In a Coffee Shop

professor speaksSo, yes, this professor went in one.

Just because, mind you.

I wanted a tea.

Some sort of green tea, in fact.

Coffee places should have such things, I reasoned. After all, what’s the difference between tea and coffee, I further reasoned. One is a leaf, the other is a bean.

Very close.

They practically look like twins.

They practically look like twins.

Anyways, walked through the front door, I did.

No, I’m not trying to be like Yoda.


Who actually, interestingly enough, now that you brought it up, blamed this Jedi Temple massacre on the dangerous blue lightsaber, instead of the Sith behind it.

Not to say Sith are bad.


Anyways and some more…where wuth I?

Oh yes, so I went in the store.

“Hello there,” I said.

I got in line, see.

And since I made it through the door before the stampede, I was first in line.


“What’ll you have?”

“Some sort of tea, I think.”

There was a pause times a half a pause.

“Yes…?” she prompted.

“What kind do you have?”

Rude gesture: Her thumb went up to the menu behind her.

“No good,” I said, “too confusing, see. What sorts of green tea do you have?”

“We’re a coffee place.”

“But aren’t coffee and tea related?”

She made a face. “Who told you that?”

“Some close relative, now that I think on it.”

“The point is that’s ridiculous.”

“That you don’t have green tea?”

She sighed. “I never said that. But since we’re a coffee house, we only have one type of green tea. Would you like it?”

“What sort of green tea is it?”

“It’s green tea.”

“Yes, but you said it was a type.”

A few exasperated sighs here. “Yes, that’s right, it’s a certain kind of green tea. There’s different kinds.”

“What kind do you have?”

That got her real cranky.

“Look, do you want it or not?”

“You know what, I think I’ll pass.”

And I left.

I just wasn’t feeling it.

Moral: Know what you want before you ask for it.

Aw. Gee. Thank you. Compliments are welcome, no matter who from!

Aw. Gee. Thank you. Compliments are always welcome, no matter what the sort!


64 Responses to “In a Coffee Shop”

  1. 1 kimigreyling September 16, 2016 at 16:14

    Lol, check this new coffee shop out- I’m sure you will have a better experience there :P

  2. 2 Nancy Loderick July 16, 2016 at 15:30


    You have to be careful in those coffee shops. Most people in there are coffee snobs and will turn up their noses (or worse) at the mere mention of tea.

    Perhaps you need to find a tea shop. They are much nicer in there.


  3. 3 Little Rants July 2, 2016 at 11:20


  4. 4 Heartafire June 29, 2016 at 16:08

    I am sorry you met up with this cranky lady at the shop. Seems everyone is so cranky lately. A little cake would do us all good, put a smile on our faces. I love cake, it always makes me feel good inside.

    • 5 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:05

      I should’ve had a cake for her, huh? To smash in her face!

      • 6 Heartafire June 30, 2016 at 12:17

        Yes right in her face and a self help manual too!

  5. 7 bardictale June 29, 2016 at 11:40

    Professor! I’d have expected you to know that coffee and tea aren’t the same. After all, you’re always telling me to drink fruit teas. Did you get your tea in the end?

    • 8 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:17

      NO, I never did! Can you believe it? Help, Bard! Well…I mean…brothers can be different, see.

      • 9 bardictale June 29, 2016 at 13:44

        True, but they aren’t brothers. Not even cousins, I think.

      • 10 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:01

        Maybe uncles?

      • 11 bardictale June 30, 2016 at 11:30

        Not even that.

  6. 12 Bebekoh June 29, 2016 at 06:06

    I prefer Twinings green tea with mint or green tea with lemon… I like mocha chocolate chip frappe. LOL! – I am very particular so I can’t really say, I don’t know what I like. :P

    • 13 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:17

      They both sound good! But…what if you had to choose between them?

      • 14 Bebekoh July 4, 2016 at 15:03

        Twinings green tea with mint!!!!

  7. 15 walt walker June 29, 2016 at 02:07

    I resent the accusation that coffee and tea are the same. For example, I love coffee, but I loathe tea. See? I feel I’ve proved they are very different creatures.

    • 16 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:17

      Could it be just your mind playing tricks on you?

      • 17 walt walker June 30, 2016 at 01:34

        I don’t think so. My mind is the master of all things.

      • 18 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:16

        TEACH me!

  8. 19 Susan P June 29, 2016 at 00:50

    There is one in every store.

    • 20 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:16

      What would you have done?

      • 21 Susan P June 29, 2016 at 14:53

        I’d set you up to wash dishes.

      • 22 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:03

        Oh no. I don’t do that sort of thing. Lucy will do it!

      • 23 Susan P June 30, 2016 at 13:56

        Does she know this? I don’t recall her announce that.

  9. 24 John W. Howell June 29, 2016 at 00:36

    Rather Rude she was.

    • 25 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:16

      I was tempted to whack her with the newspaper you know.

      • 26 John W. Howell June 30, 2016 at 03:59

        Yes me too.

      • 27 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:17

        Let’s do it twice. You first.

      • 28 John W. Howell June 30, 2016 at 11:21

        You know we always get into who is the most gracious. Please after you.

  10. 29 Lady Dunamis June 29, 2016 at 00:04

    You PVJ are one of those customers every one in customer service would like to avoid. Only if she had a crystal ball to see you coming…lol. And then, you fished for a compliment….sneaky Sith you….

    I am proud to say that I haven’t had coffee for eight months, almost feel re-born, in a spiritual sense mind you, and tea I think about two. You should join me over on the dark side.

    • 30 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:16

      *laughs* And I found it, too, didn’t I? *proud* Now, I wasn’t that bad…was I?

      Now, now. Why did you quit? I never drink coffee, see.

      • 31 Lady Dunamis June 29, 2016 at 20:22

        Cutting down on my use of sugar and wanted to see how much whiter can my teeth get before I get them bleached. Besides, tired of the caffeine withdrawals. Ugh!

      • 32 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:14

        I hear you. I hear. How do you bleach them?

      • 33 Lady Dunamis June 30, 2016 at 12:34

        I will go to the dentist to have them bleached.

  11. 34 Simply Skeptical June 28, 2016 at 22:40

    So okay here is my compliment: You are beautiful indeed! Not just an inner beauty (that too) but also outside knockout gorgeous! There that’s the compliment you said you always welcome. You’re welcome…

    • 35 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:15

      *gags and dies* I think I’ll throw you into a volcano now.

      • 36 Simply Skeptical June 29, 2016 at 15:17

        Now, now, Sir can’t deny it!!! Compliments are for the strong hearted! You’re as tough as they come; well, Manly-Man too!

      • 37 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:05

        I’m as tough as a bent nail at the bottom of an icy river.

  12. 38 HotBottoms June 28, 2016 at 18:19

    Walked into “Allegheny Coffee and Tea” this weekend. That’s a place I would have been disappointed to not find tea. Not really though, cause I can’t abide the stuff, except at Buddhist wedding ceremonies. But then, that was a jasmine thing that was yummy and not at all like watery leaf water. But I try to be open.

    • 39 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:14

      Hey now. No ripping of tea, Mr. HotB. I shan’t have it. But…this jasmine thingy sounds very tasty!

  13. 40 Freakishly Fangirlish June 28, 2016 at 17:17

    You should have come to the coffee shop I work at! We have green tea (and other teas also)

    • 41 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:13

      I so would if you were up here!!!!!!!

      • 42 Freakishly Fangirlish June 30, 2016 at 18:34

        Only one more year! :D

  14. 43 Debbie June 28, 2016 at 14:15

    I, too, prefer tea to coffee. That said, I prefer my tea served at home, where I can enjoy it without the coffeehouse smells and noises. Have you been accosted by those tea-pushing people at malls lately? So annoying…and so pushy! But at least they’re not as bothersome as those perfume-pushing people in department stores!

    • 44 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:03

      The perfume people! They always are asking me. I mean, what? Really?! Do I look like the type that wants perfume? That’s declaring war if you ask me. Tea people are pushy…are they…def push back, Debbie. Start a fight!

  15. 45 Haylee June 28, 2016 at 14:04

    Aren’t you awkward?! But rightly so when it comes to tea. I must confess I can get quite scared ordering in coffee shops – I half expect someone to ask me the ingredients of a mocha-choca-skinny-flat-cappulatte to see if I’m worthy enough to be there!
    But this is an outrage. Even our local pub has a selection of herbal teas (two green) and they even get brought out in an elaborate wooden box. Just move to Britain.

    • 46 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:02

      I am not! Just…just…okay, maybe a bit. *hangs head* *laughs* Is that what you order? Now, if you were with me, I’m sure you would’ve fetched them out, since you probably have a vast knowledge of tea. Goodness.

      Are you serious? Dadblameit! I love the little wooden box part. Okay, I’m coming over…

      • 47 Haylee June 29, 2016 at 13:48

        Ooh, gosh no – wouldn’t touch coffee with a barge pole. If they don’t have tea it’s a milkshake. Or water. I know I’m safe with those.
        And yes, I think the wooden box part is unusual but nearly all the pubs serve tea near me, you’d love it!

      • 48 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:02

        *laughs* Me neither! It’s just so bitter…but…did you say milkshake? Haven’t had one of those in ages!!!

  16. 49 L. Marie June 28, 2016 at 13:53

    I would have left too. All of the coffee places I frequent serve a variety of teas. And the tea shops serve coffee. :-)

    • 50 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:01

      This is unfairness. I think you must visit this one and yell at them for me. Many pleases and one thank you

  17. 51 desertdweller29 June 28, 2016 at 13:50

    Coffee houses can be quite pretentious, Professor. I recommend slurpees. Big bonus: they color your tongue all sorts of wonderful colors. Really sets the day off right.

    • 52 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:00

      I love those things! Haven’t had one in ages. Of course, I’d have only the red ones.

      • 53 desertdweller29 June 29, 2016 at 15:50

        Of course you’d like the foul cherry flavored! I’m a blue raspberry girl, me self.

      • 54 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:05

        But…doesn’t that really color the tongue!!?

  18. 55 FictionFan June 28, 2016 at 13:49

    You win the award for Most Awkward Customer of All Time in the Entire Universe!(MACATEU! I shall call you that, I think!) *curtseys admiringly* However, you must be getting seriously dehydrated by now – I don’t think you’ve ever succeeded in actually getting a cup of tea… especially since the whole Clara incident no doubt means you’re barred from the tea shop. Perhaps you should take up drinking something else. I vote for goat’s milk!

    Oh… the chap at the bottom? I don’t think he’s talking to you… *simpers and flutters eyelashes becomingly*

    • 56 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 13:00

      Wow. That’s my Samurai name, I tell you! Goat’s milk? *shocked* Does it taste good? I don’t know. I’ve got this huge glass…it’s about a liter, I think. And I feel it with water everyday. I usually drink a few of those a day. So…def not dehydrated. In fact, I’m over hydrated. *dies*

      Do you even know who that is?

      • 57 FictionFan June 29, 2016 at 17:25

        And it sounds like a Scottish Samurai! #cool I have no idea! Sounds revolting and that’s enough for me. That’s excellent! Unless you get wounded, when the leakage may cause flooding problems…

        Perhaps, perhaps not! But since he thinks I’m beautiful, he’s clearly a man of exquisite taste and refinement! *sticks out tongue AND stomps on Prof’s foot*

      • 58 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:08

        It sorta does! But Samurai can’t be Scottish! *laughs* Me too. For a second there I thought you liked the stuff. I leak all the time…from the ears.

        Well, I should let you know then that he killed his wife.

      • 59 FictionFan June 30, 2016 at 18:47

        I don’t see why not!! But if it can’t, then it can’t be American either! So there! *laughs* Are you sure that’s water though?

        That’s terrible, of course, but understandable if he was in the grip of an overwhelming passion at the time… *blushes and simpers*

  19. 60 PorterGirl June 28, 2016 at 13:35

    That’s a very wise moral there, Professor. Too many people are always asking and asking for things – but they don’t really know what they want! Anyway, never mind about the fuss over the tea – were there any cakes? That’s important, you see.

    • 61 Professor VJ Duke June 29, 2016 at 12:58

      I don’t think so. See, you always mention cakes which excites me. But I can never find anything over here. Maybe just sandwiches?

      • 62 PorterGirl June 29, 2016 at 13:22

        But… but you must have cakes! In another comment I just announced that I would move to the States! But if there’s a cake shortage… I guess I will just have to set up my own cake shop. Mind you, sandwiches can be great too. Cake sandwiches.

      • 63 Professor VJ Duke June 30, 2016 at 11:00

        Cake sandwiches? Now hold on there. Is this a new thing?

      • 64 PorterGirl July 1, 2016 at 14:59

        I think it is – and we invented it! We always invent the coolest stuff.

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