favour, of course.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke October 14, 2015 at 19:49

        Um…huff–hum to you!

      • 114 PorterGirl October 15, 2015 at 07:28

        *laughs* I am so wicked!

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke October 20, 2015 at 12:27

        Horribly so!

  13. 116 FictionFan October 9, 2015 at 14:49

    The keys are in the scabbard – brilliant ruse! I’m very proud of you suddenly! But… how can you be sure LO’s really gone? Perhaps she is hiding in the Professorial wardrobe! And what exactly does the Professor keep in his desk that is soooooo exciting? I bet it’s a treasure map!

    The policeman was clearly in the pay of the bad guys – you’ll need to break out and go on the run, I fear, till you can get to the bottom of the whole thing! #JustLikeTomCruise *sw…faints*

    • 117 Professor VJ Duke October 11, 2015 at 17:32

      *laughs* I actually do keep the keys in the scabbard, can you believe. But still, it was brilliant. In my wardrobe? How could she do that? If she’s in the closet, I’ll fetch her out, when I need a jacket or something. I’m not telling!!

      *laughs* A hashtag! I’m just like Tom Cruise, too. Can’t I just kill the policeman?

      • 118 FictionFan October 11, 2015 at 22:46

        Oh! *makes note for future burglarious purposes* Why couldn’t she? Is she too tall? Too wide? Both? *wide eyes* I don’t think she’d make a very good jacket. Not even if I wheedle?

        Nah, you’re more like Colin Firth. No, you cannot, sir! But you can knock his hat off and stamp on it, if you like…

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke October 12, 2015 at 19:59

        Now you’re asking me for her dimensions,and you’ll only blame me if I tell you. *holds tongue* Isn’t wheedle a bug that gets under one’s skin?

        I am not! He’s…he’s…ugly. That’s too girly. I must do something more wicked.

      • 120 FictionFan October 12, 2015 at 22:41

        Aha! That must mean she’s gorgeous! Thought as much! Is it?! Well, I’m pretty sure I’m not a bug!

        But you keep telling me you’re an orc, so…

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke October 13, 2015 at 19:44

        I don’t notice such things like that, don’t you know. *laughs* It’d be cool to be a bug!

        But orcs are…wait. I trapped myself, didn’t I?


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