The Announcement Party

How are facts accepted? Through constant validation and testing? Sadly not. Through lies.

~ V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet


The professor made it to Prince Beef’s announcement party five minutes early.


Ohhhhh…I do think it’s the Titanic’s staircase.

“Sir, can I take…?”

And the butler chap trailed off, I fear.

He couldn’t take anything, see–no coat or hat–well, because I was a bit underdressed.

But not in a bad way, mind you! It was obviously a dressy party. Of course, this professor had no clue.

“You must have a tie at least to go in,” the butler said.

He got me one; I put it on; I looked odd wearing a tie with a t-shirt; I didn’t mind.

Now, most of all the guests were gathered in the main hall. In a big mass, see.

They were waiting for the announcement.

So was this professor, I suppose.

“Why, sir!”

It was Mr. Ratherquite. Lady-less, too, I fear. (See, Mr. Ratherquite always has two ladies hanging on him.)

“Mr. Ratherquite,” I said, “this professor is sort of interested to see you.”

I didn’t want to lie.

“Sir,” he said, puffing out his puffy mid-section, “you forgot your dress shirt.”

“Dadblameit!” I said. “You’re right. It’s in the car. Oh well. Guess this is me for tonight.”

Mr. Ratherquite lifted an eyebrow.

“Sir,” he said, “I know you can go back to your car. Sir, don’t be rude and crude. Sir, I know this.”

“Rats and a Heifer!” this professor said. “You’ve fetched me out.”

At that minute, everyone quieted and the lights dimmed.

“About time,” Mr. Ratherquite muttered. “I can’t wait any longer for this.”

Then, amidst the total silence, the click-clacking of heels on a hard floor could be heard.

Prince Beef appeared.

And he was dressed foppishly, I fear.


Something like that. Only, he doesn’t look like that. Hope that makes some sense.

See, for one thing, Prince Beef was wearing heels. He’s also rather skinny, and tall. (Even though, Prince Beef is called Beef, he’s not beefy, see.) The prince also had a feather in his hat.

Prince Beef stepped up to a mic.

“The announcement,” he said, “is this: I shall wed Gertrude. That’s it. You may all go home.”

And he left.

The crowd started murmuring, then shouting.

All that for this; all this for that? That was the war-cry, see.

What a humdinger.


This professor made his way–pushed ruthlessly through the angry mob leaving, rather–out of the main hall and into the kitchens.

You see, and that’s when I saw something I probably shouldn’t have: Two fellows sneaking along the back wall, heading for the stairs…

I followed.

PL Symbol



69 Responses to “The Announcement Party”

  1. 1 Sonya Solomonovich November 17, 2015 at 01:44

    And all this time I thought Prince Beef was beefy! *mind blown*

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 14:06

      *laughing* He’s not, can you believe! What a wonder.

  2. 3 bardictale November 13, 2015 at 13:39

    Where was your hat, dear sir? You never let me take it, because you said that you must always wear it.
    It seems that the poet was correct.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:49

      I left it somewhere! At that other party, I think. *hangs head* I’ve lost it, Bard!

      • 5 bardictale November 14, 2015 at 16:01

        Oh dear. I’ll find you a different one.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke November 15, 2015 at 00:28

        Yes, please!

  3. 7 Simply Skeptical November 13, 2015 at 00:14

    T-shirt and tie nice…..Mr. R. tends to be too prim & proper you must have speaks with him Professor! giggles

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:46

      I must get him a bit ruder, it’s true. But I don’t have an ideas on the subject!

  4. 9 Debbie November 12, 2015 at 19:40

    Not much of a party, was it, Professor?? To expect folks to get all gussied up and then make a quick announcement and shoo them off — why, that strikes me as a bit rude, don’t you know.

    Where were Mr. R’s ladies? Perhaps they had an inside tip that this party wasn’t worth attending. Perhaps next time, if you’re nice, they’ll share such tips with you!

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:46

      Very rude! So rude, in fact, I think I should ruin PB’s wedding. Can I do that, please?

      Aha! Do you suppose they knew? Maybe they did! The beasts.

  5. 11 John W. Howell November 12, 2015 at 17:53

    OOOH a mystery. I love them.

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:37

      Mysteries are tops. But I can never solve them.

      • 13 John W. Howell November 13, 2015 at 21:27

        I know what you mean.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke November 15, 2015 at 00:25

        We’re hopeless, John.

      • 15 John W. Howell November 15, 2015 at 12:09


      • 16 Professor VJ Duke November 16, 2015 at 14:54

        *laughing* Let’s just pretend we won.

      • 17 John W. Howell November 16, 2015 at 15:32


      • 18 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 14:00

        Now I feel good.

      • 19 John W. Howell November 17, 2015 at 15:53

        That is perfect. We can end this string as well. :-)

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 21:37

        *laughs* Too bad. Sometimes it’s fun to end rottenly.

  6. 21 walt walker November 12, 2015 at 17:50

    You own a t-shirt?

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:37

      Yes, but it has a hole in it’s neck. When I gnaw on it, see.

      • 23 walt walker November 13, 2015 at 20:16

        Interesting. You must look a zombie-ish when you do that.

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke November 15, 2015 at 00:24

        And a bit warriorish, you know.

  7. 25 FictionFan November 12, 2015 at 17:14

    Ooooh! *fans herself vigorously* For a moment there, I thought you’d gone in your Barsoom outfit! Are you sure those are the stairs in the Titanic? They look awfully dry considering…

    You can’t imply that Henry VIII was a fop! People have been beheaded for less! Though he does usually marry them first… *fears for the Professor*

    Mic!!! Mic was at the party!! It’s so good to hear about him – he’s been missing for so long I feared he’d been abducted by aliens! Perhaps you and Clara could have a double wedding with Prince Beef and Gertrude…

    Who’s Dion Lewis?

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:34

      Oh this professor doesn’t have a Barroom outfit. So, all’s well on this front. *laughs* Before it sank, of course!

      But he’s not alive, so I can get away with it. Marry him? Haha. I’d scalp his beard off!

      Oh no, that’d get scary. Haven’t you told me that when a women is scorned bad things happen? Well, I think Clara hates me, see. Poor Mic. You killed him, you know.

      *laughs* He’s a RB for the Pats. Just got injured, though. Small guy. But quick and good.

      • 27 FictionFan November 13, 2015 at 18:07

        You don’t? I’m so glad! I have to think of my blood pressure, you know, you know…

        But the Tower of London is still there and Lizzie might throw you into the dungeons…

        She only hates you because you were so rude and crude. Show her your charming side and she’ll be happy to make up – you’ll see! And then I can buy a new hat for the wedding!! Me?!! I did not! I’d never kill Mic – he’s so lovely! It’s you that’s always had it in for him… *glares*

        What happened? Did the Gronk sit on him?

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke November 15, 2015 at 00:19

        It’s possible to kill that way? Goodness. We must never take you to Mars, then.

        Lizzie? Is she the queen? I hope that makes Darby happy.

        No she won’t! Probably won’t even talk to me. Which is good. Otherwise…scalp. Mic and I are best buds. Been together since we’ve been little ticks.

        *laughs* No! He tore his ACL. *sad*

      • 29 FictionFan November 15, 2015 at 19:30

        Oh, but I could go and stay with Mark while you go off and flirt with Dejah…

        *laughs lots* I’m trying to imagine Darby dancing with Queen Liz…

        Oh, I hope she does then! *waits for the scalping* Yes… close together…


      • 30 Professor VJ Duke November 16, 2015 at 14:57

        I think I’d go with the green martians and join their battalion, see.

        That’d be so scary, I don’t want to even think on it. *hides*

        Hey! Be peaceable. Starts singing: So close…

        You don’t care! But the Pats are still undefeated. Nice.

      • 31 FictionFan November 16, 2015 at 20:05

        You’ll find Nick there, with his 4 exceptionally long arms…


        *gasps* You’d better not be singing to Claaaaaaaaara!! You don’t get to do that till the end of the movie!

        I do! I was showing womanly sympathy…

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 14:02

        I didn’t know he had four arms! *laughs*

        My movie ended so long ago, you wouldn’t believe. I think it was about 15 minutes in all.

        *laughs* Okay, then. I believe you, the sudden.

      • 33 FictionFan November 17, 2015 at 19:05

        That’s because you missed the comment where I suggested he must be a thark if he could film the top of your head…

        Aww! Poor you! I hope they make a sequel…

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 21:42

        Oh that’s right! *laughs* Don’t Tharks have six arms?

        It’s actually going to be a prequel, see. Much more interesting things happened before I bounced on the scene.

      • 35 FictionFan November 18, 2015 at 17:31

        Not unless they walk on their hands…

        Oh, but surely you’ve been around for ever?

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2015 at 21:45

        No, sadly not. Only since the pyramids.

  8. 37 Chris White November 12, 2015 at 16:18

    Gertrude … Gertrudes never go down very well in my experience. Good luck with the follows. Following fellows or fellow following. Who knows.

    • 38 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:31

      You mean the name? *nods* I know what you’re saying. It’s a bit scary. For a name. I hope they’re stealing things, you know.

  9. 39 Heartafire November 12, 2015 at 15:50

    I am left with my own pathetic interpretation of ths spectacle. I imagined that Gertrude is actually Prince Beef, if so, this announcement is quite forthright and admirable (très chic outfit). I wish them very best and a very large closet. :-).

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:31

      *laughing lots* Imagine that! He’s trying to marry himself. We should stop him, Hollie.

      • 41 Heartafire November 13, 2015 at 16:32

        I am so lame. Stop him professor…or not.

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:51

        You are not! Maybe we should do it together?

      • 43 Heartafire November 13, 2015 at 16:53

        Lets do it together professor. We definitely need to intervene cause that’s what we do.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke November 15, 2015 at 00:14

        That is what we do! With laser guns. *hands Hollie one*

  10. 45 PorterGirl November 12, 2015 at 14:45

    What very wise words from Mr Shnodgrate today, I must say. I have noted them down to discuss them with my highbrow friends. Okay, I don’t have any highbrow friends, but I think I know a fellow who could handle such a conversation.
    Now – WHERE ARE THE LADIES?? Sorry to shout, but I am in a state of shock. Maybe they have found another gentleman to bother. Does this mean there is an opening for a replacement lady or two? I can giggle convincingly and look shocked at the smallest thing, if that helps.
    Prince Beef sounds rather a fop in that get-up. Gertrude must be a very tolerant woman. But what an exciting announcement! And what are those chaps up to? Now, I am so excited.

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:30

      *laughing* Yes, when Mr. Shnod starts going off like that I just forget about him. Sorta flick him away, as it were. I’m not highbrow enough to think on it.

      Oh dear no! You mean you’d volunteer to be one of his ladies? Lucy! You wouldn’t! Would you? Goodness. I’m not sure where they went to. Maybe the mmovies?

      PB is definitely a fop, I say. Gertrude, I think, is Schwarz’s sister. Those chaps…probably thieving!

      • 47 PorterGirl November 13, 2015 at 17:01

        I am very lowbrow, it is true.It is the lack of height that does it, I think.
        Would it be so bad to be one of his ladies, do you think? They just seem to go to parties and giggle. I could do that. What else does he do with them?
        Schwarz is about to become royalty, in that case! That’s brilliant!

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke November 15, 2015 at 00:16

        You know, I’m not sure what else he does with them. There have been rumors. Scary rumors. It’s all hush-hush, see. You might need to ask one of them, see.

        Schwarz as royalty! Goodness. That’s a scary thought.

      • 49 PorterGirl November 15, 2015 at 11:04

        Now I need to know. I should go undercover as a Lady to find out, I am thinking *laughs*
        Terrifying, in fact!

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke November 16, 2015 at 14:50

        *laughing* You might end up…throat punching him!

      • 51 PorterGirl November 16, 2015 at 15:17

        Very true! But that would fetch him good and proper, I think.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 13:59

        It sure would, but he might call you rude, you know. And crude.

      • 53 PorterGirl November 17, 2015 at 14:35

        I am both. And I shall demonstrate this with gusto, should he wish. The bugger.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 21:34

        *laughing lots* I love how you just admitted it.

      • 55 PorterGirl November 18, 2015 at 07:10

        It is a tough thing to deny, in truth.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2015 at 21:36

        I could probably deny it, if I put my mind to it.

      • 57 PorterGirl November 19, 2015 at 09:41

        *laughs* *holds ears*

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke November 20, 2015 at 14:37


  11. 59 Lady Dunamis November 12, 2015 at 14:21

    Dude! You and these cliffhangers! Please tell me that you saw one of these 👉👽.

    Oh I get it. You like the knee jerk responses from your readers. PVJ, it sounds like you have an addiction and are in need of an intervention- minus the drama of which you are addicted to of course.

    • 60 Professor VJ Duke November 12, 2015 at 14:22

      Nah, I don’t think it was an alien. Don’t worry, the story continues tomorrow. Maybe with another cliffhanger. Aren’t aliens supposed to be green?

      *laughs* I’m not addicted to drama! Only girls are. One of the chaps is Schwarz. There. I’ve cheated for you.

  12. 61 Susan P November 12, 2015 at 13:48

    Well, then. I was hoping for some dancing. It seems a bit disappointing. I was prepared to dance and offer you a cherry in the middle of some cashews! Alas.

    • 62 Professor VJ Duke November 12, 2015 at 14:20

      A cherry in the middle of cashews? Wow. Capital. Can you offer that now? A party is better without dancing, I find.

      • 63 Susan P November 13, 2015 at 01:47

        As many as you desire.

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke November 13, 2015 at 16:48

        And no dancing?

      • 65 Susan P November 17, 2015 at 01:28

        Dancing for those who like to. That is my last offer.

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 14:04

        Accepted. See? that was easy.

      • 67 Susan P November 18, 2015 at 22:41

        I see some frowns among the ladies.

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke November 20, 2015 at 14:34

        I don’t see why! I accepted the request, after all.

      • 69 Susan P November 29, 2015 at 18:20

        I’m sure they could you some lessons.

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
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