Dodging Festivities

In a crowd it’s possible to hide effectively; it’s also possible to get trampled effectively. 

V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

UntitledI wasn’t falling for too longly long. In fact, as soon as I jumped, I hit the ground.

But there was a bit of a fall.

This is terrifyingly confusing, isn’t it?

What this professor means to say is that it wasn’t a long fall.

But I did hit with a thud.

And I landed on my back.

Sadly, this professor landed right in the middle of some sort of festival.

There were all sorts of people about, dressed in fancy things–with masks. All different types of masks, too: small, large, black, purple, gray, yellow, lavender (same as purple, only uglier) and Jacob Masks.

It was a festival, for sure.

Something like this. Only it wasn't a painting. And it was night.

Something like this. Only it wasn’t a painting. And it was night.

It was quite noisy.

The professor got to his feet as quickly as an ant runs when about to be crushed.

I came that close to getting trampled myself.

The professor made sure the pack was safe, then–

Bang!

“Watch it!” some mean, wicked person shouted, banging past me.

I got hit again, on the other side, by a couple roughly dancing about to some sort of rotten music.

Then it became obvious: It was a game of dodge.

And the professor started bobbing, weaving, dodging, and spinning about.

As I moved, it became clear as to where I was. The professor had fallen somewhere into Medieval England, probably very close to King Arthur’s castle.

This was a weird thingy, for sure.

And also perfect.

Since this was the medieval age, after all, there was bound to be someone about who could fix the katana. Blacksmith, see.

Perfection. Sweet-sauce. Yo.

The professor made his way out of the little village (leaving the festival, see), and it was a little village, towards a huge tower-like thingy in the distance.

dscn2130

A path led up to it, and it was just sitting there on a hill. Quite like it deserved to be there.

A guard post or house, no doubting at all.

The professor approached quietly.

First thingy: Needed to find food.

Second thingy: Needed to take care of the dadblame wound.

When I came within an inch of the tower, two fellows in chain mail jumped out.

“Who goes there?”

Typical question, see.

A pike was pointed right at my chest, touching it, in fact.

Long_Pike

“Yes, who goes there?” the other guard repeated.

“None other than PVJ,” I answered.

The guards exchanged glances. “What’s he want?”

“Some food, I’d say, and some bandages.” 

The guards kept exchanging glances.

This was worrisome. Glancing guards are worse than biting spiders.

Quicker than a noodle, I turned, and took off, heading back towards the festival.

Something was up.

“Halt!”

“Come back here!”

It was a chase. A pursuit.

Too bad the katana was broken.

It wasn’t long before the professor was back in the festival, playing the game of dodge again.

“Watch it, man!” a guy said, as I ducked left.

But that’s the thing: Don’t duck left unless you know you can duck left.

I banged right into a lady, knocking her over.

In the process, the professor hit his head. That, combined with the wound and lack of food…was all it took.

I was out cold in a second, like a fly caught in an electrical surge.

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91 Responses to “Dodging Festivities”


  1. 1 Sonya Solomonovich February 12, 2016 at 14:59

    All right! I love the middle ages. Though it’s not a good place/time to be wounded as they didn’t have the best medical expertise. You’re going to have to rely on your natural resilience, professor.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2016 at 20:54

      I think you’re right. Dadblame their medical-ness! Still, it’s sorta fun having a drink in a tavern. I’ve never been in a tavern before, you know.

  2. 3 C.S. Wilde February 8, 2016 at 15:38

    Loool! Glancing guards are definitely worse than biting spiders. Or maaaaaaaaaybe…not! hehe

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:16

      Haha! Hey!! Good to see you. Yes, I think it is. Spiders aren’t that bad. They’ve got lovely legs, you know.

  3. 5 Jackie February 7, 2016 at 21:45

    You can’t get trampled if you hang from the ceiling.

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:27

      Ooo…a good point. Like a bat?

      • 7 Jackie February 8, 2016 at 16:14

        Yes, like a bat.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:17

        I like bats. They’re feisty creatures.

      • 9 Jackie February 9, 2016 at 14:18

        They are very cool creatures – cute too!

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:24

        You know, you’re one of the first ladies I know who admits that! I love bats.

      • 11 Jackie February 9, 2016 at 14:53

        Really? I guess bats have gotten a bad rap over the years. Silly people.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 20:59

        They so do! I don’t know why.

      • 13 Jackie February 9, 2016 at 22:59

        Some things in life are a mystery.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2016 at 13:50

        Like the professor, for instance.

  4. 15 Heartafire February 6, 2016 at 16:17

    Are you sure that’s King Arthur’s Castle. Looks a lot like the monolith from 2001…a space oddysey. I think they were into “Dodge” there as well. I had no idea you were such an athlete!

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:25

      But Hollie…I done banged into someone…now what’s up with that? A true athlete wouldn’t do that. *pouts*

      • 17 Heartafire February 8, 2016 at 16:06

        Banging into people? We will have to work on coordination. nods head, it’s decided.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:16

        Yes. I must. Maybe some football practice will help.

      • 19 Heartafire February 9, 2016 at 18:51

        I think standing on one foot while patting the top of your head will do.

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 21:11

        This might be hard, you know…

      • 21 Heartafire February 9, 2016 at 21:12

        Oh, it is…I can’t seem to do it, I am so lame.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 21:14

        Me too, the sudden. *takes a break.

  5. 23 walt walker February 5, 2016 at 03:18

    See here, now. How is it possible that even when you are not intentionally crashing a party, you are unintentionally crashing one? I didn’t know there were so many parties (I’m never invited) and I didn’t know that all of them were crashable in the end, one way or another.

    • 24 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 15:08

      What a perfect way to start a sentence. Grabs the attention, don’t you know. Well, Mr. Walt, you should just start showing up at parties. And then start crashing them. It’s fun. Something tells me you’d be a natural, too, you know.

  6. 25 Simply Skeptical February 4, 2016 at 22:56

    ZAP! out like a light. You’re in quite a pickle sir. A dream, and a frustrating one at that. That’s all this is. Easy out huh?

    • 26 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 15:08

      A dream…nah. This is real. I can tell ’cause I don’t feel like superman, see.

      • 27 Simply Skeptical February 8, 2016 at 23:59

        hee hee

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:23

        *bows*

  7. 29 Jackie February 4, 2016 at 20:04

    Falling like that is a dadblamery!

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 15:07

      Especially without a parachute!

      • 31 Jackie February 5, 2016 at 17:17

        I shudder at the thought of that!

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:15

        It might be fun for a bit.

  8. 33 Debbie February 4, 2016 at 19:40

    Professor, I fear you have a death wish! You keep moving between the frying pan and the fire. I’m 100 percent with FF here — lavender is NOT ugly!
    As for that wound, I think you’d have bled to death a long time ago if it were as bad as you keep complaining it is. And now you’ve gone and conked your noggin — you really must be more careful!
    As for the festivities, I think you’ve landed right in the middle of a Mardi Gras event. Let the good times roll!!

    • 34 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 15:07

      Well, of course I do! I’m a warrior after all. Mostly all the notable warriors have a death wish, you know. Lavender…is…but wait. FEF called it ugly, not me!

      *laughs* You have a great point there. I bet you’re right. Still, it’s fun complaining about it.

      What if I get crushed, tho?

  9. 35 John W. Howell February 4, 2016 at 18:44

    This is no time for a nap. Keep moving.

  10. 36 L. Marie February 4, 2016 at 17:12

    You seem to fall or get hit in the head a lot. You might check with Amelia or Clara to see if one of them has stuck a pin in a doll made with your likeness. Not that I believe in that sort of thing. But one of them might.

    • 37 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 15:06

      They wouldn’t…! Would they?! Amelia. I forgot all about her. She was worse than Clara, huh?

  11. 38 Don Chris February 4, 2016 at 16:54

    Such is life!!

    • 39 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 15:05

      A vexing pursuit, isn’t it?

  12. 40 desertdweller29 February 4, 2016 at 16:36

    Oh my…. This is quite serious. I think you may have been hit with cupid’s arrow! You have to watch out for that sort of thingy around this time of year. Next time duck! We can’t have our Professor all googly eyed and swoony. It would be blasphemy! Now who is this woman you ran into?

    • 41 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 15:05

      I’m not sure. But do you think I broke her neck? I hope not. I mean, it’s possible. We hit hard. Sorta like a slug hitting the pavement. It was dastardly.

      • 42 desertdweller29 February 6, 2016 at 16:37

        Why couldn’t you dodge this girl the way you’re dodging the possibility of cupid’s arrow!

        Well played. Well played indeed.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:26

        Oh, I’m so practiced at dodging the one. Hey, Clara might still like me, we can’t be sure.

  13. 44 Haylee February 4, 2016 at 16:18

    Although I’m disappointed that your fall was not more spectacular (sorry), dropping through some time travelling portal is quite exciting. You’ll be jousting in no time! Unless you wake up, attached to the rack…

    • 45 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 15:04

      The rack! Let’s hope not. Also, jousting would be good, but I’ve got no armor, you know. I bet you wanted to see this poor professor splat, didn’t you?!

      • 46 Haylee February 5, 2016 at 16:59

        Goodness no! I’m not that callous and you seem quite a nice chap really. Bounce a bit perhaps but not splat.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:15

        *laughs* I’m somewhat congenial, don’t you know.

  14. 48 FictionFan February 4, 2016 at 15:05

    Lavender is NOT ugly!!!!!!!!!

    Right, that’s the important bit out of the way…

    You see, had you learned to play rugby, rather than “foot”ball, you’d have been a much more artful dodger. But too late for that piece of advice now, I suppose… hmm! Perhaps you could suck the blood from your wound, thus solving both the hunger problem and the wound problem – presumably that’s what blood dieters would do. *helpful face*

    *throws bucket of icy water over Prof* Right! Up you get! Back into battle…

    • 49 Susan P February 4, 2016 at 15:18

      That’s the way FF. No slackers around here.

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 14:57

        I slack every other day.

      • 51 Susan P February 5, 2016 at 22:53

        I suspected as much.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:22

        And you can’t do a thing or two about it!

      • 53 Susan P February 8, 2016 at 16:37

        That’s right. Keep thinking that.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:18

        Hm. No I doubt it a bit. But just a bit.

      • 55 Susan P February 9, 2016 at 17:43

        You should visit Gandalf.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 21:06

        I think he’s evil.

      • 57 Susan P February 9, 2016 at 22:24

        He gave up his life to save other people. How can that be evil:?

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2016 at 13:49

        I think he wanted the ring lots.

    • 59 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 14:56

      I umm…uhh…did I say it was?

      *laughing lots* That’s not what blood dieters would do! A blood diet is just…you know what it is! Anyways, do you think there’s any chance I”ll fix the sword? I’m not sure. It’ll never be as good as it was, I fear. Rats and a Heifer. It’s all your fault, the sudden. Football! I must needs play again. *goes gets gloves*

      Now, I’m super, thank you very much! And cold!!

      • 60 FictionFan February 5, 2016 at 18:59

        You did, sir!!! You really must start reading your posts – they’re fun!

        But you could start a new trend! And as a bloodsucking hero, you might be offered a role in P&P&Z! Well, all you need is a very hot fire – you could burn all your Twain books! That should do it. My fault?!? I get the blame for everything around here! And I’m so sweet and innocent… *sweetly innocent face*

        *laughs lots* Happy I could help…

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:20

        *laughs* I do apologize…a bit!

        Now that’d be something. I’d be the King Zombie or something like that. Cool! Oh no, my Twain books look too nice on the shelf, don’t you know. #TwainRules *laughs* Innocent, maybe; sweet, no!

        I should retaliate!

      • 62 FictionFan February 8, 2016 at 18:39

        I accept… a bit!

        But I expect the zombies lose! You’d have to be one of the good guys, so Lizzie could be involved in a love triangle between you and haughty monster-hunter Darby… *gazes into the distance dreamily for a moment*
        Ah, they’re like marzipan chocolates – look good on the outside, but inside? Urrrghh! #DickensForEver

        *gasps* You don’t think I’m sweet?!?! *breaks down and sobs uncontrollably* I shall go jump off a cliff now…

        *puts up umbrella*

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:20

        *laughs* Great comeback there, I must admit.

        Really? What a bore. I bet one or two zombies might escape. Nah, I wouldn’t like Liz… I’m trying to think if there’s anyone in P&P that would attract me… I think not, sadly. I’d probably like to just annoy and bother Lady Catherine, but that’s it. Marzipan is tough! But you liked The Prince and the Pauper!!

        *laughs* I mean sweet but not innocent! How’s that?

        Cheater!

      • 64 FictionFan February 9, 2016 at 18:25

        Of course you’d like Lizio! She’s a ninja warrior – your ideal woman! And anyway you once admitted that you found Lizzie witty *nods*. I wonder if Lady Catherine becomes a zombie – she’s about halfway there already… I did like The P & The P, but that was before…

        *steps back from the cliff edge* Better…

        No! Just a brilliant tactician!

      • 65 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 21:09

        That is not my ideal woman, I’ll have you know! Well, she was written with a witty mind in the book. But she was ugly. JA said that, too. *laughs* I do think she actually fights in the movie… No, no, no. No disliking it now! That’s not allowed!!

        *tackles FEF* No jumping. I won’t have it.

        *laughs* Hmm…

      • 66 FictionFan February 10, 2016 at 01:34

        Oh? What’s your ideal woman then? *simpers a bit in readiness* She was NOT UGLY!!!! How dare you? She might not have been as beautiful as Jane, but she had very fine eyes!! Yeah, but you dislike Bleak House… *sobs*

        Phew! I feel better now, and graciously forgive you!

        I win! Hurrah!

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2016 at 13:53

        I’m not even sure, to be honest. Umm…yeah. I don’t know, haha. But JA said she was! Fine eyes indeed. I bet they were red. Maybe purple. Like the other Lizio’s. Bleak House…was bleak and you know it!

        Should I believe that? Am I safe?

        Just a bit, tho.

      • 68 FictionFan February 10, 2016 at 18:13

        Wrong answer! The right answer is “Someone just like you, FEF, only older!” Have I taught you nothing?!?

        She did not! Prove it! You’re just afraid that someone as wonderful as Lizio would break down your famous resistance to feminine wiles *tries not to laugh*. But it gets better in Chapter 2…

        For the moment…

        I’ll take that! *dances*

      • 69 Professor VJ Duke February 11, 2016 at 14:39

        Older? *laughing lots* Well… You said to stay away from women, so…I’m just listening, the sudden. Yes, that’s it.

        Must I really rip P&P again? I could do it, you know. I’m quite resilient in my resistance. *strong* But I got to the part about missionaries in Africa! I think that was in chapter 2…

      • 70 FictionFan February 11, 2016 at 16:40

        Obviously older – I’ll soon be much younger than you! Quite right! You should always do what I tell you… *makes a list*

        You? Resilient to womanly wiles? *laughs until she chokes* #YeahRight

        Ah, I remember when you wanted to read it just ‘cos it’s my fave too – how you’ve changed!! *sobs*

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2016 at 14:32

        Oh, the professor is wayyyyyyyyyyyy older than you. I’m older than the mountains. Bet you can’t boast that! Ha.

        A hashtag! #impressed Well, I am! Because I’m heartless. I don’t have a physical heart, see.

        Yeah, that was back in the days when I had a quarter of a heart. And I got certain pics…of things…

      • 72 FictionFan February 12, 2016 at 17:48

        But still younger than BUS…

        #proud

        Certain pics of things? *baffled*

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke February 12, 2016 at 21:02

        Oh no, I’m older than her.

        I phrased that wrong. Back when promised pics with new cameras came…

      • 74 FictionFan February 13, 2016 at 02:09

        Oh, dadblameit, dablameit, dadblameit, DADBLAMEIT!!!!! *stomps off*

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke February 15, 2016 at 15:17

        Yep. You broke it!

  15. 76 PorterGirl February 4, 2016 at 14:29

    What luck (maybe good, maybe bad) that you fell right into the middle of a festival! A dodge festival, no less. Now, medieval England is a marvellous place to be if you need a sword fixed, or if you want to be poked with a pike. See? Things are looking up already. Expect for being knocked out. Again. Your poor bonce must be black and blue!

    • 77 Professor VJ Duke February 5, 2016 at 14:54

      Can you imagine a pike was poked at me and I was knocked out again! This is dastardly, I tell you. Just dadblame dastardly. I feel like revolting. As soon as I come to, I shall steal something to eat. And then…fix the sword. And probably a bit red, too.

      • 78 PorterGirl February 5, 2016 at 15:14

        It is the most dastardly of dadblamery, I say. But you always prevail under such circumstances so I have high hopes for the immediate future. Food should be your next priority, absolutely. I worry for your poor tummy.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:15

        I know! What if it shrinks? Imagine the horridness of that, if you dare!

      • 80 PorterGirl February 8, 2016 at 15:25

        I barely dare imagine it… but… aarrgh! I imagined it and now the horror will remain all day!

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke February 8, 2016 at 15:28

        You’d only be able to eat about 50% what you usually can do.

      • 82 PorterGirl February 8, 2016 at 15:35

        Which is still more than a small army, but even so. Sad times.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:15

        This is a sad topic. I blame you.

      • 84 PorterGirl February 9, 2016 at 14:18

        I have forgotten exactly what the topic is… but I feel sure it cannot be my fault. I blame Terry.

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:25

        How is that big bugger doing these days? Poor thing. I think he might need to start a diet.

      • 86 PorterGirl February 9, 2016 at 14:25

        He is doing very bigly, thank you! He might make the crank noise at the suggestion of a diet, but I fear you may be right.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 14:26

        Well, it’s for his best. Otherwise, he won’t be able to catch bats anymore.

      • 88 PorterGirl February 9, 2016 at 14:27

        I admit I am somewhat missing the mice. The bats are enjoying a brief period of freedom whilst he is so encumbered.

      • 89 Professor VJ Duke February 9, 2016 at 20:59

        *shakes head* Poor thing can’t move around anymore. What a wonder. Bats like to eat mice, I’ve heard.

      • 90 PorterGirl February 9, 2016 at 21:29

        He is just a little slower, is all. Or maybe all the mice are dead. I think you are right – the bats must have got them first!

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke February 10, 2016 at 13:45

        Now that’s a thing. The mice might have gone extinct because of him!


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