Plot Finalized

If failure teaches success, then it’s a fairly good teacher, and gets a very bad rap. 

V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

Untitled

Schwarz Tauptinker released the pressure he was pressing down with on my neck with the chef knife.

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Chef Knife, yo.

Here’s the thing: Never press with lots of pressure with a knife. Otherwise, *gush-gush*.

“Explain what you mean, bud,” Parker said.

“Well,” this professor began, Fats Henry has the Jeweled Katana here. I say we poison him and steal the katana–which you and Schwarz may have. And, of course, I’ll help you as penance.”

I thought it a rather convincing lie.

Schwarz totally released the pressure, and this professor sat up.

I rubbed my poor neck, too, you should know.

“That’s a good idea,” Schwarz said, looking hard at Parker. “Why not do?”

“I don’t know, bud,” Parker replied, crossing his arms. “Did we really need him to tell us we could try to escape? I mean, of course I knew that, bud!”

“I didn’t think about it, chickit,” Schwarz admitted. “But we didn’t know Fats had the katana–tell you what!”

“True,” Parker said.

Yo-Yo. (That’s my triumphant phrase, by the wayside.)

Parker turned to me. “Why do we need your help, bud? We could do everything you said–poison Henry, steal the katana, escape–without you.”

Schwarz’s mouth dropped open into victorious smile. It was a cross between a scowl and a smile. “Yeah, baby child, we don’t need you, chickit!”

“But you do,” this professor affirmed.

“Why?” Parker said, looking quite confident, and making a clicking noise with his tongue. (He does that sort of thing often.)

“Yeah, why?” Schwarz echoed.

“Because I’ll scream louder than a maiden who spies a toad on the hem of her boot.”

The professor was embarrassed immediately. I must admit this. After all, I’m a mighty warrior. And that comparison was horrid. I close my eyes to it from now on. I refuse to see it. I refuse to believe I said it. I refuse it, in other words.

But it did work.

“He’s got a chickit point!” Schwarz spit. He was cranky. “We can’t have him screaming and giving us away.”

Mutant-Toad--82275

Parker thought for a minute. “Okay, bud,” he said, “you’re in. Get us the sword and get us outta here.” *tongue click noise* 

And at that exact moment, the Robots stepped into the room.

“His worshipful Fats Henry is very hungry for his supper,” they both said in unison. “Bring now.”

Perfectly perfect–like a hot cherry sucker.

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143 Responses to “Plot Finalized”


  1. 1 InfiniteZip January 12, 2016 at 14:06

    Kitchen knives scare me see, ours are Cutco and they are sharp and it’s hard to slice smoked salmon thin when the fish is sliding around, next thing you know, you can’t tell where the piece of skin is in the fish….nastiness I say.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 19:10

      Oh, that is nasty. I say, Zippy, you should dull the knives a bit.

      • 3 InfiniteZip January 13, 2016 at 11:24

        The husband would never allow such a thing, he is a BBQ guy after all, need sharp trusty knives to slice and dice….

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2016 at 14:08

        BBQ…I like that. I hope he’s a Pats fan, too.

      • 5 InfiniteZip January 13, 2016 at 14:34

        No, he has too much good taste for that. bills all the way….maybe next year.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2016 at 23:46

        Bills no match for Pats! Haha.

      • 7 InfiniteZip January 14, 2016 at 01:37

        Someday perchance…if not to dream….if a gal had no dreams, she’d never amount to anything….and certainly would never dream of Massachusetts ….maybe to be a supermodel perhaps??

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2016 at 13:09

        *laughs* A supermodel? I bet their diets are awful.

      • 9 InfiniteZip January 15, 2016 at 14:08

        Sticks , twigs and berries no doubt…..😊

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke January 17, 2016 at 19:22

        Now berries are good.

  2. 11 Sonya Solomonovich January 10, 2016 at 15:57

    I like your triumphant phrase, professor! Now, what is your real plan, I wonder?

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2016 at 14:15

      Isn’t that great? Thanks. Well, to steal the sword. I’m not going to let them have it, see!

  3. 13 Heartafire January 10, 2016 at 15:20

    I am exhausted trying to reach the end of your comment roll! I know a good dentist if that toad is at all concerned.

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2016 at 14:13

      Haha. Do you suppose I should just salt the toad?

      • 15 Heartafire January 11, 2016 at 14:21

        don’t be mean to the toad. He may have a great personality even if he isn’t that attractive.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 13:48

        That’s such a good point. What should I do with him, tho?

      • 17 Heartafire January 12, 2016 at 14:01

        Take him under your wing and cultivate him, teach him music, the arts, get him a good hair style, braces…be kind.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 19:08

        What if he betrays me after all of that?

      • 19 Heartafire January 12, 2016 at 19:50

        Yank the braces off the ingrate

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2016 at 13:50

        I’ll probably end up ripping out his fangs, too.

      • 21 Heartafire January 13, 2016 at 14:21

        Do get those, they make great soup.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2016 at 23:42

        Fangs? Goodness. *gags a bit*

      • 23 Heartafire January 14, 2016 at 15:07

        it’s comfort food, yeah.

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2016 at 13:18

        Comfort food. sounds amazing.

      • 25 Heartafire January 15, 2016 at 14:24

        just like Mac and Cheese :)

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke January 17, 2016 at 19:23

        A food staple right there.

      • 27 Heartafire January 17, 2016 at 20:18

        yum!

  4. 28 Lady Dunamis January 8, 2016 at 14:02

    Now you know what Nicholas thinks of you or more to the point what you think about yourself. This is cause of great concern or a hilarious moment. I choose the latter.

    • 29 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 19:30

      That’s because you don’t care about me, obviously! Do you see what danger I’m in?

      • 30 Lady Dunamis January 8, 2016 at 19:38

        Oh, so I am to blame now? Guess I influenced you to find the hideous beast? Oi! Your next Christmas gift will be a straight jacket with little three eyed frogs adorned with pink bows smoking a cigar.

      • 31 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 19:40

        *laughing* Don’t give that to me! Imagine what people might think!!

      • 32 Lady Dunamis January 8, 2016 at 19:49

        Somebody will be turned on by it or vomit…..

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2016 at 13:59

        Those turned on by it, would be scary, I say.

  5. 34 bardictale January 8, 2016 at 08:21

    Professor, if the toad looked like that, I do believe even Hercules would scream.
    Or cut off his own foot.

    • 35 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:34

      Really? Well that’s good then. I don’t feel as bad. Still. Bard.

      • 36 bardictale January 10, 2016 at 06:43

        You are forgiven for thinking you are royalty, if that’s what you wanted to hear.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2016 at 14:11

        But I am a Duke, mind you.

      • 38 bardictale January 11, 2016 at 16:24

        Bah! That’s nobility.

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 13:51

        Is there a difference betwixt the two?

      • 40 bardictale January 12, 2016 at 14:42

        Spoken like a true non-royalty!

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 19:20

        I’m more royal…than a snail!

      • 42 bardictale January 13, 2016 at 08:27

        Noble, perhaps. Royal…no.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2016 at 14:08

        Why can’t I be royal!

      • 44 bardictale January 13, 2016 at 17:12

        Don’t ask me. This is why there are revolutions.

      • 45 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2016 at 23:58

        Let’s cause one, Bard.

      • 46 bardictale January 14, 2016 at 07:27

        Why? People tend to die horribly in revolutions.
        You need a good reason, sir.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2016 at 13:11

        Because…wars are fun?

      • 48 bardictale January 16, 2016 at 16:48

        You never were in a war, have you?
        It’s awful, terrible, and everyone loses in the end.
        Not to mention, if you are actively participating and not the king, let’s say, living conditions are awful too.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke January 17, 2016 at 19:34

        Now, now, Bard. Don’t go ripping the wonderful days when I fought at Troy. Have you fought at Troy?

      • 50 bardictale January 17, 2016 at 19:42

        I’ve fought elsewhere, sir. It wasn’t pretty.

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke January 18, 2016 at 20:02

        Ooo…where?

      • 52 bardictale January 19, 2016 at 08:15

        Classified. Sorry.

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke January 19, 2016 at 14:01

        Bard!!! That’s not fair!

      • 54 bardictale January 19, 2016 at 19:41

        Life isn’t fair. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.
        But if you must know, it was somewhere warm and dry.

      • 55 Professor VJ Duke January 19, 2016 at 21:36

        That’s a great saying, Bard. The desert?

      • 56 bardictale January 20, 2016 at 06:47

        It’s not mine- it’s from The Princess Bride. It is a good book and a good movie- you should watch it and read it!

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke January 20, 2016 at 13:26

        I’ve watched it! But never read it. I think I like it lots, in fact.

      • 58 bardictale January 20, 2016 at 13:28

        It is a fun book. Different from the movie- it has different scenes.

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke January 21, 2016 at 14:56

        Is it better than the movie, would you say?

      • 60 bardictale January 21, 2016 at 21:00

        No, just different. Good different.

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke January 22, 2016 at 15:00

        I like that.

  6. 62 walt walker January 8, 2016 at 04:46

    You said that? I’m shocked!

    • 63 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:34

      I was even planning something eviler. But I relented at the last moment.

      • 64 walt walker January 8, 2016 at 13:43

        That’s disappointing.

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 19:21

        Isn’t it? It was too dastardly.

  7. 66 Simply Skeptical January 8, 2016 at 00:06

    You have me giggling lots on this one. Hmm. Failure is a good thing after all. Mastermind!!!

    • 67 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:34

      I almost got my throat sliced, did you see? Ghastly stuff, madam. Ghastly.

  8. 68 John W. Howell January 7, 2016 at 22:58

    So how do you throw a baseball now? Hmmmmmmm

    • 69 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:34

      Now why do I need to do that, pray?

      • 70 John W. Howell January 8, 2016 at 20:23

        Well your scream uncovered a secret.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2016 at 14:00

        What sort of secret?

      • 72 John W. Howell January 11, 2016 at 14:07

        Ahem. Did you not scream?

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2016 at 14:17

        No! Well… No…aren’t you supposed to forget that?

      • 74 John W. Howell January 11, 2016 at 18:39

        Okay it’s forgotten.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 13:53

        Like long forgotten, for instance.

      • 76 John W. Howell January 12, 2016 at 14:01

        What? What are you talking about?

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 19:08

        The moon, the sudden. I hear it might be shrunk.

      • 78 John W. Howell January 12, 2016 at 20:19

        Amazing

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2016 at 13:52

        I would hate it. Since the night would be very dark then.

  9. 80 Lady Dunamis January 7, 2016 at 22:13

    Man, it’s gettin’ crunk up in the TPL. When Schwarz pulls a mob boss move like that, PVJ, you betta watch your back. Ain’t no love I the TPL 😈

    • 81 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:33

      Did you see what he did? What should I do to him, Lady?

      • 82 Lady Dunamis January 8, 2016 at 13:59

        Exact revenge…or at least look like you will. Keep in mind if you decide to terminate his existence we will hear no more chickit and you might need the services of Donald Trump to build you a wall for your safety.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 19:28

        *Laughs* Good point. I better not kill him all the way. Is that goody?

      • 84 Lady Dunamis January 8, 2016 at 19:33

        You are funny…kill him all the way *laughing* as if there is an option to be 1/2 dead.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 19:39

        Isn’t there? You know, like barley cognizant.

      • 86 Lady Dunamis January 8, 2016 at 19:41

        Touché PVJ

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2016 at 13:57

        I don’t know the meaning of that word, the sudden.

  10. 88 Jackie January 7, 2016 at 20:05

    If no one believes in you and you stop believing in yourself – do you disappear?

    • 89 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:33

      Ooo…what a thingy. Do you suppose? That’d be cool. I think you found out how to be invisible!

      • 90 Jackie January 8, 2016 at 13:47

        Oh wow! I think you are right! I haven’t tested it yet but if I do I will be sure to let you know if it works.

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 19:27

        We’re millionaires the sudden.

      • 92 Jackie January 8, 2016 at 19:30

        If things pan out – you may be right about that!

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 19:39

        We’d split it–25% to 75%.

      • 94 Jackie January 8, 2016 at 19:44

        How about we each get 50%?

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2016 at 13:57

        Oh okay. If you insist.

  11. 96 Debbie January 7, 2016 at 19:15

    I’m surprised Parker and Schwarz agreed to your scheme, but for your sake, I’m glad they did. And I’m still stunned that anybody in his right mind would put “prisoners” in the kitchen, of all places!! Besides the number of potential weapons (knives, etc.), there’s a definite possibility (in your case, probability!) one might get poisoned! As for Mr. Three-Eyed-Frog, yuck, let Lucy have him. Poor Dallas wouldn’t know which eye to train on!

    • 97 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:31

      *laughs* Is it because I’m so wily do you suppose? True. The kitchen was not the brightest place to be put, I tell you. Do you suppose Dallas would eat him?

  12. 98 desertdweller29 January 7, 2016 at 19:07

    I thought that frog was Fats Henry… It’s about time Schwarz came around. And I shall respectfully disagree with your idea of perfect, sir. I’d rather kiss that three-eyed toad than eat a hot cherry sucker. Ewwwey. Yuck! And why hot? Does the professor like spicy? I thought not!

    • 99 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:30

      *laughs* Poor Henry! Hast thou missed Schwarz?

      Are you serious? How can you pass up a sucker for a kiss with a toad? *skeptical professorish eye*

  13. 100 L. Marie January 7, 2016 at 18:37

    Aww. What an adorable creature. It’s three eyes are sparkling with mischief.

    Glad you were able to talk your way out. Don’t worry about humiliating yourself. As long as you stay alive, that’s all that count. You really should invest in some throwing knives though like I have. They can get you out of a jam.

    • 101 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:30

      Wait. You think it’s cute?!

      Good point. If I was carrying them, I could have thrown him through the head with one. What ghastly stuff you make me think about…

  14. 102 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member January 7, 2016 at 18:25

    I think the toad is the Professor…

    • 103 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:28

      You’re so caustic!

  15. 104 PorterGirl January 7, 2016 at 15:47

    I like that frog very much! He looks great. Terry would love him. I think he should move in with me at once. Also – a great display of cunning on your part, Professor.

    • 105 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:24

      Do you think Terry might eat him, tho?

      Aren’t I a cunning beast?

      • 106 PorterGirl January 10, 2016 at 07:55

        Oh dear he might.
        You are the most cunning beast that ever walked the Earth! And the beastliest, too *laughs*

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2016 at 14:12

        My cunningness is legendary. It’s also considered a myth.

      • 108 PorterGirl January 11, 2016 at 14:19

        I like to think it is a little of both, you know.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 13:48

        Maybe more myth.

      • 110 PorterGirl January 12, 2016 at 14:05

        Or maybe not. I know these things.

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 19:09

        You do? Well, out with it then!

      • 112 PorterGirl January 12, 2016 at 19:34

        I say, that’s very forward of you *laughs*

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2016 at 13:48

        Well, I prefer to go forwards then backwards. That’s why I always made a bad CB.

  16. 114 FictionFan January 7, 2016 at 15:45

    But does it teach success? I mean, look at Kenny – all these years and he’s still never managed to find a successful hairdo. I never realised Shnoddy was a rap artist though *impressed face*

    Well! Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dablameit if my Schwarzy accidentally chops your head off! You’re so rude to him you deserve it! (Plus, I’m kinda intrigued by the whole gush-gush thing, you know?) You might be able to scream louder than a maiden with a toad, but I bet you couldn’t scream louder than a maiden being attacked by a giant moth! (Don’t you think that toad looks a little like my lovely Woola, BTW?)

    • 115 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:24

      *laughs* It is sorta like rap…but I bet you’ve never listened to rap! Poor Kenny. The girls probably love his hair, don’t you know.

      No, you’re not intrigued by the gush-gush thing, especially when it could be me! Gosh! I’ll still end up getting the sword, you know. Just because I’m so wily and cute. Yes, that’s the thing: I could never beat your scream. Or that woman in the bathtub with a huge mouth. (He does! Striking resemblance.)

      • 116 FictionFan January 8, 2016 at 17:44

        Rap is songs for people who can’t sing! Excuse me, sir! I would just like to point out that I am a girl!

        I wonder if the gush-gush would be purple in your case *ponders* Will you? Or has Schwarzy sneakily substituted the real one for a fake…? How will you know? Yeah, I wonder if she’d just seen a moth… (I might read no, 4 sometime soon – but Woola probably won’t be in it. *sad face*)

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 19:35

        It’s sorta like talking, I think. I bet WOB likes it a bit… *laughs* Yes…sorry!

        It would not be! Maybe…black!!! Schwarz isn’t that bright and you know it. I’m the wily one, remember. (I wanna read it, too. But John isn’t in it either!)

      • 118 FictionFan January 9, 2016 at 23:47

        I bet he doesn’t! It’s too modern for WOB!

        Maybe blue, like the blood of the great white apes of Barsoom! *gasps* How dare you, sir! My Schwarzy’s intelligence is just so subtle that he has you completely fooled! Look at how he’s managed to trick you into helping him escape! He’s wilier than Wily E Coyote! (I know – and you’d miss your Dejah too…)

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2016 at 14:08

        Oh, that’d be cool! I wish I was one of them. Only with eyes, mind you. Poor Schwarz. He’s got the mind of a little thing, I tell you. Haha, who wasn’t that wily… (Yeah, I might, depends. She was getting annoying!)

      • 120 FictionFan January 11, 2016 at 18:32

        Eh? Didn’t the great white apes have eyes? That must have made getting away from them considerably easier then! You are just so adorably jealous of him. But you should look on him as a role-model – you could learn so much from him… *sighs*

        (So fickle!)

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 13:52

        I think they were blind in the movie…right? Time for a rewatch! But the professor isn’t adorable anything!!

      • 122 FictionFan January 12, 2016 at 17:08

        I can’t remember. I was probably distracted by John’s choice of costume. (Is too!)

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 19:23

        Were you seriously? You probably were! What a thingy. Bad FEF! (Is too not, you mean.)

      • 124 FictionFan January 13, 2016 at 00:53

        But… but… I was merely wondering if it could be adapted as a Professorial outfit for a future video! I think it could, you know, you know… (I know what I mean! I think.)

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2016 at 13:59

        *laughs* I’ve been thinking about shooting a beach vid. But it’d be like a battle thing. Maybe in the future. (I win that one, haha.)

      • 126 FictionFan January 13, 2016 at 18:04

        A battle against sea monsters?!? Then you should definitely wear something that will offer more protection. Sunscreen, perhaps… (You think you do…)

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke January 14, 2016 at 00:00

        Well, it’s sorta like I wash up on the beach and have to fight all these chaps. *laughs* It’s a dream for a shoot one day, really. (Hmm…which means I do!)

      • 128 FictionFan January 14, 2016 at 12:21

        *laughs lots* Well, hurry up and shoot it then! I do hope Tick manages to get it all on the first take or you’ll have a tiring day… (*sticks out tongue*)

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2016 at 13:15

        *laughs* I’ll stick fly paper to your tongue, if you keep this up! I’m a villain, remember. #Proud

  17. 130 Susan P January 7, 2016 at 15:37

    You need to hire a ninja assassin, Chickit.

    • 131 Professor VJ Duke January 8, 2016 at 13:21

      Is George free?

      • 132 Susan P January 9, 2016 at 13:11

        Sorry…he has his paws full taking care of Harry and me.

      • 133 Professor VJ Duke January 11, 2016 at 14:06

        I’ll steal him, I think.

      • 134 Susan P January 11, 2016 at 14:35

        You will need to make friends with him.

      • 135 Professor VJ Duke January 12, 2016 at 13:49

        I’ll play soccer with him. That should work.

      • 136 Susan P January 13, 2016 at 00:05

        With a ping pong ball?

      • 137 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2016 at 13:54

        Nah, they’re too weak.

      • 138 Susan P January 13, 2016 at 14:46

        Only if you forget to put the shot in it before launching.

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke January 13, 2016 at 23:47

        What shot, madam?

      • 140 Susan P January 14, 2016 at 06:30

        If you don’t know, I can tell you.

      • 141 Professor VJ Duke January 15, 2016 at 13:11

        Okay, please tell.

      • 142 Susan P January 15, 2016 at 14:04

        https://jet.com/product/detail/4f1eefb21b1d47c0b82830fa7afd2e93?jcmp=pla:ggl:sporting_goods_a3:athletics_track_field_a3_other:na:na:na:na:na:2&code=PLA15&k_clickid=ae4ee70e-7c4d-4abf-b80f-efcbcfd7f9d7&abkId=403-18573&gclid=CIf39sn9q8oCFYQlgQodOtMEcQ

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke January 17, 2016 at 19:22

        I want one!!


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