Falling Without Reason, Really

Without falling, there is no climbing; without climbing, there is not reaching the peak.

V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

UntitledAs soon as I stepped out of Fats Henry’s house, it came to me, the sudden, like a wave hitting the  beach:

The professor hadn’t eaten in quite some time. 

No wonder I was feeling a bit dizzy.

The wound was the cause of that, true, but some food would help.

Now, how to get off Fat Man Island?

I looked about. Then looked about again. Because that’s what people do when they don’t know what to do.

Then I looked about a third time–just for kicks, giggles, and antidotes.


But then my left eye caught sight of something rather spicy.

Oh, goodness!! Check out this professor's left eye! #cool

Oh, goodness!! Check out this professor’s left eye! #cool

You see, at the edge of the island, there was this ladder.

Very much so like this, see.

Very much so like this, see.

And it was all curled up.

This professor walked over to it, slowly, looking for any villains that could be lurking about.

Nothing. Coast clear.

I kicked the ladder over the island.

And it fell.

The professor leaned over, taking a peek.

It fell down through the clouds, obscuring my view. Hopefully, the ladder went all the way to land.

I made sure the pack carrying the katana (both halves, mind) was safely secured to my back, then I swung a foot over, and started to descend.

Soon, the professor was floating with the clouds.


That’s when I got to thinking: What if Fat Man Island wasn’t over land? What if it was currently over water? (It floats and moves about, see.)

That’d be a thing.

Now, here’s another thing: The professor, you must understand, is not a horrible swimmer, he’s just no good at it.

I was hoping many times over that I would end up on land. Oh dear me.


Then I started to think again. This time, it was a bit different:

See, I was dizzy from lack of food and my wound. How smart was it to be climbing down a ladder?

Not very. Then again, it’s something Hector would do. And Hector was the professor’s mentor, don’t you know.

He was. (Before he died, but enough of that sad tale.)

I climbed and climbed. For hours and hours. The professor was, the sudden, like a lemur, jumping between trees to get bugs. Only I wasn’t jumping between trees or getting bugs, see.

The professor.

The professor.

It was completely dark now. The professor couldn’t see a thing.

That’s when I heard it.


No mistaking it.

Fats Henry was roaring about something.

The professor started to climb faster.

Then, it even got worse. The ladder started to go upwards.

“Dadblameit!” I said. “That fellow is pulling me back up!”

And that’s when I did a thing only very brave professors do: I jumped.

See, it was better to kill myself then get back in the hands of Henry. Plus, I’d been climbing for quite some time. Chances were I was near the bottom.

The professor fell like a rock.

Of course I didn’t scream at all.

PL Symbol


191 Responses to “Falling Without Reason, Really”

  1. 1 Sonya Solomonovich February 10, 2016 at 18:42

    Wow, professor you are very brave (or you really can’t stand Fats Henry)!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2016 at 14:43

      *laughs* That’s a good point. What was on the other side of that ladder was equally scary. Still…the adventure! I’m sure you would’ve tried it. You’re an adventurer, after all.

      • 3 Sonya Solomonovich February 15, 2016 at 14:47

        You know, I think I might have. Falling out of the sky is certainly an adventure!

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke February 15, 2016 at 15:25

        Like in furious 7! that was awesome.

      • 5 Sonya Solomonovich February 21, 2016 at 21:52

        It was a good movie, I take it? I have only seen 1, 3, and 5 out of that series, weirdly enough.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke February 22, 2016 at 14:42

        I really liked it…you must see 6 and 7!

  2. 7 bardictale February 6, 2016 at 21:32

    Oh, dear. I hope you didn’t hit your head.

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:26

      Well, it was a bit sore. Some cherry tea might fix it!

      • 9 bardictale February 8, 2016 at 16:32

        Well, here you go then! Also, a cookie.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:17

        Cookie! What kind?

      • 11 bardictale February 9, 2016 at 15:14

        Um. Tahini? Just made a batch for my student.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 21:01

        I love it! Thanks muches, Bard.

  3. 13 Heartafire February 6, 2016 at 16:23

    It would have been polite to shout out a “Fore” before plumeting into the unsuspecting below. I like that red eye…it’s fiercesome!

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:26

      Scary, too! Yes…where were you with the pillow to catch me, tho?

      • 15 Heartafire February 8, 2016 at 16:05

        Who needs a pillow. I was there, arms outstretched…missed you by inches! Dadblamit!

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:16

        *laughs* Rats! It was close. I thank you for trying. I think.

      • 17 Heartafire February 9, 2016 at 18:53

        Perhaps strapping yourself to a tether would be a good plan, be sure the other end is tied to something as well. :D

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 21:12

        We don’t want me falling, after all.

      • 19 Heartafire February 9, 2016 at 21:12

        no, mustn’t do that. It doesn’t end well.

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 21:14

        Unless I float.

      • 21 Heartafire February 9, 2016 at 21:35

        floating is good…parachutes work or a sturdy towel and safety pin.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2016 at 13:47

        Safety pins scare me!

      • 23 Heartafire February 10, 2016 at 14:34

        Oh…we do have a problem. How do you feel about velcro?

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2016 at 14:30

        I kinda get stuck to it at times…

      • 25 Heartafire February 11, 2016 at 14:41

        getting loose can be sticky.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2016 at 14:45

        I hate getting sticky. *throws honey away*

      • 27 Heartafire February 11, 2016 at 14:51

        oh, such an icky thing, the sticky honey. The Bees planned this just annoy us!

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2016 at 14:22

        I hate bees! Always stinging and buzzing!

      • 29 Heartafire February 12, 2016 at 14:24

        are you holding the honey bees captive? I heard some have gone missing.:)

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2016 at 14:40

        Well…just a few! Is it okay?

      • 31 Heartafire February 12, 2016 at 16:02

        they’ve been reported missing. Set them up in a little tree condo, wear your beekeeper suit.

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2016 at 20:56

        I don’t have a beekeeper suit… *Cries*

      • 33 Heartafire February 12, 2016 at 21:00

        Im knitting one for you…cheer up!

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2016 at 21:05

        Oh boy! Very excited now.

      • 35 Heartafire February 12, 2016 at 21:07

        it’s wool…that’s ok right?

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke February 15, 2016 at 15:10

        Oh wool is nice. And fuzzy. And tickly.

      • 37 Heartafire February 15, 2016 at 15:31

        It will keep you alert and the bee’s will soon lose interest in hanging out with you.

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2016 at 14:08

        I hope they don’t sting too much.

      • 39 Heartafire February 16, 2016 at 16:15

        the bees or the wool beekeeper suit that I am toiling with …knit 1, purl 1. So confusing.

  4. 40 walt walker February 4, 2016 at 01:51

    That’s the thing about floating islands. You never know what you might be floating over. And then what? How are you supposed to get down from them? Better to vacation on something solid. Or attached to the planet, I mean. But then I know what you will say, I know. How will I get down from the planet, you say. I know. I don’t know how, though. I don’t know.

    • 41 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2016 at 14:14

      *laughing lots and lots* Well. The thing is tho: Why would you need to get down from a planet, see? It might not need done, see. You’ll be fine, see.

  5. 42 John W. Howell February 3, 2016 at 23:12

    Didn’t scream? How do you know you wouldn’t fall on some hapless victim who would have no idea you were falling at 32 feet per second per second (Max V) if you didn’t gibe them some warning like a scream. I hope you apologize to whoever is under you.

    • 43 John W. Howell February 3, 2016 at 23:12


    • 44 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2016 at 14:12

      *mouth opens* I didn’t even think on that! I see now. A scream would have been fine, since it was a warning that I was coming. Oh dear. You should’ve told me this earlier!

      • 45 John W. Howell February 4, 2016 at 15:33

        Well, if I had known you were going to jump I could have warned you.

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 14:58

        That’s true. I didn’t tell you, did I? *kicks himself*

      • 47 John W. Howell February 5, 2016 at 17:38

        Nope. I got the news after the fact. Its okay though you landed on land.

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:18

        I was lucky, you know. I’m full of that stuff.

      • 49 John W. Howell February 8, 2016 at 23:47

        I’m thinking you are. I thought I saw you on stage at the Super bowl halftime show playing base for Coldplay.

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:23

        *laughs* He was a cool bass player. I do take that as a compliment. Now, should we be cranky the Broncos won? Since they beat the Pats and Steelers?

      • 51 John W. Howell February 9, 2016 at 15:38

        We need to be gracious and be glad for Manning.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 21:02

        Whatever for why?!

      • 53 John W. Howell February 9, 2016 at 23:44

        Cause he is an old warrior.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2016 at 13:50

        I love old warriors, the sudden.

      • 55 John W. Howell February 10, 2016 at 13:51

        See. I knew you would.

  6. 56 Simply Skeptical February 3, 2016 at 20:55

    Of course the Professor didn’t scream. ONly the bravest of the brave would have jumped and not screamed. Go Prof. You’ll out wit that tub again. Yeah!!!!

    • 57 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:28

      *laughs* The tub! Henry is sorta like that. I will try, I promise.

  7. 58 kedslover February 3, 2016 at 19:27

    Your posts kill me every time XD

    • 59 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:27

      Haha, thanks bunches! Wasn’t that brave jumping? That was something.

      • 60 kedslover February 4, 2016 at 00:10

        It really was. You’ve made me proud!

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2016 at 14:13

        *laughs* Many thanks! But I don’t recommend trying that at home, don’t you know.

      • 62 kedslover February 4, 2016 at 15:07

        Oh…*mentally cancels plans for tomorrow afternoon*

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 14:57

        *laughing* You already had it planned! Well, if you do it…make sure to have a parachute, you know, you know…

      • 64 kedslover February 6, 2016 at 00:18

        Oh, right, that. Cool. I’ll, uh, secure one as soon as I can.

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:25

        Haha. Make it a red one, please.

      • 66 kedslover February 9, 2016 at 16:34

        Of course, what else? :D

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 21:05

        Just making sure it won’t be pink or purple or purple or pink.

      • 68 kedslover February 9, 2016 at 22:02

        *gasp* Judge me by my gender, do you?

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2016 at 13:49

        Haha…maybe? But probably not. You must admit, that’s a good, proper and safe answer right there.

      • 70 kedslover February 10, 2016 at 17:43

        How bout yellow? Is yellow appropriate?

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2016 at 14:35

        Oh yeah! Yellow is great. The only thing…bees might be attracted to you!

      • 72 kedslover February 11, 2016 at 15:25

        Aw, darn. Maybe I’m not cut out for this sort of thing, Professor.

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2016 at 14:22

        How about you borrow my black one? It opens about 50% of the time.

      • 74 kedslover February 12, 2016 at 22:21

        That’s fairly good odds. I think I’ll take my chances.

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke February 15, 2016 at 15:12

        You’re making me want to jump again! It was such fun, after all.

      • 76 kedslover February 15, 2016 at 15:43

        Hey! I have an idea! Let’s plan a day trip! :D

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke February 16, 2016 at 14:09

        Let’s do it! That’ll be just one of the things we do, I say. More dastardly schemes to follow.

      • 78 kedslover February 16, 2016 at 17:53

        Oh yes. *rubs palms together* I could get used to this.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke February 18, 2016 at 14:55

        That’s the spirit! We just have to get you a black hood and a katana.

      • 80 kedslover February 19, 2016 at 22:35

        Yes! I am seriously loving this idea :D

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke February 22, 2016 at 14:36

        It’ll be more epic then jumping off a waterfall.

      • 82 kedslover February 23, 2016 at 00:28

        Which is precisely why I’m doing it!

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke February 23, 2016 at 13:47

        Right. There’s a high mortality rate to jumping off a waterfall. It’s not recommended.

      • 84 kedslover February 23, 2016 at 16:01

        Except by you, if I may assume?

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke February 24, 2016 at 14:25

        Oh yes, I recommend it, and I’ve done it one, two, or three times. It’s fun. Especially if you bellow as you fall. *nods*

      • 86 kedslover February 24, 2016 at 18:34

        Very loudly too, am I right?

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2016 at 14:37

        Oh yes. As you fall it just sorta comes out, you know. It’s…exhilarating.

      • 88 kedslover February 29, 2016 at 18:15

        I can’t wait. I’ve already ordered a helicopter.

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke March 1, 2016 at 02:11

        Ordered one? Ooo…I need you to fly me around the world, the sudden!!

      • 90 kedslover March 2, 2016 at 20:52

        But of course! Who else would I have such fun traveling with?

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2016 at 14:40

        *smiles lots* Oh goody goody. Yes, this will be an epic adventure of epic proportions. *nods again*

      • 92 kedslover March 5, 2016 at 23:38

        *nods back* I’m so terribly excited. Although I’ve got to be back before eleven o’clock at night, or I’ll be grumpy the next day.

      • 93 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2016 at 20:46

        Yeah, same here. It’s a shame. You know, us spies should be able to stay up to all sorts of wicked hours.

      • 94 kedslover March 8, 2016 at 16:25

        But unfortunately, sleep seems to be important in our daily lives, for some strange reason.

      • 95 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2016 at 14:36

        I know. It’s a thing. Maybe it’s because we like dreams. I fight in my dreams, you know.

      • 96 kedslover March 10, 2016 at 03:23

        Oh really? Wow! That sounds so impressive!

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke March 10, 2016 at 14:05

        It’s fun! But I’m always losing. Dadblameit.

      • 98 kedslover March 13, 2016 at 20:02

        Good thing practice makes perfect! Keep dreaming, Professor!

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke March 14, 2016 at 14:10

        I shall try! *nods* I wanna dream about fighting in Rome next. Like a barbarian.

      • 100 kedslover March 18, 2016 at 00:16

        Professor Gladiator?

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke March 18, 2016 at 14:40

        Ooo yes! Imagine that fighting name! Capital, I say.

      • 102 kedslover March 21, 2016 at 18:42

        *nods* I agree! Go get ’em!

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke March 22, 2016 at 14:35

        *runs to the arena*

      • 104 kedslover March 22, 2016 at 17:38

        *applauds loudly*

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke March 23, 2016 at 14:02

        Ah, thank you! This will be fun. If I start losing, jump in help, if you’d like.

      • 106 kedslover March 27, 2016 at 20:09

        Ah yes! I probably won’t be of much assistance in combat, but I’m an extra set of hands when needed, I suppose.

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke March 28, 2016 at 14:16

        Well…I’m sure you’re a warrior deep down in. We must train you with the spear, then.

      • 108 kedslover March 29, 2016 at 11:35

        Please do! I can use all the help I can get!

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke March 29, 2016 at 12:59

        Me too! *hands a katana over*

      • 110 kedslover March 29, 2016 at 15:22

        Awesome! Let’s do this! *scrunches eyebrows together in an effort to look fierce*

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke March 30, 2016 at 13:06

        You look totally fierce! Here, have some warpaint, too.

      • 112 kedslover April 3, 2016 at 18:38

        Yeah! Football player-esque or more like an Indian?

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke April 3, 2016 at 20:53

        Umm…both! *stands back and looks* Yeah! Looking good and fierce, madam!

      • 114 kedslover April 4, 2016 at 17:31

        Why thank you! I feel so…powerful >:)

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke April 5, 2016 at 13:47

        That’s the spirit! *Fist thingy*

      • 116 kedslover April 5, 2016 at 15:20

        Yeah! *reaches out and then stops with a confused expression* Wait, can the fist thingy explode?

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke April 6, 2016 at 14:12

        Oh no. It’s never done that for me, promise. But there’s always a first. I think we’re safe.

      • 118 kedslover April 6, 2016 at 20:33

        *wipes forehead* Whew! *completes fist thingy*

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2016 at 16:56

        Fist thingies make everything better.

      • 120 kedslover April 11, 2016 at 19:53

        Always, Professor!

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke April 12, 2016 at 13:20

        It’s just a scientific law.

      • 122 kedslover April 12, 2016 at 15:46

        It makes perfect sense, too. They must be filled with cheer.

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke April 13, 2016 at 13:42

        I think they are–like cherry cider.

      • 124 kedslover April 13, 2016 at 18:30

        *gasps* Like Cheerwine?

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2016 at 13:36

        Ooo! What’s that?

      • 126 kedslover April 14, 2016 at 17:41

        The better version of cherry Coke! Tis my favorite soda ever in the history of the world.

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2016 at 13:03

        This is cool! You like cherry, then. Plus, I’ve gotta try this. I’ve just got to.

      • 128 kedslover April 17, 2016 at 23:02

        Yes, you must! Please tell me when you do—I assure you, your world will be turned upside down.

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2016 at 12:48

        You’ve excited me beyond what I thought possible!

      • 130 kedslover April 18, 2016 at 17:28

        Oooh, then hopefully you’ll like it just as much as I do or else we’ll be in a very awkward situation!

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2016 at 13:02

        *laughs* Nah, if I don’t like it, I shall ship them all to you forthwith!

  8. 132 Haylee February 3, 2016 at 18:28

    Desperate times! Flinging yourself into the ether was foolish, yet I can’t deny it’s a very exciting cliff hanger. Or ladder hanger. Well, you’re neither really now, are you?
    Your eye reminds me of Sauron. I imagine you’d like to rule them all, so it’s definitely fitting. And Sithy.

    • 133 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:27

      *laughs* A ladder hanger! I love it, the sudden. Niceness. It was brave, you must admit, tho.

      Cool. Couldn’t you see me in commands of thousands of orcs? Even nicer.

  9. 134 Debbie February 3, 2016 at 16:41

    Professor, as another person who’s NOT fond of swimming, I applaud your courage in climbing down a ladder into possible water! But that cherry-colored eye is just plain creepy! Obviously Photoshopped, you know. As for the Lemur, why, he’s really cute — and a bit sneaky-looking. And he has a professorish look about him, too!

    • 135 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:23

      Swimming is just… *shudders* Well, I just found the eye online. But I think it’d be cool to have red eyes. Imagine! People would get very scared about that sort of thing. *laughs* He is, isn’t he?

  10. 136 desertdweller29 February 3, 2016 at 15:50

    Me thinks the Professor was dreaming. #eyecolornotcool

    • 137 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:22

      *mouth drops to the rocks* Not cool?! You don’t mean it!

      • 138 desertdweller29 February 4, 2016 at 01:43

        Hahah! Totally messing with you PVJ. You know I think you’re #toocool

      • 139 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2016 at 14:13

        I like the hashtags, you know. *laughs* The professor is a bit awkward, I think.

  11. 140 L. Marie February 3, 2016 at 15:11

    What an amazing eye! What color is the right one? Just checking. You could have heterochromia iridum for all I know. I assume you survived that leap of faith.

    • 141 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:22

      Whoa. What’s a heterochromia iridum? *Very impressed* It’s red, tho. Both red. Cool. I think I did, yes. Would you have jumped? I’m not sure I should’ve done it.

      • 142 L. Marie February 4, 2016 at 14:03

        I totally would have jumped! Heterochromia iridum is when you’re born with eyes that are two different colors or eyes with more than one color. Like Mila Kunis and Kate Bosworth.

      • 143 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2016 at 14:15

        I didn’t know that! Very super cool. Sadly, the professor has this not. Maybe by jumping I can get it? We must hope.

  12. 144 FictionFan February 3, 2016 at 15:08

    Your left eye is like a beautiful glowing ruby! *plucks it out and wears it on a chain*

    I fear for you – bravery is so close to… well, not to put too fine a point on it… silliness, sometimes. However, I’ve mobilised the Feminists and we’ve collected up lots of mattresses. And if we can ever figure out where you’re going to land (or splash) we’ll be there! Sadly, at this moment, we don’t have a clue, so we’re having coffee and cake while we think about it…

    • 145 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:20

      *laughs* Hey, hey! It’s not for the taking!!

      Well, how about I start singing really, really loudly. Then you can hear me and get the mattress there? That sounds splendid. Save some tea and cake for me, please. What if Henry jumps after? Might be a crushing thing.

      • 146 FictionFan February 4, 2016 at 16:13

        It’s a pity you don’t have three eyes, and I could have matching earrings…

        Well, it depends what you sing – the Feminists are a bit picky about lyrics, you know, you know. Try this one.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qoivS9nbrc

        Oh, we’d have caught you and then pulled the mattress away real quick, so Henry… splat!!! *dreamy face*

      • 147 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 15:01

        It’s such a pity, it’s not the sudden–dadblameit!

        *laughing* What a funny song. As if shoes are that important! Still, it’s was a bit odd, you know.

        You know, I don’t think you belong with the Feminists…

      • 148 FictionFan February 5, 2016 at 19:04

        I’m gobsmacked! I never thought you’d be so selfish! *shakes head*

        Oh, some women (not the Feminists, though) think shoes are just about the most important thing in the world! Next to handbags, or as you colonialists would say, purses…

        *laughs and laughs* You don’t?? The odd thing is I think that’s probably a compliment…

      • 149 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:21

        I’m horribly selfish about eyes, you should know! *puts on goggles*

        Shoes! What a thing. I should get red shoes. Now that would be another thing. *laughs* Handbags? That’s so…ugly sounding!

        It’s the highest of compliments, haha!

      • 150 FictionFan February 8, 2016 at 18:45

        Hmm… OK. I suppose that’s fair enough. You can just send me three rubies from the jewelled katana instead. It won’t matter, since you’ve already broken it.

        They wouldn’t be good for when you’re in camouflage though. Tchah! Colonials! Always have to be different…

        *laughs* Then thank you! But don’t tell them, or I’ll be in big trouble…

      • 151 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:22

        *laughs* Imagine if I start using the jewels to buy things! Man I’d be dead then. *considers* What would you do with them?

        Good point. They’d only be for show. I didn’t come up with it! It’s the Colonial women who did it! Blame them, please.

        Oh, Feminists are easy to fight! *hands FEF a short sword*

      • 152 FictionFan February 9, 2016 at 18:32

        Oh, you’d still have the blade to fight with – assuming you get it fixed. I would turn them into the most beautiful jewellery the world has ever seen, and dazzle all who beheld me!! And then when they were totally bedazzled I’d make them bow before me and declare me Queen!!! *laughs maniacally* And then I’d own all the chocolate in the land!!

        Oh, I bet a Colonial man made them do it! Women are never to blame. You should know this by now!

        That’s what they want you to think… *shudders and grasps sword nervously*

      • 153 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 21:11

        Really? This is all for chocolate? You can’t like the stuff that much. I mean, I’ve heard it’s not good for you. What about that? And what if people refuse to give you any? But hoard it away. In the woods or something.

        If there’s one thing men would probably get rid of…it’s purses. And shoes!

        Haha. They only scare women. Of course, the professor fears nothing.

      • 154 FictionFan February 10, 2016 at 01:39

        Well, really it’s for the total power and domination, but chocolate makes me sound nicer, don’t you think? Chocolate may not be good for you, but no chocolate is even worse! Hah! The people would soon learn it’s best just to give me what I want… *laughs like the Ice Queen*

        Men! What do they know, poor little dears! They’re just against shoes ‘cos they find tying the laces so tricky…

        Then I shall hide behind you when they come…

      • 155 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2016 at 13:55

        Well, it makes you sound more like Wonka, too, which is a good thing, probably. He wears a purple suit, Wonka does. I’ve come to the conclusion, the sudden, that you’re infatuated with purple. Ooo, like the queen from Narnia?

        *laughs* I actually do find laces tricky… Shoes are a pain, in truth.

        Yes, yes. I shall smite!

      • 156 FictionFan February 10, 2016 at 18:18

        I am! It’s your fault – it’s ever since I saw how cute and adorable you looked in your delicious purple shirt! Now I’ve painted my whole house purple, dyed my hair purple and knitted little purple boots for the cats…

        *laughs lots and lots and LOTS* Nope, I can’t think of a single thing to add to that… *falls off chair*

        But don’t muss up their hair…

      • 157 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2016 at 14:41

        But…I’ve never worn a purple shirt! This is dadblamery, I tell you. No purple or pink shirts. That’s the rule, see. *nods decidedly* Purple hair dye? Goodness. What a thing.

        Oh come on! I keep them tied. It’s easier that way.

        If they have any…

      • 158 FictionFan February 11, 2016 at 16:44

        Yeah, not pink! Even girls shouldn’t wear pink. In fact, it should be done away with as a colour… But purple, now – that’s different!

        *laughs and laughs* You’re soooo c&a – really you are!!!

        *gasps* So brave!

      • 159 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2016 at 14:34

        Ah! You don’t like pink! Yeah, pink isn’t good for much. Sometimes girls use pink boxing gloves. I just don’t get it. *shakes head*

        *grumbles* I feel like I’ve been set up somehow…

        I’m very brave! Braver than a kodiak bear!!

  13. 160 Susan P February 3, 2016 at 14:58

    You need to leave the gaming and get busy on your work.;)

    • 161 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:19

      Gaming? What dost thou mean?

      • 162 Susan P February 3, 2016 at 22:17

        This time it means stop taking risks with your life and other peoples.

      • 163 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2016 at 14:11

        You mean I shouldn’t have jumped? Gosh.

      • 164 Susan P February 4, 2016 at 15:08

        Among other things, like eating my meatloaf.

      • 165 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 14:57

        Do you like meatloaf?

      • 166 Susan P February 5, 2016 at 22:56


      • 167 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:23

        See, that’s just the thing.

      • 168 Susan P February 8, 2016 at 16:43


      • 169 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:18

        For what?

      • 170 Susan P February 9, 2016 at 17:44

        An apology.

      • 171 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 21:07

        Whatever for, madam?

      • 172 Susan P February 9, 2016 at 22:35

        Well, if you don’t know I’m not going to tell you.

      • 173 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2016 at 13:49

        Humph noodles. *pouts*

  14. 174 PorterGirl February 3, 2016 at 14:49

    Professor! Your left eye is delightful! Now, what of the right eye? I think you were most brave in your descent of the ladder and the great leap of faith at the end. No screaming, huh? Are you sure not even a tiny squeak slipped out? Ah, Hector would be so proud!

    • 175 Professor VJ Duke February 3, 2016 at 21:19

      The right eye…is the same! I’ve got red eyes. *proud* Of course! Not even a grunt. I did sing on the way down, though. I was singing Chicago.

      • 176 PorterGirl February 3, 2016 at 21:36

        I should have guessed about the right eye! Just don’t do the professorish eye… *shudders*
        *laughing lots* What a thing! How very valiant.

      • 177 Professor VJ Duke February 4, 2016 at 14:10

        I shall not. It seems I’m forgetting how to do it. Hm. Rats.

      • 178 PorterGirl February 4, 2016 at 14:24

        Oh… really? Aha, then in that case I shall get up to all sorts of teasing and naughtiness without fear of it *wicked cackle*

      • 179 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 14:53

        A cackle? Now that is a thing, don’t you know.

      • 180 PorterGirl February 5, 2016 at 15:12

        It is for when I am feeling especially wicked.

      • 181 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:14

        Which is probably all the time.

      • 182 PorterGirl February 8, 2016 at 15:24

        Hmm! Pah. You know me too well.

      • 183 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:28

        I’m sweet in comparison.

      • 184 PorterGirl February 8, 2016 at 15:34

        As sweet as a honeycomb, if I remember correctly…

      • 185 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:15

        And I’ve just thought of something…honeycombs aren’t sweet!!

      • 186 PorterGirl February 9, 2016 at 14:17

        Then you are a paradox and an enigma, dear Professor.

      • 187 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:24

        And five beasts!

      • 188 PorterGirl February 9, 2016 at 14:25

        Only five?

      • 189 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:26


      • 190 PorterGirl February 9, 2016 at 14:26


      • 191 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 20:58

        *is proud*

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
9. Togoggin
10. Gargonic
11. Two and Five Gurgles
12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
17. Ri-do-diculous


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