So, the professor rolled into a Chinese Restaurant.
And you see, that’s how it’s really done. I roll into places, I think. I prefer it to walking, I think further. In fact, after a few more thinks, it just sounds cooler to say ‘rolled’ rather than ‘walk’, don’t you suppose?
Glad you agree, the sudden.
Where was I?
Oh yes, I rolled right in.
“Can I?” the woman said behind the desk.
“Can you?” I repeated. Then I got it. “Oh, yes please. You can, you may, just do it, I say.”
I was seated at a table, and this was the thing: There was another fellow, seated across from me.
“Well, hello,” I said, taking a seat. “This is new for me. I’ve never been sat at a table with another chap before.”
Now this fellow was a bit greasy looking. He hadn’t shaved in some time, too. His beard was long, dirty, and making a general nuisance of itself.
At least, I thought so.
“This is a new experience,” I said again.
He just grunted. Then he did another thing that was scary: He dipped his beard in his soup and brought it up for a taste.
I decided to adopt a different approach.
“Do you normally have manners like this?” this professor asked. “Look here, this is uncalled for.”
And I slapped him across the face once then twice. Easy, too. Not too hard. I was just reproaching him, after all.
“Mind your manners.”
He grunted at me again and his eyes locked on mine.
I went back up to the desk.
“Look here,” I said, “do you suppose you may have another table that doesn’t feature bigfoot?”
“Maybe I?” she said.
This was sickening.
“No,” I answered. “You mayn’t, the sudden.”
“Then how?” she asked, laughing. Laughing!
“Simple,” I said. “Throw him out.”
“Oh, you may?”
That was all I needed.
I returned to the table.
Mr. Bigfoot was still dipping his beard about the place, like it owned everything.
“Look here,” I said, “there’s only this table left, I hear the sudden, so you must leave. You’ve been here far too long.”
Another fiendish grunt.
And then, of course, I tackled him to the floor, got him in a triangle, and sorta choked him out.
I was filthy after the encounter, but I now have bragging rights:
This professor has defeated Bigfoot.