Whisked Away

There is physical slavery and intellectual slavery. The second is more cunning. 

~ V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

UntitledSo, Daddy Salami lowered this professor’s cage.

Now, that’s a thing.

I just admitted I had a cage. Like it’s mine.

Not sure why I did that.

Please forget I said it was my cage.

“There ya go, ya lump,” Salami said, opening the door. “Come ye out!”

This professor stepped out.

Okay, so my wound absolutely hurt a bit–but it didn’t make me dizzy.

I followed Salami to the front of the castle, right up to the huge wooden door.

To be quite honest–and I usually am quite honest every so often at noon–I thought about making a run for it.

But a few things:

(1) The professor was injured.

(2) The professor was on Fat Man Island. (Can’t exactly escape without a flying thingy.)

(3) The professor does not fancy being chased by Daddy Salami.

Conclusion: We shall not make a run for it.

Salami threw open the front door–didn’t bother to knock–and skipped down a hallway, made a left, then a right, threw open two other wooden doors, and…

Fats Henry was sitting in a huge dining hall. The hall was so big, in fact, the table looked small.

There was only one chair at the table. It was at the head, and Henry occupied it.

He was slurping some soup.

Salami and I walked up to the other end of the table. A sizable distance, but not that sizable.

“Here he is,” Salami said, with an evil chuckle: “Hehaha.” 

Slurrrrrrrrrrp.

“Welllllllllll,” Fats Henry boomed, looking up. “Look who it is!”

“Gah.” 

It was Salami. Not sure why he said it either. Probably found Henry a bit disgusting, too.

“What do you want?” Henry said, turning on Salami viciously.

“I brought ya the professor and the sword. Pay me, and I’s leavin’, cur.”

“Fine,” Henry said. “The servant will pay you on the way out. Bye!”

Salami left, and the door shut soundly behind him. Actually, it shut loudly.

“So,” this professor began, “you got the Jeweled Katana?”

“That’s right,” Henry said. “Salami found it down there. All this means is I don’t have to get the Diamond of Drake for the Jeweled Katana. Since I already have it.”

Rats. I must’ve dropped it right out in the open. This professor was hoping, see, that I had dropped the sword in hiding.

Dadblame Clara.

“Well, I might tell the prince, just to be revolting, like you.”

Henry chuckled. “Idiot. You’re not leaving here! You’re my new kitchen slave. I’m not that stupid, okayyyyyyy?! I won’t let you out so you can tell Prince Beef that I took his sword without trading the diamond for it!”

Slurrrrrrrrrrrp.

And just like that I was whisked away (like some sort of icing or cream) to the kitchens.

What a thing.

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52 Responses to “Whisked Away”


  1. 1 Heartafire December 18, 2015 at 20:14

    you are awesome…here: https://aheartafire.wordpress.com/2015/12/18/epic-awesomeness-award/. Why do I enjoy this offering so much?

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke December 21, 2015 at 14:12

      I’m very honored! Will do this in the new year if it’s okay with you!!

      • 3 Heartafire December 21, 2015 at 15:02

        Of course, whenever you can, no pressure professor…enjoy your holidays!

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke December 22, 2015 at 15:32

        You too, Hollie! Remember to have lots of Christmas Spirit. Otherwise, the Krampus.

      • 5 Heartafire December 22, 2015 at 16:35

        I will have lots, and you must have lots too. We don’t want any part of Krampus !

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke December 23, 2015 at 16:27

        Not one single part!

      • 7 Heartafire December 23, 2015 at 17:43

        smiles smugly.

  2. 8 L. Marie December 18, 2015 at 14:52

    Kitchen slave? Ugh!! But I agree with Debbie. Only a fool would put a captured slave in the kitchen, especially one well-stocked with knives and ingredients you can combine to make someone miserable.

    • 9 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2015 at 15:25

      And feed it to him, of course! Hope he dies real soon.

  3. 10 Lady Dunamis December 18, 2015 at 13:48

    The question is can you cook? If not I am sure Cordon Blue is accepting applications.

    Nevertheless, two times and a few, this might be an excellent time for your escape….or off with your head.

    May the force be with you!😇

    • 11 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2015 at 15:24

      I’ll cook him beetles. Does that count?

      Love that phrase! I think you’d like to see how I’d get out of getting my head lopped off.

      But I’m a Sith!

  4. 12 sweetaces December 18, 2015 at 06:32

    Oh poor thing. But in the kitchen ..alot of things can be done..like making them poop a hundred times after they Sip your scorned tea

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2015 at 15:24

      Ooo! So, what can I do to do that?

      • 14 sweetaces December 18, 2015 at 22:36

        Well….you are a natural ..figure it out pvj

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke December 21, 2015 at 14:13

        I’m a natural beast, it is true.

      • 16 sweetaces December 21, 2015 at 23:29

        Hahaha …I should have known

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke December 22, 2015 at 15:40

        *nods* It took me years to realize.

      • 18 sweetaces December 22, 2015 at 15:58

        Lol…glad it finally comes to light eh?

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke December 23, 2015 at 16:26

        And, aren’t we proud of it?

      • 20 sweetaces December 23, 2015 at 16:44

        Indeed we are PVJ. Indeed!

  5. 21 Simply Skeptical December 18, 2015 at 01:21

    Never fear you’ll out wit that tub. I’m just wondering how…..

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2015 at 15:23

      *laughs* Why thank you for your vote of confidence! I’ll throw beetles at him.

  6. 23 John W. Howell December 18, 2015 at 00:08

    Get some rubber gloves to protect yourself from dish pan hands.

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2015 at 15:23

      I know! I don’t want to ruin my hands. They’re tough as of now.

      • 25 John W. Howell December 18, 2015 at 23:21

        A few dishes and they will be prunes.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke December 21, 2015 at 14:14

        Hmm. You don’t happen to be good at washing dishes, do you?

      • 27 John W. Howell December 21, 2015 at 18:03

        Did that in college so, yes, very good.

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke December 22, 2015 at 15:38

        Well, perfect, then. Get thou over here, please.

      • 29 John W. Howell December 22, 2015 at 17:45

        Let’s talk salary.

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke December 23, 2015 at 16:32

        A penny a dish!

      • 31 John W. Howell December 23, 2015 at 16:49

        Sold. I’m on my way.

  7. 32 bardictale December 17, 2015 at 21:44

    Kitchens are great places for explosions!

    • 33 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2015 at 15:23

      Really? Teach me!

      • 34 bardictale December 19, 2015 at 16:28

        First, get the baking soda and vinegar.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke December 21, 2015 at 14:19

        Ooo, this sounds good!

      • 36 bardictale December 21, 2015 at 16:04

        Yes! Now, get a glass.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke December 22, 2015 at 15:35

        Okay… *grabs one*

      • 38 bardictale December 22, 2015 at 17:25

        Now, mix!

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke December 23, 2015 at 16:30

        *mixes it all together real fast*

      • 40 bardictale December 26, 2015 at 17:02

        BOOM!

  8. 41 FictionFan December 17, 2015 at 18:58

    Don’t forget to rescue my Schwarzy while you’re on the island!! I’ve been worried sick about him! It would be so awful if he’s been hurt in any way! So stop whining about your little scratch and get to it, sir! Did Achilles let a little stab in the foot get in his way? (Hmm… bad example! Scratch that.) Be like John Carter (only clothed) (and with less flirting) and gloriously battle your way out of this predicament!

    Love the colour-coded dialogue, by the way, but shouldn’t your lines be in purple?

    And… it’s hard for me to admit this *gulps*… Shnoddy’s little words of wisdom are deeply profound today… he must have eaten his porridge this morning…

    • 42 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2015 at 15:21

      But don’t you think Schwarz and Parker are going to want to kill me dead? After all, I did get them captured, sorta. Maybe. Maybe not. *laughing lots* He did! I win this round, the sudden. I do like John C. But he is clothed! In the movie, see.

      *laughing lots and lots* Oooo! *stamps foot* Purple and the professor. Hm. That might work.

      See? I think you like him.

      • 43 FictionFan December 20, 2015 at 16:01

        And rightly so! This is another fine mess you’ve got everyone into! Still flirts, though…

        Like Professor Plum!!

        Hmm….

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke December 21, 2015 at 14:23

        I love creating messes. I flirt as much as turtles do, madam.

        Do I look like that? maybe a bit.

        Humph noodles to you. I see that you do!

  9. 45 Debbie December 17, 2015 at 18:21

    You know, Professor, the kitchen might be the LAST place I’d take a captured slave-person. Especially if I’m to eat all manner of foods they’d prepare there! But hey, what a break for you — I mean, just think of the fun you could have, threatening to ruin their meals from now on! Part of me is still hoping Clara turns out to be your rescuer, perhaps with a fancy flying thingy of her own?!!

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2015 at 15:20

      Isn’t that true? What’s he thinking? Just a big brute, see, he doesn’t think much. I’ll poison him dead. Clara? But why? You like her!

  10. 47 Susan P December 17, 2015 at 17:41

    What a boon to be in the kitchen. One can concoct all manner of mischief in the kitchen.

    • 48 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2015 at 15:16

      I think George could help me out.

  11. 49 desertdweller29 December 17, 2015 at 17:07

    I hope the professor can cook! I say poisoned beef stew is the best way out.

    • 50 Professor VJ Duke December 18, 2015 at 15:14

      I’ll probably poison his water too, just to be safe. Do you have any quick poisonous recipes?

      • 51 desertdweller29 December 18, 2015 at 15:30

        Brussel sprouts.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke December 21, 2015 at 14:07

        *laughing lots* Yes! that’s it. Why thank you, DD.


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