So, the professor was out turtle hunting.
I was looking for this chap:
But then I saw this! (Online.)
And the professor was like…wow!
I must needs have this one. See, this is the warrior among turtles. Sorta like I’m a warrior among professors.
So, the professor went to this pond store.
“I’d like an alligator snapping turtle, please,” I said.
The chap’s face kinda fell. “You mean a real one?”
“I’d prefer that, but if you have solid gold ones, I might be interested.”
He laughed a bit. “You can’t buy those turtles. If you’re looking for a turtle for a pond or something, can I suggest a red-eared pond slider? Snapping turtles are just way too dangerous.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “I’m more dangerous than one of them.”
I never did get that turtle.
Moral: You have to thieve snapping turtles; you can’t buy them.