Tiger vs Tiger Salamander

So, I’ve got a very pressing question, the sudden.

Would you rather be a tiger…

tiger-dirk-freder-isp

…or a tiger slamander…

tiger-salamander_739_600x450

An odd question, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Let me start at the beginning, tho.

See, the professor was in a Discovery Store in a mall. Well, sorta like a nature store.

I walked in ’cause there were these things about:

semiprecious-stones

This professor was only looking for a minute before a young man came up. He had bushy eyebrows, lots of hair, and thick glasses.

“Hey,” he said.

He also worked there; I could tell by his shirt, see.

“Many hey’s in return,” I answered. Didn’t want to be bothered, really.

“Can I ask you a question? Good. Would you rather be a tiger or a tiger salamander?”

Now, this was a thing. Not too hard of a decision either. See, tigers are definitely more vicious than tiger salamanders–that’s what I was thinking, at least.

“You know,” I said, “I’d rather be a tiger. A black one, tho.”

And that’s when the fellow got really excited.

“That’s what you say now!” he said, gesticulating wildly about. “But what if I told you tiger salamanders can transmit Batrachochytrium dendrobatidis which is the cause of the disease Chytridiomycosis, which is a danger to most frog species.”

“You just blew my mind.”

“Which means,” he continued undaunted, “tiger salamanders can be the greatest weapon ever, if you’re fighting a population of frogs.”

“I see, but–“

“Which means, even though on the surface a tiger seems way more powerful than a tiger salamander, tigers are not as effective against a population of frogs as a tiger salamander would be.”

“Wow, what a thing–“

“See? Size isn’t everything. Sometimes slimy wins out.”

He laughed at his own joke there.

“But,” I countered, “let’s suppose, just for kicks, giggles, and whatnot, that a particular tiger–a real beast of a fellow–hated frogs to no end. In fact, he made it his sole ambition in life to go around and squish them up. What then? Maybe just as effective as the tiger salamander?” 

The fellow was shaking his head. “Not at all. Chytridiomycosis can spread to way more frogs! Way more than the tiger could ever crush.”

There was silence for a time.

Finally, he said:

“And that is why I’d rather be a tiger salamander than a tiger. Did I change your mind on it, too? Would you rather be a tiger salamander, too?”

I looked him straight in the eye, and said:

“No, I think not. I’d rather be a tiger still. And the first thing I’d do as a tiger is find you (as a tiger salamander) and squish you right and proper.”

I left.

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152 Responses to “Tiger vs Tiger Salamander”


  1. 1 That Tiny Giant May 16, 2016 at 19:02

    I wouldn’t be either. No lipstick looks good on them!

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke May 17, 2016 at 12:42

      Or on the professor for that matter. Still, I should try black. Imagine that.

  2. 3 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister April 25, 2016 at 14:05

    I’d much rather be a tiger, you know. Mostly because they are beautiful and quite soft, or at least they look it. What did you want with the rocks, Duke? I’d maybe rather prefer to be the striped rock next to the pointy blue one. Or be the pointy blue one. She’s most pretty.

    • 4 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2016 at 13:22

      Oh I like rocks. Pointy blue one is quite a nice looking rock. I think I’d want to be a red one, tho I don’t see a red one there. Which is a pity. Don’t you think every rock store should have a red rock?

      • 5 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 2, 2016 at 19:33

        I find something red in every store is a must, Duke. A red rock sounds perfect.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2016 at 13:02

        Red Rocks! Isn’t that a concert venue somewhere?

      • 7 Audrey Dawn - Oldest Daughter Redheaded Sister May 9, 2016 at 14:40

        Ha. I believe it is..Colorado, right? My favorite place.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke May 9, 2016 at 15:40

        Yeah! That’s right.

  3. 9 L. Marie April 21, 2016 at 14:14

    I would rather be way on top of the food chain. So tiger it is!

    • 10 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:15

      Yes, you can be the wicked one from the Jungle Book.

  4. 11 Simply Skeptical April 20, 2016 at 21:14

    I’m with you Prof. A tiger is the beauty of the two; just like you….

    • 12 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:31

      Now, now! Don’t make me nose dive you! That’s cool. Just made it up, see.

  5. 13 John W. Howell April 20, 2016 at 20:49

    My feelings exactly.

    • 14 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:31

      I think you might’ve slugged him a good one.

      • 15 John W. Howell April 21, 2016 at 16:16

        Still waiting to try out this new 9MM

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:27

        Ooo…what sort is it?

      • 17 John W. Howell April 25, 2016 at 17:23

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2016 at 13:35

        *laughing lots* She loved it. I need one of those, the sudden.

      • 19 John W. Howell April 26, 2016 at 18:11

        Yes. Everyone should have one.

      • 20 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2016 at 12:08

        Will you get me three?

      • 21 John W. Howell April 27, 2016 at 13:02

        Sure. They’ll arrive by UPS

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2016 at 13:22

        Then I’ll have to figure a way to get them through the airport.

      • 23 John W. Howell April 28, 2016 at 13:26

        Yeah. Might be tough. Maybe you could rent an airplane.

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2016 at 13:32

        Do you pilot?

      • 25 John W. Howell April 28, 2016 at 19:58

        Yup.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2016 at 13:58

        *mouth drops to floor* I’m coming to hang out for a few months. I’ll make sure the sand stays off things. That’s so cooooooooooool!

      • 27 John W. Howell April 29, 2016 at 18:06

        Sad part is I’m not licensed

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke May 2, 2016 at 13:44

        Bah. Who cares!

      • 29 John W. Howell May 2, 2016 at 15:29

        Still can fly em though Multi engine

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2016 at 12:58

        Now. What is multi engine?

      • 31 John W. Howell May 3, 2016 at 21:07

        Some planes have one engine some two some three and some four. I can do two.

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke May 4, 2016 at 13:22

        Two engine is the coolest. Let’s go and scout for the sub.

      • 33 John W. Howell May 4, 2016 at 14:01

        Okay. Good idea.

      • 34 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2016 at 13:01

        Let’s put a bomb on it.

      • 35 John W. Howell May 5, 2016 at 18:08

        Big bomb

      • 36 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2016 at 21:28

        Nuclear even.

      • 37 John W. Howell May 5, 2016 at 21:56

        Um…I can’t take too many rads

      • 38 Professor VJ Duke May 6, 2016 at 18:31

        Yes, same here. Goodness. What to do with them.

      • 39 John W. Howell May 6, 2016 at 22:50

        Let’s stay conventional. No nukes

      • 40 Professor VJ Duke May 9, 2016 at 15:35

        And here I thought a nuke was conventional.

      • 41 John W. Howell May 9, 2016 at 20:44

        Nope. Radioactive. Makes you glow in the dark

      • 42 Professor VJ Duke May 10, 2016 at 16:08

        Glow green?

      • 43 John W. Howell May 10, 2016 at 19:21

        Yes. Like a firefly

      • 44 Professor VJ Duke May 11, 2016 at 16:35

        I’ve always liked those things.

  6. 45 Debbie April 20, 2016 at 18:03

    Professor, you have an uncanny ability to find the oddest people. Is it because your area has so many of these odd folks, or do you search them out?? Anyways and then some, I’m with you…tiger, it is. Glad you held your ground. After all, who ever heard of frogs taking over the world anyway?!

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:18

      Well, imagine. What if a frog was as big as a bear? Imagine that tongue. It’d suck people up in a heartbeat, an eyewink, and an ear thump. It’d be over before it began.

  7. 47 Nancy Loderick April 20, 2016 at 17:01

    Hey Professor,

    Good for you for sticking to your guns! Er, or should I say to your salamanders! :)

    Nancy

    • 48 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:16

      Haha. Now, I’m a salamander. Salamanders are spicy, don’t you know.

  8. 49 Freakishly Fangirlish April 20, 2016 at 16:47

    I would rather be a tiger, because then I could communicate with my army of cats and take over the world…

    • 50 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:16

      *laughs* And you could scratch them back a bit. For revenge, see.

      • 51 Freakishly Fangirlish April 21, 2016 at 14:51

        Haha yes, I could have revenge on my sweet kitties XD

      • 52 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:19

        That’s the spirit. You’re now a vicious warrior, see.

      • 53 Freakishly Fangirlish April 25, 2016 at 17:28

        rawr *hisses at cat*

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2016 at 13:36

        Even more vicious!

  9. 55 Amanda Lyle April 20, 2016 at 16:43

    Wow. That just blew my mind too. I don’t know what to choose?! A frog? 🐸🐸🐸

    • 56 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:16

      You’d rather be a frog than a tiger? I think I’d rather be a tiger. Imagine all the frogs you could eat, see.

      • 57 Amanda Lyle April 21, 2016 at 13:29

        I don’t fancy frogs much…that’s a French thing, isn’t it? 😷

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:33

        Frogs are a French thing? Or not fancying frogs is a French thing?

      • 59 Amanda Lyle April 21, 2016 at 13:34

        Eating frogs! 😳

      • 60 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:14

        Ohhhhh! I think you’re right. You know, I can’t see myself eating a frog, I must admit.

  10. 61 FictionFan April 20, 2016 at 15:31

    (Hahahahahahahahaha!!! The Professorial mind is a truly unique place – one of the last great untamed wildernesses on earth!)

    But to get to the point… I’m so glad you’ve decided to be a tiger because even you have to admit they’re so much cuddlier than tiger salamanders – as tactile as the finest velvet! The man in the shop makes a big mistake in thinking slimy ever wins out against cuddly – but then that’s typical man thinking for you… *shakes head sadly* I mean, who ever saw a salmander in a velvet jacket? Those poor little frogs! I’m so looking forward to you squishing him!

    Sudden thought: A tiger with jiu jitsu skills – terrifying! Think of the triangle you could do with four legs… *thinks and faints*

    • 62 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:15

      (I thought this up in five minutes, you know. I’m so brilliant. Haha.)

      Oh, goodness! Look at that violent tendency you’re showing there. Now, now. Everyone knows a lizard would look nicer in a velvet coat than a tiger would. This is a truth universally acknowledged by me. Tigers aren’t cute! They’re filthy beasts. They’ll try and take your lungs, too, you know.

      Haha. I bet a tiger couldn’t move that way! And I’m the worst jitsu dude ever!

      • 63 FictionFan April 21, 2016 at 15:49

        (You are! As brilliant as the light of countless suns travelling across space/time to be caught and transmitted to Earth by the Hubble telescope!)

        Tchah! A velvet jacket would be wasted on a lizard – they’re just not suave enough! You have an obsession with my lungs being devoured – it’s very worrying! Tigers are just big kittens – just dangle a ball of wool and they’ll be your friend for life. Go on, try it!

        Nah!! I am!!

      • 64 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:22

        (*laughs* That makes me sound like a vicious particle. I like that!)

        Lizards are very suave! Have you ever seen their tongues? They’re magnificent, I think. Oh dear. I’m not sure I can try that. What if my lungs get eaten? Haha.

        Well. You just have to learn is all!

  11. 65 Haylee April 20, 2016 at 14:56

    He needs a poison arrow (frog) right between the eyes.
    So yes, Team Tiger because it’s almost a lion (knew I’d sway you eventually… 😉)

    • 66 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:11

      *Laughs* Noooooo…but there was no bear option, see! Plus, I’m sure you’d pick a tiger over a lion…

      • 67 Haylee April 21, 2016 at 13:58

        Nope.

      • 68 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:15

        Dang it!

  12. 69 Susan P April 20, 2016 at 14:36

    Have you been reading William Blake?

    TIGER, tiger, burning bright
    In the forests of the night,
    What immortal hand or eye
    Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

    http://www.bartleby.com/101/489.html

    • 70 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:08

      Who is he? I fear I only know him just now.

  13. 71 PorterGirl April 20, 2016 at 14:27

    The chap in the shop sounds very enthusiastic! Which I would be too, by the way, if I worked in such a great shop. I especially like the sound of his eyebrows. Now – I would love to answer your question, but we both know I am in fact a naked mole rat thingy so couldn’t possibly be either of those two things. But if I am forced to choose between the two, I lean towards actual tiger – bigger mouths, see, and can eat more. I always want to be the thing that eats the most.

    • 72 Susan P April 20, 2016 at 14:37

      How is that again?

      • 73 PorterGirl April 20, 2016 at 14:42

        Ah, it is something of a long story. Well, not so much long as not very interesting. I suspected I might be one of those naked things after seeing a picture on this very blog. Further investigations proved conclusive – I am part naked mole rat!

      • 74 Susan P April 20, 2016 at 14:43

        I had some pet mice…is that anything like it?

      • 75 PorterGirl April 20, 2016 at 14:44

        Yes – but with less fur. No fur, in fact. The nakedness refers to the fur, I think – I try to ensure I have clothes on most of the time.

      • 76 Susan P April 20, 2016 at 14:55

        Now see, next month about this time I won’t have any hair either. I must learn of this.

      • 77 PorterGirl April 20, 2016 at 15:26

        Then you can join the illustrious ranks of naked mole rats! I hope you are getting an amazing hat. Or maybe I could knit you a wig? With or without hair you will be as beautiful, witty and wise as ever.

      • 78 Susan P April 20, 2016 at 15:37

        Thank you, Lucy. I am glad there are options. I started by telling Harry I am not wearing a wig or a hag… Such fun.

      • 79 PorterGirl April 20, 2016 at 15:56

        Haha! Well you should wear – or not wear – whatever suits you. Maybe a turban?! The possibilities are endless…

      • 80 Susan P April 20, 2016 at 18:21

        Turban…YES. Still aiming for classic.

      • 81 PorterGirl April 20, 2016 at 18:32

        Get one with a nice big jewel on the front. Then you can be classic AND fancy.

      • 82 Susan P April 20, 2016 at 18:50

        I love the way you think!

      • 83 PorterGirl April 20, 2016 at 19:54

        ;)

      • 84 Susan P April 20, 2016 at 20:01

        ;D

      • 85 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:19

        Thank you.

      • 86 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:18

        Ooo, ooo, ooo! Me, me me! Get me one, please.

      • 87 Susan P April 21, 2016 at 20:52

        Do you want a pink one or a red one?

      • 88 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:31

        Red, please.

      • 89 Susan P April 25, 2016 at 14:36

        Or blue?

      • 90 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2016 at 13:29

        Oh no. Just red.

      • 91 Susan P April 26, 2016 at 13:48

        A man who knows what he wants.

      • 92 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2016 at 12:00

        When it comes to red.

      • 93 Chris White April 20, 2016 at 14:45

        Surely not … chest. NOOOOOOOO!!!

      • 94 PorterGirl April 20, 2016 at 14:47

        Kris, you are hilarious. The chest is just fine, don’t worry. I keep it in the Library.

      • 95 Chris White April 20, 2016 at 14:50

        Really ? I like a person who can keep themselves in different places.

      • 96 PorterGirl April 20, 2016 at 14:51

        I do my best, you know.

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:09

        Is there gems in the chest?

      • 98 PorterGirl April 22, 2016 at 07:46

        (I read that as germs first off!!) There are two gems, a magic book and some sandwiches. Precious things, you see.

      • 99 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:36

        Magic book…can I have one of those?

      • 100 PorterGirl April 25, 2016 at 14:03

        Oh yes, I am sure that would be okay. You can have the heaviest one.

      • 101 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2016 at 13:21

        And the coolest one, too, please.

      • 102 PorterGirl April 26, 2016 at 13:26

        Absolutely. Only the best for you, Professor.

      • 103 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2016 at 13:38

        With lots of bugs in it.

      • 104 PorterGirl April 26, 2016 at 13:41

        Only the crunchiest bugs, naturally.

      • 105 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2016 at 11:59

        And the cutest.

      • 106 PorterGirl April 27, 2016 at 12:02

        Oh, I have already eaten the cutest ones.

      • 107 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2016 at 12:13

        That means all the spiders are gone. Rats.

      • 108 PorterGirl April 27, 2016 at 12:15

        Sadly, yes. Their hairy little legs tickled on the way in.

      • 109 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2016 at 13:19

        I do hope you didn’t eat a black widow, tho…

      • 110 PorterGirl April 28, 2016 at 16:48

        I didn’t think of that – I may have done! *shudders*

      • 111 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2016 at 13:56

        I’ve always wondered if that little red thing tasted like cherry.

      • 112 PorterGirl April 30, 2016 at 08:05

        I bet so. If all red things tasted of cherry the world would be a better place.

      • 113 Professor VJ Duke May 2, 2016 at 13:46

        I think so. Imagine. The vampires would enjoy themselves more.

      • 114 PorterGirl May 3, 2016 at 06:13

        Maybe they wouldn’t be so grumpy, then.

      • 115 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2016 at 13:05

        Quite right. Maybe they’d be nicer.

      • 116 PorterGirl May 3, 2016 at 14:15

        And smile a bit.

      • 117 Professor VJ Duke May 4, 2016 at 13:09

        Which would be capital.

      • 118 PorterGirl May 4, 2016 at 20:05

        *nods* very much so.

      • 119 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2016 at 13:16

        *double0nod*

    • 120 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:08

      *laughs* OF course! That makes sense. I knew you might pick that. I should’ve known anyways and a sum. So…even over the ability to spread the coolest disease ever you’d pick a tiger?

      • 121 PorterGirl April 22, 2016 at 07:45

        You know me so well! I am not much of a fan of disease, it must be said. I would worry about eating things that were diseased. Best to eat things when they are healthy and plump. So… tiger it is! (Also – they have great tails)

      • 122 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:36

        *laughs* Good point! But…don’t lizards have great tails too? And tongues? See. What a thing.

      • 123 PorterGirl April 25, 2016 at 14:03

        Their tongues are better, this is true. But the tiger tail wins on account of it being furry. I want to be be furry, the sudden.

      • 124 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2016 at 13:21

        Yes, but imagine the ticks you might attract then.

      • 125 PorterGirl April 26, 2016 at 13:26

        Pah. I attract enough ticks as it is.

      • 126 Professor VJ Duke April 26, 2016 at 13:37

        See? Salamander it is.

      • 127 PorterGirl April 26, 2016 at 13:41

        Is that better or worse than being a naked mole rat, do you think?

      • 128 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2016 at 11:58

        Well…I think salamanders are better…then again, mole rats like tunneling beneath the earth.

      • 129 PorterGirl April 27, 2016 at 12:01

        I cannot deny my mole rat heritage.

      • 130 Professor VJ Duke April 27, 2016 at 12:13

        *laughs* Now, this is a thing of wonder, you know.

      • 131 PorterGirl April 27, 2016 at 12:15

        It is something of which I am most proud!

      • 132 Professor VJ Duke April 28, 2016 at 13:19

        You do have great teeth (I think) if you come from one of them. They’re sharp, I think.

      • 133 PorterGirl April 28, 2016 at 16:47

        Yes, they probably are. Handy for eating big things.

      • 134 Professor VJ Duke April 29, 2016 at 13:56

        Oh and you must come to the tpl chat when I have it, you know. I shall drag you in by your Terry! (not sure how that one will work, tho…)

      • 135 PorterGirl April 30, 2016 at 08:04

        Haha! I love that phrase! Sounds like something mum might say. I shall be there, Sir, just try and stop me! (Let me know when in occurs just in case I am not paying proper attention. )

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke May 2, 2016 at 13:46

        *laughs* Oh perfect. Must set a time. It’ll be great. If it works. Pah.

      • 137 PorterGirl May 3, 2016 at 06:13

        I have no doubt that it will be brilliant! Just let me know when the grand event takes place.

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke May 3, 2016 at 13:04

        I shall, I shall. So nervous about it. *retiring really*

      • 139 PorterGirl May 3, 2016 at 14:15

        Nervous? You? A hungry warrior with no time for manners? I cannot believe it. And I shall hear no talk of retirement or… I shall retire too!

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke May 4, 2016 at 13:09

        Nah, you’re too young to retire. When you get my age, you can start thinking about it.

      • 141 PorterGirl May 4, 2016 at 20:05

        You. Are. HILARIOUS.

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke May 5, 2016 at 13:15

        And ugly.

      • 143 PorterGirl May 7, 2016 at 08:32

        You are literally the least ugly person I know.

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke May 9, 2016 at 15:39

        All lies, I tell you!

  14. 145 walt walker April 20, 2016 at 14:04

    What about a tiger that could become a tiger salamander at need? Like, whenever there is a frog battle to be won?

    • 146 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:04

      Now, Mr. Walt, you are truly an epic human being. I dig that so much. Sign me up for that one, please.

  15. 147 Chris White April 20, 2016 at 14:03

    Er … eye of the tiger, methinks. Also … would you rather be a hammer than a nail ? All the best.

    • 148 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:03

      I’d rather be the nail, of course. Imagine what you could do if you were a nail. Wood would be scared of you, for one. Eye of the tiger…cream of the crop…

  16. 149 Alastair Savage April 20, 2016 at 13:56

    Nope, nope, you haven’t convinced me.
    I do like spotty salamanders though.

    • 150 Professor VJ Duke April 21, 2016 at 13:03

      Seriously? Rats. Spotty ones. Do they pass diseases?

      • 151 Alastair Savage April 21, 2016 at 13:41

        Only onto other salamanders, I think.

      • 152 Professor VJ Duke April 25, 2016 at 13:15

        Aha. Now that is a thing! I like it, you know.


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