Fats Henry’s Party

So, the professor was going to a party.

In truth, this is true.

And I was going with a girl who had thrown me out of her store.

Now, here’s a truth: The professor is heartless. But I was going, see, because the girl’s sister–who was also going to the party–was going with Mark Malone.

Always fun to have quality spying time.

I was going to spy. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come from my spying.

So, we were to meet outside the tea shop.

I was there five minutes early.

It’s always good to be a bit early, see.

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Tea shop

Now here’s the thing: I waited outside the tea shop for ages.

Nothing.

Then, more sudden than rain in the winter, a yellow car pulled around the corner and stopped in front of the tea shop.

The window rolled down.

It was Malone. Mark Malone.

“Jump in, good fellow,” he said.

I got in the back.

The girl was sitting there. Her older sister was in the front, and Mark was driving. A wonder.

The car zoomed off.

This professor, then, had to ask a hard question. I turned to the girl. “What’s your name? I should know, see.”

“Oh,” she said; then brusquely: “Clara.”

Clara…Clara Higgins. While I was working out whether that named worked together or not, Mark called out:

“Nice car, isn’t it, Professor?”

“Very nice,” I answered. “But here’s the thing: I wasn’t aware you had passed your driving test.”

He laughed; the girls were silent; we plodded on; we got to the party; we went in.

Now, as soon as we went in, there was a chap there, taking garments and whatnot.

The girls and Mark did their duty, then went upstairs.

I gave the chap my hat.

“Guard it with your lives,” I said.

“Why, sir, important?”

“Not really. But I’d hate to lose it.”

Then I was in the party.

Now the cool thing was this: The girls and Mark had disappeared, so I was sorta on my own.

Capital.

It kinda looked like this.

It kinda looked like this.

I ran into Fats Henry first.

“Why, why, why,” he boomed. “Look who it is! Who invited you here? Not that you’re not welcome…I’m just curious!”

“Look here,” I said, “the people who invited me have disappeared and I really don’t want to find them.”

Before much else could be said, music started, and then…dancing.

I retreated to a back corner and hid. From my view, I saw Clara looking for me. Mark was gone. And that was an interest.

The professor had to find him.

I went back outside… He was getting in his car!

His car looked like this.

His car looked like this.

 

Faster than a winking from a goose, I jumped on the back. Just in time too, the car took off at a killer speed.

I pulled my ka-bar from my belt and got a good grip. Something to hang on to, see. And the hole was quite small. I doubt anyone would ever notice.

Now, I’m embarrassed to say, as the car went–fastly fast–around a corner, my knife unplugged from the hole and I fell off.

Mark Malone had escaped.

I blame my knife, of course.

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110 Responses to “Fats Henry’s Party”


  1. 1 PorterGirl November 9, 2015 at 11:47

    I say, what a super car Mr Malone has! Although I bet it is difficult to keep clean. And the bugger got away from you – pah! Still – it looks like quite a good party so you could always just forget about everything and dance the night away with Clara.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke November 9, 2015 at 19:14

      Isn’t that some car? I put a hole in it, though. Pity he made me do it. But this professor can’t dance. If I danced why…then I’d be romantic!

      • 3 PorterGirl November 9, 2015 at 20:22

        Well a car like that is just asking for ahole to be put in it, I say. IIt’s his own fault. Oh is that so? Of course, we both know that you never, ever dance.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke November 10, 2015 at 13:43

        I think you’re right. If it wasn’t so shiny, people wouldn’t want to see what would happen when it was poked. That’s my theory, see.

        Never ever! I’m too wicked to dance, too.

      • 5 PorterGirl November 10, 2015 at 15:13

        It’s a sound theory and no doubt is backed up by science of every kind.
        Well, of course! Far too wickedly wicked. I am completely and totally convinced by what you say.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke November 10, 2015 at 18:34

        Hm…*laughing* You don’t sound it, the sudden!

      • 7 PorterGirl November 10, 2015 at 19:57

        *laughing lots* I shall say no more. Apart from how lovely you are *laughs*

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2015 at 21:43

        *throws a book of Chopin Nocturnes at Lucy*

      • 9 PorterGirl November 12, 2015 at 07:05

        *laughing lots* Actually, this could come in handy. Thanks!

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke November 12, 2015 at 14:17

        What will you do with it? I must have it back!

      • 11 PorterGirl November 12, 2015 at 16:51

        I shall… spank you with it! *laughs*

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:32

        *laughing* Poor Chopin!

      • 13 PorterGirl November 13, 2015 at 17:01

        *laughing lots*

  2. 14 Simply Skeptical November 8, 2015 at 23:14

    Professor she is looking for you. Are you to remain in hiding from Clara? What’s to come of it? Isn’t sneaking around difficult?

    • 15 Professor VJ Duke November 9, 2015 at 19:10

      Nah, I’m a great sneaker. She’s always looking for something, like most girls, see.

  3. 16 Haylee November 8, 2015 at 20:03

    Reblogged this on Aloada Bobbins and commented:

    Ah, The Professor, VJ Duke himself… what can I say? Random? Yes. Delightful and quirky? Yes. An utterly bonkers corner of the blogosphere? I think so and I love it! Since being introduced after he popped along to my blog, he’s become my top commenter (because he does love a good chinwag with everyone) and I’ve stepped into his crazy world of wonderful characters. I may have entered half way through a weird movie plot, but it’s a pleasure to read. Go and visit The Punchy lands right now!
    *Please visit author’s site to comment!*

    • 17 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2015 at 21:30

      Haylee! No way. Thanks bunches! I’m so honored, you know. *doesn’t blush because he’s heartless*

      • 18 Haylee November 8, 2015 at 21:53

        My pleasure! If more people were as heartless as you, the world would surely be a nicer place ;)

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke November 9, 2015 at 19:10

        *laughs* That’s not possible…I’m a filthy mean thing.

      • 20 Haylee November 9, 2015 at 20:13

        Then your facade is impeccable, one would never guess!

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke November 10, 2015 at 13:41

        *laughs* Well…I…well…I…dadblameit.

  4. 22 jeanixAngel November 7, 2015 at 00:33

    Wow! Why she invited you and then at the end left you? Does professor planning for revenge? Hmmnn..

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2015 at 21:22

      Revenge! I love revenge. But…don’t you think I left her?

      • 24 jeanixAngel November 9, 2015 at 01:16

        I assumed you did… :D .

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke November 9, 2015 at 19:13

        And you don’t think it’s wicked of me? Capital, I say.

  5. 26 Lady Dunamis November 6, 2015 at 21:48

    I take it you have abandonment issues….leaving your date and all. Tsk, tsk. I must admit it was rude and crude. Sure it won’t be the last time you here from the sisters. 😈 👈 this is you PVJ

    • 27 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2015 at 23:04

      That is me! Only, I’m not purple. Now, do you suppose they’ll take revenge? I’m so unromantic, see, that I do such things. I’m sure she didn’t mind. Did she? I don’t know. Girls are confusing and you know it!

      • 28 Lady Dunamis November 7, 2015 at 04:04

        Umerah…she didn’t mind? Watch your back buddy.

        I must say you are quite masterful in your manipulation but buyer beware. Your comeuppance might be around the corner, but then again since you write these stories I don’t expect to see you in jail or caught anytime soon. Lol!

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2015 at 21:23

        She said she didn’t, at least!

        *laughing* Now, now, certainly they can’t send me to jail for what I’ve done?

  6. 30 Debbie November 6, 2015 at 19:21

    Professor, do you always pack a knife when you go to parties?? That’s a puzzlement, you know. And part of me feels truly sorry for Clara, being ditched so unceremoniously by the date she invited — guess she’s not much worse off than her sister, who also appears to have been dumped! But Mark’s car is snazzy, and the mental image of you hanging on for dear life — then toppling off without your prized hat — seems a fitting end to the party somehow!

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2015 at 23:03

      Oh yes. Always. Aren’t you proud of me? It’s safer that way, see.

      *laughs* I was hanging on for dear life, it is true.

      Do you suppose I should go back and apologize to Clara? I bet she didn’t miss me. I don’t like to be mean, though.

      • 32 Susan P November 7, 2015 at 15:54

        A smart man would run and keep on running.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2015 at 21:25

        But I’m dull and you know it!

      • 34 Susan P November 8, 2015 at 23:17

        As a just sharpened knife.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke November 9, 2015 at 19:11

        Now that is a cool way to say the opposite, madam. Well done!

      • 36 Susan P November 9, 2015 at 20:12

        I didn’t do it.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke November 10, 2015 at 13:40

        And I know George didn’t…so you must’ve!

      • 38 Susan P November 10, 2015 at 21:47

        Nope. I saw a young girl with red hair there.

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2015 at 21:47

        What’s her name?

      • 40 Susan P November 12, 2015 at 03:09

        Little Lotty.

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke November 12, 2015 at 14:15

        Did she have a huge sucker?

      • 42 Susan P November 13, 2015 at 01:44

        She had it hiding behind her back.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:47

        *snaps fingers* I knew it.

  7. 44 Heartafire November 6, 2015 at 16:25

    Ah, poor clara, scarred for life, thrown under the bus, or screaming Porsche!
    Are there no ends you won’t go to Professor…with not one thought to your boiler. I come not to judge but to praise. Wicked.

    • 45 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2015 at 22:58

      *laughs* It was very wicked. But…I can’t go dancing with her! That would mean I had a heart, and I clearly don’t. And what if she falls in love with me?

  8. 46 Nimmi November 6, 2015 at 16:12

    Hahaha…. Great!! Looks like a fun party… After all the Professor is goin’ there…by giving so much trouble to his mates.. ;)

    • 47 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2015 at 22:57

      Isn’t it great? I can destroy parties. Now, was I mean to Clara do you think?

      • 48 Nimmi November 7, 2015 at 15:52

        Hahaha :D
        The Professor is like a bull in a china shop ;P
        Oh, Yes! I think you are… little… However, in the end it’s the professor right! So, expected ;)

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2015 at 21:25

        See? I’m just. And a wonder. A wonder of a beast, you must admit.

      • 50 Nimmi November 10, 2015 at 18:58

        Hahaha :D
        Well… It’s hard to admit, for me at least.. however, if you are insisting then ;P

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2015 at 21:40

        I probably have tusks or horns.

      • 52 Nimmi November 12, 2015 at 19:51

        Really??? I doubt.. I need to see, if I have to believe! ;)

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:46

        Well, they’re disappeared right now.

      • 54 Nimmi November 13, 2015 at 19:25

        Hahahah :D Good Answer!! ;)

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke November 15, 2015 at 00:24

        *bows*

      • 56 Susan P November 7, 2015 at 16:05

        Any toddler can destroy a party. Just sayin’.

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2015 at 21:25

        Imagine a professor toddler!

      • 58 Susan P November 8, 2015 at 23:16

        My mind boggles.

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke November 9, 2015 at 19:10

        Impressive isn’t it?

      • 60 Susan P November 9, 2015 at 20:10

        What?? My mind?

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke November 10, 2015 at 13:40

        Um, yes, of course!

      • 62 Susan P November 10, 2015 at 21:47

        Glares. Just what did you mean ?

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2015 at 21:47

        I meant…you have…an…impressive…mind!

      • 64 Susan P November 12, 2015 at 03:11

        *squinty glare*

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke November 12, 2015 at 14:16

        *hides*

      • 66 Susan P November 13, 2015 at 01:45

        Gets out flash light

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:48

        Not too bright, I hope.

      • 68 Susan P November 17, 2015 at 01:31

        Oh! I’m sorry. I had no idea that George wanted to play with the light.

  9. 69 FictionFan November 6, 2015 at 15:14

    You dumped poor Clara?!! Why, you heartless thing, you! And she was so obviously on the point of falling in love – that often cause brusqueness. To think you could have spent the evening dancing with her and her weird hair too! Now, the important point – before you harpooned Mark’s car (*laughs lots*) did you remember to pick up your hat?! I’d hate to think that poor chap was still guarding it…

    • 70 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2015 at 22:57

      Haha! (That’s my victorious laugh, you know, you know.) I told you I was heartless, didn’t I? I warned you, didn’t I? I can’t help it, see. Wait…that’s why she was brusque? Girls! I’d never have known. Her hair isn’t that bad! It’s kinda…different.

      My hat! Dadblameit! I completely forgot! That fool still has it. Oh rats. Now I have to go back and get it. Double-dadblameit. Mark deserved that, you know.

      • 71 FictionFan November 7, 2015 at 18:08

        *laughs* But what will you do the next time you need tea? I fear you will be drinking a lot more coffee in future. Aha! So you like her hair, do you? The first step towards falling in love…

        *shakes head* So forgetful! But at your age I suppose that’s to be expected. You’d better hurry – he might give it to someone else… it would look good on my Schwarzy, I think!

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2015 at 21:27

        Well, I’ll go right back to the store and buy it, and try not to get too embarrassed. Maybe I’ll send you instead, if you don’t mind, of course. *clears throat* I am not! Dadblameit.

        Schwarz would probably give it back to me. He’s sweet like that.

      • 73 FictionFan November 9, 2015 at 17:10

        Oh yes, I’ll go! I might laugh at her weird hair though. But I shall assess her potential as Professorial girlfriend material and let you know… so hold off on the falling in love stuff till I give you permission, OK?

        He is sweet, isn’t he? So sweet he might give it to me instead…

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke November 9, 2015 at 19:19

        You’d laugh at her hair? That’d be so hilarious. Now, how will you know if she’s good material? Not that I’m interested, of course.

        Yes, he might. I’ll steal it back, tho!

      • 75 FictionFan November 10, 2015 at 00:11

        Well, she’d have to be very special if she was to be worthy of my C-W-W! So I’d want to see that she was polite and neat and pretty, and liked guitar music, and was a good dancer. And that she had excellent taste in men’s attire, since no doubt she’d get the task of dealing with Professorial outfits. And I’d want to sound out her opinion on facial hair. Of course, she must like chocolate and be determined to keep the Professor on track with his TBR. And it would be important to assess her warrior skills, since she will no doubt have to battle the legion of girls that catch the Professorial eye on a daily basis. *sighs* I’m not sure there’s a girl out there with all the necessary attributes!

        *gasps* I’d stomp on it first!

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke November 10, 2015 at 13:58

        *laughing* Goodness, all of that? That is a task for anything! But since I’m not marrying, you’ll just have to do it all. Except the TBR bit. We maybe should forget about a TBR, in truth. And…why must she eat chocolate? And girls don’t catch my eye!

        Don’t you feel a bit wicked, the sudden?

      • 77 FictionFan November 10, 2015 at 18:06

        Oh… well, OK, but I’m not sure I could manage the polite bit. And of course we can’t forget the TBR – see, that’s exactly why we need a girl who can be tough about this issue! Girls who don’t eat chocolate are bound to be cranky all the time – you don’t want that, surely? Hah! *disbelieving stare*

        *laughs wickedly* Yes! Isn’t it great?

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke November 10, 2015 at 18:49

        But girls are always cranky! Unless, they have something up their sleeve. Like a spider, for instance. Now, now. No disbelieving. Would I lie? Of course not! *holds ears*

        I don’t know. I’m always so sweet, see.

      • 79 FictionFan November 11, 2015 at 01:45

        Perhaps that’s just the effect you have on them! Aaaaaaarrgh! I’d be more than cranky if I had a spider up my sleeve – I’d be dead!! *shouts loudly* Yes, you would, you outrageous flirt!!

        *snorts – like Kenny, only more musically*

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2015 at 21:55

        *laughing* Even if it was a tiny winy spider? Yes, girls hate me. It’s official. The report card just came in from the analysts. Still can’t hear you, the sudden.

        *eyes squint*

      • 81 FictionFan November 12, 2015 at 01:44

        Yep, even then! And you’d laugh! *glares* Oh what do the analysts know – I bet they’re just jealous!

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke November 12, 2015 at 14:10

        Just a little laugh! All you’d have to do is squish it. Sometimes, that’s what I think!

  10. 83 Freakishly Fangirlish November 6, 2015 at 15:10

    All the same, sounds like it was a fun party!

    • 84 Professor VJ Duke November 6, 2015 at 22:55

      You know, Em, it was overall, I think. A bit beastly. And I enjoyed knifing his car, you know.

      • 85 Susan P November 7, 2015 at 16:06

        Just imagine how much fun you might have had knifed her ear.

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2015 at 21:26

        Well, I’d probably be arrested. But yes! Might’ve been cool, you know.

      • 87 Susan P November 8, 2015 at 23:18

        You would never make it.

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke November 9, 2015 at 19:12

        That’s what they said when I jumped out of a plane.

      • 89 Susan P November 9, 2015 at 20:12

        Were you in the air?

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke November 10, 2015 at 13:41

        Floating around doing nothing, probably.

      • 91 Susan P November 10, 2015 at 21:46

        I heard rumors of a hot air balloon race.

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2015 at 21:47

        With me winning, of course.

      • 93 Susan P November 12, 2015 at 03:09

        What race ?

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke November 12, 2015 at 14:15

        Umm…all of them put together!

      • 95 Susan P November 13, 2015 at 01:43

        All in one room?

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:47

        Outside of course.

      • 97 Susan P November 17, 2015 at 01:34

        It does get hot when you are dancing.

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 14:05

        And one is always stuck in a suit. See? Doesn’t make sense, dancing doesn’t.

      • 99 Freakishly Fangirlish November 7, 2015 at 22:58

        Haha, of course. I love destroying things also, especially when they belong to a jerk. :P

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke November 8, 2015 at 21:29

        *laughs* Me too! It’s such a fun pastime.

      • 101 Freakishly Fangirlish November 9, 2015 at 16:51

        It really is. One of my favorites, along with stalking hot bands online. XD

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke November 9, 2015 at 19:18

        Hot bands! Okay, what’s your fav band at the moment?

      • 103 Freakishly Fangirlish November 10, 2015 at 17:19

        Hmm. Pbb Ed Sheeran. But I love Sleeping with Sirens and 5sos also

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke November 10, 2015 at 18:48

        I thought you were going to say Hunter H!

      • 105 Freakishly Fangirlish November 11, 2015 at 21:06

        He’s still my baby, of course, but I’ve moved on to more emo, dark, soulful music recently. :P

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke November 11, 2015 at 22:01

        *nods* Must be your new mood, I say.

      • 107 Freakishly Fangirlish November 12, 2015 at 15:31

        Probably. Life hasn’t been treating me too well lately, which accounts for my newfound love for scream-o music. :P

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:31

        Well, I do hope everything is okay. Life has a way of just vexing us, huh?

      • 109 Freakishly Fangirlish November 13, 2015 at 20:48

        Ah, yes. God has a funny sense of humour. :P

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke November 15, 2015 at 00:24

        *nods* Let’s just throw water balloons.


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