The professor put on a t-shirt, then a dress shirt, then a sweater vest, then a velvet jacket.
I did this ’cause it was sorta cold out, you know.
And like Scrooge says, garments were invented to protect against cold.
Though I sorta doubt this, the sudden. See, the garments didn’t do too much to protect against the cold, I felt. Then again, I’m sure it was better than nothing.
See? Every story has two sides. I persuade myself freely from side to side, depending on my mood at the hour, minute, or even second.
Anyways and a sum of half the total, this professor was on the march through a college campus.
It was lightly snowing and quite gray outside, see.
I hear that muscles shiver to protect against the cold. You know, they sorta shiver to build up heat. This is wrong of them. If they didn’t shiver, I wouldn’t be cold. See, shivering causes my coldness.
This is a fact.
Then I ran into a group of students, I think.
“Where are you going?” one asked.
Sorta brazen, I thought.
“Too far in this weather,” I answered.
“Where?”
“Yeah, where?” another joined in.
I find that when you’re getting asked lots and lots of questions, the best thing to do is talk lots and lots. This stops your attacker from asking more questions.
But don’t you know, at that exact moment, my mouth was too cold to move much.
Dadblame the weather.
“What’s in the bag?” one of the girls asked.
And I was carrying a bag.
Okay, it didn’t look like this, obviously. But this is what came up first for secret bag…let me have another locketh…
This isn’t right either. I assure you.
Aha! This is something like what I was carrying.
So, what was in the bag?
“Enough dynamite to blow up your college, I fear.”
That fetched them.
They were off in a jiffy–which I hear is a tenth of a second.
And this professor was alone again.
Few seconds later, a police car sorta pulled up.
Lesson: Don’t make up dangerous lies.
Moral: If you lie, make sure everyone knows it’s a lie.
Rats and a Heifer.
I’ve decided I lied because I was so cold.
*nods*
The Punchy Lands! 
I’m dying. Professor needs a pink bag! Loool
Pink?! But then I’d look like a girl.
That’s the point!
I happen to be the most ugly, vicious, and mean warrior of all time, mind you!
You really can be incredibly vicious. We all know you had cats in your bag.
Cats? Like bobcat cats?
The machine or the animal?
Ooo, the animal, of course!
That third bag does look appropriate for a warrior. You could have said that the bag was full of dirty laundry and thus got rid of them. Was there really dynamite in it?
Well…well…will you turn me in if I tell you?
Of course I wouldn’t turn you in.
There was maybe one stick. But that’s all, of course. I’m a reasonable professor.
Hmmm. The dynamite line might have been a mis-step, Old Sport. We’ll see how it plays out. And to be honest, the pink and black number might look best with your ensemble.
But Walt. How can I wear pink and still hold my head up?
Hold your head up first, like, before you wear the pink. You’ve got it in the wrong order, see.
Hm. I can see that. But…but…but…still!
I fear you may of the evasive sort Professor…. Shivering is good for you then.
I might be a bit evasive. Shivering good? Why…why…grr.
Ha ha ha. Enjoyed this. I think your response to the kids was perfect. Too bad about the police.
*bows* Why thank you muches. Can you believe they took it seriously? *rampages*
I think if I saw you with a duffle and you declared it full of explosives I would take your seriously as well.
You might even tackle me.
Oh dear Professor! It seems you manage to find trouble no matter where you go.
Do you suppose it’s a gift or curse?
I think it is both!
Awesome. The best gift is a curse.
A curse is sometimes a blessing in disguise.
Disguises are awful.Unless I’m wearing them, see.
I understand.
Then I feel more spy-like.
That makes sense!
Haha. *bows*
Laws.
There’s so many, I might break one here and there.
Well, I hope the police will go easy on you. You can always lie about the lie you told. Perhaps the students were so cold, they misheard?
Yes, yes. Their ears were freezing off. Who can hear when your ears are freezing off?
Professor, I’ve decided to seek professional help. Care to join me? Velvet? Please!
*laughs* Do you think I need it? Okay, let’s go. *gives Hollie the velvet jacket*
The first step to sobriety! yay! :D Puts on velvet jacket, so proud.
Does that mean I get a cupcake?
You need some kind of positive reinforcement, a cupcake seem good.
Cherry cupcake?
I think you’re lying about the bag you carried, too, Professor. I believe the second choice (teddy rolling backpack) was what you were really carting around. That’s very suspicious indeed. I’d have stopped you too!
*gulp* Now why would you think that? Plus, how could I have ended up with a bag like that?
You thieved it of course! *suspicious eyes*
I’m better than Aladdin at thieving, you know.
Velvet was a bad move in snow, layers or not.
You need to grow your hair to prevent the cold – mine works wonders as a dual scarf and earmuff combination! Although, I find if my nose is cold, nothing can warm me up. We need to invent stylish nose heaters!
Next time, just tell them it’s a cat and you can’t let it out… ;)
A nose heater! You could wear one of those bank-robbing masks, you know. That might be the ticket. I’m never wearing velvet again. Yucketh. Where was I? Oh yes. Long hair. I can’t do that!
Good idea! Brilliant. You’re full of brilliant ideas.
Well, thank you. I must be having a good day then – my ideas are usually crackpot and/or useless! You could always sport a man bun when it gets too much, I hear they’re the thing now. You shouldn’t give up on velvet altogether though, it can be quite dashing in the right environment. Or eccentric, depends on the accessories I feel. Man bun + velvet = #stylegoals
*laughs* Man bun is a big thing! What’s with that, tho? I’m sure the girls hate it.
They can’t all hate it, there must be some reason for the popularity. Personally, I don’t think I’d like having to fight for a hairbrush – there’s only enough room for one head of unruly hair in a relationship!
*laughs* Well…maybe women will start cutting it all off? You know, like chaps do now. The professor should just get a wig! What about that?
Oh, a toupée is much more ‘professorial’!
A toupee. I think you make half these things up, you know.
It’s a real thing! Check your list of requirements in the professors’ handbook you should have received: Monocle, tweed waistcoat, toupee (optional) and a cane…
*laughs* Can it be a sword can, pretty pleases?
I wouldn’t expect it to be anything less!
Oh goody. Make sure it’s so sharp, I could cut cloth with it, you know?
Oh goodness! I am never letting you come to my campus! :D
Just for one speech, pretty please?
NOOOOOO
It’ll be like…Mark Twain?
Well that does sound like quite the dashing outfit, Professor. I am surprised it didn’t keep the cold out but maybe the cold was already within.
You know, I think you may have something there. Like the Wendigo. Doesn’t he have a frozen heart?
Perhaps he needs a vacation somewhere hot!
Like in the Caribbean with the pirates for instance.
Pirates make great hosts. I should advise that at once.
Pirates are the best. I think they are, at least. Captain Bootleg was.
It’s always a toss up between pirates and vikings for me but pirates have more swagger about themselves, I say. He sounds like a fine fellow – did he have a beard, do you suppose?
I bet so. Maybe just a little one. But still, that counts. Vikings are awesome, too. Hard decision there.
It’s these kind of tough decisions that make us into the men we are, Professor. Well – obviously I won’t be made into a man. I’m not a reverse Bruce Jenner.
*laughing* A reverse Bruce Jenner! He’s trying to be both, see.
I don’t know why I even brought him up. I am in quite the vicious mood this afternoon, I think.
*laughs* Do you ever feel like you want to drop a bomb on the world?
Only about four times a week.
That’s me a day, haha.
Haha! I can’t say I blame you.
I’m such a violent beast.
Only on a day with a ‘Y’ in it.
Hahahaha. I like that. Hm. Very good.
Professor, I’d have thought you’d be toasty in all those layers, but perhaps a coat would have served you better. Domer says men’s coats look “dumb,” so what do I know? I guess he freezes the same as you do, in an effort to look “cool.” (Make that, COLD!!)
If you’d been toting that middle bag, you probably wouldn’t have had dealings with the police. They’d have just picked you up and hauled you off to the funny farm! Gee, did those students think you looked like a bomber in your fancy velvet jacket?? Rats and a Heifer, indeed!
Haha. He’s right! Who wants to wear a coat? Then you sorta look like a huge rolly-polly sort of thing. No coats, see. Cool is better than be warm. Wait. Something like that.
I should’ve body slammed them all, huh? Funny Farm. I wonder what it’s like there. Probably scary.
I swooned so badly at the velvet jacket bit, I nearly missed the rest! Tuppence had to throw a jug of cold water over me! For which I hold you wholly responsible… *glowers vengefully and damply*
Well, you see, you should have worn a kilt and matching plaid – then your knees would have done all the shivering for you! Or you could have worn a deerstalker to keep the Professorial ears warm and to stop stuff escaping from your head… *thinks about that one, but decides to leave it* You should definitely go for the middle bag next time…
*sighs and shakes head* Jail again! They’ll be charging you rent soon…
Cold water? I do apologize for that. It must’ve been cold. I hate cold water. Unless it’s hot outside. If it’s hot outside I don’t mind cold water, you know. Velvet is so important looking. It’s hilarious.
I did have this hat on. But I forget what it’s called. It’s black and has a funny shape. You know? It’s black. And it’s got a funny shape. Yes, that’s it. Things don’t escape from my ears! I keep all my info locked away and protected lots and lots.
They already do. Bust me out?
It’s not hot outside! *growls* I adore velvet – have I mentioned that? It’s soooooo tactile! It’s like having a cat without the scratching and the smells! It may be my top favourite fabric. Better not wear it while that matchmaker’s around – the girls will not be able to resist… *swoons again* No, Tuppence!! Not again!! *sploshes disconsolately away*
Ah! A sombrero! #cool But do you remember where you put the key?
Again?? This is becoming a full-time job! Can’t you use the same tunnel as I dug last time? This plays havoc with my nails, you know, you know…
*looks at sunburn* Yes, it is! You should enjoy some cold water. Velvet is rather nice. It’s not itchy, which is a plus. But…but…but…it’s…like…well…it’s all posh, you know. And vicious looking. *confused* *laughing lots and lots* Tuppence is having such fun. This is great.
Was not! I’ve never worn one of those. Alas, no. I always lose the keys.
But imagine how good it is for your arms and upper body strength! #cool
The sun shone today! It was so exciting! It’s gone again now though. Velvet is super-sophisticated – real class! Especially black velvet… *eyes Tuppence warily*
A beret then!
Do I strike you as the type of person who desires arms like Rafa and a torso like Taylor Kitsch?
It’s been sunny here! I’ve even got a bit sunburnt. Yup. I have. Haha. When we meet I’m going to bring a squirt gun since you like it so much.
Isn’t that a gun?
Abs. Abs like Taylor Kitsch, you mean. Must get these words right, FEF. Umm…no, probably not. But women don’t get that sort of muscle, do they?
Don’t forget the sunscreen! Pretty pink nose – yummy. Bright red nose – clown. *laughs* Bring two and we can have a battle – or hunt Tuppence!! *eyes gleam*
Oh, pleeeeeease don’t start wearing guns on your head!
*laughs* I’ve never seen the point of learning the names of things I never use… *gasps* Only because we have more important stuff to do!! *cuts cake*
Hahahaha. My arms got it, actually. Nose, reported just fine. Hunt Tuppence! I’m on for that. Cats love playing water games, I find.
Not even under a hat?
But you use them all the time! You just don’t realize it, see. Uh-huh. *firm believer in cake once a year*
So glad! One should always take care of one’s nose! It comes in so useful from time to time. *laughs* Do they? I shall throw a bucket of water over them then, and tell them you told me to do it…
You’d need a little gun turret sticking out the top…
Once a year?!? *faints*
Well, it does lots, I suppose. Especially for smelling the carrion flowers you’re going to put in your new flowerpot. How cool is that?! Well, yes, blame me. I get blamed for everything anymore. I’m quite used to it. And adept at it.
That’d be awesome! I’d control it, too, with a remote in my hand. I’d be fierce, then. But I’m Pharaoh now, so…
If!
Ooh, you can’t put your nose near them! Not without a crusader helmet on, anyway! Well, that’s probably just ‘cos everything’s your fault! *nods decidedly*
You’d need mirrors attached to the sides of your hat too so you could see the enemy sneaking up on you from behind! *laughs* Just so as you know, I pointblank refuse to be a wench!
So cruel!!
Oh no. I bet I could take a whiff without the helmet, the sudden. But maybe only one. Everything can’t be my fault, dadblameit! Then again. I usually do cause lots of stuff, haha.
*laughing* I’ll get a bunch of Anubites to fan me, then. I’m not particular, see.