So, the professor was out turtle hunting.
I was looking for this chap:
Red-eared Slider. I wish I had red ears.
But then I saw this! (Online.)
And the professor was like…wow!
I must needs have this one. See, this is the warrior among turtles. Sorta like I’m a warrior among professors.
So, the professor went to this pond store.
“I’d like an alligator snapping turtle, please,” I said.
The chap’s face kinda fell. “You mean a real one?”
“I’d prefer that, but if you have solid gold ones, I might be interested.”
He laughed a bit. “You can’t buy those turtles. If you’re looking for a turtle for a pond or something, can I suggest a red-eared pond slider? Snapping turtles are just way too dangerous.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “I’m more dangerous than one of them.”
I never did get that turtle.
Moral: You have to thieve snapping turtles; you can’t buy them.
The Punchy Lands! 
I never knew a turtle could do that sort of posture! I’m going to go look at some youtube videos of them now…
*laughing* It’s impressive, isn’t it? Sonya, let’s get a few turtles.
Oh I love turtles. I had forgotten how cute they are. As in the first picture. I didn’t realize snapping turtles looked so fierce. Mean and scary for sure. You’ve not lived until you’ve pet a turtle’s head and they trust you to. Certainly don’t try this with a snapping turtle. :-)
Well, see, if I was a turtle I’d be a snapping turtle beast. That’s me, see.
pssst. Hey, buddy. You want a turtle?
Oh yes. Yes, please. Do you have one?
Hows this Alligator Snapper look to you. Watch out! He’s a mean one.
He looks…beastly. I’ll take him. What cost is he?
For you. One 12 lb bar of chocolate
That’s a lot…but here ya go.
It’s not for me it’s for the turtle. That is his daily intake.
That much? Goodness. How old is he? He might die soon.
I think his birth certificate says he was born in 1919
Whoa. He’s older than me. Does he get around fine?
Yeah I think so.
I adore turtles but not in pic #2 and pic #3. those are scary turtles and I think #2 is a snapping turtle , you want to stay away from those. I’m from Florida, I know my turtles. Anecdote: I had a box turtle (so cute) when I was a child. I wrote POGO on his shell cause that was his name. He escaped and was found a few blocks away and returned to me as this person knew that I had a turtled named Pogo. A miracle! I let him loose into the lake out back, I had to assume he wanted to get away. Be very careful with the snappers Professor, they can take a finger off before you can say Rats and a Heifer.
*gulps* Can they really? Goodness. Are they nice or vicious? Can you train them at all?
Now, Pogo sounds like an awesome turtle. I’m sure he was a bit wicked, tho.
they are not nice and their favorite munchie is fingers from which they will not let go once they get they grip onthem. oh, they are terrible Professor!
*shivers* We should declare war on them then?
okay I”m right behind you.
Pogo was a gem…he ate lettuce and celery right from my hand…so cute.
What a sweet little beast. You must needs get another.
No, I have to take care of Tidey Man dog, that’s enough.
Now, who is this?
Tide is my dog but he doesn’t know he’s a dog and I’m not telling him.
*laughing lots and lots* What sort is he?
he’s a Boston Terrier, brown, cute!
Aw! I bet he’s really cute. Love boston terries.
https://aheartafire.wordpress.com/2015/09/02/what-i-saw-today/ He’s the one with the ears and big eyes.
Oh he’s adorable!!
yeah!!
Okay , I’m right behind you!!
Stay close!
if you don’t mind repeated whines of “are we there yet”. Ha!
*laughs* I do that every so often myself.
we would be a noisy pair! :)
Haha. We sure would be!
Paying is just a polite way of taking what you want. If someone says you can’t buy something, well that’s just rude. Then you just take it anyway. They had their chance.
*laughing lots and lots* I love this to many deaths! What a point, too. After all, if they aren’t willing to accept what I might offer (probably grass, the sudden) I’ll just thieve it. You, Mr. Walt, are a genius.
You couldn’t pay me enough to go near a snapping turtle! Unless it *was* made of solid gold, and didn’t move, or snap, or turtle. Foxes like shiny things, but they don’t like things that bite back, don’t you know.
Really? Not even if it was my pet, and I promised it wouldn’t bite your feet off?
*nods* I bet that’s true. I couldn’t have a fox and turtle. Rats and a Heifer.
I don’t think you could guarantee that a snapping turtle wouldn’t snap, but if you can, I’m still going to throw a mannequin at it first, just to make extra sure!
Yeah, foxes don’t like reptiles. But E. the human likes reptiles. And foxes. And most critters.
That’s a smart move, I’d say. Throw something, at least. That way you won’t lose a finger or something. Too bad snapping turtles are so mean. *sigh*
So, you’re in sorta of a hard place. Maybe you could have a fox that likes a turtle. It’s possible, maybe.
Sometimes mean things are also the best things. But most of the time, they’re just mean.
Yeah, mean things can be rather great. Like a water balloon, for instance. They’re mean, but great.
I suppose it would depend which side of the balloon you were on!
Right, right. You’d want to be throwing it.
Yes, then water balloons are the best!
Red ones, too!
What an impressive arrive beast that one…yes, you should get one, make it a pet…..perhaps he can sleep in a turtle box on your bed? You could name him Peyton…he looks like a Peyton.
*laughing* Peyton will be a turtle once Tom Brady is done with him… But do you think he might bite me?
Peyton or the turtle? I had a snapping turtle at my mailbox once…he hissed at me so I did a curling style push off with my extended snow brush and shot him across the street over the edge of the road back towards the creek and woods…..he scurried along and never made it to my pond thank goodness.
*laughing* They hiss? Really?! Goodness. But what a warrior you were! You won, see.
I love turtles! We count them when we are out kayaking. It’s so much fun to see them all lined up on logs, sunning themselves.
Of course, we aren’t hunting them, just observing them. ;)
Nancy
Don’t you kinda want to bring one home? Just kinda?
Well, I suppose so. I don’t know how “our” chipmunks would react to the new creature though. :)
Nancy
They might ride on its back, maybe?
Well, the chipmunks would have to be a lot more zen then, since those little creatures move so fast and turtles move so slowly!
Nancy
But turtles have shells. I’m sure that ways them down.
That snapping turtle looks vicious indeed! Something like that would keep the buggers away, providing you keep it a bit on the hungry side. As for the pink-eared chap, why, professor, of course you too can have pink ears — just stand outside in the Arctic air without a hat on for an hour or so! By the way, do you have a pond for that sort of critter??
Well, I’ve got something of a pound. I don’t know if it’s big enough for the alligator chap, not that he’d mind. Or he might, and bite of my feet. The professor, the sudden, doesn’t have ears, don’t you know.
I prefer the three-eyed toad. Good for keeping watch.
That’s true. Do you suppose he keeps one of his eyes opened when he sleeps?
Yes! It’s the perfect watch guard. One eye always stays open, me thinks.
I wish one of my eyes always stayed open. *jealous*
Yessss… *one suspicious eye* *one jealous eye*
*laughing* See? I bet you wish you had another.
Chickit. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Go in there and act like you know what you are doing. We’re depending on you.
Do you think I”ll be able to convince that mean chap? I mean, he was sorta thinking about calling the cops. I could tell. Or the pound. I’m not sure which he was going to call.
I think you should throw ice cream at him.
Yes, but what flavor?
Chocolate raspberry.
Mmm. Can I have some?
If you can catch up on me.
Let me get my running shoes.
I’m devious.
Can I be, too?
I believe, sir, that you already fit that appellant.
Ooo, fancy word there, madam.
I love turtles. When you eventually get your hands on one, can I come visit to see it? I’ll bring tasty snacks for us AND the turtle! Can’t say fairer than that! All you have to do is make tea – very civilized!
Tasty snacks! Mmmm…that’s a deal, the sudden. What will they be? Out of curiosity, of course. I’ll make cherry green tea. Is that acceptable? It’s the best.
And I’ll put the turtle in a cage…so he doesn’t snap.
I like the original chap! The alligator one is much too terrifying for my taste.
He is a beast, isn’t he? I mean, just look at that armor. I have a feeling that thing might be able to bite off a leg. Goodness.
Oh be honest! You just like that turtle because it looks like Clara! In fact, stick some lipstick on it and it’d be hard to tell them apart! I’m not sure it’s snapping – actually I think it’s dancing. I bet if we could see its feet it’s wearing a little pair of tap shoes.
Red ears would clash hideously with your pretty pink nose…
That is Clara? Wow
Now I think about it, I may have inadvertently insulted the turtle…
laughing
You sorta did… Or complimented sweet Clara.
Sweet Clara?!? *throws a major tantrum and bops Prof over the head with his guitar!!!*
My beautiful wonderful adorable guitar! Touch it not!
OK, I shall bop you with Kenny’s sax then…
Make it the soprano. I’d actually like that one.
But would it sound as good with a Professor’s-head-shaped bump in the… er… tube bit?
*laughs* Goodness…you hate me, the sudden.
No, no, not hate! I could never hate you, even though you’re the world’s most outrageous philanderer!
Since when! I’m so heartless it’s funny!!
It looks like Clara? Wow. Clara must be cute and have cool armor! And I bet Clara doesn’t wear lipstick, the sudden, don’t you know. *laughs* That’d be hilarious.
I don’t have a pink nose! *is adamant*
Oh, you do too! (Adam Ant?)
Clara cute?!? Hast the Professor found his lost heart… and then promptly given it away??? *grinds teeth* If she can’t even be bothered putting on a bit of lippy, she’s not good enough for you! Though she should probably go the whole hog and put a bag over her lopsided head! *growls*
*laughs* I see what you did there, and I dig.
Well you said it not me! Can’t blame this innocent bystander. *whistles and looks around* Listen, I’m sure you don’t have to worry about Clara. She hates me something awful, wouldn’t you know.
I most certainly did not!! She is as cute as the winner of the ugliest Thark competition! Ah, she’s just hiding her feelings! Your feelings, on the other hand, are an open book, sir!! *glares, growls and gruffles*
The professor’s feelings are never an open book! I hide them up my sleeve. She likes me then?
Why should you want to know that? Huh? HUH?!! What am I – your matchmaker?!!
Well, you said it! And girls understand girls. This is all so entertaining.
Aha the red eared slider! Finally, I get to see one of the buggers. They are super. But the alligator snapping turtle is quite something. Sort of reminds me of my Mum.
*laughing lots and lots* Your mum? That is hilarious. I’ll be laughing all day. I like the armor it wears! Isn’t that something? I need armor like that, the sudden.
Yes, armor just like my Mum’s *laughing lots* He has the same cranky face as her, too. Let’s all get armor!
*laughing lots* I’m going to tell your mum on you!
Reminds you of your mother how?
When she goes ‘RAARR!’ she looks very much like the snapping turtle :D
She reminds me of my sister, PorterGirl, all the time! She’s so dour!
My Mum is usually quite marvellous, but when she gets vicious she is quite a sight!!
Dour…what a cool word. I’ve never heard of it. *puts it in professor dictionary*
Why does she do that? ‘Cause I did it too and I was wondering if we were related.
She definitely doesn’t do it at me because I am so well-behaved and delightful :/ You two could be related – you are both quite naughty and with fearsome streaks. :)
Thank you. I feel that I just received a delightful complement.
Aha excellent! It was meant as such :D
Lucy behaved and delightful? Hahahahahahahaha…
That alligator snapping turtle would be a good watch-pet. But you can also get a red-eared slider since it has red in its name and seems very cute. You like red, don’t you?
I love red! But, see, that slider man wouldn’t be as good of a guard as the snapping beast. Do you think I should just steal a snapping turtle? Not sure where to get one, see. *makes visit to zoo*
A zoo is a good place to start.
Then work on a great escape plan. I’m digging.