Kodiak Bear vs Crocodile

professor speaksOkay, so the professor is quite unsure and vexed, the sudden.

See, I was debating with a friend, and this is how it went:

“I’m strong,” my friend said. “Like a crocodile.”

“Which isn’t too strong,” I said. “I’m strong like a Kodiak Bear.”

He laughed. “Dude, a croc is stronger than any bear.”

“Not a kodiak bear!”

“Yeah!”

“No!”

And then I started to have thinks. Was he right, do you suppose?

Okay, definitely fake eyes. Those are cameras.

Okay, definitely fake eyes. Those are cameras.

Don't mess with this bad boy.

Don’t mess with this bad boy.

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123 Responses to “Kodiak Bear vs Crocodile”


  1. 1 L. Marie February 1, 2016 at 15:02

    It’s hard to say. Both can weigh over one thousand pounds. Maybe it might be a draw?

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2016 at 14:15

      Ooo, a draw. Now that’s a thing. I like draws. Yes, how about a draw in the bear’s favor? *nods*

  2. 3 PorterGirl February 1, 2016 at 07:04

    The bear is a meaner looking fellow than the croc, that’s for sure. And FF is right – you probably are quite cuddly! *laughs*

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:56

      I am not cuddly! I’m like a cactus. Such a horrid warrior. People can’t even look on me!

      • 5 PorterGirl February 1, 2016 at 15:00

        *laughing lots* If you say so, Professor. I mean, who am I to argue? I always lose our arguments anyway. But you cannot stop me from thinking such things *thinks them*

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2016 at 14:15

        I’ll lop of your ears if you think such things! *searches for the lopping knife* I think I’ve lost it.

      • 7 PorterGirl February 2, 2016 at 14:20

        How vicious you are! However, seeing as the knife is lost… *thinks them even more*

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 13:43

        *laughing* I shall rampage for a thousand moons!

      • 9 PorterGirl February 3, 2016 at 13:44

        That is quite a rampage. *thinks it forever, and also other similar things that I couldn’t possibly make public*

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 13:56

        Oh wow wow wow! I shall…bring down houses. Hmm. Or, just have a cherry sucker. And throw darts, maybe.

      • 11 PorterGirl February 3, 2016 at 14:27

        *laughing lots* Just have a cherry sucker and calm down, dear. You will feel much better for it.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:18

        I’m calmer than a clam in the moon, I’ll have you know!

      • 13 PorterGirl February 3, 2016 at 21:34

        That is quite a striking image, you know. I bet a clam would be very happy on the moon.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2016 at 14:09

        I bet so, too. No sharks, for one.

      • 15 PorterGirl February 4, 2016 at 14:23

        Hmm! And probably nice and quiet. A great life for a clam, I say.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 14:52

        You know, I bet you’re right. It might be cold, tho.

      • 17 PorterGirl February 5, 2016 at 15:11

        I think it is quite toasty inside their little shells. But maybe they should pack a blanket.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:14

        And a few logs for a fire.

      • 19 PorterGirl February 8, 2016 at 15:24

        Now, it sounds like quite a super arrangement. But I have forgotten why we are talking about clams.

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:27

        Me too. I think it had something to do with the best holiday places for clams. The moon or something.

      • 21 PorterGirl February 8, 2016 at 15:34

        Oh yes, that sounds like the sort of thing we might talk about. We should set up a clam travel agency.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:15

        Imagine how rich we’d get! Paid in pearls, after all.

      • 23 PorterGirl February 9, 2016 at 14:17

        Imagine! It would be a wonder. The sudden, I feel I have been wasting my life.

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:24

        *nods* Isn’t that something? What a thingy. But, let’s just forget about it for now.

      • 25 PorterGirl February 9, 2016 at 14:25

        I have forgotten it already.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:25

        *laughing lots* Hmm. This is a thing.

      • 27 PorterGirl February 9, 2016 at 14:26

        See? I always do as I am told.

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 20:58

        Must break this habit!

      • 29 PorterGirl February 9, 2016 at 21:28

        *laughing lots*

  3. 30 John W. Howell January 30, 2016 at 01:46

    All a bear has to do is sit on the crock and it is over.

    • 31 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 21:06

      *laughing lots and lots* I love this reply! Yes, you know, I’m agreeing. Wish I had that power, don’t you?

      • 32 John W. Howell January 30, 2016 at 21:29

        Yes.

      • 33 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:39

        But then it would probably be hard to move about.

      • 34 John W. Howell February 1, 2016 at 21:56

        As a big bear? Naw just tell everyone to get out of the way.

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2016 at 14:20

        *Laughs* That’s the smartest thing to do.

  4. 36 Simply Skeptical January 29, 2016 at 22:51

    I really don’t think a croc would try to take down a kodiak (at least not a smart croc). And I do believe it would be his last attempted meal.

    • 37 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 21:06

      He probably couldn’t swallow it, huh?

  5. 38 walt walker January 29, 2016 at 22:47

    Agreed with A Mouse. The croc has the strength of ten bears in his chompers. But the bear can maul, and squeeze real hard to boot. A lightsaber would make quick work of either of them, though.

    • 39 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 21:05

      *sigh* I wish I had a lightsaber. Hey, Walt, can you get me one, please?

      • 40 walt walker January 31, 2016 at 01:55

        Yes.

        But…

        It’s going to cost you.

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:42

        Oh dear. How much?

      • 42 walt walker February 1, 2016 at 23:26

        Four bushels of corn.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2016 at 14:20

        I’ll get it from the Indians.

  6. 44 A. Mouse January 29, 2016 at 17:50

    A crocodile can bite harder but bears are better at mauling. So it depends on which way the fight is going! Personally, I wouldn’t want to do battle with either of them. Mice have better things to do than tangle with such beasts.

    • 45 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 21:05

      Mr. Mouse! Or is it Mrs. Mouse? Nice, nice. Yeah, mice are better suiting for spying. And spying is way cooler, I”d say, you know.

      • 46 A. Mouse January 30, 2016 at 21:07

        It’s Ms. Mouse, and yes, mice and foxes are much better at spying than fighting. Which automatically makes us way cooler!

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 21:09

        Ms. Mouse! Is that like Mrs.? These things confuse me, I must admit. Rats. It does make you cooler. But I can spy, too! At least, I attempt it.

      • 48 A. Mouse January 30, 2016 at 21:14

        Haha it’s close enough to assign a gender and that’s really all that matters.
        And how does the professor go about spying?

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:38

        Aha! I see, the sudden. Well, my spying starts like this: I dress in all-black, see, with a beanie (and sunglasses) then I go to some big house somewhere and sneak about.

      • 50 A. Mouse February 1, 2016 at 16:15

        Ooh, good form! The beanie is a nice touch, but wouldn’t the sunglasses make it hard to avoid things like coffee tables and alarm wires?

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2016 at 14:17

        *laughs* Ooo, good point. But, wait…the sudden, these are night seeing sunglasses!!

      • 52 A. Mouse February 2, 2016 at 18:08

        *Gasp* Game changer! Keep the sunglasses!

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 13:51

        I know! I think they’re so spicy.

  7. 54 Heartafire January 29, 2016 at 16:48

    Well, it’s not enough. The Kodiak bear is unlikely to meet up with a croc so it’s a moot point…fun though.

    • 55 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 20:56

      Oh no. I bet they could meet! *imagines*

      • 56 Heartafire January 30, 2016 at 21:03

        This would make a good “chiller”…a lost Kodiak wandering the everglades. Jotting notes…

      • 57 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 21:08

        With eyeglasses. He must have eyeglasses. The Kodiak. That’d be something.

      • 58 Heartafire January 30, 2016 at 21:15

        ..horned rim, scholarly. We will call him Dr. Kodiak.

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:39

        That’s a very dignified nam.e

      • 60 Heartafire February 1, 2016 at 14:55

        I’m glad you’re on board with that. Mr. Croc is undignified.

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:58

        But beastly, too, you must admit.

      • 62 Heartafire February 1, 2016 at 17:22

        yes, I do like that…Dr. Croc, has a ring to it. Beastly.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2016 at 14:17

        And maybe even sweet.

      • 64 Heartafire February 2, 2016 at 15:07

        He would of course lose all his credibility…I mean, Dr. Croc?

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 13:46

        Yeah. It’d be a tough life for him, that’s for sure.

      • 66 Heartafire February 3, 2016 at 14:26

        Dr Croc…very intimidating, probably a psychiatrist!

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:18

        With a very bad temper!

      • 68 Heartafire February 3, 2016 at 22:04

        I like my pshyciatrist with a temper, gives me something to sink my id into.

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2016 at 14:10

        Haha. But be careful!

      • 70 Heartafire February 4, 2016 at 14:15

        Oh, they know all, see all, but say nothing…what’s with that?

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 14:52

        I know. Frustrating. You must drag the info from them.

  8. 72 Heartafire January 29, 2016 at 16:45

    Being a native Floridian, my guess is that bear better stay clear of the croc. ’nuff said. :)

    • 73 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 20:55

      Do you have a pet croc, Hollie?

      • 74 Heartafire January 30, 2016 at 21:02

        Can I call shoes a pet? I once rowed the St. Johns and like giant logs with eyes, they watched from the river bank resting beneath the spanish moss, mock smiling. shivers.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 21:08

        *laughing lots* Now that is something. I suppose it left a mark on you? I mean, was scary and whatnot.

      • 76 Heartafire January 30, 2016 at 21:14

        No, no marks…I stared them down and later made shoes.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:38

        *laughs* Wow. That was a mighty deed that you performed right there, madam.

      • 78 Heartafire February 1, 2016 at 14:52

        I wanted the shoes :)

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:57

        I want some too, the sudden, please.

      • 80 Heartafire February 1, 2016 at 17:25

        I’m selling a pair on Ebay…mens. He had it coming.

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2016 at 14:17

        Who? Who? Now I’m like an owl.

      • 82 Heartafire February 2, 2016 at 15:05

        While I was rowing the St. Johns, up above the crocs, in the brushy crown of the cyrpress, a Boreal Owl sat watching, I took that as a sign of good luck so I swung in really close to the croc, that’s where I lost Frederick. Poor chap.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 13:46

        Oh no. What happened to Frederick?

      • 84 Heartafire February 3, 2016 at 14:29

        I’m sworn to secret on that, Frederick doesn’t want it to hit the tabloids.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:18

        But…I won’t tell!

      • 86 Heartafire February 3, 2016 at 22:03

        very well then, rather than go into detail, I will just tell you Fredick is known as stumpy now.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2016 at 14:10

        Oh, poor chap.

      • 88 Heartafire February 4, 2016 at 14:14

        yes. thinking back with regret…was there anything I could have done differently?

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 14:51

        Given him something sweet, maybe?

  9. 90 desertdweller29 January 29, 2016 at 15:39

    Judging from that scene in The Revenant, I’d say bear. Messed poor Leo up. Score 1 for the Professor; 0 for the Dude. Wait…was this dude Nick? Where has he been as of late?

    • 91 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 20:51

      Nah, it wasn’t Nick. I’m not sure where he’s been. Such a beast, you know. I think I want to see that movie. Does Leo die?

      • 92 desertdweller29 January 30, 2016 at 22:53

        That is the question! Does he? Doesn’t he? Very suspenseful ending. But I will tell you, that bear toyed with him good…like a cat tosses around yarn. I think you’d like it…lots of vicious attacks. The Professor might get some ideas.

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:42

        But is it bloody? I might have to hide a bit, see.

  10. 94 Haylee January 29, 2016 at 15:26

    I’m choosing croc. Mainly because you’ve already pledged your allegiance to Team Bear rather than seeing sense and joining Team Lion!

    Also, crocs are ancient. You don’t survive for millennia unless you’re completely badass.

    And you’d not see it coming. Your chubby little Kodiak would be busy watching the salmon and thinking about its tum, whilst Mr.Croc was lying in wait, ready to ambush and take a chunk out bear’s neck. (Shush, yes I know salmon and crocs don’t appear in the same rivers but… He got lost. So he’s even angrier and deadlier!)

    Oh, and also I’m contrary. So if you choose croc, I’ll choose bear… 😉

    • 95 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 20:50

      Look at you! Choosing out of revenge! This is wickedness, Haylee!!

      And they have body armor. I wish I had body armor, you know.

      *laughing lots* My bear is not chubby, dadblameit! He’s just got lots of fur and fat, perfect for fending off a croc, mind you! A croc would take a lion too, don’t you know!!

      *professorish eye* Do you know, I still haven’t seen SW… *won*

      • 96 Haylee January 31, 2016 at 11:12

        Haha, I’m not wicked really, just that a little contention is more interestingly agreeable than… Well total agreement!

        I had forgotten about body armour though, so I shall agree on that… Your fat, sorry, muscular bear doesn’t stand a chance 😉 A lion still would. Professional courtesy as King of the beasts and all that.

        But wait, what? You’ve STILL not seen it? Please drop all instruments, whether torturous or musical, and go immediately. I have a good mind to fly out and drag you there myself, just to make sure you see it sometime this century!!

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:45

        You know, I have to respect that. After all, I love contention myself. It makes things more spicy.

        Oh, lions are all skin and bones, ’cause the lady lions–I heard–eat everything. See?

        I know, can you believe this? Goodness. It must be your fault.

      • 98 Haylee February 1, 2016 at 14:55

        Oh, I do like my spices! However, I shall not take the blame for your film watching inability. This is not the scapegoat you are looking for…

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:58

        *laughing lots* Well…if you gave me a cool spoiler…maybe I would go…

      • 100 Haylee February 1, 2016 at 15:20

        Why you’d want it ruining is beyond me but okay… Han and Leia haven’t seen each other in years, after Han finds out she had a fling with Chewy. He crashes the Millennium Falcon into a planet, far, far away after drowning his sorrows and spend many years hitchhiking around the galaxy. He later writes a book called ’42 is the key’.
        Meanwhile, rumour has it that James Bond has infiltrated the Storm Troopers but it is uncertain whether, following the death of M, he has gone rogue or is working under the direction of the British Government.
        R2 has a new puppy, C3P0 has a partial upgrade and Lord Voldermort is on a throne, somewhere.
        All, or some, of this is true… NOW GO SEE IT!!!! Please :)

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2016 at 14:16

        *laughs* How much of this is true? About 10% I bet! Now, I should go see it, you’re right. But I wouldn’t be able to stand anyone beating up the Sith! Does that happen?

      • 102 Haylee February 2, 2016 at 15:01

        You’ve used up your spoiler related questions, sorry! 🤐

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 13:46

        *laughing* Maybe I”ll take Mom and go and see it, dadblaemti!

  11. 104 Amanda Lyle January 29, 2016 at 14:57

    That’s one badass bear! He’d take the croc out, any day! That’s my profession opinion, anyway!

    • 105 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 20:47

      *laughs* You’re professional opinion is awesome! I dig it lots. But know I feel bad for the croc you just killed. Done what you’ve looked!

  12. 106 Debbie January 29, 2016 at 14:45

    Professor, I think the answer to your question is, It depends on what your definition of “strong” is. From what I can tell, a crocodile — with its armorlike covering and powerful jaws — probably can take a bear any day. The bear, of course, has strength in its upper body and forearms. Personally, I wouldn’t want to have a croc grab my arm in its teeth and hang on! (Not that I’d want to be swiped by a bear paw either!) Anyway, the kodiak is definitely cuter…and looks more cuddly. And I imagine there are more toy stuffed bears than there are crocodiles, so there’s that.

    • 107 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 20:45

      That’s a good point right there, Debbie. The croc has body armor. We can and must be jealous of that. But are you sure about the Kodiak being cuter? I mean, crocs have cool eyes, see.

  13. 108 FictionFan January 29, 2016 at 14:25

    The Kodiak bear is definitely stronger. And, more important, cuddlier! I don’t suppose there’s any chance you actually are a Kodiak bear? *wistful face* Anyway, your friend is obviously wrong – it is a rule of physics that any sentence that begins with “Dude” is automatically nonsense…

    The thing is, though – you’re still wrong too! ‘Cos my heroic Professor is undoubtedly stronger than the strongest bear! (But not quite as cuddly… though it’s close…)

    • 109 walt walker January 29, 2016 at 22:43

      I was going to ‘like’ this because of the part about sentences beginning with dude. It made me chortle. But then there was all that cuddly talk, and I couldn’t, so I’m leaving this here comment instead to say thanks for the chortle. :)

      • 110 FictionFan January 29, 2016 at 23:19

        *laughs* Well, I can see why you might not think the bear’s cuddly, but surely you can’t argue about the Professor…

      • 111 walt walker January 29, 2016 at 23:24

        I do think the bear is cuddly, but I fear the business end of the Professor’s katana.

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 21:06

        Very warrior-esque of you Mr. Walt. OF course I’m not cuddly, since I’m a heartless warrior. *eyes both WW and Effie*

      • 113 FictionFan January 31, 2016 at 15:04

        Ah, but it is your cuddliness that makes you unique amongst heartless warriors!! It makes you so… enigmatic…

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:49

        You only think I’m cuddly ’cause I’m vicious. I think that’s what is must be. *nods*

      • 115 FictionFan February 1, 2016 at 17:37

        Yes, of course that’s the reason! *crosses fingers behind back*

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2016 at 14:17

        I’m going…to rampage!!

    • 117 Professor VJ Duke January 30, 2016 at 20:44

      The professor? A bear? *Considers* That is rather cool, I must admit. Only, I’m not sure a bear would have room for a katana. What about that? *laughing* Not a fan of dude, Effie? Can’t say I am either…but I use it!

      *face brightens* Me? Stronger than the strongest bear? Cool! But I’m not sure about the cuddly part. I’m not cuddly at all. I’ve got…horns, for instance.

      • 118 FictionFan January 31, 2016 at 15:09

        Dude, you’d have such huge claws you’d have no need for a katana! But you could carry it in your teeth if you liked – very warriorish!

        The thing is that if I think you’re cuddly, then you must be – that’s just simple logic! See? So you might as well admit it. And horns would just make you cute as well as cuddly… but obviously still fearfully ferocious!! *trembles*

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke February 1, 2016 at 14:50

        *laughs* So funny to hear you say that! That’s a good point. I’d have two katanas on my hands! *impressed*

        Hmm. I get the feeling that there’s nothing I can do to be very spooky. *eyes FEF*

      • 120 FictionFan February 1, 2016 at 17:39

        I’m thinking it might become one of your names…

        *laughs but tries to hide it* It is strange but true that whatever you say or do just seems to make you cuddlier…

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke February 2, 2016 at 14:18

        How about V…that’s my fight name, I think. V. That just sounds mean.

        *hangs head* I’m finished, huh?

      • 122 FictionFan February 2, 2016 at 18:57

        Impressive! I shall call you that next time we’re fighting then…

        *chuckles*

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 13:52

        V…I can see me in the octagon now!


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