Hiding To Stay Hid

When you go and hide, there’s a principle most everyone follows–if they want to succeed in the pursuit of hiding: They don’t sneeze.

~ V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

UntitledSo, I had to hide in a hurry.

The room was an odd room. There were sofas, potted plants, free plants, pictured plants, and a few staple guns.

But, of course, this professor paid no attention to that. For you see, sitting on the wall–I doubt it was glued there, but I couldn’t see how it was staying there–was a jeweled katana.

It was amazing. Breathtaking. All in all, quite beautiful, really.


This is not it, but it’s a katana, see.

No doubt at all this is exactly what Schwarz Tauptinker and Bud Parker were here for. This is what they were sneaking for. This, is what they were thieving for.

It was a wonder and a few that I hadn’t seen it at first. After all, it must be said, when you first walk into a room you really don’t notice the swords. If there are swords.

But I didn’t really have time to think on things muchly more, see.

I had to hide.

There were voices and footsteps.

So, here’s the thing: when there’s no place to hide, one usually hides in the worst of places. That happened to Schwarz, Parker, and I. We all jumped behind the sofa, right under the jeweled katana.

Rotten hiding place.


The lights clicked on.

The voices were among us.

“This is it.”

Prince Beef!

Oh dear me.

“It’s beautiful,” a voice boomed in answer.

Unmistakable, too.

Fats Henry. (The chap lives on a floating island–it floats in the air–and is quite huge.)

“Now,” Prince Beef continued, “I’ll give you that sword, if, and only if, peasant, you bring me the Diamond of Drake.”

This professor nearly gasped. See, the Diamond of Drake is a famous diamond in the Punchy Lands.

So big, so bright. So beautiful. So sparkly. So important, in fact, many “so’s” can’t really explain it. It’s also on display, see.

Tourists come to see it. That’s the way it’s done.

“Hmm,” Henry said, thinking a bit, bits, and little bits. “The Diamond of Drake…”

“Yes, peasant,” the prince answered. “Bring it to me and this…will be yours!”

“And that’s something else!” Henry almost roared. “I’m not a peasant. I’m full of glorious fat!”

There was a pause.

“I think you’re revolting,” Prince Beef finally said. “But enough of that. Do we have a deal? I shall, from this diamond, make a ring for my beloved, Gertrude.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Henry answered. “I want that sword.”

The lights clicked off, the door closed. They were leaving.

Now, I had a thinks. See, if I didn’t take the jeweled katana, Parker and Schwarz would thieve it. If they didn’t thieve it, Henry would thieve the diamond for the sword.

All that thieving.

One thing to do.

I jumped up.

PL Symbol


60 Responses to “Hiding To Stay Hid”

  1. 1 John W. Howell November 18, 2015 at 21:00

    You must take it. Then the diamond will be safe. (At least there will be no incentive to take it)

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2015 at 21:47

      That’s true…but whatever shall I do with it?

      • 3 John W. Howell November 19, 2015 at 13:51

        Put it next to the diamond with a sign that says, “Come take it if you dare.”

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke November 20, 2015 at 14:39

        *laughs* But then you must come and help protect it, of course.

      • 5 John W. Howell November 20, 2015 at 20:42

        Here take this bomb and set it under the Katina

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke November 22, 2015 at 19:06

        But it might blow it up, see!!

      • 7 John W. Howell November 22, 2015 at 19:09

        It is a fake only meant to scare people.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke November 23, 2015 at 16:28

        Oh, okay. We’re good. Hey, can I get a couple more of those bombs?

      • 9 John W. Howell November 23, 2015 at 16:37

        Here you go. A bit of warning. One is real so be careful.(I don’t know which.)

  2. 10 Simply Skeptical November 18, 2015 at 00:10

    The Diamond of Drake shall we ever see a picture or etching or any visual of it? Sounds so, so, so……! I thinks a bit of thievery may be called for or else someone else will…..

    • 11 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2015 at 21:30

      Isn’t it something? The Diamond of Drake will be huge, I’m thinking. About the size of a giant with a big head.

  3. 12 Debbie November 17, 2015 at 19:29

    The Diamond of Drake sounds far too impressive for Miss Gertrude (I say that, not knowing, of course, whether she’s impressive or not — call it a rash judgment!)

    The jeweled katana is lovely. I’d be tempted to thieve it myself, if you hadn’t beat me to it!

    Shnodgrate’s quote is perfect, you know. Just ask anybody who used to play Hide and Seek!!

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 21:44

      *laughing* You just think that because Gertrude is an odd name! But isn’t it…royal? The name, I mean. I could be wrong. Maybe it’s not.

      You would? Why! Goodness. I shall hide it from you when I take it, see.

      I was always awful at that game.

  4. 14 FictionFan November 17, 2015 at 18:25

    *shakes head sadly* You’re going to thieve it, aren’t you? When obviously what you should be doing is working out a way to steal the diamond!! Diamonds are so much better than katanas, however jewelled* they might be! Unless they’re jewelled with diamonds, of course. Or rubies.

    *Please note spelling, my Yankee Doodle Boy! Or should that be speling…

    • 15 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 21:41

      I’m going to take it, yes–but only to save it! I’m not a thiever normally, see. The diamond? You want me to take the diamond? But I wouldn’t know what to do with it. *laughs*

      Wait…is there only one ‘l’ in our jeweled? There is! I didn’t even know that.

      • 16 FictionFan November 18, 2015 at 17:30

        You could set it in your crown! Or give it to me for safe-keeping… *Salami chuckle*

        At least it means you’re biased against letters other than the poor ‘u’…

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2015 at 21:45

        You’d have to put it in a safe, or give it to Tuppence.

        Well, maybe it’s you that abuses letters. We let them take the day off sometimes.

      • 18 FictionFan November 19, 2015 at 16:27

        She’s not getting her grubby little paws on it! I shall turn it into a beautiful pendant and dazzle all who behold me…

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke November 20, 2015 at 14:43

        *laughs* Just watch. I’m sure there’s baddies who would steal it.

  5. 20 L. Marie November 17, 2015 at 18:12

    Trust Fats Henry to come up with the soundbite to end all soundbites: “I’m full of glorious fat.”
    I hope when you jumped up you were able to grab the katana. I certainly would have.

    • 21 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 21:39

      *laughs* I know, right? Still, you must admire how he adores his fat. A bit.

      Yes! I’m going to take. To save it, see. It must be the right thing to do.

  6. 22 Haylee November 17, 2015 at 17:43

    Both items please.
    That is all.
    Thank you, ta!

    • 23 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 21:37

      You want the sword? Well, you would thieve it, just like me. But I’ll have to hide it from you, madam.

      • 24 Haylee November 17, 2015 at 22:23

        I’d like the sword AND the sparkly diamond please, but I’ll be doing no thieving of my own. You’re much more adept at it than me, so why do my own dirty work? Call it an early Christmas present.
        Oh, and I’m a hide and seek master so I fancy my chances. Conceal away, if you must!

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2015 at 20:33

        *laughs* But what if I’m caught, tortured, and killed? You’ll just have to come along with me. See, two is better than one.

        You are? I’ve always stunk at that game!!

      • 26 Haylee November 18, 2015 at 22:04

        Oh we couldn’t possibly allow that to happen, I imagine you’re quite fond of keeping your toenails and earlobes intact!
        I’m always up for an adventure so I shall come along for the ride. Providing you’re not a double-crossing hoodlum who’ll use me as a decoy…

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke November 20, 2015 at 14:31

        Yes, see, that’s just it. I can’t do without those poor things. We must keep it intact, and avoid the torture. Otherwise, I’d roar and riot. Riot and roar.

        *laughs* I wouldn’t do that! But, here’s your sword. For the battle.

      • 28 Haylee November 20, 2015 at 19:03

        Have you seriously just given me a sword? Thank you muchly, I am incredibly honoured! Just so you know, as possession is nine tenths, you’ll not get it back but I’ll take very good care of it, I promise :)

      • 29 Professor VJ Duke November 22, 2015 at 19:04

        Won’t give it back? Well, that’s fine. It is yours, after all. You must keep it sharpened, see. Though I’m not sure how to do that.

      • 30 Haylee November 22, 2015 at 20:39

        ‘A mind needs a book like a sword needs a whetstone to keep it sharp.’ So I just need a soggy stone, which should be no problem as its been pouring down here all day! ;)

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke November 23, 2015 at 16:30

        You should, in fact, collect a bunch of soggy stones. And put them in your basement. For the future, see.

  7. 32 Susan P November 17, 2015 at 14:50

    Hide it where no one can find it…and don’t forget where you hid it.

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 21:36

      But what if I want to play with it for a bit?

      • 34 Susan P November 17, 2015 at 22:25

        At your own risk.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2015 at 20:33

        It’s not that…important!

      • 36 Susan P November 18, 2015 at 22:36

        Then you will never know.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke November 20, 2015 at 14:34

        I’ll let you and George play with it.

      • 38 Susan P November 29, 2015 at 18:18

        Look out for claws.

  8. 39 Heartafire November 17, 2015 at 13:47

    He jumped up?! My heart is pounding. I fear the professor will lose his cool and do something unspeakable with the Katana. Being clairvoyant I have known it would come to this. Gertrude with the Diamond of Drake, say it isn’t so! Have a lovely day.

    • 40 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 14:07

      *laughing* Gertrude just might get it! That’s why I must do something, Hollie.

      I shall take the katana.

      • 41 Heartafire November 17, 2015 at 17:50

        Take it! Do what you must. I would rather eat porridge than see Gertrude with that diamond!

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 21:38

        *laughing* But, Hollie, you might come to like her! If you met her.

      • 43 Heartafire November 18, 2015 at 01:44

        Let me check her out, I will let you know.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2015 at 21:30

        You might surprise yourself and like her.

      • 45 Heartafire November 18, 2015 at 21:32

        I’ve never met a Gertrude that I liked, we’ll see. “-)

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2015 at 21:48

        How many have you met? I’ve never met one, see.

      • 47 Heartafire November 18, 2015 at 22:12

        okay, I’ve never met one either. But, that’s because I don’t want to meet one.

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke November 20, 2015 at 14:32

        You might find a soul sister of yours is named Gertrude. Maybe.

      • 49 Heartafire November 20, 2015 at 14:41

        That’s a good point. Professor. Never judge a book by its name. Gertrude …that grows on you :)

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke November 20, 2015 at 14:48

        It sorta does. But the pictures it brings to mind…are interesting.

      • 51 Heartafire November 20, 2015 at 16:06


      • 52 Professor VJ Duke November 22, 2015 at 19:03

        You know it!

  9. 53 PorterGirl November 17, 2015 at 13:38

    “I’m not a peasant. I’m full of glorious fat!” – this is maybe my favourite quote ever. I think that the jeweled katana should by rights belong to the Professor as… well… it just seems sort of obvious, doesn’t it?

    • 54 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 14:07

      Can you imagine he actually said that? I think you should suggest a diet to him.

      It does! Should I just keep it?

      • 55 PorterGirl November 17, 2015 at 14:39

        I shall suggest a diet of sausages – if he gets a bad one he will lose a lot of weight very quickly, as I know to my cost.
        Yes – keep it! Because then someone is bound to come after it and then there might be a fight! *roars*

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke November 17, 2015 at 21:36

        Well, we’ll have to make sure he gets a bad one, then. Just for kicks and giggles, see.

        A fight! But I did thieve. I’m feeling bad, the sudden.

      • 57 PorterGirl November 18, 2015 at 07:12

        Yes – make sure he does!
        Surely not an attack of conscience, Professor? If you get found out, people might be cross, you know.

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke November 18, 2015 at 21:37

        Here, can you take my concurrence? It’s such a bother, see.

      • 59 PorterGirl November 19, 2015 at 09:42

        Sure – pass it here!

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke November 20, 2015 at 14:37

        Awesome. I’m rid of it.

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