Stealing is an art. Before you steal, make sure it’s profitable.
V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet
Clara Higgins stared at me.
And this professor stared right back.
We were both shocked a bit.
And when you’re shocked a bit, you stare.
That’s some sort of unofficial rule, I think.
Rule: When shocked, you stare.
Anyways and a few, a gem dropped from the fake katana in my hands and hit the floor with a clunk.
Clara opened her mouth, then shut it, then opened it again, and that’s when the floodgates sorta erupted:
“You’re back you can help me glad you got the sword with that we can make sure that idiot prince lets me go I’ve been a prisoner here since you escaped and I don’t have a clue what I should do I’ve tried to escape but I can never get far enough are you going to give the sword back to Prince Beef I hope where have you been?”
That stumped me for a good long while. But this professor is a vicious bear and I recovered rather quickly.
“Now look here,” I began, “last time I saw you, you pretended to cry, sob, and otherwise leak a bit from the eyes, convincing Prince Beef that I was bad and you were good. Since then, this professor has been captured, shot, chased, attacked–never defeated, mind–and otherwise running about. Not very sure how I ended up back in this dadblame place, but if I have one thing to tell you it’s pretty much nothing.”
And that was that.
Clara’s eyes squinted and her hands found her hips as she looked away.
“Fine,” she snapped. “If you don’t want to help, fine. Just go.”
And she marched away.
Now, the professor was close to the kitchens. I could tell ’cause it was noisy and smelly. (That means you’re close to the kitchens, see.)
And it was now time for decisions.
This professor walked a bit, found a little chair, and had a seat.
Things were complicated and the best thing to do when things are complicated is to sit and have thinks. Many thinks, in fact.
Now, here was the roll:
Prince Beef was marrying Schwarz Tauptinker’s sister, Gertrude. He wanted to fashion the engagement ring from the Diamond of Drake. But he didn’t have the Diamond of Drake. So, he hired Fats Henry to thieve it for him. For his service, Henry would be gifted the Jeweled Katana.
But that’s when this professor messed things up. I stole it. Just to stop more thieving, of course. It was just–I think. Bud Parker and Schwarz Tauptinker were also going for the katana. Other people were, too. It was a mess.
Now, this professor was holding the fake katana. What should be done?
It should be returned to Prince Beef. After all, it wasn’t real; he would think it was. We would be at peace after I gave it over, and I could wash my hands of the whole affair.
Here’s the moral of the tale, as this professor sees it so far: Never thieve something to be just and righteous. It’s not worth it. In the end, you’ll end up being unjust and unrighteous.
I nodded and stood.
“Time to return this,” I said aloud. (Just for story purposes, of course.)
“I don’t think so, bud.”
“Yeah, chickit. No, no.”
It was Bud Parker and Schwarz Tauptinker.