Honi Planet

The more folly you have, the more wise you can possibly become. 

V. Shnodgrate, Renowned PL Poet

UntitledThe door opened (with a ding, mind) and the mass of humanity moved forward.

Now, here’s the thing: It was so dark, I couldn’t see a thing. The path we were supposed to follow, however, was lit up by blue lights.

That was convenient, I must say. After all, without those lights, I probably would have tripped or fallen a few hundred times.

So good of them to include those.

I must’ve stopped for a minute or two, ’cause the lady behind me (you know, the one with the huge briefcase) gave me a friendly tap.

“Keep moving!” she said, quietly.

And I did, of course.

Okay, so I’ll be honest with you: The launch chairs surprised the grubs out of my ears.


Grubs almost look like noodles.

Grubs almost look like noodles.

The launch chairs were in rows. And there was a sort of canopy above each row. What a thing.

When the line stopped moving, I was in front of a chair.

And the professor did what the professor knew he had to do.

I stowed my pack in the basket below the seat, and sat down. (The seat was sorta web-y. That’s how it felt, at least. Like outdoor furniture, see.)

And I buckled in, too, because. Just because.

The lady with the huge briefcase barely got that mammoth stowed under her seat, but she managed it.

A veteran of the huge briefcase, truly.

Then she took her seat. Within minutes, everyone was seated.

That’s when the voice came back, because we’d all missed it:

Intergalactic Flight 10 is about to Launch. Green light.

And that’s when the rows left the ground, leaving my feet to dangle helplessly in the dark air, like a bunch of butterflies caught in a net.


This chap has been at the art of butterfly catching for years, see.

And we were moving, through the blackness.

I turned to the lady next to me.

“Where are we going?”

She leaned close and whispered: “We’re being carried to our launch ship.”

And she was right. We entered into some sort of rocket looking thingy (tough to see ’cause of the light, mind). Each row was above another row. And yes, the feet were still dangling.

Sorta like this:


Then there was a hiss and shout as the rocket closed us in.

Trapped, we were.

Dark, it was.

That’s when there was a loud boom, and we sorta blasted off at that point, I bet.

It was sorta enjoyable.

After a bit, lights came on, and a voice came over the loudspeakers:

“Hey, honeys, this is Manly-Man and I’s your Captain for the flight. We should be landing on Honi Planet in a little bit. Okay. Bye.”

Great. What could possibly go wrong with him as the pilot?

I decided to forget about it. See, I wiped the whole thing from my memory system. Done.

Honi Planet. Capital of the Honi Galaxy.

The thing was, The Punchy Lands was usually left alone by the Honi Empire. Even though, TPL was technically part of the empire, and therefore subject to them, it certainly didn’t seem that way.

That’s when the professor was tapped on the arm.

“Hey,” the lady with the huge briefcase said. “I know this is strange…but if anything happens to me…and you’re around…make sure my briefcase doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.”

“Who has the wrong hands?” 

A just question, I thought.

But she turned away. Wouldn’t answer.

I got out Shakespeare, then.


And it must’ve worked, ’cause the next thing I remember was a bunch of screaming, and alarms blaring, and Manly-Man’s voice breaking up over the line:

“We’s been hit, honeybuttses. H—o–l–d…”

I looked next to me.

The lady with the huge briefcase was gone.

But her briefcase wasn’t.

PL Symbol


158 Responses to “Honi Planet”

  1. 1 erinkenobi2893 June 13, 2016 at 14:08

    I’ll bet that that woman is a secret agent! (Also, it’s a good thing you got those grubs out of your ears. They can steal your memory, you know.)

    • 2 Professor VJ Duke June 14, 2016 at 13:08

      Is that what they do? The buggers. I think so, too, you know.

      • 3 erinkenobi2893 June 14, 2016 at 14:55

        They’re bad grubs. I hope you gave them a well-deserved squishifying.

      • 4 Professor VJ Duke June 15, 2016 at 14:36

        I took them to Cap for safekeeping.

      • 5 erinkenobi2893 June 15, 2016 at 16:18

        Good! We’ll lock them in a jar in the bottom of the Black Archive.

      • 6 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2016 at 14:21

        Black archive! That sounds like something

      • 7 erinkenobi2893 June 16, 2016 at 20:21

        Technically that one is UNIT’s… and I can’t materialize the TARDIS inside… so I may have been boasting. Just a little bit.

      • 8 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2016 at 14:49

        Erin! Only a Sith boasts, you know

      • 9 erinkenobi2893 June 17, 2016 at 21:38

        Sith boast. Jedi bluff. Time Lords flat-out lie. (And I happen to be a most-of-the-time Time Lord and part-time Jedi–that’s a headache and a half to puzzle out.)

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke June 21, 2016 at 13:16

        You are! Whoa. I did not know that.

      • 11 erinkenobi2893 June 21, 2016 at 18:03

        Yes. It happened quite by accident. You see, I used to be a full-time Jedi, but Disney fired me, and I had to become a fantasy protagonist, and I ended up becoming a Time Lord entirely by accident.

      • 12 Professor VJ Duke June 22, 2016 at 21:02

        I bet the Doc forced you into it

      • 13 erinkenobi2893 June 23, 2016 at 23:59

        He didn’t force me. I tripped over him. There’s a difference, see.

      • 14 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2016 at 15:08

        *laughing* Tripped!

      • 15 erinkenobi2893 June 24, 2016 at 16:00

        Indeed. And that’s the story of how I became a Time Lord.

      • 16 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2016 at 17:29

        Wow. You should write it down, I say.

      • 17 erinkenobi2893 June 27, 2016 at 18:09

        I might. It rather depends, I think.

      • 18 erinkenobi2893 June 27, 2016 at 18:25

        Indeed. It was an unfortunate occurrence.

      • 19 Professor VJ Duke June 28, 2016 at 13:26

        There’s lots of those

      • 20 erinkenobi2893 June 28, 2016 at 14:37


  2. 21 Jackie June 12, 2016 at 23:23

    Wow! What a grub!!

    • 22 Professor VJ Duke June 13, 2016 at 12:41

      Isn’t that awful?

      • 23 Jackie June 13, 2016 at 12:58

        It looks slimy and deadly! I’ll bet it would attack if provoked.

      • 24 Professor VJ Duke June 14, 2016 at 13:05

        But do you think it can move fast?

      • 25 Jackie June 14, 2016 at 13:32

        I’m sure under all that grubbiness there are super powers allowing it to move a lot faster than you would expect.

      • 26 Professor VJ Duke June 15, 2016 at 14:31

        Maybe it even has wings!

      • 27 Jackie June 15, 2016 at 14:56

        Absolutely it has wings!

      • 28 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2016 at 14:15

        Goodness! Now I wish I had wings, you know

      • 29 Jackie June 16, 2016 at 14:43

        Me too! That would be so cool.

      • 30 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2016 at 14:45

        I would fly about and eat butterflies

      • 31 Jackie June 16, 2016 at 15:02

        I would fly with the butterflies and dragonflies!

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2016 at 14:35

        Me too! Imagine how fun that’d be!

      • 33 Jackie June 17, 2016 at 14:52

        It would be amazing!

      • 34 Jackie June 17, 2016 at 17:01

        Wait just a dadblam minute! I just remembered – you said you would eat butterflies! So are you gonna fly with them or eat them?! You can’t fly with them and then eat them when you’re done that would be dastardly!

      • 35 Professor VJ Duke June 21, 2016 at 13:01

        Well…right…okay, I’d only eat them if they attacked me. How’s that?

      • 36 Jackie June 21, 2016 at 13:09

        If that’s the case, then you have every right to defend yourself.

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke June 21, 2016 at 13:23

        Mean butterflies!

      • 38 Jackie June 21, 2016 at 13:40

        Yeah! Go away mean butterflies!

      • 39 Professor VJ Duke June 22, 2016 at 20:49

        Or Jackie’ll eat you!

      • 40 Jackie June 22, 2016 at 21:41

        Yeah!! My sprit animal is a dragonfly! So watch out mean butterflies!

      • 41 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2016 at 14:37

        What’s mine, do you suppose? Or, can I pick it?

      • 42 Jackie June 24, 2016 at 15:19

        You pick it! That’s the beauty of spirit animals.

      • 43 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2016 at 17:28

        Ohhhhh…is that how it works! I’ll be…a Grizzly!

  3. 44 PorterGirl June 11, 2016 at 12:32

    I was feeling safe in the hands of MM but it seems even he can’t keep danger away indefinitely. One does wonder about what might be in that suitcase. i am still thinking it’s a consignment of hard drugs.
    Wowawee! That grub thing is enormous. I could almost eat it.

    • 45 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:55

      Eat it? Hahahahaha… Of course! Bet it’s high in protein!

      Drugs, eh. Interesting. Should I sell them or turn them in?

      • 46 PorterGirl June 13, 2016 at 06:16

        Very much so! *nos*
        Sell half, turn the other half in. I believe that is normal procedure.

      • 47 Professor VJ Duke June 13, 2016 at 12:45

        Hahahaha. Okay. But no telling!

      • 48 PorterGirl June 13, 2016 at 12:54

        ‘Tis our secret, dear chap.

      • 49 Professor VJ Duke June 14, 2016 at 13:03

        Secrets are so hard to keep.

      • 50 PorterGirl June 14, 2016 at 13:35

        Not for me – my memory is terrible. What secret were we talking about? *laughs*

      • 51 Professor VJ Duke June 15, 2016 at 14:33

        Look! A bird!

      • 52 PorterGirl June 15, 2016 at 15:07

        Oh! Pah… I feel you are distracting me…

      • 53 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2016 at 14:16

        Maybe just an inch of distraction, mind

  4. 54 Chris White June 10, 2016 at 20:14

    Gasp of admiration for this post. GASP. Did you hear it ? I hope so as it was a genuine gasp of genuine admiration. You had me at ‘briefcase’.
    All the very best. Kris.


    • 55 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:51

      Kris, would you take the briefcase?

  5. 56 Lady Dunamis June 10, 2016 at 17:59

    This reminds me of the Terminator starring Colin Farrell. I like to see where this is going minus that gawd awful worm thiggamagiggy. Gross! That disgusting thing gave me chills.

    • 57 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:50

      You mean you wouldn’t eat it if you had to?

      • 58 Lady Dunamis June 12, 2016 at 16:26

        That thing is so disgusting. I can’t even look at it 👎🤒😷😱

      • 59 Professor VJ Duke June 13, 2016 at 12:38

        *shakes head* But it’s alive and you’re disrespecting it!

      • 60 Lady Dunamis June 13, 2016 at 15:24

        I’m okay with that….

      • 61 Professor VJ Duke June 14, 2016 at 13:08

        Hahahaha! Great answer

  6. 62 Esme upon the Cloud June 10, 2016 at 17:11

    “Who has the wrong hands?” – Hahahahaha

    – esme enjoying this one a lot upon the Cloud

    • 63 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:46

      I def do, you know.

  7. 64 L. Marie June 10, 2016 at 14:49

    I should have known that Manly-Man, who is fond of using words like “honey” and “honeybut” would head to a planet called Honi.

    Just remember: in space, no one can hear you scream.

    • 65 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:45

      Hahahaha. I didn’t even make that connection! But right you are, madam. I know. I think I’m going to die. Or at least wreck in space. Which is basically dying, right?

      • 66 L. Marie June 13, 2016 at 13:13

        You probably won’t die. But if you see any grubs, try to eat them before they eat you. When my niece spent a semester in Ecuador, she ate grubs. She said they were sort of crunchy and mashed potato-y.

      • 67 Professor VJ Duke June 14, 2016 at 13:05

        Ew! Really?! Goodness. That’d be…awful! I shall never eat mashed potatoes again…

  8. 68 Heartafire June 10, 2016 at 02:10

    By now I would imagine you have reached your destination. A crash landing no doubt.I think you are on space mountain. Remember to get dibs on the front car and keep you hands and feet inside. The woman is bedraggled because thats how you look after space mountain. Manly man … I got nothing for him :-)

    • 69 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2016 at 13:42

      I think you like MM…

      The front? But…can’t I have the back?

      • 70 Heartafire June 10, 2016 at 14:38

        Maybe I have a history with MM, maybe not. Laughs. The front is more fun , looking death in the eye, maybe not death.

      • 71 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:44

        Close to death! Goodness. It’s such a thing. MM. A history…tell me more!

      • 72 Heartafire June 12, 2016 at 19:49

        I am sworn to secrecy regarding MM. :)

      • 73 Professor VJ Duke June 13, 2016 at 12:39

        Why, Hollie…what did you do? Hmm…

      • 74 Heartafire June 13, 2016 at 13:34

        Laughs. Shh! I gave his pilot certification. Was that okay?

      • 75 Professor VJ Duke June 14, 2016 at 13:06

        Well, it turned out okay, lucky for you…but, do you know how to fly?

      • 76 Heartafire June 14, 2016 at 13:12

        yes, but I need a cape and a safety pin.

      • 77 Professor VJ Duke June 15, 2016 at 14:30

        No capes! Every super hero with a cape dies, see.

      • 78 Heartafire June 15, 2016 at 15:46

        Then I will need a cat woman suit.

      • 79 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2016 at 14:19

        With a tail?

      • 80 Heartafire June 16, 2016 at 14:38

        Sure, what kind of cat suit would it be without a tail? Can you arrange it?

      • 81 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2016 at 14:44

        You know, I’ve no clue where they sell cat suits!

      • 82 Heartafire June 16, 2016 at 21:26

        I’ll check out the garment district in Miami, they have everything, things we don’t even want to know about.

      • 83 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2016 at 14:52

        *laughs* Take your sword with you!

  9. 84 walt walker June 10, 2016 at 01:41

    That grub is horrid. But you said ‘grubs.’ Now how many were in your ears, do you suppose? Did you count them?

    • 85 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2016 at 13:41

      One in each ear, I think. They keep track of the dadblamery. I bet you have a few, you know. Don’t you?

      • 86 walt walker June 10, 2016 at 18:11

        I don’t know of any, but then again I haven’t looked. Could be. There awfully big though. I would like to think I’d know about them.

      • 87 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:50

        I’d like to think so, too. I bet Dick would’ve told you about them if you had them.

  10. 88 Debbie June 10, 2016 at 00:11

    I don’t like things where my feet dangle like that! Things like ferris wheels. Feet weren’t meant to dangle. Except when you’re sitting and dangling them in water, you know.

    Now the girl is gone, who knows where. But hey, you’ve gained a new briefcase…a BIG one. And MM sounds like he’s about to panic. This doesn’t bode well. Think you can get your ticket price back??

    • 89 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2016 at 13:41

      I know, right? How horrid is that. But it is sorta fun, you must admit. Feels like you’re about to die every so often.

      But should I take the briefcase? What’s in it? I bet a bomb!

      • 90 Debbie June 10, 2016 at 13:59

        I’m not one to court death, Professor, so no, I’m not convinced about the “fun” of feet dangling. Hmm, yes, you could be right about the bomb, though why would she have been carrying a bomb in the first place??

      • 91 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:41

        I don’t know! Maybe she wanted to blow me up! Everyone’s after me all the time, you know. It’s ’cause I’m such a rogue.

  11. 92 Simply Skeptical June 9, 2016 at 21:07

    This is way too exciting!!! Where did she go? Manly Man’s crazy as ever. Every Punchy for themselves. Is it time to spring; um or maybe that doesn’t work in such travel. Focus on Shakespeare you may just fall asleep…

    • 93 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2016 at 13:40

      I can’t sleep now! I think I’ll just wait and see if I die, you know.

  12. 94 Haylee June 9, 2016 at 19:24

    How very exciting the launch sounds – just like one of my favourite fair rides that blasts you upwards when you least expect it. It also drops you in a similar fashion which isn’t as fun. I hope that doesn’t happen to your transport!
    I second what FictionFan says about the grub… They look like those things out of Tremors. But smaller. Have you seen that? It’s such a ‘so terrible it’s good’ film. Your ears must be huge…

    • 95 FictionFan June 9, 2016 at 22:11

      Thank you for that comment about the mega-monster-ears – I’ll be chuckling for hours now…

      *goes off singing* “Proffie the elephant packed his trunk…”

      • 96 Haylee June 10, 2016 at 08:15

        Haha… Aww now I feel bad for mocking. But I suppose he has technically packed a trunk for his vacation!

      • 97 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2016 at 13:45

        Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I’m going to water balloon you both.

    • 98 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2016 at 13:38

      I think I know that ride! I’ve never ridden it, tho. Just because. Not because I’m afraid, of course… Dadblameit.

      Wait…is that the movie with worms in the ground?

      My ears…hey! They’re just…like orc ears, I promise.

      • 99 Haylee June 10, 2016 at 14:15

        I bet you are…
        Yes it is…
        I hope they’re not… (Cauliflowers anyone?) 😉

      • 100 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:43

        I bet I’m not! Goodness. Like I could be scared of anything. *professor eye*

        Then I’ve seen parts of it! It’s such a funny movie.

        Hahahahahaha. You will come to love orcs. Why, an orc (that white chap) can beat Hawk dude. I’m sure of it.

      • 101 Haylee June 12, 2016 at 15:39

        I like trolls. Does that count?

      • 102 Professor VJ Duke June 13, 2016 at 12:38

        Umm…yessssss…as long as they’re cave tolls. (Not the one under the bridge)

  13. 103 InfiniteZip June 9, 2016 at 19:09

    you were soarin’ and I bet the briefcase is,filled with donuts….cherry ones….open it and see….

    • 104 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2016 at 13:37

      Cherry ones! *opens it and eats them all* Wait. Did you want one?

      • 105 InfiniteZip June 10, 2016 at 14:10

        of course not, I don’t like cherry, now grape on the other hand is such a lovely shade of, well, grape?

      • 106 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:41

        Grape is purple. And purple is wicked. You know this!

      • 107 InfiniteZip June 12, 2016 at 16:26

        You’re catching on to my logic are you? Hmmm, I must try harder….🍇🍇🍆👾

      • 108 Professor VJ Duke June 13, 2016 at 12:38

        Well. well. Look at all that purple!

  14. 109 Susan P June 9, 2016 at 18:47

    You have me on Tenterhooks

    • 110 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2016 at 13:35

      Does it hurt much?

      • 111 Susan P June 10, 2016 at 13:36

        You should try. Really.

      • 112 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2016 at 13:46

        Oh no. Sounds devastating

      • 113 Susan P June 10, 2016 at 17:51

        But just think. You would be a hero.

      • 114 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:49

        And I’d rather be infamous. hmm…

      • 115 Susan P June 14, 2016 at 12:48

        Maybe one who fights off goodness for evil?

      • 116 Professor VJ Duke June 14, 2016 at 13:12

        Yes! Doesn’t that sound spicy?

      • 117 Susan P June 16, 2016 at 14:11


  15. 118 John W. Howell June 9, 2016 at 18:23

    Now this is perfect. You have a new briefcase.

    • 119 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2016 at 13:35

      But what’s in it? I’m scared.

      • 120 John W. Howell June 10, 2016 at 22:57

        Soak it in water before opening.

      • 121 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:52

        That’ll…ruin the case, won’t it?

      • 122 John W. Howell June 13, 2016 at 00:55

        Which would you rater have? A ruined case or missing limbs.

      • 123 Professor VJ Duke June 13, 2016 at 12:43

        *sigh* A ruined case, I think. Well, I’m sure.

      • 124 John W. Howell June 13, 2016 at 17:01

        Good choice

      • 125 Professor VJ Duke June 14, 2016 at 13:08

        Rare thing for me

      • 126 John W. Howell June 14, 2016 at 19:02

        I think you might be right although you make good choices in music.

      • 127 Professor VJ Duke June 15, 2016 at 14:42

        Aw, gee, thanks. Music is so fun, you know.

      • 128 John W. Howell June 15, 2016 at 19:38

        I can imagine. :-)

      • 129 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2016 at 14:34

        You must learn guitar, the sudden!

      • 130 John W. Howell June 16, 2016 at 21:57

        I would like to someday. I love guitar music.

      • 131 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2016 at 14:53

        Someday is, the sudden, tomorrow!

      • 132 John W. Howell June 17, 2016 at 19:05

        It could be for sure.

  16. 133 FictionFan June 9, 2016 at 17:50

    Goodness! This is too exciting for words!! *hums excitedly* That’ll teach you to chat up strange women – now look what you’ve got yourself into! (Just as an aside, I seriously hope that person holding the grub has really tiny hands…) Well, as Shakespeare would doubtless have told you (subliminally while you slept) “Once more into the breach, dear Professor!” or possibly “Hey nonny nonny”, which might be code now I come to think about it … *nods* I do hope you survive but with Manly-Man in charge I fear for you…

    • 134 Professor VJ Duke June 10, 2016 at 13:30

      I like the humming bit, haha! (Isn’t that grub something? Wow. I think they blew up the hands, if you look closely it appears to be out of…context.)

      Hey nonny nonny! Well. That’s something. It sounds dirty, now that I think about, which fits, since you’re wicked and all. In fact, I bet Shake didn’t write it! But I do like the one about once more at the beach. *nods*

      • 135 FictionFan June 10, 2016 at 17:31

        Personally I think it would have been better if they’d blown up the grub! Though imagine the mess… euww!

        Hahaha! It should have been the beach! Old Shakey should have lightened up a bit and gone sun-bathing. But he did say “If music be the food of love, play on…” so he can’t be all bad, can he?

      • 136 Professor VJ Duke June 12, 2016 at 14:47

        Lots of guts everywhere, for sure. Goodness. I wonder if you can eat them…?

        Oh yes. That sounds pretty bad. Music is not romantic at all. See, he’s dadblame wrong. *nods*

      • 137 FictionFan June 12, 2016 at 20:11

        Euwwww!! You try it, and let me know… *gags*

        Oh it is so! Perfect for setting beautiful love songs to! Anyone who plays music is clearly romantic – more romantic than non-musicians in fact… *nods*

      • 138 Professor VJ Duke June 13, 2016 at 12:40

        Oh come now! It’s like…blackpudding!

        Wait. That can’t be right, since it would make me a bit romantic.

      • 139 FictionFan June 13, 2016 at 17:04

        *laughs loads* You know, I thought of black pudding too! But honestly, black pudding is far less slimy and… squishy…euww! *shudders*

        I know – I’m sorry. But someone had to tell you the sad truth – you’re a big soppy romantic and there’s nothing you can do to change it… *shakes head sadly*

      • 140 Professor VJ Duke June 14, 2016 at 13:09

        Haha! Yes…but it’s blood! Black blood. Unless it’s…nevermind. Ugh. Look what you have me thinking about now! *shivers*

        Oh yes there is! I can…revolt!

      • 141 FictionFan June 14, 2016 at 16:30

        Unless it’s… what?!? It’s blood mixed with oatmeal, I think. Almost all Scottish cuisine is mixed with oatmeal.

        Yeah, but I bet you’d be one of these great romantic revolutionaries, like Che Guevara. Only capitalist…

      • 142 Professor VJ Duke June 15, 2016 at 14:38

        Unless it’s…I forget what I was thinking. *shivers* I bet BUS hates it, too. Do you have pizza in Scotland?

        Che? Is that a girl? Haha. I’m a capitalist, which is capital.

      • 143 FictionFan June 15, 2016 at 19:40

        Haha! Must have been bad! I bet BUS loves it – there’s barely a part of any dead animal she wouldn’t drool over, so long as it was in a nice sauce. Hahaha! Yes, we do! There’s actually a pretty big Italian population in Scotland – lots of people came over during WW2 and stayed on. So we have loads of Italian restaurants and pizza parlours (with a ‘u’) and some great ice-cream shops.

        Yeah, but all the best revolutionaries are communists, you gotta admit! Capitalists are boring… *gasps* Che Guevara was not a girl! He was a Cuban revolutionary, or something!

      • 144 Professor VJ Duke June 16, 2016 at 14:38

        *laughs* I’m sure BUS isn’t that wicked! Goodness. The things you say about her. I’ll have to sit down and tell her all about it one day. Oh goody. When I visit, I think I’ll live on pizza, then. The other stuff kinda scares me, you know. But living on pizza is deadly. We’ll have to find a cashew tree. A pizza parlor! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

        I won’t admit nuttin’! They cause the need for revolutions, they do! Boring? You just called me boring? *cries* I am boring, tho. Well, he’s just trying to mess me up with a name like that!

      • 145 FictionFan June 16, 2016 at 19:26

        She is too! In fact, I worry for her cat! *laughs* Yes, Scottish cuisine is… unique! But we do lots of good game too – venison and grouse and stuff. Hunter food! *laughs lots* Don’t you call them pizza parlours, then? Americans! So weird…

        *nods sadly* I fear it’s true – capitalists are all fat and middle-aged with silly hair and big cigars. Socialist revolutionaries are all gorgeous and manly-looking… Compare pictures of Mr Trump and Mr Guevara and tell me which you’d rather be…

      • 146 Professor VJ Duke June 17, 2016 at 14:48

        Oh boy. It must be bad. Okay, then. I’ll go and have a few speaks with her about being a nicer BUS. I bet it will work, too. I’m so convincing, you know. Mostly, that is. Hunter food! That sounds good. I’ve never had any of that, you know. *laughs* No…just…pizza! Pizza…uhh…places!

        Haha. *looks at belly* I am fat! Goodness. And not middle-aged, mind. I think I’m very old. Mr. Trump is a national socialist, young lady!

      • 147 FictionFan June 17, 2016 at 20:27

        Well, be wary – she’s unpredictable, remember! Places is so much duller than parlours! You should open one…

        Well, I’m very glad to hear you say that, because indeed he is! Ugh!!!

      • 148 Professor VJ Duke June 21, 2016 at 13:13

        A pizza place! I’d make hoagies, too. Well, I wouldn’t. I’d just sit there and eat all day.

        Haha. Which means you should like him! But then again, he might change tomorrow. His conservative values–which have been evaporating since he won the nomination–probably aren’t for real.

      • 149 FictionFan June 21, 2016 at 16:54

        What on earth is a hoagie? Sounds revolting! *nods* That’s why I’d like to won a chocolate factory.

        Oh, I think this is one of these language differences again. By national socialist, I assumed you meant Nazi, since that’s what they called themselves. I didn’t realise you were objecting to Donnie the Fascist not being right-wing enough for you! *shakes head despairingly*

      • 150 Professor VJ Duke June 22, 2016 at 21:00

        You don’t know what a hoagie is?! Why, it’s a sandwich! A sub? With all kind of great meats and stuff. Yum-yummies.

        Trump is sorta like that, I think. But hey, first thing Hitler and co. did was disarm the public. Then there was socialized healthcare and schools. #socialism: comes in different names, but essentially the same. He’s not! I think he’s a lib.

      • 151 FictionFan June 23, 2016 at 00:54

        Well, how dull! It sounds as if it should be something really gross – worse than haggis!

        Hmm… I know you didn’t mean to, but you’re coming very close to calling me a Nazi. And I wouldn’t find that amusing in any way. Socialism and Nazism are not the same, nor in any way connected. And since I live in a capitalist society where we don’t carry arms (nor need to) and have social health and education systems, I can assure you they are not a Nazi thing either. What makes Trump a fascist is his hatred of foreigners, his racism, and his threats to mobilise crowd violence if he doesn’t get what he wants. Hardly a liberal.

      • 152 Professor VJ Duke June 24, 2016 at 14:51

        That sounds gross?! Does not. You’d love it! Maybe. If you like lunch meat. Maybe. *sends FEF a dozen hoagies*

        Hmm…umm…capitalist society? Haha. You know what…I shan’t. *throws a banana and a cherry AND a water balloon at FEF*

      • 153 FictionFan June 25, 2016 at 18:19

        What is lunch meat?? I reckon if I came to America I might starve. Unless I just lived on cannnnollllis. *laughs lots* That so much more romantic than a dozen red roses! And would look great in a vase…

        *catches all three in mouth and mumbles thanks* You know, this is really increasing my fruit intake – but next time could you please peel the banana??

      • 154 Professor VJ Duke June 26, 2016 at 18:59

        It’s…like…it’s…really! You don’t know? Goodness. It’s like turkey. Cut thinly? Cannnnnnnollllllis are Italian, mind yourself. See? I’m sooooo romantic.

        *laughs* All three! Even the water balloon? Goodness.

      • 155 FictionFan June 27, 2016 at 12:08

        Goodness! Why not just call it turkey then?? Americans! *shakes head in wonderment* Bound to be – all words with too many ‘l’s are… Yes, you are!! Your romantic side just needs a bit of fine-tuning… *nods*

      • 156 Professor VJ Duke June 28, 2016 at 13:23

        Because it’s not a whole turkey! You must have something like lunch meat over there… *laughs* No one can tune a professor!

      • 157 FictionFan June 28, 2016 at 16:58

        Well, that’s not its fault!! We do – we call it sliced turkey… or turkey, for short!!! So true… *shakes head despairingly*

      • 158 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:11

        Ohhhhhhhhhhh. Okay. Well you do have it then!

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Depends on the day, see.

Punchy Argot:

1. Dadblameit.
2. Humdinger
3. Chickit
4. Chicky-woot-woot
5. Malediction
6. Rapscallion
7. Gardoobled
8. Congratulilolations
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12. Rats and a Heifer
13. Two nods, a wink, and an astroid
14. A bit, bits, and little bits
15. Huff-Hum and a Roar
16. So many thanks, I can't begin to thank you
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