Racing About

They say if you run, make sure to finish the race; but I say, if you run, make sure your legs don’t give out.

V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

Untitled“Give us the katana now, bud,” Bud Parker said, stepping forward.

“You better do!” Schwarz Tauptinker said.

So, this professor did.

“Here you go, I say.” And I handed the katana to Schwarz.

See, I handed it to him just because I wanted to make trouble.

Here’s the thing: The professor loves making trouble.

Just like this fellow:

muikabochi_2803

Now, you may ask why the giving of the katana to Schwarz would cause trouble. And this is it: Bud Parker wants it.

This will make him unhappy–that I handed it to Schwarz.

Schwarz took the katana and held it close, like a precious baby.

pet-sematary-1989-movie-8

“Just like that?” Parker asked, looking from me to the fake katana Schwarz now held.

“Just like that,” I said, sudden-like. “This professor is sick, tired, and sick of carrying it here, there, and everywhere. I’ve been attacked and maybe even killed for it. So, take the dadblame thing, I say.”

And I turned on my heel and strode away, deeper into the palace, like I knew where I was going–but I didn’t.

Then it hit me, of course.

Things always hit me later than they should. Many dadblameits about that.

This is like a late hit, see.

This is like a late hit, see.

See, Prince Beef would never forgive me if I didn’t return the katana to him.

Rats and a Heifer! I had to go back and get it.

I turned on my heel again and strode back to where Parker and Schwarz were.

They were fighting over the katana.

“It’s mine!” Schwarz yelled, raking Parker across the face with his hand.

Parker yelled out, and ducked, clutching his face. “Bud! Why’d you do that?”

“Mine, mine, mine!” Schwarz chanted as he made off with the katana.

Parker and I were on the chase within a tick or two.

And there we were, racing down the halls of Prince Beef’s palace.

It was a mad race, too.

Here.

There.

Corner cut there.

Super loop going on over here.

It was dastardly.

It must’ve looked fun because eventually we were joined by palace guards.

“Bud,” Parker breathed hard to me (we were running side by side), “do you think they’re after us?”

I looked behind for a split thingy.

About 40 guards all yelling for us to “desist and stop.”

“Nah, definitely after Schwarz.”

Parker nodded.

And we kept running.

But then Schwarz entered a room without another exit.

It was the throne room.

Filled with more palace guards, Clara Higgins, Schwarz’s sister, Gertrude, and the prince himself…

PL Symbol

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124 Responses to “Racing About”


  1. 1 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 10, 2016 at 01:12

    Your legs can’t give out now. Shnoddy gets it right once again. And you run fast, if I remember correctly, so move on fast. Seems the upset female crew is a comin’!!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2016 at 13:57

      Oh no. Why are they upset, tho?

      • 3 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 15, 2016 at 14:52

        Haven’t a clue, Duke.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2016 at 12:31

        It’s so great to have you back I’m still getting used to it, you know. Me neither. But then again, sometimes I don’t have reasons for being upset either.

      • 5 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 19, 2016 at 18:52

        Gone for six months and she’s forgotten, I think. You’ll get to know me. Sometimes being upset seems natural, however, let’s not make that a habit.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2016 at 12:44

        Forgotten?! Haha. Not even close. As if! True, that.

      • 7 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 25, 2016 at 14:17

        Smiles. You’re quite kind, Sir

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2016 at 13:27

        Oh no. Completely wicked.

  2. 9 L. Marie April 8, 2016 at 13:01

    As for Clara, I knew that dame was trouble. *shakes head in a knowing fashion*

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2016 at 18:53

      You must…take her out for me, please.

  3. 11 Sonya Solomonovich April 7, 2016 at 17:23

    Sounds like the final showdown is coming. On the other hand, knowing the PL, someone else will jump in and steal the katana!

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2016 at 18:36

      Like DS. Or Manly-Man, huh?

      • 13 Sonya Solomonovich April 13, 2016 at 12:17

        Yes, we haven’t seen Manly Man for a while, and that probably means he must be up to no good.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke April 13, 2016 at 13:49

        What do you suppose he’s doing?

      • 15 Sonya Solomonovich April 13, 2016 at 16:11

        No doubt plotting some dastardly scheme! Or robbing a bank?

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2016 at 13:32

        I bet it could be both. I mean, it could be even worse. We should hunt him down!

      • 17 Sonya Solomonovich April 14, 2016 at 17:37

        Yes, and then turn him in for the reward money. I’m assuming there’s a price on his head, or maybe I read that somewhere in the punchy histories?

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2016 at 13:02

        But…wouldn’t it be scary to fight for him?

      • 19 Sonya Solomonovich April 19, 2016 at 15:59

        Not if we cheat! I’m feeling rather irresponsible these days.

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2016 at 12:36

        Me too, the sudden. Must be the weather.

  4. 21 Freakishly Fangirlish April 6, 2016 at 23:27

    my, that was a scary looking child. wielding that knife and all… wouldn’t want to be his babysitter

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2016 at 16:59

      Goodness. If you ever run into a baby like that…I say you should poison him.

      • 23 Freakishly Fangirlish April 7, 2016 at 17:31

        Well, maybe I would wait til it was older. I have too much compassion for cute, tiny beings.

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2016 at 18:37

        Like snakes, for instance?

      • 25 Freakishly Fangirlish April 8, 2016 at 18:46

        Well, i wouldnt say that snakes are cute…they’re pretty evil. And those beady little eyes… *shivers*

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2016 at 18:57

        That’s true. The eyes are wickeder than wicked.

      • 27 Freakishly Fangirlish April 8, 2016 at 19:05

        Demon eyes o.O

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2016 at 13:38

        Hahaha. Now I’m scared.

      • 29 Freakishly Fangirlish April 11, 2016 at 17:24

        You should be… snakes are evil

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke April 12, 2016 at 13:20

        Just like the professor.

      • 31 Freakishly Fangirlish April 12, 2016 at 13:55

        Nope! Not at all! :D

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke April 13, 2016 at 13:38

        Dadblameit. You have no proof that I’m sweet, tho. Besides the cake. Which doesn’t really count, if we think on it.

      • 33 Freakishly Fangirlish April 13, 2016 at 17:26

        It totally counts. Plus, cake itself is sweet

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2016 at 13:33

        But what if mine was salty?

      • 35 Freakishly Fangirlish April 14, 2016 at 13:54

        Then you would be an even stranger person than I previously imagined XD

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2016 at 12:52

        I’m so strange, you wouldn’t believe it. In fact, I change the definition of strange.

      • 37 Freakishly Fangirlish April 15, 2016 at 13:41

        Oh, so that was your pic in the dictionary!

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2016 at 12:28

        Goodness. How bad did I look?

      • 39 Freakishly Fangirlish April 18, 2016 at 16:30

        You were that bloody teddy bear

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2016 at 12:58

        Which means I’m vicious.

      • 41 Freakishly Fangirlish April 19, 2016 at 17:23

        Vicious but also adorable somehow… :P JK

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2016 at 12:41

        *holds ears* I can’t hear you, the sudden.

      • 43 Freakishly Fangirlish April 20, 2016 at 15:07

        Hmm. what a coincidence…

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:11

        Isn’t that the best defense ever? *proud*

      • 45 Freakishly Fangirlish April 21, 2016 at 14:15

        mmm hhmm

      • 46 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:16

        #win

  5. 47 Simply Skeptical April 6, 2016 at 23:13

    Cornered now what? It shows your true character wanting to give Beef back what belongs to him. Good Boy!

    • 48 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2016 at 16:58

      Good boy? I should…stomach grind you! I just made that up on the spot, you know.

  6. 49 Debbie April 6, 2016 at 19:56

    Ouch — late hits are rough on quarterbacks, and I’m thinking somebody should’ve gotten a red card (oops, wrong sport!)

    Professor, I’m glad to hear you’re running about. I was a bit worried, you know, with you talking yesterday about your dangly arm. Even a warrior has trouble running lopsided.

    That katana has been nothing but a nuisance. I say, Let Schwarzy have the dadblame thing!

    • 50 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2016 at 16:55

      Too bad Peyton didn’t get more late hits from Tedy Bruschi. *nods*

      Well. It’s only dangly every so often. It has it’s moments, see.

      I should just escape, it’s true. It’s over now. They’ll probably cut my head off.

  7. 51 John W. Howell April 6, 2016 at 17:47

    Well now. This could be interesting indeed.

    • 52 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2016 at 16:44

      I wish you’d come in with your glock, double-please.

      • 53 John W. Howell April 7, 2016 at 21:44

        Just tell me where to aim.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2016 at 18:49

        At the first thing you see that you hate.

      • 55 John W. Howell April 8, 2016 at 19:10

        Okay. Whoops I hit a fly.

      • 56 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2016 at 13:39

        I hope you at least smashed it.

      • 57 John W. Howell April 11, 2016 at 17:19

        Along with a big hole in the wall.

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke April 12, 2016 at 13:19

        That’s just character. Mind it not.

      • 59 John W. Howell April 12, 2016 at 16:34

        Felt bad when I heard someone fall behind the wall.

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke April 13, 2016 at 13:43

        Oh. Well, it was his/her fault that they were there, not yours, of course. I mean, who stands behind walls?

      • 61 John W. Howell April 13, 2016 at 19:09

        Yeah, especially one that has a fly on it.

      • 62 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2016 at 13:37

        Haha. Especially! Just doesn’t make much sense.

      • 63 John W. Howell April 14, 2016 at 18:40

        Yeah, Seems ironic to stay behind a wall that has a target fly on it.

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2016 at 13:04

        Flies are targets everywhere. Just watch the Magnificent 7, for instance.

      • 65 John W. Howell April 15, 2016 at 13:13

        Or the tailor and the flies.

      • 66 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2016 at 12:26

        Is that a movie?!

  8. 67 Heartafire April 6, 2016 at 15:52

    My mind is replaying the “late hit” over and over. Dastardly! Hand over the katana, #90 has it coming.

    • 68 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2016 at 16:42

      Suh. What a beast he is. Have you ever been late hitted?

      • 69 Heartafire April 7, 2016 at 17:59

        Oh no. That would involve the authorities, no one wants to go there.

      • 70 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2016 at 18:38

        Except us! We’re game, are we not?

      • 71 Heartafire April 8, 2016 at 18:39

        We are game, authorities…they will have to catch us!

      • 72 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2016 at 18:55

        And they won’t of course. Cause we’re so magnificent.

      • 73 Heartafire April 8, 2016 at 19:45

        they know that, i mailed them.

      • 74 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2016 at 13:41

        Mail them again and tell them they stink. *nods*

      • 75 Heartafire April 11, 2016 at 13:42

        ‘m on it!

      • 76 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2016 at 14:00

        That’s the spirit!

      • 77 Heartafire April 11, 2016 at 15:23

        laughs!

      • 78 Professor VJ Duke April 12, 2016 at 13:15

        Hm. None of that here, madam!

      • 79 Heartafire April 12, 2016 at 14:03

        sorry, i forgot.

      • 80 Professor VJ Duke April 13, 2016 at 13:40

        *professor eye*

      • 81 Heartafire April 13, 2016 at 14:23

        shuffles feet.

      • 82 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2016 at 13:31

        *dances feet*

      • 83 Heartafire April 14, 2016 at 13:34

        visual

      • 84 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2016 at 13:38

        Hide your eyes!

  9. 85 FictionFan April 6, 2016 at 15:23

    *dangerously silky voice* Are you, dear Professor, implying that that horrid little kid looks remotely like my Schwarzy?! Because if so, you should know, I shall tackle your nose so hard that you will end up being mistaken for a pug! Actually now I think about it, perhaps these are all photos from your personal album. Yes! I can see the similarity now! The warrior like stance, the grimace, and in the top one a definite hint of Alice eyes!!

    Well! You’re in big trouble now, sir! Let’s just see – so you stole the real katana, broke it, then lost it, and then you pulled all the jewels off the fake one. I wonder what the ounishment might be? *eyes gleam* Wouldn’t it be tragic if Schwarzy slipped and the katana flew out of his hands and accidentally sliced off all of Clara’s hair? Tragic!!

    • 86 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2016 at 16:42

      Mighty Warrior Voice: Do you really want to jits with a jits master? A powerful, evil, crankily old warrior, a veteran from the shores of Troy? Haha. But still, no… I wasn’t thinking that. But now that you mention it, I suppose the kid could be a young Schwarz. Don’t you suppose? Now that’s an idea. I bet that is me. See how wicked I was when young?

      Wait…you want me to be punished for trying to do the right thing? How dare you and the whole world! I’ll rampage. Poor Clara…I think she has such cute hair…

      • 87 FictionFan April 7, 2016 at 19:44

        Evil Sorceress Voice: Quail, mortal, for your puny triangular skills cannot compete with my ability to turn you into a toad!! Now hop along!!

        Nah, he’s too ugly to be Schwarzy, but I suppose he could be you… *gurgles* I think you’re getting wickeder as you age…

        Trying to do the right thing?!? I’m kerflummoxed! Have you not been refusing to do the right thing since episode 1 way back in 1847??? Anyway, men always deserve punishment for something! YOU THINK SHE’S CUTE!?!?!?!!!!!! Why, you fickle philandering flibbertigibbet!!! Toad!!!

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2016 at 18:41

        Haha. I can’t even do the triangle! Way too hard. Toad! Please turn me into a red one, please.

        *laughs* Yes! He’s me, the sudden. Aren’t I filthy looking? *admires himself*

        Always deserves punishment? Now come on, Larry. That’s just not fair. I haven’t done anything as of late, don’t you know. At least I don’t think I have. I’m not sure, tho. Maybe I forget. Hahahahahahahaha…that was for your benefit.

      • 89 FictionFan April 9, 2016 at 17:19

        *laughs* Oddly, I’m pleased to hear that – not sure why! Nope! Green! Nice, bright green. But you can have red eyes.

        You look like whats-her-name’s brother – you know, whats-her-name from Dune when she was killing the wounded on the battlefield.

        *laughs at Larry* Oh no! My nicknames are getting worse… Oh, I’m sure you must have done something – I’ll check my list. But if not, it’s always worth doing an advance punishment to save time later. *growls ferociously* You and your women! You shouldn’t be allowed out…

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2016 at 13:52

        Me neither! It’s like super cool and whatnot! Red eyes. Okay, I can agree to that. I think I should have red eyes.

        Oh oh oh. Yeah. Alice? Nah. Alia? Is that it? What was her bro’s name, tho?

        Your nicknames are fantastic, Miss FEF. Seriously, I’m getting so attacked, I do wish you were here. Save me. I think I’m going to retire. Deep into the woods.

      • 91 FictionFan April 11, 2016 at 16:49

        Nah, I think you should stick with the throat chop thingy – much cooler! And you can do it upright, which saves getting your clothes grubby!

        Leto!! You know, I’m getting worse at remembering names every day – it must be because my brain is so full…

        *dons battle dress and roars* Who’s attacking you?? Just point me in the right direction!! You can’t retire, though – I won’t allow it!

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke April 12, 2016 at 13:17

        That’s a good point…but still…isn’t there something cool about wrestling and submissions? You know there is! And I think there is.

        Ah….that’s right. Seems like we read that 30 years ago. Wouldn’t you say?

        Everyone! It’s awful. I’m going into hiding. You go fight them for me, please.

      • 93 FictionFan April 12, 2016 at 20:41

        Well, yes – so long as you’re the one who’s winning! I’m guessing being pinned and half-choked by someone else’s legs doesn’t feel quite so cool… *laughs*

        At least! But the emotional scars haven’t fully healed yet…

        I will! *paints face blue and puts on a kilt*

      • 94 Professor VJ Duke April 13, 2016 at 13:47

        Which I never am. I always lose, of course. Well, not always. I’ve chocked some chaps out before. But you can brag that you’ve done it! And all the injuries. Girls like that sort of thing, I was told.

        Emotional scars! *laughs* Really?

        Why not red, dadblameit?

      • 95 FictionFan April 14, 2016 at 13:46

        Were you? Who told you that? I think you need a new Adviser on Womanly Things… *nods*

        It was those sandtrout thingies… *shudders*

        Because I’m a Pict, not a Martian!!!

      • 96 Professor VJ Duke April 15, 2016 at 12:50

        Haha. My coach. Dadblameit. I thought he could be lying. Rats.

        Bah and a hoot to those. Which reminds me of Hoot. Did I tell you I was Hoot yet?

        What’s a Pict?

      • 97 FictionFan April 15, 2016 at 17:08

        I shall send him a copy of my new book – “50 Reasons Men are Not the Best People to Advise Other Men on What Women Like”. Would you like a copy too? Here’s a sample…

        #1 – Because they’re men.

        I think owls are so adorable, with those big eyes and pretty feathers! Yes, I can see the resemblance now…

        A mighty warrior that would put your puny Trojans to shame!

      • 98 Professor VJ Duke April 18, 2016 at 12:38

        *laughs* You might have a point there. I did think he was knowledgeable about things. But maybe not. Ah, what a thing it is. Did you sign the book for me? Must be signed, please.

        And what about those sharp beaks and talons?

        Oh no! Not Hector!

      • 99 FictionFan April 18, 2016 at 16:29

        No man is knowledgeable about women – this is a fact known to every woman and totally misunderstood by every man, poor dears! Which signature would you like, FEF or Larry?

        Yes, they’re quite sweet too…

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2016 at 12:58

        Both, please, haha! Now. The professor understands women better than women understand women. *nods*

        smh

      • 101 FictionFan April 19, 2016 at 15:59

        The Professor thinks he understands women better than women understand women but women understand both women and Professors better than Professors! *nods understandingly*

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2016 at 12:35

        Oh no. No one can understand a professor. Since I’m the first type ever. They don’t know about me. I’d ruin their minds, see. *nods*

      • 103 FictionFan April 20, 2016 at 19:47

        This is a good point – my mind used to work fine, and now look at me! *bewildered expression*

      • 104 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:28

        Well…it could be…

  10. 105 PorterGirl April 6, 2016 at 14:58

    I say, the palace has more guards than I have socks! Which is quite a few, I can tell you that. I like all the running about, it is good for the legs and the lungs. After all that dodge ball, you must be as fit as a flea. In and out like a fiddler’s elbow – but the throne room could prove calamitous! I am agog with anticipation, dear Professor…

    • 106 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2016 at 16:40

      Agog! Isn’t that some powerful white/orc warrior or something? We evil eyes, malformed limbs, and a precious nose? I bet so.

      Well, I feel sorta in shape, I guess. Maybe a bit out of shape, too. And a bit in shape as well. We could play sock wars with your socks!

      • 107 PorterGirl April 7, 2016 at 16:41

        Oh, you might be right, you know. In which case, it is very apt that I am agog.
        But shape do you feel? I think you might be a bit hexagonal.
        Sock wars! I say lets do it. It shall do the socks good to get out and about and doing something productive.

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2016 at 17:00

        No, no! I am!

        Or even a circle, maybe.

        *laughs* They’ll love you for it. Now, I’m good at sock wars.

      • 109 PorterGirl April 7, 2016 at 17:08

        Or. .. an oblong!
        Are you now? I am pretty good myself. Ah, war – what fun it is.

      • 110 Professor VJ Duke April 8, 2016 at 18:36

        War is the fun of live as we know it.

      • 111 PorterGirl April 8, 2016 at 20:42

        Much agreed.

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke April 11, 2016 at 13:42

        *nods bunches and bunches*

  11. 113 TheCrazyBagLady April 6, 2016 at 14:43

    That’s true

    • 114 Professor VJ Duke April 7, 2016 at 16:38

      Ooo, what is?

      • 115 TheCrazyBagLady April 13, 2016 at 20:17

        That if you run make sure your legs don’t give out 😂

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke April 14, 2016 at 13:37

        Oh yes. Isn’t that the thing? *yells sternly at legs*

      • 117 TheCrazyBagLady April 18, 2016 at 22:22

        Bad legs!!

      • 118 Professor VJ Duke April 19, 2016 at 13:03

        We must beat them from time to time, see.

      • 119 TheCrazyBagLady April 19, 2016 at 23:12

        Yes and they will be stronger

      • 120 Professor VJ Duke April 20, 2016 at 12:47

        And run much, much better.

      • 121 TheCrazyBagLady April 21, 2016 at 16:36

        I run away a lot with my legs if that counts🏃

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:30

        I think that does count. Do your legs get mad at you?

      • 123 TheCrazyBagLady April 25, 2016 at 15:15

        I just ran and they are definitely mad at me but they will thank me later 💕

      • 124 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2016 at 13:29

        I think you’re right. Plus, that sort of soreness is great soreness, you know.


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