So, just recently, the professor played a dodgeball tournament.
Yes, I did.
No laughing, please.
I wasn’t that embarrassing.
See, I had some good moves and whatnot.
But, here’s the thing:
When the dodgeball looks like this…
…it’s hard to do much harm with it.
It should be like this great, red, and fiery thingy:
A classic dodgeball isolated on white shows the crosshatch patterns used for grips.
I didn’t write that bit under the picture. It sounds too professional for me, don’t you know. Still, I do wish they would’ve used real dodgeballs. What’s up with that?! Dadblameit.
Anyways and a sum more than you were thinking, my team lost twice.
And this professor had the hardest time throwing.
I’m a lefty, see.
In jiu-jitsu this fellow sorta bent my left arm at this weird angle.
It hung limply for months.
Not really. But it still hurts.
I think I have nerve, ligament, muscle, bone, and many other damages, mind you.
Moral: Don’t ever hire the professor to play on your dodgeball team.
The Punchy Lands! 
At my college they keep trying to get us to sign up for softball. Eeep!
Softball is hard. But do it, i say!
I prefer the beanbag dodgeball, Duke. Giggles. You can be on my team. We don’t care if we win or lose as long as someone gets hurt so we can laugh.
*laughs* Well, I did get smacked in the face.
Alas, poor professor! That happened to me too once while doing Jiujitsu, except it was my wrist. But even uninjured, I could never properly grasp one of those dodgeballs.
*laughs* Isn’t jits vicious? Goodness.
Your wounded!! That is as good an excuse than most could boast. And I’m certain the deflated unofficial dodgeball might take some of the blame as well. Never fret with all your professorish skills who needs it!
You see, they did this on purpose. I say, it’s all awful. It was easy to dodge the ball. This professor wasn’t hit once!
I’ve heard of Dodge Ball tournaments. I used to love those! Congrats on your participation! They’re a good way to get out all of one’s pent-up aggression. ;-)
I know! But don’t you think the ball should’ve been heavier? I think so.
YARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is the noise one makes when throwing said dodgeball and BALGH! when one misses the target! HEAVE with all yer might man and best not to miss for if ye do, the scourge of the dodgeball will arise form the depths of the gut in your opponent and come back at ye with a firey vengeance! So ye better get in some target practice and make sure ye got your best shoes on to! For if ye don’t then you may very well be attacked by wee garden gnomes in the foyer and the unleashed wee beasties that crawl up yer pant leg and bite yer arse so ya’s cannae walk right and yer throws will be WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY off! And make sure above all else mate……… shave will ya?
Shave? But whatever for? I think I made all those sounds, don’t you know.
Don’t tess the wookie or else you’ll have to porple the zingle again!
I eat wookies for breakfast.
You’re a Trandoshan? Bossk? Is that you? HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY WASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUP!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!
Now…what is a Trandoshan?
Trandoshans are what Bossk is, that lizard looking thing you see in The Empire Strikes Back standing on the ledge snarling at that guy below. They hunt Wookies for their pelts hence my comment to yours saying you eat Wookies for breakfast. I’m an old school Star Wars geek
No way! I didn’t know that. I thought Wookies were the most powerful beasts ever.
Nope, that’s why they live in trees on their home planet of Kashyyk to avoid Trandoshans. They’re nasty wee beasties those Trandoshans and their smelly lizard feeties!
Humph. I Like that the wookies have a weakness, tho. I think I’m a Sith, you know.
Oh yeah? Hmmmm… I always seem to miss you at the S.A. meetings(Siths Anon), probably that whole Jedi mind trick thing eh? I thought you were Duke Skywalker? No wait that’s me! If that’s me then who are you? Wait what?! Eating pizza?
I’m Sith Pizza Dude Man.
Far Out……. Can I bring two Friends? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
But what about the Parmesan Pirate? Watch out for him man! He’s powdery!
Hahaha. You can have four friends, I think.
SAWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They’re all kooky and fun and they like peanut butter too
Well, that’s good, then. I’m always getting rid of my peanut butter.
Best served as a condiment on hamburgers….it’s amazing! It’s all I use on them now! Phenomenally Yummy!
*doubtful professor eye*
That dodgeball that looks like a Red Dwarf sun. That’s a proper dodgeball, see. It probably feels like one on contact. Not so that bean bag thingy. Now, you know dodgeball is outlawed in many places these days? Too many young pups getting beaned in the head-bone, with concussives and whatnot. Like That pretty much makes you an outlaw, too I think. For playing?
Really? Aha! That’s why they had such a light ball! I knew it. This is great, tho. I’m now an outlaw. There will be an reward for me soon. Don’t turn me in till it reaches one million. Then we can split it, please.
Your poor arm! You really should see someone about that….
Do you think so? I was hoping it’d get better on it’s own, you know.
urm…:P
Oh dear. That means you think I’m doomed, doesn’t it?
um…
Today is not the day for ums…
is there ever a day for ums?
Mondays…wouldn’t you say?
Oh, that is very true. Mondays are the worst. I don’t wear contacts and my words don’t make sense… definitely an um day
*Laughs* For sure. It’s just…blah. Let’s get rid of Mondays.
Poor Professor! I haven’t played dodgeball since P.E. class in school, but I remember it well. The idea is to hit as many folks as you can without getting hit first. See? It should be right up your alley! Sadly, you just weren’t using the proper equipment. A beanbag chair is too big, and we won’t even mention your dangly arm. You had a doctor check that out, didn’t you??
No, not really…I think it’s getting better…right? Right! *nods* Well, I say we should organize a dodgeball team for us bloggers.
Works for me! I’ll hide behind you and toss the bombs from safety.
But who shall I hide behind?
Oh my gosh Professor, I must admit, I couldn’t stop laughing at the thought of you playing dodgeball! Does that make me an “evil” reader? :)
Nancy
*mouth drops* And why is that, tho?
Well Professor,
I just have this VERY funny picture of you in my mind, trying unsuccessfully to dodge the ball. :)
Nancy
I’ll have you know I dodge faster than a sticky wicket!
Dodgeball is so… American! *tries not to chuckle* Your poor arm! I hope you triangulated the other chap! The thing to remember about jiu-jitsu is to always take along a baseball bat in case of emergencies…
You’ll still be the captain of my dodgeball team though – I must have someone to hide behind!
You mean you’ve never played dodgeball? I barely was able to tap out in time! There was a resounding crack. And there was my arm, useless and destroyed. *looks at it and shakes head*
Just catch the ball when it comes at you and you’ll be fine!
Never! Tap out? Oh, I didn’t realise there was tap-dancing involved! It sounds much more exciting now *puts on tap shoes and warms up*
Now, look here! We need to have a talk about the injuries you are always doing to your arms and hands! Don’t you realise they are the most important parts of you? (Some may say only, but I’m not that mean…) How are we to get a constant supply of vids if you peristently damage your playing appendages?!? Next time, break a leg! *stomps off*
Neve ever? Well, we must have a game as soon as possible. Yes…well…well…tap dancing. Goodness. I suppose that counts.
I know. It’s awful, isn’t it? A leg?! How dare you and all the good people! Still, I must protect my hands. But I’m thinking about retiring…
Ok, but only if I get to do the throwing and you do the dodging…
*gasps* I’m sorry, I’ve consulted with the full membership of the fan-club, and I have unanimously decided we can’t allow that! So get back to work, sir!!
Deal. I’m good at dodging, the sudden. I think I am.
Really? Are you sure? Doubly sure?
Absotively posilutley, sir! Now get to work! *stomps off*
No! *stomps both feet*
*blows raspberry*
Oh. that’s rather cool.
Gee before the disclaimer I was going to hire you for the professional league. I guess i will have to scout eleswhere.
But…no! Just give me some proper training and I should be good to go!
Dodgeball – now there’s a game I haven’t played for decades!
Me too! Until just recently. It was a hoot.
Was it a holler too?
Oh yes. But I didn’t holler much, tho.
Well a hooting and a hollering always means a good time!
And usually comes before something blows up, now that I think on it.
Hmmmm now that you mentioned it – I think you are right about that.
Aha! That means I win, see.
Well then – congrats!
*bows*
I did laugh, I’m sorry! It was just the image of a less-than-healthy dodgeball flying about and apathetically slapping people in the face! Now, if you were to play with an enormous beany chair, saggy or not, you could destroy EVERYBODY!! I get quite competitive, which is probably not good when I generally play the game with 8 year olds (how else am I suppose to win?!) Hope you’re not damaged forever :)
*laughs* You should’ve come to help the team out, Haylee! Where were you, dadblameit? I needed something harder. I think next time I’ll bring a baseball.
Ooh, brutal! I’m probably the worst person to have on a team. I think I’m amazing (at everything!) but in reality, I just seem to shout a lot to make up for my lack of actual skill! Still, A+ for effort!
*laughing* Effort is worth everything! You’re on the team, I’ve decided. We need someone to help morale. Morale is so important. Plus, I’ll hide behind you, just for fun.
Whoo-hoo for making the team! I’ll dig out my pom poms for celebratory dances! As if you’re going to use me as a human shield though – it won’t work, unless you’re the size of Gimli and then it will still be problematic!
Oh boy. I do wish I was Gimil, the sudden. Isn’t he the coolest chap ever? You know he is.
Ah, yes. Dodgeball. Do not dodge it at your peril. Dodge City blues.
The rules are very simple it seems:
1. Try to kill everybody in the other team.
2. Try not to die.
I like these rules. Simple and very professorish. These are rules I can remember, see.
I’m sorry to hear this. I was just getting to my final pick on my blogosphere dodgeball team! I’ll still take you, even with your dangly arm. I’m a lefty, too. We are prone to dadblamery.
Prone to dadblamery, madam! Okay. This is great. I need to win a game after losing two. Let’s go. Take me to the battlefield!
Okay, first we line our opponents jerseys with magnetic strips. Then we have a ball lined with magnetic insides. Then we blast away! (Don’t worry… playing dirty is right out of the Pats playbook. You should have no qualms, sir!)
*rampages for three days and nights* Did you see the Pat fans are suing the NFL? Deflategate was all setup!! I know you love the Pats. And Trump.
Hahahahhhahhh!!!! *rolls on the floor laughing* You just had to throw in the Trump card, didn’t ya! lol
*laughs* You enjoy him so much…I had to!
Oh goodness. Terrifying! And your poor dangly arm, too, how unfortunate.
I know! Dodgeball is fun, tho. You should’ve come and helped out.
Oh I don’t know…after my recent experience with volleyball I’m slightly wary of sports.
Ooo, tell me! What happened? I’ve always wanted to play volleyball.
Well…let’s just say I’m now thoroughly convinced I’ve got two left feet. Not only was I completely unfamiliar with the actual RULES part of volleyball, I continuously stepped on people’s toes, missed the ball by yards numerous times, and in general caused absolute chaos for everyone involved.
*laughs* That sounds like what I might do. Okay, let’s go to the practice field and sort this out. You’ll be spicy in no time, I’m sure of it.
I would hope so! I very much need training. Very much.
Okay, then. It’s a thingy. We shall meet, train, and become beasts. *nods*
Yes! One step closer to world domination!
Oh goody. I think I should run the world for a bit.
I’d vote for you.
You’d have to help, tho, please.
Of course! But would you really value my guidance? I can be a bit, er, sporadic at times…
*laughing* That’s perfect. *nods* Sporadic is just what I need.
Oh good! Well in that case…*grabs button that says “Vote for the Professor!” in big bold letters*
Ooo! Cool. *pins one on* How does it look?
*claps happily* You rock it completely! :D
Haha! Sweet. Now, I feel spicy.
Ooh. Tis spicy a feeling?
Oh yes. It’s a warrior feeling, see!
Oh wow! How do I find this “warrior feeling”? It sounds so interesting!
Well, I do think you’ll find it any time soon. You’re already a warrior, don’t you know.
I feel so amazingly honored now.
Haha. Me too, I think.
*curtsies*
I must needs practice the art of the curtsy.
Well are you proficient in the art of the bow?
I fear not! Can’t remember the last time I did a successful one. *embarrassed*
Ah, that’s okay. I have similar problems. I have been known to trip profusely while curtsying.
You know what, let’s just ban bowing. From now on, we’ll do the Tribune salute. *nods*
I like that idea! What’s the proper Tribune salute form?
Well, you sorta make a fist with your left hand and then cross that arm over your chess. Like this… *does it*
Ohh I like it… *salutes back* Verrry nice, Professor!
Thank you! *blushes and is very proud about the whole thing*
*pats you on back*
Ah! All better now, I think.
Good! Pats always do good to the world.
Unless I put on my spiked helmet. *puts one on*
Uh-oh. *takes three steps back* *takes five more steps back*
Oh, they’re quite safe. You can ram things. Would you like one?
Hm. That does sound quite fun. Alright, I’ll take one, thanks. As long as they’re at least relatively safe…
Well…depends what you ram. I mean, it’s safe for you, see.
Oooh. Beware world outside my helmet.
You know, I think I’m going to retire!
And maybe you should! I’m sure you’d do just fine!
To a beach in Peru. I think.
Sounds like the ultimate vacation spot. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the rest of your life in peace and tranquility.
Unless all the bugs kill me. Then you’ll have to give me bug spray, I think.
Sure! I always keep some on hand, cuz bugs like to attack me especially.
Haha. Do you really? Cool. Do you have lots of cicadas where you’re at?
Yes in fact. I do believe it’s one of the top ten cicada capitals of the world.
Dodge ball is one of the most dangerous sports one can get involved in, oh, professor why didn’t you consult with me, forewarned is forearmed (pun so intended)
Hahahaha! Well, you should’ve warned me! Do you think I’ll die? *Prepares*
Don’t forget to wear the proper gear, the helmet and good “dodging” shoes. Consider me your coach, I work for free and have not lost a dodger yet.
Well, then. I feel privileged, it must be said. So, free?
Since I have volunteered my services as a world renown dodge ball coach you need only show up wild eyed on caffeine . Sound like fun?
Yes, it does. But I don’t drink coffee…
for heavens sake, some tea? Power drink?
I don’t drink coffee either, who will keep us awake?
Maybe…some strawberries?
yes, strawberries. Maybe will skip the game and sit under a shady tree and eat strawberry’s till it’s time to leave.
Okay, that sounds fun. After all, I’m sorta tired, don’t you know.
Partying all weekend no doubt. What about your professional dodgeball career?
*laughs* You didn’t come and catch me from my partying, tho, so I got away with it.
We have a lot invested in this! haha, you are sly. I was too busy partying myself, what loser athletes we make.
We should just retire. What think ye?
They will miss us.
We’ll blow kisses.
and wave, they’ll look after us very perplexed. That’s life.
Haha. I like this image.
We were their only hope for the championship.
And now…they’ve no hope.
I find the dodge ball picture very informative. I am sure you were just super, even with your dangley arm. Such a shame there are no pictures of you in action, it would be quite a sight.
Well. I don’t know. I ran about a bit. But throwing hurt!! *growls*
No doubt you were a warrior on the field, like a dodge ball Hector! Warriors get used to a little pain now and then. It’s quite heroic, I am told.
Yes…maybe. I was awful, I think. And I killed my arm, too. *looks at the dangly thing* We should have a funeral for it.
*laughs* I am sure you were not that awful. But I do feel sorry for the arm. I shall compose a song in remembrance for it. Or maybe some kind of recovery song.
I was more awful than a worm eating through ice. That’s because I’m old, tho. You youngsters can’t understand that.
*laughing lots* Oh yes, it must be old age that does it. I will let you know when I get there, which will probably be next week. Old age is very close, you know.
Next week? Goodness. How many b-days do you have a week?
About four. But it depends on the time of year.
Haha. Well, at least that’s lots of cake.
That’s the best thing about it.
Of course, must be hard to stay fit with that many b-days, tho.
That’s why I look like a naked mole rat thing, of course.
Hahaha. I think you really like those buggers.
The likeness is uncanny.
Nah, nah. *shakes head five hundred times*
Careful, your head will get dizzy. Not even the winning smile and pink belly?
But they don’t smile, do they?
Is that not a smile on their little faces? Perhaps it is a grimace!
Just before they let out their war cry!
Oh! Exactly like me, then. I think I am related to them. I shall ask nan.
Yes, ask her. I think she’ll know what’s what.
I have made the relevant inquiries and it seems that I am certainly a close relative. Now, fancy that.
*professorish eye*
Noooo!! Not the professorish eye..!
It scares the togoggins out of everyone, in truth.
I’m not in the slightest bit surprised! A ferocious thing, it is.
I’m proud of it, too.
Yes, I gathered that. It is quite a thing, I admit.
Gathered it all up nicely, did you. Capital.
I have my uses, see.
You’re a bit wicked, aren’t you? *professorish eye*
Not the eye again! I’m only a tiny bit wicked, after all.
Okay, I’ll hide it.
Phew! I was scared there, for a moment.
Me too. It scares me every so often, the bugger.
Yes, I bet it does. I bet your other eye has to keep careful watch of it.
It does. It’s always giving it the cranky gaze, in truth.
Your eyes must be in constant battle.
They’re always fighting each other. It’s so vexing, don’t you know.
It must be indeed! Send one of them to sit in the corner. Give them a chance to calm down.
But then I’d have to pluck it out!
And that might be rather messy.
Could you imagine?
Unfortunately I can!
Well, don’t then! Goodness.