Sneaking Into the Castle

Love conquers fear because love is to be more feared than fear.

V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

Untitled“Ow!” Ruber hissed. “Come on, eh? Watch it!”

“Quiet, Ruber, ya dirty cur-mark on me belly!” Salami snapped. “If we get discovered, I’ll take yer nose off with me pliers!”

In truth, this is true, both Salami and Ruber were making more noise than two toads singing for their long-lost loves. (That’s a lot of noise, you must know.)

“I think we should try to be quieter overall,” I mentioned, just to be nice.

“Shut-up, cur-mouth!” Salami almost hollered.

Now, here’s the thing: King Arthur’s castle is up on a hill, surrounded by a rather large village, which is surrounded by a wall. The gates to that wall are closed at night. And since it was night (almost morning, I fear) the gates were shut–tighter than a rope stretched between two stiff trees.

See how tight ropes between trees are?

Very tight, see. But wobbly trees.

So, since the gates were closed–and heavily guarded, mind–we were climbing up the outside wall.

See, it was messed up enough, with holes there and holes everywhere, that we could sorta get some footholds and whatnot.

Ruber was leading the way, followed by Salami, who was followed by this professor.

Salami kept hurrying Ruber along from below, sometimes even pinching him, I think.

“Stop pinching!” Ruber yelled.

He yelled it, too. Rats and a Heifer! #Doomed

“Our cover’s been blown!” Salami shouted. “Everybody hurry!”

And quicker than wet noodles from the boiling pot, we got over the wall. Now, it turns out, the sentry on this side of the wall was dead asleep.

Which means he might’ve been dead if I didn’t think he was sleeping, see.

We passed him quietly and climbed to the ground. We were in the village. The castle was northeast of our position on an acropolis. (That’s my war talk, don’t you know.)

Now, wonders of wonders, there was no party of guards waiting for us at the bottom of the wall. We were still undiscovered.

This was goody.

About a tick or two later (probably more), we made it to the palace.

“It’s gonna be guarded strong,” Salami wheezed. (Out of shape, see.)

But it wasn’t.

The castle’s drawbridge was lowered, the doors wide opened.

We cautiously entered the castle, every sense on red alert.

Red Alert.

Red Alert.

Salami knew the castle well. It’s said he used to be a knight of the round table. I doubt that story, though I’ve got no reason for doubting. I just like to doubt, see.

He led us through the winding passages, long hallways, and lofty rooms.

Eventually, we entered into a room with a vaulted ceiling. There, lying on a purple cloth on a table…was the Jeweled Katana.

“Haha!” Salami laughed triumphantly. “I knew he’d have it here! Cur-Arthur.”

Narsil

Then I noticed it. The sword had been reforged! It was no longer in two pieces, but whole.

I would’ve danced at that moment. But there was no music and we were on a secret spy mission, remember.

“Well, let’s get it and get out of here!” Ruber said, moving forward, his leather boots clicking on the floor.

Not clicking, but creating some sort of sound that’s rather indescribable.

Goodness. Problem. How was I going to get the katana from these two?

But I was saved.

The room lit up. Soldiers ran in.

Followed by King Arthur.

“I thought you might’ve tried this, PVJ, but not with them!”

Maybe not that saved.

PL Symbol

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113 Responses to “Sneaking Into the Castle”


  1. 1 Sonya Solomonovich March 1, 2016 at 23:20

    That looks like the sword from Lord of the Rings! Except that sword was not broken by stabbing a robot.

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2016 at 19:25

      Yes, makes you wonder about how well made it was, huh? I think it’s just decorative, I suppose.

  2. 3 Simply Skeptical February 29, 2016 at 23:56

    Whooa Professor you’ve got to stop hanging around with those stooges they’re gonna give you a bad name. Haven’t you ever heard birds of a feather flock together? Run!

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke March 1, 2016 at 02:14

      Birds of a feather. Does that mean they share one common feather?

  3. 5 Heartafire February 27, 2016 at 16:24

    I can barely keep up with who is the worst cur of them all. Cur Salami seems the curiest. Carry on Prof. go forth, victory and the katana are within reach!

    • 6 Professor VJ Duke February 29, 2016 at 13:49

      I think you’re right there. What about me, tho? I might be a cur, underneath the service.

      • 7 Heartafire February 29, 2016 at 14:37

        Could be. I guess a cur is a like a bad dog. I dunno..

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke March 1, 2016 at 01:53

        “I just wanna stop and tell you what I think about you…” Sorry. I’m listening to Gino. And I can’t help but sing along.

      • 9 Heartafire March 1, 2016 at 03:19

        I love Gino!” when I think about those nights in Montreal”, I’m digging that!

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2016 at 19:06

        Yes!! That’s it. Me too. He’s just so awesome.

      • 11 Heartafire March 2, 2016 at 19:17

        :)

      • 12 Heartafire February 29, 2016 at 14:39

        Could be. I guess a cur is a like a bad dog. I dunno.

      • 13 Professor VJ Duke March 1, 2016 at 01:53

        Yeah, something like that, I think. We’ll have to ask Salami. You go first.

      • 14 Heartafire March 1, 2016 at 03:21

        See hear, Salami…whats with the cur?

      • 15 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2016 at 19:07

        That’s the perfect thing to say to him, too. It’d flabbergast him.

      • 16 Heartafire March 2, 2016 at 19:30

        haha! he better spit it out too!

      • 17 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2016 at 14:37

        He might, mind you.

      • 18 Heartafire March 3, 2016 at 14:39

        I will be sure to duck!

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2016 at 14:51

        Yes, yes. You must. Just in case, see.

      • 20 Heartafire March 3, 2016 at 15:20

        Oh, I will, I haven’t been spit on in some time.

      • 21 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2016 at 15:17

        You’ve been spit on before?!

      • 22 Heartafire March 4, 2016 at 16:50

        No…just a little joke. Spitting is definitely not acceptable.

      • 23 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2016 at 20:35

        Not ever? I want to, the sudden, see.

      • 24 Heartafire March 7, 2016 at 20:55

        really? whatever for…not in my direction please!

      • 25 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2016 at 14:20

        How about…in a snake’s direction?

      • 26 Heartafire March 9, 2016 at 14:26

        if you must.

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2016 at 14:44

        I must, you know.

      • 28 Heartafire March 9, 2016 at 14:49

        I know that. Go ahead.

  4. 29 Susan P February 26, 2016 at 15:26

    To the victor the prize.

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke February 29, 2016 at 13:33

      That’s the professor, I say.

      • 31 Susan P February 29, 2016 at 14:39

        Well, not all prizes are fun.

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke March 1, 2016 at 01:54

        Well, most are. Like toy soldiers for instance.

      • 33 Susan P March 1, 2016 at 02:31

        Like on Toy Story?

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2016 at 19:06

        I loved those guys.

      • 35 Susan P March 2, 2016 at 22:28

        I loved them, too

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2016 at 14:43

        I was one of them.

      • 37 Susan P March 3, 2016 at 14:54

        Which one?

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2016 at 15:16

        The one with the radio!

      • 39 Susan P March 4, 2016 at 15:50

        Did you ride with him?

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2016 at 20:34

        Nah, I was him!

  5. 41 L. Marie February 26, 2016 at 13:40

    Rats and a Heifer! #Doomed is right! Time to wield that steel baton!
    Does the reforged katana indicate the owner’s right to rule? If so, would stealing it make you the rightful king???

    • 42 Professor VJ Duke February 26, 2016 at 14:29

      Now, that is a thing! I bet Arthur wouldn’t let me rule that easy, tho. Do you suppose it’s a trap?

      • 43 L. Marie February 27, 2016 at 14:22

        When haven’t you walked into a trap??? Of course it’s a trap! You really need to get some killer robots of your own.

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke February 29, 2016 at 13:49

        *laughs* You have a good point. *Gets ready* I’ll vanquish everything!

  6. 45 Jackie February 25, 2016 at 23:57

    But … but…. “there is nothing to fear but fear itself”! FDR said that.

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke February 26, 2016 at 14:11

      He only said that ’cause he didn’t know the Babadook, see.

      • 47 Jackie February 26, 2016 at 14:15

        Ahhhh that is true! Here a curious question – If you show a fearless front to the Babadook what happens?

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke February 26, 2016 at 14:30

        Now that is a thing. Like, what if you attacked him with a katana? Do you think he might flee? I bet.

      • 49 Jackie February 26, 2016 at 16:30

        That might do it! Then again, something like that could backfire. I guess the only way to find out is to attack them and see what happens.

      • 50 Professor VJ Duke February 29, 2016 at 13:38

        See, attacking solves everything in the end, doesn’t it?

      • 51 Jackie February 29, 2016 at 13:40

        Well, not always. Attacking can create more problems then it solves.

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke February 29, 2016 at 13:54

        Unless you’re an orc of course.

      • 53 Jackie February 29, 2016 at 13:57

        There are always exception.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke March 1, 2016 at 01:48

        Haha. I win, the sudden.

      • 55 Jackie March 1, 2016 at 05:20

        Whatever you say, Professor! ;-)

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2016 at 19:09

        Haha. That’s the spirit!

  7. 57 John W. Howell February 25, 2016 at 23:42

    Maybe not that saved indeed.

    • 58 Professor VJ Duke March 1, 2016 at 01:47

      I know. I’m not good at saving things, I’ve found. Bad goalkeeper, see.

  8. 59 FictionFan February 25, 2016 at 19:29

    *sniffles* I feel so sad for those poor toads! Is that a picture of Nick tight-rope walking? Cool!

    Goodness! If only you hadn’t been so mean to my Schwarzy he might have come to rescue you, but I fear you’re on your own… good luck! And if Art throws you in the deep, dark dungeon just remember… singing will help keep your courage up…

    “Because he’ll wear your favorite color
    Just so he can match your eyes
    Rent a private picnic
    By the fires glow-oohh!”

    There! Bet you feel better already! *nods helpfully*

    • 60 Nicholas Warren--MPS staff member February 25, 2016 at 19:43

      Blah to you too.

      • 61 FictionFan February 25, 2016 at 19:44

        *chuckles*

    • 62 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2016 at 23:41

      *laughing lots and lots* How did you know? I’ve always kept his weight problem a secret, too. A pity.

      Wait…at first, I thought it was Burns. Then…it came to me. Are you seriously quoting Enchanted lyrics at me?! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo! *holds ears* *and laughs too much* That was quite a thing there.

      • 63 FictionFan February 26, 2016 at 02:01

        He seems very agile, you must admit, and quite dainty really, considering.

        Hahahaha! I knew you’d recognise it! Burns could never have written anything quite so sweet and charming! Now I have a new secret weapon…

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke February 26, 2016 at 14:22

        Dainty! Haha. Yes, he’s so dainty and sweet. I like this.

        I can even hear the tune in my head! It’s that “How Does She Know” song. Bah! Now, So Close is fine to quote though. I love that song.

      • 65 FictionFan February 28, 2016 at 15:36

        Poor Tick! You’re so mean to him… *whistles innocently*

        Really? I rejected it on the ground of soppiness but, if you insist…

        “…never knew.
        So close, was waiting,
        Waiting here with you.
        And now, forever, I know
        All that I wanted
        to hold you so close.”

        Awwwwww! I bet Darby would have sung that to Lizio if only it’d been written then…

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke February 29, 2016 at 13:54

        *sighs* I love that song so much. *goes off humming it*

      • 67 FictionFan February 29, 2016 at 17:47

        *whispers* Big, soppy romantic!!

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke March 1, 2016 at 02:10

        No, no! I just…I just… You trapped me, didn’t you? I can’t help it, I like it!

      • 69 FictionFan March 1, 2016 at 19:06

        *chuckles* Soooooo sweet!

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2016 at 19:24

        And filthy!

  9. 71 AmyRose🌹 February 25, 2016 at 17:32

    T’is a very good thing I was not drinking a thing when I read this because of the laughter this incited in me. That elephant on a rope between two trees and the red alert, and all the racket ….. you have a very twisted sense of humor, Professor. THANK YOU for the laugh!!!! I’m SO relieved the katana is back in one piece. Perfectly honest I must be though I didn’t know it was in two pieces, not at all.

    • 72 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2016 at 23:36

      *laughs* Well, see, LadyP, it broke into two pieces because I stabbed a robot with it. What think you of that?

  10. 73 PorterGirl February 25, 2016 at 16:40

    Aha! This is an absolute triumph – I laughed so much a bit of tea came down my nose. Salami and Ruber are just brilliant. And pinching, indeed!
    My, that is a jolly looking elephant.
    I am mightily pleased to see that the katana is one again in one piece. This is a weight off my shoulders, as I am sure you understand that I have been able to think of little else. But it seems there is still trouble a-foot…
    (I just finished the MS!!)

    • 74 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2016 at 23:35

      Haha…sorry about that. Aren’t DS and RS great? They work so well together. But I need to thieve out from their very noses now. It shall be tough. And vicious. But I can do it!! Never fear.

      Aha! Congrats!! That’s awesome news. I’m sure you’re relieved. Time for some cherry juice.

      • 75 PorterGirl February 26, 2016 at 09:11

        They are a fabulous pair and I know I shouldn’t love them so but I do. I have no doubt you shall rise to the task at hand, P.VJ – you are a man of the most unusual talents!

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke February 26, 2016 at 14:27

        Haha. That’s a great way to say it. You know, I’ve always thought myself a snake charmer, you know. I bet I am. Even though I haven’t tried it, yet.

      • 77 PorterGirl February 26, 2016 at 21:13

        Oh, Professor. I have no doubt you could charm anything you put your mind to.

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke February 29, 2016 at 13:46

        Probably even a cockroach?

      • 79 PorterGirl February 29, 2016 at 14:17

        Even that! And perhaps… another thing also.

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke March 1, 2016 at 01:49

        Ah, even the cockroaches’s wife. I see.

      • 81 PorterGirl March 1, 2016 at 08:53

        Even so her, I reckon. In fact, I have no doubt at all.

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2016 at 19:11

        Might end up smashing her a bit.

      • 83 PorterGirl March 2, 2016 at 19:35

        *laughs* That’ll do it!

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2016 at 14:38

        With a fly swatter or something.

      • 85 PorterGirl March 3, 2016 at 16:22

        Or a large boot.

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke March 4, 2016 at 15:22

        Or even your hat. I’d borrow it, see.

      • 87 PorterGirl March 4, 2016 at 17:37

        Whaaaaa! My poor hat! How about your hat? It’s bigger, see.

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2016 at 20:36

        Yes, a bigger hole, maybe. She could escape!

      • 89 PorterGirl March 7, 2016 at 21:03

        I feel rather sorry for her, now. I hope she does escape!

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2016 at 14:22

        Now, now. Don’t feel sorry for such creatures!

      • 91 PorterGirl March 9, 2016 at 14:28

        I shall try, but it’s just my caring nature, you know.

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke March 9, 2016 at 14:45

        *laughs* I know. Which is a good thing.

      • 93 PorterGirl March 9, 2016 at 14:49

        It is while it lasts. I shall be vicious again very shortly.

  11. 94 Debbie February 25, 2016 at 15:57

    Woo-Hoo, the katana is back in one piece!! Keeping up with one katana is so much easier than fretting over two halves, you know. Shouldn’t you have known somebody was up at the castle, seeing its drawbridge down and its doors wide open?? Now you must make another escape — grab that katana and GO!!

    • 95 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2016 at 23:34

      I know…I thought of something at first, but, then, well…I mean, seriously, I have to get the katana back. Imagine my grandchildren bragging about my exploits one day. That’d be something, huh?

      • 96 Debbie February 26, 2016 at 00:17

        Gosh, you’re already thinking ‘grandchildren’?? Oh, my, for sure I’m not — Domer is nowhere near ready for that big of a move!!

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke February 26, 2016 at 14:11

        *laughs* I’m not thinking about it either! I just threw it in their for giggles. Fear not. Must stay free, see.

      • 98 Debbie February 26, 2016 at 14:35

        Free is good! (unless you find the right person, you know!)

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke February 29, 2016 at 13:29

        Well, phooey, I say. That’s what I say, the sudden.

  12. 100 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 25, 2016 at 15:53

    I’ve missed Schnoddy’s wisdom, Duketh. I knew love conquered all though, knew it. Glad he’s spreading that news about. Hope everyone is listening with their good ear.
    I have some catching up to do, it seems. *looks about* What has changed?…oh, everything. Smiles

    • 101 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2016 at 23:33

      Audith!!!! Been too long, I say. *laughs* But, remember, he said that, not me, of course.

      Really? *looks about* It seems the same to me, I say. Just jump in, no catching up necessary, I double-say.

      • 102 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 26, 2016 at 02:28

        Has been a long time. Six months or more probably. Yes, of course, you didnt say those words. Says up there Schnod did. Has he introduced himself yet or is he still the quiet one? Oh, the same, well I find that comforting. *exhales* Catching up is what I do, you know.

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke February 26, 2016 at 14:24

        I know! Where have you been? You never really answered the question, of course. You’re evading it, like a turtle evading rocks while swimming. Yup, all the same. I think. But it’s still fun.

      • 104 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister February 26, 2016 at 14:58

        I moved back to Nebraska with Mr. Warrior and Little Sister. Lots of changes. I’m a turtle swimming now. Good. Suits me, I think. Glad to see some things never change.

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke February 29, 2016 at 13:30

        *laughs* A turtle swimmer? Only if you want to be, of course. Well, moving about is always an adventure, I say.

      • 106 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 1, 2016 at 15:47

        Was your idea, I just identified with it. Oh, yes, moving is always fun. *throws out everything*

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke March 2, 2016 at 19:18

        *laughing* Okay, moving can be vexing, then, but sometimes fun!

      • 108 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 3, 2016 at 06:43

        …blink….blink…blink…

        Fun? You are from another planet. (It has been fun being home again.)

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke March 3, 2016 at 14:48

        I only moved once. I was 7. Maybe I forget the experience? That could be it, you know. (Yes, I’m sure you’re happy about that.)

      • 110 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister March 5, 2016 at 06:15

        Moving is fun. I was only poking you a bit.

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke March 7, 2016 at 20:41

        That’s why I fell over, I suppose.

  13. 112 Susan P February 25, 2016 at 15:49

    I am surprised that you got anything done with all of the racket on the field. You need to use your indoor voice or you will end up in the river trying to keep up with the salmons.

    • 113 Professor VJ Duke February 25, 2016 at 23:32

      *laughs* I know. But wasn’t it mainly their fault?!


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