Every disbelief is a belief.
V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet
So, out of King Arthur’s castle this professor went–with the katana.
Yay. Victory. I’d won. Time to celebrate.
But I didn’t, of course. Celebrating is really something that’s not good to do. See, when you start celebrating someone usually shows up and shows you why you shouldn’t be celebrating.
Therefore, celebrate in name only. #HistoryLesson
Okay, so it was dark out.
Well, it was night.
Pretty soon–sooner than a bee making honey–this professor was lost amongst the buildings, shacks, and condos that made up the town or village around the castle.
(I don’t think there were condos, but I couldn’t think of another word for ‘shack’ or ‘building.’)
Now, this was thing: The professor had the Jeweled Katana.
What to do?
Well, it’d be nice to return home. That was the thing, see. Returning home is always nice.
But how to get across the big ocean very fastly fast? The professor had never been a good swimmer, see.
As the professor was thinking all these things, I ran into a chap I hadn’t seen in centuries. Well, not that long, but such a long time you wouldn’t believe.
He still dressed the same: Short black cape, top hat, cane with a bobble thingy at the top, shiny black shoes.
And his black mustache seemed twitched up a few notches in terror.
“Young man,” he said, looking from me to the naked sword I was carrying.
(Naked sword = no scabbard.)
“Katana, you mean,” I interrupted.
“Yes, yes whatever.”
I did have a good point. It was a katana not a sword, I’d decided.
“That sword,” he tried again.
In truth, this is true: I was going to interrupt him again. But I figured it’d just set the whole conversation back. And we really had to get on. After all, the king was sorta after me. So I let him continue.
“It is wanted by practically everyone in TPL!”
“Don’t I know it,” I replied. “Why, this professor has nearly lost his toes on a few occasions.”
Mr. Magi raised his eyebrow–left one–at that.
Then he said something quite shocking: “Give me the sword. It must be returned to its rightful owner.”
“But we can’t do that, the sudden,” I said. “See, here’s the thing: Prince Beef was going to give the katana to Fats Henry if Henry stole the Diamond of Drake. Since this professor is so upright and smooth, I decided I better thieve the katana in order to stop the thieving of the Diamond of Drake.”
“Flawed thinking there, young man. Flawed thinking. Why does he want the Diamond of Drake?”
“For a wedding ring for Gertrude. But anyways and some, you can’t return it to the Beef, see. It will only cause more thieving. Sometimes you must be immoral to stop greater immorality.”
Mr. Magi shook his head. “Your logic is flawed. One, I must return it. Two, I’ll talk to Fats Henry and make sure he doesn’t steal the Diamond of Drake.”
“Three,” I finished, “I’m outta here.”
And I turned and ran.
Into the nearest tavern. Right through the door, up the stairs, and into the first room.
I shut the door and readied myself for an assault.
And that’s when a jewel fell off the katana’s hilt. It hit the ground with a click not a clack.
That was a big problem.
And also enlightening…
The katana I was holding…
…was a fake.